answers if I would feel more comfortable. I would have wished for something from him but I don’t know what it is and I know I can’t expect it. One of the other gentleman said he felt angry when he heard my dad cancelled out on the wedding. It is interesting but I feel nothing. I still don’t know. I still feel distance from my own emotional response to that. I think one day it might cause me to feel angry but I still don’t know
why. I liked it that he felt angry on my behalf. That feels helpful because I feel so confused in that place. I know now that my place of recovery is trying to emotionally connect with what this all means. The main thing I get right now is the question, “Who am I?” I need to get to know a sense of self that I believe in. That is hard when I know that my biological dad is not going to be a help in that. Therapy has helped me see the injury. Counselling has helped me consider the question “Who am I?” and realize that the question, “Who do I want to be?” is a part of my answer. I now see the process of developing a sense of my identity as more central to my recovery. It is nice to consider who I am in the story. I feel warmth coming from myself and I like looking at myself – seeing myself. I feel compassion. I see the person in my story as someone who is reaching, trying to find something. I am reaching for answers and reaching for an identity. I see myself in some ways like a little boy who is still asking 7 or 8 year old questions. I have words now that help frame my questions. “My identity?” “My origins?” I respect my own journey and I can hear myself in the story. I really like seeing myself from this angle. I have tears of pride for myself when I see what I am doing here examining myself like this. This is a rare feeling that I feel for myself right now doing this. I am moving along in the story
