lifestyle
BY LAUREN HAYES
WHAT YOU NEED TO BE
NON-MONOGAMOUS
While I write this mostly from the perspective of swinging, the concept really does apply to all types of nonmonogamy. When people look at swinging from the outside, what they most likely see is a lot of sex. If they don’t actually see it, they imagine it — in fantastic detail. It’s why many (perhaps most) people are attracted to ENM, swinging, or “the Lifestyle” in the first place: more sex, sexual variety, and sexual adventure. According to one report, the other reason is increased social connection. Some would say it’s an extreme way to make more friends and go dancing. I would say you haven’t been out with a lifestyle crowd yet.
When people become interested in swinging or sex clubs or lifestyle parties, some are concerned about what they need to be in the lifestyle. Do I need a big cock? Do I need to get a boob job? Do I need to go to a therapist because we must be crazy to be thinking about this? Well, I’m here to tell you that there is not much that you do need, physically speaking. Grooming is preferred, but not even necessary — no one is checking your chest hair at the door. There are, however, some other things you’ll want to have in abundance: a respect for others, good manners (dammit, your mom was RIGHT!), and consent, to name only a few. I’m also here to tell you that possibly one of the most important things you’ll need in the lifestyle, and non-monogamy in general, is self-awareness. This will get you much further than a doctor, plastic surgeon or esthetician will. The Oxford definition of self-awareness is the “conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires.”
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