Aug/Sept 2011 On the Minds of Moms

mom message

Provide is defined as: 1] make available for use; supply 2] equip or supply someone with. As parents we are always trying to provide our kids the best of a multitude of things and the August.September issue of OTMOM touches on some of those things. You get to meet an amazing leader in our community [pg 64]. Patricia Patron is the definition of hard work, dedication and sacrifice; all qualities we hope to equip our kiddos with. Worried about supplying them with a college education? Turn to page 24 and learn from a Certified College Planning Specialist how you can help make college a reality. Take in some tips on tackling your kiddo’s first sleepover, bad grade or broken heart in the Ready, Set, Grow [pg 72]. And let Sally Says [pg 80] provide you with some much needed perspective.

This issue also marks our 3rd year of OTMOM! We have strived to provide a fun, inspiring, real life resource where our readers can laugh, shed a tear here and there, and learn something new along the way. And OTMOM has provided us with far more than we ever expected. Thank you for making OTMOM a part of your day and providing us with the best job ever! Oh, and keep reading!

happy anniversary to us!

dani and sheri

co-founders and inspired moms

on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT

On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

ryan keel

A Registered Investment Advisor and Certified College Planning Specialist [CCPS], Ryan has been helping families and small business with retirement and investment planning since 1996. When he’s not running Keel & Associates Investment Services, an independent financial planning business, he enjoys biking, watching movies and spending time with his niece.

deb uglem

moorhead | mn

Raised in Finely, ND Deb has called Moorhead, MN her home for the last 10 years. Deb has been a stay-at-home mom since returning to the Fargo-Moorhead area. She graduated from Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications. She is excited about her newfound time to write and finds it a welcome distraction to her daily activities. Most daily to-do’s center around her four children’s sport and school activities. Jake [17], Tony [16], Nick [16] and Emily [14] keep both her and husband Tim running in several directions. During her free time you can find her putting in some road miles, spending time with friends, or on the golf course.

angela smith

This former OTMOM feature [Spring 2009] was raised as an Army brat, with little stickers on the back of everything she owns to prove it. Angela is married to Superman, who goes by the name Jared and works hard to maintain the title of "Mean Mom" to her 4 children ages 9–16. She can stretch a dollar like nobody's business, create a meal out of nothing, but cannot on her best day, make Jell-O or a descent pie crust. A former Mrs. ND America and Mrs. ND International she works to bring attention to Go Red for Women and raise awareness about relationship abuse. She is a voracious reader and writes children's books to maintain her sanity, otherwise a number of fictional characters take up residence in her brain, keeping her awake at night.

laura raymond, PhD

east grand forks | mn

A research manager at the Energy and Environmental Research Center in Grand Forks, ND, Laura holds a Ph.D. in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology from UND with an emphasis in Nutritional Metabolism.  For the past 9 years her research emphasis has been studying the mechanisms of mercury toxicity. Laurie and husband Rob resides in rural East Grand Forks with their 24-year-old son, Alex, mother Jeanette, three dogs and a cat.

Patricia Carlson is an award-winning journalist whose work spans magazines, television, radio, newspapers and the internet. She's produced, written, edited and directed programs for ESPN Radio, History Channel and Hallmark Channel. Patricia has worked as a television news reporter and currently is the Sunday morning news anchor at KFGO AM 790. She also is a regular contributor to several magazines based in the Midwest. When she's not writing, Patricia loves spending time with her baby girl and husband. You can view her work at www. patriciacarlsonfreelance.com

the year the first American shoe classic “the sneaker” was born and called Keds With a soft rubber sole, so comfortable & quiet you could "sneak" up on your boyfriend!

Raised in the small, southwestern North Dakota town of Elgin, Colleen Lanners compares her childhood to Beaver Cleaver’s A close-knit family, her mom cared for her and sister Janell while her dad owned and operated his own service/gas station The station brings back memories of taking naps with her blanket in the middle of a tire as well as being the place she would learn her work ethic during her high school years

Two weeks into her freshman year at UND [and her first time away from home] Colleen’s father died suddenly of a heart attack Her loss was great and upon returning to school she pursued a degree in social work because she knew a profession focused on helping others was right for her Colleen worked a short time in Fargo as a licensed social worker with pediatrics before making her way to the University of Minnesota and entering the mortuary science program  After graduation Colleen returned to Fargo to marry her true love, Kevin, and began working at Korsmo Funeral Service in Moorhead as a licensed funeral director where she still works today The couple have two children, Grace [7] and James [5], and when not on call Colleen tries to spend time gardening, taking long walks, camping and attending RedHawks games with her family

photos: rialee photography | lindsey johnson

my favorite time of the day is… morning as it is a fresh new day with no mistakes and no stress.

if i could say one thing to myself 20 years ago it would be… to spend more time with my dad who died 19 years ago. I’d ask him more questions about himself and take more video of him. I would do anything just for the opportunity to give him one last hug.

no one knows i… can weld. I took Vocational Ag classes instead of Home Economics. I unwind by… cleaning. Having a clean home makes me feel like the rest of my life is in order.

mod momcolleenlanners age36,fargond

having a clean home makes me feel like the rest of my life is in order

my mom was right about…

my sister being one of my best friends someday. We fought when we were younger, but now I talk to her almost every day.

I always regain my sanity after i…  vent to my husband. He tells me when I am right, but is one of the few people who will also call me out when I am wrong.

my working-mom success secret… a husband with a flexible schedule. I could not be a funeral director without his flexibility. my least favorite kid show… Yo Gabba Gabba.

the least used appliance in our house… bread maker. It was last used when I was pregnant with Grace over 7 years ago.

I always have extra… sunscreen. I believe in the power of SPF!

my biggest housekeeping tip… watch the show “Hoarders” when you are cleaning or organizing. I think that show is pure motivation to get rid of stuff.

the show i watch when i want a good laugh… How I Met Your Mother.

my profession gives me…

the ability to help people at one of the lowest and most difficult times in their lives.

the kid snack i am most likely to eat…

I don’t know if this is a kids snack, but I LOVE orange Tic Tacs. I can eat a little box in less than 2 minutes! my husband would describe me as…  intelligent and driven, but I really think he wants to say I am a task master.

the oddest thing in my purse… cash. I never carry it anymore. the habit i would most like to change…  going to bed so early. I am in bed most nights between 8:00 and 8:30. My body just shuts down at that time.

the single greatest lesson i can teach my kids…  be true to yourself. Not everyone is going to like you and that is okay. What’s important is that you can look in the mirror and be proud of who you are instead of trying to shape yourself to be someone everyone else likes.

concussions aren’t cool

story by | dr. jeffrey lystad

It’s estimated that more than three million sports and recreational-related concussions occur in the United States each year. While concussions are most commonly associated with full-contact sports, it is important to remember that your child is at risk with any organized or recreational sport. Student athletes sustain all kinds of contact blows throughout practices and games, however a direct blow to the head, face or neck, is the main cause for a concussion injury. Parents need to be aware of these signs and symptoms when they suspect a head injury in their child.

signs & symptoms

The signs and symptoms of a concussion can be subtle and they may not appear right away. They can last for hours, days or in some cases even weeks. Each concussion is unique to each person and there is no exact time table one can follow for returning to play. The following is a list of possible signs and symptoms of a concussion:

• immediate signs & symptoms: confusion, amnesia, headache, loss of consciousness, ringing in the ears, drowsiness, nausea, vomiting, unequal pupil

size, convulsions, unusual eye movements and slurred speech

• delayed signs & symptoms: headaches, irritability, depression, sleep disturbances including insomnia or difficulty walking, fatigue, poor concentration, trouble with memory, getting lost or becoming easily confused, increased sensitivity to sounds, lights and distractions, loss of sense of taste or smell and difficulty with gait or coordination of arms and legs

It is important to recognize that your child’s description of their symptoms may not always be reliable—their desire to play may outweigh the value of an honest response. Any athlete with a suspected concussion should be monitored closely and evaluated by a medical professional as soon as possible.

The concussion initiative is vital to the well being of our student athletes. Continuing to participate or returning to participation before “all” symptoms have resolved after a concussion can result in long term problems. Persistent headaches, dizziness, difficulty concentrating or sleeping are just a few. With proper management most concussions will resolve in 1 or 2

weeks. Let’s remember, the health of the athlete is more important than the game itself.

prevent, protect & play

Every sport is different, but there are steps your children can take to protect them from a concussion:

• Ensure that they follow their coach’s rules for safety and the rules of the sport.

• Encourage them to practice good sportsmanship at all times.

• Make sure they wear the right protective equipment for their activity [such as helmets, padding, shin guards, and eye and mouth guards]. Protective equipment should fit properly, be well maintained and worn consistently.

knocked your noggin?

What to do:

• Seek medical attention right away. A health care professional will be able to decide how serious the concussion is and when it is safe for your child to return to sports.

• Keep your child out of play. Concussions take time to heal. Don’t let your child return to play until a

health care professional says it’s OK. Children who return to play too soon—while the brain is still healing—risk a greater chance of having a second concussion.

• Tell your child’s coach about any recent concussion. A health care professional will be able to decide how serious the concussion is and when it is safe for your child to return to sports.

A key player on Fargo’s Sanford Orthopedics & Sports Medicine team, Dr. Jeffrey Lystad specializes in sports medicine, focusing on the treatment of athletic and activity injuries, and sports-related concussions. He is board certified in emergency medicine. An active individual himself, Dr. Lystad plays several sports and also enjoys riding motorcycle.

ECFE: strengthening & supporting

story by | early childhood family education

Being a parent is a gift, but it can also be very challenging. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a place focused on strengthening our families through the education and support of all parents by providing the best possible environment for the healthy growth and development of our children? Well, there is and it’s called Early Childhood Family Education [ECFE] in Moorhead.

for all parents

Since 1973, ECFE has been available in the state of Minnesota. Initially the Moorhead program was strictly for teen parents, but during the 1984-85 school year the Moorhead School District took ownership of the program and classes were made available to all parents. At ECFE the word parents includes all individuals who function in a primary parenting role.

Today classes are offered to parents and their children ages birth to kindergarten entry with approximately 600 families participating each year. All instructors are licensed teachers in the state of Minnesota and classes are available to parents in our area even if they live outside the Moorhead School District. Most people claim they attend their first ECFE class for their child[ren], but they return again and again for themselves; for the support, education and friendships they experience.

what to expect

ECFE classes have three components:

1. parent & child time Parents and children initially meet in an early childhood classroom equipped with toys, messy art, activities, stories, music and a short circle time all appropriate for the children's age and stage of development.

2. parents’ time Parents engage in conversation around a topic of interest to the group with a licensed parent educator.

3. children's time While the parents spend time together, the children share a light snack and play in the early childhood room and gym with the ECFE teacher.

Classes run during the school year with the Fall semester’s registration starting August 26th at 9:00am. You can register online, by phone or in person. With over thirty classes offered each semester, the goals remain the same:

• Support children’s optimal physical, intellectual, social and emotional development during the important early years of life.

• Encourage parents to be involved in their children’s learning, development and education.

• Help parents develop informed, realistic attitudes and expectations about raising children.

• Promote effective communication between parents and children.

• Help parents develop and strengthen support networks that enhance families.

• Encourage families to develop and effectively use community resources.

• Help prevent child abuse, family violence and other negative family outcomes.

• Encourage healthy relationships between parents and children.

There is a nominal fee required to attend classes, but families who live in the Moorhead School District and qualify for free and reduced lunch can take classes at a reduced fee or free depending on income and family size. The application form for this can be found online.

mn services

While ECFE classes are available to all parents in our area, Minnesota residents are able to take advantage of special ECFE services:

• infant massage home visits Share the calming power of touch with your infant. Moorhead parents are able to receive instruction in infant massage from our licensed, experienced instructor and a gift certificate toward an ECFE class.

• preschool on wheels With funding provided from the United Way, this program allows a preschool teacher to go to a home childcare site in Moorhead and provide preschool activities to children ages three years to kindergarten entry.

• school readiness preschools Serving four and 5-year-old children who will enter school the following Fall, ECFE partners with Early Intervention Services to provide inclusive opportunities for Moorhead children.

• early childhood screening A required component for Minnesota children ages three years to kindergarten entry and done in conjunction with Clay County Public Health, children complete a 90-minute screening which includes hearing, vision, development, social-emotional and health/immunization review. ECFE also provides transition classes, a newsletter and open houses for children who are entering kindergarten the following Fall.

• regular home visits Families who are unable to attend regular ECFE classes, but desire help with parenting skills, may also request a home visit. give it

a try

At ECFE you can expect a warm atmosphere of caring, friendly teachers, exciting toys and rooms, quality materials and a feeling that other people understand how you feel when your child is behaving as they are. Dads, moms, grandparents, other relatives and nannies are regular participants. ECFE is all about making families stronger by looking at the strengths already present and providing the resources to build on those attributes.

Caring for young kiddos is a tough job and everyone can use a little help along the way. ECFE is here for you!

I like going on adventures to different places during different times with the Magic Tree House Series [by Mary Pope Osborne]. You learn things that you never knew before. I like them so much I am on book #32!

BRYNN A. AGE 8

Sioux Falls, SD

I like everything about The Hunger Games book series [by Suzanne Collins] and after reading the first two it was hard waiting for the third one to come out!

CAMRYN H. AGE 12

Moorhead, MN

Ramona and Her Mother  [by Beverly Cleary] is a nice and funny story that I get [relate to].

ABBY F. AGE 9

Casselton, ND

read all about it

kids, what’s your favorite recreational read and why?

I’m currently reading A Series of Unfortunate Events [by Lemony Snicket]. There are a lot of things that happen to those kids, and you can never really predict what's going to happen next. I'm going to read the Nancy Drew series next because I love mysteries.

AVA K. AGE 8

Sabin, MN

Fancy Nancy [by Jane O’Connor] are my favorite books because she likes the color pink just like me, and I like the big fancy words she uses. I like to be fancy too!

PIPER A. AGE 5

West Fargo, ND

I really like the Amelia Bedelia books [by Peggy Parish] because they are funny and my mom reads them to me.

ISABELLE M. AGE 5

Valley City, ND

story by | kids of otmom readers

The Uglies [by Scott Westerfield] series is a big favorite because it is about the future where average looking people are considered ugly. But at age 16 they can have a complete plastic surgery to make them perfect. This perfection however comes with a price. Fablehaven [by Brandon Mull] is a great book series because it is a fast moving story with magical creatures, mystery and enough scariness to make it fun.

ELISE and LAUREN S. AGE 13

Alexandria, MN

I think The School Bus Driver from the Black Lagoon or any Black Lagoon book [by Mike Thaler] are funny stories where they turn into real people at the end.

SAM F. AGE 7

Casselton, ND

My favorite book is Saving Zasha [by Randi Barrow]. I like that it was about my favorite kind of dog, a German Shepherd and that it’s an adventure story which are the kind of stories I like. Actually I like most any book about dogs.

PEYTON F. AGE 10

Grand Forks, ND

I enjoy reading the Pretty Little Liars series [by Sara Shepard] because they’re mystery books and each one leaves you wondering what happens next. I was excited when the newest book came out on July 5th. I just finished it and I hope she adds more books to her series.

KAURI H. AGE 13

Carrington, ND

I’m a fan of any David Almond book but Kit's Wilderness is a short, good read that deals with lots of interesting stuff like life, death and friendship.

JT S. AGE 16

Canton, OH

Disney Princess: What is a princess? Step Into Reading Series. I love anything princess, and this book has a lot of them!

SIENNA A. AGE 5

Dilworth, MN

I like to read Eragon Series the Inheritance Cycle [by Christopher Paolini]. It’s a great escape from reading for school and the books are very descriptively written.

TED H.  AGE 16

Grand Forks, ND

For me I have really enjoyed reading the Twilight series [by Stephenie Meyer]. Each new book had me looking forward to finding out what happened next in Bella’s life.

ERIN M.  AGE 14

West Fargo, ND

Evil Genius [by Catherine Jinks] is the first book in a three book series about a 9-year-old child prodigy that is being trained as a master criminal. It is a fast-paced book that makes you want to keep reading. His mind is amazing.

NICK U. AGE 16

Moorhead, MN

resource, support, volunteer

Prevent Child Abuse North Dakota  PCAND is a 501(c)3 not-forprofit organization and Chapter of Prevent Child Abuse America that is dedicated exclusively to the prevention of child abuse and neglect. PCAND, formerly known as the North Dakota Committee to Prevent Child Abuse and Parents Anonymous, has been working to prevent child abuse and strengthen families in North Dakota since 1978. For parenting education, support and materials, visit www.pcand.org

Up With Downs Supporting families of Down syndrome. For more information, contact Kara Jones, 701.526.3240   or karaljones@ gmail.com, or Liz St. Louis, 701.212.7877 or estlouis4@gmail.com

Red River Moms Of Multiples 2nd Tuesday of each month. For more information visit www.rrvmothersofmultiples.org

Children's Consulation Network  Provides access to early childhood mental health screening, assessment and consultation, develops and distributes children's mental health resources, provides community education, seeks to diminish stigma, and facilitates collaborative efforts related to children's mental health services, especially for children ages 0-8. For more information, 701.526.1565 or www.halfachild.com

Adoption Play Support Group For more details call 701.200.3285 or email shellemoran@yahoo.com

Compassionate Friends 2nd Thursday of each month, 7:30pm at Faith Lutheran Church, 127 2nd Ave E, West Fargo. Offering grief support after the death of a child. For more information patkylene@hotmail.com or 701.282.4794

Tender Transitions Every Tuesday and Friday from 12:00pm to 3:00pm at Essentia Health South University 6th Floor Conference Room. For all new moms in the FM area. For questions, call 701.364.8066

La Leche League of Fargo-Moorhead 3rd Thursday of each month at 6:30pm. For more information contact Jill Christianson – jillkensok@hotmail.com or 701.298.8950

Child Asperger Support Group Every Tuesday from 12:00pm to 1:00pm at Southeast Human Service Center. For additional information visit www.rrvasperger.org

SHARE: Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group 3rd Tuesday of every month at 7:00pm at Faith United Methodist Church [19th Ave. N, Fargo]. This nondenominational group offers support to those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or within the first few months of life. For more information call 701.234.7500

Marine Moms Support Group If you are the Mother of a Marine, then you are one of the family! Join other Marine Moms from Sub-Station Fargo [Sub-Station Fargo, ND covers west to Valley City, ND, east to New York Mills, MN,  north to the Canadian Border & south to the South Dakota state line] once a month for: Support, Hugs, Advice, Praise, Tears, Love, Stories, Laughter, Inspiration, Encouragement, Experiences, Insight, Information,

Motivation, Pictures & more at 1:30pm the 3rd Saturday each month at the Calvary United Methodist Church [4575 45th St S, Fargo]. For more information contact Ruth Danuser at 701.799.8946 or ruth@calvaryfargo.com. OORAH!

Autism Support Group 2nd Friday of each month from 7:00pm to 9:00pm at Triumph Lutheran Church in Moorhead. For more information call group contact Rachel at 218.287.1184

DMF Lend A Hand Offers resources and matching funds to improve volunteer efforts that benefit people experiencing a medical crisis. Learn more about current efforts and/or to make a tax-deductible donation go to www.dakmed.org/lendahand

Fargo-Moorhead Home Schoolers Christian home schooling Moms who want to network ideas and provide support to homeschooling families. For more information contact Karen - jkisgrig@msn. com or 701.967.8990

Healthy Steps A health insurance program for North Dakota children age 18 or younger who do not have health insurance coverage, do not qualify or are not fully covered by the North Dakota Medicaid Program, and live in qualifying families. The benefits are offered at no or very low cost. For more information 701.356.3134 or www.dakmed.org/childrenhealth

HOPE, Inc. Provides a year-round sports and recreation program for children and young adults ages 2-23 with mobility challenges.  We are family-centered and provide extra equipment so the ENTIRE family can play!  Contact Adair at 701.866.9002 or agrommesh@cableone.net for more information or visit www. hopeinconline.org

Ronald McDonald House Charities of the Red River Valley, Inc. Provides lodging and emotional support to parents and siblings of children requiring medical treatment who also benefit by knowing their families are close by. Visit www.rmhcfargo.org for more information.

Breastfeeding Support Group Meets once a month from 6:00pm to 7:00pm at Essentia Health. Call 701.364.8100 or visit www. innovishealth.com for more information and other support group opportunities

Riding On Angels’ Wings Therapeutic horseback riding for children with disabilities. Volunteers are always welcome. Contact Bette Shipley - Felton, MN.793.5153 or www.ridingonangelswings.org

Rape & Abuse Crisis Center Crisis intervention, advocacy, and counseling services to all persons who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Volunteer or donate. Call 701.293.7273 or visit www.raccfm.com

Rainbow Bridge Visitation & Safe Exchange Because of dedicated individuals who volunteer their time, Rainbow Bridge is able to meet the ever increasing visitation needs of our families. For more information visit www.rainbowbridgekids.net or call 218.299.7694

find help, get advice, make a difference

FirstChoice Clinic Provides pregnancy confirmation and counseling, prenatal and parenting classes, community referrals to help individuals make life affirming choices. Call 701.237.5902 or visit www.firstchoiceclinic.com. Volunteer or donate at www. teamfirstchoiceclinic.com

Suicide Survivor’s Support Group 4th Monday of each month at 6:00pm. Support to loved ones who have lost someone to suicide. For more information call 701.293.6462

Birthright Pregnancy testing, counseling, prenatal and parenting education, maternity and infant clothing, emergency supplies of diapers and formula and labor support. All services are free and confidential. To volunteer or donate contact 701.237.0359 or www.birthright.org

PATH of North Dakota An organization offering a more personalized approach to foster care. For more information www.pathinc.org or 701.293.9968

Red River Celiacs Meet each month at Olivet Lutheran Church [1320 University Dr S] For more information contact Stacey Juhnke at redriverceliacs@gluten.net

Special Olympics Provides year-round sports training for all kids and adults with intellectual disabilities. To inquire about volunteering opportunities go to www.specialolympicsnorthdakota.org

FirstLink Provides telephone support including information and referral of local non-profits, listening and support, crisis intervention and suicide intervention 701.235.7335

South East Regional KIDS Program An Infant Development Service providing home-based family focused services at no cost to families having an eligible infant or toddler under the age of three. 701.446.3927

Experienced Parent Support Group Support and Resource to families who have a child that is active with the South East Regional KIDS Program. For more information please contact Moe Schroeder at 701.237.3558 or mrschroeder@nd.gov

Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch Offers a year-round opportunity for volunteers [individuals, groups/part-time, full-time] for its thrift stores. To volunteer call 701.277.9424

FM MOMSnext For moms of school aged children kindergarten to college to discuss various topics on parenting, motherhood and women ministries.  Meet the 2nd & 4th Wednesday of the month at First United Methodist Church [906 1st Ave S, Fargo] from 6:00pm to 7:30pm.  Children's programming also available at the same time and need not be a member of the Church to have your children involved. Contact 701.232.4416 or email fmmomsnext@hotmail.com for more information.

For more listings, visit www.OnTheMindsOfMoms.com/support. To submit a group or resource for consideration to be posted on our website, email information to info@onthemindsofmoms. com. OTMOM does its best to keep information accurate, but organizations are responsible for providing updated information. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided.

college…

gotta plan?

story by | ryan keel

As you cradle that bundle of joy in the hospital room, you dream of this baby’s future. Everyone will describe him as well liked, polite, ambitious, a real go getter. He’ll be homecoming king, get straight A’s, be captain of the basketball team and go to…college? Well, of course he’ll go to college, right? But how will he PAY for college?

You've probably read magazine articles or heard talk about how expensive it is to attend college these days... and how quickly the cost is rising! You may have also heard some of the horror stories of recent graduates who are so far in debt they can't make the minimum payments on their student loans. According to the College Board [a non-profit organization], the average cost for tuition and fees in 2010 looked like this:

• Public four-year colleges, $7,605 per year for in-state students and $11,990 for full-time out-of-state students

• Private nonprofit four-year colleges, $27,293 per year

• Public two-year colleges, $2,713 per year

Before you decide to cash in your 401[k] or sell a kidney, let’s look at some good news. Financial Aid is there to help offset a good portion of those costs. For the 2009-2010 school year the average amount of aid for a full-time undergraduate student was about $11,500, including more than $6,000 in grants, which may not have to be repaid1. Good news, yes! But even so, you or your child can be left with a substantial bill.

When I meet with parents to discuss a college plan, I always start the conversation the same way, “If you aren't currently maxing out your retirement contributions [IRA, 401(k) etc.], DO NOT start putting money away for college.” As you can imagine, I get some funny looks, but once I explain my reasoning, most parents agree; you can take out loans for college, but you can't for retirement. Fairly simple, but to the point. With a solid understanding of your financial situation and how the college process works, it's possible to fund your retirement AND help pay for college.

investing options

Whether you are investing for college, retirement or even a family trip to Disneyland, the general rule of thumb is the more time you have until the money is needed, the more risk you can afford to take. If your child is 10-15 years away from college, you may want to have the majority of your investments in equities. If your time frame is much shorter, say only a few years, you may want to look at fixed income or similar low risk investments. The theory is that with longer time frames, you can afford to ride out the ups and downs of the market. Here are some common investment options for saving for college:

Coverdell Education Savings Accounts

[CESA] This trust or custodial account is created for the purpose of paying the qualified education expenses of the beneficiary. Think of them as a mini-IRA, an empty box that you can invest in any stock, bond or mutual fund that you prefer. You can contribute $2,000/year and the earnings grow tax-deferred and tax-free if used

1 College Board's "Trends in College Pricing 2010 and Trends in Student Aid 2010"

for qualified expenses, but there is no tax deduction for contributions. Contributions can also be made by companies or organizations, which can be helpful if you are a small business owner.

529 Plans This program is set up to allow a person to either prepay tuition or contribute to an account established for paying a student's qualified education expenses at an eligible educational institution. You invest after tax dollars into your choice of several investment options that are available inside the 529 plan through various states. Currently I'm not recommending any prepaid plans to my clients. Several states have run into trouble with investment returns being too low and college costs rising too quickly, that they are cutting some of the benefits. The College Savings Plan, where you contribute money, on the other hand is still a viable option.

Most 529 Plans have age based portfolios that are more heavily invested in equities when the child is younger and automatically scale more into fixed income as the student gets closer to college. Currently there are no

standards for age based investments like these. One plan’s investment allocation for a 10-year-old could be very different from another plan’s.

An advantage of using a 529 Plan from your home state is that most offer an in-state tax deduction for residents. So when choosing a 529 Plan, be sure you are aware of any state tax deduction as well as investment options, fees and expenses and any restrictions on making changes. These plans have become very popular over the last several years, partially due to the fact that they were created to address the specific need of saving for college and also because they are what I consider a bit of a 'trendy' product. They have received an incredible amount of publicity from magazines and online websites as a one stop solution for saving for college. While they can play an important role in any plan, they are not usually my first choice.

IRAs With their tax deferred growth, IRAs are designed for retirement, but they also offer penalty free withdrawals if the money is used for qualified higher education expenses. You should be aware that

withdrawals are taxed as ordinary income and count against any financial aid for the next school year. You may want to consult your tax professional. Also, you do need to have earned income to be eligible to contribute to an IRA. Luckily, I'm sure your son or daughter can't wait to get out there and start that summer job!

There are literally thousands of other investment options to choose from, such as individual stocks, mutual funds, bonds and CD's. The best one really depends on your personal situation. When making any decision it's important to understand exactly what it is you're buying, if there are any fees and expenses and the fact that different strategies can also affect your student’s Financial Aid in different ways, either positively or negatively.

financial aid help

Regardless if you have been saving for college or not, applying for Financial Aid is something every student should do. Financial Aid starts with the Expected Family Contribution [EFC], which is how much a family is expected to contribute to the total cost of college

for that singular year. It is computed by using family financial data submitted on Financial Aid application forms. Factors such as family size and number of family members in college also affect your EFC. Typically the lower your EFC, the more financial aid you receive. It's important to understand how this works as certain items can count against Financial Aid more than others. As

an example, $1,000 in a mutual fund in the student’s name will count more against Financial Aid than the $1,000 of the same mutual fund in the parent’s name. It is details such as this that make planning for college so important. Even small mistakes can have a big impact. Your student’s Financial Aid package is also affected by their GPA, class ranking and ACT/SAT scores.

Often grandparents [or other relatives] like to help out with the cost of college. I think this is a great way

when making any decision it's important to understand exactly what it is you're buying

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701.271.1810

Providing

to help the student as well as offer some estate tax benefits for the grandparents. There are however some pitfalls to be aware of. If a grandparent were to pay for the tuition directly to the college, it will count dollar for dollar against any Financial Aid the student would receive for that year. It’s another case of knowing how the process works and finding the right strategy to fit the situation. One simple idea that works in some situations is to not pay for the tuition. Instead, set aside the desired amount you wanted to contribute and help pay off student loans after graduation. It won't adversely affect Financial Aid and at the same time it offers incentive for the student to graduate.

school options

When it comes time to choose the schools you want to apply to, don't rule out any on cost alone. Private colleges may be significantly more expensive at first glance, but they do have advantages. Generally speaking, private colleges will offer a larger percentage of their Financial Aid packages in the form of grants rather than loans. Grants are free money that do not need to be repaid. Private colleges are also geared more towards graduating in four years compared to public colleges. Graduating in four years from a private college can be cheaper than six years at a public school.

I've touched on just a few main points, but as you can see there are many details to take into consideration when putting together a College Plan. If you are a 'do-it-yourselfer,' there are several books to help you such as Paying For College Without Going Broke by The Princeton Review. If you're looking for some help from an advisor, do your homework. The internet is full of people who call themselves 'College Planners,' but too often they have a specific product they'd like to sell you. I'd suggest making sure they have a Certified College Planning Specialist [CCPS] designation then you know they have the educational background to help you. College is an important stepping stone into the real word and you can help your children pay for college. But don’t wait. Get informed and start your College Plan today!

1450

Securities offered through Eagle One Investments, LLC, member FINRA, SIPC

Keel and Associates and Eagle One Investments, LLC, are not affiliated entities

Eagle One Investments, LLC RIA, A Registered Investment Advisor

august events

11

Community Play Day

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Take a FREE Play Day at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 9–11am & 1–3pm! Play yard games, do a take home craft, climb on the playground & move to music outside in the sunshine!

11, 13, 18, 20, 25 & 27

Farmers' Market & Beyond

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Fresh produce, berries, herbs, meats, jellies, flowers, hand-crafted items & agriculture products will be available for purchase 4–7pm at the South Elmwood Park parking lot [500 13th Ave W, West Fargo].

13, 20 & 27

Town Square Farmers Market

218.779.1382

www.tsfarmersmarket.com

Every Saturday, through September 24, the Town Square [3rd St & DeMers Ave in Downtown Grand Forks] will be filled with a variety of vendors selling everything from fresh produce & homebaked goods to handmade jewelry & clothing.

15

Fargo Rock Concert

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Punk, Rock, Metal! Two bands! Three different nights! All ages welcome & it’s FREE! Get your friends and come out to see the areas up and coming musicians at Dike West, 7–9pm.

16

Tuesday Tunes

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Talented local musicians perform during the lunch hour [11:30am–1:30pm] outside on the park plaza in the Great Northern Park [425 N Broadway, Fargo]. Purchase tasty treats from the Clock Tower Cafe inside the Great Northern Depot. This is a FREE event!

16

Park It!

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Meet the Xcellent Art teacher at the park & create take home arts & crafts 1–4pm at Centennial Park [4101 25th St S, Fargo]. This is a FREE event!

18

Infertility Support Group for Women

218.329.2048

www.livinghopecounseling. wordpress.com

The group, meeting at 7:30–8:45pm on the 1st & 3rd Thursday of the month, will focus on educating and supporting women through the often uncharted waters of infertility - grief, anger, dealing with everyday life issues that are unique to infertility, ways to be proactive about the waiting process, dealing with doctor's appointments, etc. Call Heather Bjur with Living Hope Counseling at 218.329.2048 for more information & to register.

18 & 25

Show and Tales

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Join the Red River Zoo, 1–3pm, to enjoy a story and learn more about the Bearded Dragon on the 18th & Camels on the 25th!

19, 20 & 21

Heritage Days

218.773.3190

www.egfheritage.com

Head to Heritage Village in East Grand Forks for some fun! Events include a parade, community brunch, exhibits & demonstrations, antique tractor pull, games & live music.

21

BMX Jam

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Bikers, show off your tricks at Dike West Skate Park [310 4th St S, Fargo] starting at 4:30pm. All skill levels can participate in the exhibition. Helmets are required.

22

Dog Swim

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Celebrate the Dog Days of Summer with the Annual Dog Swim! Four-legged friends are invited to dive in and splash around with fellow dogs at the South Park Wading Pool [2102 14th St S, Moorhead]

Christopher Haman Photography Christopher Haman Photography

& Northeast Park Wading Pool [1817 8th Ave S, Moorhead] from 5–8pm. All dogs should have a collar, carry ID tags, be properly licensed, vaccinated, and in good health to participate. Admission is $2 per dog and proceeds benefit the Moorhead Dog Park.

23

CPR for Family & Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Participants will learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction, and will receive an American Heart Association participation card at Sanford Health [1711 University Dr S, Fargo] 6-9pm. Preregistration required.

24

Concordia College Corn Feed

218.299.3734

www.cord.edu/alumni

Head to Concordia College at 5:30pm for one of it’s biggest traditions. This event is open to the entire community & they will provide all the free corn you can eat! Bring whatever else food you’d like or purchase concessions available

from the Concordia Dining Service. Free entertainment includes inflatable games from Games Galore, a clown from the Fargo Entertainment Company, a Barrel train and tons of Cobber spirit! Music provided by Flatlands.

25

Nurturing Parenting Program

701.239.6720

www.ag.ndsu.edu/ casscountyextension/ home-and-family

The Nurturing Parenting Program is for families with children ages 0–5. The program teaches both parents & children how to handle feelings, communicate needs, be empathetic, take charge of one's own behavior, have fun with others, establish nurturing routines for regular family times such as bed and mealtimes, handle stress and anger and give and receive healthy touch. This 16-week program meets Thursdays 5:30–8pm at the Salvation Army [304 Roberts Street, Fargo].

26 & 27

Rollin on the River

www.rollinonthered-inline.com

Grab your friends & skate the plains. Head to Grand Forks and celebrate our unique strengths, healthy living customs & culture for skating with this two day event featuring an Inline Skating Marathon!

26 & 27

Potato Days

800.525.4901

www.potatodays.com

Lots of fun for the whole family in Barnesville. Parade, games, contests and don't forget… Mashed Potato Wrestling!

27 & 28 Island Park Show

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Bring your friends and indulge yourself! Spend a day at Island Park [302 7th St S] shopping in the shade! Find unique items, enjoy excellent food and listen to great music from 10am–5pm.

28 Streets Alive

www.fmstreetsalive.org

A 3-mile stretch of key FM streets will be closed to motorized vehicles so you can hit the streets for some fun! Walkers, bikers, runners, rollerbladers—any human -powered transportation—will fill the streets. Experience dance and fitness activities, music, juggling and art entertainment in parks and other areas along the route.

september events

1, 3, 8, 10, 15, 17, 22, 24 & 29

Farmers' Market & Beyond

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Fresh produce, berries, herbs, meats, jellies, flowers, hand-crafted items & agriculture products will be available for purchase

4–7pm at the South Elmwood Park parking lot [500 13th Ave W, West Fargo].

3, 10, 17 & 24

Town Square Farmers Market

218.779.1382

www.tsfarmersmarket.com

Every Saturday, through September 24, the Town Square [3rd St & DeMers Ave in Downtown Grand Forks] will be filled with a variety of vendors selling everything from fresh produce & homebaked goods to handmade jewelry & clothing.

8

9

Chocolate Fantasy and Chili, too!

701.232.2547

www.ywcacassclay.org

What could be better than all-you-can-eat chocolate? Add in all-you-can-eat chili [with all the fixings], live entertainment, celebrity servers, amazing silent auction & helping women and children in our community - and you've got the 28th annual Chocolate Fantasy and Chili, too! This annual fundraiser benefiting the YWCA Emergency Shelter for women and children, Chocolate Fantasy is a fun-filled event for the entire family. Tickets are $15 for adults & $5 for children in grades K–12; children younger than school-age are free!

9

Greater Moorhead Days Parade

218.299.5340

www.ci.moorhead.mn.us/parks

Everybody loves a parade! Come out and enjoy the annual Greater Moorhead Days Parade at 6pm.

with Just

Wine & Wishes

701.280.WISH [9474]

www.northdakota.wish.org

Come out to the Holiday Inn, Fargo & help support the Make-A-Wish Foundation® of North Dakota grant wishes! The fun starts at 6pm & includes wine tasting, silent auction, program, live auction & music.

10

Walk of Hope

701.293.6462

www.myfirstlink.org

Part of Suicide Awareness & Prevention

Week, FirstLink is hosting the Hope Walk. Registration begins at 1:30pm & the walk will begin at 2pm. The walk is followed by a short program back at the courtyard including music, a speaker, and open microphone time.

11

Grandparents Day

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Free Admission to the zoo for all grandparents!

12 Greater Moorhead Days Midcontinent Communications Kids Fest

218.299.5340

www.ci.moorhead.mn.us/parks

Games Galore, Clown with Balloon Animals, Penny and Pals show, Magician Jack Sand & more! Don't miss this FREE night of fall family fun at Gooseberry Park [100 22nd Ave S, Moorhead] 5:30–7:30pm!

15

Car Seat 101 for Expectant Parents

701.234.5570

www.north.sanford.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30–8pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

Brenda Jacobson

17

B.L.A.S.T Babysitter's Day Camp

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

The initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper changing techniques, also learn about when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

17

Pig 'n a Blanket

701.364.0264

www.dakotaranch.org

Dinner and Quilt auction at Davies High School. Proceeds benefit kids programs for the Dakota Boys & Girls Ranch. Quilt preview at 2pm, Dinner at 4pm & Live Auction at 5:30pm.

17

Walk to End Alzheimer's

701.277.9757

www.alz.org

Head to Rendezvous Park [3420 9th St, West Fargo] and participate in this 2 mile walk/run with the Alzheimer's Association.

Registration starts 8am.

17, 18, 24 & 25

Fall Festival

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Head to Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] for games and rides. 17th & 24th 10am–5pm and 18th & 25th Noon–5pm.

18

Streets Alive

www.fmstreetsalive.org

A 3-mile stretch of key FM streets will be closed to motorized vehicles so you can hit the streets for some fun! Walkers, bikers, runners, rollerbladers—any human -powered transportation—will fill the streets. Experience dance and fitness activities, music, juggling and art entertainment in parks and other areas along the route.

20

Take Back the Night

701.293.7273

www.raccfm.com

Take a stand against domestic violence. It all starts at 5:15pm with a community picnic at Island Park, 6:45pm rally and march at 7:15pm.

22

Parents Forever Grand Forks

701.780.8229

www.ag.ndsu.edu/ grandforkscountyextension/ home-and-family/parents-forever

A research-based educational program designed to help parents through the process of making informed, childsupportive decisions during separation & divorce, resulting in healthy children & positive parent-child relationships. $55 fee for this 4-hour course. Preregistration is required—class size is limited.

24

Reel Movies for Real Needs

701.461.8902

www.marcustheatres.com

Sometimes it is difficult or uncomfortable for families with special needs children to attend movies together.Century Cinema offers a welcoming and comfortable environment—lower sound, lights up—where families where families with children who need accommodations will be able to share the experience of seeing family friendly films at a theatre. Be there at 10:30am to see Dolphin Tale!

october events

1 Autumn Pumpkin Party

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Take part in an afternoon of fall fun at North Elmwood Park Shelter [500 13th Ave W, West Fargo] 1–3pm. Activities will include pumpkin painting, fall crafts, games & refreshments. Choose your favorite pumpkin & decorate for $3.

1, 6 & 8 Farmers' Market & Beyond

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Fresh produce, berries, herbs, meats, jellies, flowers, hand-crafted items & agriculture products will be available for purchase 9am–1pm at the South Elmwood Park parking lot [500 13th Ave W, West Fargo].

6 Car Seat 101 for Expectant Parents

701.234.5570

www.north.sanford.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30–8pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

15 Step Out: Walk to Stop Diabetes

888.342.2383

www.diabetes.org/otmom

Grab your walking shoes & get ready to join us for a fun-filled morning of exercise, food & festivities at the Scheels Arena! Registration/check-in begins at 7:30am & you'll want to arrive early to enjoy a delicious breakfast plus other fun activities including inflatable games, face painting, free massages, Zumba® demonstrations, team photos & more. Plus, new this year, a silent auction featuring exciting products from PartyLite, Silpada, Pampered Chef & much more! Following the morning festivities, enjoy a lively walk outside or in [your choice]. Inside, walk as far as you’d like, whether it’s one lap or ten. Allow approximately 30 minutes to walk before being rallied in for the final celebration ceremony. Join the movement to Stop Diabetes!

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area it is encouraged organizations submit events for consideration to info@onthemindsofmoms.com

15 Hoppin’ Hoedown

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Moms, step-moms, grandmas & aunts bring your favorite cowboy to this hoedown party. $5 for adults, $3 for boys [age 4-12]. Tickets on sale Sept. 13th at the Robert D Johnson Rec [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo].

15

Parents Forever Fargo

701.241.5700

www.ag.ndsu.edu/ casscountyextension/homeand-family/parents-forever

A research-based educational program designed to help parents through the process of making informed, childsupportive decisions during separation & divorce, resulting in healthy children & positive parent-child relationships. $55 fee for this 4-hour course. Preregistration is required—class size is limited.

21 RACC Harvest Moon Fling

701.293.7273

www.raccfm.com

Support the Rape And Abuse Crisis Center with a night of fun at the Courtyard by Marriot in Moorhead from 7–11pm. Wine Tasting, silent auction, hors d'oeuvres and live entertainment will fill the night. Call or go online to purchase tickets.

22 Moonlight Monster Mash

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Vampires, ghosts & skeletons welcome at Fargo Youth Commission [2500 18th St S, Fargo] 6:30–9pm. All participants are encouraged to wear a costume & dance the night away. Explore the haunted attic, play ghoulish games & trick-or-treat for some spooky snacks. Enjoy a live DJ all night long & a spooktacular entertainment show at 7:30pm. Parental supervision required.

29

Night Eyes Halloween Event

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Come in costume & enjoy trick-or-treating throughout the Zoo along with other spooky activities from 4–7pm.

what’s fordinner?

story by | laura raymond, ph.d.

Let’s see... something healthy, with vitamins, minerals, protein, and mercury— wait, what? Yes, fish have all of these and, ounce for ounce, are one of the healthiest foods you can eat. But many women are afraid of eating fish during pregnancy because of misinformation about the risks of mercury exposure. In actuality, however, there is greater evidence that avoiding fish consumption is more harmful than any perceived risks from mercury because ocean fish contain nutrients that are essential for our health! This may seem confusing or even contradictory, but once the misunderstandings are explained, it’s all very clear—Americans, especially pregnant and nursing women, need to eat more fish!

the benefits of eating fish

Fish and seafood offer more than just variety to our diets. Ocean fish are a source of many important nutrients that promote cardiovascular health and fetal and childhood development. Ocean fish and other seafood are not only great sources of vitamins, minerals, and protein, but they contain omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids [PUFAs]. The importance of the omega-3s

in fish can’t be overstated, especially when it comes to fetal and childhood development.

Omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids are distinct families of PUFAs that are essential for human growth, development and many other aspects of health. These fats aren’t the type that add pounds; they have very important roles in our cells. Each PUFA family has specific functions that cannot be replaced by each other or by other types of fats. But since our bodies can’t make them, they must be obtained from our diets. The omega-6 family is abundant in our diets and is found in plants, vegetable oils, and meat. The omega-3 family is less abundant in the foods we typically eat. The critical omega-3 fatty acids, eicosapentaenoic acid [EPA] and docosahexaenoic acid [DHA], are almost exclusively obtained from fish and seafood.

Here’s the problem. Overall, the omega-3s and omega-6s have counterbalancing roles in our body and our diets have evolved from nearly equal proportions of each to now eating as much as 10–50 times more omega-6s than omega-3s. This imbalance has been attributed to many diseases and disorders, including cardiovascular

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

disease, the regulation of lipid levels, immune function, autoimmune diseases, diabetes, osteoporosis, chronic inflammation, arthritis, respiratory diseases, visual problems, cancer, abnormal neuronal development, and several brain and mental disorders that are linked to depression, suicide and violence. In fact, cross-national comparison studies, including the United States and Canada, showed that low fish consumption was associated with higher incidences of major depression, postpartum depression, bipolar disorders, and homicide. These studies prompted clinical trials to be done and together the results were so convincing that the American Psychiatric Association began recommendations for people with major depression and other mental health conditions to take daily omega-3 supplements in addition to their medications.

But that’s only part of the story. Maternal levels of omega-3s are extremely important during pregnancy and nursing. Omega-3 fatty acids make up more than one-half of a newborn baby’s brain mass, and the DHA content of an infant’s brain triples during the first 3 months of life and continues to increase in the cerebral cortex through age 18. The retina of the eyes contains as much as 65% DHA, and infants who do not receive enough during development will have suboptimal visual acuity. Alarmingly, breast milk assessments of over 30 countries showed the United States as having nearly the lowest DHA levels—even lower than South Africa and many other poverty-stricken countries.

Many epidemiological studies have been performed throughout the world, including the US, to assess the long-term effects of prenatal mercury exposure from fish consumption. Several of these studies involve hundreds or thousands of participants and some have been ongoing for over 20 years. These studies have reported that children of mothers who limited their fish intake during pregnancy demonstrated poor social behavior and lower scores in verbal IQ, fine motor skills, and communication skills. Greater beneficial effects were indicated from the mothers with the highest ocean fish consumption.

Further evidence shows that effects from low omega-3’s are also noted in children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD, such as increased learning and behavioral problems, frequency of temper tantrums, greater anxiety and sleep disorders. Since DHA is transferred to the child during pregnancy and nursing, if mom isn’t getting enough from her diet, her

DID YOU KNOW?

Because of United Way donors, over 8,000 local children in our community receive a free book in the mail every month through

What is Imagination Library?

Imagination Library is a program funded by United Way of Cass-Clay that focuses on preparing children for success in school. Register today and every month, one free book will be mailed to your family’s home thanks to United Way of Cass-Clay.

Who is eligible to register?

Children birth to age five who live in Cass or Clay County.

DHA levels may become depleted, so less will be available for her and for additional pregnancies. It has been shown that women who have had several children have less DHA in their tissues than women having their first baby. If not replaced, these losses increase her risk for many disorders too, including postpartum depression. Perinatal or postpartum depression affects 15%–20% of pregnant women in the United States, and research suggests low omega-3 levels may have a critical role, especially in association with multiple pregnancies.

the risks from mercury in fish

Because mercury is part of the natural environment, it is present in the oceans. Humans also release mercury into the environment through combustion processes for industry and power production. Once deposited in the soil or water, mercury becomes methylated by bacteria and is introduced into the food chain. The levels accumulate as smaller creatures are eaten by larger ones. This is why older, larger fish are likely to have higher levels in their tissue. Minor negative effects from prenatal mercury exposure were reported in a study conducted in the Faroe Islands, but the source of mercury was from pilot whale consumption, not fish. This is an important distinction since whale meat does not offer the same beneficial nutrients as fish. However, this report is often misrepresented and a primary source for misinformation about mercury exposure risks.

Ocean fish typically contain less than 0.5ppm of mercury, although levels exceeding 1ppm do occur in individual fish of certain species. However, concern for harm stems from catastrophic events in Japan where huge quantities of mercury were dumped into the local bay, resulting in poisonous levels in the fish exceeding 50ppm and 200ppm of mercury in fish organs. Consumption of these caused severe mercury toxicity. This event commenced the awareness of mercury’s potential harm, launching decades of research directed at understanding mercury exposure risks. Although the low methylmercury [MeHg] levels in ocean fish have not been associated with neurodevelopmental harm, fish consumption advisories were developed with the intent to err on the side of caution to ensure protection of the most sensitive individuals: developing babies.

It is important to know that the advisories were developed as a guideline to help minimize mercury exposure, not to minimize the benefits of fish. This has led to an unfortunate and unintended consequence:

the confusion and misinterpretation of the guidelines, resulting in avoidance of fish consumption.

so, what do the guidelines really say?

Many federal and worldwide agencies recommend increased fish consumption or omega-3 supplements during pregnancy. The American Medical Association, the American Mental Health Association, and the Child Health Foundation all recommend pregnant and nursing moms should be consuming around 1000mg/day of omega-3’s containing a minimum of 200mg of DHA.

The US Food and Drug Administration [FDA] encourages pregnant and nursing moms to eat 12oz of ocean fish weekly for the health of their babies but avoid the four fish that are known to be the highest in mercury: swordfish, shark, tilefish, and king mackerel. Since many moms don’t get enough omega-3’s from their diets, supplements are a recommended alternative, but food is always the best choice. Likewise, FDA recommends that young children eat a variety of fish but follow the same guidelines as those for pregnant women because their brains are still developing. Infant formulas are supplemented with omega-3’s in over 70 countries, but in the US, infant formulas only contain omega-3’s if it is stated on the label.

For the rest of the population, there are no FDA recommendations to avoid any ocean fish. The FDA does advocate checking local advisories for varieties of fish you catch yourself.

still worried?

Research shows that the amount of the mineral selenium found in ocean fish is also an important consideration when assessing the risks from mercury. Like omega-3s, selenium is vital for development and our health, but it has the added benefit of counteracting mercury risks. The harmful effects from mercury exposures have only been observed when mercury levels are higher than the amounts of selenium present [such as pilot whale]. Although this phenomenon has been known for many years, understanding how and why this happens is an important but fairly recent research discovery. The presence of selenium is now known to be one of the reasons the mercury in ocean fish is not associated with causing harm. Fortunately, almost all varieties of ocean fish and seafood are rich sources of dietary selenium and comprise 17 of the top 25 sources of selenium. Therefore, thanks to Mother Nature, most ocean fish offer abundant natural protection against

the mercury they also contain. Unfortunately, Mother Nature is also fickle. Lakes and rivers may not have these high levels of selenium and some lakes can contain higher amounts of mercury, so more research is being performed on “freshwater” fish.

Overall, ocean fish are safe to eat, but if you’re pregnant or nursing, just avoid the four fish listed by the FDA and follow local advisories for eating freshwater fish until more is known about their selenim status. So, now when facing that dreaded question “Mom, what’s for dinner?”, the answer is simple: “Fish!”

more info

To learn more about the benefits and risks of eating certain fish, the documentary Fish, Mercury, and Nutrition: The Net Effects will be aired September 8th at 8:00pm on your local Prairie Public Broadcasting station. The documentary, funded by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration [NOAA] and Prairie Public Broadcasting [PPB], Fargo, North Dakota, is a coproduction of PPB and the Energy & Environmental Research Center, Grand Forks, North Dakota, and will be available to be viewed on each of their websites.

ALicensed Acupuncturist and co-owner of Two Turtles Wellness Center in Moorhead, MN, Jen DeMaio [38] grew up in Fargo, ND with a passion for being a positive change in the world and providing a service to help others change their lives With a curious mind and a need to heal, Jen left the state to earn her education and ultimately spent time studying abroad at the Nan Jing International Acupuncture Training Centre in Nan Jing, China She inevitably returned to the area and for the past 8 years has been practicing acupuncture and guiding people to a healthier way of life Along with her husband of 9 years and fellow acupuncturist, Steve Spader, Jen runs their practice and is committed to providing quality care to the Fargo-Moorhead community by making acupuncture accessible to all individuals Jen specializes in working with women and kids and prides herself on bringing humor and honesty into her everyday work In her spare time Jen enjoys playing soccer, running with friends, practicing yoga, knitting, spending time with her two growing boys, Gabe [7] and Cole [4], and making memories with friends and family

photos: rialee photography | jaci kulish

two turtles wellness center

what is Two Turtles Wellness Center?

Two Turtles is a complimentary medical clinic specializing in Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine. It is also a resource center. We are constantly making referrals for our patients.

what made you decide to open a wellness center such as this?

When you graduate with a Master’s Degree to practice acupuncture, you kind of need to figure out what you want to do. We get this incredible degree with very little training in running a business. We ended up in the FM area by accident. I really wasn't interested in returning to my hometown, but when I was pregnant with our eldest son, we were living in Coeur d'Alene, ID practicing. Steve and I wanted to be closer to family and wanted to land in St. Paul. But, we followed the path of least resistance and set up camp here where we had friends and family.

how did you choose the name and logo for your business?

I remember the road trip when Steve and I came up with the name; leaving Portland to visit family here in Fargo. We thought we needed a name that could move with us [had ideals about moving frequently being “traveling acupuncturists”]. But the reality of business and children made that ideal dwindle. A friend of ours in Coeur d'Alene made the logo. We wanted the yin yang symbol and she created it with two turtles.

what three words best describe Two Turtles Wellness Center?

To patients: serene, relaxing and healing. To me: fun, family oriented and constantly needing organizing! how long have you been in business?

Moorhead for 8 years, but a total of 11 years. how many employees do you have?

Currently in the clinic it is only Steve and I. We have two massage therapist available for scheduling through the center and other massage therapists that rent rooms from us. We have had employees in the past, but I actually experienced more stress with employees. Our patients have been “patient” with us during this time as we tend to run late without staff.

what degrees/certifications have you earned?

I’ve earned my bachelors of Science degree in Biology from Brescia College in Owensboro, KY and then went on to the Oregon College of Oriental Medicine [OCOM] in Portland, OR where I received a Master's Degree in Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine.

what is your wellness philosophy?

Our bodies are innately designed to heal themselves. We often need assistance in this healing, to help remind the body how to function optimally. Also, and I know people don't like this part, but we need to make adjustments to our diet and stress management skills. I tell patients every day; Stress and Diet are two things you can control. I look at myself as a teacher and facilitator. Our body is a complex organism and is affected by many facets. Our emotions, environment, food, stress and spiritual path can all affect the physical body.

what kind of services do you offer?

We offer acupuncture, herbs, nutrition consultation, NET [Neuro Emotional Technique], Nutritional Response Testing, Acutonics, Community Acupuncture, Facial Renewal Acupuncture and Pediatric Acupuncture.

what are your specialties and what are you most known for?

Women's Health and Pediatrics. I think a lot of friends and past clients know I prefer working with

women. Having a guy working with me allows me to filter women's health clients my way. I seem to get a lot of fertility clients too.

are you by appointment only or do you accept walk-ins?

Kind of both. During Community Acupuncture Clinics, we can accept walk-ins, but there may be a wait. Most clients are by appointment only. explain Chinese/Oriental Medicine and what makes it unique?

It all comes down to our bodies always striving for harmony and balance within ourselves and with our environment. Acupuncture and all of the other treatments and recommendations that we make are focused on helping the body regain this balance. This is obviously a much different way of looking at and treating the body than conventional Western medicine, though there is a time and place for everything.

do you treat all ages? yes

what is the biggest misconception of your business?

That acupuncture hurts. People think “needles” and assume sharp stabbing pain. Acupuncture is not like that. One may feel a pin prick or mosquito bite sensation when the needle is inserted. Once the needle is in place, a dull ache or numbness and tingling are normal. Most people don’t feel anything except relaxation.

how do you and your husband separate you’re working and personal relationship?

Great question!!! Always trying to figure that one out! Having our own separate projects or hobbies has helped a lot.

what business knowledge do you have now that you wish you had in the beginning?

Like the tortoise; slow and steady wins the race. I had no business skills when opening our first practice. Trying something and seeing if it works, then readjusting our plan if needed. We struggled for a few years; working part time jobs. Once we decided we are supposed to have fun, our business grew by leaps and bounds.

where do you see Two Turtles Wellness Center in 10 years?

We hope to have our own building in which the acupuncture clinic will be the majority of the building with one to two additional acupuncturists. Thinking big, we envision an alternative, new age, bookstore, smoothie bar and therapeutic tea house. My husband and I have spent over half our lives being environmentalists, pacifists, and living an alternative lifestyle. We intend to expand our center to help facilitate change for the community on many levels. Sustainability is important to us and we hope to expand in order to serve the community in this way.

what is your strongest business skill?

My husband says impeccable customer service and innovation with creating new programs or concepts at the clinic. Most of the time I feel like I am winging it! what do you hope to teach your kids by being your own boss?

Not necessarily about being your own boss, but to have fun and love what you do. I spend a lot of time taking life too seriously that I miss out on life; I don’t want that for my boys. They come to the office and see that we have fun and laugh and help people feel better. I want them to know that everyone makes a difference especially when we live with passion and purpose.

how have your kids benefited from you owning your own business?

One of us is at home with them. We have somehow avoided daycare and feel quite proud of that. what advice would you share with other woman considering the mompreneur title? Go for it! It is best to live your dreams and make mistakes then never to try and live life never knowing.

Two Turtles Wellness Center 810 4th Ave S. #100

Moorhead, MN 56560

218.287.4501

www.2turtleswellness.com

Hours: M, W, Th 10 - 6

T, F 8 - 1

YOUR LIFESTYLE

Designer Homes combines all of the finest elements of custom design with your personal tastes, wants and needs to create a custom home that is uniquely yours. So, if you are thinking of a master bedroom made to be a retreat, a kitchen to suit all occasions from entertaining guests to relaxing after a day of work, a breakfast bar for the kids or the home theatre of your dreams Designer Homes has a home to fit your lifestyle We’re not just building you a custom home We are simplifying life.

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701.492.5057

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photo: thuen design | scott thuen

grilled curry chicken & charred romaine salad with pumpkin seed oil & smoky citrus dressing

Have you grilled, served and eaten enough burgers and brats this summer to stop you in your tracks? Well, never fear a fresh, new grilling recipe is here. With a few months of grilling season left, consider lightening the calorie load and fire this up!

Serves 4

you need:

2 hearts of Romaine cut in half [the inside core of the head, often sold in packs of three]

1 tbsp pumpkin seed oil

1 lemon cut in half

4 chicken breasts

2 tbsp curry powder olive oil salt & pepper to taste scallions for garnish toasted pepitas [pumpkin seeds]

how to:

1. Preheat grill to med-high heat.

2. Drizzle olive oil over the chicken. Rub with curry powder and add a little salt and pepper.

3. Grill on med-high heat until cooked through [about5-6 minutes].

4. While the chicken is grilling, place lemon on the grill cut side down.

5. Drizzle romaine with pumpkin seed oil, a little salt and pepper.

6. Take chicken & lemon off of the grill and set aside. Quickly grill romaine just until some leaves are charred. The lettuce will be a bit soft and wilty, but some greens will remain cool and crunchy.

7. To serve, place your whole ½ heart of romaine on a plate. Slice chicken breast and place over romaine. Squeeze charred lemon over plate to give a smoky citrus flavor. Garnish with scallions & pepitas.

rialee photography

skyloft photography

countryside photography

tiny sprout portraits

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christopher haman photography

tiny sprout portraits skyloft photography

The oldest son of Arvid and Mary Ann, Brian Berg grew up with two brothers [Mike and Jeff] and has lived in Fargo since the wee age of two Residing on the north side of Fargo for over 35 years, Brian is a proud Oak Grove Lutheran High School and NDSU School of Architecture graduate Currently principle architect at Zerr Berg Architects, he has been providing architectural programming, design and project management throughout the region for over 15 years In 2006, after 20 years of service, Brian retired from the North Dakota Army National Guard where he also played the trumpet in the 188th Army Band Today Brian and his wife of 20 years, Marea, have three children, Tyler [16], Justin, [12] and Kara [9] In his free time, Brian can be found coaching his son’s basketball team, hunting, fishing, reading, still playing his trumpet and spending time with his family

photos: rialee photography | andrea burner

rad dad brianberg age43,fargond

I am not embarrassed to admit…

I love to cook and I’m a huge Vikings fan! the store i frequent the most… Barnes and Noble and/or Best Buy. two things that i am good at… playing the trumpet and spending time with my family. the funniest person i know… my son Tyler.

my father always told me…

“Early is on time, on time is late, and late is unforgivable.”

What s cares one of football’s toughest linebackers?

Concussion in youth sports.

“I’m a big fan of how youth sports can help kids stay physically fit. But as an athlete and a parent, I’m also very concerned about safety. Millions of sports-related concussions happen every year and many go unrecognized. That’s alarming because the wrong treatment can slow recovery, worsen the condition, or lead to permanent damage. Please learn the facts about concussions and help protect our young athletes.”

–Chad Greenway, Minnesota Vikings

sanfordhealth.org/headsup

our date night rule… no garlic on the menu. the type of food i’m a big fan of… anything on the grill.

my profession allows me to… interact with all sorts of people while helping them develop and design building projects of all types. people might be surprised that…

I have my private pilot license and I’m working on my instrument rating.

something i admire but would never do… ride in the Tour de France.

one day i want my wife to experience… a world where everyone in our family picks up after themselves!

the radio station i tune into the most… KFAN 740

outside of work you can find me… with Marea chasing kids to activities, reading, spending time at the lake. as a family we can’t get enough of… basketball and gymnastics. the three words my kids would use to describe me are… comical, generous and loving.

my magazine of choice… Plane & Pilot

the vehicle that best describes me… is my Buick Enclave. It rides like a car and pulls like a truck.

dandelionroar!

story by | angela smith

Iadore dandelions. I admit it. I look at them and I don't see weeds. I see flowers in every sense of the word. I love the way they brighten up a lawn and it makes me sad to see lawns, hillsides any green area without them. They are beautiful, happy, wonderful little bursts of sunshine and childhood scattered across lawns and fields poking up in sidewalk cracks and anywhere else that they can take root. We actually have one growing out of the oak tree in our front yard at the moment and I chuckle every time I look at it.

My husband is forbidden to kill them and at any given time between the months of May and October you

can walk into my house and find jars, glasses, vases, anything that holds water filled with them.

To me they represent spring and summer at its very best but more than that they represent childhood and all the innocence and love that comes with it. My favorite thing about spring is that first fistful of dandelions that any one or all of my kids brings in to give me. They walk in beaming at the beautiful gift they were able to pick with their own little hands and offer me.

I have the first dandelion my oldest son ever gave me pressed in my journal. I still remember the day. It was late April in 1997 and he wasn't quite 2-years-old yet. We were out for a walk and he stopped as most toddlers

do and bent down to look at the ground. When he came up he offered me the most beautiful flower I had ever seen clutched tightly in his little chubby fingers. It was a bright yellow dandelion. It perfectly reflected the sunshine in his big brown eyes and to me it was more valuable than a vase full of the most exotic, fragrant flowers the world had to offer. He’s taller than I am now and doesn’t bring me dandelions anymore, both of which make me sad, but thanks to that one pressed flower I will always have a cherished memory and a piece of his childhood. That single flower is at least as precious to me as his first pair of shoes or the outfit he came home from the hospital in. Maybe more so because it wasn’t something that was put upon him, it was something he spontaneously picked and gave to me. It was because of that innocent childhood gesture I learned what most moms know...dandelions roar, giggle, smile and sing!

That tiny burst of yellow is a roaring reminder of the sunshine that radiates from your child's smile and the music that is their laugh as they run across a field of dandelion puffs blowing and kicking them up into the air. They roar with the heartfelt enthusiasm and love that is offered from a tiny little hand as they reach up and hand you a bouquet full of them.

That is why my husband is forbidden to kill them and why I correct anyone who calls them a weed. Because to me they are flowers in every sense of the word and I am as proud of my overflowing windowsill of jars, glasses, bowls or whatever else my children can find to put them in, as I am of my best vase overflowing with roses from my hubby.

So whether they are a weed or a flower in your world I hope the next time you see one you'll stop, think, remember, smile and take a moment to smell the dandelions.

This section is dedicated to capturing your parent thoughts. Want to share what’s on your mind? Submit your article idea to info@onthemindsofmoms.com along with a short bio for consideration in an upcoming issue.

makeupmayhem

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

We spend money on it. Get up early to use it. Some wouldn’t think of leaving the house without it! So, something we are willing to invest in, committed to losing sleep over and devoted to, should be good for us too, right? But could your makeup actually be harmful?

Dating back to Egyptian times, women used makeup. They painted their eyes, applying dark color under the eyelid and blackening their eyelashes with items such as charcoal. They even used natural henna [a flowering plant] for nail polish. Today, makeup is a multi-billion dollar industry with new products entering the scene each year. For many women, makeup is more than just adding some color or shading here and there. A 2009 survey of 4,000 women in the US and four European countries found:

• 82% believe wearing makeup makes them feel more self confident

• 86% believe wearing makeup improves their self image

I don’t think these statistics are surprising. Do you? When you think you look good, you feel better about

yourself. The basic premise of makeup is just that; to make you look good or better or more attractive [in the eye of the beholder of course]. But what’s in this stuff we use to minimize, cover up, emphasize and beautify? What if the goo, powder, cream, lotion, gunk or balm we are using makes us look good, but contains some not so good ingredients?

who’s watchin’

In our world of labels, disclaimers, watchdog organizations, TV shows and practices in place to provide transparency and protection of the general public, you would only assume the FDA [Food and Drug Administration] is responsible for making sure items that are used on such a regular basic, like makeup are safe, but that isn’t necessarily the case. The FDA cannot require a cosmetic company to test for safety. Instead they can conduct pre-market reviews, but only for certain color additives and active ingredients in cosmetics classified as over-the-counter drugs. Now, the cosmetic industry does have its own review panel, but its recommendations are not binding for companies.

There are ingredients in these products considered unsafe in other countries that can be found on our shelves. In fact, there are more than 500 products sold in the US that contain ingredients that are banned in other countries such as Canada and Japan. Our skin is our largest organ and it absorbs directly into the bloodstream up to 60% of the chemicals in products that it comes into contact with. You need to be your own watchdog! Here are just a couple common items found on makeup labels that might surprise you:

• fragrance The listing of fragrance on a label seems simple, but it can actually indicate the presence of up to 4,000 different ingredients! Federal law doesn’t require companies to list on product labels these individual ingredients even though many can be toxic or carcinogenic. Fragrances are also among the top five allergens in the world!

• mineral oil [petrolatum, petroleum] Used as an emollient or lubricant and derived from crude oil, mineral oil can suffocate the skin by forming an oil film. Our skin needs to breath and these products can inhibit that. The European Union has banned

petrolatum from use in cosmetics. So why do you still see it in the US? It is unbelievably cheap!

Reading product labels can be confusing, especially when you can’t pronounce a majority of the words. Check out the Environmental Working Group’s [EWG] Skin Deep cosmetic database at www.ewg.org/skindeep to search product and ingredient safety. EWG is a non-profit based in Washington, DC and their website states:

At EWG, our team of scientists, engineers, policy experts, lawyers and computer programmers pores over government data, legal documents, scientific studies and our own laboratory tests to expose threats to your health and the environment, and to find solutions. Our research brings to light unsettling facts that you have a right to know.

Since 2004, EWG has used a rating system to let consumers know the safety of 68,032 products and 2,868 brands. Search for cosmetic and personal care products such as makeup, shampoo, baby products, sunscreen, lip balm and everything in between. This is a great place to start evaluating your products.

701.373.0899

body & being

what’s a girl to do

Recent trends have seen makeup evolve away from harsh chemicals and move toward green alternatives. One very popular option today is mineral makeup. You might be surprised to know that mineral makeup has actually been around for over 30 years. Made from pure, crushed minerals, mineral makeup can be found in powdered, pressed and liquid forms. It was originally used by plastic surgeons and dermatologists, but has become extremely popular with celebrity endorsements and infomercials singing the praises of mineral makeup.

Lisa Mercil, owner of Urban Hair in South Moorhead, offers Bare Escentuals® [also known as bareMinerals®] in her salon and has also used the product for over 7 years. “The most important thing to know about Bare Escentuals is that their products are very natural with no irritating preservatives, fillers or binders.”

Pure mineral makeup has no man made components, is hypoallergenic and won’t clog your pores. “It’s really makeup that you can sleep in,” Lisa says. “Not only does Bare Escentuals make you look incredible today, but it helps protect your skin for years to come as it includes SPF to help prevent sun damage.”

One knock against mineral makeup can be the cost. But, while the upfront cost may be more than traditional makeup, mineral makeup has a much longer shelf life, which can end up saving you money in the long run. And at Urban Hair, they offer a punch card promotion with Bare Escentuals purchases. Once you have purchased $100 of product, you receive 10% off your next Bare Escentuals purchase.

be beautiful

Makeup has come a long way over the years, but it remains a constant staple for women. It’s even considered “recession proof” meaning we will find a way to pay for our makeup regardless of financial times. So, be beautiful, but make sure your beauty potions are good for you inside and out!

701-356-1299

Brooke Erstad, PT, DPT

Kameron Ihry Hodem, PT, DPT

because matters… nice

story by | kathleen wrigley

My sister-in-law, Tanya, gave me a sign for Christmas last year. Its inscription is simple, but important. It reads, “because nice matters…”

We all know this. We don’t necessarily need any urging from others. Being nice is a bit like chocolate—one taste is never enough and it makes everyone happy. Kindness is contagious. And, it’s universally understood, no matter where you live or what language you speak. Mark Twain

had it right, “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

It’s not always practiced, but it is valued by most. A couple of years ago I was part of a group email that got quite heated and mean. To their credit, many of the recipients went on with their day without engaging in the conflict. There were a select few who continued to provoke the group with their nasty replies. To add to it, the unkind responses were sent to “all” on the email

just a thought

chain. I stewed for a while, and then crafted a message that attempted to be positive and productive...and, well nicer in tone. I—almost—felt the [cyber] pat-on-the-head and was told that I was “naïve,” among other things.

On a recent trip through the coffee drive-up window a chipper, heavily caffeinated, very polite voice greeted each customer with the low-down of the day’s specials. Only this time, he was interrupted mid-sentence by an exhausted, coffee-starved, rushed mom of three who blurted out her order with gusto: “ No thanks, I’d like a Venti bold with extra cream and three Splendas. That’s all. Nothing else. Thank you.” The car practically peeled around the corner to collect her liquid gold.

The rude emails stopped…or, they took me off their list, for a time. Either way, I got calls, emails, and texts thanking me for trying to change the tone.

When it comes to being nice, we’re all human and slip up from time to time. There are moments when it takes an inscription on a sign—or a freckle-faced 10 year old—to remind us that “nice matters.” As parents, we drill this into our kids’ heads, “be kind…be nice… that’s mean.” Lest we think they’re blowing us off… they hear us!

That customer was me. I was in a mad-dash to get the kids to their activities…and did I mention in desperate need of a java jolt? Excuses aside…

My daughter, Quinn, jumped to the defense of the high-spirited barista quoting the sign in our home, “ah-hem, mom ‘ because nice matters…’ you were kinda rude to that guy and probably hurt his feelings. He’s just doing his job.” GULP

Nobody dishes out a dose of humility quite like a child.

I was embarrassed. “You’re right, honey. I was rude, wasn’t I? I’ll fix it.” I immediately apologized for sounding rushed and not very nice. Fortunately for me, the

when it comes to being nice, we’re all human and slip up from time to time

server was courteous. He accepted my apology…and even thanked me for it! WOW—NOW, THAT’S NICE.

I have thought about that experience many times since then, especially when my impulse is teetering on ill-mannered.

Being nice is contagious and basic. It’s not always easy, and may require some caffeine at times, but it really does matter. In fact, being kind shows its own strength. We should never confuse it with being weak or naïve.

Humans crave “nice.” Most of the world is kind. If you’re nice, people will ignore just about anything—a soggy cheeseburger when you ordered the pizza, traffic blunders, or even a rude, rushed customer. A nice affect will almost always deflect a nasty response. We refer friends to businesses with nice people. And, heck, I’ve even spent more money on things I didn’t know I “needed” when the salesperson seems genuine!

It makes sense! Whether you’re in business, sales, or just an average mom in need of caffeine, being nice puts us on top.

And, if that’s not enough—there are even health benefits to being nice! Social Scientists have researched and studied the effects of being kind. Results show that simply being nice:

• decreases stress-related health problems

• increases our sense of self-worth, optimism, and happiness

• promotes a healthy immune system

• decreases our awareness and sensitivity of physical pain

• may reverse feelings of depression, hostility and isolation [who wants to be around someone mean!]

• and provides people with a helper’s high

For Pete’s sake, do it for your health! Politely grab your cup of Joe and spread your smiles…”because nice matters.”

Kathleen is a stay-at-home mom who serves on a number of community boards/committees, is active in her church, kids’ school, and politics and runs to sustain her own mental health! This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth generation North Dakotan, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speech writer. Kathleen received a BS from The Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University, in Philadelphia.

TV ads. You see them every day, but how often do you know a family who’s in one?

Meet Jennifer Vigen-Iverson, 5-year-old Carter and 9-year-old MacKenzie. They and other families star in Sanford Children’s free-spirited commercials that put you in the whimsical world of a child.

“Where we’re free to imagine, explore and discover...” says the narrator. “Where we dream big and transform our world.”

For Jennifer, it’s more than just a commercial. Her connection with Sanford Children’s began in 1995 when she started her nursing career in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. In 2001 she transitioned to Sanford Children’s Clinic, where today she works three 12-hour shifts a week—and loves it.

Carter’s scenes included looking through a book with Jennifer, standing next to Dr. Tiongson, and at the end watching MacKenzie jump on the exam table.

“That’s the moment when she transforms into a rock star,” says Jennifer, laughing. The commercial includes animation, giving it that magical, everything-is-possible feel.

the real world at Children’s

In her 16 years at Sanford Children’s, Jennifer has seen the remarkable difference when children receive care that’s just for them and provided by board-certified pediatricians—the perfect blend of art and science.

“Kids are often scared when they come to the doctor’s. We always give them time to explore, whether that means getting a closer look at the stethoscope or talking about the colorful, kid-friendly surroundings,” she says. “Making it a fun experience is key.”

hollywood to hillsboro from

“I have the best of both worlds—I get to enjoy kids on the job, then for four days I’m home with my own,” she says.

Jennifer and her husband, Marty, live in Hillsboro, ND, with their four children: Carter, MacKenzie, 14-year-old Zachary and 17-month-old Alexis.

lights, camera, action!

On May 21st, the family of six traveled to Sioux Falls to shoot the TV commercial.

“It was a fun trip,” says Jennifer. “We took in the zoo and water park on Saturday. By early Sunday, MacKenzie, Carter and I were at Children’s Hospital for filming.”

The commercial shows MacKenzie getting an eye exam from Sanford pediatrician Dr. Chris Tiongson. The scene was shot and re-shot, making sure every movement was just right.

“I think that was the biggest surprise to MacKenzie and Carter—just how many times it takes to capture one scene,” says Jennifer.

But children’s health care is serious, too. “It’s important that kids stay up-to-date on their immunizations and they get the appropriate treatment when they’re sick or injured,” she says. “In our own family we’ve so appreciated the extended hours of the Children’s Walk-In. All the services needed are in one location.”

“mom when will we be on?”

Carter expected to see himself on TV as soon as he got home to Hillsboro that Sunday evening.

“I explained to him that it takes time to put all the pieces together, but it would be on TV this summer,” says Jennifer.

Catch the ad! And know that at Sanford Children’s, kids of all ages are the rock stars that light the world. Shine on!

photo: rialee photography | lindsey johnson

livingleadership patricia patron

story by | patricia carlson

Next summer, a remodeled and expanded clinic will re-open its doors in downtown Fargo. To patients who use and will use its services, and to people who will drive past the non-profit organization’s shiny, new doors, it may be just another medical clinic. But to one particular woman, the clinic’s grand re-opening will be the culmination of years of hard work. It will showcase the spirit of one of our area’s most innovative leaders; a woman who left behind her family and native country, moved to the United States unable to speak English, and found a passion to serve and speak for those who too often do not have a voice.

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

Patricia Patron’s story begins in Colombia; a beautiful and geographically diverse country in South America but also one plagued by political and drug-fueled violent conflicts. She had a lovely childhood, growing up the oldest of three children in Bogota, deep in the Colombian mountains. Her parents describe her as happy, creative, studious and a natural-born leader.

Patricia was especially close to her dad, Efren, in part, because she started working with him when she was 12-years-old. He was an accountant and as soon as she was old enough, he taught Patricia how to keep his books. “By the time I graduated high school, I was like a make-believe accountant!” she exclaims.

Her dad’s hard work also allowed her the opportunity to major in business at the local university. “Education is not that accessible to everyone,” explains Patricia. “It is very expensive so when your family can actually afford for you to go to college, it’s a big, big deal.”

While attending college, the brother of one of Patricia’s friends set her up on a blind date. He told her there was a guy studying to be a doctor who had seen her on campus and was interested in taking her out on a date. Although reluctant, Patricia finally agreed. “So I said if we go to the dance club as a group, I’ll go, but if I get bored, then you have to drive me home.”

Turns out this matchmaker was feeding the same story to his friend Roberto. “Roberto later told me the brother told him that there was this girl who really wanted to meet him and so he was basically setting us up!”

As far as blind dates go, this one couldn’t have started worse- at least for Patricia. “He comes to my house to pick me up and I get in the car and sit in the front seat and I say, ‘Hello,’ and this guy is just looking at me not saying anything and I’m thinking, ‘Oh, this is gonna be baaaaad! This guy isn’t even speaking!’”

But to hear Roberto tell it, it was love at first sight, despite his initial limited conversational skills and very uncool car. “I picked her up in my mother's car, a Chevy Sprint, like a Geo Metro. I was a broke, unemployed medical student,” he says. “She was absolutely drop dead gorgeous that night.”

When they got to the club, Patricia was blown away by his knowledge, friendliness and humor. “I just found this incredible individual who could really keep a conversation going and was super interesting.”

Patricia and Roberto shared their first kiss that night. “I have been in love with her since the moment I saw her getting in my mother’s car,” Roberto says.

After three-and-a-half years together, Roberto asked Patricia to marry him. But saying yes meant leaving her family and Colombia. Roberto had always wanted to practice medicine in the United States [with the intent of returning to Colombia one day to establish a practice] and had landed a prestigious residency. Patricia would be moving to a foreign country filled with an unfamiliar language and unfamiliar faces.

And there was one very important person in Patricia’s life whom she had an especially emotional time saying goodbye to - her dad. “I was very worried for her because she was leaving to an unknown land and I knew that was not going to be easy for her,” Efren says. “My advice to her was to always be honest and to respect the laws and customs of the United States. Also, never to forget where she comes from, her cultural background, her land, and her family that gave her education, values, and supported her to get to where she was at when she was ready to leave Colombia.”

a world away

One week after their wedding in 1994, the couple moved to the US. “There were many challenges,” Roberto recalls. “Including the language, the lack of friends and family, no credit history, not much cash, the culture, the food, the weather.”

Patricia dove into learning the language. She started an English as a Second Language program and then enrolled in the local community college taking familiar business classes. “That was what I knew so I didn’t have to pay attention to the content, or what they were saying,” she says. “I just had to pay attention to how they were saying it.”

Over the next 2 years, Patricia became accustomed to life in the US and more familiar with English. The couple also welcomed their first child, a son named Sebastian and anticipated their return to Colombia. However, political and drug-related violent conflicts were ravaging their homeland and no one was safe, including Patricia and Roberto’s families.

During the height of the violence, Patricia’s father was being blackmailed and her uncle and aunt were kidnapped by rebels. The rebels eventually released

Patricia’s aunt but they killed her uncle. It created wounds from which Patricia is still trying to heal.

“It’s very traumatic to have something like that happen to your family. I remember trying to comprehend how it happened so close to home,” Patricia recalls, adding that the incident forever altered the way she viewed life in her home country. “I’d never thought about leaving because of violence but I was forced to stay away because of it.”

Even if they wanted to return, Patricia and Roberto knew, at that time, Colombia was no place to raise a child. On a practical level, staying in the US made sense. On an emotional level, it was heart-wrenching for Patricia to make a conscious decision to permanently remain thousands of miles away from her family.

fargo warmth

After attaining the proper visas to continue their life in the US, a baby girl named Camilla [Cami] joined the Patron family. Patricia loved life as a stay-at-home mom

of two and Roberto was working as an Internal Medicine doctor, but was looking for a position in Infectious Disease. Much to Patricia’s surprise, an opportunity from Fargo came knocking.

“Well, I had a baby and wasn’t really paying attention to where he was applying,” Patricia remembers. “In January 2000, he comes home and says, ‘I got this call today from a hospital in Fargo.’ And the only thing I knew about Fargo is the movie,” she says breaking into laughter. That hospital was Dakota Clinic, now Essentia Health. They invited Roberto to come for an interview.

“I said, ‘You’re not going alone, we’re all going,’” Patricia says. “My daughter was 3 months old, my son was almost 4-years-old. It was cold. That’s all I can say. Everything was absolutely white. My jeans even felt too cold for my skin.”

But even Fargo in January has its appeal. “I guess the thing that impressed us the most was how warm the people are here,” she says. “I grew up in a city where

living leadership

people are in a hurry all the time. We just felt like people here were kind.”

Roberto and Patricia made a decision; he would accept the job and they would make Fargo their home, temporarily of course.

“Probably like many other people who move to this area, we said we’d be here for 2 to 3 years and then we’ll move south,” says Patricia with a smile.

After working with the program for a year, the director was so impressed with Patricia’s drive and skill with the children, that she encouraged Patricia to get a degree in education. “She said ‘We would love to give you a full-time opportunity in the immersion program,’” recalls Patricia. “But I never saw myself as a teacher. I was worried I would go crazy being with kids all day instead of my usual couple hours.”

finding her place

While at the mall one day with her children, Patricia was approached by a woman delighted to hear her speaking Spanish to Sebastian. The woman invited Patricia to join the International Women’s Club where she could meet women from all over the world who, just like her, had landed in Fargo. “I got to meet some of these fantastic women who were very well educated or refugees or whatever their story was. It was amazing.”

Through that club, she was also asked to volunteer in the Moorhead School District’s Spanish Immersion program. “I was a para-professional and worked a couple of hours a day helping the kids in kindergarten and first grade with reading and math all in Spanish.”

Still, the offer sparked a dormant flame in Patricia - her desire to go back to school and return to the work force. Getting another business degree didn’t really appeal to her, but a dinner table passion she shared with her husband did.

“My husband and I always had really long conversations at dinner about healthcare so I kind of got my interest peaked about it,” Patricia says.

Patricia began researching healthcare administration programs and found a top-notch program right in her own backyard, the Healthcare Administration major at Concordia College. She enrolled as a part-time student, taking classes when Sebastian was in school and Cami

was in daycare. And when it came time for her final year in 2003, she did what every Concordia student does in order to graduate, she began looking for an internship.

The program director came to Patricia and told her she should pursue the internship available at a local clinic. The clinic was a private, non-profit health care provider called the Family HealthCare Center [FHC].

Soon after Patricia completed her internship and graduated from Concordia, FHC reached out to her for two contract projects. One involved overhauling the interpreter program, which including finding grants, creating policies and developing training manuals for interpreters in 40 different languages. Patricia’s model is still in effect today.

Dr. Napoleon “Lucho” Espejo, Medical Director at the Family HealthCare Center, says he was especially

intern to executive director FHC opened in 1993, offering much-needed health care to a specific population of patients from Cass and Clay County. More than 12,000 patients a year use its services; most are uninsured or underinsured, many are homeless. People can get comprehensive primary care services including medical, maternity, dental, lab and x-ray.

Patricia says she immediately fell in love with the organization and what FHC did. “I thought it was very neat. It was filled with challenges but I had the opportunity to follow the executive director during the internship, learn about their homeless program and basically see all that they did.”

impressed with Patricia’s work ethic. “She was very, very focused and disciplined.”

Others saw Patricia’s passion for FHC too. So, when the clinic’s Executive Director stepped down in 2006 and the Board of Directors began its search for a new candidate, the management team at FHC nominated Patricia to be the clinic’s team leader.

“I was very overwhelmed, but at the same time, very honored,” Patricia says. “Most of my management team was more senior than me and had been with the organization a lot longer and had more experience. But I told them if you’ll help me, then I’ll do it.”

A new Executive Director was named 6 months later. But shortly after that person’s arrival it became clear things weren’t going to work out. The Board of Directors launched a second search, but Patricia was winning them over every day and, in the end, the Board didn’t have to look far at all. Patricia became the interim Executive Director in 2007 with the expectation that she’d stay in that position for 3 to 6 months.

“But the board never really looked!” she exclaims with a laugh. “So 3 months into it they called me and said ‘We think you can do it.’ I said, ‘You’re taking a big risk. I don’t have the experience.’”

That was 4 years ago. Since then, Patricia has helped build FHC’s reputation as a family-centered community

securing funding to build a new, expanded clinic. Next summer, Patricia’s dream, and the dream of countless FHC employees, Directors, patients and donors, will finally come true.

The clinic is undergoing a $15.5 million dollar renewal that will double its space, increase its patient base by 6,000 a year, and provide new services such as mental health and optometry.

Dr. Espejo says Patricia has been the driving force behind making the Board’s vision a reality. “She is the main person behind it. For years we’ve been talking that we have a critical task but our place is too small for that operation. Patricia started the search for the opportunity... and was critical. Many times I saw her

health center, and under her leadership, patient numbers have grown five-fold.

“I believe FHC would not be heading in the direction we currently are without Patricia Patron leading the way. She is a gift to FHC and a true visionary,” co-worker Sue Parkos said.

fhc vision

Patricia has always believed that FHC could do more for patients, if the clinic only had the space, equipment and staff to do so. That’s why, for the past several years, she has devoted a significant chunk of her job toward

in her office after hours. It was a very difficult process, very stressful. But she kept working through it all.”

Patricia has also become one of the most well-respected non-profit leaders in the region and has grabbed several awards for her achievements including Mujeres Unidas[Latin] Woman of the Year and YWCA Woman of the Year in her category. Her husband says the recognition is quite deserved.

“I knew when she started moving in the organization she could be [Executive Director] but a Latino woman in Fargo leading it? Well, 4 years later and more than

6.6 million dollars in grants, you can see it,” Roberto says proudly. “There are no words to describe a woman that for the last 2 years dreams, sweats, eats, cries and sees the future of FHC as a leading, caring organization. She believes underserved, uninsured people deserve to have a bright, new, efficient, caring, knowledgeable and beautiful organization.”

Cami thinks her mom has done an “awesome” job as a mom and as a leader at her job. “Although she is extremely busy, she always finds time for us!” Cami exclaims. “Her job, I think, must be so hard but I know she has earned it with what I like to call ‘Awesomeness!’”

And Roberto is quick to dole out his appreciation, too.

“As a mother I admire the example and dedication to our kids. Despite being a workaholic she stayed home for 5 years with the kids. She truly sacrificed her goals, hopes and long life plans for me and then for the kids... Now is her time to shine.”

colombia meets fargo

One of the ways Patricia maintains a close relationship with her kids and husband, and pays tribute to her heritage, is through establishing traditions incorporating her Fargoan and Colombian lives.

Sebastian and Cami attend school within the Fargo Catholic School Network just as Patricia went to Catholic school in Colombia. The family also incorporates Spanish music and prayer into their Holy Week celebrations during Christmas and they try to Skype with relatives for Colombian holidays like ‘Day of the Witches’ [Halloween]. “It’s like a different way to see the same holiday,” Patricia says.

The same goes for American holidays like Thanksgiving, especially since the whole family is now American citizens. Patricia and Roberto went through the Naturalization process 2 years ago. “We adopted Thanksgiving as our own,” Patricia says. “Our daughter was so excited when we had turkey for Thanksgiving. ‘Finally!’ she goes.”

Patricia also ensures she keeps her Colombian roots, and makes sure her children have the chance to grow their own, by visiting her home country and family at least once a year. It’s a trip both kids look forward to.

“I love going to Colombia, it’s awesome seeing where she grew up,” Cami says. “And I get to see all of my relatives!”

a leader’s home

No matter where Patricia is - Colombia, Fargo - or what she is doing - earning a degree, building a family, completing an internship, growing an organization - there is always one constant she relies on. A quality she prays her children are watching.

“My hope is that they learn what I learned from my dad. That hard work does pay off. He taught me that you need to work hard to be rewarded,” she says. “The other one is learning. Learning to me is very important. I always tell my kids what you learn in life, or from school, nobody is going to take away from you. You can lose all your stuff, but no one can ever take away what you’ve learned.”

Efren says he is “the most proud dad in the world” and he knows Patricia is able to accomplish anything she puts her mind to. “I am happy to see my daughter accomplishing the goals she dreamt of. I am sure she will continue to cultivate and harvest many triumphs to better serve society and to continue to make her family proud.”

ready, set

grow

1st firsts

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

As soon as you become a mama, well actually, the minute you find out you’re going to be a mama, you become increasingly interested in milestones and benchmarks and when junior is “suppose to” do whatever. Through the years there are lots of firsts. Some firsts are natural, expected and celebrated while others are more comparable to a train wreck that you’d prefer to assume will only happen to someone else’s kiddo! Some firsts can be challenging for kiddo and mama alike! Here are some firsts along the ever winding, sometimes bumpy, road of mommyhood…buckle your seatbelt!

wee ones

You’re getting the hang of this whole mama title. You’re functioning on less sleep than normal, showering on a semi-regular basis and tackling laundry duty, which has seemed to double with the entry of this tiny, little person into your fold. Honey, you deserve a night out! But can you really leave this precious wee one with someone else, even if it’s only for a few short hours?

I’m outta here

Leaving your wee one with someone else for the first time can be a scary thought. The “what if” scenarios can overwhelm you; what if the sitter can’t get him to stop crying…what if I don’t get any cell service in the movie theater…what if a massive sinkhole immerges in the yard and I can’t get home before it swallows the house…what if…what if…WHAT IF! Luckily the odds of your wee one being completely safe while you are gone are in your favor and getting away for just a bit can be good for you too. As you set out on some adult time away, remember:

• baby steps How you always thought you would be after you had a baby compared to how you actually are after wee one arrives, can be very different. So don’t be surprised if you expected leaving your wee one with a sitter was going to be a piece of cake and now you’d rather pull out your eye lashes with a tweezer! Yes, leaving the first time can be really hard, but it does get easier. Start with a short time away and work your way up. And how old should your wee one be before you leave him with a sitter? When you’re ready to leave him with a sitter is the right time.

• list it out Nowadays you might need a to-do list to remember to brush your teeth! So, it’s OK to leave one for the sitter and it will help ease your mind knowing that you have properly informed your sitter on how to take care of the most precious gift ever! And once you are out and about it’s fine to call and check in…as often as you like!

• fun encouraged Lastly, it is allowable for you to enjoy yourself away from your wee one. Yes, you will be thinking about home and what is happening there, but really try to enjoy yourself. You deserve it!

of all reported crimes against children under the age of 6, an estimated 4.2% are at the hands of a babysitter

some medical research suggests the ideal time between babies is 24 to 35 months

Yes, kiddos are hard work. But aren’t they great? Maybe you’re not there yet, but odds are that at some point you are going say to yourself, “I think I’m ready for another.” But what about your tot?

#2 on the docket

So, that wee one has become a tot and you’re starting to think about adding to your brood. The hours of labor, endless sleepless nights, sore nipples and spit up stained shirts are faded memories…for the most part! But this time around you can’t just worry about you. You have to worry about how this little person, currently the center of the universe under your roof, is going to make this transition and become a fabulous sibling. Help your tot welcome baby with open arms:

• here’s what’s comin’ Talk about the new baby and what your tot can expect. The baby is going to cry, need his diaper changed, eat and sleep.

• the big kahoona Being a big brother/sister is a big deal so make sure you reinforce how important this role is going to be.

• movin’ on up If your tot is currently sleeping in the crib you plan to use with the new baby, make sure you transition him to a new bed well in advance of baby’s arrival. You don’t want the tot thinking the baby stole his bed!

• his say Let your tot pick out items for the new baby. This gives him some control.

Once baby has arrived, carve out some time for just you and your tot. He used to have all of your attention, so give him some extra now when you can.

Ican still remember my beautiful, little 3 year-old building her block tower on the living room floor. She was in her own world building away, making sure each level was its own color. The tower got taller and taller and then too tall…over it went. My precious, princess hit the floor with both hands and yelled, “OH, SH#@!” What?! That potty mouth can’t be my daughter!

I swear!

Our preschoolers are continually building their vocabulary and sometimes bad words can also enter their repartee. It’s important to remember that your preschooler probably doesn’t even know the meaning of these words or phrases. He won’t know there is something wrong with what he said until you react. Here are some tips to make sure your little sailor rights his potty mouth ways:

• remain calm No word has power until you give it power by reacting, so don’t over react. Be very casual when you address bad word usage. Simply tell him what he said and that it could make someone feel bad or uncomfortable and that he won’t want that. Then leave it at that. No need to draw too much attention to a bad behavior.

• try this Now that you have calmly explained the not-so-good about the bad word[s] used, offer your preschooler some alternative options that deliver the same message. When you hear him use these alternatives, be sure to give it some positive attention.

• or else For the really bad words, determine the consequence for using them and let your preschooler know in a calm, firm voice what happens if he does it again. Then be ready to enforce it!

don’t think so If your preschooler is using bad words with the intention of getting something he wants, don’t let him get it! If he gets results, it will only reinforce the usage. who me Yeah, you! Watch what’s coming out of your mouth. You can’t freak out about your preschooler saying whatever if it consistently comes out of your mouth. Clean it up!

over the last 5 years, profanity on TV has increased 69.3%

Stepping into someone else’s world can be very fun. Every family does things differently. But who knew that eating mac & cheese and sleeping on the floor at someone else’s house could be so much fun and cause you and your big kid some anxiety.

nitey-nite

The friend sleepover is a rite of passage, but there is no magical age for the first one to occur. Every child is different and you need to be comfortable too. If your big kid is begging to sleep over and he is a pretty flexible kid, he is probably ready. But if he is more cautious and doesn’t seem “all in,” don’t push it. A parent-driven sleepover could end badly. When your big kid is ready, here are some tips to make that first of many sleepovers a success:

• no have to Again, there is no magical age where your big kid should be going on sleepovers. There is also no development need for your child to go on a sleepover, so relax if he just isn’t ready.

• talk it out A play date is all well and good until the sun goes down. It can get a little scary at someone else’s house. You need to do your best Sherlock Holmes impression and determine what his concerns are if your big kid seems reluctant to accept a sleepover invitation. It could be as simple as worrying about what will be for dinner or where exactly he will sleep.

• it’s ok Reassure your big kid that he can call you anytime he wants or needs you. Also let him know it is perfectly OK if he wants to come home or stay until morning.

• act it out Do some role planning with your big kid on scenarios that might come up. What if he wets the bed, has a bad dream or doesn’t like what’s for dinner?

big kids [6–9 years]

Make sure you ease your mama concerns too. If you aren’t familiar with the family hosting the sleepover, ask questions. What will they be doing, are there older siblings, when is bed time? Any other reasonable mama is going to be completely comfortable with your questions.

female bedbugs can lay up to five eggs in a day and 500 during a lifetime

Your tweener loves school, never causes problems in the classroom, studies hard and is the model “student of the month.” Right? But wait, what is this? It can’t be! He got an F? Not my tweener! pass it on

You want nothing more than for your tweener to be successful. There are lots of changes for your immerging

young adult and you want him to be great at everything he does, but school better stay in the forefront. So what do you do when he isn’t doing well in school and he brings home a failing grade? First, you want to act fast and make sure you nip in the bud the culprit[s] of his slipping grades. Here are some tips to help you do just that:

• what’s goin’ on First, talk to your tweener. Is there anything going on that you don’t know about? Is he having trouble with only one subject? Then talk to the teacher[s]. The teacher will be able to tell you of any problems in the classroom, if he is turning in assignments or missing classes. You can’t try to fix the problem until you know what is broken.

• stay the course Take a look at your homework and study routine. Maybe things need to be reworked. There are lots of things to distract your tweener, from TV to video games to time with friends. Make sure he is getting his work done and limit the distractions.

• a little help Offer your help with homework and studying, but let’s face it, you might not be enough. Consider getting your tweener some extra help. Hire a tutor and give your tweener every advantage to get back on track.

• outside the classroom If your tweener’s grades have taken a sudden drown turn, the cause could be something outside the classroom. His failing grade could be a warning sign of another issue.

homework researcher, Harris Cooper of Duke University, recommends kiddos being assigned roughly 10 minutes of homework per grade level

Oh, isn’t it cute? Your teen has his first real girlfriend. Yes, your teen dating can be a bit scary, but you have gotten through that. The problem with the first girlfriend and first love is that it’s typically followed by [dah…dah…daaahhh] the first break up! Can you and your teen survive?

when it ends

I found this great quote by Benjamin Disreali [a novelist and British Prime Minister in the 1800s], “The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end.” How true! This new found love for your teen is so exciting and they just have so much in common and well, they are “in love.” Of course with your years of wisdom and love lost and gained, being a teen in love can create a big ol’ eye roll. During the rollercoaster of young love, there are going to be some downs. Here are some tips to help your teen pick up his crush, stomped on, shattered heart:

• seriously? Yes, you might have known this relationship had no chance of lasting, but it was very real to your teen whether it lasted a few weeks, months or years. Take their feelings seriously, and be compassionate.

• remember when Try to remember that you were that young teen not too long ago and be a sounding board when he needs you. Now, we are talking about a teen, so don’t be so surprised when his actions seem a bit irrational or over dramatic.

• been there Yes, there are stories of high school sweethearts being together forever, but if you aren’t one of them, share your experience with love when

your teen is open to it. First love can be very intense, but letting your teen know there is more love out there can be very comforting.

• lessons learned Every tragedy offers a lesson to be learned. Once the wound isn’t so fresh and some of the grief has worn off, help your teen see the lesson in this situation.

scientists suggest most people fall in love approximately 7 times before marriage

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Who is Sally?

She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.

perspective gaining

story by | deb uglem

It started out picture perfect. Everyone was up early excited for the start of a new school year. My three boys were dressed in their school uniforms [something that now I truly miss] and my daughter was ready to pose for the pictures, even though she wasn’t going to school. The kitchen was buzzing with excitement me included. The first day went fine. I dropped them off at their classrooms gave them a kiss and said see you at three o’clock. This family move to Fargo-Moorhead was going to be great!

Day two was a different story. All three jumped out of the SUV and headed for the school. I sat in the car smiling as they walked away. My oldest began running into the school clearly he is advanced. They will probably be talking to me soon about him skipping second grade all together. Things were going great. Then the drama... the twins walked slowly close together and right before they reached the door one stopped. The two of them had words, to this day I don’t know what was said [by three o’clock when I asked them about it,

they couldn’t remember]. Suddenly one grabbed the other by the backpack and dragged him into the school backwards. My mouth dropped, what is going on? Do I laugh? Do I cry? I wasn’t sure. So I did what any good mother would do, nothing.

Now, I have never been a mother that cried when the kids went to kindergarten for the first time, or during their first haircut but I tell you this first [I guess technical second] day of school tugged at my heart. When our children hurt we hurt. I guess you can call it the back to school blues. It takes many forms. As mothers it is hard to watch our children become one step closer to independence. They have needed us for just about everything and then its seems all of the sudden they began to choose friends, make decisions and enjoy their freedom—all without us. Well mothers, it’s time for a little perspective.

Usually at the beginning of August we start meeting with our closest friends over coffee or even wine to help and advise each other on how we will handle the upcoming school year. It is time once again for us to

be the adult, the bigger people, dare I say we need to be smarter than our children. Help your girlfriends out by adding perspective to the list of helpful tools. Perspective originally comes from the Latin words per meaning “through” and specere, which means, “to look”. When you are faced with a difficult situation remind yourself to “look through” to see the situation differently. Perspective can help turn the sadness you’re feeling into pride. It helps us develop an appreciation for what is to come. Don’t focus on the passing years with regret for things not done, turn them into challenges or goals for the future. As your child heads off to kindergarten don’t think of them as “gone”, think of them exploring different ideas and meeting new friends. If you have a senior heading to college focus on their adventure and the fact that you helped them reach that accomplishment. Trust yourself and give yourself a pat on the back that you have raised strong and accomplished children that can handle what life is going to throw their way.

As my children have grown over the last several years I have decided to embrace a different perspective [I hope they have noticed how much their mother has

grown!]. This year all of my children will be heading to high school. I will not be sad about how fast the years have gone but excited that they are at a point in their life where they will start making decisions about who they will become as adults. This fall try to step out of your current “back to school blues” and look for a new perspective.

I have learned to appreciate the power of perspective. Ernest Hemingway said, “ Never write about a place until you are away from it, because that gives you perspective.” He’s right!

Now as I sit and think about that second day of school 10 years ago my heart tugs in a different way. I know now that my sadness that day wasn’t needed. Those two boys were learning how to help and count on each other. And they figured it out through that experience. Today in our house those roles have reversed-now the little boy that was dragged into school backwards is waking up first, finding missing homework and pulling his brother out the door to make sure he makes it to school on time. It’s funny how the more things change the more they stay the same.

photo: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

God made us sisters, laughtr made us friends.