SUSSEX MISCELLANY
DODGY DIETS AND DRINKS By Kevin Newman, a Sussex-born author, historian, tour guide and history teacher ith lockdown 17 hopefully ended by the time you
W
removing a comb from the island Chieftain’s hair. Although
read this (I think that’s the right one – have lost
to be fair the Viti Levuians were also rebelling against the
count) and the latest COVID variant vaccinated
encroach of Christianity at this time. This was apparently
away, I might have a new problem. It isn’t the fact I’ve lost
punishable by death by eating, but Sussexians should not try
sleep at night wondering why each new variant isn’t called
to lose weight by travelling to Fiji and eating one of the
COVID 20, 21 etc. Nor is it my endless internal monologue as
tribe’s descendants in revenge as the current chief back in
to why we shouldn’t name the variants the way the Met
2003 issued a formal apology on behalf of his ancestors’
Office does with storms – after people. This is as I do think
behaviour. The museum in Fiji still has the soles of the
that ‘COVID Geoffrey’ or ‘COVID Margery’ sounds much
Reverend’s sandals, which were boiled by the tribe but, it
nicer than ‘the South African variant’. No, my problem is
seems, were more unpalatable than the munchable
after working from home and remote teaching for many
missionary as they turned the potential footwear foodstuff
months I need to lose weight. My children often now
down. So, should my barf-inducing banquet not have turned
mistake me for a budget bouncy castle but I’m sure I’m not
your stomach so far, you might want to, unlike the Fijians,
alone, and so, valued reader I’ve decided to help us all with
try eating footwear instead?
tales of revolting recipes and disgusting drinks from Sussex’s
Perhaps try some revolting remedies instead to lose
past. Nausea will spread across the county and our scales will
weight post-lockdown? An ancient Sussex remedy was to
all stop groaning as we can’t face food and drink. Let the
‘roast one mouse’ for whooping cough, but, who knows, it
upchucking commence!
might work for obesity? Don’t forget though if you do try
We’ll start with the man who put Brighton on the map as
this, local medics suggested you needed to dry another two
a heathy seaside resort, Dr Richard Russell. The hypocritical
mice in the oven and crumble them into a powder. This
Hippocrates follower wasn’t exactly a paragon of health as
lousy mousey medicine then needed to be added to your
you’ll see if you look at portraits of the portly physician. His
drink morning and night. Should remedies not rectify your
1750s book on the uses of seawater may have helped many
rotundity, how about a bit of poverty and fighting? Perhaps
Londoners with his suggestions of Sussex seabathing and
recreate for your family a Littlehampton dish that once
sea air, but his suggestion of mixing seawater with milk? It
existed called a ‘Swimmer’. This got its name as it was where
may well be your first port of call to lose the contents of
a whole poor family had to share a bowl of gravy with just
your stomach, even if not a few pounds. I’ve also mentioned
one dumpling in it – which the children had to fight for.
before the Sussex drink of Bumboo, also a drink from the
Being blessed with a ‘chopper’ would have helped out a
1750s in East Hoathly and made of brandy and beer. This
family in this situation and may also be your route to
sounds a bit more palatable than the Doctor’s drink but
roundness reduction. It was nothing to do axes though to
unfortunately the effects were said to be regrettable. I
help you fight (or even a 1970s bike), but the old Sussex
know which one I’d prefer though, despite the name.
name for a dried pig’s face. Mmmmmmmn!
If seawater and awful alcoholic mixes aren’t your thing,
For zoom or (eventually) group Sussex talks and motorised
then why not a bit of cannibalism to put you off food and
tours, please call All-Inclusive History on 07504 863867 or email
help the pounds peel off? You could replicate a Victorian
info@allinclusivehistory.org. Other tours, talks and events are
era feast where the chief ingredient was one of our clergy,
available including ‘Spooky Worthing, ‘Brilliant Brighton’, ‘Super
who became a tasty dish for people from a Fijian Island. The
Sussex’ and ‘Scrumptious Sussex’. Kevin’s next book, ‘Celebrating
Reverend Thomas Baker, who hailed from Playden in Sussex
Brighton and Hove’, out in June can be pre-ordered from
was eaten by tribesmen from Nivosa, which is on Viti Levu
www.waterstones.com/book/celebrating-brighton-and-
island in Fiji back in 1867 after making the fatal error of
hove/kevin-newman/9781398100206 for £15.99.
42
MARCH/APRIL 2021
SOUTHWATER Pages To advertise call 01403 588618 or visit www.southwaterpublications.com
