Dean remembers a violent event that deeply affected him, “I was pre-school age, 4-5, when my father first significantly injured me. I had a problem not wanting to go to the bathroom so I consistently messed my diapers /underpants. One day my father got so frustrated that he yelled, ‘if you like it so much, eat it’ and he shoved my own shit into my mouth.” Danny talked about the fear that he felt because of the way his father approached discipline. “One time I bit my sister on the arm, my dad bit me for it. When I demolished my sister’s toy, he took my favourite
toy and me out to the driveway, and drove over it; crushing it in his truck while I watched. Not a lot of sensitivity in the way he went about discipline.” Demeaning comments. In addition to the violent and frightening actions some participants talked about subtle and pervasive forms of critical statements. For example, Danny remembers that his father’s nickname for him was “The Whip”. He remembers a time when he felt shame and embarrassment, “My father, I still feel shame with this – he took me and his friend and his friend’s father and I don’t know why but I went swimming in the ocean and when I came out he was teasing me and I was embarrassed. It is hard to remember but it was like show us you dick or something where I felt shame and embarrassment. He just kept heaping on the shame and embarrassment while he was drinking.” Rick remembers his father arriving home after long absences walking through the house calling to his mother, “Where is the goat.” When he was older he challenged his father’s opinions and his father said to him, “When you are a man you can speak to me like a man; as long as you're living here you will listen to me”. Identity confusion.
