Aug/Sept 2010 On the Minds of Moms

Because we know your family’s well-being is important to you. At Innovis Health, we have board-certified optometrists who can take you and your loved ones through the eye care experience with ease. From appointment to prescription, we provide our patients with all of the eye care services they need in one location.

Check out our new, expanded space coming Fall 2010!

Dr. Lori Scheel Dr. Todd Metzger

the mom message

Still having our cake and eating it too… OTMOM is turning TWO! Another year, six more issues, dozens of new friends and two ladies still giddy as heck to be able to say, this is the BEST job ever. Impossible to thank everyone who has played a role in the last two years, we trust you know us well enough when we say, “we appreciate you”; each and every one of you and those in between. It’s an understatement when we say if it wasn’t for you, there would be no OTMOM. So we will remain humbled and take a few minutes to reflect and marvel at the creature we’ve created before getting back to the “mom title” and wiping bottoms, kissing owies, dishing out dinner and beginning the prep for back school needs. But before we go, we want to dedicate this issue to a little girl and her family who have stopped us in our tracks and unknowingly forced us to realize the true importance of living, laughing and loving for today, as we truly do not know what tomorrow will bring our way. Here’s to Morgan the brave and Kolling family. always grateful,

dani and sheri co-founders & inspired moms

on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC

EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

COPY EDITOR Deb Uglem

ADVERTISING Karan Burley Ambuehl p: 701.367.5647

e: karan@onthemindsofmoms.com

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e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

PHOTOGRAPHY Ria Czichotzki – rialee photography

Lindsey Johnson – rialee photography

Casie Beldo–rialee photography

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DESIGN AND LAYOUT Scott Thuen – thuen design www.thuendesign.com

AD DESIGN Casie Beldo

Scott Thuen

Tara Kessler

Stephanie Drietz

EDITORIAL CONTACT e: info@onthemindsofmoms.com

INFORMATION mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107

SUBSCRIPTION e: info@onthemindsofmoms.com

COVER PHOTO BY Ria Czichotzki–rialee photography www.rialeephotography.com

OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT

On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

Copyright

violet deilke

moorhead | mn

A hair loss specialist and the owner of Centre for Hair and Wellness in Moorhead, Violet has helped hundreds of women and men throughout the Upper Midwest cope with the challenges of hair loss. Being a Breast Cancer patient herself, her personal journey has given a new perspective and after 20 years of volunteer work with Look Good…Feel Better program, Violet was honored with the National Service Award.

elizabeth nawrot

fargo

| nd

A Professor of Psychology at MSUM, Lisa has a Ph.D from Cal Berkeley and has been conducting research and teaching courses in child psychology and lifespan development for more than 15 years. However, her real expertise in developmental science is through her kids Andrew [14] and Zoe [10] with her husband of sixteen years, Mark.

greg irion

fargo | nd

A bicycling and ice fishing enthusiast, this dad to daughter Cecilia [9], spends his days talking dirt to customers in the market for a new Oreck Vacuum or simple cleaning products. Outside of work Greg is active in his church and passionately enjoys working with the Gardening Project with new Americans.

jodee bock

fargo | nd

Principal and founder of Bock’s Office Transformational Consulting in Fargo, Jodee coaches organizations and individuals in achieving the lives of their dreams. Sometimes that includes helping them reconnect with those dreams before creating a plan to help them get there. Jodee also facilitates master mind groups studying the 1937 classic Think and Grow Rich and is the author of two blogs, three books, and several articles in various publications. Check her out at www.bocksoffice.com.

carolyn sanftleben

fargo | nd

Owner of Relaxation Plus, Carolyn is the mother of two grown children. As a certified craniosacral therapist, licensed massage therapist and reflexologist, she is dedicated to individual wellness. Carolyn is passionate about working with children to live a better way of life. She likes to spend time with her family and friends, making a difference in the lives of others personally and professionally.

patricia carlson

dilworth

| mn

An award-winning freelance writer and reporter who specializes in parenting, lifestyle, health, and design writing, you can view her portfolio at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance. com. She and her husband, SuperFutureDad, are proudly expecting the arrival of their first child who will undoubtedly provide an endless supply of entertaining stories of which to write. In the meantime, you can watch her bump grow on Valley News Live where she reports under the name Tricia O'Connor!

roxane salonen

fargo | nd

Tends a familial garden of five unique flowers with her husband, Troy, in their Fargo plot. An award-winning children's author and freelance writer, she muses about family life weekly in her blog, Peace Garden Mama www.roxanesalonen.blogspot.com

fargo | nd

Mom to Jack [8] and Ellie [5], Laura knows no other word to describe family life other than "busy". Along with the mom title comes’ elementary teacher, school counselor, PTA member, softball and T-ball coach, Love and Logic educator, wife, housekeeper, and now mini-van activities chauffeur. When a little “me-time” can be squeezed in, you may find Laura playing softball, attending Redhawks games, playing golf, pool lounging or simple spending time out with friends.

laura sokolofsky

70 strands of human hair are lost on average per day

43% of homemade dinners served in the US include vegetables

1 recycled glass jar saves enough energy equal to having a TV on for 3 hours

A Grandin, ND native, and the little sister to two older brothers, Jenny graduated from Interstate Business College in Fargo with a degree in Travel Business Management. For the past ten years, she has been employed with Tharaldson Property Management and works as an executive assistant. Jenny and her husband, Paul [and high-school sweetheart] of thirteen years, live in West Fargo with their two children, McKenzie [12] and Levi [9]. When not attending her kids’ activities, she enjoys relaxing at the lake with her family. Jenny is a wanna-be scrapbooker who would like to someday delve into the hobby...when she has more time!

photos: rialee photography | lindsey johnson

mod

jenny durbin

age 33, west fargo

I feel beautiful when… my husband says, “you look good.” my all time fav hair product… Lanza style powder… I call it, “the magic powder.” the quality i admire most in a close friend… support. A true friend will listen to you rant about a bad day and will always tell you the new pair of jeans you just spent way too much money on was a good thing!

my splurge food of choice… Tour of Italy from the Olive Garden…Mmmm!

a time in my past i would love to live again… would have to be the day that I gave birth to my children. I wouldn’t want to experience the pain again, but I would love to relive how I felt becoming a mom.

I find relaxation in… having date night with my hubby. something i admire but would never dare do… start a business. I find women who have a family and choose self-employment very inspiring and admirable.

five things on my bathroom counter right now…

flat iron, hair dryer, brush, hair spray, make-up… most of the time you can barely see my counter! if i could change anything from my wedding day it would be… to have taken the time to enjoy it. I was so busy that it was all such a blur.

three blogs i read daily…

Tundra Life, Our lives–in a nutshell and My Charming Kids.

my husband would say i… am a great mom and I really appreciate when he tells me that.

outside of my family i am passionate about… working with the school PTA. I spoil myself with… a massage from time to time. the best compliment i have gotten… was that I had courage. I recently ran for a chair on the West Fargo School Board and even though I didn’t win a spot, I gave it my all and I am so proud to have gone after something I believed in. the one household product i could never live without… bleach. I love the smell of cleanness.

hair loss, not identity loss

story by | violet deilke

Asa hair loss specialist and salon owner, I get asked for advice on how to help women going through treatment for cancer and dealing with hair loss. These are some of the most common question:

q. My best friend was just diagnosed with cancer. What can I do to help her?

a. The first thing you can do is continue to be her good friend. Spend time with her, listen to her and let her talk. Ask her what she needs help with. And of course, pray for her everyday and whenever you see her, give her a hug. Touch can be so healing.

q. Her doctor told her she is going to lose her hair. What can I do to help and support her during this time?

a. When it is time to prepare for losing her hair, encourage her to go early to look for a cranial prosthesis [wig]. Her

hair loss specialist will be able to see her natural hair color and style and can design a prosthesis that will match her natural look. They will be able to fit, alter, cut and design the prosthesis just for her.

It is also helpful to call ahead so the salon knows her situation and will be able to give her the best care possible. Lastly, go with and help her choose her new hair; one that has the most natural look with a natural scalp.

q. Should she shave her head or just let it all fall out?

a. Having gone through treatment myself for cancer and losing my hair, I can tell you what I did. When my hair started to fall out, I had my head shaved so I wasn’t watching my hair fall out day after day. This took some of the trauma and emotion away, it also helped me feel in control of the situation. This is a very difficult time for a woman and a time when they need a lot of support. If she is married, make sure her husband has someone to talk to as well.

other info

Here are a few other helpful items I have learned regarding hair loss as a result of cancer treatment you may want to share this with her:

• Some insurance companies will pay for her prosthesis; either completely or partially.

• There are many choices for prosthesis [wigs] today:

· Human hair [with unbelievable quality]

Synthetic hair

· High grade Cyberhair [which you can swim in]

• The choices are so much better than they were even five years ago. It is amazing how natural a look we can achieve. Some prosthesis have a built in comfort cap, which makes the prosthesis cooler, less itchy and more comfortable to wear. In addition, the natural scalp helps to make the cranial prosthesis appear more real. Each of these are contributing factors in determining the cost. Going through cancer treatment is a very difficult time, but with the support of family and friends and our Lord, we can get through it. To find out more ways to help, go to my website www.centreforhairandwellness.com or feel free to call 218.236.6000.

Centre for Hair & Wellness is a full-service hair salon, day spa and hair loss center. Their salon & spa services nourish your spirit and your sense of who you are allowing you to relax, rejuvenate and be pampered. Their private and discreet hair loss center offers the region’s most beautiful and comfortable options for people of every age, from young children through adult men and women. They have been the area’s first choice for truly professional hair replacement advice and options for more than 20 years.

420 Center Avenue, Suite 14, Moorhead [Moorhead Center Mall north parking lot entrance] www.centreforhairandwellness.com 218.236.6000

cst: a natural option

story by | carolyn sanftleben

You have maybe never heard of CranioSacral Therapy [CST], but it offers a chance at an improved quality of life no matter what level a person is functioning. People of all ages from newborn to the last days of life can benefit from CST and it is the number one alternative therapy for migraine headaches. Children and adults suffering from ADD, learning disabilities, dyslexia, autism, chronic pain, post traumatic stress disorder, headache pain, allergies, ear infections, scoliosis, sleep disorders and many other conditions, have experienced the benefits of CST.

I discovered CST after my son had six sets of tubes in his ears between the ages of three and ten. That, in addition to a diagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder [ADHD] at the age of ten, led me to research any and all therapies available for children with ADHD. CST is what I found.

CST is a gentle way of healing often yielding dramatic results

cst history

CST dates back to 1970 when Dr. John E. Upledger first witnessed the rhythmic movement of the craniosacral system during a spinal surgery. By 1975, he was testing and documenting the influence of CST on children that were having trouble in school, and by 1985, Dr. Upledger established the Upledger Institute to teach the public and healthcare practitioners about the benefits of the therapy.

CST is a gentle way of healing often yielding dramatic results. Cranio refers to the head and sacral refers to the base of the spine and tailbone. The craniosacral system is made up of the brain and spinal cord [the central nervous system]; the cerebrospinal fluid that bathes the brain and spinal cord; the surrounding membranes that enclose the brain, spinal cord and cerebrospinal fluid; and the bones of the spine and skull that house these membranes.

how it works

Using a light touch generally no more than the weight of a nickel, the practitioner monitors the rhythm of the craniosacral system to detect potential restrictions and imbalances. Delicate manual techniques are then used to release those problem areas.

A typical session lasts approximately one hour. During this time the client lies on a massage table fully clothed and will usually become very relaxed. Children can color, play with a favorite toy, sit on a parent’s lap or do whatever makes them comfortable. It is not uncommon

for typically active children to relax and sit still, but it’s ok if they don’t. Results are often seen after the first appointment with a goal to remedy the symptoms.

As the years have gone by, I have seen dramatic results with CST with many different people in many different walks of life. And even though my son is no longer a child, the benefits of CST for him are still helping improve his way of life. Once we started CST with my son he no longer needed tubes in his ears and all ear infections went away.

some other results

• I have treated babies who are colicky and who have a slight head tip and after only a few sessions of CTS both are corrected.

• Children with math/reading difficulties will improve dramatically - my sons reading went up three grades after having the CTS therapy.

• CTS has helped many kids with behavior issues at school - it improves their attention in class, helps

them sit still for longer periods of time and helps them stay focused while studying.

• CTS works wonders for people who have headaches and sinus infections—after a few treatments patients will notice a vast improvement with both—I work hard to provide services to correct the issues so my patients will not need therapy all of their life.

Relaxation Plus is a wellness and day spa dedicated to promoting your good health! In addition to CST, they also offer massage, reflexology and numerous spa services. Relaxation Plus is a refuge of total relaxation where your body is rejuvenated; your mind relaxed and your spirits experience utter bliss. 2901 Frontage Rd S, Suite 4, Moorhead [just west of Target] www.relaxationplusmn.com 218.284.0899

air it out

story by | greg irion

Air is the #1 element that sustains our lives. We breathe approximately 35 pounds of air a day and could only live without it for about three minutes. Because most American’s spend 90% of their time indoors, it’s no surprise that the Environmental Protection Agency [EPA] rates indoor air pollution among the top environmental health risks.

As we have strived for more energy efficient homes, they have become more tightly sealed, which doesn’t allow a lot of ventilation. The air inside your home could be 5 to 10 times dirtier than the air outside. Air containing dust, pet dander, and other harmful allergens can drive asthma and allergy sufferers crazy.

Air purifiers can be an excellent way to clean up the air in your home, but not all are created equally. Clean air is important, so make sure your air purifier is the right choice.

do your research

There are lots of options when it comes to buying an air purifier. Here are some things to consider so you go home with an effective and affordable product:

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

• the filter There are a variety of filter option. Some air purifiers can even have more than one. Be sure to find out how often they need to be replaced and the respective cost.

• the coverage Air purifiers will be designated for a certain sized room. Determine the room you plan to have it in and the air purifier should be capable of handling that size or larger. A great place to consider having your air purifier is your bedroom since we typically spend the most time there.

• the pollutants eliminated Know what your air purifier is capable of eliminating from air. Will it take care of dust and pollen or how about orders, pet dander or bacteria?

• the warranty A quality company will offer a warranty on their air purifier. If they don’t or it isn’t very long, move on. Also, know what the warranty covers and what you need to do to keep within the coverage terms such as changing filters every so often.

• the energy requirements Like every other appliance in your home, an air purifier is going to use electricity. Make sure the one you choose is energy efficient.

We all can benefit from clean air, but you don’t need to pay thousands of dollars for it. Do your research and find the right air purifier for your home.

ORECK Clean Home Center is known for having the world’s most powerful, light weight vacuums, but they also offer air purifiers that collect dust, mold spores, pollen, bacteria and viruses using its patented filter called a Truman Cell, which doesn’t need to be replaced and has a lifetime warranty. It is powerful enough to circulate the air in a 12’ x 18’ area twice an hour and it will also get rid of odors! All of this and it uses the same energy as a standard light bulb.

flyin’ the coop

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

story by | elizabeth nawrot, ph.d.

Icouldn’tbelieve what I was hearing. My 14-year-old son had just informed me that in a few weeks the State of North Dakota would give him the right to operate a motor vehicle. “What? You’re getting a drivers license? But you’re only 14!” His typically teenage reply was a nod over the shoulder followed by “Well, in four more years, I’m outta here.” “And where are you going?” My husband inquired. “To college, of course!” was the reply, and my son’s voice trailed off down the basement steps towards videogame land. Now at that moment I could feel something begin to swell up inside of me, but I wasn’t sure if it was the pride of hearing my son accepting the fact of going off to college, or the nausea of the sudden realization that it would be happening in just four years!

I may have some time to get used to the idea of my children leaving home, but for many families the “empty nest” is fast approaching. In the United States last year, there was a record 18.4 million students enrolled in college. Just over 3 million of those were freshmen heading off to college for the first time. Here in the Valley is no exception to the trend, with students entering higher education in greater numbers, with just over 55,000 in Minnesota and nearly 9,000 in North Dakota.

So one thing seems certain: there are sure to be a lot of road trips this Fall. But will they end in tears of sorrow or relief? Will you be happy to finally have the kids out of the house? Is that spare bedroom turning into a sacred shrine or becoming your personal pilates retreat? What is the reality of the empty nest?

the kids are gone, now what

Psychologists who study lifespan development have dubbed the “empty nest” that stage of life when the last child leaves home to become an emerging adult. If this time is accompanied with feelings of depression or emotional anxiety, it is referred to as “empty nest

Brooke Erstad, PT, DPT

syndrome”. While many people take it for granted that depression must be the norm when kids leave home, especially for moms, most research finds that this is not the case. In one study, only 25% of parents reported being “very unhappy” when their last child left home. Moreover, the empty nest may be beneficial, especially for moms. It turns out that marital satisfaction increases for many women when the children have left home. You can probably guess the explanation: satisfaction generally declines during the early years of child rearing [remember all those sleepless nights with 2am feedings, the terrible-two’s, teenagers…] but it bounces back with the empty nest as couples find more quality time to spend together.

Whether or not your marital satisfaction will increase during the empty nest depends on many things. For example, this stage of life can be complicated by the occurrence of menopause symptoms or caring for an aging parent. Moreover, the duration of your marriage before you enter into the empty nest phase is important, with couples who reach this stage earlier in their marriage at greater risk for marital disruption. According to psychologist John Gottman, there are seven positive elements that can predict happiness for older couples, including joy, playfulness, humor, adventurousness, caring, empathy, and common interests.

the “lonely” nest

This is not to say that the empty nest doesn’t get lonely sometimes. Genevieve, a 53-year-old Fargo mom whose only daughter is about to start her second year of medical school, sums up her feelings about the empty nest this way: “I still miss her. When she left I felt like I hadn’t finished spending time with her.” Although Genevieve works full time, she says that it keeps her busy but not necessarily fulfilled. She and her husband find time to travel to see their daughter as often as possible, and they even keep tabs on her via Facebook.

One important thing that parents can do to ease the transition to an empty nest is to help foster and support their newly emerging adult’s growing need for independence. Of course, this is easier said than done as a parent’s number one responsibility up until this point was to allow the child’s dependence. But the emerging adult has a growing need for independence and sense of identity that is at odds with this dependence. There is a need for him or her to abandon the family while at the same time not being abandoned by the

family. Parents can continue to provide support in varying degrees, from the financial support of college tuition or loans, to the day to day support of helping with the laundry.

All parents know how difficult it is to sit by and watch as their emerging adult attempts new challenges on their own. As Erma Bombeck observed, “When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.”

what a relief!

As a mom, you had an important role in your child’s independence and success and it should make you feel good. It turns out that research confirms this idea that parents feel better about themselves when their children achieve higher levels of success. So have high expectations for your children and when they live up to

them you will feel the rewards, too. Mercedes, 46, is a single mother from Dilworth whose reaction when the last of her six children left home can only be described as relief. She pauses to think a moment and then says, “I didn’t have a chance to enjoy them when they were young. I have a wonderful relationship with my kids now. We have fun, we laugh!”

failure to launch

Just when you thought it was safe to redecorate the spare bedroom…there is a growing trend these days of adult children delaying leaving home or returning home to live with their parents. “Boomerang kids” or “BTBs” [back-to-bedroom] as they are sometimes called, return home for a variety of reasons, including unsuccessful careers, failed marriages, of just to save money. About half of middle-aged parents with adult children reported that they had one child who currently lives at home. The re-filling of the empty nest is an unexpected life event, for both child and parent, so it can be a trying time. Although parents feel good for providing support, the loss of privacy and disruptions to both families are sure to create conflict.

Some tips for helping deal with boomerang kids include: Set expectations ahead of time for things like paying rent and doing housework. Will you allow drinking alcohol in the home? What about having friends over? If you negotiate these things ahead of time it will help avoid conflict. And set a deadline from the start for how long the adult child will live at home.

surviving and thriving

Not everyone in the family will react the same way when a child leaves home, and it can be difficult to cope if one person’s depression is interfering with another’s vacation plans. There are a number of excellent books that offer advice, coping strategies, and practical tips for families in all stages of the empty nest:

• For parents who want to better understand their child’s transformation to emerging adult and the importance of fostering independence, I recommend Letting go: A parents’ guide to understanding the college years [2009] by Karen Levin Coburn & Madge Lawrence Treeger. The authors describe both physical and emotional independence, and the importance

of identity formation. The book also covers some difficult issues such as dating and date rape, crime, eating disorders and drug use.

• A book that addresses the needs of all members of the family is When your kid goes to college: A parent’s survival guide. [1999] by Carol Barkin. There is a section on helping your spouse, younger children, even pets deal with the empty nest with strategies for getting through it and keeping in touch. Again, this book includes material to help the emerging adult, with

there is no question life is a journey not only are your children embarking on a whole new world filled with lessons to learn, but so are you

practical advice on everything from money and shopping to doing the laundry.

• If you need a little pick-me-up, just read a story or two from Chicken soup for the soul: Empty nesters: 101 stories about surviving and thriving when the kids leave home [2008] by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Carl McAdoo Rehme & Patricia Cena Evans. With so many stories of children going off to college, new homes, and careers, you are sure to find one to inspire, soothe, make you laugh, or maybe even cry a little.

• This last book is for anyone whose children have come back to roost! Boomerang nation: How to survive living with your parents… The second time around [2005] by Elina Furman not only has lots of practical advice on things like financial planning and domestic issues, but the book includes interviews with boomerangers with tips on how they managed to keep it all together.

There is no question life is a journey. Not only are your children embarking on a whole new world filled with lessons to learn, but so are you. Consider this time of your life a step forward, a step in a new direction. Get

back in the adventure of life because life doesn’t end with an empty nest. It’s just another beginning!

references

1. Institute for Education Sciences National Center for Education Statistics website: http://nces.ed.gov/

2. Lifespan Development (12th edition). John Santrock. McGraw-Hill Publishing.

3. Adult Development and Aging (6th Edition). John Cavanaugh. Wadsworth Publishing.

4. Development in Adulthood (4th edition). Barbara Hansen Lemme. Allyn & Bacon Publishing.

5. http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/aging/emptynest-marriage.htm/printable

6. Sara Gorchoff, Oliver John, & Ravenna Helson (2008). Contextualizing Change in Marital Satisfaction During Middle Age: An 18-Year Longitudinal Study. Psychological Science, Vol 19 (11).

7. Abigail Trafford (2009) “The Kids are Gone. Now What is Marriage all About? The Washington Post.

8. Bridget Hiedemann, Olga Suhomlinova, & Angela M. O’Rand (1998). Economic Independence, Economic Status, and Empty Nest in Midlife Marital Disruption. Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol 60 (1).

august events

9, 12, 16, 19, 23, 26 & 30

Car Seat Safety Check

701.234.5570

www.north.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! Make an appointment be at the Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] between 3:00pm–6:00pm. This is a free event, but registration is required. Also note that it takes a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

10

Children's Music Academy

701.771.0116

www.childrensmusicacademy.org

Join the Children't Music Academy at Messiah Lutheran Church [2010 Elm St N, Fargo] for a FREE parent/child [age 4–8] introductory class. Call to register.

10 & 17

Park It!

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Explore your creativity with the Xcellent Art Lady when she comes to Brunsdale &

Longfellow Park on the 10th & Roosevelt Park on the 17th, 1:00pm–4:00pm, for an afternoon of arts and crafts fun! She will bring all the supplies for you to paint, draw, color, or glue together. Create a variety of projects to take home. FREE & adult supervision required.

10

RiverArts

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Celebrate summer at RiverArts in Davy Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead], 5:30pm–8:30pm!

Bring the whole family to the park for an outdoor concert, horse drawn carriage rides, shopping, farmers market, and kid’s activities including River Keepers Fishing Clinic. 188th Army Band – TTR Rock and Country Ensemble takes the stage at 6:00pm. FREE admission!

10, 11, 17, 18, 24,

25 & 31

Storytime!

218.233.7594

www.larl.org

Kiddos ages 3–kindergarten are invited to the Moorhead Library for exciting stories and fun activities starting at 6:30pm August

10, 17, 24 & 31 or 10:30am August 11, 18 & 25. A different theme is explored each week through stories, songs, fingerplays, flannelboards and/or a craft.

12 Community Play Day

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Take a mini-vacation at Reault Farm 9:00am–11:00am and 1:00pm–3:00pm. Kids will have fun playing games, doing a craft project & playing on the playground. Daycares are welcome. Adults supervision required.

12, 19 & 26

Plain Food Farmers Market

www.plainsart.org

At the Museum’s main entrance on 7th, the Market will carry produce, flowers, dairy products, honey, baked goods, arts and crafts from local vendors, all offered in a setting with a friendly, fun street vibe. From 4:00pm–7:00pm.

16

Dog Swim

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Celebrate the Dog Days of Summer with

the Annual Dog Swim! Four–legged friends are invited to dive in and splash around with fellow dogs at the South Park Wading Pool [2102 14th St S, Moorhead] & Northeast Park Wading Pool [1817 8th Ave S, Moorhead] from 5:00pm–8:00pm. All dogs should have a collar, carry ID tags, be properly licensed, vaccinated, and in good health to participate. Admission is $2.00 per dog and proceeds benefit the Moorhead Dog Park.

16-19

See the Music, Hear the Art

www.plainsart.org

Kiddos going into grades 3-5 come explore The White Album: Beatles Meet the Plains exhibition at the Plains Art Museum and understand how music paints pictures and colors sing. Campers will create a symphony of artwork that can be seen and also heard!

17

SHARE Pregnancy & Infant

Loss Support

701.234.7500

www.north.sanfordhealth.org

This nondenominational group offers support to those whose lives are touched

by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or within the first few months of life. Meeting are head on the 3rd Tuesday of every month at 7:00pm at Faith United Methodist Church [19th Ave. N, Fargo].

21

Reel Movies for Real Needs

701.461.8902

www.marcustheatres.com

Sometimes it is difficult or uncomfortable for families with special needs children to attend movies together. Century Cinema offers a welcoming and comfortable environment—lower sound, lights up— where families with children who need accommodations will be able to share the experience of seeing family friendly films at a theatre. Be there at 10:30am to see Nanny Mcphee Returns!

21

Walk to D'Feet ALS

www.walktodefeatals.org

Join a team, form a team or walk proud on your own. The walk to D'Feet ALS fundraiser is hosted by the MN Chapter who's mission is to fight for a cure, treat and empower those living with ALS. Monies

raised stay local so walk your way to Lindenwood Park for the 9:00am start. OTMOM will see you there!

21

B.L.A.S.T Babysitter's Day

Camp

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

The initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper changing techniques, also learn about when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

23

Pediatric First Aid Class

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

This course covers basic first aid of children. Located at F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo] starting at 7:00pm. $35 fee. Register online.

27 & 28

Potato Days

800.525.4901

www.potatodays.com

Lots of fun for the whole family. Parade, games, contests and don't forget…Mashed Potato Wrestling!

28 & 29 Island Park Show

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Spend a day at Island Park shopping in the shade, 10:00am–5:00pm! Come to the beautiful park for a two-day festival of original fine arts and unique crafts.

29 Streets Alive

www.fmstreetsalive.org

For the first time ever, a 5 mile stretch of key FM streets, including Broadway and Center Avenue, will be closed to motorized vehicles! Walkers, bikers, runners, rollerbladers—any human-powered transportation—will fill the streets. Experience dance and fitness activities, music, juggling and art entertainment in parks and other areas along the route.

31 Village Green Neighborhood Park Party

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Join your neighbors for a party in the park at Village Green Park [3050 38th Ave S, Moorhead] 6:00pm–8:00pm! Join Moorhead Parks and Recreation for music, games, crafts, face painting, balloon sculpting, and playing in the Games Galore Bounce-N-Slide. FREE admission!

september events

2, 6, 9, 13, 16, 20, 23, 27 & 30

Car Seat Safety Check

701.234.5570

www.north.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! Make an appointment be at the Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] between 3:00pm–6:00pm. This is a free event, but registration is required. Also note that it takes a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

2, 9, 16 & 23

Plain Food Farmers Market

www.plainsart.org

At the Museum’s main entrance on 7th, the Market will carry produce, flowers, dairy products, honey, baked goods, arts and crafts from local vendors, all offered in a setting with a friendly, fun street vibe. From 4:00pm–7:00pm.

10

Make-A-Wish Gala

701.280.WISH (9474)

www.northdakota.wish.org

The Make-A-Wish Foundation® of North Dakota has been granting wishes for 25 years! The 12th Annual One Enchanted Evening Gala will be held at the Holiday Inn of Fargo & will include a social and silent auction, followed by dinner, program and live auction. Both auctions will feature unique experiences, travel packages, celebrity items, and one-of-a-kind gifts.

10-17

Greater Moorhead Days

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Greater Moorhead Days Parade, Car Show, Miss Moorhead Pageant, Bocce Challenge & much more!

11

Penny & Pals

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Children ages 4–10 be at the RDJ Rec Center from 10:00am–Noon for a one day or multi-day series of classes lead by Penny Andrist and her musical pals. Children learn songs, dances and work with props-then show off what is learned at a special performance at the end of each session for families and friends.

12

10th Annual Hope of Walk

701.293.6462

www.myfirstlink.org

Part of Suicide Awareness & Prevention Week, FirstLink is hosting the Hope Walk. Registration starts at 3:00pm with a social/ fundraiser following the walk at Pepper’s American Café.

13

Artmania

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Kiddos age 6–8, head to the RDJ Rec Center 6:30pm–8:00pm & learn the basics of drawing and painting by using all types of media.

13, 20 & 27

Active Parenting of Teens

www.ag.ndsu.edu/

casscountyextension

This class, held at the West Fargo High School Library, will give you the guidance and support you need to turn the challenges of raising a teenager into opportunities for growth. Classes are September 13, 20 & 27 from 6:30pm–8:00pm. $20 fee.

we don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing

—George Bernard Shaw

14

Hoppin' Hoedown Tickets

On Sale

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Tickets on sale for the Hoppin Hoedown! Moms, step-moms, grandmas & aunts can bring their favorite cowboy to the hoedown party at Roosevelt Elementary, 6:30pm–8:30pm, October 16th. $5 for moms, $3 for sons [age 4-12].

16

Chocolate Fantasy & Chili Too!

701.232.3449

www.ywcacassclay.org

Chocolate, chili and a silent auction. Support the YWCA at the Holiday Inn from 11:00am–7:00pm. Contact Lauryn for more info on volunteer opportunities or desert donations.

16 & 17

West Fest

701.282.4444

www.westfargochamber.com

West Fargo's biggest festival filled with a parade and tons of activities. For more information on schedule of events visit online.

18

Fall Rummage Sale

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

The annual sale at the Veterans Memorial Arena combines 100-130 people selling crafts, antiques, collectibles, closeout & garage sale items. Doors are open 7:00am–2:00pm. Adult admission is $1 and Kids 17 & under FREE.

18

Walk & Roll-A-Thon

218.331.2047

www.creativecare.org

Rain or Shine, head to Oak Grove Park in Fargo and participate in this fabulous fundraiser for disabilities awareness brought to you by CCRI. There will be a picnic, music & games for the kids. The fun starts at 10:30am.

18, 19, 25 & 26 Fall Festival

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Join us at Rheault Farm for games and Rides. Saturday 10:00am–5:00pm and Sunday Noon–5:00pm. FREE.

19 Streets Alive

www.fmstreetsalive.org

For the first time ever, a 5 mile stretch of key FM streets, including Broadway and Center Avenue, will be closed to motorized vehicles! Walkers, bikers, runners, rollerbladers—any human-powered transportation—will fill the streets. Experience dance and fitness activities, music, juggling and art entertainment in parks and other areas along the route.

21

Take Back the Night

701.293.7273

www.raccfm.com

Take a stand against domestic violence. It all starts at 5:30pm with a community picnic at the Oak Grove Park Main Shelter followed by a program at 7:00pm.

21

Pig-n-Blanket

701.364.0264

www.dakotaranch.org

Dinner and Quilt auction at Hope Lutheran Church South Campus. Proceeds benefit kids programs for the Dakota Boys & Girls Ranch. Quilt preview at 3:00pm, Dinner at 5:00pm & Live Auction at 6:30pm.

human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home

—Bill Cosby

october events

2

Create & Explore

701.241.1350

www.fargoparks.com

Come to the RDJ Rec Center at 10:00am & let your children explore their universe through a variety of hands-on activities and projects. For ages 4-8.

4

Herb, Spices & Variety

701.234.5570

www.north.sanfordhealth.org

Health is very much affected by the food we eat. Herbs and spices can be an easy way to add flavor to food and support making healthy food choices. Healthy foods do not have to be boring!! Class starts at 5:30pm at MeritCare Southpointe. $10 fee, registration required.

4, 7, 11, 14, 18, 21, 25 & 28

Car Seat Safety Check

701.234.5570

www.north.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! Make an appointment be at the Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] between 3:00pm–6:00pm. This is a free event, but registration is required. Also note that it takes a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

5

Doula Meet & Greet

http://doulasrrv.org

Join us for a monthly Doulas of the Red River Valley Meet & Greet in the lower level small meeting room of the Moorhead Library . With several doulas attending this free meeting, you are able to get your questions answered and talk informally.

11 & 14

Pajama Jamboree

701.241.1495

www.fargolibrary.org

Join us for Pajama Jamboree, a family storytime featuring bedtime stories at 6:30pm in the children's area at the downtown Main Library on the 11th & the 14th at Dr. James Carlson Library. Families are welcome and kids can wear their PJs.

15

RACC Harvest Moon Fling

701.293.7273

www.raccfm.com

Support the Rape And Abuse Crisis Center with a night of fun at the Courtyard by Marriot in Moorhead from 7:30pm–11:00pm. Wine Tasting, silent auction, hors d'oveuvres and live entertainment will fill the night. Call or go online for ticket information.

16

Hoppin' Hoedown

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Moms, step-moms, grandmas & aunts bring your favorite cowboy to this hoedown party at Roosevelt Elementary, 6:30pm–8:30pm. $5 for moms, $3 for sons [age 4-12]. Tickets on sale Sept. 14th at the RDJ Rec Center.

16

Woman's Showcase

www.fmwomensshowcase.com

Women's Showcase offers a great day of fun with hundreds of exhibitors, great seminars and more at the Fargodome! Doors open at 9:00am.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area it is encouraged organizations submit events for consideration to info@onthemindsofmoms.com Eco

19

SHARE Pregnancy & Infant

Loss Support

701.234.7500

www.meritcare.com

This nondenominational group offers support to those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or within the first few months of life. Meeting are head on the 3rd Tuesday of every month at 7:00pm at Faith United Methodist Church [19th Ave. N, Fargo].

23

Freaky Friday Night

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Vampires, ghosts and skeletons welcome! Everyone wear a costume and “monster mash” the night away at the Fargo Youth Commission 6:30pm–9:00pm. $3 fee.

24

Night Eyes Halloween Event

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Come in costume and enjoy trick or treating throughout the Red River Zoo along with other spooky activities from Noon–7:00pm.

25

Pediatric First Aid Class

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

This course covers basic first aid of children. Located at F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo] starting at 7:00pm. $35 fee. Register online.

30

Comstock House Halloween

Treats and ours

218.291.4211

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Wear your costume for a night of treats and tours at the Comstock House [506 8th St S, Moorhead] 6:00pm–8:00pm.

Tours of this 1882 Victorian home will be given along with treats, games, and more. Admission is $4, $2 for MNHS members, FREE for children 5 and under.

—Doug Larson

back to stress… I mean school…

story by | laura sokolofsky

students – before the test

Jane

sits at her desk, the teacher told her about this test 2 weeks ago, she studied a lot, the test is now being passed out… her leg starts jumping, her palms get sweaty yet cold and clammy, her face feels warm, her heart starts racing and it feels like it will jump out of her chest as she looks over the test and her mind goes blank… her anxiety has taken over.

Back to school can mean back to emotional stress and test anxiety for many students. High stakes, mandated testing has raised pressures for schools, teachers, and it often lands on the students' shoulders with higher expectations and standards to measure up to each year.

Fear is a reaction to a real outside source of danger that can hurt you. At that moment, the fight, flight, or freeze instinct takes over. Anxiety is internal, which causes a physical and emotional reaction to the stressor. Logical thinking is affected if emotions take over. The ability to concentrate and focus can be lost as well as the ability to remember stored information. There are some things teachers, parents, and students can do to help send positive messages about testing and ease the test anxiety for all involved.

Common sense says get sleep, eat breakfast, and study. Sounds easy, right? But many students don’t know strategies to study effectively before the test and this adds to feelings of being unprepared, not confident, and possibly hopeless. No one can memorize all their notes, teachers' lectures, and textbooks. Have your child/student consider these ideas to help the days before the test go smoother:

• Take good notes, write what the teacher puts on the board or says in a list “1st, 2nd, 3rd”.

• Use a three ring binder so notes can be added, removed, highlighted, or organized by information as needed.

• Write down the bold and italicized words and definitions from textbooks, and answer the questions at the end of each chapter to quiz yourself.

• Ask for a practice test or for the teacher to help narrow down what’s most important to focus on in studying.

• Most importantly, tell them about test anxiety. Remember, teachers want to help students do well too; it is a reflection of their teaching.

students – during the test Emotions are often high at test time and success depends on the physical, emotional and mental ability to cope

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

with the pressure. First, to calm oneself to stay rational, take a deep breath, visualize a relaxing scene and remember worrying is a waste of energy and will not help the outcome. Think of it like being on “Who wants to be a Millionaire” [without phone-a-friend], but use strategies to think through and narrow down options:

• Look over the whole test, circle or underline key words in the directions like; identify, describe, compare. Be careful of words like always, never, least, not, and except because these can change the meaning of the whole question.

• Multiple Choice questions. Read the question and answer A, then reread the question and answer B, reread the question and read Answer C, reread the question and answer D—this helps you better eliminate and cross off the answers you know are wrong. It also helps you focus on each answer and which would be the best choice.

• True/False questions, pick true, unless you can prove otherwise and check that all parts of the sentence are true.

• If the first question is hard or you don’t know it, move on to find an easier one and start there instead. Panic and doom can set in if you sit on and struggle with the first question.

student – after the test

The test is over and it’s time to evaluate your results and your testing process. Look at how you did and how you felt during the test. Do you think you are a good student? Do you have confidence or interest in the subject? Do you have the ability to cope with your emotions and stress? If you answer no to these questions, you need some support before the next test. Talk to your teacher. Everyone has to do tasks in life they do not enjoy and must learn to persevere.

parent help

As parents we all want to see our kids do well in most everything they try and when it comes to school, nothing is more important. Here are ways to offer assistance to cope with test anxiety:

• Ask how, when, and where he will study for the test.

• Ask him how prepared he feels for the test.

• Offer to help him as needed [flashcards, make up questions, listen to him orally explain the chapter, quiz vocabulary definitions, etc].

• Help him feel safe talking with you about his feelings, reassure him that many people have test anxiety and he can get help to handle it.

• Show unconditional love. You expect him to try his best, but you will not judge him on the outcome.

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• A 504 Plan may be an option if a diagnosis or a disability is present. A 504 Plan spells out the modifications and accommodations that will be needed for the student to have an opportunity to perform at the same level as their peers. Testing modifications can be made if it is severely impacting the student educationally. These modifications can include tests taken in a small group, oral directions given, taking a test in a separate space away from distractions, or allowing more time to complete a test.

• Seek professional help if the anxiety is interfering with normal activities; eating sleeping, physical health, friendships, it can progress to panic attacks, OCD, and phobias if coping strategies are not put in place.

teacher help

Teachers went into teaching because they want to help students and they want their students to be successful. There are also things teachers can do to ease test anxiety:

• Start the test/quiz with an easy one!

• Listen to your students and get their feedback [verbal/ written] before the test to determine what is still unclear or what they are nervous about.

• Survey after the test, review or re-teach what was not understood.

• Have students write what they were thinking about during the test, collect the statements and go through how many of them were positive thoughts or negative and then brainstorm how to change all the thoughts to positive ones so the next time anxiety can be reduce.

School counselors can also assist in making a plan to help students prepare and learn techniques to take control of anxiety. One of the most memorable teachers I had gave out the test questions before hand and we were in control of our fate. If you studied and found the answers you did well, if you did not, knowing the questions didn’t help you one bit—I always appreciated that Ms Barbie!

I find it interesting that in the working world [which is the ultimate destination and reason for preparing and educating students] we aren’t tested weekly on what we know. We have tasks and projects to be completed daily that we are continually evaluated on. In the school setting, if daily work carried more weight than tests, it could greatly relieve test anxiety conditions for many, which coincidently would help test scores go up. But, as long as there are tests, there will be test anxiety. We can all do our part to help limit that anxiety and give our students the best opportunity to succeed.

State Farm, Bloomington, IL

Celebrating her 28th year as a local business woman, Bridget Swenson has worked much of her adult life in retail. Before graduating from college she started working in a women’s clothing store in the alteration department. With an eye for style and desirable management skills she soon moved into management, merchandising and buying. It wasn’t long before Bridget decided if she was going to continue working retail hours it might as well be for herself. She contacted the Small Business Administration, met with people like Ed Stern from Straus and the Small Business Development Center at MSUM to help put a business plan together. Before she knew it Bridget’s on the Mall opened in 1982.

photos: rialee photography | casie beldo

mompreneur

bridget swenson mommy’s maternity

Five years later she saw an opportunity to fill the need for a maternity specialty store called Moms To Be. Now after 13 years in her current location, Mommy’s Maternity is thriving under Bridget’s watchful eye. She is quick to credit her success to her four employees, whom all have over 10 years of experience in the maternity business and to the continued support from her husband, Jim, and four adult children, Staci, James, Britt and Christopher.

aside from maternity clothes, what other products do you carry?

Morning sickness and stretch mark products, ultrasound frames, books and journals, Bella Bands, maternity support garments and body pillows, diaper bags and quick change kits, baby gifts and albums, postpartum support garments, Medela and Lansinoh products, nursing bras and aids, nursing pumps and supplies, nursing tops and covers, big brother and sister shirts, dolls and books.

what item has continually been your top seller year after year?

Nursing bras, support garments and Gripe Water. There is nothing more frustrating when you’re pregnant than being uncomfortable. We carry back and tummy supports as well as compression hose for varicose veins and a large range of bra sizes. Gripe Water is a solution for colic. It’s had great success. do you offer both in store and online shopping?

Yes, we added the website four years ago. We ship anywhere in the USA including APO’s. We continue to add new items to the site on a regular basis but not everything in the store is online.

how have you seen styles evolve?

Since Demi Moore was on the cover of Vanity Fair in 1991 celebrities have made it more fashionable to be pregnant and designers have paid attention. With the use of lycra, clothing is more form fitting unlike the tent-like tops and dresses in the past. Women want to dress like they normally do whether it be jeans, workout clothing or support garments. More

A Child Caring Center

Serving Families in FargoMoorhead since 1980

Infant, Toddler & Preschool Programs

Educated Staff - CPR & First Aid Certified Regular Parent-Teacher Conferences

Encourage Individual Development

Meals Included

than that, there are so many more mompreneurs developing products specifically designed for issues moms deal with in having babies; products like milkscreen, shrinxhips, hooter hiders, bella bands, walking wings and the belly bandit to name a few. The maternity market now reflects trends as they are happening, not two years later.

how does Mommy’s Maternity stay up on the trends?

Everything is so immediate now. Many vendors send information and photos via the internet. If anything changes within a line, you can know it the same day. We have attended national buying markets in Chicago, Dallas, New York and Las Vegas where the

Mommy’s Maternity for?

Longevity and our willingness to change when the market and trends change. We’ve been committed to improving the business, year after year, and treating our customers as we would like to be treated.

what business knowledge do you have now that you wish you had in the beginning?

Wouldn’t it be a different world if we all started out with over 30 years of experience!

how has your family benefited from you owning your own business?

I was able to take each of my children to work with me until they were about 15-months-old. The office

at times looked more like a nursery… a pack-n-play, a swing and when a customer needed me, they may have gotten the baby too! If they were sick, I could leave, if they had activities, we scheduled around them. I’ve had wonderful people to work with and they were all very supportive. My children have also had the opportunity to attend markets with me. They’ve met the people I’ve worked with, been exposed to the industry, had a chance to travel and can appreciate what I do.

away from the business we might find you doing what?

You would probably find me working on something that has to do with raising money for Dragon Club Baseball or raising money for the Moorhead Field of Dreams stadium. I’m also lucky enough to spend Fridays with my 18-month-old granddaughter Brooklyn.

do you have any regrets?

I have no time for regrets. I believe that you make the best decisions you can at the time you make

Celebrate in

them and live with them. We all get older and hopefully smarter. what advice would you share with a budding mompreneur?

I tell people to get some work experience in whatever they’re interested in first and I don’t know who said it but, “Make your mistakes with someone else’s money”.

Mommy’s Maternity

3120 S 25th St, Fargo

Southpointe Mall

Phone: 701.232.4972

Website: www.mommysmaternity.com

Store Hours: Mon.-Thurs. 10-6, Fri.-Sat. 10-5 or by appointment

From princess to bride, Josef’s is your party headquarters. Choose from a la carte or prepackaged party services.

saynever…

story by | kathleen wrigley

Life is rich with possibilities. Opportunities abound and the prospects are plentiful. Yet, as a parent and a grown-up, I hear myself saying “never” too often. I’m learning the hard way that it’ll come back to bite ya. The older I get, the more “never sandwiches” I eat!

The word “never” is negative. It’s constricting. It lacks hope. Booooor-ing. I read once that “one should never say never. For if you live long enough, you will not be able to abide by its restrictions.”

Life is limitless, and I’m trying not to set silly boundaries. Still, I’ve recently digested a couple of those “never sandwiches.” While I wasn’t particularly hungry for them, it was my decision. Unfortunately, I kind of force-fed them to my husband, Drew. Drew isn’t close-minded. He’s just, well, more decisive than me.

So, when I exacerbating promised him two years ago that I would “never have another garage sale,” he looked concerned and confused, when I told him, “guess what?! We’re having a garage sale in July! ” In my defense, men don’t understand the volatility of hormone levels and the impact they have on decisiveness. That said, anyone who’s ever organized a garage sale knows they’re stressful and chaotic…alone. Throw in three kids, one being a toddler, and they’ll push any level-headed person over-the-edge!

Still, I reserve the right to change my mind, even if it means eating one of those “never sandwiches.” I couldn’t have guessed how claustrophobic my life and my storage room would get after saying “never” to a garage sale.

Good thing, too; it was a success for all of us! Our storage room and garage have ample room to grow…again. There was only one tussle that erupted after another toddler held tight to the stuffed animal his mom gave

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

him in exchange for a few minutes of uninterrupted shopping. Poor Harper got socked, after the two toddlers played tug-a-war with her already tattered pooh. She’s tough though, and not to be pitied. She felt victorious after tattling to his mommy, “you baby hit me.” Score.

Our older two kids set up a refreshment stand and sold lemonade, special k bars and brownies. Yes, we were busy. Between pricing and tagging and folding and lugging Rubbermaids, we baked and mixed, too.

Their goal: to raise money for the YWCA shelter. How do you walk away empty-handed, after hearing these little entrepreneurial, hopeful voices say, “All proceeds go to the YWCA shelter.” Their sale alone raised $47.75! And, even though I took the tip jar away that they made and set out for themselves [helllllo!], they still managed to garner extra coins for a job well-done. All tips were donated to the larger YWCA fund. They were proud as peacocks when they hand-delivered the donation themselves!

A successful day, no doubt. Without which would not have happened had I stuck to my promise of “never.”

We recently ate another “never sandwich” after years of hard work protesting and debating trampolines. The kids were united and persistent. Their parents were, too, albeit for different reasons. One was concerned about safety. The other’s gripe was more centered on the aesthetic look of the gigantic netted attraction. What? They only look beautiful to an 8-year-old. The kids’ list of pros fell on deaf ears, until this spring when I asked Drew, “what do you think about a trampoline? It’s not like they’re not jumping on them anyway.” Family and neighbors’ back yards are adorned with these centerpieces. Why not have them playing at our own house? Again, Drew looked as if I’d thrown him under the bus. Kids are smart, too. They saw a tiny glimmer of hope [or weakness?] in mommy and lunged.

The debate was re-born. Drew is trained and good at arguing his case and was determined not to be out-smarted by the tenacious creatures who inherited his skill. So, he went to work on his own list, quoting the injury probabilities and the fact that the American Academy of Pediatrics reaffirmed “trampolines should never be used in the home.” All of which fell on tiny, deaf ears. Blah. Blah. Blah, daddy.

Patrick’s huge bright blue eyes simply said, “but they’re so fun, Dad. We promise to follow the rules.” Quinny’s

words were more carefully planned and organized. “Dad, you had one as a kid and loved it. Plus, there are more injuries on bikes and you let us ride our bikes. And, we jump on other people’s, so why can’t we jump on our own in our own yard?” Both have their own style, much different from the other, but equally as persuasive. Those eyes melt me and her logic cannot be ignored. Yup, we ate another “never sandwich” on our way to Sam’s club.

So it goes…we’re a work in progress. Not exactly a quick study, but I console myself by admitting that life’s a journey. It’s a process and, there’s a large learning curve. I do know this: never is a long time. Live large. Jump high and hard and, without knowing what’s ahead and the endless possibilities, never ever ever say never. Not ever...unless you plan on eating those words later.

Kathleen Wrigley is a Philadelphia native, wife to Drew, and Mother of three, Quinn, Patrick and Harper. Kathleen is a full-time stay-at-home mom who dutifully volunteers. She serves on several community boards & committees, is active in her church, kids' school, and politics, and runs to sustain her own mental health! Before children, she was Director for Bismarck's Child Advocacy Center and was a former speech writer.

Fresh Fruit Salsa & Baked Cinnamon Pita Chips

Serve as an after school snack, a pre-dinner appetizer or even desert. This no-nonsense, quick and easy dish is super tasty and offers a variety of fruit combinations to fit your family’s liking.

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

prep: 20 minutes | cook: 10 minutes chill: 15 minutes | ready: 45 minutes serves: 10

what you need:

salsa:

• 4 Kiwis, peeled and diced

• 2 Golden Delicious Apples, peeled, cored and diced

• 1 pound strawberries, diced

• 1 tablespoons white sugar*

• 1 tablespoon brown sugar*

• 2 tablespoons fruit preserves, any flavor

*can substitute with stevia or another natural sweetener

pita chips:

• 10 [10 inch] flour tortillas*

• Cinnamon sugar

• Butter flavored cooking spray

* store bought pita chips are also an option

how to make it:

1. In a large bowl, thoroughly mix kiwis, apples, strawberries, white sugar, brown sugar and fruit preserves. Cover and chill in fridge for a minimum of 15 minutes.

2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

3. Coat one side of each tortilla with butter flavored cooking spray. Cut into wedges with a pizza cutter and arrange in a single layer [sprayed side up] on a lightly sprayed, large baking sheet. Sprinkle wedges with desired amount of cinnamon sugar.

4. Bake 8 to 10 minutes. Repeat with any remaining tortilla wedges. Allow to cool approximately 15 minutes. [store bought pita chips are also an option]

5. Serve with chilled fruit salsa.

North Dakota Heart Gallery

source: silly snacks & on the minds of moms magazine

As an only child born to parents Larry and Debbie Bartholomay, Kasey grew up on a farm NE of Mapleton, ND before he attended NDSU where he received a major in Business Administration with minors in Mass Communication and Art. Kasey and his wife, Lisa, of seven and a half years, are giddy parents to an on the go two and a half year old, Brooks Dakota. When Kasey isn’t stacking fruit and veggies and managing the produce department at the Moorhead Hornbacher’s grocery store, he can be found hunting the prairie, fishing the lakes country or tailgating at Bison football games with family and friends.

rad dad

age 28, fargo

every dad/man should have… a 4x4 pick-up-truck. Enough said! three things on my bucket list…

Alaskan Cruise, Elk Hunt in Wyoming, Colorado or Montana and to own either a 67’ Chevy Camaro SS, or a 72’ Chevy C10 Truck. something i want my son to experience… hunting. Specifically in the Badlands when the sun is coming up and wild game is running, flying and squawking all around. Nothing beats the landscape and scenery while catching a mid-afternoon nap in the sun on a hill side.

I want my son to experience hunting. Specifically in the Badlands when the sun is coming up and wild game is running, flying and squawking all around.

if my wife could throw away one thing of mine it would be… a western shirt that I have had for 10 years. It is long sleeved, with flames and bull riders all over it. a movie i hate to admit i’ve seen… all of the movies in the “Twilight Saga”, bad enough to admit I’ve seen them, but I thoroughly enjoy them too!

if i could spend an entire day with any person from any time period, it would be … Theodore Roosevelt. He was an unbelievable individual who accomplished more than most of us realize. Among all of his accolades he once stated "I never would have been President if it had not been for my experiences in North Dakota." I love being from North Dakota and spending time in the Badlands as Teddy did and it would have been neat to ranch/hunt back in 1883 with the great Teddy Roosevelt.

if a date night is on the schedule my wife and i… we will share dinner, drinks and a movie.

something i never expected when i became a dad…

the joys of going out to eat with a 2 ½ year old! It’s always one of those unknown adventures and on days when Brooks is not on top of his game, you just have to say, “Look, he’s only 2 1/2! “

the most spontaneous thing i’ve ever done… is pretend to be Gary LeVox [lead singer of Rascal Flatts] or Guy Fieri [host on Food Network]. People say I look an awful lot like them so it’s quite funny and a good laugh afterwards.

my son, Brooks has my… features. He is a spitting image of me when I was his age.

if i could give my wife anything it would be… a great trip to Savannah, Georgia and Charleston, South Carolina. She has dreamed of going to these two places for quite some time. Any place she would want to stay, any restaurants she would want to go to, any attractions…pretty much anything she would want to do or buy there!

the one store i frequent the most… other than Hornbacher’s would have to be Fleet Farm! You can’t go wrong at the Man’s Mall. in twenty years i picture myself… living in the country with one, hopefully two grown children that have learned and experienced everything that Lisa and I have had a chance to experience through our parents, family and friends. Still having fun, going to Bison football games, concerts, hunting and taking whatever comes my way head on.

Walk & Roll-a-thon Fundraiser for Disability Awareness

the joys of going out to eat with a 2 ½ year old! It’s always one of those unknown adventures.

photography by mandy

classic photography

stevie rae photography

stevie rae photography

skyloft photography

shutter bug

tiny sprout portraits

classic photography

skyloft photography

photography by mandy

readying the soil for another season

story by | roxane b. salonen

On the first day of school this year, after sweeping through freshly-shined school halls with my children and helping them find their teachers, desks and lockers, I’ll do as I have done for the last decade.

The annual tradition includes a stop by a local coffee shop, where I’ll join a chattering flock of fellow motherfriends. At some point in the morning, more than a few will begin dabbing their tender eyes with scratchy napkins, a combination of sadness, joy and relief mixing with mocha-saturated air.

But the difference between those other years and this one, for me, is that I won’t be balancing an extra child—“the one left behind”—on my lap. There will be no purse filled with Hot Wheels cars, My Little Pony horses or crayons, and no requests for lukewarm cocoa with whipped cream and sprinkles [and a pumpkin cookie too, if you please].

After ten years of moving through this yearly rite of motherly passage of coffee commiseration and celebration, all five of my children will be in school come fall for the first time ever. And on that day, when the chairs start to empty, when all that’s left on the tables are

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

biscotti crumbs and empty paper cups, I’ll head home to a quiet house.

As I turn the handle of my front doorknob, will I be flooded with a sense of loss or gain?

A little of both is my best guess, though I can’t know for certain until it happens. I’ve tried in the past but have never been able to accurately predict my exact emotions before traversing a new phase in my life.

But of this, I am certain. Over the past 14 years, I’ve immersed myself in the season of little ones. I’ve saturated my soul with a life of diaper-changing, hand-holding and smooch-making from the tender lips of toddlers. I’ve not just dipped but bathed in the mothering of my young brood, helped heal a thousand “owies” both on top of and below the surface, and boiled more cups of macaroni than I care to count.

Having plunged in as deeply as I have when the chance was before me, regrets are few. I feel more excited than anything for what’s to come. Yes, it will take some getting used to this new life, this altered pace, a house that, by day, is suddenly quiet as a leaf that falls from an autumn tree after a summer filled with a steady stream of wind storms and thunderheads.

During school hours there will be no requests for second helpings, hand-washing or clothes-picking. I will miss that. But neither will there be an inordinate amount of energy-whipping from daily doses of unpredictable temper tantrums.

Though I can’t be absolutely sure until I’m there for real, I feel confident these past years have prepared me well for what’s next.

In the season that came before this one, I was busy planting seeds, laying down roots in my garden filled with five unique flower varieties. Now it’s time to take a step back from the intensity of the planting to allow for growth; growth that I could not have pushed through the earth entirely on my own.

The sun will come from caring teachers and other mentors who will enter the lives of my children when I cannot, and where I should not. These beams of light will nurture the soil of their lives, warm their hearts, give them hope.

The rain will arrive, too, perhaps in the form of frustrated friendships, broken hearts, even grief. But they also are needed, these hard-earned lessons and suffering, in order for the sturdy formation of a child to be complete. And I will continue to be nearby, ready to turn toward the garden when needed, even hop over the fence at a moment’s notice if necessary. I will remain on hand for routine pruning and the pulling of weeds, especially those particularly hostile to tender, new growth.

I’ll also continue to talk to the blossoms of life in my garden as firmly but gently as possible, knowing how well growing things respond to such attention, even when appearing still and unresponsive.

As for me, I refuse to go into hiding or mourning. My presence as gardener remains vital. My focus will be on doing my best to use this time of pulling-back wisely, of knowing when to intercede as well as when to let go and let grow. In a few years, if I have done my job well, the beginning of the harvest will commence.

And if I’m as blessed then as now, if I’ve fertilized my soil to satisfaction (if not perfection), my garden will continue to flourish beyond my imagining, and new assortments of flowers will enter the fold.

But I’m not there yet. My garden is still young and green. My 5-year-old still requests bedtime stories and plenty of hugs. My 7-year-old still needs my daily, motherly touch. My 10-year-old requires time sitting in the sun with those who helped bring her into being. The other two, the teenagers, are just beginning to stretch out and discover what hues they’re to take on, what their unique scent is to be. They still need my guidance to help position themselves toward the place of replanting, in the field on the horizon beyond our garden gate.

To everything there is a season, Ecclesiastes proclaims. I sense the season upcoming will be one of deep satisfaction as I step back, wipe my brow, and take time to admire the oftentimes muddy but nearly always satisfying garden that comprises my life as a mother.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2: “ To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted.”

to DO or to BE…

that really is the question

story by | jodee bock

What’s really on the mind of your average mom? For many of them, I’m betting it’s whatever the next family activities are. When do moms—or really any busy people—have a chance to reflect?

Well, I’m going to let all of us off the hook. I truly believe that all of us—moms and dads, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles, employers and leaders—are doing the best we can with what we have and what we know. How can we possibly take different actions if we don’t know what those actions are? Reflecting allows us to evaluate our intentions, actions and results.

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

remember when

I’m of the firm belief that moms are using their experiences as daughters to parent their own children. In fact, we are all products of generations of thinking. So it should come as no big surprise to us when we hear ourselves using some of the same terms and ideas we heard coming from our parents’ mouths when we were kids.

what do you want to be when you grow up?

One of the phrases that probably made its way into our listening as kids was the question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” In fact, some of us may still be asking ourselves that question today! When you’re a kid, they don’t ask you what you want to DO to earn a living. They always ask you what you want to BE.

Take a minute right now to think about what you wanted to be when you grew up. A fireman? A ballerina? A teacher? As a kid, you just knew in your heart what it would be like to actually BE that. You raced around the house with your toy fire truck, wearing your fire helmet making siren noises. You danced around the living room as if you really were a ballerina. You set up classrooms for your dolls and bears and younger siblings and “taught” them everything you knew.

Yet when we grow up, we seem to be much more focused on the DOING of our lives than the BEING in them. Instead of asking what we want to BE, we start identifying with what we DO, and begin to be judged, categorized and standardized by the labeling process called “what we DO.”

We start understanding that the way to judge success—ours and others—is to decide first what we must HAVE enough of [usually it’s time or money] so that we can DO what we want so then we can finally BE happy.

intention & doing

There is a huge distinction between intending to do something and doing something with intention. None of us will ever find the time we need to do what we really think we want to do. The same is true for money. All the

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body + being

planning in the world won’t let us know exactly when the time is right and the money is “enough.”

So many of us believe—really believe—that we will become the person we know we are deep inside when 1] we meet the right person, 2] we make a million dollars, 3] the kids are in [insert one: grade school, junior high, high school, college, out of college], 4] we retire, etc., etc.

We wait to become what we already are. We believe that if we HAVE a certain something, we will then be able to DO what we really want to do and only then will we BE happy.

What if we’ve got it all backwards? What if we act as if we already ARE happy—right now? That will cause us to DO what we really want to do and we will realize that we really do HAVE everything we want and need. Sound too easy? Yeah, it probably is. We’ve spent our entire lives making everything very difficult. We’ve gotten in the way of our own lives, and our own happiness.

change

We’ve heard over and over again that we can change our lives by changing the way we think about our lives. That

probably sounds all fine and good and then the “yeah, buts” enter. “Yeah, but you don’t have three kids and two dogs and a full-time job and a demanding husband.” “Yeah, but I don’t have that kind of upbringing.” “Yeah, but you don’t know the trouble I’ve seen.”

You’re right. We all have our stories and drama. So go ahead and prove all that “stuff” wrong. After all, that’s what we’ve been doing our whole lives—searching for ways we can prove that what we’ve been doing is the “right” way. And we’re unhealthy, unhappy in our jobs, overworked, underpaid, bored, cynical and resigned. How is that working for us? What if we really can change

we’ve heard over and over again that we can change our lives by changing the way we think about our lives

our reality by the way we look at things? Instead of being so bent on being right, what if we turn instead to being happy NOW?

do it now

Take a moment right now to put yourself back in the shoes—or tutu or fire hat—of the 5-year-old you were. What did you want to be? What was possible for you in that moment? Go ahead, close your eyes and go there. I’ll wait.

whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, overstressed and frantic, just take five minutes to reconnect with your being

So, what really changed outside yourself when you allowed yourself to just BE that again? Probably nothing. But, provided you really played along and did take the five minutes to remember, your BEING shifted back to that carefree kid to whom absolutely anything was possible.

You are able to do that. You just did. We all can choose right now to BE happy, which will transfer into anything we DO which will reveal to us that we do HAVE everything we need or want. I’m not saying this is an easy process, especially if we’ve conditioned ourselves over the years that the opposite is true. But nearly everyone I’ve met is able to do it. Not nearly as many people are willing

Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, overstressed and frantic, just take five minutes to reconnect with your BEING. Post a picture of a fire truck on your bulletin board. Go pick up a tutu. Or go borrow some sidewalk chalk from your kids. Display the picture or chalk or tutu [heck, try that one on for real!] and allow that to remind you that the BEING is still there.

When you change the way you look at things, those things you look at really do change. But don’t take my word for it. BE it yourself and notice the outcome.

Angela Kolling

story by | patricia carlson

Angela Kolling has a tattoo. The red and white bracelet wraps around her left ankle and has the name ‘Morgan’ surrounded by hearts printed on each side. This tattoo has meaning. It’s not something Angela got on a whim; she didn’t pick it out from a sample book. Unlike a tattoo inked out of rebellion or a misbegotten night, Angela’s tattoo is a symbol of unwavering love and devotion. The bracelet is a permanent reminder that someone is missing from Angela’s life—her daughter.

september is pediatric cancer awareness month

Angela met Joe Kolling during college in Wahpeton. “She stalked me,” he says jokingly. In spite of drastically different personalities, they made a perfect match. Angela is feisty, stubborn and emotional. “I’m a woman, I like to cry, I yell,” she says. Admittedly, Joe is the opposite. “I tend to bottle things up and then unload,” he says. Neither of them could have known how their split personalities would help them cope with one of the worst experiences a parent could ever have. Because several years down the road, Angela and Joe would find themselves sitting in a hospital emergency room as their life turned upside down.

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

learn, live, hope

During college, Angela and Joe welcomed a son, Andrew. He was a surprise, but the new parents knew they wanted to give him a sibling one day. Almost three years later, the family welcomed a little girl named Morgan into their lives. Whereas Andrew quickly fell in line with Joe’s personality—amenable, yet private—Morgan was the spitting image of Angela—stubborn and spunky. “She told you exactly what she thought of you,” says Angela. “The more you told her she couldn’t do something, the more she would do it.”

Dizziness while running; Angela thought it couldn’t be that bad. Trouble swimming; that’s when Angela thought something was off with her daughter. “She had always been a strong swimmer, even from the age of six,” Angela says.

Two days later Morgan woke up in the night throwing up. What was most concerning was the fact that she didn’t remember any of it the next morning. As Angela asked her daughter about a play date at a friend’s house, she rubbed Morgan’s forehead. Morgan told her that hurt and Angela then noticed a bruise. Morgan explained a

46

Angela remembers the details of April 2008 like it was yesterday because the memories of that month will haunt her forever. “Morgan’s symptoms came on very abruptly,” Angela recalls, but says initially, nothing struck her as dangerous. Grumpiness; which her mother dismissed as typical end-of-school anxiety.

toy had hit her on the head at her friend’s house. Could she have a concussion?

Morgan wanted to go to school, Angela obliged, but she also made an appointment with Morgan’s pediatrician for later that day. They never made it. The school nurse called that afternoon to say Morgan was having trouble on the swing set. “They said she couldn’t keep her head up,” Angela remembers. “Well, by the time I picked her up, I knew the pediatrician’s office was not the place to go. We were headed straight to the emergency room.”

While she lay in the backseat and her mom sped to the hospital, Morgan couldn’t hold her head up and her eyes kept rolling. “I carried her in and we hardly made it in the door before they were wheeling her in for a CT scan,” Angela says. As someone who works in

Morgan would need that attitude more than ever as she faced the biggest battle of her life.

children are diagnosed with some type of cancer every school day

a diagnostic clinic and routinely sees patients undergo neurological exams, Angela prepared for the worst.

Meanwhile, as the Kolling’s dealt with this devastating news, folks in their hometown of Davenport began secretly finishing the family’s home. Neighbors installed windows, put down flooring and scrubbed every inch of the place to remove any dust that may harm Morgan in her delicate state. It was the first of many acts of kindness this close community of people would do to help the Kolling’s through this emotional time.

On April 24, 2008, Morgan had a craniotomy and the tumor was removed. “She did very well, compared to most kids,” Angela says. “Many can’t walk, talk or eat,

“I told Joe, ‘She has a brain tumor,’” Angela says. “And he goes, ‘You’re always so negative.’ And I go, ‘NO, I know. I’m her mother.’”

Angela, it turns out, was right. The doctors came in and said they believed Morgan had brain cancer. “I just remember it being a blur of confusing words and medical terminology,” she says. “We grabbed a notebook and started to write down everything they said.”

A day later, on the advice of local doctors, the Kolling’s left their home [which was in the middle of a major remodeling project] and took Morgan to a special pediatric neurologist in the Twin Cities. There, they learned their only daughter had a very aggressive form of brain cancer called medulloblastoma.

but she was able to do all those things. The doctors were amazed.”

Nobody—or nothing—was going to tell Morgan Kolling how to live her life. And so the battle for Morgan’s survival began; and so had Angela’s journey to try to save her little girl.

Unfortunately, Angela knew all too well the fight her daughter was facing. “Cancer runs high in my family, my mom died of cancer,” she explains. Her grandfather and his brother also died from the disease. “All I knew was that everyone that I knew who had cancer hadn’t survived. And I’ll never forget when she looked at me and said, ‘I don’t want to die.’ You just want to tell them that they’re going to make it.”

the cause of most childhood cancers are unknown and can’t be prevented

Angela plunged into helping Morgan through her course of treatment. Morgan had 3 different types of chemotherapy sessions plus 31 doses of radiation, 11 targeted at her brain, the rest at her spine. “Doctors told us that brain cancer will only spread to the spine and spinal fluids,” Angela explains. “They said it’s like a dandelion, you can blow the head off, but you never know where the seeds will land. So they had to treat her spine like the cancer was already there.”

The treatments were brutal on Morgan and just as terrifying for Angela to watch knowing there was nothing she could do but wait to see if the poison pulsing through her daughter would eliminate the cancer. “When she was doing the high dose chemo, we had to bathe her 4 to 6 times a day because the chemo on her skin would burn her,” Angela says.

But through all the drives to the hospital from Davenport and the sleepless nights lying by her daughter’s side, from holding Morgan’s hair back when she got sick to keeping her mind off the cancer by playing countless numbers of board games, Angela was there. No matter how exhausted or frightened she was, Angela tried to never let Morgan see it.

“Angie took it head on and made sure Morgan didn’t miss a single pill,” says Joe. “But on the other hand, she

made a point to get Morgan out shopping and doing girl things as much as possible. If Morgan wanted to do something, Angie made sure we did everything possible to get it done.”

over 2,500 children under the age of 20 lose their lives to cancer every year

Remarkably, through it all, Angela and Joe found a new strength in their relationship. Whereas some couples—especially ones with opposite personalities like Angela and Joe—drift apart during a family crisis, Morgan’s parents accepted the way each other was dealing with their daughter’s battle and allowed each other space to have good days and bad days. “I think I tried to be more optimistic at the beginning, but Angie had to pick me up just as many times as I had to pick her up,” Joe says. “Angie would tell me exactly what kind of day she was having and I would tend to bottle it and unload everything once a month or so. It wasn’t always rosy that way and we had to battle through

that difference in personality for a while. We figured it out though.”

Their son, Andrew, was also a big help. “I’m just so proud of Andrew,” explains Angela. He began learning household chores like laundry and cooking to help ease his parents’ burden. He kept his grades up. And perhaps most importantly says Angela, he didn’t let Morgan’s illness affect his relationship with his sister. “They fought constantly,” Angela says laughing. “They certainly had a love, but they were only 2 ½ years apart,” she explains. “They both liked to instigate. But it was so nice to see their personalities didn’t change just because Morgan was sick.”

Perhaps it was Morgan’s fearlessness toward cancer, her brother’s unwillingness to have the disease come between them, or her parents unwavering support for

Although the long days were tough, Morgan, now 7, loved being back in school. Her teachers in Kindred even brought in a cot for when she needed rest and kept a special blanket and pillow in a plastic bag off to the side so she wouldn’t be exposed to harmful germs while her immune system was depleted from chemotherapy. Angela says the way people reached out to her daughter still amazes her to this day. “Her school really pulled together,” she says, adding, “That’s what living in a small town is all about.”

During this time Morgan maintained a positive attitude that radiated to her entire family, including Angela. “Morgan was so upbeat that it was hard to think she would not beat this,” Angela says. “She was determined.”

However, Morgan’s bravery was no match for the beast inside her brain and in the middle of the flood of 2009

each other and their daughter, but by October, Morgan had successfully completed her treatment.

It takes most kids who undergo a similar course of treatment about 3 months to get back to school. She returned to classes in just eleven days.

Angela’s heart sank as familiar symptoms started to appear again. Grumpiness. Dizziness. Trouble walking. Morgan’s doctors told Angela her daughter was just depressed. It was a long journey and this was just another bump in the road to recovery. But as the next week went by, Angela saw Morgan’s condition deteriorate

even more. “By the time we brought her in, she couldn’t walk,” she says.

An MRI revealed that in just a matter of months, the cancer had returned to Morgan’s brain and had taken over her spine. Angela knew her daughter would not live through this and it broke her heart. “When you’re handed a healthy baby you never think you’ll be getting a diagnosis like that when they’re 6, 7, 8-years-old,” she admits. “It’s shattering. It’s terrible. It’s something that I wish no other parent had to feel.”

up to 75% of the children with cancer can be cured

But Angela wasn’t about to let Morgan go just yet. Her little girl had a lot of living left to do; starting with a trip to Florida sponsored by the Make-A-Wish Foundation of North Dakota. It was meant to celebrate the 1-year anniversary of Morgan’s cancer diagnosis. Instead, and unbeknownst to the Kolling’s at the time, it turned into an opportunity for Morgan to leave behind her legacy.

The family spent a whirlwind week at amusement parks across Orlando but on their last day, they decided to do something they had never done before—go to the beach. Even though Morgan couldn’t walk and was confined to a wheelchair, Angela wanted to make sure Morgan could still experience new things. “As her parents, we sort of knew where this was headed,” Angela says. “She had done all the treatments that were possible.”

Morgan documented her experiences that week by drawing. She would color pictures in the van, in the hotel room, on the beach, wherever she could. Angela couldn’t figure out why—so she asked. “Morgan told me, ‘I’m going to sell them and give the money to Make-A-Wish,’” Angela recalls. “I said, ‘Ok, if you’re going to donate the money, then I’ll make sure you get around town to sell them.’”

It didn’t take long. As Angela helped her daughter make good on her promise, word of Morgan’s drawings quickly spread throughout Davenport and everyone was buying Morgan’s pictures and supporting her cause. One day, Morgan’s teachers had a surprise. They had taken the pictures they bought and made a gift pack of cards

featuring Morgan’s artwork as a gift for Angela, but they also wanted to do more. “They called me up and said, ‘With your permission, we’d like to do this as a fundraiser.’ Of course I said yes,” Angela says. “So the teachers would order cards of Morgan’s artwork and on their time off, they would package them up and we would sell them or they would sell them.”

Lisa Davis, one of Angela’s good friends who helped sell and distribute Morgan’s cards, says seeing an average family’s life turned upside down by cancer spurred the town to rally behind the Kolling’s. “This could happen to any of us and when one of our own needed assistance, the community of Davenport was there,” Lisa says.

Morgan’s cards became such a hit that Make-A-Wish started to sell them on their website and people from across the country started buying her cards. Morgan’s cards raised $10,000 in just a couple of months. “The fact that such a small girl can touch so many lives has been an inspiration to us all,” says Emily Maresca with the Make-A-Wish Foundation of North Dakota. The cards are still available today and can be ordered through www.ndwish.org/morgan

Seeing Morgan’s passion for helping others beat cancer inspired Angela to begin another fundraising effort of her own—this time organizing a team for Relay for Life, a cancer awareness event. She named them ‘Pookie’s Patriots,’ after her daughter’s nickname. Angela says it was an emotional night because it fell over Morgan’s 8th birthday and she knew it would be Morgan’s last.

“I will never forget the sound of Morgan’s voice as she stated her name in the microphone during the survivor lap at the kick-off of the Relay that night,” says Lisa. “Then, during her little birthday celebration, she sang us some Taylor Swift and Dolly Parton and told a few jokes. She had us laughing and crying for quite some time.”

That night, Angela’s team raised roughly $16,000 for Relay for Life.

A week later, Morgan passed away. Although the family knew it was coming, they took solace in knowing that Morgan fought until the end. “The biggest thing I noticed was that while cancer may have taken her life, cancer never beat Morgan,” says Joe.

And in spite of her unfathomable grief, Angela became more determined than ever to help fulfill Morgan’s final wish of helping families fight cancer. Her friends say they admire Angela’s tenacity to not let another parent go through what she did. “As a woman who lost her own mother to cancer and now a daughter, Angela is fighting back,” says good friend Lisa. “She is reaching out to make people aware of the disease that is all too common in our society.”

In the fourteen months since Morgan passed away, Angela has thrust herself into more fundraising opportunities. “Now that Morgan has passed, I think Angela’s priority is to give back to all the people and organizations that helped them when Morgan was sick,” says Kayla Foltz, wish granter with the Make-A-Wish Foundation of North Dakota. “She says learning more about pediatric cancers really motivated her to want to raise awareness about the diseases.”

Angela, her family and friends, Morgan’s teachers and many others from Davenport continue to sell Morgan’s

cards. Thousands of prints later, more than $21,000 has been donated to Make-A-Wish on Morgan’s behalf. Angela also participates in Make-A-Wish galas as a featured speaker and takes part in walking events. She also resurrected Pookie’s Patriots this year with a mission to come back stronger than ever. Besides walking in the Relay for Life, Angela and her teammates decided to make and sell a cookbook. “I remember thinking, ‘How hard can it be, it’s a cookbook, right?’,” Angela says laughing. “Can you tell I’ve never done one before?” Although it was completed two months behind schedule, the 300+ page cookbook [with Morgan’s cards as the dividers] was a huge success. The cookbooks along with Joe’s 1st Annual Running for the Ribbons 5K in Kindred, a soup and sandwich feed, spaghetti feed and various other fundraisers, allowed Pookie’s Patriots to raise more than $26,000 this year. All of it goes to the American Cancer Society Relay for Life.

“Angela has undergone a situation in her life that most of us couldn’t even imagine,” says Lisa. “She has taken the

loss of her daughter and used it as a life lesson to live, laugh and love—a motto she and Morgan cherished.”

Indeed, it is Angela’s determination to push through her pain that has helped her grieve her daughter’s loss and, in the process, help keep her family together. “Do I want to stay home and cry?,” she asks. “Yes, sure, but it’s not going to change anything. When you have a husband and son who still mean the world to you, why would you want to lose two more people because you’ve lost someone you care about? You don’t know how strong you are until strong is your only option,” shares Angela.

If there is one thing Angela has learned from Morgan’s experience, Joe says it’s that life is too short to wait to enjoy it or to not follow your dreams. This Fall Angela will be following one of her dreams when she goes back to college to pursue a degree in nursing.

“I have always thought about nursing, but never knew if I would be good at it,” Angela says. “I still don’t know that, but I know that the nurses we dealt with daily were a rock for me. I think having been through this

journey I can be that rock for somebody else and take care of patients very well. I know that I will be a great nurse ONE day.”

With the support of the two men in her life, Angela is ready to embrace each new day. “I do want to say that our family is stronger than it’s ever been. I’ve found a new love for my husband,” Angela says. “I know I can lean on him for anything.” Losing Morgan has changed the way Angela says she raises Andrew. “I know now that tomorrow isn’t promised. If Andrew wants to do something, we try to do it [within reason],” she says. “I want Andrew to grow up with good memories and I refuse to put him in a bubble.”

Angela says she carries memories of her daughter with her everywhere she goes. You can see it on that tattoo around her ankle. It’s a reminder to live life the way Morgan wanted to live hers. “I know Morgan would want us out trying to help others and still being happy, instead of feeling sorry for ourselves,” Angela says. “You just have to believe that one day you’ll all be together.”

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

grow ready, set safety first

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

From the moment we find out we are expecting a little bundle a joy our priority is to keep him healthy, happy & safe. As our kiddos grow new safety issues enter our world. So, here’s the OTMOM safety dance…

wee ones [0–18 months]

Before you know it your wee one will be on the go. First he’s right beside you and the next minute he’s in the dog dish. His world is about exploring and learning. Make sure his world is safe for the next adventure.

what about…

So you’ve plugged all the electric outlets, the baby gates are up and the kitchen drawers all have their safety latches…good work mom! But make sure you

Take Back the Night

didn’t forget these important points when you’re getting your home wee one safe:

• too hot Make sure your water heater is set to 120 degrees Fahrenheit. A child exposed to 140 degree water for only three seconds will suffer third degree burns. If you live in building where you don’t control the water heater, consider getting an anti-scalding device like HotStop [www. h2otstop.com]. These shower heads and water spouts, available at Menards, automatically shut off if the water is above 120 degrees.

• too sharp Your dishwasher is a perfect place for your wee one to get hurt exploring sharp knives and forks and, gee…doesn’t that detergent look yummy?! Watch out for an inquisitive wee one underfoot when you load and unload the dishwasher. Make sure all sharp points are pointing down and don’t add detergent until right before you are ready to start the dishwasher.

• too much stuff Watch your purse and anyone else’s that enter your wee one’s adventure land. Coins, pen covers, medications, or hard candy are all very intriguing, but also very hazardous. So make sure all purses are out of reach.

• too wet When water safety comes up, we automatically think of the pool or lake, but you also need to consider other water sources such as the bath, toilet or bucket of water for cleaning. Never be more than an arm’s length away from your wee one in the tub. Never leave a bucket of water unattended and consider a lock for the toilet lid. A curious wee one can fall in head first and then not be able to get out. see www.raccfm.com or call 701-293-7273 for more information

very young children can drown in one to two inches of water

tots [18 months–3 years]

accidental injuries, including choking and drowning, are the leading cause of death in children and send over 16 million kiddos to the emergency room each year

Your tot is eating grown up food and his number one way to investigate something new is to take a quick taste. It’s important you do your best to eliminate the opportunity for him to choke on something.

be prepared

A choking child is very scary. So, make sure you are CPR certified and know the Heimlich Maneuver. Educate yourself so you can react correctly and quickly when your tot needs you. Now, once you know what to do if your tot is choking, do your best to prevent ever having to use those skills:

• watch what you eat Food is a common cause of choking. Things that are hard and smooth such as raw vegetables or hard candies need to be chewed with a grinding motion and that typically isn’t mastered until the age of four. Soft foods such as grapes can also be choked on easily. Here’s a couple pointers to keep chow time safer: cut it Cut food into pieces especially soft foods like hot dogs, cheese cubes or grapes. Be aware of the choking hazard foods such as popcorn, cherries with pits, sunflower seeds, gum and all nuts pose and keep them away from your tot. watch it Keep an eye on your tot when he is eating. Make sure he is sitting and not playing, running, talking or just plain messing around when he is eating. Also, do NOT eat in the car. You don’t want to risk your child choking and you needing to worry about pulling over safely before you can help him.

• other lurking hazards The average home can be a minefield of choking hazards for your tot. Obviously you need to do your best to keep small objects out of your tot’s reach, but here are a few items to pay particular attention to: balloons Don’t let your tot blow-up or chew on a balloon. They can break or he can inhale them.

· coins Did you know that pennies made after 1983 contain highly corrosive zinc, which can create a hole in the stomach wall and allow intestinal bacteria to enter the stomach. See the doc if one of those buggers is eaten.

· crayons, jewelry, bottle caps…oh my It is impossible to completely baby proof your home, but you can take care of the obvious and use your judgment when buying new toys or leaving items within your tot’s reach.

Everyone has seen the TV story of the brave little boy that calmly called 911 for help when it was warranted. Well, someone had to teach him to do it. Our preschoolers are at the perfect age to teach this emergency response how to.

9-1-1 101

One of our biggest responsibilities is teaching our children how to react correctly to certain situations. Teaching them how and when to call 911 is a simple

and critical lesson. Start with these three steps:

• who, what & where Now is time to teach your preschool his basic personal information so he can answer the following questions, which are important if he is ever separated from you or if he is making a call to 911:

∙ what is your full name? where do you live?

∙ what is your mommy’s/daddy’s name? what is your phone number?

• emergency or not Explaining to your preschooler what is and isn’t an emergency can start with examples such as “What do you do if there is a fire in our house?” or “What should you do if mommy gets hurt?” You can also talk about emergency response people and what they do to help people that are in trouble. Make sure you also discuss situations when you do not call 911.

• dialing how to In the day of cell phones and land lines, it’s important to teach your preschooler exactly how to dial 911 on each. Don’t forget the send or talk button. Go over exactly how you call 911 and have him practice [with the phone unplugged of course].

There are lots of websites and books you can purchase to help teach your preschooler about calling 911. Also check out our local libraries. They will have books and music you can bring home so the learning is so fun your preschooler won’t even know it’s happening!

some

it is estimated that as much as 75% of the calls made to 911 are not emergency calls

big kids [6–9

With100% certainty I think every parent gets a pit in their stomach with just the thought of their child being taken by a stranger. It is important to talk to your big kid about strangers in terms they can understand.

stranger stranger

Talking to your big kid about strangers should be done first, to prevent an abduction and secondly, to lessen the anxiety of an abduction for you and your kiddo alike. Here are some points to discuss with your big kid to make sure they stay safe:

• who’s a stranger It’s important to tell your big kid that there is no way to know how someone is inside based on how they look on the outside. A stranger is simply someone he doesn’t know and he is never to go ANYWHERE with a stranger.

• main responsibility We all want polite kiddos, but when a stranger is involved, teach your child that his main responsibility is his own safety and not doing what a stranger asks is not being rude. Give your child permission to ignore a stranger or deny their requests. Teach your big kid to always stay an arm’s length away and to never take anything from a stranger, even their own things.

• not your job While some abductions involve a child being snatched up, many times bribery, flattery, treats or requests for help will be used to get a child to go willing with a stranger. Make it clear that even if a stranger is being “nice” they are still a stranger and if an adult needs help, they need to ask another adult not a kid.

• teach, teach & teach Don’t let your conversation about strangers occur once and never talk

about it again. Teach your child about being safe whenever the chance arises.

Teach your big kid to trust their instincts. If someone is scaring them or a situation doesn’t feel safe, back away, stand up, run or scream. As horrible as it is to think of someone taking your child, I guarantee you will feel better knowing you have talked about strangers. It isn’t something that just happens somewhere else.

years]

every 40 seconds in the US, a child becomes missing or is abducted

Tweener really says it all —no longer your baby, but not yet an adult. He’s craving independence, but you’re looking for things to slow down, just a little. Maybe he is ready to be king of the castle…if only for a few hours.

home alone

It is inevitable that something will come up like a business meeting or quick errand where you will consider leaving your tweener home alone, but what

years]

Auction

is the right age? When is it OK to let him stay by himself? While there isn’t a for sure OK age, we know you can’t leave a 5-year-old alone, but a 16-year-old can probably fend for themselves. For the ages in between, here are some guidelines to help you decide if your tweener is mature enough to go it alone:

• what’s the kid think? How does your tweener feel about staying home alone? Is he excited or scared? Before you leave him alone, he needs to be ready for the challenge. It is safe to say that under the age of 10 is probably too young to be left alone. You need to be confident your child can respond to an unexpected emergency.

• does he know the rules? Your tweener needs to know that even though mom is gone, he is still expected to follow the rules. A trip to the grocery store doesn’t mean unlimited video games and soda for him.

• what if? How will he react to an emergency? Will he make the right decision? Go over emergency scenarios to help your tweener know the right steps to follow to make a safe decision. Regardless of your tweener’s maturity level and the fact you know he will be OK alone, leaving that first time can be hard. To help ease your anxiety, determine a time you will talk to your tweener to check in on him, go over the rules for being home alone as well as your emergency plan. If you just aren’t comfortable leaving your tweener alone, consider having a teen or family friend come over to “keep him company.” Don’t call this individual a babysitter, cause lord knows your tweener is no baby!

the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends adult supervision for children until about the age of 11 or 12

teens [13–18 years]

a survey of 500 top colleges found that 10% of admissions officers acknowledged looking at social-networking sites to evaluate applicants. Of those making use of the online info, 38% said that what they saw "negatively affected" their views of the applicant

The bedroom door is closed more. Getting more information from your teen about his day other than a “Fine,” “Nothing” or “OK” is like pulling teeth. You want to respect his privacy, but being in his business, to make sure he is safe, is still your job.

friend or foe

Facebook is an interesting beast. It states it right on the login page, “Facebook helps you connect and share with the people in your life.” The beast part is the sharing aspect and that is where you need to come in. Here are some tips to make sure everything stays friendly on the internet:

• get an account If you don’t already, get on Facebook. You need to know how Facebook works so you are able to teach your teen the right way to do things.

• pw savvy Make sure your teen understands the importance of having a unique password that incorporates more than a simple word.

• befriend the kid The best way to watch what’s happening is to become your teen’s friend. Also consider having your teen use your email address on his account so you receive his notifications.

• talk privacy Facebook has changed its privacy settings numerous times this past year, so keep up on these changes. Make sure your teen knows how to block someone and how to secure his photo albums and wall posts.

• button it Sure it’s a sharing site, but you don’t have to share everything! Make sure your teen understands the importance of not sharing his entire date of birth and he doesn’t need to tell everyone what he is doing at every waking moment.

• real friends From time to time ask your friends to checkout your teens account. If they aren’t “Friends” with your teen they shouldn’t be able to

view their information if their privacy settings are set correctly. Do the same for your friends and let them know if you see something wrong on their kiddo’s account.

Facebook is great, but your teen is likely to post something he shouldn’t, say too much and forget to change his setting the next time new privacy settings roll out. Just be the quite eye in the sky watching frequently and, when needed, reign with an iron hand! It’s for his own good.

Who is Sally?

She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.

mom friends:

who’s your all-star lineup?

story by | dani parkos fluge

There’s a saying…friends are the family we get to pick. Ask any girl and she’ll agree and then tell you zillions of stories about her various friends. The best part about friends is that each one comes with a unique personality, but still has something you can associate with. Let’s be honest, without the companionship of our friends there would be a lot more mental health days in Momville. So in honor of August being Friendship month, here are the types of mom friends you might want to consider in your momtourage.

911- ICE

Solid and reliable with her cell phone always stuck to her hip, the ICE friend will be your life saver. Whether it's a mental meltdown, a babysitter bailout, clothing crisis that requires her to take the lead on a last minute shopping spree, she is there for you and your fam. Lock her in as an emergency contact and you have nothing to worry about. Hear her siren ring!

go-to-girl

The mad investigator who reads all the latest studies on child development, the most highly recommended pottyseat, can rattle off a list of foods highest in antioxidants, and is up to speed of the best skincare products. Never mind her uncanny ability to make a fabulous derby ball custom out of an oversized shirt adorned with a hardware store chain. Without question a mini-Martha.

fashionesta

The one you secretly hate [not really] cuz she oozies with cuteness, but she also inspires you to find and drag out

that woman behind the mom. She brings to light that even though you’re a busy working mom it’s not an excuse to be a frump. Despite her work and family obligations she’s always put together. The queen of handbags and the first to model a pair of jeggings [what the?…yes leggings that look like jeans]. You swear she has a seasonal pass to the pedi and mani bar cuz she never has a jagged nail or chipped polish. She is a hot mama!

frenemy

Admit it, it's true. Even superheroes need a rival to keep them on their toes. So do moms. Chances are your frenemy is always one step ahead of you. Her house is bigger and cleaner, her kids are smarter and dressed to the nines and her skin has had more chemical peels than an orange. But that's okay, because your frenemy forces you to focus on what's really important in your life and make it better. Maybe you've lost the skin elasticity battle, but you’re winning the hair highlighting game. Don’t keep score.

lol frnd

The crazy character who’s a hoot and a half and at any given minute can bring you to tears and dang near cause you to pee your pants from laughter. Her hilarious stories of a school project disaster, leaky breast episode or baby barf worn as an accessory, make her a one-of-a-kind. Sometimes, momhood is not that funny, but an LOL friend always seems to make you giggle. The 308 LOL text messages you share monthly prove it. Thank you “unlimited” texting option.

party pal

Always makes you feel as if you are the guest of honor. When you’re determined to throw yourself a pity-party, she’s there ordering you to ditch the big bag of M&M’s and fat pants, for a night of people watching and

embarrassing karaoke. She has a real knack to revive your spirit and reminds you that there is life outside the laundry room. Rock On!

gossip girl

She’s the one who’ll fill you in on all the important or not so important gossip. From pointless celebrity news, to who’s dating who, to which couple is separating, to the latest “bun-in-the-oven” update, she’s a regular Entertainment Tonight reporter. More times than not she is usually the mom of an active daughter, who knows everything going on at school. From homework to weekend parties, the ear-to-the-ground friend is a go-to resource. For those of you moms who live outside the circle of information [and by that, I mean the boy moms], any source for what is happening is always welcomed. The Personal Private Eye.

boy buddy

Your brother, your cubicle-mate, or forever college friend, he tells you what life is like on the other side of the gender divide. It’s a generalization, of course, but on the whole, guys make it easier to pick up the friendship where you left off, and simply hang out without rehashing the drama of the past. Oh, and he can help you unravel the mysteries of your significant other’s odd behavior or quirky habits and annoyances? Dude is like a lady.

soul sista

Kind of a mix between a sister and a soul-mate. She understands your state of mind without needing to spell out the obvious. She’s the one you can share your deepest thoughts and secrets without the fear of them ending up on Facebook. She never judges you when you confess you had cereal and wine for dinner or that your Tupperware closet is trying to kill you. She’s the one you talk endlessly with about how you're both going to lose those pregnancy pounds [6 years later] and she totally get’s your weakness for Dirty Dancing, Hope Floats, Top Gun, repeats of Golden Girls, and how the occasional Rock of Love episodes are essential to your well-being. The TRUE forever friend!

We all might be lucky enough to have a connection or special bond with one or more types of these friends but the real reward is not making friends, but rather keeping them. Friendship is a two way street. Take a minute to give thought to your all-star, mom-friend line up, then make an effort [soon] to share with them the friendship role they play for you and how much you value their friendship. For me, each of these friends are precious and rare….and you know who you are.

photo: rialee photography | ria czichotzki