RIVER O.B custody thing and that often men don’t generally get custody if a marriage fails, but hopefully it
I
never gets that far for me. It also worries me that often men don’t speak out. I don’t talk about having had really bad dethink we are pressured into calling ourselves
pression in my mid-late teens, to even the closest
men. I would call myself a man and I’ve always told
of my friends. I didn’t want to burden them, but
myself that I do all these manly things. Until I start-
I’d hate to think that if one of my friends felt like
ed university, I didn’t realise how weird that con-
that they hadn’t been able to speak to me about
cept is, because now that I’ve stopped playing con-
it. I would feel I had let them down as a friend,
tact rugby, I’ve started doing cheerleading and I’m
and yet I still don’t ask them, it just isn’t the ‘done’
an actor as well. I’m not a stereotypical man. What
thing. I think most people now know the “78% of
it means to be a man is a very broad question. It’s
suicides are men” fact. I think that if people don’t
difficult to answer succinctly.
open up about it, we tend to follow suit and be
I definitely think that cheerleading wasn’t ac-
quiet about how we are feeling too. I hardly ever
cessible to me when I was younger. I didn’t even
speak about my feelings because I don’t want to
know we had cheerleading in the UK. And men do-
bore or worry people, or have them think that I’m
ing cheer? Out of the question. On the other hand,
not as strong, but that is such a bad mindset to
I did a lot of acting from a very young age and I’ve
have. I still can’t believe the biggest killer in men
always been a drama queen, so I didn’t miss out on
under 45 is suicide.
that. It is possible that because I wanted to do it, I
I just hope that everyone can learn to live and
found the time to do it; whereas I won’t ever know
love each other for whoever they are. It’s wrong
whether I wanted to be a cheerleader when I was
to misgender people, I have done it before and
younger. I only became aware of cheer through a
I felt awful. We all need to have in the backs of
friend and then went to a social and thought, “Sod
our minds that we shouldn’t jump to conclusions
it, I’ll have a go.” Lucky really.
when we meet a new person with regards to what
I know that toxic masculinity exists, but I don’t
they would like to be called. I think that hate will
know what it is exactly, which is maybe why we
decrease and peoples’ minds will be broadened.
don’t really know how to conquer it at the moment.
Some motivational speaker said, “In some ways, I
In the university rugby team, there is so much tes-
wish with all the bad stuff going on that I didn’t live
tosterone knocking around the changing rooms
here, but where would I be?” We live in a world full
and on socials that it could easily put people off,
of opportunities, with growing technology and the
or make them feel small or insignificant. For sure,
ability to spread communication to every corner
I’ve felt pressure to be a man. The rugby culture is
of the world. We will do so much more than ever
all to do with getting drunk and talking about girls.
thought possible and it would be a waste to give
We don’t chat about normal things. It’s kind of a
up on everything now. We are incredible people
shallow spectrum of communication and relation-
and incredible humans. But we all need help with
ships. But it would be so weird to not have that
everything; relationships, communication, support,
relationship with the rugby team in my life.
that’s what being human is. We are all the same,
As a man, one of my biggest worries is if I have
lucky to be doing everything we get to do. Being a
a child. I hope that I get the chance to down the
man, woman or whoever you want to be, you are
line but then, deep-down, I do think of the whole
very lucky.
