The second process I had been able to tap into the little boy that had been abused at the age of ten and since angered at my father for not protecting and being with me and the abuser whom I had a fist full of rage for. It’s simply the trust that I had in [the group leader] to not abandon me and be with me in my rage. The non-judgmental love and acceptance for what I had gone through and the trust; I knew he would hold me in my vulnerability keeping me from harm’s way as I summonsed my innermost fears and expressions that I knew I needed and wanted to regurgitate. My soul broke as the tears started and I was asked to come down into the ocean to ground level and safety. To journey inside with [group leader] as my holder and helper to exert my pain and expression. I was in and out of feeling with what seemed to be an automatic shut off valve of my emotions. I was prompted to love and hold acceptance and patience for the process. The time came that I was to experience the wave of emotion that with an angry pounce of my fist followed by [group leader] mirroring of my action the flood gates collapsed as I
pounded, cried, screamed and cursed as an expression of pain compounded over the years. I repetitively and fiercely pounded a pillow with my fist until I was exhausted and sobbing. Those around me watched with sadness and joy no doubt of my cathartic experience. The conclusion found myself surrounded by men with intentions of love and support and I cuddled myself into the arms of [group member] and [group member], an experience so memorable that a photograph was taken to hold that moment visually forever. After I did this healing work I went back to see my dad and my grandmother who was dying and I was a different person. I had started my training to be a counsellor and had some good skills. All I wanted from my dad was for him to see me and say he was sorry but I didn’t
