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TAKING IN A STRAY BY DENISE “KARMA” CLIFFORD
They say time heals all wounds, yet I’m not so sure I believe that. I think a better statement is that time moves you further away from the place where your heart broke. Time doesn’t seem to want to heal the hole And the empty place that’s left. Itisn’t healing, as much as it is coping. Within one month, I lost two of the most influential people in my life. If you have read my articles in the past, you know I’ve told about both my mom as well as the only father figure I had. And now, within one month, I had to say good bye to them both. We all know that as humans we are not immortal, and have a clear conscience that our parents will die, yet it doesn’t mean when it happens it isn’t going to knock the wind out of you. Because it does all this And then some. Especially when it’s very unexpected, like the loss of my mom. My mom lived alone, in an apartment in Chili. I always made comments as to her being the crazy cat lady, as it never failed that somehow she was always “taking in a stray.” If someone moved out, and left their cat behind, it would most definitely find its way to Shirley’s house. This was also true about people as my mother had the innate ability to attract and make friends with the kindred lost souls. She chalked it up to being part gypsy, and I never doubted 346
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE : APRIL EDITION 2022
this. My mom was always a text or a call away, and was never shy of doling out her expert advice to me. It wasn’t always this way, as a teenager I took out the majority of my ill emotions on mom, but she explained to me when I grew up, that it was ok. She said to me that we take out the worst on the ones we love. I never stopped apologizing to her for the years in my youth that I blamed her for not being the mother
she was supposed to be, in my eyes. Lucky for me, I matured and saw my mother for who she truly was, she was all that a mom should be, And more. Charismatic, caring, strong and there whenever I sought her out. She knew how to raise kids, who aren’t assholes, which I wish she could have taught this class to others. I wasn’t ready to let her go. She didn’t let me prepare. Not like anything prepares you. My mom’s death happened unexpectedly, and very quickly that I’m still wrapping my head around her loss. I am fortunate to have
been able to spend the last hours with her, telling her how much I love her. When I finally told het it was ok, I would take care of everything, as I held her hand, she left. I was left to clean out her apartment of 20 years, bring her cat home and mourn her loss. At the same time my father was living with the recent diagnosis with cancer, and already at stage four. As I’ve written about before, he has always And will forever be the strongest man I know, so maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt that cancer really had no chanceagainst him. I held that in the background, but in all honesty I knew what the truth was. Even knowing, there is no preparation for that call, or those words. “Get over to the house,” knowing exactly what it meant. It was just two weeks and five days since I lost my mom, that I got that call. I was still in shock. My dad still lived in his home where he let me live as a child. I was lucky enough to be included and remain in the family, even after he was married and had two more children. I was given the chance to be an older sister, and share the man who taught me so much, with my own children. He was the grandfather they would have never had. If not for him, I would never be able to show kids where I grew up. Never had younger siblings, never became “aunt Karma” or inherited a
