Dec 2010/Jan 2011 On the Minds of Moms

Jason Balvitsch is a father, an athlete, an outdoor enthusiast. And a PA of Orthopedics dedicated to your care.

Sports Medicine General Orthopedic Care

Don’t let injuries, joint pain, muscle pain or arthritis slow you down. Visit Jason Balvitsch, one of our physician assistants at Essentia Health’s Orthopedic & Sports Medicine Department. Jason is one of many experts committed to giving your family the care they deserve. Staying on top of the latest techniques in reducing orthopedic pain, our team of specialists will develop the best approach to fit your individual needs –it’s what we do.

3000 32nd Ave. South - Fargo

Appointments (701) 364-8900

innovishealth.com

WALK-IN HOURS

8:30-11:30 a.m. and 1:30-4:30 p.m. M-F

Appointments (701) 364-HURT

Find us on

Fracture Care

Jason Balvitsch, PA-C Orthopedics

the mom message

Welcome the Holidays! On one hand, there is the commercialization of Christmas [page 22]. TV and catalog ads vying for our kids’ attention as evidence of their tiny voices repetitiously ringing, “I want, I want, I want.” The never ending ‘to do’ list that seems to consume and define us all [page 80]. And we can’t forget the ever abundance of food and drink constantly tempting us and with every dip and pour we fear getting back in the workout zone [page 28].

And then there are the meaningful moments we try to squeeze in between the shopping, mailing, cooking, cleaning and the angst over whether or not we will still fit into our LBD for those holiday parties [page 54]. It’s frustrating [joyous], crazy busy [reflective], and exhausting [renewing] time crammed into one short [endless] month. Our challenge to you this season is to try and tap into the joyous/renewing/reflective part without being overtaken by the frustration/ business/exhaustion that inevitably comes with the time. Celebrate the peace, generosity, good health, and stillness of the season. May you find it wherever you can.

Cheers!

dani and sheri

Feeling overprotective?

When it comes to protecting your kids, you can’t be too careful. Life Insurance is more than a policy; it’s a gift of protection for your children’s future. Call me about making their ride a little less bumpy.

on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

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EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT

On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved.

melissa fluge

fargo

| nd

Somewhere between chasing around her 14-month-old son, Grant, the dog, and being a project consultant; Melissa makes time to treat herself to fashion magazines and shopping trips, whether it is checking out the new style trends for herself, her son or her husband, Scott of 2 years. Melissa also enjoys running 5k’s with her only sister, Erica, baking anything sweet and delicious and most importantly always making time to be with family.

elizabeth nawrot

fargo | nd

A Professor of Psychology at MSUM, Lisa has a Ph.D from Cal Berkeley and has been conducting research and teaching courses in child psychology and lifespan development for more than 15 years. However, her real expertise in developmental science is through her kids Andrew [14] and Zoe [10] with her husband of 16 years, Mark.

laura sokolofsky

fargo | nd

Mom to Jack [8] and Ellie [5], Laura knows no other word to describe family life other than "busy". Along with the mom title comes’ elementary teacher, school counselor, PTA member, softball and T-ball coach, Love and Logic educator, wife, housekeeper and now minivan activities chauffeur. When a little “me-time” can be squeezed in, you may find Laura playing softball, attending Redhawks games, golfing, pool lounging or simply spending time out with friends.

patricia carlson

dilworth

| mn

An award-winning freelance writer and reporter who specializes in parenting, lifestyle, health, and design writing, you can view her portfolio at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance.com. She and her husband, SuperFutureDad, are proudly expecting the arrival of their first child who will undoubtedly provide an endless supply of entertaining stories of which to write. In the meantime, you can watch her bump grow on Valley News Live where she reports under the name Tricia O'Connor!

laura lempe

fargo | nd

Director of Elim Children's Center in Fargo, Laura is a graduate of MSUM's education program, an active member of Area Preschool Advocates, the Red River Chapter of ND Association for the Education of Young Children, and Pre-K Works. When she isn’t working to obtain the National Director’s credentials, Laura enjoys spending time with her husband, friends, family, and being a proud aunt to seven nephews and one niece.

glenda haugen

fargo | nd

The owner of My Best Friend's Closet, Glenda has worked and raised a family for the last 31 years in the FM area. She was active in non-profit administration and marketing for an electrical wholesaler before purchasing the consignment store with her daughter, Meredith. Growing and evolving the store into an enjoyable destination for customers who want quality, variety and value for their money has kept her happy and busy for 7 years. She and her husband, Don, enjoy spending time with their four grandchildren.

An only child born in Fort Knox, Kentucky, Rosie Bossany was raised in a military family and spent the first six years of her young life, living in Cincinnati, Panama and Germany before settling down in Fargo. Currently working as an LPN at Prairie St. Johns and going to school for her RN degree, Rosie has always had a gentle heart and kind soul to care for those in need. She loves spending time at the lake and singing; there are few songs on the radio that she doesn’t sing along to. Rosie and Steve, husband of 10 years, and son, Doyle [10], make their home in Moorhead where the family of three spend nearly all their time together following their motto in life, just have fun.

photos: rialee photography | casie beldo

mod mom

rosie bossany

my specialty mom meal…

age 29, moorhead, mn

breakfast for dinner is my favorite. I don’t always have the time to make breakfast in the morning, so pancakes and eggs or breakfast burritos at night are a special treat.

one word that best describes me… easy going [well two words]. I try not to get stressed about things, it won’t help. I can be happy doing pretty much anything.

something i do for myself… sometimes after shopping I go for an aqua massage. It is like snuggling up in a blankie, so relaxing and I love that you don’t have to make an appointment.

I have never re-gifted.

I once re-gifted…

ways i bond with my son… we have Doyle Days, which is a day he gets to pick what we all do and eat. We set aside an afternoon or evening to play board games, video games or the activity of his choice.

my must have hair product…

Wen Conditioning Cleanser. I received it for a gift and the infomercials are right. Bleaching and straightening does so much damage to my hair, Wen has made it healthy again.

growing up i always wanted to…

be Whitney Houston. When the song “I’m Your Baby Tonight” came out I secretly cut my hair short and flushed it down the toilet. Of course my mom noticed that there was 6 inches of hair missing and was less than pleased.

I can do without…

mounted animals, they scare me. You will never see me in the hunting section of a store and I send in a lookout before going into gas stations by lakes. if i could meet anyone past or present it would be…

Axl Rose. I think it would be cool to meet the man I wanted to marry for so many years.

something unique about me…

I make my own laundry detergent. I found a recipe

over a year ago and have been doing it ever since. It is super cheap to make, works great even on stained clothing and is wonderful for sensitive skin.

a movie i can watch over and over again… Can’t pick just one…The Departed, Turner and Hooch, Officer and a Gentleman, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Office Space, Pursuit of Happiness, My Fair Lady and of course, The Notebook. a family tradition of ours… grilling on Christmas Day.

my one beauty tip…

I wash my face every night; I know how much I touch my face all day even though I shouldn’t.

something i admire but would never do… living a lifestyle that uses minimal technology and live off the land. Waking up early and working as a family on a farm would be so rewarding. I don’t think I could go long without being able to Google random things throughout the day. my ideal day would be spent…

at a lake with family and friends. Swimming, fishing, boat rides, grilling, going for walks and sitting by a fire at the end of the night.

I am addicted to…

Fresh Fruit Salsa and Baked Cinnamon Pita Chips from the OTMOM Aug/Sep issue…it is so good.

child care: finding the right fit

story by | laura lempe

It’s difficult to tell who is most stressed the first day you’re taking your child to a new child care center: you or your child. Questions bounce around in your head, “Will they provide really good care?” “Will they take time to learn about my child?” “Was this center the best choice?”

Choosing a child care facility is a big decision for parents, and may be the biggest they make in their young child’s life. The search can seem impossible with all of the different and excellent choices in the Fargo/Moorhead/West Fargo area, but it does not need to be overwhelming.

To begin the process, ask family, friends and co-workers for referrals. Keep in mind, a quality child care center will go above and beyond basic licensing requirements to meet the social, emotional and early learning needs of your child. The following tips will help guide you to a center that will be the right fit for your family: the initial phone call

Begin by asking about openings for your child. Then try the following questions.

• Can you tell me about your program?

• What makes it different or special from the other centers in the area?

• What makes the teachers/caregivers qualified to care for my child?

• How many teachers/caregivers will my child spend time with throughout the day?

• What is the daily/weekly/monthly rate for my child? Are you planning a rate increase in the near future? What does the rate include? Are there different fees charged throughout the year?

Gauge how you feel about the answers you’ve been given. If you feel good about what you’ve heard, ask to set up a tour. Also ask if there would be time on the tour to meet and talk with your child’s potential teacher. the tour

A top-notch director will take the time to show you around the entire child care center and encourage questions throughout the tour. As you take the tour, keep the following in mind.

• Are the spaces designed with children in mind? Tables and chairs, shelves, sinks and toys should be age appropriate and child-sized.

• Is there space for outdoor play? This space should have a variety of surfaces [grass, cement, wood chips, etc] and be large enough for the children to run, play and explore.

• Do classrooms have a variety of play areas? Take time to walk around the classroom. There should be soft spaces for relaxation, space for active play and different areas for learning to take place.

• Is there hands-on learning? You should see children actively learning by doing and engaging in play and exploration. For example in a quality classroom, children should be able to create in the art area, build with different types of blocks, and explore nature in the science area.

• Teacher-child interaction. You should see teachers/ caregivers getting down to the child’s level to talk to and encourage the children in play.

personal visit with teacher/caregiver

Meeting the teacher/caregiver is essential as they will be spending time with your child. Take time to ask questions:

• Tell me about the classroom management in your classroom. You may want to give different scenarios and ask what he/she would do in that situation.

• Tell me how you decide what the children will learn about or explore in your room.

• Is there anything else you would like me to know about your classroom or center? after the tour

Ask yourself this key question: Will my child be safe, happy and have fun learning? If your answer “yes,” you’ve found the right fit.

Nothing is more important than your child. Every child is unique and deserves the best possible care, so taking time to research and tour will help you find a comfortable, safe place for your child to be cared for, play and learn successfully and happily.

Elim Children's Center offers a Christian learning environment for ages two years to pre-kindergarten. The well-rounded preschool curriculum integrates important life skills into daily life and encourages respect and compassion for others. Call for a tour.

3534 University Drive S., Fargo, www.elimcare.org 701.271.1810

hunt of the the thrill

story by | glenda haugen

It’s a given…women love to shop! They also like a bargain! And if that bargain shopping is good for the environment…bonus! Consignment allows an owner to sell items, the store keeps a percentage of the sale and shoppers can find current fashions at a discounted price. In recent years the popularity of consignment shopping has soared. Whether it is the need to make some money, save some money or the fun of finding deals, consignment shopping is a win-win situation… if you know what you’re doing!

tips of the trade

About 6,330,000 tons of clothing and footwear are thrown away every year in the US. That’s a lot of landfill space! And think of how many pieces of clothing you currently have in your closet that you have worn only a handful of times. Selling and buying items through upscale consignment stores offers a great opportunity to make some extra cash, save some landfill space and get some new duds. Here are some tips to get the best of buying and selling:

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

tips to get sweet deals on your back

• find the store Find the consignment store that carries the styles and brands you like to wear.

• find the time Remember you are the hunter and that great sweater, jacket or pair of jeans is the prey. To find that perfect item, you need to give yourself plenty of time to stalk and pounce! Your new wardrobe won’t know what hit it!

• find great items The look of amazement you can get by telling someone you bought a hot looking item secondhand can be a real badge of honor. Pay careful attention to items you are interested in by looking for tears, stains or missing buttons.

• find the deals Because consignment stores typically display items based on the season and follow a

series of dated markdowns, shopping toward the end of the season can produce great bargain finds. tips to get cash in your pocket

• know the store Evaluate the consignment store before selling your items. How are items displayed? How does the store look? How does their staff work with customers? What is the store’s reputation? Do they carry similar items and brands you are looking to consign? Not all consignment stores are created equally, so do your homework.

• know the details Make sure you understand the terms of your consignment. Consigners can receive from 25% to 50% of the items selling price. Items will usually follow a series of markdowns. At My Best Friend’s Closet in Moorhead, consigners receive 50% of what their items sells for and items go through a series of three markdowns [After 40 days the item is marked down 20%, after 60 days 50% and after 90 days 70%]. You will also want to know the details of what happens to your items if

consignment shopping is a win-win situation…if you know what you’re doing!

they do not sell. At My Best Friend’s closet items that haven’t sold within four months are donated to area organizations that benefit women. Know the details and keep the information regarding your consigned items in a safe place while they are being displayed.

• know your items Consignment stores will usually display clothing items based on the current season, so you will want to bring in items that are currently being bought. Give your items the best chance to make a great first impression by making sure they are clean and wrinkle free. This could be the difference between an item being selected or rejected.

Consignment shopping and selling is an easy and painless way to make some extra cash, recreate a look seen in a fashion magazine while paying far less than retail or to do both! The next time you need a wardrobe makeover, visit your local consignment store.

My Best Friend’s Closet was established seven years ago by Glenda Haugen and carries upscale clothing and accessories. At any one time,

Come Play at Our Place

there is an average of 12,000 items in the store and rarely are there duplicates. Clothing [sizes 0-2X and petites] is chosen by staff based on brand, current style and condition. Consigned items are given every chance to sell in the store as well as on their E-bay store.

My Best Friend’s Closet offers a great shopping experience. In addition to the store, they also show new inventory on their Facebook page allowing shoppers to call in and put items on hold. Their Personal Shopper Service allows you to set an appointment and have items already pulled for you based on the type, color and size of clothing you are looking for. They also offer coupons in On The Minds Of Moms magazine and on their website! Store hours are Mon-Thurs 10am-6:30pm, Fri 10am-5pm and Sat 10am-3pm.

11 9th St S, Moorhead [just 1 block north & 1 block east of the Moorhead Dairy Queen] www.mybestfriendscloset.biz 218.236.6937

for the holidays hope

story by | kathleen wrigley

Here’s an epiphany: Christmas is commercialized. And, it seems to come earlier every year. You learn that “Santa Clause is Coming to Town” when you’re picking up those finishing touches for Halloween costumes, while listening [and humming along] to “Jingle Bells” over the loud-speaker in retail stores. Before we know it we’ll be able to shop for back-to-school supplies and garland during the same shopping trip.

Pass the TUMS, please.

As adults, we’re already in a rush, without the help of the marketing world pushing the next event or holiday or season on us. And, yes it’d be nice for us to

sit back and enjoy each moment. Revel in the ghouls and goblins of Halloween. Look forward to the bounty and togetherness of Thanksgiving. And, prepare for the joys and celebration of Christmas, closer to the actual holiday season. Is it possible to step out of our fast-forward, frantic lives long enough to remember the glory of Christmas?

Every year, without fail, we are asked from the pulpit, from TV news and newspaper reporters, from teachers, from ordinary people, and from…ahh hem…magazine columnists, “What is the true meaning of Christmas?” For as many outdoor lights that line the store shelves in October, there are at least that many outlets taking a stab at answering this question.

Perhaps grown-ups are afraid that the meaning of Christmas is in danger of being disguised by all the hubbub and commercial promotion of the season. Still, the question is a perennial one and it should be. Let’s urge these conversations forward and ask and re-ask the central question: How does [or how should] the meaning of Christmas impact our daily lives?

Without having to search very hard, the answer lies right under our noses. Sure, children love toys and presents, but they also get the essence of Christmas. And, what a gift it is to see what they see!

Children sense the magic and promise of Christmas. Kids are full of hope and wonderment. There is little doubt in my mind that there really are visions of sugar plums dancing in their dreams. The excitement pulsing through their tiny veins is as innocent and pure and hopeful as the birth of our Savior, Jesus.

I asked some local kindergarten, second and fourth grade students to tell me what Christmas means to them. One hundred percent of them mentioned Jesus’ birthday.

Amen. I could end there…but there’s more.

I recently read a child’s letter to Santa. She wrote: “Dear Santa, do you know that Jesus is the real reason for Christmas? Not to be mean, but he is.”

The students were asked to describe presents they could give without going to any store. Spending time with family, baking cookies and sharing them, singing carols, going to church, praying together, giving hugs and kisses, sipping hot cocoa, being kind and helping those who need help, filling the dome with food for the hungry, and giving their clothes away to kids who need clothes were all ways they could celebrate Christmas without shopping.

Blessed be the children.

And, while children have unbelievably open hearts and welcome the spiritual meaning of Christmas day, they bask in the celebration and traditions [and yes, even the commercialization] leading up to the big day.

I think we can all agree that some of that is ok. All the glitter adds to the splendor of the season. Our children see through it and they’re able to embrace it all. On a recent trip to a local retail store, I watched with a smile as my 2-year-old caught a glimpse of the Christmas

trees, blinking and shining. The expression on her face certainly made those trees more bright and merry.

It’s fun that these little buggers want to go on a “family vacation—just once—to the North Pole.” Or, that their wish is to meet an elf to see if they’re “really that small.” There’s joy in the traditions of writing wish-list letters to Santa and leaving treats for him and his furry, flying friends. And, frankly, I’m not willing to give up the leverage those “naughty and nice” lists give me in the months leading up to the big day.

With all of the hoopla comes hope. Watch a child and you’ll see.

This photo of our son, Patrick, says a lot. It was taken Christmas Eve 2007. He was five. He stood, watching Santa distribute a gift for each grandchild in the Wrigley family. His gift was on the bottom of Santa’s bag. So, he waited with his little fingers crossed, behind his back. Patient and hoping. Wishing and believing.

Here’s to seeing it all, even those dancing sugar plums, through the eyes of a child.

Yup, the holidays are commercialized. And yes, they’re thrust upon us earlier and earlier every year. So, instead of fighting it, accept that there will be some chaos, but remember the magic, the reason for Christmas, and the hope that lies within—all while we’re shopping and humming and preparing because…Jesus and Santa are coming to town.

And, this is one birthday party that doesn’t need to be overhauled.

Happy Everything this holiday season!

Kathleen is a stay-at-home mom who serves on a number of community boards/ committees, is active in her church, kids’ school, and politics and runs to sustain her own mental health! This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth generation North Dakotan, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speech writer. Kathleen received a BS from The Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University, in Philadelphia.

parent resources for the fargo-moorhead area

DivorceCare for Kids 13 week session for kids ages 6 and up at Hope Lutheran South Campus – Call for session dates 701.235.6629

Up With Downs Supporting families of Down syndrome. For more information, contact Kara Jones, 701.526.3240 or karaljones@gmail.com, or Liz St. Louis, 701.212.7877 or estlouis4@gmail.com

Red River Moms Of Multiples 2nd Tuesday of each month. For more information visit www.rrvmothersofmultiples.org

Adoption Play Support Group For more details call 701.200.3285 or email shellemoran@yahoo.com

Compassionate Friends 2nd Thursday of each month, 7:30pm at Faith Lutheran Church, 127 2nd Ave E, West Fargo. Offering grief support after the death of a child. For more information patkylene@hotmail.com or 701.282.4794

Tender Transitions Every Tuesday and Friday from 12:00pm to 3:00pm at Essentia Health South University

6th Floor Conference Room. For all new moms in the FM area. For questions, call 701.364.8066

SHARE: Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group 3rd Tuesday of every month at 7:00pm at Faith United Methodist Church [19th Ave. N, Fargo]. This nondenominational group offers support to those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or within the first few months of life. For more information call 701.234.7500

Autism Support Group 2nd Friday of each month from 7:00pm to 9:00pm at Triumph Lutheran Church in Moorhead. For more information call group contact Rachel at 218.287.1184

DMF Lend A Hand Offers resources and matching funds to improve volunteer efforts that benefit people experiencing a medical crisis. Learn more about current efforts and/or to make a tax-deductible donation go to www.dakmed.org/lendahand

Fargo-Moorhead Home Schoolers Christian home schooling Moms who want to network ideas and provide support to homeschooling families. For more information contact Karen - jkisgrig@msn.com or 701.967.8990

HOPE, Inc. Provides a year-round sports and recreation program for children and young adults ages 2-23 with mobility challenges. We are family-centered and provide extra equipment so the ENTIRE family can play! Contact Adair at 701.866.9002 or agrommesh@cableone.net for more information or visit www.hopeinconline.org

Breastfeeding Support Group Meets once a month from 6:00pm to 7:00pm at Essentia Health. Call 701.364.8100 or visit www.innovishealth.com for more information and other support group opportunities

Rape & Abuse Crisis Center Crisis intervention, advocacy, and counseling services to all persons who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Volunteer or donate. Call 701.293.7273 or visit www.raccfm.com

Rainbow Bridge Visitation & Safe Exchange Because of dedicated individuals who volunteer their time, Rainbow Bridge is able to meet the ever increasing visitation needs of our families. For more information visit www.rainbowbridgekids.net or call 218.299.7694

FirstChoice Clinic Provides pregnancy confirmation and counseling, prenatal and parenting classes, community referrals to help individuals make life affirming choices. Call 701.237.5902 or visit www.firstchoiceclinic.com. Volunteer or donate at www.teamfirstchoiceclinic.com

Survivor of Suicide Loss 3rd Thursday of each month. Provide a safe, accepted and supportive environment and opportunity to talk openly. For more information contact Mary at 701.219.4110

PATH of North Dakota An organization offering a more personalized approach to foster care. For more information www.pathinc.org or 701.293.9968

FirstLink Provides telephone support including information and referral of local non-profits, listening and support, crisis intervention and suicide intervention 701.235.7335

Hospice An end-of-life care that provides comfort and support for patients and their families, Hospice also provides support groups for adults and children grieving the loss of a loved one. For more information or to make a donation, visit www.hrrv.org

Cullen Children’s Foundation Provide financial resources to organizations that support children’s healthcare needs, with an emphasis on cancer. For information on volunteering, being a part of a committee or to make a donation, visit www.cullyskids.com

Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch Offers a year-round opportunity for volunteers [individuals, groups/ part-time, full-time] for its thrift stores. To volunteer call 701.277.9424

Basic Training for New Dads With an experienced dad leading the way, new dads discuss adjusting to fatherhood, what to expect from a newborn baby and how to support mom during this time. For more information visit www.innovishealth.com

For more listings, visit www.OnTheMindsOfMoms.com/support. To submit a group or resource for consideration to be posted on our website, email information to info@onthemindsofmoms.com.

OTMOM does its best to keep information accurate, but organizations are responsible for providing updated information. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided.

Brooke Erstad, PT, DPT

Kameron Ihry Hodem, PT, DPT

too growingsoon? up

story by | elizabeth nawrot, phd

It was during coffee last week when my friend Linda confided to our small group that her daughter had started her period. But our collective sighs of reminiscence soon turned to gasps of disbelief when Linda reminded us that her daughter was in fourth grade and just 10-years-old. “Can that be normal?” she wondered. Children do seem to grow up faster these days, when the average 10-year-old has a cell phone and a FaceBook page. And this push to “come of age” is accompanied by a pull to slow down as economic and social pressures make the transition to adulthood difficult. Kids today experience an extended period of adolescence, marked by both an earlier onset and longer duration, with important consequences for their health and well-being.

the new normal?

Ten does seem young for a girl to have her first period, but it’s not considered unusual. The average age of “menarche”, or first menstruation is about twelve, with “precocious” or early puberty when menarche begins

before nine. The average age has declined significantly over the last few hundred years, when it was typical for a girl to begin menstruating at seventeen. In fact, the age of puberty has continued a gradual decline in just the last 50 years, with breast development beginning on average 1–2 years sooner. Puberty is beginning sooner in boys, too, with more than half of African American and one-third of Caucasian boys showing genital development by nine. But just because children’s bodies grow up faster doesn’t mean they are becoming adults sooner.

extended adolescence

Even by the end of the teen years, many young people don’t consider themselves grown up. When I ask students in my Developmental Psychology class “Do you think of yourself as an adult?” their answers mirror the general population with almost half responding “yes and no”. Nearly 40% of 12 to 17-year-olds say “No,” they don’t think of themselves as adults yet. By 18–25, the percentage who consider themselves adults increases, but is still less than half, with most young people continuing to think the term “adult” applies to them sometimes “yes” and sometimes “no”.

Along with the earlier onset of puberty, a number of social and economic factors have converged to lengthen the ladder toward adulthood. For example, to be competitive in this high tech, global world kids need more education to train for better jobs with higher pay. This means more time in school, living at home or dependent on parents. Increases in divorce and single parent homes also leads to a longer period of dependence as adult children move back with their parents. More than half of college students’ today plan to live with their parents after graduation.

Finally, the overwhelming presence of the media has blurred the boundaries between child and adult. From cartoons designed for adults to provocatively dressed and primped dolls marketed to children, the mixed messages can be confusing. It’s hardly surprising that nine and 10-year-old girls talk about dieting and teenagers are getting breast implants.

dangerous curves ahead!

Being a child in a grown up body can present a number of challenges, especially for children who go through puberty early. Girls in elementary school are usually

the least prepared and most distressed by the sudden onset of menstruation because they are unlikely to have discussed it with parents or friends. Because puberty naturally comes with more body fat and a curvy shape for girls, it can also lead to dissatisfaction with body image in today’s skinny-sensitive society. Early maturing girls also struggle with disruptive behavior, substance abuse, poor coping skills, and miss more days of school. Girls who experience precocious puberty may have more difficulty developing social relationships, positive self-concept, and are more likely to be depressed, aggressive, socially-withdrawn or moody.

Of course puberty means sexual development and for both girls and boys who are early maturing there is an increased risk for sexual behavior and its consequences. Younger adolescents who engage in sex are less likely to use contraceptives and therefore increase their risk for unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections [STIs]. According to one study, more than two-thirds of high school seniors report sexual activity, including oral sex. And the majority of STIs occur in people under age twenty-five.

practical advice and recommendations

There is no doubt that childhood is changing, whether it’s the earlier onset of puberty or the extended stay in adolescence, and that these changes affect our children’s health and well-being into adulthood. But there are things we can do to help.

What should I do when my child starts puberty?

Early maturing girls can need special attention during puberty as their changing bodies make it difficult for them to fit in with their friends. Parents who notice their daughters’ developing curves can use this opportunity to anticipate the onset of menarche and have the “period” talk early. Linda bought her daughter a special “period purse” for her backpack that included pads and a change of panties [“just in case”]. Girls who experience true “precocious” puberty should see their pediatrician or family doctor for a routine health check-up. Some experts used to be concerned that precocious puberty was associated with shorter growth, but it turns out that most girls eventually grow to average height despite early puberty.

What is the key to a healthy adolescence?

Parents should focus on healthy diet and lifestyle at an early age, especially with the number of overweight children more than doubling in the last 20 years. Dr. Jan Bexell-Gierke, an OB/GYN physician and mother

of two here in Fargo, typically sees patients 10 to 13 years-of-age with irregular or heavy periods, and she finds that this goes hand in hand with childhood obesity. “Obesity affects so much of your health throughout your lifespan.” says Dr. Gierke. “To start out at such an unhealthy weight can be difficult”. She recommends an active lifestyle and the value of eating at home. But Dr. Gierke recognizes how difficult this is. “We are all working moms, we have pizza too. But just add vegetables to the plate”.

Are there environmental products we should avoid?

Recent reports of a possible connection between early puberty and breast cancer underscores the importance of lifestyle on long-term health. Some studies advise parents to avoid estrogen or placenta containing beauty or hair care products, phthalates in plastics, and isoflavones found in some soy products. These chemicals are thought to be endocrine disruptors that can affect the body’s hormonal balance. It’s also good practice to avoid using pesticides or insecticides around children and to thoroughly wash fruits and vegetables. Some worry about hormones used in animal products, for example growth hormone used to increase cow’s milk production. But bovine growth hormone does not pass into milk and has only been used since 1993, after the trend towards early puberty.

When is it time to see a doctor?

Some experts recommend that children should see their doctor whenever secondary sexual characteristics appear. This gives an opportunity for discussions about hygiene, menstruation, feminine protection, sexual activity, contraception, and sexually transmitted infections. Dr. Gierke further advises a visit with the pediatrician or OB/GYN if your child is sexually active, begins menarche before age eight [precocious puberty], or if you or your child is concerned about obesity.

What about older teens who need help bridging the gap to adulthood?

To help them prepare for a competitive and sometimes uncertain future, support their efforts at continued education, but encourage non-academic experiences like internships, too. Non-traditional students can take advantage of diverse routes through academia like online or hybrid courses. And remember, adolescents experiencing puberty and changing schools at the same time need extra support in this time of multiple transitions.

What resources are available for more information?

An excellent book to begin talking about puberty and sex is “Ten Talks Parents Must Have with Their Children About Sex and Character” by Schwartz and Cappello. Written by a sex researcher and a parent educator, this book covers topics such as ‘those first feelings’, ‘cyberspace and sexuality’ and ‘talking about your family’s values’. It includes tools to help you talk to your kids about sex [beyond “if you have sex, I’ll kill you”], and even includes sample “sex talks”.

For parents who want a good book on health, hygiene, and puberty designed for younger kids [9-12] I recommend “The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls” by Schaefer, from the American Girl Publishing group. Also visit the National Research Center for Women and Families website for more information about teens and family, medical care, healthy living, and puberty and sexual development in particular: www.center4research.org

Adolescence can be stressful when the road to adulthood starts so soon and lasts so long, but it doesn’t need to be overwhelming for you and your child. If you provide

support and communication, and seek out the resources and expertise available in your community, the coming of age can be a coming together for you both.

references

1. Precocious puberty: A comprehensive review of literature (2007). Sandra Cesario & Lisa A. Hughes. The Association of Women’s Health, Obstetric and Neonatal Nurses.

2. Reexamination of the age limit for defining when puberty is precocious in girls in the United States: Implications for evaluation and treatment (1999). Paul B. Kaplowitz & Sharon E. Oberfield. Pediatrics, vol. 104 (4), 936-941.

3. Early puberty for girls. The new ‘normal’ and why we need to be concerned. Kathleen O’Grady. Retrieved from http://www. cwhn.ca/node/39365

4. The decline in the age of menarche in the United States: Should we be concerned? (2007) Marcia E. Herman-Giddens. Journal of Adolescent Health, vol. 40 (3), 201-203.

5. Adolescence (1998). Michael Jaffe. Wiley Publishing.

6. Precocious puberty in adolescent girls: A biomarker of later psychosocial adjustment problems (2005). Line Tremblay & Jean-Yver Frigon. Child Psychiatry and Human Development,

TMS Therapy® is a medical treatment that you have right in the doctor’s office, using the FDA-cleared NeuroStar TMS Therapy® system.

• This targeted treatment stimulates the part of the brain thought to control mood.

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december events

8–12,

15–19 & 23

Santa Village

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Santa & Mrs. Claus are at Rheault Farm to celebrate the holiday season. Open 4:00pm–8:00pm December 8–10, 15-17, 20-22 and 1:00pm–8pm December 11, 12, 18, 19 & 23.

10

Polar Express Storytime

701.281.1002

Children of all ages are invited to experience holiday joy at the Barnes & Nobel Polar Express Storytime at 7:00pm. Visit the Children's Department for a reading of Chris Van Allsburg's beloved tale, along with other holiday favorites.

10–12

Pippi Longstocking

701.235.6778

www.fmct.org

Head to the Fargo Community Theatre and take in Pippi Longstocking. Show starts at 7:30pm on December 10th & 11th and 2:00pm on December 12th.

11

Create & Explore

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Let your children explore their universe through a variety of hands-on activities & projects at the Robert D. Johnson Rec Center. For ages 4–8 from 10:00am–11:30am.

11 & 18

Santa Fly-In

701.293.8043

www.fargoairmuseum.org

The Fargo Air Museum hosts Santa Fly In from Noon to 4:00pm December 11th & 18th. Contact for details.

11, 12, 18 & 19

Holly Jolly Zoo Days

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Enjoy a variety of holiday activities at the Red River Zoo and visit with Santa Claus from 12:00pm-4:00pm.

13

2nd Annual Christmas Cookie Exchange

701.433.5460

www.westfargolibrary.org

Back by popular demand! Bring 3 dozen cookies or bars & exchange them for 3 dozen other cookies or bars. This is an easy way to do your holiday baking.

13 & 14

Christmas Classes

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

This fun filled class for ages 4-10 will be making a special Christmas gift for a loved one. 6:30pm–8:00pm at the Robert D. Johnson Rec Center on the the 13th and at Rheault Farm Bunk House on the 14th.

15

If You Have a Storytime

Mouse…

701.281.1002

Come to Barnes & Nobel at 10:00am to hear about one of their favorite mice (the kind that if you give him an inch he'll take a mile) with If You Take a Mouse to the Movies and If You Give a Mouse a

Cookie. There will be cookies and crafts after the stories.

16

Pandamonium

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Discover the differences between the giant panda & the smaller, red panda. For ages 4–6 at 2:00pm.

16, 23 & 30

Car Seat Safety Check

701.234.5570

www.north.sanford.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! Make an appointment be at the Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] between 1:30pm–4:30pm. This is a free event, but registration is required. Also note that it takes a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

18

A New Look at the Night

Before Christmas

701.281.1002

"'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house..." but do dinosaurs live in houses? And for pirates Sir Peggedy

is the one to look for, not St. Nick! Be at Barnes & Nobel at 11:00am to read Dinosaurs' Night Before Christmas and A Pirate's Night Before Christmas.

18

Paws to Read

701.241.1495

www.cityoffargo.com

Developing readers in grades kindergarten through 6th grade can cuddle up & read to a certified reading therapy pet at the Main Library. Sessions are 15 minutes long and are scheduled from 1:00pm-3:00pm. Bring your own book or pick one from our collection. Space is limited; registration is required. To sign up, contact Children's Services.

18

Saturday Storytime

701.241.1495

www.cityoffargo.com

Head the downtown Main Library for Saturday Storytime for toddlers and preschoolers at 10:00am. No registration required.

19

Skate with Santa

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Skate to Christmas music while visiting with Santa from 7:00pm–8:30pm. Hot chocolate & refreshments will be served. A canned food item for the Fargo-Moorhead Food Pantry will be your ticket to get in.

21

SHARE Pregnancy & Infant

Loss Support

701.234.7500

www.north.sanford.org

This nondenominational group offers support to those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or within the first few months of life. Meeting are held on the 3rd Tuesday of every month at 7:00pm at Faith United Methodist Church [19th Ave. N, Fargo].

22 Storytime

218.233.7594

www.larl.org

Children age 3 through kindergarten are invited to the Moorhead Library for exciting stories and fun activities. A different theme is explored through stories, songs, fingerplays, flannelboards and/or a craft!

27

Pediatric First Aid Class

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

This course covers basic first aid of children. Located at F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo] starting at 7:00pm. $35 fee. Register online.

27–30

Sleigh Rides

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Enjoy a scenic ride along the Red River through Viking Ship Park in a horse drawn sleigh from 1:00pm–4:00pm. After the ride, warm up with cookies & hot cocoa. No advance reservations or tickets are needed. Tickets are sold on a first come, first served basis. Rides are $4 per person [children 2 & under FREE].

30

Are Your Kids Riding Safely?

701.234.7233

www.north.sanfordhealth.org

Did you know that 80% of children are riding incorrectly. This class will give you the education to correctly use and install a car seat, as well as learn about child passenger safety laws, airbags & bus safety. Space is limited & pre-registration required. $30 fee.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area it is encouraged organizations submit events for consideration to info@onthemindsofmoms.com

january events

4

8

10

Jumpin' in the Gym

218.284.3400

communityed.moorhead.k12.mn.us

Do you get the late afternoon blahs? Do you need some fun and exercise? Join us January 4th & 11th from 4:40pm–5:30pm for running, riding, throwing, block building & more. The weather is always fine in our action-packed gym! For kiddos birth to pre-kindergarten, $8 fee. Register online.

6,13, 20 & 27

Car Seat Safety Check

701.234.5570

www.north.sanford.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! Make an appointment be at the Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] between 1:30pm–4:30pm. This is a free event, but registration is required. Also note that it takes a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

Kid Quest Fancy Dancer

701.232.3821

www.plainsart.org

Star Wallowing Bull’s New Age Fancy Dancer is lively, colorful and… well, fancy. Imagine what you would wear for a special dance performance. We will have a mess of beads, string, feathers and other goodies for you to design a colorful necklace, belt or head-piece at the Plains Art Museum from 10:00am–Noon. FREE event, but preregistration is required.

Artmania

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

If your 6–8-year-old loves to draw, paint, be creative or want to learn, this is the perfect class! $45.20 fee for 6 classes meeting weekly. Register online.

11

Basic Training for New Dads

www.innovishealth.com

This one-time evening class is designed for 'dads to be'. Dads with new babies are encouraged to bring their baby along with them and to share their "words of wisdom" with others. An experienced dad leads the

class. Topics discussed adjustments to fatherhood, what to expect from a newborn baby and how to support mom during this time. Class is from 6:30pm–8:00pm.

11

Accelerated Artist

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Learn new techniques and strengthen your knowledge of art in these fun, creative workshops. For ages 9-12 at the Robert D. Johnson Rec Center meets weekly for 6 classes from 6:30pm–8:00pm. $45.20 fee. Register online.

children really brighten up a household They never turn the lights off

—Ralph Bus

12 & 20 Scaly Tails

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

It’s all about scales & tails at the Red River Zoo for ages 4–6. Get up close and personal with some of the zoos reptiles at 10:00am on January 12th or 2:00pm on January 20th.

14-22 Winter Days

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Look forward to many annual Winter Days events. Returning events will include the Chili Cook-off, Snow Golf Tournament, Sleigh Rides, Senior Citizens Luncheon, Sliver Snowflake Search, Create the Park Book Cover Contest & more!

16

Family Winter-ific Day

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Events for the entire family at the Edgewood Winter Chalet 1:00pm–4:00pm. Food, Clydesdale sleigh rides, cross-country skiing and downhill sledding.

18

Buddy Day @ Oak Grove

701.373.7114

www.oakgrovelutheran.com

Are you interested in Oak Grove? Come join us for grades 1–5 Buddy Day [12:45pm–2:45pm] to see what life is like as a Grover. Seeing the campus, attending classes, experiencing chapel, meeting students and teachers will give you a good idea of what Oak Grove has to offer.

19

Junior Artists

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Spend an afternoon with your child [ages 3-5] at the Robert D. Johnson Rec Center exploring the world of art from 1:30pm–2:30pm.

22

Ice Fishing Tournament

www.ymcacassclay.org

This indoor event at the Fercho YMCA from 1:00pm–3:00pm benefits YMCA Camp Cormorant. Casting contest, door prizes & cash prizes are awarded. Sponsored by F-M Walleyes Unlimited, Scheels and the Y-Service Club. $10 for adults & $5 for youth. For more info call Dave Harman at 701.364.4166.

22

B.L.A.S.T Babysitter's Day Camp

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

The initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper changing techniques, also learn about when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

people who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one

—Leo J Burke

february events

3, 10, 17 & 24

Car Seat Safety Check

701.234.5570

www.north.sanford.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! Make an appointment be at the Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] between 1:30pm–4:30pm. This is a free event, but registration is required. Also note that it takes a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

4

Go Red Day

www.gorednd.com

Heart disease kills 1 in 3 women in North Dakota, but it is highly preventable. Support a heart healthy lifestyle and wear red all day!

5

Kid Quest Go-Go Gadget Printmaking

701.232.3821

www.plainsart.org

In honor of our Vermillion Prints Collection exhibition and printmakers everywhere, you will stamp out a unique abstract design using nuts, bolts and other oddities at the Plains Art Museum from 10:00am–Noon. This Kid Quest will make you think about how everyday objects can make a mark in your life. This is a FREE event, but preregistration is required.

9 & 17 Leap Frog

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Visit the Red River zoo to learn some fun-frog-facts & discover some of their slimy relatives! For ages 4–6. Starts at 10:00am on February 9th or 2:00pm on February 17th.

12

Sweetheart Ball

701.232.3980

www.rmhcfargo.org

Support the Ronald McDonald House of the Red River Valley at the Holiday Inn with an evening of featuring dinner, a live & silent auction and dancing. Tickets are $75.

14

Happy Valentine's Day Chocolate, flowers & your sweetie... Good Times!

15

Basic Training for New Dads

www.innovishealth.com

This one-time evening class is designed for 'dads to be'. Dads with new babies are encouraged to bring their baby along with them and to share their "words of wisdom" with others. An experienced dad leads the class. Topics discussed include adjustments to fatherhood, what to expect from a newborn baby and how to support mom during this time. Class is from 6:30pm–8:00pm.

without children? quiet

—Henny Youngman

what is a home

16

Junior Artist

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Spend an afternoon with your child [ages 3-5] at the Robert D. Johnson Rec Center exploring the world of art from 1:30pm–2:30pm.

20

Family Day at the Dike 701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Races, sledding, hotdogs and pop for the whole family at Dike West. Be there 1:00pm–4:00pm.

25

Buddy Day @ Oak Grove 701.373.7114

www.oakgrovelutheran.com

Are you interested in Oak Grove? Come join us for grades 6–12 Buddy Day [8:00am–12:45pm] to see what life is like as a Grover. Seeing the campus, attending classes, experiencing chapel, meeting students and teachers will give you a good idea of what Oak Grove has to offer.

26

4th Annual Youth Ice Fishing Derby

701.241.1356

www.fargoparks.com

Calling all Ice Fisherpersons ages 15 & under! Come to the South Woodhaven Pond [4802 Woodhaven Dr S, Fargo] and learn more about ice fishing including augers, ice houses, sonar equipment and much more! This is a FREE event 12:30pm–2:30pm.

28

Are Your Kids Riding Safely? 701.234.7233

www.north.sanfordhealth.org

Did you know that 80% of children are riding incorrectly. This class will give you the education to correctly use and install a car seat, as well as learn about child passenger safety laws, airbags & bus safety. Space is limited & pre-registration required. $30 fee.

adolescence is perhaps nature's way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest

—Karen Savage and Patricia Adams

Growing up in Leonard, ND, Cari Luchau [38] was raised in a typical North Dakota small town way with church basement Jello salad, high school basketball games and a brother. She graduated from Jamestown College with degrees in Mathematics and Business Administration intending to be an actuary. The winding road from actuary dreams to the hand-created world of c.lizzy’s included stints at a gymnastics club, a start-up secured credit card company, a start-up software company and a brief encounter with telematics [think OnStar on steroids]. Let’s just say Cari not only likes change, she craves it! When asked about her hobby she truthfully shares, “I love the world of business and I really like working so it’s kind of my hobby, too.” She’s been known to bring business magazines and books along on vacation, but when not working, husband Lance and son Leighton [3-months-old] have her undivided attention as they enjoy lake life, going to Bison football games and just plain hanging out together.

where did the store name come from?

My mom and I own the business together. My mom’s name is Liz, and her close friends call her Lizzy. My name starts with a “c”, so c.lizzy’s was born.

what was the impetus for starting c.lizzy’s?

Creating art runs in the family. My Mom and Grandma owned a part-time crafts business named Naturally Nice. They made grapevine baskets, corn husk flowers and hand-whittled wood flowers and did the local craft show circuit. I was always with them, so I think this history stuck with me. While working on a work project in London, I fell in love with Covent Garden and the artists there. I came back to Fargo nudging Mom to start a hand-created business together. I kept saying that with her experience and natural artistic talent and my business background, we couldn’t fail. Two years later, it was also timing and a few of life’s tough lessons learned that led to our decision to go for it. My Grandma passed away from a short battle with heart disease, and my Dad lost a hard battle with colon cancer. I was at a crossroads decision in the telematics job, and the dentist my mom worked for over the past 20+ years was retiring. We learned the difficult way that life can sometimes be short and it is full of turns, so we decided it was now or never. We dove in.

how long have you been in business?

Nearly 8 years.

how many employees do you have?

Including Mom and me, we have three full time and two part time .

what were the first five things you focused on before going into business?

I’m not sure I focused on anything, which is not what I would recommend. We just started making products, applying to shows and went for it.

what kind of products can we find at c.lizzy’s?

c.lizzy’s is a local retailer and a national wholesaler of hand-created art and crafts. We essentially have two businesses – our store on Broadway and our wholesale business.

In our store, one will find American hand-made art, jewelry, pottery and gifts that are from both local and national artists. We like to say we are “adding a little art to your every day” because one can find that quick yet memorable pick-up gift for book club or for a co-worker’s birthday or one can find that one-of-a-kind wall piece that inspires the look of your new living room. We personally make about 50% of what is in our store.

On our wholesale side of things, we create a line of products we showcase at national wholesale trade shows in Chicago, Philadelphia and Las Vegas. These shows are catered to American hand-made artists and their products, along with the stores and galleries across the U.S. that carry this type of work. Currently, our c.lizzy’s products are in stores and galleries in over 30 states.

what have you found to be the biggest challenge in owning your own business?

My biggest challenge is thinking “I can do it all myself” or “I should do it all myself” or “I need to do it all myself.” I recognize this is a myth of entrepreneurship and can be a real pitfall. I also think the word “should” is just another way to induce the feeling of guilt. I know all this yet it is still a challenge for me to let go of that thinking.

how would you describe a typically day for you?

Leighton is still working out a sleep schedule, so we are up anytime between 6 a.m. and 9 a.m. depending on how many times he is up during the night.

Luckily, I have a flexible schedule right now so we have time to play and have some mommy-son time before getting ready for work. Leighton comes to work with me, so my afternoons are a balancing act between making products, managing the business, playtime, feedings and diaper changes. My evenings are generally spent either at home with Lance and Leighton or they come to the studio to keep me company while I catch up on work.

as a new mom, how do you make time for yourself?

Ugh! I would like to improve this area by breaking in my new running shoes.

what top 10 things can you not live without as a mompreneur?

1. My husband, Lance. He is a total hands-on Dad, and he makes being a mom so much fun for me by pointing out the humorous side of parenthood. He is also completely supportive of c.lizzy’s and my role as a mompreneur.

2. Leighton’s smiles.

3. My mom—for too many reasons to list.

4. Our full-time employee, Tia. She is our right-hand and keeps things ticking along at our crazy pace.

5. My laptop.

6. My flexible schedule.

7. Many glasses of water.

8. Chocolate chunk brownies. Truly.

9. The blue bouncy chair.

10. My lists.

do you have any time management tricks that work well for you?

I am a huge advocate of laser-like focus. When I focus on each task or action item through completion before moving on to the next, I can accomplish

so much in 24 hours. I am also a fan of daily lists that are made up of prioritized action items. I generally make these lists each evening for the next day. what is your strongest mompreneur skill? Confidence. I am confident that I am being a good mother and a good business owner simultaneously. I find a lot of comfort in knowing this and being ok with the balancing act it requires. what is the best part of owning your own business?

The endless possibilities it presents both personally and professionally. I love the challenge of strategizing its direction and taking the steps to get there. I also love that the business can be shaped to fit my family style and lifestyle. what advice would you share with other women considering the mompreneur title? I believe the happiest people are those that live to their potential and to their calling. So if balancing motherhood and pursuing a passion as a business keeps popping up for you, the mompreneur title may fit. I would not recommend jumping in as blindly as I did. Due diligence is a good thing when starting a business. However, I think one of my favorite sayings fits here. “With courage greater than your fear, jump into the unknown and you will fly.”

crockpot stuffing

submitted by: brandi lebahn

As a busy mom of a seven and 5-year-old, a nursing student employed in the Essentia Health OB department, a business trainer, a hockey and gymnastics chauffeur, and a wife, Brandi Lebahn doesn't have a lot of time to cook even though she loves to. She is always looking for easy, tasteful recipes to make for her family and has recently learned to use her Crockpot as much as possible.

“This Crockpot Stuffing recipe was handed down from my mother-in-law,” Brandi says. “Our stoves are filled preparing for the holiday meal and it can be complicated baking everything all at the same time. This helps free up the oven and everyone LOVES this recipe!”

Brandi also shares how great it is for her when she works the holidays at the hospital and an oven isn’t available. Delicious and practical cooked all in one! what you need:

Moms – Want your kids to eat more veggies? Bribe ‘em with s’mores at HuHot!

• 1 cup butter or margarine

• 2 cups chopped onion

• 2 cups chopped celery

• 12-13 cups dried bread cubes

• 1 tsp poultry seasoning

• 4 cups chicken broth

• 1 ½ tsp salt

• ½ tsp pepper

• 1 ½ tsp sage

• 1 tsp thyme

• ½ tsp marjoram

• 2 eggs beaten how to make it:

1. Melt butter and sauté onion and celery.

2. In a large mixing bowl, mix the bread cubes and seasonings and toss with sautéed onion and celery.

3. Pour broth and beaten eggs into mixture and mix well.

Kids - Sign up for Khan’s Kids Club, and receive free s’mores on your birthday

www.huhot.com

4. Pour into a buttered Crockpot [or it will stick to the sides] and cover at high for 45 minutes and then low for 4-6 hours.

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

As the younger brother of two sisters from small town Fertile, MN, Joel Degerness grew up learning the construction craft from his father who owned a small construction business. That passion and interest in the trade led him to his current profession as a construction manager for Mutchler Bartram Architects in Fargo. When not spending time camping, watching sporting events, hunting and fishing with his family, Joel enjoys furniture making, carpentry projects and landscaping. A dad to Gage [17], Garrett [15], Brooke [9] and stepdad to Erika [16] and Taylor [15], Joel and wife J.J. make their home in Arthur, ND where he is president of his church council and member of the Northern Cass School Board.

photos: rialee photography | lindsey johnson

my first job…

a landscaper in Fort Lauderdale, FL. funniest person i know…

my wife is the funniest for sure. She can come up with a funny comeback for anything.

the “honey-do” chore i seem to do over and over… run the “weed eater” or the painting trim work. The grass keeps growing and the walls don’t keep painting themselves.

rad dad

a radio station i tune into daily… the new Popster FM channel lately…I especially like the 80’s stuff.

I am not a fan of… negativity… focusing on the negative will make for a long life, cause there are a lot of things that don’t go the way you want them too. Life is too short…just be happy!

two things i am good at… problem solving and history trivia. the hobby i most enjoy… woodworking.

something i can never tell my kids enough… don’t give up; you get what you give out of life. I always carry with me… my portfolio/planner.

my guiltiest fast food stop… Arby’s french dip with curly fries.

biggest challenge of being a step dad… there haven’t been many challenges in this area. I consider Erika and Taylor as my own kids, they have accepted me since day one, and I know blending families can be a very difficult job but I have been blessed with the best.

weirdest thing i have eaten… raw oysters or alligator tail. if my wife could throw away one thing of mine it would be… my antique tools and record collection...she doesn’t see the beauty of them. habit i would most like to break… eating potato chips before bed. the vehicle that best describes me… my old black Chevy pickup. It’s a trusty, hard worker and always gets me to where I need to be.

rialee photography

countryside photography

lenhart photography

lenhart photography

skyloft photography

shutter bug

tiny sprout portraits

skyloft photography

countryside photography

tiny sprout portraits

what’s on your mind?

reflection minivan the

story by | laura sokolofsky

I’vealways thought the vehicle you drive is a reflection of your personality. The color, make and model all say something about the owner. I’ve driven a 67 Mustang, a Mazda MX6 sportscar, a Honda Accord, and a Jeep Grand Cherokee all dark and sleek in color. My self-reflection…sporty. An avid sports fan ready for any game, a summer sunroof open sun-worshipper, and usually with the pedal to the metal with the need for speed racing to the next event.

I like that reflection. But as more responsibilities get added to my grown up life [pets, children, toys, car seats, strollers, activities and sports equipment] my reflection HAD to adapt. After loading the Jeep for a camping trip, we could hardly find our children in the back seat! Tent, sleeping bags, coolers, food, toys, pillows,

clothes and chairs were piled high and even strapped on the roof! All this for two days of camping and we didn’t even bring the dog and kennel! The conclusion… we needed more room!

So what’s bigger than a Jeep? Hmmm…a Tahoe, a Suburban, an Escalade, a Hummer, all still sporty but out of our family’s budget for gas alone much less the actual price tag. What gets better gas mileage and still has more room? Dare I say it…a minivan...NOOOOO!!!!!

I’ve said many times in life “I never want a minivan”. What is it about a minivan I was so against? Everyone I talked to said once they had one they loved it. I was not sold. I had to do some soul searching and some pros vs. cons thinking. The result…it was the reflection.

No minivan turns heads or gets the “sweet car” compliment. I would not feel cool, sassy or sporty like with

my past cars. The salesman did not help my falling ego either as he told me, “The next age group that buy minivans the most are senior citizens, because it is easy on their hips to get in and out of.” Not the selling point I needed to hear. My reflection isn’t old lady with bad hips! Remember I’m sporty!

But, I am very practical and the positives; great gas mileage, travel space, fold down seats, carpool capabilities,

what’s on your mind?

Yes I really, really do like my black, fully loaded minivan and I discovered a strange phenomenon no one previously mentioned with minivan ownership. While I don’t feel I look “cool” driving it, for some reason my husband looks very cute, loyal and committed to his family and that is HOT to this 35-year-old mom! Bonus!

Right now my life does revolve around my kids, their activities, and our family’s comfort. The ol’ minivan is the right mode of transportation to keep this family rollin’ to the next softball game, little league, flag football game, hockey practice, dance performance or music class. My sporty is now reflected in being the coach, cheerleader, action photographer, and equipment manager.

auto sliding doors, leather captain chairs [aka no sibling touching feature], cup holders galore, comfortable, and affordable all outweighed this one con…my new reflection.

I am now a new member of the ever-so-practical minivan mom club. The seemingly last and ultimate sacrifice a mom makes for her children, because stretch marks you can hide, a minivan you cannot.

Someday I know my true car reflection will return, but for now the minivan is just right and worth the sacrifice of looking sporty or cool…for now.

This section is dedicated to capturing your mom thoughts. Want to share what’s on your mind? Submit your article idea to info@onthemindsofmoms.com along with a short bio for consideration in an upcoming issue.

701.730.2196

natalie@growingyoungmindstutoring.com www.growingyoungmindstutoring.com

Natalie Kvam BS Education

Shanna Kvam BS Education

“Inspiring your child to reach new heights, by developing the skills and confidence needed to achieve their academic potential.”

I’ve said many times in life “I never want a minivan”

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

story by | melissa fluge

WhenI think of fashion I think fun, flirty, fabulous, sophisticated, sexy and stylish. As a first time mom of a 1-year-old, this past year has taught me to rethink my fashion needs. Since my beautiful baby entered the picture I have less time to get ready and I have witnessed my body change from head to toe!

I can’t just stand in front of my closet and try on two or three different outfits before leaving the house like I did before having a baby. And while I use to know my size in my favorite brands, today I really struggle to find “my size” again. Well, ladies, it’s time to love your clothes again!

First, put your size concerns aside because it’s not about the size of the clothes and shoes, but how they fit. Then make sure you have these mommy must haves at your fingertips so you can just get dressed and go and still know you are fashionable and ready for the day.

Just For You Clothing

braziers & panties

I know bra shopping is horrible [thank you breastfeeding], but oh how important it is to wear the right bra and panties. Think of how great it is to smooth out those love handles and icky back flab while lifting “the girls” right back up to where they should be. Wearing the right bra and panties sets the foundation for great fitting clothes and is a great place to add some sexiness to your wardrobe as well.

the perfect jean

Go with a darker denim, a great color to wear for casual Friday or date night with the honey. Right now skinny jeans are in and for those out there that can wear

them, I say go for it! For those not sure about going the skinny jean route, try a bootcut, a great universal style for any shape and size. One reminder with jeans, don’t be afraid to buy them a little snug as they can stretch out the more you wear them.

lbd & lbp

Yes, the Little Black Dress and Little Black Pant. When I think of the LBD, I think Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It never goes out of style! How could we ever live without this simple practical piece of clothing? This universal dress can be worn for anything and looks great on everyone [pearls optional]. For the LBP, every wardrobe needs a pair. Need I say more?

cardigan & jacket

From embellishments, flowers, ruffles, prints and every color in the rainbow, cardigans are the ladylike, layering piece perfect all year long. Don’t be afraid to splurge and get more than just one color or style. They are a great casual way to add a punch of color to your wardrobe. If a cardigan isn’t quite your style, go with a military, jean, suit or fitted blazer for some great layering. Don’t leave home without this item because they never go out of style.

perfect tee & cami

From v-neck to crew, capsleeve, boatneck or even a cami; this is a great base layering piece to wear under that jacket or cardigan. Dress it up with a fabulous skirt or keep it low key with jeans for playtime with the kiddos.

shoes

Always have a flat for chasing around the kids or going out for the day. For a sexier look, add a stiletto into the

fashion is something that should be fun and make you feel fabulous

mix. Not sure of going that high, go for a wedge heel. It adds height and stability but still screams sexy.

handbags

Make it a goal to put aside the black and brown and take a risk with color. Make the size of your handbag fit your lifestyle. Diaper bags are looking more and more fashionable all the time and I know I love that!

jewelry

Bracelets, earrings, necklaces…oh my! For everyday wear, keep it simple with a stud earring. For evening wear, add some bangles and dance the night away.

Beware, necklaces and little ones don’t mix, but if you are daring I say go for it. They are fun and can represent who you are.

scarves & belts

Right now, scarves are trendy throughout the year. They are a great layering piece along with a perfect way to add color and texture. As for belts, whether it is skinny or wide, embrace that waistline!

One great thing about these mommy must haves is their versatility; taking you from day to evening. Don’t be afraid to mix and match these items and add trends along the way. Building a wardrobe takes time and it is important to create it around your personality and lifestyle while at the same time staying true to who you are. Remember fashion is something that should be fun and makes you feel fabulous and by incorporating these mommy must haves, you can’t go wrong.

being out zone of the

story by | health pros

Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results and this really applies to fitness. There is no way you will reach your fitness goals without changing things up and getting outside your comfort zone.

Leaving your comfort zone, in any area of your life, is painful. It can be physically painful in the form of aching muscles as well as emotionally painful as you may feel awkward or clumsy trying to master a new task. But positive change comes from getting outside your comfort zone and changing up your routine.

The pain or discomfort of change is only temporary. Now is the perfect time to rattle the cage, mix things up, get out of your comfort zone and find a new approach to fitness and wellness, so what’s it going to be? How about a Buddy Workout or Shakin’ Those Hips? Or maybe Body Resistance or Wee One Workout or some Stress Relief? Make the commitment and try one of these workout options and guess what? You just might end up liking it!

buddy workout a.k.a. group personal training

Need a cure for finding excuses to not go to the gym?

The Buddy System is your answer. This group personal training is simply you and a friend working with a personal trainer together. The benefits are plentiful! You get to see your friend more often, it’s cost effective as you pay less per session and you’re accountable to your friend and trainer with each appointment you schedule. Your trainer is creating a safe, effective & efficient program for you and your buddy, so you just

body + being

need to show up and have fun! This is a sure cure for the “I don’t feel like working out” dilemma.

shakin’ those hips a.k.a ZUMBA

Interested in partying yourself into shape? Yes you can! Working out doesn’t have to feel like hard work anymore! It can be fun…in fact it IS fun! Welcome to Zumba.

Zumba is a dance-fitness program that combines Latin rhythms and easy-to-follow moves to create a one-of-a-kind fitness program that will blow you away. This new Craze has been hitting the FM area full-force and it has changed many people’s lives!

Zumba Fanatics achieve long-term benefits while experiencing an absolute blast in one exciting hour of calorie-burning, body-energizing, awe-inspiring movements meant to engage and captivate for life! The routines feature interval training sessions where fast and slow rhythms and resistance training are combined to tone and sculpt your body while burning fat. You can burn as much as 600+ calories per class partying yourself into shape!

As Zumba has become more and more popular in the area, there are more and more places offering this exciting new way to workout. So are all Zumba classes created equally? No.

First, keep in mind that not every instructor is the same; therefore not every class will be the same. Each instructor has their own style, so be open to trying different instructors and places. If you went to a Zumba class and didn’t like it, chances are your instructor’s style didn’t match yours. Give another class a try and you will most likely find a Zumba instructor that will take your breath away… literally!

Here are some things to keep in mind when choosing your Zumba class:

• experience A more experienced Zumba instructors means more variety in class. Classes will run smoother and consequently will be more fun.

• background Some of the best Dance-Fitness instructors have some type of dance background. It is important for Zumba instructors to have some dance background [even if informal] because it helps with routine creation and execution.

• style Some instructors’ styles are more fitness others more dance, some more hip-hop others more Latin. Finding the instructor that inspires

you will allow you to become more engaged in class, consequently burning more calories.

Zumba classes usually are in a non-intimidating environment where people of all ages, shape, gender and fitness level are welcome to participate. The goal is to have FUN while working out! Because Zumba is so much fun it is perfect for anyone trying to get in shape, but has a hard time sticking to a fitness routine. It can also be a great change of pace for fitness addicts that are looking for new cardio training. So get out of your comfort zone & give Zumba a try!!!

body resistance a.k.a. TRX suspension training

TRX Suspension Training is an innovative method of training the body that is as unique as it is versatile. The basic concept involves using your body weight as the resistance with straps attached to a fixed bar. More muscles are recruited as you stabilize and balance yourself while doing traditional exercises like a push-up, squat, or a lunge. Because of the support from the straps, a safe, but larger range of motion is also possible.

The TRX Suspension Trainer is extremely adaptable to all fitness levels. The user can control the resistance [intensity] by simply shifting the position of your body or foot placement or by adding or deleting jumps. There are multiple ways to make the exercises work for you. By working with a trainer, there will always be feedback and instruction to insure proper technique and safety. Whether you are just starting to work out or you want to change up your current routine, TRX Suspension Training builds core strength, elevates your heart rate, burns lots of calories and works balance, stabilization and power. Maximize your training time and reach your next level of fitness!

wee one workout a.k.a. baby & me

For all of you new moms and dads out there: Do you sometimes feel stuck at home and can’t exercise with a newborn? Or maybe you just don’t want to leave your newborn’s side or bring him to some gym daycare? Why not try something new that’s beneficial not only for your body, but for your baby too!!!

A Baby & Me class is a full-body strengthening program that allows you to incorporate your baby into each exercise. The exercises are creative and make working out feel more like playtime without the phone ringing or laundry folding to interrupt you. The setting is non-intimidating, casual and the music is soothing.

If your baby doesn’t feel like participating just bring a blanket, bottle or whatever else makes your baby feel comfortable to be by your side while you still get to workout! New moms, check with your doctor before starting any postpartum exercise program.

stress relief a.k.a. yoga

Are you stressed out? Tense? Are you on information overload? Do you feel your balance has up and left you? Do you wish you had a few minutes to re-energize?

Do you wish you were stronger and more flexible? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you gotta give yoga a try.

There are so many styles and types of yoga. Do you think that you have to be flexible, like a pretzel, to do yoga? Not true. Do you think that yoga would not give you enough of a workout when you only have so much time to spare? Not true again. There is a class for everyone and every move, pose or position can be modified to meet each individual’s needs.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel guilty about taking time away from work and your family to exercise. You have

to be a HEALTHY mom in order to provide HEALTHY mothering to your children. One of the benefits of yoga is its amazing ability to calm your thoughts and relax your entire body. Just 5 minutes of slow breathing and quieting the mind can totally rejuvenate you for the day. Give yoga a try or if you’ve tried it before, give it another try! Find a class/instructor that will meet your goals and allow yourself an experience you will never regret. How often have you told your kids, “you’ll never know if you like it until you try it!” So, take your own advice. With fitness, your options are endless. Commit to trying something new in the next thirty days and do it at least 1-2 times a week. It might be uncomfortable to get out of that comfort zone, but your body will love you for it!

Stacey Allard and Kate Frappier have co-owned Health Pros for 10 years and have recently moved into the Catalyst Medical Center Building. Health Pros’ top notch personal trainers include Bonnie Siverson, Rachel Shambaugh and Judy Felch. Dance-Fit, owned by Dani Ferrio and Kim Brandt, is located within Health Pros and offers Zumba classes with the areas two most experienced instructors. More information visit www. healthprosfargo.com and www.dancefitnd.com

For Life

row (l-r): Stacey Allard, Judy Felch, Bonnie Siverson, Rachel Shambaugh

Front row: Kim Brandt, Kate Frappier, Dani Ferrio

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

kelli medders

journey to be a

story by | patricia carlson

Kelli Medders was meant to be a mom. She is warm, loving and devoted to her children. Her eyes dance with joy when she shares stories about them. But Kelli’s journey through motherhood has been unlike what most moms ever encounter in their own lives. Although it’s been filled with incredible highs, Kelli has also experienced immense tragedy no parent should have to endure. Yet through it all, Kelli’s desire to be the best mom she can be never wavered and her strength is an example to everyone who has ever dreamed of becoming a parent.

Kelli was a fresh-faced college freshman when she started dating Jason Medders at Mississippi State University. Both originally from Birmingham, Alabama, the pair immediately felt a connection based on their similar Southern roots and a strong shared faith. Although Kelli was working toward her degree, she confided in Jason that she dreamed of becoming a wife and mother after graduating.

“When we got married in 2000, I knew that Kelli wanted to be a stay at home mom, and I was glad,” says Jason. Three years later, a job opportunity at NDSU pulled the pair to Fargo and two years after that, Kelli’s dream came true; she became pregnant with a little boy they named Wyatt. “It was fun thinking and talking about what kind of child our firstborn would be,” says Jason. Having one child was certainly a blessing, but Kelli and Jason longed to expand their family and in July of 2007 Kelli found out she was pregnant again. “Five was my number,” Kelli recalls thinking about the number of children she wished to have. “Jason wasn’t so sure.”

Together, Kelli and Jason were about to embark on a life experience neither could have ever imaged. They would use a blog to update family and friends as well as gain support and much needed prayers over the months that followed.

July 4, 2007 “Today was a rough day. We just found out yesterday that we are expecting four babies. But that is all we know.”

Kelli and Jason scheduled what they thought would be a routine OB/GYN visit when she was around 8 weeks. It wasn’t. “I was just kind of expecting a normal ultrasound but I could tell that something just didn’t look right, there were a lot of little bumps and things that weren’t supposed to be there,” Kelli says. “And the first thing he asked us was, ‘Have you been taking any

fertility drugs?’ and even though the answer was “no,” I knew right then that we were looking at multiples of some shape, form, or fashion.”

Instead of one baby showing on the ultrasound, Kelli’s doctor pointed out four babies. “I remember being very much in a haze, in a fog,” Kelli says. “I couldn’t think clearly, I couldn’t process, it seemed like a dream—any minute I was going to wake up and this was going to be over.”

Kelli’s doctor didn’t even know how it had happened; the chances of Kelli conceiving quadruplets naturally was about one in 15 million. He immediately referred the couple to a team of perinatologists at a hospital in Minneapolis where they specialize in multiple, high-risk pregnancies.

The next week, Kelli and Jason underwent a live, 3D ultrasound. The equipment used was so advanced that they could trace all four umbilical cords [no thicker than a human hair] from each baby [no larger than a kidney bean]. “The ultrasound tech there was absolutely amazed,” Kelli says with a grin. “He was an older man and he said he’d never seen this before and he would never see it again.” They determined that all four babies shared one placenta, but each baby had its own amniotic sac. And they were identical girls.

Kelli and Jason were both simultaneously thrilled and terrified. “We were told right away that it would be a difficult, high-risk pregnancy, and we knew the road ahead would not be easy,” Jason says. Deep in their faith, the couple reached out to family and friends in their faith community for prayers. And they leaned heavily on Kelli’s parents, who, just days before Kelli’s ultrasound, had packed up their belongings in Alabama and decided to move to Fargo with no clear intentions other than they felt God's calling to be closer to their daughter.

a journey to be

“We had arrived in Fargo on June 30th; three days later we knew why we had moved here,” says Kelli’s mom and dad, Kay and John Blair. “It made no sense at the time for us to pull up roots and move so far from home.”

But with such a huge challenge in front of Kelli and Jason, they needed all the support they could get.

August 9, 2007 — “We had another ultrasound and saw all four babies. There were hands and feet and arms and legs everywhere. It was amazing!”

The first two months of Kelli’s pregnancy passed by in a blur of excitement tempered by nausea and panic. “I try not to worry but I get anxious thinking about how

all four babies are doing,” she wrote when she was about 12 weeks pregnant.

Kelli’s doctor hoped the babies could stay in the womb until 28 weeks [7 months]. With such a high-risk pregnancy, Kelli knew that would be a miracle but she believed God was on her side.

As summer ended, it appeared Kelli needn’t be worried. Ultrasounds continued to show the babies growing at the same rate, with fully-developing hearts and functioning kidneys. By early September, Kelli was back to feeling confident. “I finally started being ok

with it,” she recalls. “I slowly got out of my fog and then I remember I started thinking it’s ok, I can do this.”

The Medders and their team of doctors created a game plan for getting Kelli and their baby girls through the pregnancy. At 18 weeks, Kelli would go on home bed rest and then a month later, she would move to Minneapolis for hospital bed rest.

Wyatt would have to enter daycare, something Kelli, who had always wanted to be a stay at home mom, had taken immense pride in not using. “I remember it was very difficult for me. I was a stay at home mom, my job

was Wyatt,” she says. “I never thought I would have to do daycare but I had a friend who told me, ‘Your job now is to be a mom to the girls that are inside,’ and I hadn’t thought about that yet.” Luckily, Wyatt loved daycare which helped ease Kelli’s mind.

A 16 week ultrasound showed Kelli and her babies were healthy but her doctor decided bed rest should start a couple of weeks earlier than planned. Kelli passed the time reading, surfing the internet, praying and trying to keep food down. “I was starving but I was sick a lot because of all the hormones so it was hard to keep food down but I knew I needed to eat a lot because of calories.”

All was progressing as planned and Kelli and Jason even picked out names for the girls. Baby A would be Annika, Baby B – Berkley, Baby C – Callie and Baby D – Daley.

September 28, 2007 “We have some very serious concerns with babies A and D. The prognosis for baby A is not good, as the doctor does not think she will live to a viable age. My heart is broken and hurting.” What was by now a routine ultrasound visit to Minneapolis turned into anything but when doctors discovered a grave abnormality in two of the babies. Annika and Daley were suffering from twin-to-twin transfusion, a

condition in which the girls were not only connected to the placenta but were also sharing blood vessels. This resulted in Annika having an enlarged heart and early signs of congestive heart failure. “She was really active in there,” Kelli says, smiling at the memory. “She was my little bud, I felt her more than any of the other girls.” Meanwhile, Daley had too small of a heart and wasn’t growing.

The news was devastating. The survival of all four girls was at risk as a very blunt doctor told them there were no options because there were too many babies. “I was

emotionally and physically drained,” Kelli recalls with a pause. “I remember writing that I would love to have the chance to be the mother of four little girls.”

But there was hope. “Monday, October 1st, was the most empowering day for me as a woman, as a mom,” Kelli recalls with conviction in her voice. “I guess you always expect what doctors tell you to be the truth because they’re the ones who have been going to school for it and have been doing it for a while, but in my heart I just knew we couldn’t take the doctor’s words that there was nothing that could be done.”

Kelli quickly put her bed rest internet research skills to good use and found a doctor in Rhode Island who could perform a rare surgery to separate the shared blood vessels and give each girl a chance to flourish on her own. “The surgery was not a guarantee that everything would be okay, but the statistics as a result of the surgery were more promising than not doing anything,” Kelli says.

On October 4th, Kelli was in Rhode Island with her hopes pinned on a successful surgery, but she was not prepared for what happened next. “At some point during the wee hours of the morning I noticed I didn’t feel Annika anymore,” she says, wiping a tear from her cheek. Drifting in and out of consciousness, Kelli prayed for movement. But the next morning, an ultrasound confirmed only three beating hearts; Annika had passed away. The painful decision was made to keep Annika inside the womb until Kelli delivered the other babies.

That night Jason wrote on the family’s blog: “It hurts. It hurts badly. However, we know that everything that could be done for her was done.”

The surgery did offer a glimmer of good news for Daley. Fluids began pumping toward her bladder and within a month, her vital numbers were as strong as Berkley’s and Callie’s. At that point, Berkley weighed 16 ounces, Callie, 14 ounces, and Daley, just 9 ounces.

November 4, 2007 “I never knew when the girls came, I never heard them cry. They were taken immediately away.”

A month passed since Kelli’s surgery. She remained on bed rest and did her best to keep the babies healthy. But the pregnancy was taking its toll on her body and soul. She couldn’t keep food down and doctors had to insert an IV for fluids. Her hospital floor lacked internet so she felt cut off from her friends and family. Although she had her baby girls with her, it was a very lonely time for Kelli but she leaned on God to pull her through.

And then the worst thing that could happen did—Kelli went into labor at 6 months. “I was 24 weeks and six days,” she says. “My goal was to make it to 28 weeks; that would’ve been huge.”

Her body - and the babies - had other plans. Despite medications and other interventions, doctors could not stop Kelli’s contractions and she agreed to undergo a C-section. With Jason by her side, doctors began the delicate task of removing the babies from her womb. “It

was a very serious situation but Jason was fantastic,” Kelli says. “He’d think of funny stories or things we’d done together and that’s the only thing that kept me calm.” Within minutes of delivering, doctors came to Kelli’s beside with dire news. Daley, the baby girl who had fought so hard to recover from her twin-to-twin transfusion surgery, died shortly after birth. “They had tried to breathe for her, but she was only 8 ounces,” explains Kelli quietly.

Jason and Kelli huddled together as they cradled Daley for the first and only time. “She was perfect in every way, just too small to sustain life,” Jason wrote about the experience.

“It was just a precious, precious time with her that I wouldn’t trade for anything to be able to hold her,” Kelli says.

Meanwhile, Berkley and Callie were rushed to the NICU where a team of doctors and nurses were able to stabilize the newborns. “They were very tiny but they were all the spitting image of each other,” remembers Kelli, like any proud parent. “They all just looked exactly alike.”

November 7, 2007 “Today has been one of the longest days of our lives.”

For three days, both girls continued to thrive in the NICU. But an ultrasound revealed more devastating news. Berkley had a significant brain bleed and a severe lung infection. Doctors told Kelli and Jason they had done everything they could but that Berkley would not get better. The couple made a difficult decision and took her off her ventilator.

“The last thing I wanted was one of my girls to die in a bed, poked by a whole bunch of things, you know, doing everything to keep her alive, I just couldn’t do that,” Kelli says, her strong demeanor crumbling at the memory. “We were able to hold her like we did with Daley while she died, praying for a miracle. Praying that something would happen and we’d have some signs that maybe she’s recover from this, but she passed away on the 7th and that left us with Callie.”

Although the loss of three of her daughters devastated Kelli, the woman who dreamed of being a mother knew her other newborn daughter fighting to survive with each breath, needed her. “If I would have dwelled on my daughters’ deaths, there’s no way I could have

been there for Callie,” explains Kelli. “I would have been an emotional wreck, trying to change something that I couldn’t change—the girls were gone and we did everything we could.”

So Kelli forged on in Minneapolis for Callie, living away from Jason and Wyatt and her family and friends. She lost weight. Her hair started turning gray. “I would go to my room and cry for the girls and grieve. And for me it’s a miracle that I didn’t suffer from depression or psychosis or something, because after all the losses…” she trails off, unable to finish her thought.

Jason remembers the emotional toll the entire experience had on his wife. “She struggled with being on bed rest by herself in Minneapolis while her husband and son were four hours away, but she knew it was the best thing to do,” Jason says. “She was TOTALLY committed to doing everything in her power to have a successful pregnancy for our girls, and she fought for them with all her might.”

Kelli kept that routine for 208 days. She sat by Callie’s side as the little girl endured eight surgeries, numerous needle pokes, and countless other invasive procedures. “You’d think we’d be on the right track for going home and then she’d just go backward and that’s how it was,” Kelli says. And then, on the 209th day, Kelli’s prayers were answered. Callie was cleared to go home and the Medders family was reunited.

“When you look back at the long road Callie came along, it’s impossible to deny that miracles really do happen!,” says Sarah Beck, one of Kelli’s best friends.

Callie has made great strides since returning home, but still requires some physical and speech therapy. “I’ve decided I don’t want to be the mom that’s like, ‘oh this girl has been through so much’ pampering her and babying her. Because she would run with it!,” Kelli says, laughing. “But she’s the kind of child you have to push and I feel like the love I have for her is kind of a tough love to push her and challenge her, knowing that she can do more than she’s doing. That’s how it was in the NICU and that might just be how it is for the rest of her life.”

May 12, 2010 — “Our most exciting news is our newest member of our family - Sadie Rose Medders. Sadie was born April 14, 2010, weighing 6 pounds, 11 ounces and 19 inches long.”

Just as life was falling into a new normal for the Medders, came one of the biggest decisions Kelli and Jason needed to face—whether or not to have more children. But with Callie nearly 3-years-old, the Medders decided it was time to expand their family.

“We were nervous wrecks, nervous the very first time we had an ultrasound,” Kelli says. As much as she wanted a healthy and happy child, Kelli also struggled with the idea of having a girl. “As soon as I didn’t see boy parts, I bawled,” she recalls. “Jason was fine but I just cried the rest of the ultrasound because I’m not ready for this; I can’t relive this girl stuff again.”

An unlikely moment at the doctor’s office between Kelli and Jason, quelled any fears she was having. “I was starving and we had to wait a while to see the doctor. Jason had a fortune cookie in his pocket. The cookie was great but the fortune inside was even better.” The tiny piece of paper read, ‘Good things come in small packages. One is coming to you’. For Kelli, it was a sign from God that he was in control and this was the baby he had planned for their family.

Through the support of her husband, family, friends and faith, Kelli found the strength to accept bringing a new baby girl into the world. They named her Sadie and she and Callie are the best of friends. Even better, Kelli says, is that Sadie has reminded them of the simple joys a baby can bring. “So now I have a baby that laughs and coos and makes noise and it’s really fun to have a normal moment and enjoy that.”

For Kelli, just getting to be a mom is a blessing, no matter what struggles she’s endured along the way. “I think I’m more determined than I thought I was. If you would have told me, you are going to get pregnant with four girls and three of them are going to die, I would have told you no way, there’s no way I’ll be able to handle that,” she says, adding, “but when faced with it, I did handle it, I did make it through.”

Kelli’s road to motherhood has been winding, full of twists and turns, joy and heartache. Yes, she’s always dreamed of being a mom, but if you ask her if she would change anything about the journey she took to get there, her answer is simple. No.

grow ready, set more than please & thank you

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

Whenwas the last time you heard someone say, “I can’t wait for little Billy to turn into a real jerk?” Never, right? But why do we hear so often that kids today are rude and disrespectful? Time to give some thought to your etiquette teaching.

As you gaze upon your sweet wee one, you daydream of the good little boy he will be. Please, thank you, you’re welcome and excuse me will inevitable be a major part of his vocabulary. Other adults will reward your fine offspring-raising with a simple smile that says, “Thata girl, job well done!” WAKE UP! Yes, your kiddo can be all these things, but being polite isn’t something we are wired with at birth. It’s a learned behavior that starts with you!

wee ones [0–18 months]

Emily Post published the first edition of the book on etiquette in 1922

do as i do

In 1993, basketball player, Charles Barkley really stirred the pot with his I am not a role model Nike ad. Maybe Charles isn’t, but honey, you have no choice! From the time you bring that precious wee one home, you are THE role model. All too soon your wee one will grow up and you’ll have to start worrying about outside influences, but for now make sure you are the model of manners you want your kiddo to emulate:

• what’s that you say How you say something can be as important as what you say. The tone of your voice helps you express emotion and opinions. Loud, curt tones can portray anger, rudeness or disrespect. Are you always going to speak in a soft, soothing tone? Maybe if you live by yourself! No one is perfect, but you can be conscious of how you are talking to people and how they react to you. If you find you’re being a little rude, now’s the time to change your ways.

• thank you As your wee one starts to really interact with you, make sure you are using please and thank you as you talk directly to him.

No one ever thinks they are going to have the back talking kid they have seen at the grocery store. “My kid will NEVER…” Just remember the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If your manners are lacking, watch out for junior to follow suit.

Your tot is now able to partake in one the most valuable of family rituals. It has been around for decades and something passed down for generations… family mealtime. Yes, your tot is messy, maybe loud and not ready to sit much longer than it takes to finish his mac & cheese, but now is the time to start instilling table manners.

pass the peas, please

Obviously, you aren’t going to be teaching your tot the difference between the salad and dinner fork just yet, but he is ripe for learning the groundwork of mealtime etiquette. Just remember that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Teaching table manners takes time and patience and you can’t get hung up on the occasional ill timed spill or burp. Here are some ways to introduce table manners:

• watch me Yep, sorry…you’re still on the hook. Make sure you model proper table manners and really be AT the table. No newspaper, phone or computer. Put all the distractions away and enjoy your time with the family.

• the rules Each family will have their own rules and expectations when it comes to table manners. Your tot isn’t going to understand the why behind the rules and that is fine. For now you are just introducing how things work in your house. Use polite words, but don’t hold back items if your tot doesn’t say please right away. Tots are notoriously strong willed and you don’t want to create a power struggle. Encourage your tot to use his polite words and when he does let him know it makes you happy.

• uh oh When your tot exhibits a behavior contrary to your table manners, such as throwing food, don’t get too worked up. Your tot loves attention and sometimes they don’t care how they get it, so make sure negative behavior doesn’t get any re-enforcing.

Instead use a firm, non-yelling voice to make your point clear, “No, throwing food.”

Remember that your tot is, well…a tot. He is still trying to master many skills needed for proper table manners such as fine motor skills and the ability to vocalize needs and wants. So, don’t expect the impossible. He is simply not going to be able to completely follow all the family rules at this time. Keep mealtime happy and enjoyable and as time goes by the table manners will fall into line.

children not eating dinner with their families are 61% more likely to use alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs

Of course your preschooler wants to be the first in line, have all the toys to himself or have the most cake, but that wouldn’t always mean being polite. While these behaviors are tolerated at this age, it’s not too early to start molding that compassionate, tolerant adult you want to see in 15 years.

rule for the ages

The Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, is often thought to be a religious value.

While it is associated with a number of world religions, it really offers a lesson in empathy and tolerance and dates back centuries. We all want our kiddos to be compassionate individuals and empathy and tolerance aren’t genes we’re born with. Here are some tips to help teach your kiddo to care about other’s feelings and to embrace differences:

• start with momma Be the example of how to treat other people. Make sure you are talking to and about people the way you want them to talk to and about you!

• daily lessons Take advantage of daily situations to talk about treating other people properly and that differences don’t mean wrong or bad. When a situation arises, whether it be on TV, in a book or your child isn’t acting appropriately take the opportunity to first, identify the inappropriate behavior. Then help your child consider the other’s feelings and how they would feel if it happened to them. Lastly, explain what the correct behavior would be in the situation. And when your child asks you questions about diversity, answer his questions honestly. Talking openly about differences let’s your child know it is acceptable to notice such things, but you have the opportunity to address how to handle those differences with respect.

• rude influences Our preschoolers are exposed to rude behavior everywhere they turn. From the playground to TV, you don’t have to look hard to find a sassy, back talking example. You aren’t able to monitor every person that enters your preschooler's world, but you can monitor the shows they are watching. Just because it’s on Disney doesn’t mean it is appropriate for your child. Pay attention to the rude behavior you can control and make it unavailable!

[3–5 years]

a survey by Public Agenda found 84% of those surveyed believe a major cause of disrespect in American society today is too many parents failing to teach respect to children

big kids [6–9

So,you have been hammering into your big kid’s brain since the beginning of time, “What do you say?” Now your bid kid is ready for other forms of etiquette they can rely on forever.

please, thank you…now what?

Teaching proper manners is really about interacting with other people. It’s about showing an appreciation for words said, kind gestures demonstrated or gifts given. Here are four areas of etiquette you don’t want to forget:

• ahh…hum One of the hardest lessons for a child to learn—is waiting. Whatever is on their mind, they need to spew it RIGHT NOW! Help your child learn the art of un-interrupting:

Teach him what things deserve interrupting. Need a cookie? Don’t interrupt. Someone is hurt or the house is on fire? Yes, interrupt.

Teach your big kid that yelling, “MOM” isn’t the right way to get your attention. Teach him to wait for a pause in the conversation and then to say, “Excuse me.” Remember to acknowledge his good manners with a thank you even if you don’t address his request at that exact moment. When your big kid is interrupting make sure you don’t answer the request. Too often we will reprimand him and in the next breath answer his interrupting request. Instead, look your interrupting big kid in the eye and tell him you’ll be with him in a minute and make sure you mean it. Don’t forget!

• hi ya Teaching your big kid to properly greet someone is a valuable social skill. Using Hello, Good Morning, Good-Bye and Good Night are four simple greetings that go a long way. Stress the importance of making eye contact when greeting someone.

• you shouldn’t have A thank you note is a great way to help your big kid understand the importance of gratitude. Odds are your big kid is going to enjoy

the gift opening far more than the thank you note writing, but it is important and an excellent habit to instill. Explain that writing the note makes our loved one feel happy and it tells them we appreciate the time, effort and money spent on the gift. And no email! Write it out.

• ah shucks Another part of being a polite, well mannered individual is knowing how to respond to compliments. Teach your big kid to make eye contact, smile and simply say “Thank You.”

years]

a Good Housekeeping study found 42% of participants say they encounter rude behavior every day

Whenthe word respect comes up you might first be reminded of the Aretha Franklin hit…”r-e-sp-e-c-t, find out what it means to me.” Well what does it mean to you and your tween?

what is it

Respect is an attitude and a two way street. You have to respect and value yourself in order for others to respect

a survey conducted by Public Agenda found 60% of participants agreed that even when parents try to "raise their kids right," there are too many negative role models in society that teach kids to be disrespectful

you. Respect shouldn’t be confused with obedience nor should self-respect and self-esteem be interchanged. Obedience can come out of fear not respect. Respect is an understanding that you as the parent have your child’s best interests at heart. Self-respect is “a proper sense of one’s own dignity and integrity” while self-esteem is defined as “respect for or a favorable opinion of oneself” or “an unduly high opinion of oneself; vanity.” We want our tweens to think highly of themselves, but we want them to value the fact that they are unique and worthy rather than better than others and entitled.

So, how do we make sure our tweens have self-respect and show others respect? First we have to show them respect at home:

• my bad If you screwed up, admit it. And don’t forget to apologize too!

• I hear ya Be a good listener. Really listening to your tween shows you care about what they are saying.

• cross my heart Keep your promises. Show your tween you mean what you say.

• not so far Set limits. Yes, your tween is going to test boundaries, but be consistent and stand firm.

• thata boy When your tween exhibits respectful behavior, let them know you are proud of him.

Without respect for himself, peers, authority and so on, your tween is going to have a hard time being successful. Set expectations, model respectful behavior and take advantage of teaching moments every chance you get!

cell phone rudeness is the #1 complaint of diners

is inevitably a part of your teen’s life. From TV to video games to cell phones to social networking sites, technology is everywhere and a new gadget or website is introduced daily. But a rise in technology shouldn’t result in a decline in manners.

Technology

techno conduct

Seriously, have you seen how fast a teen can text? Their thumbs are flying around at the speed of light! Technology is a fast paced world of ever changing conveniences and it has changed the way we communicate. But you’re still the parent and just like you taught him to say please and thank you, you need to teach him technology etiquette as well:

• hang it up We see people everywhere talking on their cell phone or texting. Just because everyone is doing it doesn’t mean it is polite. Calling someone from the grocery store to answer a quick question is one thing, but to have a lengthy conversation in a coffee shop is not needed. Use common sense and teach your teen that in situations of face to face conversation, the phone doesn’t need to be brought out.

• email don’t Tone of voice is very important in a conversation, and you can’t inflict tone in an email so everything is up to interpretation. Trying to be funny or sarcastic might not come through in the typed words, so be safe and leave it out.

• be nice If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t text it or put it on facebook! Or if you wouldn’t

want someone texting or posting it about you, then don’t do it to them!

• clear consequences Discuss the punishment for breaking any of your technology rules and stand firm.

Yes, it is a different world for our teens than it was for us, but that doesn’t mean common courtesy and politeness are also a thing of the past. You can stay connected and have good manners.

Who is Sally?

She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.

tame the to-dolist

story by | dani parkos fluge

Ihavethis terrible fear that when I die, the only evidence representing my existence here will be the mountain of crossed off to-do lists on my desk, in my purse, on my phone and in several notebooks scattered throughout my house. I have always been such a to-do-er, that I’ve started to wonder what I'm DOING here at all!

Do you feel like getting ahead is some farfetched dream?

Do you often ask yourself, am I doing OK at work? Are we out of milk? Do I see my children enough? When is the deadline for skating sign-up? Did I pick up the dry cleaning? Am I giving my partner the attention our relationship needs and deserves? Did I shut off the flat iron? Do you ever feel like you are going in a hundred different directions, but not really going anywhere? Perhaps you're busy all day but have nothing to show for your busyness.

So what’s a gal to do? How do we keep it all straight and assure nothing gets missed or forgotten and keep our own sanity? Make a list of course! A list of grocery goodies, treks to Target, gifts to get, appointments to make/keep, the list goes on and on and on.

Except how do we find a happy medium, documenting all the important things we want/need to accomplish, yet being able to spend more time with the people in our life rather than the list that controls it? Here are a few tips I’ve found help keep my lengthy list in check:

pick 3-5 tasks from your to-do list

We add tasks to our lists at a much faster rate than we delete them. Looking at a large list can be distracting and overwhelming. Whether we want to believe it or not, it also interferes with your ability to focus on the task at hand. Pick only a few tasks you would like to hown in on for the day and write them on a separate piece of paper, a white board, an index card, in your planner or some other place that is separate from your big list. This will help you focus ONLY on those specific tasks.

minimize distractions

Everything and everyone is fighting for our attention. If you are trying to finish something and the phone rings, don't answer it [unless it is an emergency]. Save TV and internet surfing as rewards for completing the tasks you want to do. Use a timer to let your kids know when you

will be available to give them your full attention once you're finished, or get them involved in an activity or assign them their own task.

stop multi-tasking

You might be proud of the fact that you can multi-task; I know I was! I could make a pot of coffee, while talking on the phone, filling a sippy cup, and composing an email in my head. Problem is the coffee would be too weak, I vaguely could recall the details of the call, the cup was missing its plug resulting in a juice puddle on the floor and I couldn’t remember who I was sending an email to. Multi-tasking keeps your brain going in too many directions. Start and finish a task before you move on to the next one.

take breaks

I know; you’re probably thinking, “Take a break?! You haven’t seen my list!” But what if it made you more focused and productive? Just walk away and take fifteen to thirty minutes [or longer] to clear your mind and then get back to it.

accomplish list

Sometimes getting caught up in all there is to do can feel like we've accomplished nothing, but in reality you have done more than you give yourself credit for. At the end of the day, take a few minutes to reflect on your crossed off list and jot down everything else you did, including the number of diapers you changed, emails you replied to, calls you took, loads of laundry you did, or meals you made. Trust me, there is something about adding completed tasks to your list, just to cross them off. A checkmark, scribble or line indicates VICTORY! Focus more on what you did, instead of what you didn't do. I love to-do lists and I won’t be getting rid of mine anytime soon. But if there is anything I’ve learned from the juggling act of being a mom, wife, daughter, friend, business owner, and having a “have to do it all for everyone” mentality, is put your energy in the right place and give yourself the credit you deserve. The intention of our to-do list is to help us maintain some sanity and not to define who we are. So, from time to time ask yourself: Is there a list for missing out on life? Hmmm….I wonder.

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Not pictured: Blake Morrison, MD and Dr. Ian Weber, MD