Fargo’s Dr. Patty Laqua knows that.
According to Stacey and Erik Lucht, Dr. Patty Laqua is the right doctor for them—hands down. She’s a good listener. She’s respectful. She’s easy to talk to. She takes time to get to know who they are and she is just plain awesome to the whole family. We know there’s just one you and we know working together helps you stay healthier. Has it been a while since you saw a doctor? Call Essentia Health-Fargo for an appointment today. (701) 364-8000 or (800) 437-4054
Need to find your very own primary care physician? Call us or go to EssentiaHealth.org
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On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.
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west fargo | nd
A Thompson, ND native, Bev has used her nursing degree in a variety of settings. Currently employed at Dakota Medical Foundations as the ND Healthy Steps Outreach Manager, Bev also serves as a volunteer Parish Nurse at Olivet Lutheran Church and Sanford Health in Fargo. Married to her high school sweetheart, Dave, the couple have five kids, Jayce [16], Matt [15], Jen [14], Adam [12], Andy [12] and Charlie the family dog!
moorhead | mn
A stay-at-home mom to two active boys, Colton [10] and Nolan [12], and the wife of Rick, Vicky spent her childhood growing up in Moorhead, MN. She graduated from Concordia College with a BS in Psychology and earned her MS in School Psychology at MSUM. After following her husband to Idaho for 10 years where she worked in Adolescent Psychology, they moved back to Moorhead in 2003 to raise their boys. When not hauling boys to the hockey arena or the golf course, Vicky loves to read, take photos and write. Eighteen months after being diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer she is undergoing treatment at Roger Maris Cancer Center in Fargo. She chronicles her daily life adventures at http://thewestraworld.blogspot.com.
moorhead | mn
Raised in Finley, ND, Deb has called Moorhead her home for the last 11 years. She graduated from Drake University in Des Moines, IA with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communication. She is currently Communication Director for Wanzek Construction. She welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings and thanks her children Jake [19], Tony [18], Nick [18] and Emily [15] for inspiration. Deb and her husband Tim like to spend their free time running in several directions with kids and on the golf course.
dilworth | mn
What do you get when you mix a full-time, freelance writer with a 1-year-old girl, two cats, a dog, a husband who works evenings, a house that needs picking up and nearly a dozen publications and clients who need their deadlines met? Welcome to Patricia Carlson’s life. She is an award-winning journalist whose work spans magazines, television, radio, newspapers and the internet. She has produced, written, edited and directed programs for ESPN Radio, History Channel and Hallmark Channel. And she hosts customized media training workshops for groups like the North Dakota National Guard. You can view her work at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance.com
A lifelong North Dakota resident, Dawn has over 25 years of health related communication and education experience. She has a child development associate credential and has been with Prairie St. John’s since 2007, where she promotes behavioral healthcare services as a member of the executive leadership team, director of business and the community liaison department. Prior to joining Prairie, Dawn did consulting and was a full time faculty member responsible for the community health major at Minnesota State University Moorhead. Dawn resides in Fargo with her two daughters and her son.
12,500
the average number of people who are treated in the emergency room for holiday lights and decoration related injuries
sources: usaa magazine | parenting | good housekeeping | about.com
Give the gift of a relaxing facial, microderm spree in our boutique of pharmaceutical products available only through us.
26 percent of women are more likely than men to be charged a late fee on their credit cards because of the lack of financial education among ladies Talk to you kids about money early and often
Growing up in the small northern town of Drayton, ND, Debby Henrickson was one of four siblings [older sister Jenny and younger sister Emily and brother Alex] She is a University of North Dakota Alum earning a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communications and Sociology and currently works in Marketing with The Avalon Events Center in downtown Fargo When not busy attending the many different events for her three boys, Ben [11], William [10] and Teddy [7], Debby volunteers her time at Washington Elementary School in north Fargo, enjoys decorating, entertaining friends at home and makes time for running and exercise daily
photos: rialee photography | lindsey johnson
biggest challenge of being the sole parent… trying to be both parents to three busy kids is extremely overwhelming and more chaotic than I’d like at times. Naturally, it’s my personal time that gets neglected and pushed to the side. favorite phone app…
the Flashlight App comes in handy a lot. Otherwise I love to play Words With Friends. I’m pretty sure my friends enjoy playing with me because I’m an easy win for them. the show i dvr to watch after the kids go to sleep…
I watch the news and weather in the morning otherwise I don’t normally watch TV. i stay connected with my boys… by making good use of our time in the car. It’s the perfect opportunity to tackle issues that require their undivided attention. I know there are days when they can’t wait to get out of the vehicle!
one day i would like to finish… going through all the boxes in my garage that have been sitting there for almost three years.
my food weakness…
I’m a Buffalo Wild Wings junkie. I realized how bad it was recently when the staff knew my “usual” and I didn’t even have to open my mouth.
i’d be lost without…
my family. When the boys lost their Dad in 2010, my parents and siblings were incredibly helpful, supportive and loving.
my biggest flaw I embrace… is not giving my kids more jobs around the house to help me out.
every woman needs…
the kind of friends you can talk to about anything and everything. I have several and I wouldn’t give them up for anything in the world.
When things look like they can’t get any worse… hang in there, hold your head up and know there is always something good right around the corner. our silliest holiday tradition…
Last year we re-established our Christmas Day talent show…something we always did as kids when all the cousins were together. We quickly realized that most of us aren’t quite as talented as we used to be. something i want my boys to always know…
That they’ll never regret sticking up for their brother. i’m not afraid to admit…
That I don’t feel bad about blowing off extra-curricular activities from time to time. Being scheduled to death gets old quick and sometimes you just can’t do it all.
the household tool/appliance i could be spokesperson for…
The good, old fashioned corkscrew. the parent rule i can never break…
Be realistic that the time will come when your kid is at fault and will need to deal with the consequences.
If I’m in the mood for bargain shopping, I always find it at TJ Maxx. I love that store!
three words to describe myself… Outgoing, Considerate, Thankful.
the boy hobby/activity I’m pretty good at… Shooting hoops.
i believe in…
Keeping things in perspective. Being good to those who have been good to you. Being proactive and responsible with my health. Writing thank you notes the old fashioned way. Organ donation. My Mom received a heart in July from a very special person who unfortunately lost their life, but thankfully saved her's.
i once regifted…
I have never re-gifted anything. my specialty mom meal…
I don’t really have one but if someone has a “special day,” they get to eat on the Red Plate. It’s a family tradition from my childhood.
in five years…
I want to travel more and make more time to enjoy the simple things in life.
story by | red’s attic
From burp bibs and blankets, to soft stuffed dolls and animals, and sassy scarfs, Red’s Attic has a passion for the latest styles to keep mom and kiddo stylin’! All products are originally designed and hand sewn with fashionable fabrics and include options for customization to meet the needs of everyone in the family. No better time to consider one of these one-of-a-kind items as a gift or a treat for yourself this holiday season.
most popular item sold is…
Infinity scarves, as well as several handmade dollsHeather & Herbie the Hoot, and Miss Madi & Lil Easton. Miss Madi and Lil Easton are handmade fabric dolls that can be customized to look just like your child, and can include any fun design you may have in mind. Complete customization includes choosing from a
variety of hair colors and styles, eye color, skin tone, and over 100 choices of fabric designs. Or they can be tailored to a theme such as cowboy, fireman, police officer, cheerleader, princess, or your own favorite fabric can be used.
infinity scarfs are…
Infinity scarves have a lot to offer. Sewn in a continuous loop, an infinity scarf is a scarf that never ends! Because they can be made from a variety of fabrics, they offer infinite ways to be worn and are very stylish. Most of the fabrics used are considered fashion fabrics made from silky polyester blends that can be worn with just about any outfit. I am proud and excited to share that some of my scarves are being worn by Jessica Simpson, Sarah Jessica Parker, gold medalist Allison Schmitt, and MTV reality star Diem Brown.
something unique about the stuffed dolls & animals…
Both can be designed from a favorite fabric of a loved one. For example, I customized Miss Madi for a sister, mother, and daughter trio. All three were made out of a dress from their grandmother, in remembrance of her. Another special order I worked on was multiple Lil Easton dolls for each member of a family who lost a child at birth.
turnaround time on custom orders is currently…
Orders can be completed in 7 to 10 days. Custom orders are always welcome for any item Red’s Attic carries.
price point ranges are…
Most of the items range from $15 to $25. Larger items, such as quilts can vary in price.
inspiration to create comes from…
The inspiration to create comes from my family. Both of my grandmothers sewed all of their lives, and I vividly remember sitting beside both of them while they sewed, quilted, or made clothes for me to wear when I was little. The fabric designs and colors always fascinated me, and how it went from fabric to little treasures that I still cherish to this day.
all products can be purchased at…
Red’s Attic product, excluding the scarves, can be purchased in several stores in North Dakota—Adley Anne's in Grand Forks, Eco Chic in Fargo, the St. Alexius Gift Shop in Bismarck, and Moe Moe’s Garden in Dickinson. And all the products can be found online at www.redsattic.etsy.com.
Shannon LaHaise founded Red’s Attic on a vision and passion to create little things with great love. Her bold red hair and love for exploring the attic for treasures growing up inspired the name. Combined with the time spent sewing and creating with her grandmothers, Red’s Attic of handmade treasures was born.
Red’s Attic
redsattic@yahoo.com
http://redsattic.etsy.com
The Rape & Abuse Crisis Center and My Best Friend’s Closet have teamed up to bring you a night of glamour, gal pals and giving back. Enjoy a delicious dinner, dessert, silent auction and style show.
Purchase tickets online at raccfm.com. Seating is limited. Get yours right away!
Whether they are two or twenty-two, as a parent, you want to do everything you can to keep your child safe.
Nearly everyone accepts that injuries and deaths related to motor vehicle crashes can and do occur, and many could be prevented.
Keeping children safe may mean actually buckling them into the car seat and as they grow it may mean verbally reminding them to buckle up. But before that happens, as a parent you need the knowledge not only that seat belts and child restraints save lives but also the knowledge of how to correctly buckle them up.
Tragically, injuries and deaths related to suicide can and do occur as well, but did you know some might be prevented? Do you have the knowledge you need to help keep a loved one safe and potentially prevent a death by suicide?
Suicide is real and many people are affected. As many as one in six people will be suicidal at some point in their lives. In the United States, a suicide attempt is estimated to be made about once every 40 seconds and a person dies by suicide about every 15 minutes. In North Dakota, 103 lives were lost to suicide in 2010, and suicide is the second leading cause of death for those between the ages of 15 to 24. Reports about suicide attempts and deaths by suicide can be seen in local news media coverage on an ongoing basis.
So while there’s no denying suicide is real, what do we really know about prevention? First off, it is important to note that suicide is an emotional and highly complex issue and a singular causation can rarely be identified. That being said, the knowledge we do have could very well be lifesaving.
We know that for the majority of those attempting suicide, there were risk factors and warning signs present.
While risk factors do not always cause something to happen, they do increase likelihood and probability of
something occurring. Statistics on youth suicide suggest that there are certain behaviors or characteristics that can alert parents to a possible elevated risk of suicidal thought. Risk factors for suicide could include:
• Depression and/or other serious mental health conditions
• Alcohol or other drug use/abuse
• Being a victim of trauma including physical, emotional or sexual abuse or neglect
• Perfectionist personality
• GLBT [Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Transgender]
• Being a loner, with few friends and very little social support
• Having a learning disability
• Having low self-esteem
• Experiencing serious legal trouble
Statistics on suicide reveal that males are more likely than females to die by suicide and females attempt suicide more often than males
Living with untreated or undertreated psychiatric illnesses is a major risk factor. Over 90 percent of people who die by suicide had at least one psychiatric illness at the time of their death, with depression and substance abuse disorders at the top. Depression is estimated to be the number one cause of disability in the United States. More Americans suffer from depression than coronary heart disease, cancer, and AIDS combined.
The good news is that for many, depression and chemical dependency can be treatable. When people get effective treatment, 80 percent are treated successfully. If treatment isn't working, talk with your physician and a mental health professional. Numerous treatments are sometimes necessary before the effective combination is found.
as many as one in six people will be suicidal at some point in their lives
What about bullying? We hear a lot about it these days, and bullying is an important topic that needs attention. While we know there is a connection between being bullied and depression and that depression is a risk factor for attempting suicide, bullying does not cause a suicide per say. While bullying can be related to negative psychosocial functioning among children who are victims, including higher rates of depression, anxiety, loneliness, reduced self-esteem, school absenteeism and even suicidal ideation, again, bullying does not necessarily cause a suicide.
With so many myths surrounding the subject of suicide, it is important to know the facts.
myth: If you talk about suicide with someone you will give them the idea to complete suicide.
fact: Talking about suicide does not create or increase a risk that someone will make a suicide attempt. myth: Suicides occur with little or no warning.
fact: Most people communicate warning signs or suicidal intent by how they are feeling and reacting to their situation [stressful events, their illness, etc.] This can include blatant statements about not wanting to be around, others being better off without them, wanting the pain and suffering to end and losing hope that it ever will.
myth: Non-fatal suicide attempts are only attention getting behaviors.
fact: While non-suicidal self-injury is a real phenomenon, all suicide attempts, regardless of how injurious, should be taken seriously. For many people, suicide attempts are serious warnings of hopelessness and helplessness and could be considered an invitation to others to help. If not addressed a suicide attempt can lead to suicide.
if not addressed a suicide attempt can lead to suicide
Take notice, inquire and act if you are aware of any of the following signs of concern that may be warnings of an impending suicide attempt:
• Talking about suicide
• Preoccupation with death
• A deepening depression
• Taking unnecessary risks or exhibiting self-destructive behavior
• Out of character behavior
• Demonstrating a loss of interest in the things one cares about
• Systematically visiting or calling people one cares about
• Making arrangements; setting one’s affairs in order
• Giving prized possessions away
• Increased alcohol or other drug use
• Isolating
• Making statements about feeling hopeless, helpless, or worthless
There are a number of effective suicide prevention related things a parent can do:
• Educate yourself about the magnitude of the problem, the signs of concern and the tools of prevention.
• Spend time with your children on a regular basis and watch and listen to them, paying close attention to sudden changes in behavior that give you concern.
• Talk openly, honestly and supportively with your child and their friends about concerns, coping with feelings and seeking help when needed. Thoughts and talk about suicide should never be kept a secret.
• Be willing to seek professional help and guidance if you feel your child is becoming depressed or contemplating hurting him/herself.
• Support your local school system in incorporating resources including school-based suicide prevention curriculums into their guidance or health programs; suicide prevention training for school personnel, and information for parents.
• Encourage local youth service organizations, your faith community, youth athletics and others to become aware of the issue of youth suicide and its prevention opportunities.
• Most importantly, when in doubt, ALWAYS seek professional help.
There are many resources available:
The Jason Foundation
The Jason Foundation, Inc. [JFI] is an educational organization dedicated to the awareness and prevention of youth suicide. For more information go to www.jasonfoundation. com or contact Melissa.Markegard@uhsinc.com
Prairie St. John’s
Prairie St. John’s provides psychiatric and addiction care and offers confidential needs assessments at no charge 24/7. For more information call 701.476.7216 or go to www.prairie-stjohns.com
AFSP
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention [AFSP] is dedicated to understanding and preventing suicide through research, education and advocacy, and to reaching out to people with mental disorders and those impacted by suicide. The North Dakota Chapter has an active chapter. For more information go to www.afsp.org
You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline anytime at 1.800.273.8255 or 1.800.273.TALK.
Locally you can call 211, a free number that connects callers in North Dakota and Clay County, Minnesota to First Link Helpline which provides confidential listening, support, information and referral. Call specialists are trained in crisis intervention, including suicide intervention.
In an emergency, always call 911.
It can be hard to talk about suicide.
“Are you thinking about ending your life?” could be the hardest words you ever ask someone, especially someone you love dearly, like your child. But knowing the facts and talking about suicide could be lifesaving.
sources: American Association of Suicidology; AFSP; ND Dept. of Health; The Jason Foundation; World Health Organization
Children's Consultation Network Provides access to early childhood mental health screening, assessment and consultation, develops and distributes children's mental health resources, provides community education, seeks to diminish stigma, and facilitates collaborative efforts related to children's mental health services, especially for children ages 0-8. For more information, 701.526.1565 or www.halfachild.com
Up With Downs Supporting families of Down syndrome. For more information, contact Kara Jones, 701.446.8056 or karaljones@ gmail.com, or Liz St. Louis, 701.212.7877 or estlouis4@gmail.com
Red River Moms Of Multiples 2nd Tuesday of each month. For more information visit www.rrvmothersofmultiples.org
The Compassionate Friends 2nd Thursday of each month, 7:30pm at Faith Lutheran Church, 127 2nd Ave E, West Fargo. Offering grief support after the death of a child. For more information chapterleader@tcffargomoorhead.org or 701.282.4794
Child Asperger Support Group Every Tuesday from 12:00pm to 1:00pm at Southeast Human Service Center. For additional information visit www.rrvasperger.org
SHARE: Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group 3rd Tuesday of every month at 7:00pm at Faith United Methodist Church [19th Ave. N, Fargo]. This nondenominational group offers support to those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or within the first few months of life. For more information call 701.234.7500
Beyond the NICU Doors A community support network for parents who have experienced time in a NICU. Monthly gathering starting in September will be the 4th Tuesday from 7-8:30pm at the Anne Carlson Center located behind Subway on the corner of 13th Ave S and 25th St S in Fargo. Gatherings include a speaker and children are welcome as there are toys and space available. This is open to all NICU families regardless of location of NICU experience. This is a cooperative effort between Region V Experienced Parent and March of dimes NICU Family Support. Any Questions please call Moe Schreoder at 701.237.3558 or Colette Christoffers at 701.235.5530
DMF Lend A Hand Offers resources and matching funds to improve volunteer efforts that benefit people experiencing a medical crisis. Learn more about current efforts and/or to make a tax-deductible donation go to www.dakmed.org/lendahand
Healthy Steps A health insurance program for North Dakota children age 18 or younger who do not have health insurance coverage, do not qualify or are not fully covered by the North Dakota Medicaid Program, and live in qualifying families. The benefits are offered at no or very low cost. For more information 877.543.7669 or www.healthystepsnd.com
HOPE, Inc. Provides a year-round sports and recreation program for children and young adults ages 2-23 with mobility challenges. We are family-centered and provide extra equipment so the ENTIRE family can play! Contact Adair at 701.866.9002 or adair@hopeinconline. org for more information or visit www.hopeinconline.org
Ronald McDonald House Charities of the Red River Valley, Inc. Provides lodging and emotional support to parents and siblings of children requiring medical treatment who also benefit by knowing their families are close by. Visit www.rmhcfargo.org for more information.
Rape & Abuse Crisis Center Crisis intervention, advocacy, and counseling services to all persons who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Volunteer or donate. Call 701.293.7273 or visit www.raccfm.com
Rainbow Bridge Visitation & Safe Exchange Because of dedicated individuals who volunteer their time, Rainbow Bridge is able to meet the ever increasing visitation needs of our families. For more information visit www.rainbowbridgekids.net or call 218.299.7694
FirstChoice Clinic Provides pregnancy confirmation and counseling, prenatal and parenting classes, community referrals to help individuals make life affirming choices. Call 701.237.5902 or visit www.firstchoiceclinic.com. Volunteer or donate at www. teamfirstchoiceclinic.com
Birthright Pregnancy Testing, counseling, prenatal and parenting education, maternity and infant clothing, emergency supplies of diapers and formula and labor support. All services are free and confidential. To volunteer or donate contact 701.237.0359 or www.birthright.org
PATH of North Dakota An organization offering a more personalized approach to foster care. For more information www. pathinc.org or 701.293.9968
Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch Offers a year-round opportunity for volunteers [individuals, groups/part-time, full-time] for its thrift stores. To volunteer call 701.277.9424
United Way of Cass-Clay Our Goal: To make our community a better place to live, work and raise our families. We are driven by this mission because underneath everything we are, underneath everything we do, we are all people, connected, interdependent, and united. Our Mission: United Way of Cass-Clay brings people together to create lasting change that will improve lives. For more information visit www.uwcc.net
La Leche League of Fargo-Moorhead 3rd Thursday of each month at 6:30pm. For more information contact Jill Christianson— jillkensok@hotmail.com or 701.200.0642
Survivor of Suicide Loss 3rd Thursday of each month. Provide a safe, accepted and supportive environment and opportunity to talk openly. For more information contact Mary at 701.219.4110
Suicide Survivor’s Support Group 4th Monday of each month at 6:00 pm. Support to loved ones who have lost someone to suicide. For more information call 701.293.6462
Prevent Child Abuse North Dakota PCAND is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization and Chapter of Prevent Child Abuse America that is dedicated exclusively to the prevention of child abuse and neglect. PCAND, formerly known as the North Dakota Committee to Prevent Child Abuse and Parents Anonymous, has been working to prevent child abuse and strengthen families in North Dakota since 1978. For parenting education, support and materials, visit www.pcand.org
For more listings, visit www.OnTheMindsOfMoms.com/support. To submit a group or resource for consideration to be posted on our website, email information to info@onthemindsofmoms.com. OTMOM does its best to keep information accurate, but organizations are responsible for providing updated information. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided.
what’s on your mind?
story by | vicky westra
As a stage IV breast cancer patient, I've discovered waiting becomes a major part of treatment. We wait for blood work, for oncology and radiation appointments. We wait for results from CT scans, MRIs, PET scans, etc. We wait to feel better, have more energy and live life full.
I feel such an urgency to live and yet so much of my time is spent waiting. I often struggle with how to reconcile these two opposing forces vying for space in my life. It took a trip to the grocery store and a day filled with waiting for me to see with fresh eyes.
It was the day before chemo, just a week before Christmas 2011. My to-do list was unwieldy and it left me breathless just thinking of it. If only it would go smoothly. Of course I doom myself every time I dare suggest an “easy-button” kind of day.
It started on a rocky note instantly. Our new puppy destroyed my son's mitten. I sent a teary-eyed boy out the door with mismatched mittens. The dog tangles
his rope around the tree outside in the snow, so I rush to wrangle the dog, and finally slip out the door. My to-do list firmly gripped in my hands, me completely out of breath already. How will I manage?
And I am late! I circle the parking lot at the clinic, frantically race through the halls, run up the stairs and arrive to a long line at the wound care clinic. Due to the holidays, everyone is trying to be seen.
After a lengthy wait of my own doing, the nurses are efficient. They expertly dress my mastectomy site. I
i feel such an urgency to live and yet so much of my time is spent waiting
jump in my car and scoop up the library books I need to return. I circle the block three times before I find a parking spot. I cross the street to the post office. This time the line is staggering, and snakes out through the lobby door. Time ticks away as my resolve and energy wane. I will have spent most of my day just waiting. How will I ever make it home before the school bus?
Its well afternoon by the time I get to the grocery store. I fly around the grocery store hurriedly throwing things in my cart and scratching them off my list. I get to the checkout line and find the last register only has one person in front of me. I may beat the school bus home after all!
I start to relax and it’s then that I notice the woman with her baby in front of me as she unloads her groceries. She unloads a variety of fresh and healthy items. They are similar to what I would have gotten when my kids were young like her's. I feel a flush of warmth when I notice her bottles of apple juice. Oh how my boys loved their apple “goose.” Sippee cups and goose seems like ages ago to me.
It's then I notice the stack of vouchers. The cashier scans an item, picks up a voucher and manually keys in a long code. Time is once again slipping away. The vouchers are endless and time consuming. I wait and wait. Several times the clerk and the woman confer over the wording of the vouchers to be sure they have the exact items the vouchers call for.
And then it all comes to a grinding halt. The cashier announces quite loudly, “You can't use this voucher. It clearly states one container of apple juice and you have two containers.”
The woman seems embarrassed. She shyly replies, “It's okay, then take away the juice. I thought maybe I could substitute two 32 ounce bottles, because I couldn't find the 64 ounce one I usually get.” The clerk nods her head firmly and places the store-brand juice off to the side.
Really? I think to myself. Just like that? Her kids won't get juice? Its Christmas. It doesn't sit well with me at all. It wasn't like she was trying to buy something frivolous? In fact scanning her items, there isn't any junk food.
The clerk gets through the rest of the woman's items. She tells the woman what she owes, and I see two items remaining; a bag of sugar and a package of almond bark. Of course, I think, for Christmas baking. The woman is scrounging through her wallet. I see bits of change being counted and an odd dollar or two.
Without hesitation, I reach in my pocket and pull out my to-do list and as I do, wadded up dollars get pulled along with it. I hand the money to the clerk and ask her to give the woman her juice back. I also tell her to add in the sugar and the almond bark if I have enough. The woman turns to me as I hand her the money to use. I search her eyes and pray I won't embarrass her. I simply tell her the truth. “My own children loved their apple juice and I've seen the disappointment in their eyes when I couldn't provide.” She grasps the money and hands it to the clerk. When she sees it’s enough, she grabs the cart and darts off. The clerk is standing with some change and her receipt, but the woman is long gone.
What just happened? As I load my groceries in my car, I feel lighter. I've forgotten about the time. It ever so
slowly occurs to me, all that waiting I did, accounted for something. What if all that waiting wasn't about me and my list? Had I not been held in long lines, and if everything had run smoothly today, I would not have made it to the spot where I was perhaps needed the most.
Maybe we aren't waiting for life... what if life is in the waiting? Perhaps the waiting ensures we are exactly where we are meant to be.
I crumpled up my to-do list and threw it away. It turns out the most important thing I did that day, wasn't even on my to do list. My “to do” list wasn't even about me. It took a lot of waiting, and a trip to the grocery store to realize I lived well that day.
It turns out, urgency to live subsides a bit, when you take the time to live your moments full.
This section is dedicated to capturing your parent thoughts. Want to share what’s on your mind? Submit your article idea to info@onthemindsofmoms.com along with a short bio for consideration in an upcoming issue.
1–31
Lindenwood Park Lights
701.318.4747
www.fmsertoma.com
A display of lights throughout Lindenwood Park.
5–9, 12–16 & 19–23
Santa Village @ Rheault Farm
701.241.8160
www.fargoparks.com
Santa & Mrs. Claus open the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer & sleigh rides! November 24th & 25th, December 1st & 2nd 1pm–7pm, December 5th–7th 4pm–8pm, 8th & 9th 1pm–8pm, 12th–14th 4pm–8pm, 15th & 16th 1pm–8pm, 19th–21st 4pm–8pm, 22nd & 23rd 1pm–8pm.
8, 15 & 22
Santa Fly-In
701.293.8043
www.fargoairmuseum.org
Head to the Fargo Air Museum [1609 19th Ave N, Fargo] at Noon and see Santa fly-in to meet all the good boys & girls!
8 Jaws, Paws and Lunch with Santa Claws
701.277.9240
www.redriverzoo.org
Enjoy lunch, family photo with Santa, docents with animals, carousel rides and more. Tickets are $15 for adults and $10 for children. 11am–1:30pm
5
Disney’s Beauty & The Beast
www.fargodome.com
Based on the Academy Award-winning animated feature film this classic musical love story is filled with unforgettable characters, lavish sets and costumes, and dazzling production numbers including “Be Our Guest” and the beloved title song. Experience the romance and enchantment at the Gate City Bank Theatre—Fargodome. Tickets on sale October 8th. 7:30pm
5
10
Bowls for Babies
701.235.5530
www.marchofdimes.com/northdakota
March of Dimes Annual Fundraiser for the babies. Your $20 ticket allows you to come select a uniquely artistic bowl, sample soup from several locally owned restaurants & then keep the bowl as a souvenir! Ramada Plaza Suites [1635 42nd St S, Fargo] from 11am-1:30pm.
6
Car Seat 101 for Expectant
Parents
701.234.5570
www.sanfordhealth.org
Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30–8:00pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.
CPR for Family Friends
701.234.5570
www.sanfordhealth.org
Learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction 6pm–8pm & receive an American Heart Association participation card.
10
Disney’s Phineas and Ferb
701.777.4167
www.theralph.com
Phineas, Ferb, and the whole tri-state area gang are embarking on a bold escape right into The Ralph - Grand Forks!Tickets on sale now for $15, $20, $30 [VIP] show time 6:30pm.
13
Car Seat Check-Up
701.780.1489
www.safekidsgf.com
4 out of 5 car seats are used wrong. Could one of them be yours? Is your child's safety seat on a recall list? Did you know that children 40–100 lbs. or under 4' 9" should be riding in a booster seat for the
safest ride? Come and get a check-up.
Rydell Chevrolet Buick GMC Cadillac [2700 South Washington Street Grand Forks] 4:00pm–7:00pm.
13–16,
Santa Village @ Lincoln Park Golf Course
701.746.2750
www.gfparks.org
Santa & his elves will set up their workshop at the Lincoln Park Golf Course Clubhouse in Grand Forks! Everyone is welcome to meet the elves & make a holiday craft or two or take a ride on a horse-drawn sleigh or stop in to look at the beautifully adorned trees & sip some cocoa. Free admission with donation of non-perishable food item or new toy.
14–16
Cirque Du Soleil: Quidam
701.777.4167
www.theralph.com
Young Zoé is bored; her parents, distant and apathetic, ignore her. Her life has lost all meaning. Seeking to fill the void of her existence, she slides into an imaginary world—the world of Quidam, where she meets characters who encourage her to free her soul. The international cast features 52 world-class acrobats, musicians, singers and characters. Tickets range from Adults: $35 to $75, Children [12 & under]: $28 to $61, Military, Seniors & Students: $31.50 to $63. Show times vary each show. See you at the Ralph [Grand Forks]!
17
Parent and Adults ADHD support Groups. www.chadd.net/336
The use of Medications in ADHD Management. Come get your questions answered by local Psychiatrist on medications and their application in ADHD management. 6:30–8:00pm at West Acres Community Room—Meetings are Free and Open to the Public.
17
North Pole Calling
701.746.2750
www.gfparks.org
Children in Grand Forks who are in kindergarten and 1st grade have an opportunity to talk with Santa or Mrs. Claus who will be more than happy to call your child and wish him or her a Merry Christmas. Register your child today!
25
Merry, Merry Christmas!
31 Happy News Eve!
any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime
— red skelton
4–6
Elmo’s Super Heroes
www.fargodome.com
Super Grover has lost his super-ness and Sesame Street needs a hero! Never fear, the fabulous five Super Heroes are here—featuring Elmo as Captain Fuzzy! Elmo, Abby Cadabby, Big Bird and all their friends are on a quest to put the “super” back in Super Grover. Singing and dancing their way through fun lessons on healthy habits, they discover how exercise, rest, nutritious food and good hygiene can save Super Grover—and turn your children into Super Heroes, too! Tickets range from $14–$51.
4
Harlem Globetrotters
www.aleruscenter.com
A night of crazy and silly b-ball entertainment. Before the game, spend time on the court with the Globetrotters – shooting, trying out ball tricks, autographs and photos! The unique 30-minute preshow, “Magic Pass.”. Stick around after the game autographs and photographs with the players.
7
12
12
Problems with Behavioral Disinhibition in ADHD.
www.chadd.net/336
Come learn about effective parenting techniques and tools to manage problem behavior in your child with ADHD. A Parent Educational Support Group meeting
6:30–8:00pm at West Acres Community Room—Meetings are Free and Open to the Public.
8
Swing Dance
701.306.9681
Swing dance every Tuesday night at the Avalon Ballroom [613 1st Ave N. Downtown Fargo]. Learn the East Coast Swing, Lindy Hop and Shim Sham. Lessons 8:30–9:30pm and open dance 9:30–11:30pm. Adults $7 Students $5.
www.fargoparks.com
A recreational 5K traditional ski race and 5K & 10K skating style races are offered for adults. A 1K & 3K classic races and 3K skating style race are offered for youth. Lunch will follow in the Chalet. Each participant will receive a free t-shirt. 9:00am at Edgewood Gold Course
12
Awesome Art Afternoon
www.fargoparks.com
Love art but hate the mess? Bring your child to these interactive art programs to have fun while building a variety of take home projects. All creative materials will be provided. Adult supervision required. 1–3pm Robert D. Johnson Recreation Center [1104 2nd Ave S Ste 215].
Family Winter-ific Day
701. 499.7788
www.fargoparks.com
Events for the entire family at the Edgewood Winter Chalet [19 Golf Course Ave N, Fargo] 1pm–4pm. Food, Clydesdale sleigh rides, cross-country skiing and downhill sledding.
14 & 21
CPR/AED Heartsaver
701.364.1704
www.fmambulance.com
This course at the F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo] covers basic adult, child & infant CPR plus how to use an AED [Automated External Defibrillator]. All CPR and First Aid classes at F-M Ambulance are taught under the guidelines of the American Heart Association. Register online, $35 fee.
All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area it is encouraged organizations submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com
701.433.5360
www.wfparks.org
Look forward to many annual Winter Days events. Returning events will include the Chili Cook-off, Snow Golf Tournament, Sleigh Rides, Senior Citizens Luncheon, Sliver Snowflake Search, Create the Park Book Cover Contest & more!
www.chadd.net/336
Understand the mood changes and emotional intensity commonly associated with ADHD. Discuss and share strategies for having feelings without acting on them.
Adult Educational Support Group Meeting
6:30–8:00pm at West Acres Community Room—Meetings are Free and Open to the Public.
701.499.6060
www.fargoparks.com
Doors will open at 11:30am at Scheels Arena [5225 31st Ave S, Fargo] with free Subway & event t-shirts given to the kiddos while supplies last. Sit in the stands & enjoy the movie Mighty Ducks II at 11:45am while you snack on free popcorn & Pepsi products. After the movie there will be an open skate with Fargo Force players & coaches & carnival games. The afternoon will finish with a Celebrity Hockey Game at 3pm with local dignitaries & celebrities.
22
Fabulous Friends & Fashion
701.293.7273
ww.raccfm.com
The Rape and Abuse Crisis Center and My Best Friend's Closet have teamed up to bring you a night of glamour, gal pals, and giving back. Enjoy a delicious dinner, dessert, silent auction, and style show at the Fargo Country Club. Social- 5:30-6pm, Dinner & Style Show- 6-8pm. Tickets are $25/person or $300 for a reserved table of 10. Seating is limited. Get yours now!
25–27
Red River Valley Boat & Marine Show
www.fargodome.com
Check out the newest innovations in boats, marine electronics and accessories GPS, Docks, Trailers, Riggings and so much more. Tickets on sale at the Fargodome on event days only. Adults: $7.00, Children 6–12: $2.50, 6 & under: FREE. The Kiwanis will be distributing $1 off coupons at area Stop N Go stores prior to the show.
www.fargodome.com
The twelve-feet-tall, ten-thousand-pound machines will bring you to your feet, racing and ripping up a custom-designed track full of obstacles to soar over—OR smash through. The massive night's entertainment tailored perfectly for your family's budget, and these colorful, larger-than-life beasts are sure to capture the hearts of both young and old. Ticket price vary with special offer options. Visit website for all details.
2
Frozen Fantasy
www.fargoparks.com
Create some winter magic by bringing the whole family out to this semi-formal dance affair. Let it snow outside while you dance the night away at this fantasy land. The evening will consist of music, dancing and refreshments. A professional photographer will be available to take your family photos. Tickets can be purchased at the RDJ Rec Center, [1104 2nd Ave S Ste 215] starting on January 8th. Fee: $8 adults and $4 for kids [ages 3–18], ages 2 & under free.
3
Go
www.gorednd.com
Heart disease kills 1 in 3 women in North Dakota, but it is highly preventable. Support a heart healthy lifestyle & wear red all day!
4
Honor Your Health: Discover Your Hunger
701.234.5570
www.sanfordhealth.org
Feelings of hunger can sabotage attempts to change eating habits. Learn to recognize our body’s hunger and fullness cues to guide you to normalized eating. This class will focus on various foods, techniques and false hunger signals that impact what and how much we eat. Learn key practical strategies to better manage hunger and fullness. Classes will be held the first Monday of the month at 5:30 pm. $10.00 fee for each class. Pre-registration is required.
701.306.9681
Swing dance every Tuesday night at the Avalon Ballroom [613 1st Ave N. Downtown Fargo]. Learn the East Coast Swing, Lindy Hop and Shim Sham. Lessons 8:30–9:30pm and open dance 9:30–11:30pm. Adults $7 Students $5.
9
Sweetheart Ball
701.232.3980
www.rmhcfargo.org
Support the Ronald McDonald House of the Red River Valley at the Holiday Inn, 6pm–midnight, with an devening of featuring dinner, a live & silent auction & dancing at this semi-formal event. Tickets are $75.
9
Can I come in and play?
218.477.2214
The gym at the MSUM Early Education Center will be open for community members to come and play! Come check out our new facility and bring your children in from the cold to ride bikes, run, and play with other children. This event is for children 16 months to 6 years of age. Children must be accompanied by an adult. 10am–12 noon. Call Lacey for more details.
9
Awesome Art Afternoon
www.fargoparks.com
Love art but hate the mess? Bring your child to these interactive art programs to have fun while building a variety of take home projects. All creative materials will be provided. Adult supervision required. 1:00–3:00pm Robert D. Johnson Recreation Center [1104 2nd Ave S Ste 215].
17
Family Day at the Dike
www.fargoparks.com
1:00–4:00 pm Dike West Events for the entire family. Races, sledding, hot dogs and Pepsi products while supplies last
23
Youth Ice Fishing Derby
701.499.6090
www.fargoparks.com
Bring your ice fishing rod and try your luck at the annual Youth Ice Fishing Derby!
Come and learn more about ice fishing including augers, ice houses, sonar equipment and much more! Free Pepsi products, hot cocoa and t-shirts [while supplies last]. Registration by 12:30pm—Derby
1:00–2:30pm Woodhaven South Park & Fishing Pond [4802 Woodhaven Drive S]
22–24
Home & Garden show
www.fargodome.com
A lil’ spring time in the winter! The Red River Valley Home & Garden Show offers the largest selection of home and garden exhibits in the region!
26
Swing Dance
701.306.9681
Swing dance every Tuesday night at the Avalon Ballroom [613 1st Ave N. Downtown Fargo]. Learn the East Coast Swing, Lindy Hop and Shim Sham. Lessons 8:30–9:30pm and open dance 9:30–11:30pm. Adults $7 Students $5.
Choosing to be a physician to help people and be an educator, Dr Lesley Soine [38] believes patients need to understand what ails them in order to be active in their treatment plan . Born in Jamestown, ND and raised in Montevideo, MN, Dr Soine attended NDSU for an undergraduate degree in zoology and UND for medical school before completing her residency in Otolaryngology Head and Neck Surgery at the University of Colorado Drawn to the complexity of the Ears, Nose and Throat [ENT] anatomy, areas treated and variety of patients, ages and conditions, Dr . Soine returned to the FM area and joined a single specialty practice for seven years before deciding to open her own practice in November of 2011 When not caring for patients, she says her second job is chauffeuring her two daughters, Sydni [12] and Olivia [7], to numerous activities She and husband, Bill, live for lake time, enjoy snow skiing and love animals, especially the families Great Dane, Jake, and French bulldog, Stewie, which they affectionately call the pony and the pig
photos: rialee photography | andrea burner
how many employees do you currently have?
We have seven full-time employees and one part-time employee.
what do you think your clinic's specialty is?
We deliver exceptional ear, nose and throat care to people of all ages and it is personalized—that’s important. We even offer “live voice mail” at out clinic, which will really throw people off their game!
what is something Plains ENT & Facial Plastic Surgery offers that we might not know about?
We offer treatment for chronic ear infections, snoring [pediatric and adult], sinus problems, tonsillitis and sore throats, hearing loss, nasal congestion and allergies. Our facial plastic surgery emphasis is on helping people improve the appearance of prominent ears, nasal profiles, facial lesions/scarring and facial wrinkles.
what is the best business mistake you’ve made?
Coming out of residency, I turned down a position at a large multi-specialty clinic. Taking that position would have insulated me from experiencing the business aspect of running a clinic. is there one thing you know now that you wish you had known when you first opened the clinic?
Not to sweat the small stuff and completing goals always take a lot longer than you think they should.
what were the first five things you focused on before going into business for yourself?
Developing my “doctor” skills. Paying off debt. Developing a business and marketing plan. Hiring the right complement of people to support me. Discussing it all with an attorney.
with multiple clinics, explain how your schedule fits the Carrington and Grand Forks clinic locations?
We have a great team to cover such a large service area. It takes everyone to transport a functioning “clinic” one to two hours from home base. The area is divided between James Frisk, MD and I. I currently travel to Grand Forks on Tuesdays, altering my schedule when needed.
what qualities would your patients use to best describe you?
I listen well. To be the best doctor I can be I need to understand my patients, they want to know why and what I’m doing to help them to healthier days. My profession is my passion. It’s all about focusing on the people.
what qualities do you believe every women needs to have to be successful in business?
Love what you do for the business, clear vision of the business goals and discipline. what is necessary to keep your day running smoothly?
Caffeine, a good attitude and the clinic team. have you had to make mom sacrifices for the sake of your profession?
Yes. I think I have made several of the same sacrifices that all working moms have to make. For example, leaving my kids with another caregiver early on in their life to return to work or the general sense of missing out due to work schedule and/or fatigue are common experiences we all share. Some experiences that may be unique to my profession would be the training duration and requirements. I spent the first two years of my daughter’s life working well over a hundred hours a week. Currently my kids have had to learn that there are times when mom is not available to them.
My childhood best friend has been an inspiration to me for several years. She has demonstrated remarkable perseverance when dealing with debilitating juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. She at a young age has had to deal with multiple joint replacement surgeries and chronic pain. Despite this, she has the energy to run a business with her father and one would never guess how much discomfort she has to deal with on a daily basis.
how would you describe your support system?
I rely on my family and friends. I am grateful to have Bill, my husband, my parents Bill and Jenny, my older brother Butch, my kids, the clinic team and those few close friends.
what part of your career are you most proud of?
I have the knowledge, skills and confidence to help people improve their health. away from the clinic, what might we find you doing?
Watching my kids in their activities or spending time at the lake with my family.
something you admire, but would never do?
Sing in a band—I love music, but I am tone deaf! what is your biggest claim to fame?
I have known my husband since I was 14-years-old when we began dating.
what advice would you give other women considering the mompreneur title?
Ask questions and hire help. Take on the tasks you consider important. For the rest, give up control. I have people help me clean my house and I gave up regularly cooking shortly after starting residency.
Fargo 2700 12th Ave. S., Suite D Fargo, ND 701.235.1924
www.plainsent.com
Grand Forks 4350 S. Washington St., Suite 112 Grand Forks, ND 701.235.1924
Carrington Foster County Medical Center 800 N 4th St. Carrington, ND 701.652.2515
prints charming
tiny sprout portraits
timeless images photography
prints charming
studio 60 photography
When the Parker family stepped off the elevator into Sanford Children’s Hospital in Fargo, their eyes lit up. Toddler Kinley pointed to the big tree in the middle of this colorful place.
“We instantly felt the warmth of Sanford Children’s. So uplifting and different from any hospital we’d ever experienced,” says Kinley’s mom Holly. “We knew it was going to be a good day.”
On this day in late March 2012, Kinley Parker would undergo a treatment they hoped would help her walk.
“She was 18-months-old and had never even tried,” says Holly.
treating clubfoot
Kinley’s inability to walk stemmed from clubfoot a birth defect that affects about 1 in every 1,000 babies in the US. Kinley’s case was especially severe. Both feet twisted inward. Without treatment, she’d never stand, walk or run normally.
The lengthy process to correct Kinley’s feet began shortly after her birth in Grand Forks, ND. Treatments included casting, bracing and surgeries. All brought key improvements, but still no walking.
When pain emerged, Kinley’s doctor in Grand Forks called on Dr. William Klava, Sanford physical medicine and rehabilitation specialist. Dr. Klava traveled to Grand Forks for an in-person consultation.
“Right away Kinley crawled over to him and wanted to sit on his lap,” says Holly. “He was like a grandpa to her. We trusted him.”
Dr. Klava recommended the therapeutic use of Botox to relax the muscles causing the pain. But the injections can be difficult for children. Dr. Klava knew Sanford Children’s had the expertise and resources, including child life specialists to make the treatment as easy as possible.
For nine days there was no noticeable difference. Then came the tenth.
“It was the evening before Easter and we were at my parents’ house,” recalls Holly. “My dad had M&M’s in his hand. Kinley saw them and just took off walking! For the next 45 minutes she kept going back and forth from one person to the next. Every time she reached someone she’d hug them.”
“Kinley kept saying, ‘I walk! I walk! I walk!’” And she did. “She walked everywhere,” says Holly. “It was amazing to see!”
In July Kinley started tripping because one foot began to invert again -- an ongoing challenge in treating clubfoot. Another straightening surgery took place in August in Grand Forks. The hope is she’ll be on her feet again in a matter of months.
Kinley doesn’t let this challenge or any other stop her from being a kid. A huge Minnie Mouse fan, she loves swimming, throwing balls and launching food. “Mac and cheese is a favorite,” says dad James. “She gets a big grin on her face and there it goes.”
The coming years will include more treatments. Kinley forges ahead.
“Nothing limits her,” says Holly. “She’s a kid who doesn’t give up.”
The Parkers don’t give up either. They appreciate the excellent help and support they’ve received from family, friends and their community of Warren, MN. They also appreciate the teamwork of the many medical professionals involved in Kinley’s care, including Dr. Jon Bradbury primary care physician.
Born in Slayton, MN to Connie and Jim, Scott Van Dam was the big brother to sisters Tammy and Michelle He graduated with a biology degree from South Dakota State University and went on to study for his doctorate in Chiropractic at Northwestern Health Sciences University in Bloomington, MN He has owned his own Chiropractic/Acupuncture clinic [Van Dam Chiropractic] for the past 15 years and feels very blessed to be able to help people stay healthy and feel better On any given day you may see him riding his Harley, with a sidecar attached for the kids and dog, golfing, or playing catch in the yard with the kids He enjoys all things outdoors including spending time with Shyrlee, wife of 17 years, and their three kids, Hannah [14], Cameron [11], and Evan [8], at the lake
photos: rialee photography | sabrina kliniske
i’d like to learn how to… fly a plane.
something every guy should have… a cordless drill.
the greatest compliment i have been given… when a patient tells me how the care they received in my office has made them feel so much better.
being a dad has made me appreciate… sitting down together as a whole family for a meal.
all-time favorite movie…
any James Bond movie with Sean Connery.
owning my own business has given me… the freedom to set my own work schedule. you would never catch me…
dusting the house.
my dad…
passed way from cancer when I was 21-years-old. He was a truck driver for a grain elevator and had a work ethic second to none. He had a strong example of his faith in God and always put his family first.
three things on my bucket list… travel to Rio de Janero, go white water rafting, and ride motorcycle in all 50 states. if i could spend a day with any person from any time period it would be… my dad.
something i miss from my childhood… Saturday morning cartoons. my favorite gas station goodie grab… sunflower seeds.
the store that knows me by name… Fleet Farm.
i would love to invent… a universal charging system for all cordless electronic devices.
my beverage of choice… water.
something i would like my wife to have or experience someday… a pasture with a couple of horses.
my fashion style could best be described as… comfortable and casual.
What does the term health mean to you? Having good health is defined by Webster as “freedom from physical disease or pain.” Physical health is often the first thing considered when you hear the word health, and it is an important component of our overall health and well-being, but it truly is only one dimension of our total wellness. Health has greater depth when we recognize it encompasses body, mind, and spirit.
The ‘Wholeness Wheel’ is a tool to evaluate and represent a person’s overall health. With this visual representation, the areas of health cannot be clearly divided; each dimension affects every other dimension. Take out one dimension and it’s no longer a wheel. The interconnectedness of individual aspects of well-being [social/interpersonal, emotional, physical, financial, vocational, intellectual]—all supported by spiritual well-being—reminds us that being truly healthy and whole is about being in balance and intentionally nurturing all aspects of health surrounded and supported by spiritual health.
parish nurses and faith community nurses respond to the call
Parish/faith community nurses are licensed, registered nurses who practice wholistic health for self, individuals and the community using nursing knowledge combined with spiritual care. It is a unique practice where nurses are called upon less for their “hands on” skills and much more for their “being with” skills. They have been called “ministers of health” by Rev. Granger Westberg, a pioneer who had broken new ground in the areas of religion, medicine, and whole person health. His work was based on the belief that medicine transcends the physical because true healing involves the body, mind, and spirit.
The Wholeness Wheel is often used by parish/faith community nurses to promote and educate people about whole health. They recognize that people are indivisible wholes—fully integrated physical, emotional, intellectual, social, and spiritual beings. Parish/faith community nurses respond to this approach to care for and help individuals discern their personal wellness journey. Our community is blessed with many caring
and dedicated Parish/Faith Community nurses who are committed to this call and concept of whole health.
Let’s take a look at each dimension of living whole:
• physical well-being We are not all born perfectly healthy and no one makes it through life without injury or illness, yet with tending and nurturing we can live well even with disabilities, injuries, or illness. Those with good health can lose it as a result of unhealthy lifestyles and behaviors. Keeping the wholeness wheel in perspective means optimizing our physical health through good nutrition, physical activity, and avoiding risks to our health. It does not mean prioritizing physical health at the expense of other aspects of health.
• emotional well-being Being emotionally well means feeling the full range of emotions and expressing those emotions appropriately. Not feeling emotion is a sign of stress or depression, just as having emotions that you cannot control may be a sign of emotional distress. Physical health problems can affect our emotions, and emotional problems affect our physical health. One example is anger and hostility, an emotion that puts one at significantly
greater risk for heart disease. Keeping our emotional health means taking time in the day to be peaceful and centered, just as it means sharing emotions with others.
• social well-being We were created by God to be social persons with instructions to help and love each other. We are nourished by the love and intimacy of our family and friends. Isolation is a significant risk factor for depression and premature death. Whether we are introverted or extroverted, regular social contact is essential for health. Being healthy means having healthy relationships with family, friends, co-workers, and others. Studies have shown that volunteering in service to others actually lengthens life.
• intellectual well-being Alzheimer’s disease or dementia is feared by all who have seen or heard about the personal frustration or social disruption it causes. While we cannot be certain that we will never experience dementia or something similar, using our minds keeps them alert and active. Use it or lose it! Satisfy curiosity by seeking answers. We can stretch our minds by experiencing new things—music, art, hobbies or travel. Pushing ourselves at work by seeking out new responsibilities and pursuing lifelong learning keeps us healthy and growing.
• vocational well-being Having a sense of purpose is important in living a healthy life. We all want to feel that we are using the gifts God has given us to make this world a better place. We need to be aware of what those gifts are and make good use of education and training to hone our skills. We need to always seek opportunities to make a difference through our occupation, volunteering in the community, nurturing our family, or actively participating in church.
• financial well-being In all aspects of well-being we are called to be stewards. Good financial stewards make decisions based on their values, which is evident in the way they save, spend and share. This understanding of stewardship embraces resilience, sustainability and generosity.
• spiritual well-being Loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength impacts everything we do and everything we are. Starting first with your spiritual health makes balancing the wheel much easier because we know who we are and who we belong to. Nurturing your relationship with God through daily prayer or devotion is the first step.
Knowing that God is always present and has given us the gift of grace through the death of Jesus Christ allows us to stumble along the way and keeps us from getting lost. Spiritual health encompasses all aspects of the Wholeness Wheel.
assess your overall well-being
Consider which dimensions you feel “most well” and those areas you feel “least well.” This balance of health and wellness is an ongoing process. We never quite reach a perfect state of health, but we are called to intentionally nurture all aspects of our health. If areas or dimensions of a person’s wellness are underdeveloped
Some may look at this as being selfish, but the healthier or ‘whole’ we are, the more effectively we can reach out and care for others.
or neglected, the “wheel” will be off balance. Think of spokes on a bicycle wheel. If one of the spokes is broken, the wheel will not function properly. Wellness occurs when there is a degree of balance among all dimensions. What a person considers “optimal wellness” is based on their needs, experiences, and circumstances. As we go through life’s challenges and joys, different aspects of wellness will fall in and out of balance and may need more attention than other areas. Caring for ourselves [our whole selves] makes a difference in this balance.
So how do we practice self care and nurture this approach to health? When life gets overwhelming or out of control, stress can become a serious problem that can affect each of these dimensions. If you identified a dimension of your Wholeness Wheel that needs work, then to be ready to take a step toward change. People typically move through several stages in order to make durable change in their lives. According to the Wellness Council of America, there are five stages of change: pre-contemplation [“I’m not interested”]; contemplation [“I’m thinking about it”]; preparation [“I’m getting ready”]; action [“I’m doing it”]; and maintenance [“It’s what I do”]. The behavior has to be present for at least six months before you can call it maintenance and you need to be mindful of your readiness to change to be successful. To begin making a change, set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-specific.
live well!
Living well is about balance and wholeness—and knowing who you are. Revisiting the Wholeness Wheel periodically can be very valuable by helping put things into perspective. With our busy lives, we mindlessly neglect some areas of our health from time to time, so it may be helpful to take a personal inventory and do a reset if you need to.
health has greater depth when we recognize it encompasses body, mind, and spirit
Calling all penny pinchers and bargain seekers! Next time you’re making a shopping list, check it twice and ask yourself if all your items are “I gotta have it now” type of stuff. Wrangle in those urges to impulsively buy and get the biggest bang for your buck when you buy on the best day and time of the month.
january
gift cards You wouldn't think there would be a best time to buy gift cards, but there is. Just after the holidays, consider deals on gift card exchange sites like plasticjungle.com or giftcards.com, where people trade in their unwanted cards for cash.
carpeting & flooring People like to freshen up their flooring at the end of the year in preparation for company over the holidays, but it isn’t until January rolls around that prices seem to drop.
february
boats February is boat show season, and manufacturers like to clear out the old models, so you can often get some pretty good deals.
march
golf clubs New models come out for the summer and stores will start pushing the older models out the door. Grab last year's set cheaper and you'll forget all about the awesome new models.
april
cookware & kitchen accessories Spring means graduation season is around the corner and even if you're well out of school, take advantage of the grad-based gift sales for kitchen-related needs.
tires and auto parts April is National Car Care Month and it’s likely to find buy-three-get-one-free deals on tires, free oil changes, and other car checkups.
may
mattresses If you have an old, saggy, or lumpy mattress, May is the best time to buy a new one. Retailers try to clear inventory ahead of the new stock and with Memorial Day weekend closing out the month, you are sure to find deep discounts.
gym membership Membership sales soar in January as everyone resolves to lose weight, but lag in spring and summer. You’ll find lower fees and waived enrollment fees to lure you to their treadmills.
paint Summer is house painting season, so prices drop. Whether you're repainting your entire house or you just want to spice up a few boring rooms, this is the perfect time to grab your paint colors for cheap.
tools It’s Father's day month, which means all the stereotypical gifts are on sale—the top choice being power tools.
july
grills Borrow your neighbor's grill for Independence Day, then grab a great deal after the 4th.
august
outdoor End of summer always means big seasonal clear out sales. Swing sets, lake and pool toys, swimming gear, and other outdoor items will be calling your name.
dehumidifier Apparently people are less interested in sucking the moisture out of their homes in late summer as research shows August is when merchants put dehumidifiers on sale.
wine It's harvest time, which means this is the best time to stock up on wine.
new car With new models rollin’ onto car lots in the fall, it’s a great time to check out last year’s models for deals. Shop on a weekday, at the end of the month to get the extra attention of a sales person working to make their monthly quota.
october
shrubs & trees In the fall nurseries are trying to clear out trees and shrub inventory – it is also a good time to plant a tree. Autumn is also a good time to buy bulbs, if your store them according to package directions, you will be money ahead come spring time.
wedding supplies With winter right around the corner finding a venue and negotiating those services is going to be a lot easier. The deeper into winter you wait, the better it gets.
disney world Considering a family vaca but don’t want to break the bank? Get better deals on hotel and airfare later in the fall when temps are cooler.
furnace Wait until contractors aren’t so busy repairing and installing air conditioning and heating systems. You are likely to find them more willing to cut you a deal in spring or late fall.
wedding dresses Boutiques are stocked with gowns for Christmas engagements, but it’s a slow sales period.
gasoline Fuel up on a weekday, early in the morning or in the evening. Prices are usually changed between 10am and noon.
groceries [supermarket] Shopping on Sunday evenings can save you on items that must be sold by day’s end—produce, etc.
airline tickets For domestic non-holiday travel, look for the lowest fares 21 days from your departure. Fares are updated at 10am, 12:30pm, and 8pm on weekdays. Lowest fares are filed on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and occasionally on Saturdays. Wednesday is generally the cheapest day to fly and Sunday most expensive.
entertainment Venues like museums and amusement parks often have discounts during the middle of the week, when they're less crowded – BONUS!
bread Bakeries discount their products by up to 50% after 4pm to avoid tossing out leftovers. Remember that bread is freezable, so stock up on lunch supplies when you see a good sale.
meat Hunt for meat deals first thing in the morning Monday through Friday. Often you will find manager’s specials that must be sold by noon. Buy in bulk and freeze.
If you’re one to make resolutions every New Year, resolve to save money all year round!
sources: consumer reports | free shopping | carpet supersite cut monthly expenses | real simple
Raise your hand if you remember what a CB radio is? Walkie Talkie? Oh dear. Modes of communication have evolved.
To my husband’s dismay, social media is all the rage. Facebook. Twitter. YouTube. Zip. Zero. Zilch. He doesn’t subscribe...yet. I keep telling him, “It’s here to stay, so get your tweet on.” I think he thinks I’m asking him out on a date.
Drew’s trepidations about social media are valid. An entire generation is being raised on this type of communication. The hours of face-to-face contact with humans decline as the use of social networking increases. Some suggest that it’s addictive and may very well cause isolation and depression. Many young users are unaware or simply don’t care that the information they post is public and permanent. Inappropriate and embarrassing photos or posts leave them prey
to all sorts of predators, even lost job or educational opportunities. There are security risks and invasions of privacy when we open our lives to the cyber-world. The list of concerns is lengthy.
I accept the risks, but proceed and post with great caution. I have a very active Facebook account and dispatch a mother-load [pun-intended] of posts about our family. I’m riveted by how small our world has become. I have family and friends scattered all over the east coast, mostly in Philadelphia. Life gets busy and we lose touch. I have cousins and friends who wouldn’t know our kids without Facebook. I have never felt so connected to them as I do now because of these advances. We are [easily] able to mingle with a slew of people through a single post. Without resources—like Facebook—some of my relationships would inevitably become stale or lost. I’m fascinated by this evolution.
Still Drew is less-enthralled. He posted his thoughts about social networking last year in our family’s
Christmas letter. These epistles are widely known for their light-hearted tales of our missteps, adventures, and developments. There was an entire paragraph devoted to Facebook. In it, he wrote:
“As for Kathleen…is it too late to uninvent Facebook? I’m not even sure this letter is necessary now that she posts constant updates on-line. Though I am not on Facebook—and therefore have no “friends” and have never been “liked”—I manage to get updates from 3,000 people who peer into our home via Kathleen’s missives. Hey without Facebook, how would anyone know that Patrick held a repairman at bay on the doorstep, point of Nerf cross-bow, while the girls ran downstairs to get mom and “confirm” that this “intruder” was legit? Don’t even get me started. And please LIKE this comment if you think a zone of privacy seems in order!”
He was right. That story had been told on Facebook. Well I can’t help that he missed the boat…or post.
I give my husband credit; he’s very private but is gracious [and hides his shock] when overly familiar questions are asked, such as “So, how was your birthday? Did you enjoy the free dessert? It looked delish.”
I had to laugh [out loud] when he called me [exacerbated] last year after a “friend” posted a message on my Facebook page. It read, “Just saw the Lieutenant Governor in the Capitol. Want me to give him a high-five for you?” The message went viral. Facebook “friends” from all over read, shared, commented and re-posted, requesting that high-fives be sent from them, as well. Drew was high-fived throughout the halls of the Capitol and even in the Senate Chambers that day. He asked me not to do that again. I won’t.
Jokes aside, we agree that Facebook is a powerful tool. For all its downsides, there are many benefits. We witnessed the magnitude of its value just recently, Our community learned about two families in crisis.
Jordan Peterson is our 10-year-old buddy. Jordan has Cystic Fibrosis and is waiting for a double lung transplant. He and his family temporarily relocated to Texas, where they await his transplant. Then there’s 5-month-old
Jace Jo Pederson and his young daddy, Trent. They have a heroic battle ahead of them. Trent’s wife, Tami, died suddenly [in June] of a massive brain aneurysm. She was pregnant with Jace. Doctors delivered Jace and saved
his life, but his brain was deprived of oxygen during his mommy’s medical emergency. The damage to his brain cannot be reversed. He needs special care even for the simplest of tasks, like feeding and physical therapy. Through a simple Facebook post, these children and their stories tugged at thousands of hearts. Complete strangers came to their rescue. The results are astounding.
Facebook was the tool used to connect these hearts. It was the most efficient, economic, quickest, large-scale way to reach out for aid. Through private messages and public posts, our community—and perfect strangers from all over the country—wrapped their arms and hearts around these children. Promotions done solely through Facebook garnered media attention and the public [YOU] responded with mighty force. More than $55,000 was raised for these two families. And the contributions keep coming.
I love the phrase “Kindness is contagious.” It is. And when the cyber-world is used to spread positive, productive
messages that lift people, kindness swells. Strangers become heroes and hearts are connected.
Warning: Facebook is a powerful tool. It connects, builds, empowers, inspires, encourages, rouses, authorizes, and invests in people, causes, and messages. But if used incorrectly, it can destroy, invade, squander, misuse, trash, embarrass, bully, spoil, and may cause hives, insomnia, dizziness, or just plain ruin your life. Neither On the Minds of Moms magazine nor this writer is responsible for the trouble you get into using Facebook or any other social networking application. Please use appropriately.
Kathleen is a stay-at-home mom who serves on a number of community boards/committees, is active in her church, kids’ school, and politics and runs to sustain her own mental health! This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth generation North Dakotan, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speech writer. Kathleen received a BS from The Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University, in Philadelphia.
Send
cloth diapers, worth the
school bullies,
time.
need
• 48 large fresh mushrooms
• 1 pkg [19 oz.] Mild Italian Sausage Links [Johnsonville]
• 1/2 cup dry bread crumbs
• 1 pkg [8 oz.] cream cheese, softened
how to
1. Preheat oven to 400°F.
• 2 Tbsp. fresh parsley, finely chopped
• 1 Tbsp. lemon juice
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 1/4 Parmesan cheese, grated
2. Remove mushroom stems and discard; set caps aside.
3. Place mushroom caps on foil-lined baking sheets; set aside.
4. Remove sausage casings.
5. In a skillet, cook and crumble sausage over medium heat until no longer pink; drain.
6. Remove from heat. Stir in bread crumbs and set aside.
7. In a bowl, combine the cream cheese, parsley, lemon juice, and garlic until smooth.
8. Combine cream cheese mixture and sausage.
9. Fill each cap with sausage and cream cheese mixture.
10. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.
11. Bake for 14-16 minutes or until mushrooms are tender and lightly browned.
source:tasteofhome.com
Does the thought of preparing a four-course meal crank up the stress-o-meter in your already overbooked holiday season? Consider serving light and tasty appetizers at your next gathering and your guests will thank you—no one goes home popping a pants button, and finger food lets everyone mingle. Give this easy, mouth-watering app a try.
story by | patricia carlson
The wind is cool this morning. It’s early; the sun not yet risen to offer light and warmth. Her keys jingle as she opens the door. She’s greeted by the familiar sight of racks of clothes, shoes, handbags and jewels. She sets her coffee down, powers up her computer and opens her email. There, amid the dozens of messages that have crowded her inbox overnight, is the invitation. She takes a breath and clicks on it. She begins inspecting the colors and font; double-checks the spelling. It has to be perfect…it’s for her daughter.
photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki
Glenda Haugen met her perfect match in college. Don was studious, driven and bright. She could see their future together and so could he. Glenda graduated from Concordia in 1969 and Don graduated from Moorhead State University in 1970. They were married in June, 1970.
“She’s the other half of me,” gushes Don. “After 42 years, she understands what my needs are and I understand what her needs are. We just kind of take care of each other.”
Although they were both focused on growing their careers—he as a Certified Public Accountant, she as a marketing specialist—they knew they wanted a family. And they both believed in raising socially-conscious, driven and well-rounded children.
Eric came first. Now a pediatrician, he was an AllAmerican kid who was excellent at school and good at extracurricular activities.
“She was so good with him,” says Don of his wife. “By the time Eric started kindergarten, he could already read.”
Four years later, the couple welcomed a daughter.
“Meredith had a beautiful smile, she could light up a room,” says her dad. “She was so smart and bubbly. Everyone liked her.”
But only a few knew the battles Meredith fought internally.
“Meredith struggled with depression,” explains Glenda. “She was so smart but she had demons in her life that took over.”
Glenda first noticed Meredith’s behavior changing around junior high school. Meredith suffered from severe anxiety, and she started experiencing mood swings. Eric says everyone in his family became concerned about Meredith.
“I was the oldest so I always felt like I had to keep an eye on her,” he says, adding, “but when she started dealing with her depression my parents had to deal with her a lot.”
Like any parent who witnesses their child struggling with an illness—“That’s what clinical depression is,” stresses Glenda. “You can’t fix it. You have to find a way to live with it.”
Glenda and Don did everything they could to help Meredith. They sought therapy, both individual and family. They lavished praise on her when she was in a
good state. They rewarded her positive efforts to cope with her depression.
“We did everything,” says Glenda. “It was so frustrating. Some days would be so great and we’d think, ‘We’re all better. Great. It’s over.’ And then one day something would happen and we’d tailspin again. The emotional and mental battles up and down were hard. It takes a toll on everyone in the family. Sometimes you don't see it happening, you just push through each day hoping it will get better. But when you look back you wonder about the days and nights you and the rest of your family have lost or suffered.”
It was the beginning of a war Glenda would fight for her daughter for many years to come.
a leader
Glenda has always enjoyed working outside the home. She held several impressive leadership roles throughout her early career: a pricing analyst at an oil firm, Executive Director of the North and South Dakota chapter of the Arthritis Foundation, Program and Membership Director for the YMCA of Cass and Clay Counties, and a marketing executive at an electrical wholesaler.
“I like leadership roles,” says Glenda. “It may sound egotistical to some, but if I want to complain about something I’d rather be active in it other than sitting on the sidelines.”
That’s Glenda. She’s bold. Confident. Assertive. Progressive. They are qualities that have served her well professionally through the decades. And while those characteristics can often carry a negative attachment when associated with a woman, they should not for Glenda because she uses those same traits to boost the profiles of nonprofit organizations and mentor other small business owners. She was President of the board of the Fargo Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm and on the board of The Chamber of Fargo, Moorhead and West Fargo, and she’s been an active participant in the Minnesota Jaycees, Fargo-Moorhead Junior League, and Women in Business group.
“She always wanted to be successful and having successful people around her was important and helping others succeed has always been very important to her,” explains Don. “It’s kind of a combination of those things that worked together for her to be a part of those groups.”
Because of her career and participation in these civic organizations, Glenda was often called upon to host
workshops on topics like running a business, being an effective female supervisor and how to promote yourself in the workplace.
“I really believed in the mission of Women In Business,” says Glenda. “At the time we were trying to get women interested in leadership roles. We wanted to coach women on how to start their own business or how to move up where they were working.”
Glenda would have to call on that knowledge herself when Meredith came to her with an idea for a motherdaughter business startup.
inventory. We were of one mind about what we wanted to do and how we wanted to establish it.”
Meredith had finished her master’s degree in psychology, but she wanted to explore something different. By the time she called her parents to ask for help setting up the store, Meredith was already halfway through the business plan.
“When Meredith got going nothing could stop her,” says Don. “She had these big ideas and then we’d come in and help. There was nothing she couldn’t get done.”
They would call it My Best Friend’s Closet and it would be the area’s premiere, locally owned consignment clothing shop. Meredith had sourced a location—the former Center of Fashion in Moorhead—and created a vision for the type of merchandise they would carry and who their clients would be.
“We didn’t want a thrift shop,” says Glenda. “We wanted a re-sale shop where we could find people who would consign quality clothing and continually upgrade our
The timing was ideal. Glenda was ready for a new challenge. She wanted to find an outlet to put her marketing skills to use in a way she’d never had the chance to do before because she’d always worked for other people. She was also eager to give young women the opportunity to work at an independently run, locally-owned business.
“She enjoyed being creative with the store,” says Ranelle Turman, one of Glenda’s longtime friends. “She was able to start seeing her ideas come to fruition and she started to see how creative she could be. She had done
marketing work before but now she saw she could do her own and be successful with it.”
My Best Friend’s Closet opened in the fall of 2003 and a devoted clientele quickly started shopping and consigning. Meredith was the face of the store and had a knowledgeable flair for fashion, Glenda the behindthe-scenes marketing brains, and Don did the books. It was a family affair.
“They were both so excited about changing the store into an image of what they could see in their minds,” says Don of his wife and daughter.
Customers were drawn in by Meredith’s beautiful smile and bubbly personality. She loved to gab with the store’s regulars and, once again, Glenda found herself wondering if the store would be the difference; the thing that could help her daughter cope with her depression. It wasn’t.
“Everybody knows Meredith as being happy-go-lucky and smart but she had a sad side, too, that she didn’t share with everyone,” says Glenda. “The people she met at the store always saw her as fun-loving and she was with us, too. But not every day was perfect at the store, either. There were certainly ups and downs with Meredith.”
For four years Meredith and Glenda ran My Best Friend’s Closet together, turning it into a go-to destination for gently-used, affordable, and stylish clothes and accessories. But Meredith’s demons lurked in the background and she increasingly self-medicated with prescription medication and alcohol.
“You’re supposed to have perfect children because you’ve been a good person,” says Glenda. “But what she had was genetic and hereditary.”
On June 29, 2007 Glenda and Don received the horrible news. Meredith passed away due to an accidental overdose.
legacy
Meredith’s funeral was beautiful, in no short order due to her mother’s exacting plans and ability to shelf her grief.
“My dad really fell apart,” recalls Eric. “My mom had to be so solid, so in charge. She was the one at the funeral parlor making every arrangement. My dad was devastated he couldn’t communicate.”
Four hundred people paid their respects to Meredith and her family that day, including four couples who Glenda and Don had counted as friends for more than 30 years. They’re the type of friends who answer questions about Meredith with, “When WE lost her...” That’s how close they all are. And what they remember most about Glenda in that terrible moment was her strength.
“She spoke with every person who went through the line. That’s what she’s like,” says Barbara Bibelheimer, another one of Glenda’s longtime friends from that group. “If she feels like something needs to be done she does it. I don’t know if I could’ve done that.”
As tough as it was to watch their friend suffer, they—along with the hundreds of others who attended Meredith’s funeral—helped ease Glenda’s pain by donating all the memorial funds to a cause close to her daughter’s heart.
Meredith had always loved children and she had a special gift for communicating with them. She had been a nanny for many years and was a volunteer caring for children seeking counsel and protection at the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center of Fargo-Moorhead [RACC]. She wasn’t abused but she had a kind, compassionate soul and seemed to have a way of understanding the pain children at the RACC were experiencing.
“Meredith had a real soft spot for children,” says Greg Diehl, Executive Director of RACC. “People who volunteer
here are very passionate about victims of domestic violence or sexual assault. They understand that nobody deserves that and that they should be provided the best care and services available. Someone like Meredith who volunteers here believes that.”
Glenda and Don donated all their daughter’s memorial money to the RACC. The Dakota Medical Foundation matched their donation and, collectively, they created The Meredith Haugen Play Therapy Room. Dedicated in July 2008, the room is filled with therapy-specific toys that help counselors provide a non-threatening experience to children in crisis.
“I’m very happy that her legacy is there and I’m even happier that the room is providing a service to kids,” says Don. “We were told one kid came in and said it’s a shame I had to have these problems so I could come into this room and play with these toys.”
Since then, Glenda and a group of her and Meredith's friends have celebrated Meredith’s birthday each January. They meet for dinner and each person renews their support to the playroom with a donation to RACC.
“I think it’s made us all aware of how important the RACC is,” says Glenda’s friend, Barbara. “It gives us a real incentive every year to keep up the room they’ve established in Meredith’s memory.”
This year though, Glenda is coordinating something different—something bigger and public—to celebrate her daughter and the work RACC does in the community. On January 22nd, My Best Friend's Closet will host a fundraiser called Fabulous Friends and Fashion at the Fargo Country Club in support of the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center.
“I think it’s fabulous what Glenda and Don are doing,” says Greg. “Our work at RACC is to work with victims of these crimes, it’s not to develop fundraisers. So when we have someone in the community who comes forward and says we’d like to do a fundraiser for you, that’s invaluable to us. It’s a tremendous gift, as is Glenda and Don’s continued support of our agency.”
Of course, My Best Friend’s Closet will provide all the clothes and accessories for the fashion show. There will also be a silent auction, and everything will be decorated in Meredith’s favorite colors, brown and pink.
“Glenda is excited but there is always this sense that
it has to be done right and professionally to create a good image for Meredith,” says Don.
Glenda admits to feeling some pressure coordinating the event, but it stems from the inevitable questions she knows it will draw about her daughter’s untimely death. Although she’s opened up a little to her intimate friends and had to answer the occasional question at her store, this is the first time Glenda will be faced with an unknowing public.
But Glenda knows as much as she wanted, she couldn’t fix Meredith’s problems. She credits the love and support of friends and family along with her faith in helping her move forward each day.
“I have learned that you are taken care of as much as you let God take care of you,” she says. “I know she’s safe. She’s at peace. I don’t have to worry about her. There was nothing else we could’ve done.”
Those close to Glenda have also seen the healing she experiences from honoring her daughter while benefiting the RACC.
“I think Meredith’s death was extremely difficult for her and continues to be,” says Ranelle, of Glenda. “But she made it her purpose to find meaning through Meredith’s death and that she was going to continue to move forward and not let her death be her defining moment. But that she would live and honor her memory.”
And Glenda is proud of the work she’s doing at My Best Friend’s Closet, now in its ninth year of business.
“What I wanted to do was run a business and be my own boss,” she states. “Despite the fact that I lost my partner, I’m still doing what I want to do and how I want to do it. And I’ve hired a young woman who is very much like Meredith. She acts like her in personality and creativeness.”
“Most everybody I know knows the story,” she says, adding, “but for the people who don’t know her, I don’t want them to think negatively about her. Why should it matter?”
She is still gone.
the future
Living after Meredith’s death hasn’t been easy. Does Glenda wish she could have done more? Yes. Does she wish Meredith could have experienced more of life’s joys? Yes. Does she wish her daughter was there to greet her each morning at the store? Yes.
Elizabeth “Lizzie” Larson started working at the store three months after Meredith died in 2007. She was a student at Concordia College at the time. After college graduation she worked as a buyer for Christopher and Banks in Minneapolis. In February of this year, she began her present position as store manager.
“It’s been a 180 degree turnaround since I started in 2007,” explains Lizzie. “Glenda laughs a lot more. I love to see that. And I’m glad that I can be there for her. My family lives three hours away so I kind of always call her my second mom.”
My Best Friend’s Closet has expanded and now houses no less than four merchandise rooms. It also has a thriving social media presence and eBay business. The store is exactly where Glenda always wanted it to be.
“This is my outlet. This gives me my good feeling for the day and maintains my purpose,” she reasons.
Glenda doesn’t plan on exiting this role any time soon. Yes, there are things she’d like to do more of—travel, garden, read—but she’s not ready to give up the constant interaction and distraction the store gives her.
Still, her son has one wish for his mom. After all she’s been through, after all the striving for success, after all the effort she poured into helping her daughter stay healthy, after all the dedication she’s shown to Meredith’s legacy since, he wishes she will finally achieve some peace and rest for herself.
“I think that she has always survived and thrived on stress and she has always strived to do the best and be a part of so many things that I hope she finally
reaches the point where she can say, ‘It’s okay for me to sit down and rest now,’” says Eric.
Until that moment comes, Glenda’s family and friends will continue to marvel at her strength and determination.
“The depth that Glenda has to her personality is incredible,” says Ranelle. “Sometimes you sit back and are amazed at how she does everything. I think she’s an example to all of us.”
There is a quote that Glenda often recalls when talking with people about the joys and heartbreaks of raising children—“A mother is only as happy as her saddest child.” Glenda says this quote is especially true for parents of children who suffer from depression. But if there is some advice she can give, it’s this:
“Depression has a powerful force in a person's life and to those around them,” she says. “You do what you can to help them through the rough times through therapy and medicine. You love them no matter what happens good or bad.”
And, in the end, you forgive yourself.
photo: thuen studios | scott thuen
story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe
Oh wasn’t it so great, so wondrous, so absolutely invaluable! You had your beautiful bundle of joy and promptly after weight, length and time of birth were written on the bassinet ID card you were given the book of all parenting books… the kiddo how to do everything right parenting guide…what? You didn’t get your copy? Oh Bummer! Well, here are some cliff notes to get you through a few kiddo encounters as they grow.
Lots of things can weigh on your mind once you find out your wee one is on the way. You gotta get ready! What color will the nursery be? You gotta buy Dreft to wash everything in. Diapers! What size and how many? Are you going to find out what you are having? You have to name this bundle of joy…a name that has to fit a lifetime! What else? Oh and if you work outside the home, in just a few weeks after you have your wee
one, you have to trust someone else to care for this precious miracle. How are you ever going to do that? where everyone knows your name
Choosing a daycare is a big decision. I mean we’re talking about your wee one! Whether you are choosing a center or home daycare, here are some tips to help you choose the setting that is right for you and your wee one:
• little help So where do you start? How do you find a daycare? Check with your local Child Resource & Referral agency. They will be able to provide you with information on local daycares, and a ton of other educational material.
• good ol’ q & a Once you have found some potential daycares, set-up some visits and check them out. Got questions for the daycare? Not sure you should ask it? ASK IT! If there is anything, ANYTHING, on your mind that you want to know, you should ask the daycare. And don’t forget about questions on staff, their qualifications, how long they have been there as well as what their policies are on everything from TV watching, lunches, sickness, naps and everything in between.
• how much While you can’t put a price on your wee one being taken care of properly, you still have to fit daycare into your family budget, so remember to talk dollar and cents. Make sure to ask about vacation days for you and your daycare and how they play into your fees.
• ya feelin’ it In the end, trust those wonderful mama instincts you are blessed with. If you just have a gut feeling things aren’t right at this place, move on.
daycare centers of today evolved from the 1840s welfare and reform movement in Boston that helped care for immigrant and working class kiddos while their mamas worked
It’s about that time of year. Santa, hot chocolate, holiday parties, gift giving and booger crusted tot faces! Gross… on the booger part of course. Still wrestling with your snot producing tot to only smear boogers from ear to ear? Time for nose blowing 101.
It seems so easy, doesn’t it? But we aren’t born knowing how to blow our nose. Just another item on the long list of “must learns.” Some tots will get it right away and others will need some training, but around 2-years-old, most are ready for the task. Here are some how to blow a booger tips:
• out the mouth Your tot has gotta learn to blow out his mouth before he can effectively do it out his nose. Start by blowing bubbles. Have fun and offer lots of praise. Once he’s got the mouth blowing down, move to the nose. Hold a tissue by his nose and let him work on making the tissue move by blowing out his nose. Plugging a nostril can make it easier as well.
• monkey see Show him how it’s done. Gotta blow a big one? Make sure your tot catches all the details of proper snout evacuation! And make a big deal about it, well make a big deal about it in the comfort of your home. No need to look like the crazy mama at the grocery store. But [when appropriate] show him how great blowing your nose is. Imitation, used for the things your tot is suppose to do and doesn’t embarrass you, is fabulous!
• easy does it As you teach proper sneezer blowing outer, remind your tot that he only needs to blow hard enough to get the boogies out…no brain matter
is necessary. But seriously, blowing too hard can push mucus into his inner ears and sinuses leading to more congestion and possible infection. Remind him to blow gently.
the nose and sinuses produce between a pint and a quart of mucus and secretions a day
Georges de Mestral…what a guy…a real smarty pants. Know who he is? This Swiss engineer’s 1941 invention has changed footwear for kiddos to the delight of parents, teachers and daycare providers everywhere. Mr. de Mestral is the creator of VELCRO! Easy, quick and a kiddo “I can do” dream. Only problem is there comes a time in every individual’s life [usually the time between early elementary school and roughly retirement age] when Velcro shoes just aren’t cool. So, thank you Mr. de Mestral, but our preschoolers gotta learn to tie those laces.
Around 4 to 5-years-old, preschoolers gain the fine motor skills, coordination and the ability to follow multiple step directions, all of which are needed to tie their now shoes. Now let’s not sugarcoat anything here. Teaching shoe tying can be…well…painful for all parties involved. Here are a couple tips to get those laces snug:
• technique choices The “bunny ear” method is the easiest to teach kiddos and then there is the standard method. Both start the same way: hold the two laces [one in each hand], place one under the other, and pull tight. For the bunny lovers, you then make a loop in each lace [get it…bunny ears], cross the laces and push one “ear” through the hole created by crossing the laces and pull tight on each bunny ear. For the standard method, make a loop with one lace, circle the loop with the other lace and pull it through the hole created by the circling. Pull tight on both loops and you’re done. Either way, use the method that works best for your preschooler and be patient.
• two colors better than one If your preschooler is really having a hard time knowing which lace should go where, checkout www.tyingisasnap.com. They offer bi-colored laces which aid in reducing lace confusion. They are also stiffer and smaller benefiting new learners’ little hands.
• keep at it Yeah, don’t think the day before kindergarten starts that you are going to initiate a crash course in shoe tying and your preschooler is going to pass with flying colors. It’s going to take some time and lots of practice. So, let him try and try some more and, with all your might, don’t jump in and tie his shoes for him all the time.
in a recent study of kiddos ages two to five, 19% could operate a smartphone application, but only 9% could tie their shoes
Growing up can be just plain confusing. First there is this whole English language where words can have different meanings based on the sentence they are in, not to mention letters like ‘c’ that can sound like a ‘k’ one time and an ‘s’ the next. And then there are “secrets.” Good thing we mama’s are here for phonics training and to explain good secrets from bad.
A secret is defined as something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others. Sounds harmless, but only if it’s a “good” secret. Here are tips to help you explain to your big kid how to know when to tell and when loose lips sink ships:
• surprise! A good secret is like a surprise. It feels good to know, but there is a time when the secret “runs out” or it has a time limit. Give him examples like a gift for Christmas or a surprise birthday party. No one is hurt by a good secret, there are no bad feelings and eventually it isn’t a secret anymore.
• tell a don’t tell Explain to your big kid there is nothing he can’t tell you. If he is asked to keep a secret that makes him have bad feelings [afraid, unhappy, scared, nervous, worried] or feel like there are butterflies in his tummy, he has to tell you even if he said before he won’t tell. A secret that can hurt someone or himself, is a secret that shouldn’t be kept. Someone being bullied or hurt, stealing, or someone touching him in a way that makes him feel unsafe or just plain yucky is a bad secret. And if anyone threatens him if he tells a secret, he needs to tell a trusted adult right now!
• no trouble Make it clear to your big kid that if he tells you a secret [good or bad], he isn’t going to get in trouble. If anything makes your big kid sad or
feel uncomfortable, he needs to know he doesn’t have to keep secrets from his mama.
If you’re looking for a book to help you out, consider Do You Have A Secret? by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos. The book covers good and bad secrets, how to tell the difference, and the importance of telling the secret if it makes them feel bad.
more than 90% of juvenile sexual abuse victims know their abuser in some way
Tweeting, posting, texting, emailing…communicating, well sort of. For our techy tweeners they can “talk” to hundreds of people all while being completely alone. Am I blowing your mind? Well, regardless of these new fandangled forms of communicating, don’t discount the value of teaching good ol’ fashion person to person, in person talking.
you talkin’ to me
Technology isn’t going anywhere, but that’s not an
excuse to let your tweener become a hermit that is completely uncomfortable with human contact. Here are some dos and don’ts to help your tweener master the art of conversation:
• do listen Conversation is more about listening than it is actually talking. Really listen to what the other person is saying and be genuinely interested in what they are saying. Maintain eye contact and add the occasional “hmm,” “uh-ah” and head nod at appropriate times.
• don’t interrupt Wait your turn. Teach your tweener that interrupting someone in midsentence is just rude. Also, changing subjects within a conversation is also inappropriate.
• do think Teach your tweener the importance of thinking before speaking. Most foot-in-mouth moments could be prevented with a couple seconds of think time.
• don’t focus on one When speaking with a group of people, teach your tweener not to focus on just one person in the group. Now this means more than just physically looking at one person. Inside jokes or conversation topics and excluding some people in the group aren’t good either.
• do elaborate When in a conversation, one word answers aren’t going to cut it. Offering details keep the conversation going.
Another great way to promote conversation skills in your tweener…TALK to him! Like everything, practice makes perfect, but you don’t have to say, “hey son, let’s have a practice conversation!” You just need to ask some open ended questions at times when you have their attention such as in the car or at the dinner table. And while you have their attention, make sure they have all of yours too!
conversation is more than just words with research showing 55% of it involves body language
Your teen…in love. Now don’t scoff! This is real love, not just some teen crush, mama! Real love… for a while anyway. Your teen is going to learn exactly what Neil Sedaka meant in his 1962 number one hit… breaking up is hard to do!
Throughout life your teen is going to learn that sometimes you’re the one calling the shots and sometimes you’re the bug hitting the windshield! Every relationship your teen [and all of us for that matter] is a part of should be based on respect. So, when young love doesn’t work out and your teen is ready to cut ties, help him do it respectfully with these key points:
• 1st to know When you’re the dumper make sure the dumpee is the first to know about this relationship status change. Let your teen know it is not cool to tell everyone else you are breaking up with Sara before Sara is told! Not cool.
• tell it! Don’t post it, tweet it, text it or email it. Actually speak to the person you are breaking-up with and tell them what’s going on. I know this could be a new concept for your teen, but it’s a mature one. Not doing the breakup in person is disrespectful.
• stick to your guns It’s pretty safe to assume that no breakup is fun. Emotions can run high, but it’s important to remember there is a reason for the breakup. Let your teen know he needs to keep his intentions clear even if the one he is breaking up
with gets emotional. Crying, arguing, and bargaining are things he may encounter. Stay calm, don’t drag things out, and be respectful.
Since he was just a tot, we have preached, treat others as you would like to be treated. This is true even in breaking up because next time your teen could be on the other end of the breaking up.
in one survey, 30% of 13 to 17-year-olds said they’ve either broken up with someone or been dumped via text message
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She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.
Practice makes perfect. How many times have you heard it and better yet how many times have you said it? I have been using this phrase with my kids for years. It started when they were learning the ABCs and how to make their beds. And it continues when discussing math, shooting pucks and hitting volleyballs. I really believe this theory works for them but I am starting to wonder how effective this “practice” is for me? Here’s why. If you do the math I have been a mom and wife for 20 years. I can’t help but think I should be better at this by now. Right?
I know I have this conversation with myself once a year. And guess what—it’s time! The turkey is eaten, the holiday decorations are up and the New Year is
right around the corner. It is the time of year where mothers sit down and reflect on the good, the bad, the Sally. We take time to look at all we have [or have not!] accomplished. The cleanliness of our houses, closets and silverware drawer along with our work and of course our weight are all in the mix. But it seems to always lead back to the family. How are we doing as a mother, wife and daughter? Then it comes—the judgment. It doesn’t come from others but from us. We start to worry about how we are actually doing as a mother. We try to pinpoint the time when our supermom cape fell off. We keep practicing, but perfection seems out of reach.
When I was a younger mother I was great at this “practice.” I would follow rules. You know the really hard ones like getting them to bed on time, making sure
their rooms and cloths were clean and taking the time to teach them how to do things by themselves. I even reasoned with them when they were angry, upset or needed to complete a task. Well years of practice have turned me into someone that: considers kids sleeping if they are simply in their room; closes the bedroom door instead of cleaning it; buys more socks so there are always some that are clean; and completes tasks herself because frankly it’s faster. And here’s the real kicker, in certain situations I have turned to bribery over reasoning.
When I reflect on the past year these types of examples are everywhere. If you are a stay-at-home mom, working mom or work-from-home mom, basically if mom is anywhere in your title you know how I feel. Each day we juggle and at the end of the day we worry and wonder what we could have done better. Here is what I have decided…sometimes good enough is prefect!
Good enough mothers are real mothers. They’re human and make mistakes, but they learn from them. They love their kids, but not always their behavior. They lose it sometimes, but realize that’s ok. It’s time to recognize
that perfection is a myth. It seems like so much of women’s worries are about not feeling good enough. If you forget about being a supermom you can focus on what is best for you and your children.
My kids know I am not perfect. They can tell by their missed dentist appointments, empty fridge and take out dinner. They also know that I am not that worried about it. Not everything goes as planned. But that doesn’t mean I failed. I believe in course correcting when things start to unravel [actually, course correcting might be the one thing that I do almost perfectly!]. And I know if my kids learn this course correcting skill it will come in handy later in life.
I guess what I am saying is perfection doesn’t exist in the mother world. So as you reflect on last year, don’t worry about things you could have done better. Learn and move on. Time to realize that supermom capes are overrated. And when you look forward to the upcoming year embrace your “good enough.” Take the pressure off and make some “good enough” New Year’s resolutions. Who knows you might even stick to them. Wouldn’t that be PERFECT!
photo: rialee photography | ria czichotzki
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