{ SHEBOSS }
IGNITING YOUR SHE BOSS YOU ARE ENOUGH. SPARK BY NICOLE HEROUX I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO BY DRWILLIAMS JESS GERMANO - FOKIN
TURNING IT INTO A FLAME Whether you are dating someone for the first time or wanting to (re) create the spark in the intimacy in your relationship, there are key things to be aware of in the what to do and what not to do when it comes to igniting your SHE Boss spark + turning it into a flame: Dating Context: Switch it up from a busy bar scene or restaurant. Maybe try a more quiet coffee shop or local restaurant/business that allows for the ability to have conversations without distractions. If the weather allows for it, and you prefer something more active, get outside and engage in something playful. I always emphasize the importance of what I call the Power of Play + Pleasure. Activating pleasure responses in the brain can be a complete game changer for your mind + body. I love saying, “Those that play together stay together!” Get Out Of Interrogation + Investigation Role: Trust me…. this is one I have to emphasize A LOT not only for dating, but also in relationships. It’s important to stay in the potential partner/partner role. It’s much sexier!!! Feeling like you are being interrogated or investigated in 192
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE : JUNE EDITION 2022
any context can be extremely uncomfortable and anxiety provoking. It can also potentially put anyone on the defensive end, putting up barriers and blockages to truly being yourself or being able to be vulnerable with someone else. Instead be in the mindset of learning about each other through exploring desires + pleasures in a playful way. Maybe get creative
and make a game out of some of the questions you might have, such as going through the letters of the alphabet and indicating one thing about yourself, a like/ dislike, preference, characteristic/ attribute, turn on/turn off, memory, appreciation and so on. Tap Into Your Playfulness: Take yourself out of the serious role, possibly
on a mission, and put yourself in the playful role as if you were a child. Think about the joy, laughter, fun, excitement, and freeing feeling that can come with play. Being exploratory + experiential using our creative minds can allow for such an intimate + pleasurable experience. Go play on a playground, have a snowball fight or go sledding, splash each other in a pool or body of water (safely), run around with your fur babies or someone else’s (dog, cat, etc.), or play a non-competitive sport together. Whatever you choose to do, just make sure it’s exercising your mind + body by engaging in the Power of Play + Pleasure. Take Action: As mentioned in my prior article “Dating 101: Discovering + Enhancing Your Dating Profile + Style” it’s important to not play mind games. If you are interested in continuing to get to know this person and maybe even go on another date, then take action by following up. If this person is on your mind, there is no need to wait around….the dating fairy is not going to just appear and make things happen for you. You need to make it happen by taking action, same for in a relationship. Be open + honest through having your
