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Tantrum Tamers 4 calming techniques to nip the storm in the bud
by Miriam Frankel, OT
Whether a child has big emotions, needs to have things go her way, can’t tolerate a no, or becomes obsessively fixated on whatever he wants, most parents have encountered childhood tantrums by the time their child is three years old. While often unpleasant, tantrums are a normal part of growing up as kids learn to regulate their emotions and responses. As the parent watching helplessly while a tantrum evolves, remember that there are many other parents in your corner, and there are effective interventions you can keep at your disposal for times like these. It is very difficult to reason with a child who is being unreasonable, so it’s a good idea to look out for red flags that indicate your child is becoming dysregulated—even jotting them down for future. This is the perfect time to encourage your child to use preemptive calming techniques to prevent the red flags from escalating into a tantrum.
Ice Cubes to the Rescue Prepare ice cubes or gum in the freezer for the moments before a red flag turns into a full-blown tantrum. You can explain to your child in advance that you may offer them these juice cubes or gum when they need it—not as a reward for negative behavior, but as a way to help them relax. You can even encourage your child to approach you for ice when they start to feel that they might need it. In your preemptive conversation with your child, offer an example: “When you’re feeling angry because, let’s say, your brother looked at you in a way you didn’t like, ask me for this to help you calm down.” When the child reaches the stage where they come to ask for a regulator themselves, it means they’re learning to notice their feelings and to take care of them. Intensity Fix Press down firmly on your child’s shoulders for a few seconds. Then slide your hands all the way down his arms until his hands, grasping them firmly and then sliding off them. Repeat three to five times. Closer or Further Some children will allow their parent to hug or cuddle them to calm them down, while others need their space at all costs. Learn your child to know which one they prefer.
Miriam (Manela) Frankel OTR/L is a mental health occupational therapist, founder of the online platform ChildrenBloom.com, and The Thrive Group, with offices in Brooklyn and Passaic. ChildrenBloom.com provides toolkits for parents and educators to deal with struggling children. Miriam is the author of The Parent-Child Dance and an international speaker.
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WELLSPRING / MAY 2023
