June/July 2011 On the Minds of Moms

Page 66

www.onthemindsofmoms.com resource for today’s parent the valley’s modern june ∙ july twenty eleven
Moorhead 101 11th Street S 218-236-6333 Northport 2510 Broadway 701-293-5444 Village West 4101 13th Avenue S 701-282-6363 Express 1433 University Drive 701-237-9481 Southgate 1532 32nd Avenue S 701-280-1999 Osgood 4151 45th Street S 701-281-8111
contents shop talk apex physical therapy and wellness center 16 this and that red river valley fair: more than a carnival & cotton candy 18 resources lessons, classes & activities 20 gettin’ through it postpartum depression: more than just blues 22 did you know healthy steps: providing a healthier future 40 what’s on your mind? decorating 101: mama saver 54 just a thought untangling hair myths 58 ready, set, grow winning the battle 72 sections
64 contents
34 48 52 contents mom message 8 contributors 9 otmom list 10 event calendar 20 down the aisle 44 shutter bug 52 sally says 80 in every issue
contents 12 mod mom profile molly otto 12 mompreneur the source—salon & beauty supply 34 rad dad profile brian sokolofsky 48 cover story blessed beyond measure: jess rivers 64 feature & profiles

mom message

This issue marks a new OTMOM record…the most people ever on the cover! When we heard about Moorhead mom Jess Rivers and her tiny army of nine kiddos we had to find out more. Initially, we were so curious about how she just got it all done. At times two kids, a hubby and a house can seem daunting. We’re not proud of it, but there have been times when our homes have had more dirty dishes than clean and the only clean clothes to be found on Friday were the ones still in the dryer from when laundry started the previous Saturday! And of course we love our girls, but there are times we are ready to put ourselves on the curb holding a FREE sign. How in the world do you keep it all together [including your sanity] with nine?

Well, we learned all of that and more. We learned that there are nine very lucky little kids who have a mama that is sweet, super funny, sincere, has a strong faith and is down to earth. She knows that people are curious and some have a hard time wrapping their head around the size of her family. She gets that, but she isn’t judging any of us for only having one or two. So before you put Jess in the same category with Michelle Duggar and Kate Gosselin, remember there’s more to a book than it’s cover.

And finally with a hint of summer upon us, we encourage you to grab it with gusto and start making monster memories with those who make you a better you.

happy summer!

on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC

EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

COPY EDITOR Deb Uglem

ADVERTISING Karan Burley Ambuehl p: 701.367.5647

e: karan@onthemindsofmoms.com

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PHOTOGRAPHY Ria Czichotzki – rialee photography

Lindsey Johnson – rialee photography

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AD DESIGN Casie Beldo

Scott Thuen

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EDITORIAL CONTACT e: info@onthemindsofmoms.com

INFORMATION mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107

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COVER PHOTO BY Ria Czichotzki–rialee photography www.rialeephotography.com

OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT

dani

On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

Copyright 2011 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. On The Minds Of Moms is a trademark registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. Find Us On Facebook On The Minds Of Moms Follow Us On Twitter On Sally’s Mind Sign up for the eNewsletter on our website
On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

deb uglem

moorhead | mn

Raised in Finely, ND Deb has called Moorhead, MN her home for the last 10 years. Deb has been a stay-at-home mom since returning to the Fargo-Moorhead area. She graduated from Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications. She is excited about her newfound time to write and finds it a welcome distraction to her daily activities. Most daily to-do’s center around her four children’s sport and school activities. Jake [17], Tony [16], Nick [16] and Emily [14] keep both her and husband Tim running in several directions. During her free time you can find her putting in some road miles, spending time with friends, or on the golf course.

patricia carlson

dilworth | mn

Patricia Carlson is an award-winning journalist whose work spans magazines, television, radio, newspapers and the internet. She's produced, written, edited and directed programs for ESPN Radio, History Channel and Hallmark Channel. Patricia has worked as a television news reporter and currently is the Sunday morning news anchor at KFGO AM 790. She also is a regular contributor to several magazines based in the Midwest. When she's not writing, Patricia loves spending time with her baby girl and husband. You can view her work at www. patriciacarlsonfreelance.com

heather bjur

western | mn

Originally from northern Iowa, Heather [a UNI alum] and hubby, Chris [an NDSU alum] joke about having a friendly rivalry right in their own home. She currently practices marriage and family therapy out of her independent practice, Living Hope Counseling in Moorhead, and also at Valley Christian Counseling Center in Fargo. When she's not conducting therapy sessions, she's blowing bubbles and making sand pies in the backyard with her sweet boys, Elijah [3] and Ezra [1]. An avid baker and cook, her secret wish is to one day become the next Barefoot Contessa.

melissa tortorice

moorhead | mn

A first time contributor to OTMOM, Melissa is passionate about creative writing, decorating, and spending as much quality time at the lake as possible. Her creative writing came into full bloom with her blog that documents the daily trials and tribulations of being a full-time working mom with many little hands to entertain. Melissa, husband of 10 years Erik, and two little boys Anthony [7] and Alex [3], are expecting a new addition into their family in July, a little girl!

contributors
10 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com 98 the number of days between Memorial Day and Labor Day—summers unofficial bookends—33 of them are weekend days Don’t waste a single minute otmom list sources: shopsmart | styelist.com | vivisoriginalsauce.com | good housekeeping | parenting $50K the average amount a woman spends on her hair over a lifetime CLINICAL SPA • Facials • Microderms • Chemical peels • Laser hair & tattoo removal • Skin rejuvenation • Physician-injected Botox® Cosmetic & llers • Pharmaceutical-grade products with proven results & more! Luxury Care with Medical Expertise 1800 21st Ave. S Fargo, ND 58103 701.365.8700 catalystmedicalcenter.com

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A2005 Grand Forks [ND] Central High School graduate and the youngest sister of Randi, Jeni and Lindsey, Molly Otto has had a deep love for horses since she was a young girl Growing up in the city never detoured her from learning to ride and with the full support of her parents, she owned her first horse, Rio, at the age of fifteen This modern day cowgirl is currently a student at North Dakota State University majoring in Equine Studies and is also a barrel racer on the University’s Rodeo team Molly and her husband, Andy, along with their sons, Sterling Ryder [4] and Rowdy Colten [1½], enjoy rollerblading, biking and swimming, and together they share her dream of one day competing at the Wrangler National Finals Rodeo

photos: rialee photography | casie beldo

last song i sang to out loud…

You Are My Sunshine to my kids when they were pretending to play the guitar and be in a band. the store i frequent the most… definitely Wal-mart—you can get anything there! my girlfriends would tell you…

I’m friendly. I talk to everyone and like to laugh and joke around a lot. I think they would also say I’m a good listener and I try to pick the positive out of everything.

in ten years i picture myself…

mod mommollyotto age23,fargond

living on a beautiful ranch running my own horse breeding and training operation and more than likely hauling my kids to rodeos.

13 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms
I love every moment of my life

I’m addicted to… chips and salsa and Mt. Dew. five things always in my car… car seats, cowboy boots, band aids, horse documents, extra hats and gloves since you never know if it’s going to snow or be 80 degrees in North Dakota. my specialty mom meal… homemade Chicken Pot Pie. one thing that always makes me feel beautiful… definitely getting my hair done! Having good hair really makes me feel great.

mod mom

the household product i can’t live without… carpet cleaner. With two boys and a husband that spill everything they touch, it’s a must have. I always have extra… baby wipes. Great for face and hand clean-up for the kids and adults.

three words my sisters would use to best describe me… passionate, patient and strong.

as a young family we… spend hours at the barn caring for our six horses, riding and going to rodeos together. something i admire, but would never dare do… people who can sing! I have a horrible singing voice and would never sing in front of anyone but my husband and kids.

when i barrel race i always… pray to God asking him to give us courage, guide us through our run to ride hard and let us walk out of the arena safe and sound.

the biggest challenge of being a mom, student and riding competitively… finding the time for it all. Some days are easier than others, but I have an amazing family who support me and encourage me to go for my dreams. I love every moment of my life.

15 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com

baby your bottom

Thechanges a woman’s body experiences during pregnancy and after delivery can be amazing and overwhelming. I can say loud and clear, “I hear ya sista!” This empathy isn’t based solely on my background as a Pelvic Rehabilitation Physical Therapist, but I’m also anxiously anticipating the arrival of my first baby! Over the past months I have watched this wonderful [yet at times strange] transformation for myself and feel even more confident in my role helping women prepare their bodies for birth and restoring them to their pre-pregnancy status.

have you heard?

The information available to pregnant women is vast, helpful and readily available. However, the information on perineal or pelvic floor care during the prenatal and postnatal period is still limited, but the benefits are something every mommy-to-be needs to know about.

The pelvic floor, known collectively as the “bottom,” is a very important group of muscles that form a sling from the tailbone to the pubic bone and hold up all of your abdominal organs such as your bladder, uterus and intestines. During pregnancy, these muscles also help to support the added weight, while continuing to help

maintain continence [bowel and bladder control]. With that said exercising your pelvic floor is as important as the cardio and strength training exercises you do for the rest of your body!

Having a strong pelvic floor will help with symptoms of incontinence, circulation and pelvic pressure that occur during lifting, sneezing, coughing, etc. Exercising your bottom will also prepare your body for effective pushing during labor and the control you gain of these muscles may also allow relaxation of the pelvic floor during childbirth which allows easier passage of the infant. Proper care of your bottom can be very helpful in limiting the amount of trauma sustained in childbirth, as well as speeding up the recovery process post-natal.

squeeze what?

Specialized Physical Therapists are the experts in helping women exercise their bottoms effectively. Using Kegels, which involve squeezing and relaxing the same muscles used during urination [more specifically, the muscles involved in stopping urine midstream] and learning to identify the muscles of your bottom can reduce straining and the incidences of trauma to your bottom pre- and postnatal. While you may have already tried this sort of exercise, research has shown that

16 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com shop talk

unless properly instructed, it is commonly performed incorrectly. Seeking proper supervision by a trained professional is recommended as they can also help you with perineal massage and stretching techniques. now what?

After birth, your “bottom” will need some recovery time before returning to your pre-pregnancy lifestyle. Gentle Kegel exercises should be started soon after childbirth to assist with healing of any tearing or episiotomy scarring, restoring pelvic floor function and assisting with lifting your new bundle of joy as you transition to motherhood. There are many postnatal exercise programs that help women get their waistlines back, but finding the right one for each individual’s needs is very important. A physical therapist is a great resource to consult with about a customized exercise program and add in some soothing bottom care.

Smile Pretty

Brooke Erstad, PT, DPT and Apex Physical Therapy & Wellness Center are proud to offer their Women’s Health & Pelvic Rehabilitation Program to all men, women, and children with issues relating to the pelvic floor. Brooke and Apex Physical

Therapy & Wellness Center will be happy to consult with you about your exercise program or if you would like to make a pre-natal or post-natal consultation appointment, call today and find out if physical therapy is right for your condition.

550 13th Ave E, West Fargo 701.373.0899

brooke@apexptwellness.com www.apexptwellness.com

Brooke Erstad

Co-founder of Apex Physical Therapy and Wellness Center in West Fargo, Brooke has her doctorate in Physical Therapy and is currently the area’s only recipient of the Certificate of Achievement in Pelvic Physical Therapy [CAPP]. She has a strong passion for working with women and provides customized treatment plans based on each patient’s needs. Brooke enjoys running, judging gymnastics, scrapbooking, watching husband Bryan’s baseball & softball games and spending time snuggling her baby boy Blake, born just this past April.

Paul Bothun, D.D.S. William Olson, D.D.S. Heidi Stevens, D.D.S. Amanda Vesterso, D.D.S. Eric Steele, D.D.S.

17 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com
shop talk
Smile Pretty Dakota Dental Associates DDA 4000 17th Ave. S. | Grand Forks Smile Pretty Just like Mom, at Dakota Dental we know the importance of a hug and a Healthy Smile. 42nd St. 17th Ave. we are here!

rrvf:

Since1904, the Red River Valley Fair [RRVF] has been a festival of fun for adults and children alike. Over a hundred years of memories filled with visions of Ferris wheels, huge stuffed animals, candy apples, cows, horses, corn dogs and most importantly laughs and smiles. Today, the RRVF offers a ton of family/kid friendly events and exhibits making it a must-attend summer adventure July 8–16 and here’s why:

i-spy a farmer!

Living in the heart of the Red River Valley means your kiddos can ID a tractor and cow with the best of them. The Ag Education Center offers an opportunity to have some fun and learn more about our regions livestock and farming industry. Located in a 16,000 square foot building, country dwellers and city slickers will enjoy watching baby chickens hatch, touching live animals and learning how they are raised. In a nutshell, the Ag Education Center is a place where fun and learning are intertwined. They both happen without either getting in the way of the other!

books worth the price of admission!

Promoting literacy in our region is something we can all agree is very important and the RRVF has a great way to

entice some summer reading with their Read and Win program. Participating kiddos [ages 6-11] read ten books and return the application before June 24th. In turn, the RRVF will send them a ribbon bookmark, one gate admission ticket and a coupon for free popcorn in the 4H Building! So start reading and find your application on the RRVF website.

pirates, snakes and a farmer…oh my!

There are some truly amazing ground acts happening throughout the day, every day of the Fair. And did we mention they are free with your gate admission? Yeah, FREE!

• dueling pirates Be prepared to be amazed by the death defying Dueling Pirates! Performed 70-feet in the air, you’ll witness the high dive, fire dive, tumbling and trampoline, along with small pyrotechnics. All of this is sure to take your breath away! Daily shows at 1pm, 3pm, 5pm and 7pm with an additional Noon show on Saturday and Sunday.

• reptile adventures Love you some reptiles? This is the place for you. The virtual reptile exhibit will be open daily 11am–8pm. Danny Conner, the owner of Reptile Adventures, has been keeping and caring for reptiles for over 30 years. He’ll be giving demonstrations daily at 1:45pm, 3:45pm and 5:45pm.

18 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com this and that
more than a carnival & cotton candy

• zerebko’s petting zoo Take a break from the heat, explore and get hands-on with some zebras, goats, llamas and camels. You can pet and even feed them! Open daily 11am–8pm.

• thank a farmer A combination of humor, magic and knowledge, the Thank a Farmer show is a fun format celebrating the importance farmers have in our daily lives. This phenomenal magic show, juggling and educating will not disappoint. There will be daily shows at 2:30pm, 4:30pm and 6:30pm.

more, more & more!

And with everything we’ve mentioned there is even more! 4H exhibits, the Bale Maze, Day Camp for 2nd5th graders to learn the behind the scenes of the Fair, Vendor Mall, numerous contest and grandstand acts. So, mark your calendar, schedule some fun and create family memories at the Red River Valley Fair July 8–16!

Check out everything the RRVF has to offer and save some cha-ching with these money saving promotions:

• The Mega Pass is the best bang for your buck! It includes nine days of gate admission, nine days of carnival rides and nine days of grandstand entertainment! It’s $50 in June and then goes up to $60 in July

• FREE gate admission 11am–1pm, Monday through Friday  Save some money on admission and have lunch at the Fair!

• The Daily Ride Pass includes gate admission, carnival rides and grandstand shows for one day  Get yours for $20 at any area Stop N Go store or $25 on the grounds!

• Two for Tuesday [July 12th] is the Fair’s BOGO Buy one gate admission at full price, get one free! You can also purchase the Daily Ride Pass [on the grounds] and get one free!

• Dollar Day is Wednesday, July 13th from 1pm–5pm  Gate Admission and carnival rides are only $1 along with select food items at the concession stands  Stay for the evening car racing show in the grandstand, which is FREE once you are on the grounds

19 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com
Want an education for your child with something MORE? Oak Grove Lutheran School offers an academic curriculum in a Christian environment for students in Pre-K thru Grade 12 Small class sizes, relationships, a focus on service and extra-curricular activities are the heart of the Oak Grove experience. Scholarships and nancial aid are available. Call today! Call 701.373.7114 or visit www.oakgrovelutheran.com Two Fargo locations! Grades 6-12 • 124 North Terrace Pre-K – Grade 5 • 2720 32nd Avenue South Apply now for fall 2011! Oak Grove - april-may 11 On the 1 1 3/21/2011 3:36:07 PM Living Hope Counseling, LLC Infertility, Post-Partum Depression, Marital Counseling, Fertility Education 218.329.2048 heatherbjur@gmail.com livinghopecounseling.wordpress.com 2801 Village Green blvd Moorhead, MN 56560 Heather Bjur MA, LAMFT Marriage & Family Therapist

lessons, classes & activities

sport & fitness

Fargo Basketball Academy We teach basketball to children of all ages and abilities. We offer summer 2-day clinics, weekly sessions, private lessons and team training. Visit us at www.fargobasketball.com, email info@fargobasketball. com or call 701.356.5666

Wild Knights CrossFit Offering personal training for all ages in a group setting for anyone regardless of fitness level. CrossFit Kids teaches functional movements with a 6wk summer session for age groups 3-6, 7-10, 11-teens. CrossFit Moms is for women planning on being pregnant, currently pregnant or postpartum. CrossFit Endurance is for any endurance athlete who wants to get an edge over the competition. For more information, www.hitechgym.com/wildknights, www.hitechgym.com/wildknightskids, 706.399.0614

American Gold Gymnastics Offering classes for kids ages 18 months to 18 years. Classes develop physical awareness, work on coordination, balance, listening skills, fine and gross motor skills and incorporate lots of fun! Summer classes available June 6-30 & July 11-4. Competitive camp: June 3-5. For more information, www.americangoldgymnastics. com or 701.280.0400

music

Colin's Guitar Lessons Guitar lessons for beginning through advanced students, electric or acoustic guitar in any musical style. All lessons are individualized one on one. Colin has been providing professional guitar instruction since 1988! For more information, 701.232.5977, www. ColinsGuitarLessons.com, colincblaine@hotmail.com

Music Therapy in Motion Offering quality Music Therapy services provided by Nationally Board Certified Music Therapists in Fargo-Moorhead, Grand Forks, Bismarck & surrounding areas. We strive to help individuals achieve the maximum level of functioning through musical experiences. Offering music services for individuals with Special Needs, NICU/premature babies, Music w/ Mommy and Me classes [in utero or post delivery], Oncology, Palliative, Hospice, Adolescents, Geriatrics, Adaptive Music Lessons for special needs, Children's Move and Groove Music Classes. Sessions, lessons and classes are held in home, in clinic, or at central locations. For more information in Fargo-Moorhead contact Anna 701.371.3506, Grand Forks & Bismarck contact Emily 218.791.0908

Kiddy Keys Come join the fun! Piano Preparation and Music Education Classes for Children ages 3 to 5 years. Classes starting this summer and also in the fall. Anne is a State & Nationally certified piano teacher who has been teaching private piano lessons for over 30 years. For more information, 701.280.2089, www.kiddykeys.com or morrisan@cableone.net

Children's Music Academy A broad-based music education program teaching 4-7 year olds in a creative, positive, nonpressured environment, giving each child the opportunity to love & appreciate music while developing fundamental musical skills. FREE Introductory Class - August 9 & 11 at 6:15pm [RSVP required]. For more information or to register for Fall classes, contact Jackie at 701.771.0116 or jackiezwingel@ hotmail.com, www.childrensmusicacademy.org

keepin’ kiddos movin’, groovin’ & havin’ fun!

dance

Casselton Just For Kix A local dance program for children ages 3 through 12th grade. Classes run from September through April and all groups perform a minimum of 4 times per year. Currently accepting registration for upcoming Fall classes. For more information visit www.justforkix.com/ danceclasses/casselton_nd or contact Kayla at 701.347.5991 or casselton_nd@justforkix.com

Red River Dance & Performance Company We promote & support the art of dance through professional and creative instruction, choreography & performance. We strive to provide a safe & fun learning environment that stimulates students to achieve their personal best. Space still available for our Summer sessions as well as this Fall. For more information, www.redriverdance.com, 701.280.0004, info@redriverdance.com

Dilworth-Glyndon-Felton Just For Kix Dance Classes

Offering dance classes for ages 2.5 years old through Adults. Core [Kick], Jazz, Ballet, Hip Hop, Lyrical and Adult. Classes run from September through April and are held at the Dilworth Community Center on Tuesdays. To register or get more information visit www.justforkix.com or contact director Amanda Kretchman at dgf_mn@justforkix.com or 701.371.2853

Gaspers School of Dance and Performing Arts We are the FM Area’s premier dance school with a 30 year reputation of quality, passionate, healthy, nurturing dance environment where you can grow as a performing artist. Whether you are a beginner or a seasoned professional GSDPA is the place to be. Offering Ballet, Jazz, Tap, Modern, Hip Hop, Lyrical & Ballroom as well as fitness class like Zumba, Zumba Tone, Positive Motion, Cardio Karate, Circuit training, for as low as $5 per class to help you reach your fitness goals. For more info, www.gaspersschoolofdance.com, info@gaspersschoolofdance.com, 701.234.9440

Helping individuals Using music to help those with special needs and physical illness achieve Dreams. one beat at a time! Offering the following programs in homes, clinics, or central locations: * Music with Mommy & Me Classes * Adaptive Music Lessons for special needs * Children’s Move & Groove Music Classes * All programs directed by Nationally Board Certified Music Therapists Fargo-Moorhead contact Anna at 701-371-3506 g rand Forks & Bis M arck contact Emily at 218-791-0908 music tH erapy in motion loving. learning. growing. elim children’s center 701.271.1810 3534 University Dr S www.elimcare.org/facilities/ecc-fargo a ministry of elim care Fargo, ND • Christian learning center with dedicated teachers • Serving children ages 2 thru pre-K • School age summer program loving. learning. growing. $2 off a haircut 701.364.0909 www.lilwhippersnippers.com Corner of 32nd Ave & 25th St S Fargo’s #1 Kid’s Salon A place w here we wor k wi th the to ha ve grea t, tear-free hair cuts!
photo: thuen design | scott thuen

postpartum depression: more than just blues

“I didn’t even want to go to Target because I was so tempted to drive right off the road. It was then I decided we probably shouldn’t have any more kids.” Kirsten, mother of 2, Moorhead

“All I could do was cry and envision throwing my baby at the wall.” Heather, mother of 2, Hawley

“The anger was so intense I just wanted to throw the TV remote through the glass doors in my living room, knowing it really wouldn’t hurt anybody, but it might make me feel better.”

Does this sound horrifying…does this sound familiar?

gettin’ through it

Postpartum depression can be an ugly monster. The drastic changes in hormones during those first days and weeks after giving birth to that little bundle of joy can send a new mother reeling and wondering why she’s not filled with elation and excitement. She might think, “I’ve been waiting to be a mom my whole life, and THIS is what it’s like? Are you kidding me?!”

ppd facts

Postpartum depression [PPD] is more than just the “baby blues.” Seventy to 85% of women experience baby blues in the first ten days after giving birth. They also are much more temporary and don’t tend to impair functioning as compared to PPD. The symptoms of PPD are intense and can even include psychotic features in addition to the typical symptoms of depression, which are:

• depressed mood

• loss of interest or pleasure in nearly all activities

• decreased energy

• changes in appetite, weight or sleep

• feelings of worthlessness or guilt

• difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions

• recurrent thoughts of death or suicidal ideation, plans or attempts

PPD sufferers also report intense mood swings and/or anger. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders [July 2000, text revision] includes symptoms of:

preoccupation with infant well-being, the intensity of which may range from over-concern to frank delusions. The presence of severe ruminations or delusional thoughts about the infant is associated with a significantly increased risk of harm to the infant.

For women with a prior history of depression or other mood disorders, the incidence of PPD is higher, unfortunately. It also tends to run in families—for example, if your mother experienced PPD, your chances are greater. Some experts believe the onset of PPD can happen anywhere from immediately after birth until the child’s first birthday, although the American Psychiatric Association indicates that onset must occur within the first four weeks after birth to qualify as PPD. Regardless of when it began, once a woman has had

24 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com meetKaran The ‘go to’ person for advertising with OTMOM Give her a call! Karan Burley Ambuehl Karan@OnTheMindsOfMoms.com 701.367.5647
Skin! Center forHair and Wellness gettin’ through it
Luminous

it, the risk of reoccurrence increases by 30–50% [some sources say up to 90%] with each subsequent birth.

also be thankful we live in the day of modern medicine with some very good options available:

• medication Many antidepressants are available by prescription, but if that’s not a route you’d like to go, as many breastfeeding moms don’t care to take medication while nursing, there are other avenues you can explore.

ppd healing

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Wow, so THAT’S what I was going through?!” know that you’re not alone and you’re not crazy either. Many women struggle in silence, either out of fear or a genuine apprehension about admitting to someone that they feel awful or have had thoughts of harming their baby. Either way, walking this path alone can make the situation more intense. By talking to your health care provider, counselor, trusted friend, or all three, the simple act of getting it out in the open can bring some relief immediately. You can

• vitamin d The “sunshine vitamin,” has everyone talking about its benefits. We all have heard that no one gets enough of it, especially in this part of the country, since our summer months with direct sunlight are so short. Vitamin D is also found in many foods, including milk, but as Renee Johnson, RN, says, “Vitamin D is the one vitamin that we simply can’t get enough of through food.” Talk with your doctor about dosages if you plan on taking a supplement, especially if you’re breastfeeding. Some women are finding they no longer have to rely on antidepressants after starting a regimen of Vitamin D.

25 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com
gettin’ through it
for women with a prior history of depression or other mood disorders, the incidence of ppd is higher

• progesterone therapy A third option is doctorprescribed progesterone therapy, something that many clinicians are not aware of, but that often brings relief in within hours. More information about progesterone for PPD may be found at www.naprotechnology.com/depression.htm.

Always talk to your doctor about any new treatment, as this article does not serve as a supplement or alternative for health care.

your partner

Another great resource can be your husband or significant other. He knows you better than anyone and should be put on “mood duty” as a kind of monitor for you. You might not sense that you’re heading downhill until you’re really low, but someone looking in from the outside can see it before it goes too far. Ask him to keep an eye on you and be sure to take him seriously if he brings the subject up. He might say, “Honey, you seem really angry today, I’m wondering if we should call the doctor.” If he says this, listen to him and don’t get defensive; take his words to heart. He cares about you and your child and probably wouldn’t say something unless he was concerned.

advice for the significant other witnessing ppd

PPD can put stress on your relationship…a relationship that is already stressed due to the birth of a baby. Often couples report that the birth of their first child is the single-most challenging event of their lives to that point. This can be a tumultuous time; however, it is important to remember this is just a season. Winter isn’t forever… spring always follows. Most things in life are easier to get through when thought of in those terms.

Help the new mommy get enough rest—most women will report that they are more able to deal with life when they’ve had some sleep. That unsolicited advice you received from 23 people the week the baby was born, “Sleep when the baby sleeps,” is actually really, really good advice…for all three of you! Make sure there is extra help if needed; hire someone to clean the house if that’s what it takes. Make sure to get some “couple time” in, too. If baby goes to bed early, rent a movie, pop some popcorn and take a break…together! Be sure to get out of the house, also—it’s okay to have grandma or a trusted friend watch the baby for a couple hours.

26 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com Providing tax, nancial and business services year-round to improve your total nancial wellbeing! Call today for a Free initial consultation. 701-365-0319 Aimee Schwartzwalter, CPA 825 28th Street S, Suite D, Fargo www.accounting4success.com Southpointe Mall 3120 S 25th St, Fargo www.mommysmaternity.com 701.232.4972   Latest Trends in Maternity Clothing  Baby Books, Gifts & Clothing  Nursing Bras & Accessories  Much, Much More! more than you’re expecting!
gettin’ through it

next time…

If you’ve experienced PPD before and are gearing up for another birth, there are several things you can do to prepare for a possible second round:

• tell the doc Make sure to inform your health care provider that you experienced PPD with your first birth. Let them know what your symptoms were, the severity, whether you sought treatment and if that treatment was successful or not.

• talk to a friend Tell someone close to you. Your partner probably already knows, but if you’re not one to talk about things like this openly, choose to confide in a close friend on whom you can rely, if need be. You might want to make sure this person could come over with little notice if you’re really struggling or if you need a break for a little while.

• accept help If people offer to help with meals or childcare for the older sibling[s]…let them! This is one time where you need to take all the help you can get! If you’ve hired a doula, ask her about post-partum services. Some will even come to your house and make meals or clean. It’s something that can be included in your contract.

• fun therapy With the help of your significant other or your friends, plan some fun activities like a pedicure, coffee out with some other moms, a new haircut, etc. Plan something that will energize, not drain you. If you’re not an extrovert, coffee with several other women could be draining or even overwhelming, but a pedicure with your sister could be just the ticket. If you are energized by being around others, make sure you do more than just read a book at the park by yourself; call some friends and have lunch together.

a final word

If you know that something is just not right and things aren’t getting better no matter what you do, don’t be afraid to call your doctor or a therapist. Trained professionals are here to help and it does not mean that you are weak or that you can’t handle life; sometimes we just need an outside perspective to help us get back on track. Of utmost importance, however, is if you believe you might be in danger of harming yourself or your child, call for help immediately. Arm yourself with information and support and it will make getting through what you’re going through a lot less challenging!

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27 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com
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june events

7, 14, 21 & 28

Park It!

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Meet the Xcellent Art teacher at the park & create take home arts & crafts 1-4pm. This is a FREE event. June 7th @ Elephant Park [100 19th Ave N, Fargo], 14th @ Clara Barton Park [1451 6 St S, Fargo], 21st @ Trollwood Park [3664 Elm St N, Fargo] & 28th @ Madison Park [3010 11th Ave N, Fargo].

8, 15, 22 & 29

Community Block Party

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Meet your neighbors at this fun family event 5:30–8pm. Sing your favorite karaoke song, play on inflatable games, take home a craft project and get your face painted. Enjoy free food while supplies last. June

8th @ Village West Park [4415 9th Ave Circle S, Fargo] & 15th @ Madison Park [3010 11th Ave N, Fargo], 22nd @ Rheualt Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] & 29th @ Courts Plus [3491 S University Dr, Fargo].

8–12 RibFest 2011

www.fargoribfest.com

Great food, live entertainment & fun for the whole family. Riblet Fest for the kiddos offers free admission from 11am–2pm June 11th.

9

Community Play Day

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Take a FREE Play Day at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 9–11am & 1–3pm! Play yard games, do a take home craft, climb on the playground & move to music outside in the sunshine!

11

The Jack Attck on SMA

www.fsma.org/jackattack

Head to Lindenwood Park for Round 7 of The Jack Attack & help us develop a treatment & cure for Spinal Muscular Atrophy! Registration begins at 9am with the walk starting at 10am. $15 for adults, kids 13 & younger FREE. Remember, we walk RAIN or SHINE! 100% of proceeds raised go directly to help find a treatment or cure for SMA. Together we will "KNOCKOUT SMA!"

13

Fargo Rock Concert

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Punk, Rock, Metal! Two bands! Three different nights! All ages welcome & it’s FREE! Get your friends and come out to see the areas up and coming musicians at Dike West, 7–9pm.

14

Care for Kids Thunder Road

701.234.6620

www.sanfordhealth.org/ about/foundation

Enjoy a day at Thunder Road Family Fun Park & support the Children's Miracle Network! Tickets will be sold for a discounted price & half of all proceeds will help Children’s Miracle Network Hospital in Fargo.

14 RiverArts

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Celebrate summer at RiverArts in Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead] from 5:308:30pm! Bring the whole family for an outdoor concert, horse drawn carriage rides, shopping, farmers market & kid’s activities. FREE admission.

16

Car

Seat 101 for Expectant Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30–8:00pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

16

Infertility Support Group for Women

218.329.2048

www.livinghopecounseling.wordpress.com

The group, meeting at 7:30–8:45pm, will focus on educating and supporting women through the often uncharted waters of infertility—grief, anger, dealing with everyday life issues that are unique to infertility, ways to be proactive about the waiting process, dealing with doctor's appointments, etc. Call Heather Bjur with Living Hope Counseling at 218.329.2048 for more information & to register.

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28 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven
893-PURE puredcrehab.com 893-PURE puredcrehab.com Dr. Brad Feldner ACRB Level 1

17

Midwest Kid Fest & Teddy Bear

Parade

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] will be filled with music, laughter & bright colors 11am-7pm as children play & learn. Bring a teddy bear to the Dike West Parking Lot and begin the day with a march in the parade starting at 10:30am. All activities are free!

18

Tour de Cure

1.888.DIABETES (342-2383)

www.tour.diabetes.org

Start a chain reaction and join the American Diabetes Association as we cycle for a cure this summer! The Tour de Cure is a ride, not a race, with routes designed for everyone from the avid cyclist to the recreational rider

18 & 25

Town Square Farmers Market

218.779.1382

www.tsfarmersmarket.com

Every Saturday, June 18-September 24, the Town Square [3rd St & DeMers Ave in Downtown Grand Forks] will be filled with a variety of vendors selling everything from fresh produce & homebaked goods to handmade jewelry & clothing.

21

Sooner Than You Think...

701.237.5902

www.makeasoundchoice.com

Head to the Holiday Inn, Fargo at 7:00pm for the opportunity to listen to Mary Flo Ridley discuss simple answers to challenging questions. Mary uses age appropriate content, encourages parents with a positive appropriate content, encourages parents with a positive approach to determine what they want their children to know about sex and inspires and equips parents to become your child's loving authority and resource on sexual matters. This is a FREE community event sponsored by Make a Sound Choice, a positive youth development program of FirstChoice Clinic.

21

CPR for Family & Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Participants will learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction, and will receive an American Heart Association participation card at Sanford Health [1711 University Dr S, Fargo] 6-9pm. Preregistration required.

22

Wild West Jamboree

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Enjoy a Rootin’ Tootin’ good time of activities including music with “The Roosters,” free carriage rides, gunny sack races, barrel car rides, a petting zoo, roping demos, face painting & other western games at Rendezvous Park [1055 32nd Ave W, West Fargo] 5:30–7:30pm. Pony rides will be offered for $2. New York Life will be printing Child I.D. cards for each parent or guardian free of charge. Hotdogs, chips and beverage will be available for $1.00. Bring your lawn chair or blanket.

24 & 25

Scandanavian Hjemkomst Festival

218.299.5452

www.nordiccultureclubs.org

Celebrate all things Scandanavian at the 34th annual Scandanavian Festival at the Hjemkomst Center [202 1st Ave N, Moorhead], 10am-5:30pm. $10 for adults, 18 & under free.

25

Reel Movies for Real Needs

701.461.8902

www.marcustheatres.com

Sometimes it is difficult or uncomfortable

for families with special needs children to attend movies together. Century Cinema offers a welcoming and comfortable environment—lower sound, lights up—where families with children who need accommodations will be able to share the experience of seeing family friendly films at a theatre. Be there at 10:30am to see Cars 2!

27

Movie Night

701.241.8160

www.fargoparks.com

Come to Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] at dusk for some fun in the park at the annual Summer Movie Nights! Free Pepsi & popcorn while supplies last.

28

Neighborhood Park Party

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Join your neighbors for a party in the park at Morningside Park [455 Oakway, Moorhead] 6–8pm! Join Moorhead Parks and Recreation for music, games, crafts, face painting, balloon sculpting, and playing in the Games Galore Bounce-N-Slide. FREE admission!

29 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com
closets pantries laundry rooms garages 701.200.8770 Ursula Hegvik, Owner www.SmartSpacesFargo.com ! and more Homes Built for a Lifetime of Stories. A builder you can trust, a home you deserve. This beautiful storybook home is available at 5574 Sunflower Lane in Osgood. 701.866.4440 events event calendar | june

2, 9, 16, 23 & 30

Town Square Farmers Market

218.779.1382

www.tsfarmersmarket.com

Every Saturday, June 18–September 24, the Town Square [3rd St & DeMers Ave in Downtown Grand Forks] will be filled with a variety of vendors selling everything from fresh produce & homebaked goods to handmade jewelry & clothing.

4

Grand Cities Fun 4th & Fireworks

701.746.0052

Enjoy an Independence Day celebration in Downtown Grand Forks filled with tons of fun events including a kiddie parade, games, prize giveaways, concessions, live entertainment & an amazing fireworks display over the Red River.

4

MSUM 4th of July Celebration

218.236.2011

www.mnstate.edu/july4/events/

Proud to be an American? MSUM's annual celebration at Nemzek Hall will not disappoint. Events kick off at 8am with a 5K, 10K & kid's run, followed by parades, music,

food & family fun. Evening entertainment begins at 7:30pm with fireworks display at dusk. For more event info, visit online.

5 & 21

CPR for Family & Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Participants will learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction, and will receive an American Heart Association participation card at Sanford Health [1711 University Dr S, Fargo] 6–9pm. Preregistration required.

6, 13 & 20

Family Fun Concert

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Here’s your chance to bring the whole family out to the park & be entertained with lively music from local bands. There will be arts and crafts, face painting, a bouncy castle and great music. These FREE concerts will be from 7pm–8:30pm July

6th @ Roosevelt Park, July 13th @ Village West Park, & July 20th @ Trollwood Park.

7 & 21

Infertility Support Group for Women

218.329.2048

www.livinghopecounseling.wordpress.com

The group, meeting at 7:30–8:45pm on the 1st & 3rd Thursday of the month, will focus on educating and supporting women through the often uncharted waters of infertility—grief, anger, dealing with everyday life issues that are unique to infertility, ways to be proactive about the waiting process, dealing with doctor's appointments, etc. Call Heather Bjur with Living Hope Counseling at 218.329.2048 for more information & to register.

7 Community Play Day

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Take a FREE Play Day at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 9–11am & 1–3pm!

Play yard games, do a take home craft, climb on the playground & move to music outside in the sunshine!

7, 14, 21 & 28 Farmers' Market & Beyond

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Fresh produce, berries, herbs, meats, jellies, flowers, hand-crafted items & agriculture products will be available for purchase 4–7pm at the South Elmwood Park parking lot [500 13th Ave W, West Fargo].

8–16

Red River Valley Fair

800.456.6408

www.redrivervalleyfair.com

It's that time again! Nine days of family fun at the fair. For daily events check online.

9

B.L.A.S.T Babysitter's Day Camp

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

The initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper changing techniques, also learn about when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

30 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
It’s Time to Play! www.RedRiverValleyFair.com July 8 - 16 2011 RED RIVER VALLEY FAIR WEST FARGO, ND • Ag Education Center • Thank a Farmer Magic Show • Petting Zoo • Free Stage All Day
july events

11, 12 & 14

Fantastic Fantasy Safari

701.232.3821

www.plainsart.org

Kiddos entering grades 2–5, be megainspired by the HUGE artwork in the Big Country: FMVA Scale the Plains exhibition. Your fearless camp leader will be Big Country artist Kaylyn Gerenz, who will guide you through the adventurous process of creating fantastical animals in various media, 9am–Noon.

12

RiverArts

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Celebrate summer at RiverArts in Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead] from 5:30–8:30pm! Bring the whole family for an outdoor concert, horse drawn carriage rides, shopping, farmers market & kid’s activities. FREE admission.

12 & 14

Waterama

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Spend an afternoon having fun with water Noon–3pm @ Island Park Pool on July 12th & Madison Pool on July 14th! Play

water games, join in contests & win prizes at this FREE event. There will be a bubble area for children ages 5 & under.

14–16

Fargo Downtown Street Fair

701.241.1570

www.fmdowntown.com

Check out area artist and crafters in ND's largest FREE event. Booths open at 10:00am.

16

Reel Movies for Real Needs

701.461.8902

www.marcustheatres.com

Sometimes it is difficult or uncomfortable for families with special needs children to attend movies together.Century Cinema offers a welcoming and comfortable environment—lower sound, lights up— where families with children who need accommodations will be able to share the experience of seeing family friendly films at a theatre. Be there at 10:30am to see Winnie The Pooh!

18

Fargo Rock Concert

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Punk, Rock, Metal! Two bands! Three different nights! All ages welcome & it’s

FREE! Get your friends and come out to see the areas up and coming musicians at Dike West, 7–9pm.

19-23

Cinderella-the World's Favorite Fairy Tale

219.299.3314

www.gooseberryparkplayers.org

Gooseberry Park Players present a pop musical version of “Cinderella—the World’s Favorite Fairy Tale”. Recommended for all ages, head to the Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre on the campus of Concordia College in Moorhead July 19–23 at 7:00pm & July 23 & 24 at 1:00pm.

21

Watermelon Festival

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Come out for an afternoon of fun, sun, and watermelon at Gooseberry Park [100 22nd Ave S, Moorhead] from 2–4pm! Fresh watermelon will be served while supplies last, Games Galore inflatable games, face painting, balloon sculpting, games & much more. FREE admission.

24

German Folk Fest

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Dance & socialize with an authentic German Band at Rheault Farm 11am–5pm with additional German American stage performances held throughout the day. Explore German displays, presentations & crafts. FREE admission.

26

Neighborhood Park Party

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Join your neighbors for a party in the park at Ridgewood Park [1818 31st St S, Moorhead] 6–8pm! Join Moorhead Parks and Recreation for music, games, crafts, face painting, balloon sculpting, and playing in the Games Galore Bounce-N-Slide. FREE admission!

27 Furball

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Enjoy the tastes of local restaurants & support the Red River Zoo at their 10th Annual fundraiser, 6–11pm.

31 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com
events event calendar | july
Dam ChiropraCtiC Dr. Van Dam Scott A. Chiropractic p hysician & Certified a cupuncturist 701-280-2599 2701 9th ave SW, Suite 800 Fargo, nD 58103 (located in origin Chiropractic physicians) www.vandamchiropractic.com For p eople Who… have sandbagged, are training for a marathon, have headaches, were in an accident, hurt their back, a n D Want to F eel better! True LEARNING begins by asking questions. When it comes to your child’s education, question everything. Class sizes. Academic offerings. Extracurricular activities. Test scores. School safety. The truth begins with you. Contact us today! 701.446.1000 www.fargo.k12.nd.us
Van

august events

3

The Wiggles Big Birthday

701.777.4379

www.theralph.com

You got kiddos crazy for the Fab Four from down under? Well, head to the Ralph Engelstad Arena and catch the Wiggles and their Big Birthday party! Show starts at 6:30pm.

3

Family Fun Concert

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Here’s your chance to bring the whole family out to the park & be entertained with lively music from local bands. There will be arts and crafts, face painting, a bouncy castle and great music. These FREE concerts will be from 7–8:30pm @ Island Park.

4

Car Seat 101 for Expectant

Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for

expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30–8:00pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

4 & 23

CPR for Family & Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Participants will learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction, and will receive an American Heart Association participation card at Sanford Health [1711 University Dr S, Fargo] 6–9pm. Preregistration required.

4 & 18

Infertility Suport Group for Women

218.329.2048

www.livinghopecounseling.wordpress.com

The group, meeting at 7:30–8:45pm on the 1st & 3rd Thursday of the month, will focus on educating and supporting women through the often uncharted waters of infertility—grief, anger, dealing with everyday life issues that are unique to infertility, ways to be proactive about the waiting process, dealing with doctor's

appointments, etc. Call Heather Bjur with Living Hope Counseling at 218.329.2048 for more info & to register.

4, 11, 18 & 25

Farmers' Market & Beyond

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Fresh produce, berries, herbs, meats, jellies, flowers, hand-crafted items & agriculture products will be available for purchase 4–7pm at the South Elmwood Park parking lot [500 13th Ave W, West Fargo].

6-12

PGI Fireworks Convention

701.282.2200

www.pgi.org/convention/2011/ The general public may purchase tickets to view the amazing fireworks displays presented by the Pyrotechnics Guild International. Nightly shows. Check event website for specifics.

6 Reel Movies for Real Needs 701.461.8902

www.marcustheatres.com

Sometimes it is difficult or uncomfortable for families with special needs children to

attend movies together.Century Cinema offers a welcoming and comfortable environment—lower sound, lights up— where families with children who need accommodations will be able to share the experience of seeing family friendly films at a theatre. Be there at 10:30am to see The Smurfs!

6, 13, 20 & 27

Town Square Farmers Market

218.779.1382

www.tsfarmersmarket.com

Every Saturday, June 18–September 24, the Town Square [3rd St & DeMers Ave in Downtown Grand Forks] will be filled with a variety of vendors selling everything from fresh produce & homebaked goods to handmade jewelry & clothing.

6, 13, 20 & 27

Farmers' Market & Beyond

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Fresh produce, berries, herbs, meats, jellies, flowers, hand-crafted items & agriculture products will be available for purchase 9am-1pm at the South Elmwood Park parking lot [500 13th Ave W, West Fargo].

KIDS

32 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
1801 45th St. SW • Fargo • www.huhot.com Moms – Want your kids to eat more veggies? Bribe ‘em with s’mores at HuHot! Kids - Sign up for Khan’s Kids Club, and receive free s’mores on your birthday COBBER
We offer language arts, indoor gym, outdoor play space, science, sensory activities, creative arts, physical fitness activities by Concordia College students, French, Spanish and much more… Come and see our fabulous child care center. NAEYC accredited 7:00-5:30 (infants-K) Call Anita 299 -4204 or e -mail brandenb@cord.edu 1306 3rd Street South, Moorhead, MN

8–10

The Eyes Have It!

701.232.3821

www.plainsart.org

Did you know artists see art everywhere they look? Campers entering grades 2–5 will create a pair of artist eyeglasses & use them to explore some unusual nooks & crannies in & around the museum where art sometimes hides, 9am–Noon. From there, they’ll go to Dawson Studio to create with the eyes of an artist.

9 RiverArts

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Celebrate summer at RiverArts in Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead] from 5:30pm–8:30pm! Bring the whole family for an outdoor concert, horse drawn carriage rides, shopping, farmers market & kid’s activities. FREE admission.

11

Community Play Day

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Take a FREE Play Day at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 9–11am & 1–3pm! Play yard games, do a take home craft, climb on the playground & move to music outside in the sunshine!

15

Fargo Rock Concert

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Punk, Rock, Metal! Two bands! Three different nights! All ages welcome & it’s FREE! Get your friends and come out to see the areas up and coming musicians at Dike West, 7–9pm.

20

Heritage Days

701.740.2066

www.egfheritage.com

Celebrate our region's heritage and culture at the Heritage Center in East Grand Forks with fun events such as a pancake breakfast, parade, steam threshing & weaving demonstrations, antique tractor pull, community dinner, live entertainment & much more.

22 Dog Swim

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Celebrate the Dog Days of Summer with the Annual Dog Swim! Four-legged friends are invited to dive in and splash around with fellow dogs at the South Park Wading Pool [2102 14th St S, Moorhead] & Northeast Park Wading Pool [1817 8th Ave S, Moorhead] from 5–8pm. All dogs should have a collar, carry ID tags, be properly licensed, vaccinated, and in good health to participate. Admission is $2.00 per dog and proceeds benefit the Moorhead Dog Park.

26 & 27

Potato Days

800.525.4901

www.potatodays.com

Lots of fun for the whole family in Barnesville. Parade, games, contests and don't forget… Mashed Potato Wrestling!

26 & 27

Rollin on the River

www.rollinonthered-inline.com

Grab your friends & skate the plains. Head to Grand Forks and celebrate our unique strengths, healthy living customs & culture for skating with this two day event featuring an Inline Skating Marathon!

28

Streets Alive

www.fmstreetsalive.org

A 3-mile stretch of key FM streets will be closed to motorized vehicles so you can hit the streets for some fun! Walkers, bikers, runners, rollerbladers - any humanpowered transportation—will fill the streets. Experience dance and fitness activities, music, juggling and art entertainment in parks and other areas along the route.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area it is encouraged organizations submit events for consideration to info@onthemindsofmoms.com

Doctor

Prescriptions

Call 1-877-KIDS-NOW, or apply online at www.healthystepsnd.com to see if your children qualify. Don’t wait. Many working families qualify! Call today and put your children on the path to the health care they need, with Healthy Steps.

33 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com events event
calendar | august
Little Steps. Big Steps. Make them all Healthy Steps 1-877-KIDS-NOW (1-877-543-7669) www.healthystepsnd.com Healthy Steps Children’s Health Insurance Plan offers comprehensive coverage at low or not cost for
(birth
qualifying North Dakota children
through 18).
visits Hospital stays Vision
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health

Sisters Amy Runcorn [33], Beth Graham [30] and Rachel Rogen [36], originally from Grand Forks, ND, have grown up in a world of curlers and combs, brushes and blow dryers, perms and products

Their parents owned a beauty distributorship in the Midwest and Central Canada, so it was only natural for them to take an interest in the hair and beauty industry Seven years ago, Amy, Beth and Rachel opened the doors to the Source—an independent salon and beauty supply showroom With the premise of wanting to offer multiple product lines unavailable anywhere else in the FM area, the Source stocked their shelves with a full spectrum of price point product lines Today, in addition to the retail supply store front, the Source rents private suites to 34 independent stylists who own and operate each of their own salon businesses For these sisters, being mompreneurs has meant combining forces to build a successful business full of professional gratification while having the flexibility to grow their families—something they recognize as both unique and special

photos: rialee photography | casie beldo

mompreneurthesource salon&beautysupply

how many employees and stylists do you have?

Right now we have four great employees and 34 fabulous independent stylists who rent suites.

what kind of products can we find at the Source?

Virtually any professional line you are looking for, we have it. Products for hair, nails, skin, eye lashes, etc. Staying current on the latest trends in the beauty industry is something we work hard at. We also offer a punch card rewards program. For every $10 spent on product you will earn one punch. After 10 punches you receive $10 off you next purchase. Monday’s are double punch!

do you offer other services along with your product retail showroom?

Currently we operate the retail showroom with an extensive selection of professional products.  We also rent private suites to independent stylists all of whom provide a large array of professional salon services.

if someone is interested in scheduling an appointment with one of the independent stylist how do they go about it?

Interested inquiries can call the main number [701.356.1023] and we can direct them to those stylists currently excepting new clients either by appointment or walk-in.

35 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com

do each of you have different responsibilities in the business?

Yes, we do cover different responsibilities at the Source. Because we are in this together, we have had the luxury of being able to change the capacity in which we work and roles we have, dependent upon the ages of our children. The benefit of this has really allowed us to better to serve our families and our business at the same time.

how do you manage your partnership and remain sisters and friends?

It is just so automatic—we all have the same common goal. Our commitment to our kids and family is primary followed by the success of the business. This only works because we built our business at our own pace so we haven’t had to sacrifice time with family or compromise our work.

what is the most challenging part of owning your own business?

Probably always having the ‘final say.’ All problems have to go through us, whether its finances, pipes exploding or vendor issues, we have to have the

answer and fix. And yet, by having three of us working together we can split up the challenges, which makes tackling the issues at hand a lot easier. We are lucky, we have a built in support system in each other!

what top five things can you not live without as a mompreneur?

Our supportive families, reliable employees, talented stylists and our trusty cell phones and laptops.

what is your strongest mompreneur skill?

Recognizing that balance is not always possible every day—keeping family first, but not compromising on our work is a challenge. But when one of us loses our equilibrium, the other is there to rebalances us.

what is the best part of owning your own business?

It is so rewarding to build a business from the ground floor. Each day brings different challenges and experiences. We feel very fortunate to be able to work alongside so many stylists who are also

36 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
mompreneur
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successful mompreneurs. We work hard and pride ourselves in offering a supportive environment for them and make certain that each of our mompreneur stylists get two months of free rent after they have a baby. We want them to reach their individual goals as mompreneurs as much as we want to reach our own goals. aside from one other, who is your biggest supporter[s]?

Hands down our families. For Rachel, she draws from her husband Ryan, their kids Emma [11], Blake [9] and Luke [5]. Amy leans on her husband Tim and two kids Mitchell [8] and Jake [5], and Beth looks to husband Mike their daughter Mia [1] and baby due in August.

where do you see the Source being in 10 years?

As our families continue to grow and mature we would like to continually expand our business model as well.

what advice would you share with other women considering the mompreneur title?

Don’t be afraid to take the chance. There is nothing more rewarding and a little scary than building a business, but we believed in each other and our business model. This might sound a little odd but don’t get so far ahead of yourself and over grow your business that you are forced to sacrifice time with your kids and family. Finally, make your kids feel a part of the business. Some of the greatest memories for our kids are having a pizza party and falling asleep on the floor at the store, while the adults did inventory late into the night.

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healthy steps: providing a healthier future

As parents, the health and wellbeing of our children is our primary concern. But without health care coverage [about 10% of North Dakota's children are uninsured], your child may not be getting the medical care he needs. In North Dakota, there IS help for children without health insurance!

Healthy Steps [also know as North Dakota’s Children’s Health Insurance Program] is a free or very low-cost assistance program available to uninsured children. Unfortunately, not every family knows about Healthy Steps or they may not be taking advantage of the program

because they assume they earn too much money. The only way to determine if Healthy Steps is the perfect option for your children’s health care coverage, is to know the facts and apply.

what is healthy steps and who is eligible? Healthy Steps is a health insurance program for North Dakota children who:

• do not have health insurance coverage

• are 18 years of age or younger

• do not qualify or are not fully covered by the North Dakota Medicaid Program

• meet the income requirements

40 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com did you know

does it matter how long my child has lived in North Dakota? It does not matter how long your child has lived in this state.

does my child have to be a US citizen? Not necessarily, but you need a Social Security Number for each child for whom you are applying to get Healthy Steps. A child must be a US citizen or an alien who is lawfully admitted for permanent residence. Non US citizens need proof of the lawful status of each child for whom you are requesting assistance [such as a resident alien card or a temporary resident card].

what services does healthy steps cover? Clinic services, inpatient and outpatient hospitalization, prescriptions, mental health services, preventive well-child exams, immunizations, dental and vision services are covered.

is there a list of doctors to go to? Yes. Once your child is determined eligible for Healthy Steps, Blue Cross/Blue Shield of North Dakota will mail you a Benefits Book that contains a list of participating providers [which includes 99% of the physicians in North Dakota] and a list of services available through Healthy Steps.

are there any rules about pre-existing conditions? No. Healthy Steps does not have any pre-existing condition rules. If a family meets the eligibility guidelines, a child's pre-existing medical condition does not exclude him or her from coverage.

what does healthy steps cost? There are no monthly premium costs to participating families. Families may be responsible for modest co-payments for some services. The only out-of-pocket costs are for, emergency room visits [$5 per visit], hospitalizations [$50 per hospitalization] and prescriptions [$2 per prescription]. Due to the unique relationship that exists between the federal government and tribal governments, the co-payment requirement has been waived for American Indian children.

what are the income requirements? As of July, 2009, the income guideline increased for eligibility from 150% Federal Poverty Level to 160%. North Dakota also uses NET income to determine eligibility. This means that families can subtract certain expenses such as childcare costs or other health insurance premiums from their income. Many people are surprised to learn that a family

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of five may be earning $51,588 a year and still qualify for free or low-cost health insurance in North Dakota. how do I apply? You can download an application online at www.healthystepsnd.com or have one mailed to you by calling the toll free helpline 877.KIDS.NOW [877.543.7669]. Applications are also available at county social service offices. Then, complete the application yourself or get help from a county social services worker or by calling the help line. Face to face interviews are not necessary, but you will have to provide copies of "documents of proof" that show your income [such as pay stubs or tax returns]. Completed applications can then be mailed to the North Dakota Department of Human Services in Bismarck or your county social service office for processing. Applications are processed as quickly as possible, however it may take up to 45 days for approval so don’t wait to start the process.

how often do I need to renew coverage? Once enrolled coverage lasts for a 12 month period if the child remains in the household and doesn't obtain other health coverage. Because the goal is to cover as many uninsured children as possible, families should report any changes in insurance coverage. Healthy Steps will contact each family by mail twice a year to verify children are still living in the home and they do not have other health coverage. Before the 12 month enrollment period ends, families will also be contacted about re-enrolling their children.

Of course you want your children to have health care coverage, but private insurance just might not be financially possible for your family right now. It is comforting to know there are programs like Healthy Steps available to help you protect your children and keep them healthy.

The Healthy Steps office is open Monday through Friday, 8:30am–4:30pm. You can call 877.KIDS.NOW [877.543.7669] with any questions and send your completed application to:

Healthy Steps Program

North Dakota Department of Human Services 600 East Boulevard Avenue Dept 325 Bismarck, ND 58505-0250 Fax: 701.328.2085

42 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
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43 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com
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down the aisle

cowboy caviar & melon cooler

Beat the heat and spend less time in the kitchen with this easy and versatile summer recipe option. Cowboy caviar is a fresh, healthy and delicious option for potlucks, picnics or pool parties. And don’t be afraid to experiment by substitute ingredients to your liking. Serve it as a dip with pita chips, garish chicken tacos or mix it into a green salad for a meal. Top off your taste buds with a fresh, cool dessert drink the Melon Cooler.

cowboy caviar

[salsa]

• 1 small red onion

• 4 bell peppers [orange, yellow, red, green]

• 3 Roma tomatoes

• ½ cup cilantro

• 1 can black beans

• 1 can black eyed peas

• 1 can corn

[marinade]

• ½ cup oil [canola, olive or vegetable]

• 1 cup apple cider vinegar

• ½ cup sugar

how to:

1. Dice fresh vegetables and combine with all remaining salsa ingredients in a large bowl.

2. Combine marinade ingredients on the stove and heat until sugar dissolves. Let cool completely.

3. Once marinade is completely cooled, pour over salsa.

4. Let salsa marinade overnight and drain the next day.

down the aisle

melon cooler

• 2 cups cantaloupe

• 2 cups honeydew melon

• 1 cup water

• 2 tablespoons sugar or sweetener

how to:

1. Cut cantaloupe and honeydew into half-inch cubes and freeze in separate containers.

2. Once melons are frozen puree 2 cups cantaloupe pieces, 1/2 cup water, and 1 tablespoon sugar into a blender until fruit is smooth and pourable. Transfer to a bowl and keep chilled. Rinse the blender.

3. Repeat using the 2 cups frozen honeydew, 1/2 cup water, and 1 tablespoon sugar.

4. Assemble the cooler by alternating layers. Pour about 1/3 cup of the puréed cantaloupe followed by the same amount of the honeydew melon into 2 large glasses. Repeat until all the purée is used and serve immediately.

source: delish.com

down the aisle
photo: thuen design | scott thuen

YOUR LIFESTYLE

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Growing up on a dairy farm north of Carson, ND, Brian Sokolofsky has fond memories of hard work, the peace and quiet of the country, and spending time with his grandparents in town after each sport season’s practice or game A middle child [older brother Brent and younger sister Heather] and self-proclaimed sports fanatic, Brian moved to the big city of Fargo to attend North Dakota State University  While playing softball one summer, a mutual friend introduced Brian to his now wife, Laura, and her son, Jack Seabold [9] Smitten with her outgoing personality and common interests, the pair married and soon after had a daughter, Ellie [6] Today Brian works for Bergseth Brothers as a beer distributor and is happy to admit his favorite things to do are going to a movie with his wife in the winter and attending Redhawks baseball games with his family in the summer

photos: rialee photography | lindsey johnson

rad

something every guy should have… a “Man room“ a place to display trophies, ugly sports stuff and hang out.

I’d like to learn how to… ice skate better and be able to skate with Jack and enjoy with him his new love for hockey. if i could give my wife anything it would be… a trip to Jamaica—she’s always wanted to vacation there. the hardest day of being a dad so far… seeing the look and reaction on Jack’s face when we explained to him at the young age of seven that his dad, Jay, had just passed away. you would never catch me… jumping out of a perfectly good airplane.

I enjoy the smell of… fresh cut grass with burgers frying on the grill.

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my favorite one-liner… random snippets from songs. something i want my step-son to know… that I am extremely proud of how polite and well behaved he is growing up to be. After everything that he has had to experience at such a young age, he is still the sweetest boy. I also have never thought of him as a step-son, but only as my son.

I’m addicted to…

softball playing, weightlifting, fantasy football team managing, and UFC watching. coolest part of my job… the work atmosphere, my co-workers that I consider friends, and the free suite tickets we sometimes are given to area sporting events.

I’m a sucker for…

DQ strawberry milkshakes—I will drive miles for a craving.

my favorite type of shoe… tennis shoes or my blue summer flip-flops—it will be a sad day when they blow out. the time of year i most enjoy… summer—hands down.

something i miss from my childhood… going to my grandma’s on Sundays for family picnics by the river.

three things on my bucket list…

1. Personally attend a Packer game at Lambeau Field.

2. Visit Utah Beach—where my grandpa landed on D-Day in WWII.

3. A month long vacation where all we do is visit a new baseball field and game every day. a movie i hate to admit i’ve seen… Brokeback Mountain the “honey-do” chore i seem to do over and over… Oh man the list is too long! weirdest thing i have eaten… deep fried turtle.

my daughter has my… eyes and sense of humor.

I’m not a fan of… tornadoes—after one went through our farm as a kid.

50 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
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what’s on your mind?

mamasaverdecorating101:

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

BeforeI was a mom I considered myself to be many different things. One being a savvy shopper with a passion for good food, wine, and most of all DECORATING! I remember the adrenaline rush payday would bring and the thrill I’d get buying those perfect Pier 1 throw pillows I’d been drooling over for weeks—and of course I can’t forget the new paint color I impulsively decided was a must have for my kitchen. Being able to make my surroundings inviting and trendy was very important to me—it was another way for me to express my personality. Okay…I admit, when people came over for dinner or to stay with us for a long weekend, I loved hearing, “Where did you get that? How did you think of that?” My response was always light and gracious, but I was giddy on the inside.

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Fast forward eight-years, two kids and another baby on the way and the money I once had for those luxury splurge items has been traded for daycare, groceries, and gas money. Those once desired throw pillows and candleholders purchased on a whim are no longer an everyday option or treat for me. My priorities have definitely changed, but I still enjoy a cohesive, cozy home to cuddle up in and THAT is something I won’t change. By simply altering my budget and motivation to seek a good deal, I’ve become a frugal decorating diva discovering ways to stretch a dollar. Here are a few ways I’ve discovered to outfit my nest.

First, I curb an impulse visit to my favorite retail store by redirecting myself to my computer where I let my fingers do the shopping. Most often I can find what I’m looking for on a discounted site, such as eBay or Craigslist. I recently became obsessed with a table for our nursery from Pottery Barn Kids for a whopping $149, but with a little luck and time I found the same one for $50 on Craigslist. Well worth the extra search and huge savings!

I’m also big into recycling. We all have those still stylish pieces we’ve grown tired of looking at. I’ve found it easy

to pop a post on Craigslist and eBay at a reasonable price and before I know it I have cash in hand to put toward new things. Also, keep an ear open when chatting with girlfriends. A quick swap or exchange of décor is an easy way for a fresh and fun new look.

Since having kids I’ve also changed my view on garage sales. I never understood why people would get up at 6am with their pre-marked map route and red pen in hand all charged up to scavenge through other people’s junk—and actually pay for it!

Pre-kids there was no way I was going to waste precious sleep hours for a “thrill of the hunt,” but how quickly the early hours of motherhood changed all that. Last summer after taking a gander through a sale, I found a plain wood desk for $10. I pulled out my best DIY skills, painted it turquoise and added some antiqued white handles. The finished piece was practicality at its finest—not to mention it turned out adorable!

Flea markets, antique shops, and second hand boutiques have also captured my creative heart. The key to effective flea market browsing is to prep a list of things you’re looking for. Trust me, it will keep you from becoming overwhelmed with the need to “have it all” or launching you into a total home makeover mode. On one of my adventures I found a case of old jars for $3. I washed them up and have now repurposed them around the house as toothbrush holders, art supply containers, and the perfect table accessories for a good old fashioned barbeque. There’s something about drinking out of a jar that makes kids and adults smile.

So remember, when you become a mother you don’t have to sacrifice it all to stay within a budget. Keep true to who you are and don’t be afraid to try new things. You can have beautiful things without the guilt of a lofty price tag.

This section is dedicated to capturing your parent thoughts. Want to share what’s on your mind? Submit your article idea to info@onthemindsofmoms.com along with a short bio for consideration in an upcoming issue.

56 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
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untangling hair myths

just a thought

At the risk of sounding superficial, our hair matters. Hair has great social significance for human beings. Some believe our style, length, texture and color often predicts how we behave and project ourselves and may even determine how others treat us. Others equate hair with power and status.

It’s no wonder so many of us are obsessed with our hair. Come on boys…don’t even think about turning the page. Men are not immune to this phenomenon—hellllo hair plugs and comb-overs. It’s ok. We’re all in this together.

For instance, ladies, tell me you haven’t spent entire afternoons in wig shops, with the very real intention of buying one. Or how about those consultations we’ve all gone on for hair extensions. Oh, and HAH, isn’t it crazy that we’ve even colored-in our roots with Crayola

markers or swiped a black mascara wand through to touch-up the grays in a pinch?! Umm, you’re still with me, aren’t you? Don’t leave me hangin’ here, girls. The case may be made that I’m a bit more neurotic—or, ah-hem passionate-- than some. But, before you judge me, ask yourself if you really are a “natural” blonde, even though you faithfully color every four to six weeks. Or, how many of you carry celebrity photos with you to show your stylist? Have you ever approached another woman to inquire about her salon of choice? Or, discreetly snapped a shot of a cute “do” with your camera phone?

Let’s face it. Hair matters. It’s one of the first things women notice about other women. If our hair looks good, we feel good.

There’s a plethora of literature on this topic. Did you know that there are actual psychologists and fashion historians who are paid to study the significance and meaning of hair styles? These “experts” submit that hair styles are less about fashion and more about our psychological, inner-most personal perceptions and self-worth. Some

59 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com just a thought
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of them suggest that long hair is attractive and flirty, while short hair is seen as revolutionary, strong and confident, among other descriptions!

So let’s start untangling. What do our hairstyles really say about us? Or, rather do they say anything about us? Personally, I hope not.

For purposes of this column, I decided to conduct my own study: a non-funded, non-empirical, non-statistical, non-comparative study to debunk those “experts.”

Like you, I’ve seen my share of bad hair days. And, in revealing the results of my “study,” I’m even prepared to throw myself publically under the bus by publishing proof of my snafus.

It’s ok though; I know you won’t criticize me for my mistakes [see exhibit A]—no matter how high and ridiculous they seem now.

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THE POWER OF PLAYthe results may astound you!

In order for my “study” to be accurate, we’ll need to take a stroll down memory lane—all the way back to the 80’s. Don’t be alarmed. That foggy cloud is just the Aqua Net. Hold your breath and come with me.

The 80’s were riddled with huge hair-dos. Girls paraded through the aisles of Kmart dumping large, pink cans of Super Hold Aqua Net into their carts, in hopes of making their hair as wide as it was long.

What were we thinking? Some studies would have us believe we were full of ourselves. Big hair = big egos.

Instead, my “results” reveal that this was just the style. These exaggerated, straw-like mops just wanted to fit-in and be a part of something bigger than their locks.

Hair styles took a 180 in the 90’s. Out with the permed, frizzy, teased, crazy kinks and in with the reverse-perm, straightened, serene look. Pull. Straighten. Flat-iron. Repeat.

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The experts say that the soul within this style is narcissistic and serious. My “results” indicate nothing too deep or discerning. I believe these styles evolved from our close, personal friendship with Jennifer Aniston and her “Friends.” See exhibit B.

Moving right along into the wife and motherhood stage of life... many women take a giant leap and go short. I did! See exhibit C.

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The fashion historians would interpret this as breaking free from our pasts. I’ve even read that they believe women with short hair view themselves as less attractive than their counter-parts with lengthy manes!

Perhaps there is a simpler explanation. Short hair is easier and some women can’t be bothered fiddling with tresses. And, try this on for size: some just like short hair!

I was prepared to firmly, without resolve, exclaim that these hair aficionados don’t know squat about hair and are only perpetrating long-held myths. But, there are some common threads. Like…

For most of us, our hair matters. I won’t go as far as the “experts” do and paint a broad stroke of what our hair style says about us, but it does matter. It’s the one fashion accessory we wear every day.

Fine. There may be a link to some of these hair myths and the fashion historians that try to explain our styles.

It’s true. We do get a psychological boost if we like our hair. But, I dare say that it isn’t because one length or

color or style is more attractive or smarter or more powerful than another.

Ah yes, we make our share of stylistic faux pas. But humans are ever-changing creatures. We evolve. And, if things go well, we grow more independent and confident and comfortable with age. Some take risks. Others don’t. Whether we go long or short, whether we’re thinning, graying, frizzed, tangled, knotted, or cropped—wrap it up, braid it, color it, or cut it—BUT LIKE IT, because our hair matters. PERIOD.

Kathleen is a stay-at-home mom who serves on a number of community boards/committees, is active in her church, kids’ school, and politics and runs to sustain her own mental health! This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth generation North Dakotan, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children.

Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speech writer. Kathleen received a BS from The Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University, in Philadelphia.

61 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com
just
thought
a

Anita Jalbert expected the birth of her second baby to closely match her first: a hospital setting, husband Sean at her side, after delivery their newborn would be briefly taken away for assessment.

In reality the birth of Emme on January 10, 2011, blew way past expectations. Yes, it happened at Sanford in Fargo. Yes, Sean was there and cut the cord. But then came the moment that transformed the journey!

“I kept thinking they’d take Emme away for measurements, but she stayed right there with us. It was wonderful,” says Anita. “I’m grateful for the experience I had with Tess three years ago, but truly excited about the experience I had with Emme.”

Today approximately 75 percent of women who give birth at Sanford Women’s choose breastfeeding—up significantly from years ago. Breast pumps and improved places for expressing milk have helped, but so has abundant information on the benefits of breastfeeding.

“Moms want to do what’s best for their babies,” says Fran. “We know breastfeeding provides ideal nutrition and protects babies’ health.”

It can be a challenge, especially for the 80 percent of women who return to work.

skin-to-skin bonding

wonder the of it all

Within seconds after birth, a healthy, screaming Emme was placed on Anita’s chest—skin-to-skin. “She was alert and looked up at me with wide open eyes. Just amazing!” says Anita. “A couple minutes later she started nursing all on her own.”

The Jalberts from Grandin, N.D., are part of a growing number of families who experience the difference when skin-to-skin contact happens immediately after birth.

Sanford Women’s supports this key step for all healthy births. Research has shown several health benefits to babies, including better:

• Temperature regulation

• Breathing

• Blood pressure

• Regulation of blood sugars

“It was such an unforgettable bonding time for us as a family,” says Anita.

ease in breastfeeding

Fran Mosey, certified lactation consultant at Sanford, has seen how immediate skin-to-skin contact contributes to breastfeeding success.

“The babies are awake and aware. This is exactly when they’ll start breastfeeding on their own,” she says. “They naturally latch on to the breast. Studies have shown that when this happens, women are more likely to breastfeed exclusively and for a longer period of time.”

Anita, a childcare center director in Fargo, breastfed Tess for a year and hopes to do the same with Emme.

“It’s a huge commitment, but well worth the benefits,” she says.

you can do this!

Sanford Women’s supports breastfeeding through educational classes, one-on-one visits with lactation experts in the hospital and after, and readily available answers to questions.

“Fran was a godsend,” says Anita. “So reassuring and she never made me feel like I asked ridiculous questions.” But perhaps the greatest reassurance? It came from Emme just seconds after birth.

“The skin-to-skin contact really changed my outlook,” says Anita. “Having a new baby is a scary time, even when it’s your second. Will I be good at this? Will I know what to do? It brought such peace to feel Emme and look into her eyes. I realized oh yeah, I can do this.”

62 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
photo: sanford health photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

jess rivers

blessed beyond measure

She hears the incredulous whispers in the grocery store and at school functions. “Are they all yours?”

She notices people’s curious stares and comments as her family exits its van. “Do you run a daycare?”

And, yes, she winces ever so slightly when someone inevitably pipes up, “Are you crazy!?”

Then again, it’s hard not to ask those questions when you see Jess Rivers with her children: all nine of them.

blessed beyond measure

But the thing you most need to know about Jess is what she’s not. She isn’t a caricature of mothers of large families you see on cable. She’s not a rigid, type-A, control freak who rules with an iron fist. Nor is she a reality-television darling who has been pregnant for over 135 months [and counting!] of her life.

For all the talk [and stares] about how many children she has, Jess insists she’s a regular mom, just like you or me. “We’re just normal, boring people who have tacos on Friday night,” Jess says with a chuckle.

“I was sitting there with a friend of mine and Jess came walking in with a bright yellow rain jacket, curls a bouncing, and we looked at each other and said, ''WOW!" Jared says.

Twenty-year-old Jared was smitten from the start. However, months went by before the 19-year-old bubbly girl with the curly hair and bright, blue eyes noticed him. “We didn’t go to a very big church, about 100 people. Well, apparently he’d been going there for about two months before I noticed him!” Jess exclaims with a laugh.

The thing is, she’s telling the truth. She runs errands and cleans house. She schedules piano practice and bath times [sometimes, even her own!]. She balances the family budget and special time for each of her kids. Through it all, she tries to keep her sanity. Yup, just like you and me!

a spoonful of tomatoes and love

Every couple has a story of how they met. Jess and Jared’s begins in church.

That moment finally came—believe it or not—when Jess scooped a pile of tomatoes onto Jared’s plate at a church bar-b-que. “That’s romantic, huh!”

Jess and Jared began hanging out with mutual friends, and over the course of a couple of months developed a friendship. During that time, they discovered that they were each looking for a serious relationship, one that could potentially end in marriage.

66 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Naturally, the topic of children came up. “We thought a larger family sounded fun,” Jared remembers. They tossed around numbers, like four or six kids, but decided not to plan anything at that moment, except their wedding.

In November 1998, the couple married in Fargo. While starting a family wasn’t their first priority, it wasn’t something they were trying to avoid, either. She finally found out she was pregnant close to the couple’s one-year anniversary. “Boy, we thought we were gonna

as she runs through their names and photos: Alexis, Madeline, Bradyn, Austin, Keilah Grace, Harrison, Sophie Claire, Sullivan and the newest addition, as of March, Sebastian.

If you’re wondering if the excitement and wonder behind each pregnancy and birth ever dulls, the answer, according to the couple’s oldest child, Alexis, who’s 10, is an emphatic, ‘No!’ When the news breaks, Alexis says her reaction is always the same, “Oh my, another one! How exciting—woot hoot!”

have problems having children because we didn’t get pregnant that first year,” Jess says, showcasing her sarcastic sense of humor. “Apparently my body only had to do it once before it was like, wahoooo!”

Over the past decade, while Jared’s career flourished working for a specialty elevator company, Jess has given birth to five boys and four girls, an average of 16 months apart. Like every proud mom, she carries their pictures with her everywhere she goes. And she beams

Having such a large family is certainly a life choice for Jess and Jared, but it’s a choice they made together, with the shared belief that they are meant to be parents to as many children as they are blessed to have. They’re quick to acknowledge that not everyone feels the same way about their decision.

“I won't pretend it's a choice I "understand", but somewhere along the way, I realized that I didn't need to understand it,” her older sister, Sarah Kuck, says. “I

67 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com blessed beyond measure

just know I love Jessica, Jared, each of their little ones, and I can't imagine our family without them.”

a pinch of patience

It’s probably safe to say that most households with children operate somewhere between free-for-all chaos and a dictatorship. Even with nine children, Jess manages to find a middle ground—organized chaos.

Jess’ day begins around 6am and she maintains that whirlwind, frenetic pace for the next 15 hours. The youngest children, Sophie Claire, Sullivan and Sebastian, are up first. She tends to their needs [nursing and diapering] and Jared pitches in, in between getting ready for work.

“Jared is a huge help. But if he could nurse, I would make him!” she exclaims, giggling.

On school days, the rest of the kids start to rise and shine at 7am. They make their beds, do chores and get dressed. The older kids who take piano try to fit in a practice session. Then, the entire clan gathers around the table to eat breakfast together. “It’s just easier to feed them all together,” Jess says.

A friend takes the oldest four children to school, leaving Jess to fill the hours with five toddlers and infants. Her days are filled exactly as you’d expect a full-time mother’s to be, with feedings, diaper and clothing changes, activity time, naps [not for her!], laundry, errands, and lunch and dinner preparation. Only in Jess’ case, everything is amplified. But she takes it all in stride with her delightful sense of humor.

She usually does three to five loads of laundry per day. “It really depends on who wet the bed and how much spitting up went on!” Jess jokes that she has the largest super-capacity washer/dryer combo on the market.

The family gets by with doing just one load of dishes a day by using paper plates for lunch and supper. But before your cringe at her so-called wasteful ways, keep in mind that this helps keep the Rivers’ water usage down. “I guess we hope the water savings makes up for our trash bin. Everyone keeps the same cup out for the day and this also helps cut down on dishes.” Even so, the family tosses out two to three bags filled with garbage a day.

When it comes to errands, Jess likes to make all her trips in one day. If a kid cries or throws a fit, so be it, she says, there is a lot of stuff to get done. “Our most popular destinations are Sam's Club, Target, and Wal-Mart. And in that order too! Other families might buy most of their groceries at the grocery store while we just supplement there and buy most of ours at Sam's Club.”

By the time Jess has mastered the delicate balance of caring for her kids and getting the laundry, dishes and errands done, it’s 3pm and the older kids bust through the door home from school. “That’s when you pick up with homework and piano lessons right away!”

And don’t forget about bath time! The oldest four kids shower on their own; “One more self-sufficient person. Yay!” Jess says. But the younger four children are on an every-other-day schedule. “They have baths on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, unless one of them finds a mud puddle or is left alone with their oatmeal too long, and that has happened on more than one occasion! The baby, Sebastian, gets a bath whenever Mommy or Daddy can squeeze it in which is usually twice a week unless a major blowout occurs.”

Jess finally finds some quiet time when the older kids are in bed at 9pm. “But sometimes at night, when they’re all in bed, I clean. Sometimes that’s the only time I can find to fit it in. And even though that’s rough, I feel better in the morning when I wake up to a clean house.”

Jared says, no matter what, his wife gives it her best, day in and day out. “Jess is a very sensitive mother to each of our children and looks out for their individual needs physically, mentally, and spiritually. She tries to be as organized as possible and I know this helps maintain our sanity at home. It's hard to run a ship as large as ours without some type of a schedule.”

“People always assume you have to be super-patient and laid back, I’m so not,” Jess says. “I’m a perfectionist that God has had to work on.”

Nonetheless, there are days when she worries if her kids are getting enough quality attention. “Sometimes I wonder, ‘Who do I get first?’ Who’s crying the loudest? Who’s bleeding?’ But peace doesn’t always mean serenity

68 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
blessed beyond measure

all the time. We all make choices where we know it’s the right thing, but it’s still tough.”

Even with all the house-keeping, errand-running, and child-caring Jess does on a daily basis, she still strives to maintain her passions and interests beyond being a mom. Running, is one of her favorite pastimes.

“It's a great outlet for me to reduce stress, and ever since high school, I've always enjoyed running. There's nothing like the wind in your face, the smell of a freshly mowed lawn, and some good tunes in your ear, and off I go! It's an energy lifter for sure!” Jess has run the 5k-race at the Fargo Marathon and hopes to one day compete in the half and full-marathon.

And every once in awhile, she escapes into the bathroom when Jared comes home. Usually, she says it’s because the kids have driven her mad that day and she needs to unwind in peace and quiet. “I head in for a good, hot bubble bath and a locked door,” she says with smile. “And in 25 minutes I can come out feeling like a new woman!”

blessed beyond measure

a sprinkle of individuality

One of the most common questions Jess is faced with is, “How do you make time for each child?” Like any parent [no matter if you have one child or a dozen], the answer is simple—they just do.

They look for everyday opportunities to be with each child one on one. Often, this means bringing a little one along for quick trips—whether it’s to the convenience store or the mall. Jared’s specialty is the gas station where he might buy a candy bar and a special drink for his tot of the day. Jess prefers hitting the road, with a brief stop at West Acres, for her bonding time. “I love me some Orange Julius with a pint-sized date! Some of the best talks are had when I turn off the radio and put down my cell phone and just talk to my children. They make me laugh more than anyone and although some days I feel like pulling my hair out strand by strand, I know I will never regret our choice to have this many children.”

69 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com

blessed beyond measure

Alexis says she really looks forward to one-on-one time with her mommy. "She does a lot of fun things with us, but my favorite thing is when she takes us out on dates alone and when we go running together."

Last winter, with the arrival of their ninth child on the horizon, the Rivers Family Fun Night was created. “We allow each child to choose that night's supper/menu and sometimes they even help to shop for it or make it. Then we either play a game or watch a movie of their choosing. It allows each of them to express their desires and have some control over something on a regular basis. Although around here, your turn might not come for another 2 months!”

The couples’ devotion to their children and hard work as parents is evident as soon as you meet their kids. “What impresses me most about the kids is that the older ones will always look you in the eye and say "hi" when you greet them,” friend Lindsay Yoder says. “Sounds simple, but these days you'd be hard-pressed to find kids who will do just that. To me it just reflects great parenting on Jess and Jared's part because that is something that requires intentional training—hard to do with one child, let alone nine.”

And, like any family, each child is developing his or her own unique personality; something neighbor Suzanne Hedden notices each time she picks up the kids for the school carpool. Suzanne says Alexis is a protective big sister who “goes out of her way to be helpful.” Madeline is energetic and adventurous. Bradyn is curious. “One day he was in our garage reading the instruction manual for the John Deere tractor!” Austin “has a natural athletic ability that brings big smiles to his face.” Keilah Grace is a leader who “looks after her younger siblings with a very caring heart.” Harrison is a little fighter. “Born a sick little guy, he had that ability to fight through his illness in the same way he fights to keep up with the older kids.” Sophie is all girl and “walks with authority, unafraid to speak her mind.” Sullivan is shy “but likes to follow the older kids around.” And Sebastian well he’s the baby! “his personality will come in time.” All in all, Suzanne says the Rivers’ kids are polite and friendly, just like Jess!

a dash of normalcy

Raising a family of nine children has changed Jess’ life more than she ever realized. It’s changed her perspectives on perfectionism, made her relish personal passions,

and erased any limit to the amount she could love another human being.

The one thing motherhood hasn’t changed in Jess is the value she places on her friendships. Rebecca Rankin, a longtime friend of Jess’s who lives in Iowa, says Jess is one of the most loyal and faithful friends she has. “Even with nine kiddos she finds time to send encouraging cards and notes to me, gifts, calls often, and never gets annoyed when I call all the time to chat.”

That perspective of acceptance —of yourself and others—is something Jess encourages all mothers to embrace. Because at the end of the day, we’re all trying to balance the same things: the desire to be a good person and to raise good children who will grow into good people.

“I think women, in general, we just want to have all these balls in the air, whether you work or you stay at home,” she says. “We all just want to appear like we’ve got it all together to everybody.”

We each have our own version of ‘normal.’ For Jess and Jared, that includes raising nine children and being open to the idea of having more. For some families, one child is enough. In either scenario—and every situation in between—we should focus on supporting, empowering and encouraging one another and avoid questioning others’ life choices.

“What is a ‘quiver full’ for one couple or family may be completely different for another family—and for completely different reasons,” Jared says. “Everyone's circumstances are different in this area and we have learned that we are not all going to see things the same. It's not our job to decide what's best for anybody else other than our family.”

Jess insists that she is like any other mother, juggling being a mom, wife and friend on any given day. And after spending an afternoon getting to see her quiet confidence and quick wit firsthand, we agree. She admits she sometimes drops the ball. But you find true strength in how you pick it up, she says. And if you surround yourself with good friends and a good partner and a strong foundation of faith, you can do anything.

“I’m happy doing this. My husband and I do look at each other and go, “Huh!” Jess says, breaking into a smile. “But we feel totally at peace with it. Do we feel balanced? I think we feel really blessed. Blessed beyond measure.”

70 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
blessed beyond measure
photo: thuen design | scott thuen

ready, set

grow

winning the battle

In this corner, we have the wise one, full of life experience, a kind heart and boasting 20+ hours of child labor…it’s the maaaaaaa-maaaaaa!

In the other corner, it’s the young gun, the know it all, the spunky “I want it my way” newcomer…it’s the kiddddddddd-oooooooooo!

The battle lines are drawn. Who will be victorious? Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Let’s take a look at some kiddo battles and get ready to RUMBLE!

wee ones

[0–18 months]

Sure you love having your snuggling little wee one, but you also want them to grow up. The milestones just keep coming, but some are hard to reach. One of the first battles you may encounter is Operation Bye-Bye Ba-Ba. Putting an end to the bottle or breastfeeding can be a doozy.

kickin’ it

Weaning your wee one can be tough situation for both of you! Yes, feeding is a time of supplying nourishment, but it also offers the opportunity to bond with your

wee one as well as provide him comfort. Moving to a cup full-time, whether your wee one is coming from the breast or bottle, typically begins around his first birthday. Here are some tips to help with the transition:

• nursing no more The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding throughout the first year of a wee one’s life, if possible, and you don’t have to stop at 12 months either. Regardless, at some point nursing will stop whether it is you or your wee one deciding. It is important to take things slow. Start by cutting one feeding every couple of days. This method allows your wee one a few weeks to adjust. You can also decrease your breastfeeding sessions. With both of these method you will need to follow each session with a bottle or cup or solid food snack, based on which is age appropriate for your child. Also have your significant other take an active role in weaning your wee one. For the session your wee one adamantly expects to be breastfed, let your honey step in and be the one to comfort him when he wakes at night, get him in the morning and feed him breakfast or put him down for his naps or bedtime.

• bottle be gone Wee ones can become very attached to their bottle. To help avoid this don’t let him carry a bottle around and make it available only at mealtimes when he is sitting down or being held. Offer only a cup the other times he is thirsty. The bedtime and nap bottle can be the hardest to break. For the bottle loving wee one, try diluting the bottle with 1oz of water each morning or nap/night. Many times once the bottle is more water than milk, he won’t want it.

Now doesn’t that sound easy? Yeah, it might not be easy and it will take some time, but rest assured he will eventually be on the all cup route!

74 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
worldwide, most babies are weaned between two and four years—but in the US, fewer than 20% of babies are still nursing when they are 6-months-old

Idon’t get it. My dream day would include [among many things] being able to go to bed early, but for some tots bedtime is a form of torture that he just cannot tolerate. A tot that just can’t bring himself to succumbing to his designated bedtime is, well…tiring!

sleep...who needs sleep?

From down the hall you hear him stir and then it begins…”Mom!!!…I’m not tired…I need a drink…one more book”…and on…and on! You know the little bugger is tired, but he just won’t give in. What’s the deal? One reason is the tot creed, which is an innate calling to resist mama instructions, exert newly found strength in using the word ‘No’ and to gain all wanting power! He wants to be in control. Your mover and shaker also isn’t thrilled about the fact that he has to be in his room [can’t even play with his toys] while you party the night away! He doesn’t want to miss anything! But for his wellbeing [and your sanity] here are some tips to getting a good night’s sleep:

• this or that Your tot wants some power, so give him some when it comes to your bedtime routine. Let him pick out his jammies and the books that will be read.

• gotta night owl When the sun goes down, is your tot ready to rock-n-roll? These little people are as individual as you and I, so the bedtime for one tot might not be right for another, but nighttime rambunctiousness can actually be a sign of overtiredness. One thing to consider is cutting out a nap if he is still taking two or if he is down to one, move it to earlier in the afternoon. Also, making sure your tot gets lots of activity during the day will help prepare him for a good night’s sleep.

• REALLY don’t go Bedtime tantrums aren’t fun [like every other tantrum]! Be ready to channel abundant amounts of patience and stamina. If the tantrum starts when you leave the room, it could be attributed to separation anxiety. Provide your tot some comfort. Provide a nightlight, favorite blanket or toy. You can also tell him that you will sit quietly with him for five minutes and then you are going to go, but you will check on him in five minute. When he handles five minutes alone, move it to ten minutes and so on.

75 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com Helping to make their early years the best years! infant • toddler • pre-school and after-school care Check out our 3 locations www.earlyyearsfm.com Moorhead 3510 12th Ave S 218-287-8988 Fargo 3003 32nd Ave S 701-356-0499 West Fargo 1410 9th St E 701356-3952 tots
11–13
of
need
hours
sleep a day [that includes naps]
[18 months–3 years]
tots

Does the hair on the back of your neck stand up every time you hear that rhythmic, long, high-pitch, complaining “na-oooo” or “I don’t waa-nt toooo” or “pleeee-za just one mmmmooorrre” or “wha-eye nooot?”

Yes, I’m talking about whining and it can be like nails on a chalkboard, sending any good mama into an eye roll accompanied by a deep breath!

abolishing whining

I have to believe that every parent dislikes whining, but it is a natural part of development and isn’t a reflection

on your parenting. Think of whining as a combination of crying and newfound verbal skills. He is trying to communicate his feelings and since birth, he has done that by crying. As parents, it’s important to remember that our preschooler relies on us for most everything and we need to teach him effective ways to communicate with whining not being one of them. Incorporate these tips and establish a no whining zone:

• there it is Point out whining when it happens and don’t assume your preschooler knows what he is doing is annoying. Tell him he is whining and demonstrate the difference in a normal voice versus a whining voice. Be sure you don’t respond to whining by simply whining back. It might be tempting, but it won’t curb your preschooler from doing it again.

• I feel ya Many times when your preschooler whines, he is looking for attention or is having a hard time conveying his feeling with just words. When your preschooler needs something [or thinks he needs something] and interrupts you with a whining request, explain that if he really needs something the proper way to politely interrupt and if his request doesn’t require immediate attention, explain that he needs to wait. If your preschooler is whining and you can see what it is that is upsetting him, help him express his feeling with words.

• stay strong Above all…do not cave! Giving in because you just can’t stand to hear it anymore will only reinforce the whining. Tell him to use his “regular voice” and even consider not listening or telling him you can’t understand that voice.

76 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
a 3-year-old can speak about 900 words compared to a 5-year-old who can speak over 2,000
Previously only available at high end boutiques, My Vintage Baby is now exclusively sold directly to the customer at 25-35% less. Contact Karan today! 701.367.5647 karanmvb@gmail.com www.myvintagebaby.net/karan/ preschoolers [3–5 years]

big kids [6–9 years]

Oh,

they will always have each other. A built in best friend, confidant, secret keeper…errr…rival, friend stealer, tattletale! The relationship between your big kid and his sibling can change by the minute. A little sibling fighting is to be expected, but you really don’t want to wear the striped referee shirt all day, every day!

can’t we just get along

It shouldn’t be so hard, should it? There can be days when anything can provoke your big kid to fight with his brother or sister. Here are some things to help promote a little serenity on the home front:

• da rules Establish your family rules. No cursing, no name calling, no slamming of doors and so on. Also talk about the consequences of breaking the rules. Make sure the kiddos have input in the rules and consequences and hold weekly family meetings to reinforce the limits agreed upon.

• fairness, shmairness When the kiddos fight you’ll hear lots of “that’s not fair!” Well, honeys, life’s not fair. There is no way you can do anything exactly 50-50, so don’t get sucked into that battle. The PB & J can’t be cut exactly down the middle so don’t beat yourself up because you can’t do everything 100% equal.

• share…most of the time Keep in mind that the kiddos need their own time too. Time with you one-on-one, time with his friends without a tag along sibling and time simply to himself when he doesn’t have to share anything.

Try as you might, they are still going to fight. Keep these points in mind as you defuse sibling warfare:

• pick your battles It isn’t good for you to step in at every moment conflict raises its wicked head. Unless someone is going to be physically harmed, try not to get involved. The kiddos need to learn how to work things out.

• winner, winner chicken dinner Don’t worry about who’s right and who’s wrong. If you need to step in,

they are both responsible to some degree.

• to your corner Separate your fighters and let emotions die down. Some extra space and calmer heads can allow you to use the situation as a teaching opportunity.

Sibling fighting is very common, but there are families that may need to seek professional help. If the kiddos’ fighting starts to effect the self-esteem or mental wellbeing of any family member, takes a toll on your relationship with your significant other, or there is a real threat of physical harm, talk to your doctor about outside help.

77 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com
sibling rivalry has been identified as more common among kiddos who are the same gender and closer in age

It’s been a long day. Your tweener counted down the seconds until the final bell. Get home, have a snack, a little TV and vegout a bit. In walks loving mother. After small talk about the day, you ask, “Got any homework?” And so it begins…

getter done

There are so many things to keep your tweener occupied all of which are far more “fun” and attention grabbing

than homework. Well, it’s gotta get done and here are some homework how-to tips:

• set the stage With your tweener’s help establish a homework space. Whether it’s at the kitchen table or his bedroom, it doesn’t matter as long as the work is getting done.

• offer some control Give your tweener the power to make some choices when it comes to homework such as doing his homework immediately after school or after dinner.

• a little help here You want your tweener to be resourceful, and it’s perfectly fine for you to help him with his homework, but make sure your help is wanted. And if you sense your help is creating conflict, get out! Let your tweener know you are happy to help, but you don’t want to argue and take a break.

• help, don’t do Remember that it’s your tweener’s homework, not yours. He needs to be doing the work and you are just the helper. Repeat after me, helper!

• ants in your pants For some tweeners, just being able to sit long enough to finish their homework is the biggest challenge. Taking frequent, short breaks may be the answer. It might take a little longer, but the real goal is just simply getting it done.

• anything else If your tweener continues to refuse to do his homework make sure there aren’t other issues at play such as a learning disability or vision problem.

One last consideration when it comes to homework is identifying the type of learner your tweener is. Maybe he needs to talk things out [auditory learner], picture or see an example [visual learner] or maybe he’s very detail orientated [analytical learner]. Knowing how your tweener best learns can make study time much more effective.

78 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com
a 2008 study found 43% of participating parents admitted to doing their kiddo’s homework at least once in the previous month to ease the strain
Does this sound like your child? • Skips words while reading • Makes reversals: letters (b-d, p-q), words (was-saw), numbers (6-9) • Difficulty copying from the board • Poor reading comprehension • Poor writing skills If so, Vision Therapy could help! Learn more at www.FargoVisionTherapy.com
[10–12 years]
tweeners

Youjust want to know where they are and that they are safe. And you aren’t being completely unreasonable, but come on, your teen can’t really expect to stay out all night, right? As your teen gets older, it becomes harder and hard to set limits, while still allowing them freedom.

crampin’ his style

Teen curfew is a double edged sword. You want to trust your teen, but be too lenient and you risk him pushing the boundaries further. Be too strict and he might become rebellious and start sneaking out the window. When setting [and more importantly enforcing] your teen’s curfew, consider:

• this teen Every teen is an individual so remember that. Try to base your teen’s curfew on his merits and needs while staying away from comments about older siblings or when you were a teen. That will go in one ear and out the other!

• talk it out Communicate with your teen. That means talking and listening. Listen to his ideas and talk about the consequences when he doesn’t make it home at the agreed upon time.

• bend, but don’t break Be flexible and know you are going to have to make compromises. But when the agreed upon curfew is missed stand firm to the agreed upon consequences. And make sure the consequences fit the crime.

• see the good too Be sure to acknowledge when your teen is meeting his curfew. Too often a whole lot of attention is focused on the times when curfew is

missed, but nothing said for consistently meeting curfew. Reward the good behavior as much as you would reprimand the bad.

When it comes to your teen’s curfew, you can probably assume there are going to be times of conflict. Setting the limits and making sure your teen is involved in the plan and subsequent consequences can take the edge off future curfew battles.

79 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com
critics of youth curfews say that minors have a constitutional right to be on the streets at night
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Brenda Jacobson

says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says

Who is Sally?

She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.

vacation time for a

My sister asked me to fly to Washington, DC. The plan: move her son out of the dorm and home for summer vacation. I jumped at the chance to get out of town. Two truly cosmopolitan women, picture Carrie Bradshaw and Charlotte York. We may look a little different, have seven kids between us, but we are thriving in the shoe department. Here we come DC and The George Washington University. I didn’t care if the price included hauling futons, microwaves and concert posters through dorm doors and across campus. This was going to be fun.

I had eight weeks before the trip. I immediately sprung into action. I started a diet [I mean life-long change] the next day. I got myself to the gym [semi-regularly] and I was enjoying it. Each day I started feeling stronger and stronger. I evaluated my closet—I had clothes for the “dorm moving”, but what about site seeing, casual lunches and nice dinners? The only possible solution was that it was time to “reinvent” my look. This idea led to clearing my closet, organizing and donating clothes

followed quickly by shopping to replace what I was now lacking and definitely needed.

Late night Skyping with my sister on where we would go, how much fun we would have and what boutiques we would visit was making me more and more excited and motivated.

I moved my cleaning to the garage, right on time for cleanup week. But I didn’t stop there. I looked ahead at school schedules to ensure my kid’s events were on calendars and carpools entered in my phone [with reminders]. I went grocery shopping with a purpose. You know the kind where you're actually thinking about the items you place in your cart. No one would starve while I was on this four-day adventure. I found time to browse Barnes & Noble for books and magazines that I would read on the plane and at the hotel. I was beyond efficient. Who is this crazy person I turned into? Which I love! Let’s call her “Vacation Sally”.

I developed a plan to get caught up on laundry. I held a family meeting on the importance of getting cloths to

80 on the minds of moms | june • july twenty eleven www.onthemindsofmoms.com

the laundry room in order to actually get them washed [crazy, how this detail has been escaping them for years]. I followed with a class on how to use the washing machine, just in case of emergency. This would ensure that no one would go to school naked when I was gone. Vacation Sally is brilliant! The house was clean. I was feeling great. I had a manicure and pedicure. I was at the top of my game. I love Vacation Sally!

It is funny how my whole life finds order every time I plan a vacation. In the last two months I have been getting things done and finding time for family, friends and myself. I feel energized and happy. Each morning I would start my day with coffee and an agenda. This organization usually continues during my trips. I feel rested, wear chic cloths and apply makeup EVERYDAY. I feel like I am at my best.

Looking back at previous trips and how the last two months of preparation has been makes me think, why doesn’t Vacation Sally come to visit more often. That is when it hit me-you have to live like you’re on vacation or at least on your way to vacation.

Trips or upcoming events give you something to look forward to and a place to put your focus. It is amazing what a positive item in the future will allow you to achieve. So, as your kids are finishing school and have that summer look in their eye, you know the one—join them. Each mom has a Vacation Sally in them. I know because no mom would vacation without her! Let her be your summer friend. Find your rock star, your bookworm, your Carrie Bradshaw or Charlotte York and live it. Go ahead and reinvent yourself or dust your shelf off. It is time to find your inspiration. Find time in your day for browsing bookstores, organizing your closet or enjoying the sunshine. Be the best person you can be. It will change your attitude and your family, friends and co-workers will love it.

The George Washington University adventure changed a week before my sister and I were to hit the capital city. We received the news that my nephew would be attending summer school and no move was needed [YES!]. What should we do with the extra time? Well, the tickets are bought and I know Vacation Sally loves a good DC spa! Enjoy your summer vacation.

81 june • july twenty eleven | on the minds of moms www.onthemindsofmoms.com
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Making life sweeter, one cupcake at a time.

EDUCATION
photo: rialee photography | ria czichotzki
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