Sometimes kids require a little extra care. That’s why Innovis Health has partnered with The Children’s Heart Clinic to bring cardiology services to the children of our region. Pediatric cardiologists from The Children’s Heart Clinic are available for appointments every Wednesday at Innovis Health, because we’re dedicated to taking care of those that you hold closest to your heart.
It’s just one more reason life’s better here.
Innovis Health
3000 32nd Ave S Fargo, ND 58103 701-364-8900 • 800-437-4054
www.innovishealth.com
Rodrigo Rios, MD FACC, FAAP
David Gremmels, MD
David Burton, MD
Charles Baker, MD FACC, FAAP
You value your time. So do we.
M State makes it possible to complete your education online when it’s convenient for you. Feed the kids, fold the clothes, take the dog for a walk and then slip into your cozy slippers and pull up a chair. Your education is at your ngertips in your own home, at your own pace, on your own time.
Learn more at www.MyMStateOnline.com.
www.onthemindsofmoms.com
PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC
EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge
COPY EDITOR Deb Uglem
ADVERTISING Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe phone: 701.306.1624
e-mail: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com
PHOTOGRAPHY Ria Czichotzki – Rialee Photography Scott Thuen – Thuen Design
DESIGN AND LAYOUT Scott Thuen – Thuen Design
AD DESIGN Lindsay Arneson Casie Beldo Scott Thuen
EDITORIAL CONTACT e-mail: info@onthemindsofmoms.com
INFORMATION mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107
ADVERTISING OPPORTUNITIES phone: 701.306.1624
e-mail: advertise@onthemindsofmoms.com
SUBSCRIPTION e-mail: info@onthemindsofmoms.com or visit: www.onthemindsofmoms.com
COVER PHOTO BY Rialee Photography www.rialeephotography.com
Wow…what a first year for OTMOM! It’s hard to believe sixteen months ago we were master minding our thoughts, ideas, hopes and dreams over endless pots of coffee. Two average gals with the mom title knowing what we liked and exactly what we wanted. Our vision to offer a feel-good, real-life, modern publication any mom would get a kick out of reading, quickly became a reality and a third child for us both.
OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT
On The Minds Of Moms is dedicated to providing a community of local support and real-life advice for the modern day mom who is on the go and needs to know. We are inspired to help the woman behind “the mom” balance it all by offering support, validation and reassurance she is a good mom wanting only the best for herself and family.
On The Minds Of Moms is a quarterly magazine written by, for and about local moms in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area. On The Minds Of Moms strives to achieve a balance between useful information and entertaining content. Written to serve as the local reading alternative to family magazines that are produced for a larger regional/ national audience.
On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.
Little did we know the start of this journey would give us so many lasting impressions. New friends, new perspectives and a new sense of accomplishment continue to fill our days. Of course, OTMOM would be nothing without our peeps…advertisers, writers, ad designers and all the moms and dads who have graced the pages of OTMOM. Truth be told though, it’s our behind the scene super-heroes, Scott and Ria who help us bring this crazy idea to life each quarter. Thanks a million.
And finally, we dedicate this issue to our girls, Seely, Shya, Nora and Grace. You are the inspiration for this leap of faith and we hope one day you will be as proud of us as we are for being your moms.
Cheers!
dani & sheri founders & inspired moms
melissa uetz
writer | fargo
Born and raised in Fargo, Melissa enjoys having a full house. She shares her home with her wonderful husband Erik, their two-year-old son Harris, three cats, a dog, and several dust bunnies. Melissa is returning to the classroom this fall as an autism spectrum disorder teacher for the West Fargo School District, but will continue doing dishes and kissing owies on the side.
writer | fargo
A Fargo native, Melissa is the originator of McCulley Optix Gallery. Her love for travel has taken her to Chimbote, Peru and Santa Ana, Costa Rica where she has provided eye-care and eyewear to needy populations. She looks forward to continuing these missions abroad and developing programs for the local area. Melissa and husband, Rial, celebrated their one year anniversary this past summer.
writer | dilworth
Patricia sharpened her writing skills while sending e-mail travelogues back to her family and friends while living abroad. She wrote about sleeping in a sheep shearing barn in Australia and gaining 30 pounds eating cheese every night in France. Now, she spends her time writing about all the crazy things people do and say in the FM area. In her spare time, Patricia owns and operates Life Done Right Professional Concierge Service
brooke erstad
writer | fargo
Co-founder of Apex Physical Therapy and Wellness Center in West Fargo, Brooke has her doctorate in Physical Therapy and advanced training in Women’s Health. She has a strong passion for working with women and provides customized treatment plans based on each patients needs. Brooke enjoys running, judging gymnastics, scrapbooking, and when the snow thaws watching husband Bryan’s baseball & softball games.
writer | west fargo
—Anonymous
Founder of the ND Autism Center [NDAC] in Fargo, Sandy is active in statewide autism advocacy groups and is passionate about creating awareness for children with autism. Aside from her volunteer work she is employed full time at Microsoft in Fargo. Sandy and husband, Gene are parents of two grown daughters, Darcy and Sarah, who both work at the NDAC and their sevenyear-old son Tyler.
“Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.”
Holy smokes, time flies. Life is crazy busy. Luckily, kids are unfazed by our [sometimes] fanatical schedules. They roll with the punches. They feel the joy in life’s journey. They’re content, happy little buggers. I’m learning, from my kids, how important these traits are. They’re always important, but especially now as I prepare for a health snag this fall.
I have two brain aneurysms. Five years ago, they repaired the larger one by filling it with tiny platinum coils. We were told then, there was a 10% chance the coils would compress and further treatment would be needed, but that typically occurs within the first couple of years. After a routine angio-gram in June, five years post-surgery, I found out I was in that lucky 10%. I should play the lottery!
I’ll need a craniotomy [ish, I hate even saying it]. It is not an emergency. We opted to wait until September,
when the kids are back in school with more scheduled and routine days, surrounded by the love and prayers of their classmates and teachers. I can’t bear to take their carefree summer away from them. So, we roll…
I have lived so fully these last five years, running a handful of marathons and gobs of other road races, participating in a triathlon, and having another baby. I am sad and shocked. Hopeful and grateful. Scared and weepy. And…trying to roll with the punches.
Truth be told, rolling with the punches is hard for adults. And, I’m a big baby. A cry baby. It’s true. I’m easily moved to tears. Star Spangled Banner. Sniff. Church choir [especially the male choir]. Snivel. Watching my son play baseball. Sob. Watching someone else’s son connect with the ball, turn to his mom, before running, to celebrate with a tooth-gaping grin. Snort. Hearing our eight-year-old daughter, Quinn,
exclaim that she “feels like a million bucks,” after finally being invited to play with the girls down the street. Blubber.
I’ve been told that crying is a gift… I’m really gifted. On the flip side, I like to laugh, too, especially at myself, which fortunately happens routinely, to balance the tears. I had to laugh at myself, last week, as I replayed our morning, rushing off to my son’s baseball game. Any parent knows, just preparing to leave the house is a task in itself. After changing the baby’s overnight, soggy diaper and wrestling her [literally] into a cute, girly, non-baseball-game-wearing sundress, throwing all three kids in the car, and gingerly speeding through construction, careful not to bump any of the unsuspecting, friendly, sign-holding workers off the road, while rushing from point A to B, I was sweating. Here’s the funny part…I forgot the baby hadn’t eaten breakfast. Not a problem. I have an entire row of Ritz Crackers in my diaper bag, for such emergencies. They weren’t just any crackers: they were multi-grain. I felt [somewhat] better. Mind you, both Quinn and Patrick got warm breakfasts with a protein, a multi-grain and a fruit, when they were Harper’s age. There she sat, with her beautiful sundress draped over the earth, eating her multi-grain breakfast: dirt and Ritz crackers. For just a moment, I felt bad for her, but then I giggled. She’s so fine. She was rolling with the punches and enjoying the game.
In this world of rushing and dashing, a little part of me thinks, “rats, there’s so much time before my surgery.” Time to think. Time to cry. Time to plan. Time to consult. Time to sob. Time to re-think. Time to digest. Time to wring my hands. Time to fret.
Our kids are older. They were babies, five years ago. Things will be much different for them this time. They’ll understand the seriousness of this surgery. They’ll see the scar and remember my shaved head. They’ll ask questions that I know I’ll have to answer. My recovery will be much longer and tougher, for all of us.
I’m not brave. I’m scared. But, I can’t sit and wait to feel brave. The only way to develop courage is to act brave, until I feel brave.
So, with my [pretend] brave face, I watch my babies, and I think, “Alleluia! I have time!” Time to pray. Time to go on long bike rides and picnics with the kids. Time to blare funky music and dance, as a family, in our living room [we’ve got quite the moves]. Time to cuddle. Time to thank God for time to spend with our families. Time to dream BIG. Time for “I love you’s.” Time to tell Drew how lucky I feel that he chose me. Time to map out our crazy, busy future. And, time to write this article to tell my kids how precious they are, and how complete and important they make me feel, and how neat and complex I think each one of them are.
So, whether you’re preparing for a baseball game or a craniotomy, roll with the punches and find the joy in life’s journey.
Kathleen Wrigley is a Philadelphia native, wife to Drew, and mother of three, Quinn, Patrick and Harper, Kathleen is a full-time stay-athome mom who dutifully volunteers. She serves on several community boards & committees, is active in her church, kids’ school, and politics, and runs to sustain her own mental health! Before children, she was Director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a former speech writer.
To read Kathleen’s story from the OTMOM Fall 2008 issue, visit www.onthemindsofmoms.com and go to Past Issues.
deb uglem age 38
moorhead
stay-at-home mom
married mom of 15 and 14 year old twin sons and 12 year old daughter
the last book I read that had the most lasting impression…
Age Is Just A Number by Dara Torres. Dara launched one of the biggest comebacks in sports when she trained and competed in the Beijing Olympics at the age of 41. Her story makes me believe anything is possible.
i believe friendships for moms are important because…
There is nothing better than adult conversion. Sharing your ideas and dreams with people make them real. I find it refreshing bouncing my thoughts off someone who is removed from the situation.
the last three dinners I made for my kids…
I couldn’t survive without my crock pot. My family loves and eats anything I make. It is amazing how gourmet I feel when there are no leftovers! For the record…Spaghetti, Quesadillas and Chicken Casserole.
I couldn’t survive without my crock pot
my favorite escape from the daily grind…
I enjoy a good run to clear my mind. I also enjoy a nice dinner and a glass of wine.
i believe what makes a good mom is…
Making time to be involved with your kids’ lives and taking care of yourself. If you are content your children feel it and if you are not content they feel that too.
the funniest thing my kids have ever said…
If I was asked this question years ago I could fill a couple pages. Now as my kids get older the funny comments or strange questions have turned to good conversation about their day.
i rely heavily on…
My entire family. My parents, sister, brothers and inlaws. I consider them my closest and dearest friends.
When I need something there are several people I can call. I am very lucky that way.
my husband and I make a great team because we…
Understand each other. Tim knows when I need help or encouragement. In our 17 years of marriage we have grown to count on each other and it takes a team to raise four busy kids.
something I am proud of myself for doing…
Maintaining my sense of self. I have worked fulltime and have stayed home with my kids over the last 17 years. The one constant is finding ways to better myself. Along with other interests I have trained in 4 marathons, 4 half-marathons and a triathlon. I am proud that my kids see I have goals inside and outside the house and that I work hard to achieve them.
My
Does any of this sound familiar; and don’t worry, no one knows you’re reading this:
• I leak urine when I laugh, cough or lift up my child.
• I go to the bathroom before leaving the house, in case I can’t find a bathroom where I’m going.
• I go to the bathroom about every hour.
• I just can’t seem to get to the bathroom fast enough sometimes.
If you are internally shaking your head YES to any of the above statements, you may be suffering from incontinence and it isn’t something you have to live with. Physical Therapy is a natural treatment that is strongly supported by research as helping with these complaints as well as many other issues associated with incontinence.
The label of “incontinence” brings a negative connotation to mind, but incontinence is simply the involuntary leakage of urine. There are many different symptoms and several different types of incontinence that afflict 1 in 4 women over the age of 18. Often it occurs simply from a weakening of the pelvic floor muscles, which act as a sling for all of your abdominal organs such as your bladder, uterus and intestines. The pelvic floor muscles are also important for structurally supporting your pelvis and core muscles. Normal aging, excessive running or high impact sports, pregnancy, childbirth, chronic constipation or chronic coughing can result in the weakening of these pelvic floor muscles.
Several misconceptions exist about the treatment of incontinence. One is that surgery, medications or adult diapers are the only treatment options. Another is that leaking is a natural part of aging and having children. Yet another is that one is suffering with this
story by | brooke erstad, pt, dpt
condition alone. Often women do not even tell their doctor about incontinence issues until they have dealt with the problem for years. So, before you get your frequent Depends® buyer card or just simply grin and bear your lot in life to deal with this leakage for eternity, there is help.
The same way Physical Therapy helps strengthen a sprained ankle or surgically repaired knee, it rehabilitates your pelvic floor by strengthening and re-educating your muscles to offer support to your bones, ligaments, fascia and abdominal organs. It’s important to find a qualified physical therapist to properly instruct and progress you through your pelvic floor strengthening. There are a variety of treatment methods to help you avoid having to change your lifestyle because of incontinence. Because of varying symptoms and severity of those symptoms, treatment options can include education techniques as well as manual therapy, biofeedback, electric stimulation or vaginal weights. Know that the treatment is far less embarrassing then living with the worry of incontinence occurring during the next joke told or workout at the gym. Many patients experience improvement in just a few weeks and the best part is that it will last for years. You don’t have to just live with incontinence so find treatment and start living.
Brooke Erstad, PT, DPT and Apex Physical Therapy & Wellness Center are proud to offer their Women’s Health & Pelvic Rehabilitation Program to all men, women, and children with issues relating to the pelvic floor. Brooke has a passion for working with women. Her advanced training in Women’s Health Physical Therapy and expertise in a variety of Incontinence treatment methods allows her to provide a customized treatment plan based on each patients needs. Most insurances will cover treatment, so call Brooke to talk privately about your condition or to set up your free 15 minute consultation to find out if physical therapy is right for your condition.
550 13th Ave E, West Fargo
701.373.0899
brooke@apexptwellness.com
www.apexptwellness.com
Seeing your child struggle in the classroom is heartbreaking. As a parent you want to make sure any diagnosis is correct and you have provided your child every opportunity to conquer their struggles. It is important to know that how your child’s eyes function is just as important as how far they can see. Vision Therapy is an option that should not be overlooked.
Think of Vision Therapy [VT] like physical therapy for your vision system, which includes the eyes and the parts of the brain that control vision. VT goes way beyond just checking for 20/20 vision. This nonsurgical treatment is highly effective for many common visual problems that are often misdiagnosed as
reading and learning disabilities, ADD, ADHD and dyslexia. While glasses and contact lens help compensate for vision problems and eye surgeries alter the anatomy of the eye, VT teaches the brain how to use the eyes effectively to gather information, understand it quickly and react to it appropriately.
Children as young as 5 years old can benefit from VT. Physical signs of an eye turn, frequent headaches, poor hand-eye coordination, double vision and avoidance of close work or other visually demanding tasks are clues that an eye problem exists. Other symptoms that are not as obvious can include being a slow reader, having difficulty with comprehension, skipping words when reading, getting headaches when reading, or reversing letters and/or numbers when reading or copying from the board in the classroom.
Sometimes delays in gross motor skills such as riding a bicycle without training wheels, skipping or hopping also improve with VT.
The first step to determine if your child is a good candidate for VT is completion of a Symptoms Checklist form followed by an in-office initial evaluation. The type of symptoms and severity of the complaints, determine if your child can benefit from VT.
Typical VT programs consist of about 9 months of therapy and include in-office and at-home eye exercises designed to train the eyes to become more efficient in their movements and focusing abilities. The program includes the use of special lenses, prisms or filters, in association with procedures designed to enhance the brain’s ability to control eye alignment, eye movements, focusing ability and eye teamwork. High levels of visual-motor efficiency and endurance are developed during carefully monitored therapy sessions. Patients experience improvements in accommodation [near focusing], convergence [eyes
When it comes to your child’s education, question everything: academic offerings, house sizes, student-teacher ratios, standardized test results…. For all the facts about Fargo Public Schools, all you have to do is ask. Fargo Public Schools - providing choices and the smallest learning communities.
focusing up close together] and motility [eyes moving smoothly together]. The benefits of VT are lasting. Accurate focusing and the use of both eyes together efficiently becomes a reflex. Using the newly learned visual skills on a daily basis will reinforce the positive effects of VT.
Dr. McCulley provides a premier eye care and optical center at McCulley Optix Gallery. Offering a full range of services from comprehensive eye exams to pediatric eye exams to treatment of eye disease and emergencies, she is also one of the few clinics in Fargo to offer Vision Therapy. Combining the latest technology along with unique and stylish frames allows Dr. McCulley to provide your whole family with the care you deserve.
photography by | rialee photography
age 41
fargo
chiropractic physician
married dad of 14, 10 and 1 year old sons and 12 year old daughter
people might be surprised to know I...
Was quiet, shy and at times painfully self conscience the first 20 or so years of my life. Those that knew me then would likely be surprised at how much more outgoing I have become.
i love my profession because...
Like most healthcare professionals, the personal satisfaction of helping people each day is what drives me. I meet so many wonderful people each day and being able to help them out of pain and teach them how to avoid re-aggravating their injury or condition is very rewarding. I rarely consider what I do a job; it is part of who I am and I enjoy going to work each day.
I have a hard time believing that Ward Cleaver’s approach is a true example of what fatherhood was like
one of the first things about my wife that I fell in love with was...
What’s not to love...beautiful, smart, funny…she is so alive and energetic in everything she does in her life. I can’t even remember all the times where we have been in a social gathering [family, friends, colleagues, strangers, you name it, it doesn’t matter] and things have started to lull, become awkward or even uncomfortable and the next thing you know she has the entire room fully engaged in some conversation or activity saving the day.
the most challenging thing about having four kids is...
Without question time management. Balancing my time between seeing patients, running the business aspect of my office, and meeting the individual needs of Kari and each of the kids is at times nearly impossible. I always feel like I’m short changing someone.
the most completely perfect day I could imagine would consist of...
This question is written like the back cover of a romance novel. You are not going to trick me into giving some sappy, dreamy Harlequin answer. Nope, I’m not going to do it. But, here is a great day in my book: a Sunday afternoon at our house with my family including my parents, my brothers and all forms of in-laws, nieces and nephews. All are wearing purple. Great food is on hand—picture chips, chile con queso and grilled bratwursts rolled in lefse. Vikings win. Packers lose. The End. I’m getting a joyous tear in my eye just thinking about it.
the TV show I can’t miss...
Well, let’s say I miss a lot of TV these days. I try to catch the Twins games if possible and I record “Meet the Press” to watch later when I get a chance.
My first reaction is, “what’s a date night? This term seems foreign but feels oddly familiar too.” I conferred with Kari and she also had a sense that date night should be proverbial, but its meaning may have been lost over time under sedimentary layers of various basketball, volleyball and baseball games/practices, band and choir concerts and typical childhood illnesses. Dusting off ancient tombs to research our past we found references to locations where quiet uninterrupted dinners for two were traditional.
Was goofy and funny.
That has to define just about any dad in 2009 doesn’t it? Watching old reruns of “Leave it to Beaver” I have a hard time believing that Ward Cleaver’s approach is a true example of what fatherhood was like in the 1950’s, but if it was, we are all rad dads now.
I have been brewing beer at home for 10 years and love the whole process from choosing the type and quantity of malted grains, hops and yeast, to the chemistry behind the mashing process, and hop extraction of the boil. “Quality not Quantity” is the motto of our brewery. As an added benefit if you make beer and give it away for free you are never short of friends.
11
Fargo Swings
701.306.9681
www.fargoswings.com
Date Night? How about kicking up your heels with your honey? Every Tuesday night at the Avalon from 8:30pm–9:30pm. Learn East Coast Swing, Lindy Hop, Shim Sham and from 9:30pm–10:30pm cut loose with free dance. Cost: Adults $7, Students $5.
11
Moorhead River Arts
218.299.5296
www.ci.moorhead.mn.us/parks
It all starts at 5:00pm at Davy Memorial Park with free horse drawn carriage rides and activities for the kids as well as a playground, food vendors, a wide array of art, crafts, jewelry & much more. Silverado takes the stage at 6:30pm.
11
Hawaiian Beach Blast
701.433.5360
www.wfparks.org
Dress Hawaiian style and join in a variety of contests and games including the limbo, hula hoop, sponge races and more. Dance to beach party music,
take part in a scavenger hunt and enjoy inflatable games. Hot dogs and beverage will be served while supplies last. 5:30pm–8:00pm Rendezvous Park.
13
Dairy Queen Miracle Trea Day
www.meritcare.com/ healtheducation/classesevents
Not that you need an excuse, but get to the DQ! All proceeds from Blizzard Treats bought today at participating DQ stores will be donated to local Children’s Miracle Network hospitals.
13 & 16
Cass County Summerfest
701.347.4540
www.casselton.com
Get to Casselton for some summer fun!
Don’t miss the Car Cruise, 5K fun run, parade, crafts & music in the park and a water fight for all ages.
14 & 15
Midwest Waterfowl
701.241.1350
www.fargoparks.com
Events include a free youth education seminar on waterfowl, youth duck and Canadian goose calling contests, adult
open duck and Canadian goose calling contests and the North Dakota State Duck call Championships [national qualifier]. Scheels All Sports Parking Lot.
15 & 16
Pioneer Days
701.282.2822
www.bonanzaville.org
Big parade, kid games and more at Bonanzaville. Sat 10:00am–5:00pm; Sun noon–5:00pm.
17
Fargo Rock Concert
701.241.8160
www.fargoparks.com
Get your friends and come out to see the areas up-and-coming musicians. 7:00pm–9:00pm at Dike West.
17
American Gold Fall Registration
701.280.0400
www. americangoldgymnastics.com
Registration starts for the American Gold Gymnastics Fall Session, which runs September 8–October 24. Programs for kids 18 months to 18 years.
17
Movie Night in the Park
701.241.1350
www.fargoparks.com
Come catch a FREE movie under the stars. Starts at dusk in Island Park.
18
Park It
701.241.8160
www.fargoparks.com
Come and spend an afternoon creating fun and exciting art projects. Children will be able to create a variety of art projects to take home. From 1:00pm–4:00pm at Roosevelt Park.
18
Fargo Swings
701.306.9681
www.fargoswings.com
Date Night? How about kicking up your heels with your honey? Every Tuesday night at the Avalon from 8:30pm–9:30pm learn East Coast Swing, Lindy Hop, Shim Sham and from 9:30pm–10:30pm cut loose with free dance. Cost: Adults $7, Students $5.
20
701.433.5360
www.wfparks.org
Enjoy an outdoor movie on the big screen. Bring your blanket or lawn chair. Concessions will be available. This event will be held wind or weather permitting. In case of inclement weather movie will be shown at 7:00pm in the Veterans Memorial Arena.
22
ALS Walk
www.walktodefeatals.org
Join a team, form a team or walk proud on your own. The 3 mile walk to defeat ALS fundraiser is hosted by the MN Chapter who’s mission is to fight for a cure, treat and empower those living with ALS. Monies raised stay local so walk your way to Gooseberry Park in Moorhead. Registration 9:00am–10:00am Walk
Start Time 10:00am. OTMOM will see you there!
www.fargoairsho.com
The Blue Angels and more will be here to wow you at the Hector International Airport. Fun for the whole family.
Tickets: Adults $15 [advance] $20 [gate], Kids 7–11 $5 [advance] $8 [gate] 6 and under FREE.
22 & 23
Dog Days of Summer
701.277.9240
www.redriverzoo.org
Head to the Red River Zoo and learn more about “Man’s Best Friend”.
24
Pediatric First Aid Course
701.364.1704
www.fmambulance.com
This course covers basic first aid of children. Located at Merigen Medical, 3148 Fiechtner Dr. South in Fargo starting at 7:00pm. $35 fee. Register online.
26
Back to School Fargo
701.446.1000
www.fargo.k12.nd.us
Fargo Public Schools’ 2009–2010 year begins.
26
Back to School West Fargo
701.356.2000
www.west-fargo.k12.nd.us
West Fargo Schools’ 2009–2010 year begins.
26
Back to School Oak Grove
701.237.0212
www.oakgrovelutheran.com
Oak Grove Lutheran Schools’ 2009–2010 year begins.
26
Back to School Fargo Catholic Schools Network
701.893.3200
www.fcsn.k12.nd.us
Fargo Catholic Schools’ 2009–2010 year begins.
28 & 29
Barnsville Potato Days
800.525.4901
www.potatodays.com
Lots of fun for the whole family. Parade, games, contests and don’t forget… Mashed Potato Wrestling!
29 & 30
Island Park Craft Show
701.476.6771
www.fargoparks.com
Bring your friends and indulge yourself! Spend a day at Island Park shopping in the shade! Find unique items, enjoy excellent food and listen to great music from 10:00am–5:00pm.
31
Back to School Park Christian
218.236.0500
www.parkchristianschool.org
Park Christian Schools’ 2009-2010 year begins.
3 & 10
Plain Food Farmers Market
www.plainsart.org
At the Museum’s main entrance on 7th, the Market will carry produce, flowers, dairy products, honey, baked goods, arts and crafts from local vendors, all offered in a setting with a friendly, fun street vibe. From 4:00pm–7:00pm.
11 Park It
701.241.8160
www.fargoparks.com
Come and spend an afternoon creating fun and exciting art projects. Kids will be able to create a variety of art projects to take home. From 1:00pm–4:00pm at Trollwood Park.
12
Fall Rummage Sale
701.433.5360
www.wfparks.org
The annual sale at the Veterans Memorial Arena combines 100–130 people selling crafts, antiques, collectibles, closeout & garage sale items. Doors are open 7:00am–2:00pm. Adult admission is $1 and Kids 17 & under FREE.
12
9th Annual Walk of Hope
701.293.6462
www.myfirstlink.org
Part of Suicide Awareness & Prevention
Week, FirstLink is hosting the Hope Walk from 3:00pm–5:00pm at Shelter #4 in Lindenwood Park. With a social/ fundraiser held at Pepper’s American Café between 6:00pm–10:00pm with a raffle drawing at 7:30pm.
dinner and quilt auction
Tuesday, Sept. 22 at Hope Lutheran Church, south campus
3636 25 Street South, Fargo. Proceeds benefit the children in progams at Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch.
Tickets at the door: $7/person $15 for families of 3 or more 3 p.m. Quilt preview 5 p.m. Dinner begins 6:30 p.m. Live Auction
We need QUILTS...
Deadline for donating quilts is September 1.
Quilts can be dropped off at any of our thrift stores or programs. Please mark them “Quilt Auction”; include contact information, and which auction you would like the quilt auctioned at: Fargo, Bismarck (Oct. 13) or Minot (Oct. 20).
Quilts also can be shipped to or dropped at: Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch, Quilt Auction, 300 45 ST. S.W., Suite #311 (Door D), Fargo, ND 58104; or call 701-364-0264 for more info. Thanks for helping!
Check us out at www.dakotaranch.org.
13
Grandparent’s Day at the Zoo
701.277.9240
www.redriverzoo.org
Free admission for all grandparents.
17
Chocolate Fantasy & Chilli too 701.232.3449
www.ywcacassclay.org
Chocolate, chili and a silent auction. Suport the YWCA at the Holiday Inn from 11am–7pm. Contact Nicole at 701.232.2547 for more info on volunteer opportunities or desert donations.
17
Plain Food Farmers Market
www.plainsart.org
At the Museum’s main entrance on 7th, the Market will carry produce, flowers, dairy products, honey, baked goods, arts and crafts from local vendors, all offered in a setting with a friendly, fun street vibe. From 4:00pm–7:00pm.
8
Back to School Moorhead
218.284.3300
www.moorhead.k12.mn.us
Moorhead Public Schools’ 2009-2010 year begins
18
Park It 701.241.8160
www.fargoparks.com
Come and spend an afternoon creating fun and exciting art projects. Kids will be able to create a variety of art projects to take home. From 1:00pm–4:00pm at Roosevelt Park.
19
Parents Fair
www.parentsfairmeritcare.com
Come one, come all! Parents’ Fair welcomes parents, parents-to-be, grandparents, day care providers and anybody in the region who wants to learn the latest on how to raise happy, healthy kids. Over 100 booths & exhibits and discover community resources while participating in free CPR training/validation for day care providers. Fargo Civic Center doors open 8:00am–4:00pm. FREE!
“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.”
—Bill Cosby
19
Harvest Fest
701.282.2822
www.bonanzaville.org
In conjunction with West Fargo’s annual community celebration, West Fest, Bonanzaville is hosting kid’s games and more. Admission is FREE!
19 & 20
Fall Festival
701.241.8160
www.fargoparks.com
Join us for the 12th annual Fall Festival at Rheault Farm for games and Rides. Saturday 10:00am–5:00pm and Sunday 12:00pm–5:00pm. FREE.
19 & 20
West Fest
701.282.4444
www.westfargochamber.com
West Fargo’s biggest festival filled with parade and activites. For more information on schedule of events visit online.
22
Pigs ‘n a Blanket
701.364.0264
www.dakotaranch.org
Dinner and Quilt auction at Hope Lutheran Church South Campus. Proceeds benefit kids programs for the Dakota Boys & Girls Ranch. Quilt preview at 3:00pm, Dinner at 5:00pm & Live Auction at 6:30pm. Tickets at the door $7 each or $15 for families of three or more.
24
www.plainsart.org
At the Museum’s main entrance on 7th, the Market will carry produce, flowers, dairy products, honey, baked goods, arts and crafts from local vendors, all offered in a setting with a friendly, fun street vibe. From 4:00pm–7:00pm.
26 & 27 Fall Festival
701.241.8160
www.fargoparks.com
Join us for the 12th annual Fall Festival at Rheault Farm for games and Rides. Saturday 10:00am–5:00pm and Sunday 12:00pm–5:00pm. FREE.
27
Out of the Darkness
Community Walk
www.outofthedarkness.org
Walk to honor a loved one or to raise awareness at Lindenwood Park. 1:00pm registration and walk begins at 2:00pm. All proceeds benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and its North Dakota Chapter. Go to the website to pre-register, form a team and raise funds.
28
Pediatric First Aid Course
701.364.1704
www.fmambulance.com
This course covers basic first aid of children. Located at Merigen Medical, 3148 Fiechtner Dr. South in Fargo starting at 7:00pm. $35 fee. Register online.
29
Take Back The Night
701.293.7273
www.raccfm.com
Take a stand against domestic violence. Check the website for march start times and locations. Rally at Fargo Civic Center 7:00pm with encore performance of “In Pieces” Rockumentary about domestic abuse. Wear white and bring a flashlight.
All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area it is encouraged organizations submit events for consideration to info@onthemindsofmoms.com
2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
September 20, 2009
Schedule of Events: Saturday, September 19, 2009
1, 8 & 15 Farmers Market & Beyond
701.433.5360
www.wfparks.org
Fresh produce, berries, herbs, flowers, hand-crafted items available
4:00pm–7:00pm at South Elmwood Park in West Fargo.
2 A Visit with Winnie the Pooh
701.241.1495
www.fargolibary.org
What could be better than books and stories about Pooh and his friends? How about meeting him at the end of the program! This storytime event is geared for kids age 6 & under. So be at the new Main Library at 2:00pm.
3
Kid Quest: Roller Derby Printmaking
701.232.3821
www.plainsart.org
With guest artist Lana Suomala inspired by the Museum’s Steam Roller Print event, this Kid Quest will focus on a playful exploration of outlandish printmaking. Enjoy this free event perfect for families.
6
Our Family’s Having A Baby!
701.234.5570
www.meritcare.com
This class is designed for “brothers and sisters to be”, ages 3 to 7 years to aid in adjusting to the addition of a new baby in the family. 7:00pm start and is FREE if you are delivery at MeritCare. Call to register.
9 Free Friday Moview
701.476.4040
www.fargolibary.org
Don’t miss the FREE movie at the Dr. James Carlson Library starting at 1:00pm in the Community Room.
10 Hoppin’ Hoedown
701.241.8160
www.fargoparks.com
Moms, step-moms, grandmas & aunts bring your favorite cowboy to this hoedown party at Roosevelt Elementary, 6:30pm–8:30pm. $5 for moms, $3 for sons [age 4–12]. Tickets on sale Sept. 8th at the Robert D Johnson Rec, 1104 2nd Ave S in Fargo.
14
Fun with Food
701.433.5460
www.westfargolibrary.org
Fun with Food includes stories, takehome projects & a healthy snack. FREE and open to the public. Parents are requested to remain with their children. 10:30am start at the West Fargo Library.
15
Car Seat Safety Check
701.234.5570
www.meritcare.com
Is your car seat installed correctly? Don’t chance it! Make an appointment to check it out at FM Ambulance. 1:30pm–5:30pm.
“Children are a great comfort in your old age. And they help you reach it faster, too.”
—Lionel Kaufman
16
RACC Harvest Moon Fling
701.293.7273
www.raccfm.com
Support the Rape And Abuse Crissis Center with a night of fun at the Courtyard by Marriot in Moorhead from 7:30pm - 11:00pm. Wine Tasting, silent auction, hors d’oveuvres and live entertainment will fill the night. Call or go online for ticket information.
16 & 17
“The Big One” Arts and Crafts
Annual Show
701.838.9385
www.cityoffargo.com
Head to the Civic Center Friday 10:00am–7:00pm and Saturday 9:00am–5:00pm for some arts and craft shopping.
17
Woman’s Showcase
701.241.9100
www.fargodome.com
Women’s Showcase is an exciting daylong event for women of all ages! Lisa Ling, National Geographic Journalist and former co-host of The View will be the keynote speaker. Fargodome 9:00am–5:00pm.
24
Freaky Fright Night
701.241.8160
www.fargoparks.com
Vampires, ghosts and skeletons
welcome! Everyone wear a costume and “monster mash” the night away at the Fargo Youth Commission 6:30pm–9:00pm. $3 fee.
24 & 25 Night Eyes Howloween
701.277.9240
www.redriverzoo.org
Come in costume and enjoy trick-ortreating throughout the zoo along with other spooky activities.
26
Pediatric First Aid Course
701.364.1704
www.fmambulance.com
This course covers basic first aid of children. Located at Merigen Medical, 3148 Fiechtner Dr. South in Fargo starting at 7:00pm. $35 fee. Register online.
31
Happy Halloween!
Trick or Treat and when you’re done raiding the kids candy, remember to turn your clock back before going to bed. Daylight Savings Time ends November 1 at 2:00am.
31 Community Halloween
Carnival
701.237.4805
www.courtsplus.org
Get to Courts Plus Fitness Center on University Drive for this mix of carnival games and inflatables from Games Galore. This is a FREE event 4:00pm–5:30pm.
31 Comstock House Halloween
Treats & Tours
218.291.4211
www.mnhs.org/comstock
Come dressed in your favorite costume and enjoy tours of the house, treats, and refreshments. A spooktacular time for everyone! 5:00pm–8:00pm at the Historic Comstock House .
age 34
fargo pharmaceutical sales married mom of 4 and 1 year old daughters
my three favorite websites I visit regularly… PGAtour.com, my relative golfs on tour and I am also in a fantasy golf league—so I try to keep up with the stats and follow how Bo does each week. Gymboree.com for the adorable kids clothes and foodnetwork.com for dinner and baking ideas.
when I feel overwhelmed with life I… Take my shih tzu, Libby, for a walk and/or write down all the things I have going on. I am very visual and being able to see all my tasks and concerns listed, helps me to prioritize what needs to get done and I feel more in control knowing a plan of action is in place.
one thing I vowed I would never do when I had kids that I find myself doing…
Disciplining in public. It is hard to give your child a time out in a public place but I feel that I need to stay consistent so they know that I expect the same behavior outside of our home that I do inside.
It is hard to give your child a time out in a public place but I feel that I need to stay consistent
as a family we enjoy…
NDSU basketball and football games. My husband is a former player and coach for Bison football and he loves to share his passion for athletics with our kids. Myself, being a UND alumni, have come to appreciate the green and gold, but am still a Fighting Sioux at heart.
my girlfriends would tell you I…
Am always there when they want to chat and will give unconditional support no matter what. Loyalty is a cornerstone in my life. On a lighter note—I always know where the best sales are and I love a good martini!
something every woman/mom should have…
A great fitting, feel fabulous, pair of jeans!
i spend “me time” by doing… Pedicures, reality TV or exercising.
the best local mom place to shop…
I love TJMaxx. I can shop for the entire family, our home, gifts and of course, shoes and handbags!
the last time I laughed so hard I cried was when…
I was catching up with high school girlfriends at a wedding last month in Kansas City. It was so fun to look back at the crazy things we did and how we thought it was such a good decision at the time.
the movie I could watch over and over… Steel Magnolias. This movie has it all—humor, heartbreak, romance and girlfriends. A close second is Pretty Woman.
if I could travel anywhere it would be… Zimbabwe, Africa. One of my good friends moved there about 5 years ago and I would love to go and see the culture, country and all the amazing wildlife they have right outside their door.
my most embarrassing parent moment was when…
My daughter pooped in the pool on a very hot day and everybody had to get out while they “shocked” it. I felt horrible!
The Kamawan Dojo at the YMCA of Cass and Clay Counties
400 1st Ave S, Fargo
wwwymcacassclay org
701-293-9622
Randy Marvel, Headmaster Classes offered: Karate - Ages 5 and up Sword Training - Ages 7 and up Jujutsu & Ninjutsu - Ages 14 and up Mixed Martial Arts - Ages 14 and up
Prices range: $25 00–$85 00 for a five-week session
HiddenTeachingsOkinawanMartialArts
Address: 1216thAveS Moorhead,MN56560 Phone: 701-866-5584Classesoffered: Children’sClass/MondayandThursday 6pm–7pm,BeginnerAdultClass/MondayandThursday 7pm–8pm,AdvancedAdultClass/MondayandThursday 8pm–9pm
Address: 4035 40th Ave SW, Suite B, Fargo Contacts: 701-232-4148
dancestudioelite@hotmail com
Age Range: 3 years–Adult Classes Offered: Competition and Recreational Lines in Lyrical, Musical Theatre, Hip-Hop, Jazz, Tap, Ballet, Pointe, Creative Movement and More
Price Range: $40 and up per month based on number of hours taken per week
Address: Sunset Lanes Bldg, 2nd Floor, Hwy 75 North, Moorhead
Phone: 218-236-0511 or 218-233-4166
Age range and levels of classes: Full range of classes for children
ages 4 and up
Prices: Please call for specific price information - We offer discounts for boys, more than one student per family, and multiple classes per student
Class offerings: Ballet, Pointe, Tap, Jazz
Website: www camriaballet com
E-mail: camriaballet@yahoo com
Pricerange: $55/mo–NocontractsAnythingelseweneedtoknow: YourfirstlessonisFREE!
Onlineat: wwwhiddenteachingscom
Address: 1700 32nd Ave S, Suite 5 Fargo, ND 58104
Class Price Range: $10–$13/class—Monthly Packages starting at $42
Age Range for Class offerings: 2+
Fall Classes Start Date: Monday, August 31st
Offering: Ballet, Tap, Jazz (multiple levels), Tots, Creative Movement, Pointe, Lyrical, Hip Hop, Recreation & Adult classes
E-mail: info@goinspiredance com
Website: http://goinspiredance com
Phone: 701-356-3200
get a KICK out of martial arts and dance get registered for fall classes
Why do we seem to think the grass is always greener on the other side? When I recently crossed the lawn from the corporate world to stay-at-home-mom-ville it seems I’ve discovered the same grass, but different fertilizer.
Before I decided to become a stay-at-home mom, I used to fantasize about how clean my home would be, and how cozy my days would be, when I would not be working outside of the house. What I realize now is I was living in a fantasy world. My mental images of an enthralled two year old cuddled on my lap intently listening while I read Dr. Seuss—well, let’s just say that balloon popped before lunchtime the first day. I used to appreciate the Oriental rug sprawled across my living room for how well it enhanced the décor. Now I’m happy the pattern camouflages the Alpha Bits and Goldfish crackers that inevitably get dropped and stepped on throughout the day. At least the dog can still find the crumbs, so it’s a win-win situation for everyone.
In my previous life, I would tell time by glancing at my computer. Now I can tell you the time of day, within fifteen minutes, by turning on PBS. Who needs an official timepiece when you know Elmo’s World will be on at 9:40 am each day without fail? I’ll groan when my son wakes up at Curious George instead of Sid the Science Kid; if he sleeps until Clifford I know I really got my beauty sleep.
With any “normal” job I’ve ever started, orientation usually included some type of manual with all the basic office policies. Unfortunately, my son did not come with this. If he had, my preference would have been a “choose your own adventure” style book where you could flip ahead to see what each outcome would be before you made the official decision. “To take away the pacifier at six months, turn to page 128.” Oops, you’ve created a serial killer. “To take away the pacifier at twelve months, turn to page 72.” Fabulous! He’s a Harvard graduate and Nobel Prize winner. If only it was that simple.
Office etiquette states a handshake is a proper greeting. During our first trip to the library, my son decided to greet everyone he encountered by petting them like our cat; toddler or grandpa, it didn’t matter. I was mortified. Did anyone even notice, or care, or sense the panic attack that was trying to erupt within me? Probably not. Once we gathered for story time, one little girl knocked the feltboard pieces to the floor, and another child sprinkled the librarian’s materials around the room. Did I notice? Barely. Did those moms have that same why-is-my-child-doingthat-in-public anxiety like I have? I wish I’d had the nerve to ask.
When I woke up in the past, I pretty much knew what my workdays would be like. Now when I wake up in the morning, it’s a mystery. Sure, we follow a schedule and do similar activities each day, but I never know which child I will be doing things with. Will I have the Sweet Prince, whose eyes can melt steel? How about the Screamer, with the fire-engine red face and siren to match? Can I just have someone in the middle, so I can make it through the grocery store without incident?
Being a mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had. The pay and the hours aren’t the best, but the benefits are priceless, so I’m not planning on turning in my resignation any time soon. I can’t anyway. I wouldn’t know who to give it to: the prince, the screamer, the explorer, the angel, the toy car mechanic… What I do know without a doubt is the grass on my lawn is the greenest in town.
blessings photography
memories forever photography
susie b photography
rialee photography
story by | sandy smith
It was April of 2002 when Tyler was born and, like all parents, we paid careful attention to whether or not he was reaching his appropriate developmental milestones. Right on queue during the first year he was smiling, laughing, waving, crawling, walking and saying a few words. Our hopes and dreams for our precious boy seemed to be on track. That was until Tyler was fourteen months old and within a matter of weeks things changed dramatically. He lost his entire language vocabulary, became unresponsive to his name, stopped playing appropriately with toys, preferred to watch Sesame Street videos repeatedly and seemed to have lost some of his hearing. The uneasy feeling that something was not right began to consume me as I watched and compared him to other children his age. Armed with some knowledge of autism, I began digging deeper into the signs and symptoms from the research and as every day went by my concern only deepened.
After five long months of appointments, evaluations, and his pediatrician dismissals of signs of autism, Tyler, then nineteen months old, was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder called Pervasive Developmental Disorder. Our journey to understand autism, finding treatment for Tyler and help support other families of children with autism was just beginning.
Autism is a complex neurobiological disorder that typically appears during the first three years of a child’s life and lasts throughout their lifetime. It is part of a group of disorders known as Autism Spectrum Disorders [ASD] and it affects each individual differently and at varying degrees. The three main forms of ASD are Autism, Pervasive Developmental Disorder and Asperger Syndrome. Autism impairs a person’s ability to communicate and relate to others. It is also associated with rigid routines and repetitive behaviors, such as obsessively arranging objects or following very specific routines.
It’s important to remember that every child with autism is an individual with a unique personality and combination of characteristics. Common signs of ASD include:
social skills
• Does not point or make meaningful gestures
• Does not respond to his or her name
• Has poor eye contact
• Seems not to hear at times
• Lack of interest in peer relationships
• Seems to prefer playing alone — retreats into his or her “own world”
• Does not babble
• Lack of or delay in spoken language
• Loses previously acquired language
• Repeats words or phrases verbatim, but doesn’t understand how to use them
• Performs repetitive movements, such as rocking, spinning or hand-flapping
• Insistence on sameness; resistance to change
• Develops specific routines or rituals
• Lack of spontaneous or make-believe play
• Excessively lines up toys or other objects
• Becomes fascinated by parts of an object, such as the spinning wheels of a toy car
• Tantrums
• May be unusually sensitive to light, sound and touch and yet oblivious to pain
• No real fears of danger
how do you know?
With no real medical tests for diagnosing autism, an in-depth observation of your child’s communication, behavior and developmental levels is the first step. Rely on family, teachers and other caregiver input and developmental history to help guide speculation. Persistence by parents is key to early diagnosis. It is not uncommon for pediatricians to initially dismiss signs of autism, telling parents their child will “catch up,” and may advise parents to take a “wait and see” approach. New research shows that when parents suspect something is wrong with their child, they are usually correct. Follow your instinct…don’t wait. Even if you or your family has not been directly affected by autism, it is part of our local classrooms and community. Educators, parents, and community members can have an impact by supporting autistic children, adults and their families.
now what?
When parents first learn their child is on the autism spectrum, feelings of devastation is very natural and though there is no known cause or cure, autism is treatable. Children do not “outgrow” autism, but studies show that early diagnosis and intervention lead to significantly improved outcomes. Gaining as much information as possible is critical to becoming an effective advocate for your child.
Among the many methods available for treatment of children with autism. Applied Behavior Analysis [ABA] has become widely accepted as an effective treatment. Mental Health: A Report of the Surgeon
General states, “Thirty years of research demonstrated the efficacy of applied behavioral methods in reducing inappropriate behavior and in increasing communication, learning, and appropriate social behavior.”1 The goal of behavioral management is to reinforce desirable behaviors and reduce undesirable ones.2,3 An effective treatment program usually includes behavioral therapy for 25– 40 hours per week that builds on the child’s interests, offers a predictable schedule, teaches tasks as a series of simple steps, actively engages the child’s attention in highly structured activities and provides regular praise and reinforcement of behavior. Children with autism also often benefit from speech, occupational and physical therapy in addition to a behavioral based early intervention program.
1 Department of Health and Human Services. Mental Health: A Report of the Surgeon General. Rockville, MD: Department of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Mental Health Services, National Institute of Mental Health, 1999.
2 Lovaas OI. Behavioral treatment and normal educational and intellectual functioning in young autistic children. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 1987; 55: 3-9.
3 McEachin JJ, Smith T, Lovaas OI. Long-term outcome for children with autism who received early intensive behavioral treatment. American Journal on Mental Retardation, 1993; 97: 359-372.
First, the good news, depending on the severity and with the appropriate intervention your child may be able to live independently, earn a living and take care of their needs. Even those more affected will benefit from appropriate intervention and require less assistance as they reach adulthood. As with many on the spectrum, those with Asperger Syndrome often find the adolescent years to be emotionally difficult in ways they can’t understand. Social relationships may always be minefields, and as such, will continue to be a source of frustration and, for some, despair. As teens grow older, they’ll encounter more challenges romantically, though they may be able to relay their expertise and intellectual abilities into success in the workplace. Nevertheless, with the right mix of therapies and constant support from their friends and families, teens and adults with Asperger Syndrome are able to forge relationships with others on their own terms and carve a place of their own in the world.
Providing individualized treatment for children, adolescents and their parents for over 15 years, Dr. Fleissner specializes in:
“The best way
where is help in my area?
• Infant Development Program [0 to 3 years] or Developmental Disabilities Services [3+ years]
Southeast Human Service Center in Fargo: 701.298.4500
• Clay County Early Intervention Services in Moorhead: 218.284.3800
• The North Dakota Autism Center Inc. : 701.277.8844 or ndautismcenter.org
Currently two programs for children with autism:
AuSome Kids Day Program
· Intensive 1:1 Early Intervention Program
• Support Groups and other resources in FM area: Red River Valley Asperger Network–
www.rrvasperger.org
ND Chapter of the Autism Society of America–www.autismnd.org
• Public School District Special Education [3+ years]
Contact your local school district special education department
• For list of support groups and other resources across ND: ND Chapter of the Autism Society of America–www.autismnd.org
• Minnesota Help Me Grow early intervention program can help locate your local early intervention office or to request a referral: 866.693.4769
• Minnesota Children with Special Health Needs Information and Assistance Line at: 651.201.3650 or 1.800.728.5420
how is Tyler today?
A very healthy, happy seven year old little boy who not only has been receiving 15– 20 hours of behavioral therapy per week since the age of 26 months, but the center of our family’s world. Tyler attends public school in West Fargo and is currently enrolled at the North Dakota Autism Center, Inc. in Fargo after school and during the summer months working with his behavior therapists. Although not at grade level, Tyler can read and is an “AuSome” speller earning a 100% on every weekly spelling test he took during his first grade school year! That’s correct; Tyler will be starting his second grade year this fall.
photography by | rialee photography
Fresh out of college and newlyweds to boot, Heather Novak and husband Seth, shared a desire for success. Through her passion for healthcare and his knowledge of business, the couple joined their efforts in January of 2005 and purchased a pharmacy then called PharmaCare. Today, after 4 years of ownership, Heather and Seth have put hours of TLC into their pharmacy implementing major changes. With a move this past summer into the Orthopaedic Associates building to surround themselves with other healthcare professionals, it only made sense to change the pharmacy’s name to better clarify their focus. InHealth Specialty Pharmacy not only offers a state of the art facility, but has brought back a personal experience to the field of pharmacy that together provide a unique medical offering you will not find anywhere else in the FM area.
what inspired you to go into business for yourself?
North Dakota has a unique law stating that a pharmacist must own 51% of a pharmacy. As the owner and pharmacist-in-charge, I am able to make the decision to focus pharmacy operations on patient care first rather than operational decisions being dictated by headquarters out of state.
what separates InHealth Pharmacy from others and why should people [moms] consider InHealth?
InHealth Specialty Pharmacy is a compounding-only pharmacy. Compounding is preparing a medication or combination of medications into different dosage forms or strengths per the order of a physician. For example, if a child cannot swallow a pill, we could make it into a liquid. Or, if a smaller strength is not available and splitting a tablet into 5 pieces is not practical, we can make the proper strength right from the powdered form of the drug. Having the powdered form of the drug is also beneficial if patients have an allergy to the dyes or fillers used in tablets or capsules. All pharmacists are trained on compounding in school, but not all pharmacies have the specialized equipment necessary to compound much beyond mixing two ointments together. More technical compounds require time to research the chemistry of the drug and ingredients and equip -
ment to ensure an even mixture and a pharmaceutically elegant product free of gritty particles.
We pride ourselves on bringing back a personal experience to the field of pharmacy. We have created a warm atmosphere for our customers and have a separate room where we counsel every patient filling a new prescription. Then we call all patients within a week of receiving a new prescription to answer any questions they may have and to note how they are responding.
Seeing a need in our community for a location where pregnant women and new mothers can purchase breastpumps and lactation accessories in a welcoming environment from knowledgeable staff, we decided to carry a full line of Medela products and other lactation accessories. We have model pumps that women can look at to see their preference and we offer guaranteed lowest prices so women can keep their business local rather than internet shopping.
Sara [InHealth’s other pharmacist] and I have one-on-one meetings with women to discuss their peri-menopause/menopause symptoms and their hormone levels and consult with their physicians about treatment options, including bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. We are also very accessible to women to follow-up on their symptoms and dosage changes if necessary.
do you think you have had to make any professional sacrifices when you became a mom?
Pharmacy law states that a pharmacist must be present for the pharmacy to be open. That makes leaving work when daycare calls about a sick child difficult. My goal with ownership was to grow the pharmacy to where I can have additional staff present to allow me to have flexibility. By achieving that, I sacrifice being always present and in touch with our patients; fortunately, my incredible staff does a wonderful job of making follow-up phone calls and documenting the progress so that I can keep informed.
We work closely with and admire personally and professionally the lactation departments at Innovis and Meritcare. Breastfeeding can be very intimidating and stressful so having the support of the nurses and other breastfeeding moms at the Tender Transition groups can be the motivation to continue.
Spending time with my daughter and husband and our two Bernese Mountain dogs. I also enjoy running, hitting the ski slopes and relaxing at the lake.
is there one thing you know now that you wish you had known when you first opened your business?
I was fresh out of pharmacy school [about 7 months] when we purchased the pharmacy. I had to learn the specialty of compounding while still perfecting the skills of being a pharmacist. We speak to the public about our pharmacy and we have close relationships and frequent conversations with the local doctors. So, I wish I had had the confidence then that I do now.
how do you know you were meant to be a business owner?
With my husband already owning a business the question of owning our own pharmacy came often. I always answered “No” without hesitation. But once out working in the field, I realized that I wanted to be able to focus on what I was trained to-do; to care for my patients to the best of my ability. This lead me to slow down and think whether I wanted to continue to work in a high pressure, high volume retail
pharmacy or go into business for myself. So, when the opportunity came for us to purchase a specialty practice where I could also use more of my math and science background we went for it. As far as being meant to be a business owner, I am still trying to figure that out! For me, I feel like I am one member of a great staff!
what is the one quality you have that makes you a great pharmacist?
Math has always been a strong suit for me. As a compounding pharmacist I formulate preparations requiring complex calculations. Also, I have always been a talker! So, working where I am legally bound to talk with, “counsel,” each new patient about their condition and treatment is perfect!
what is the best advice you have gotten as a mom?
Letting her fall asleep on her own [now that she is two and a half years old] even when she tries to guilt us by crying.
do you have any advice for budding mompreneurs?
I think all working moms have a certain amount of guilt about missing their kids while at work and mompreneurs also feel torn to be at work when we are at home. I guess that isn’t advice just support that you are not alone.
is there anything else we should know about you?
I completed the 2009 Fargo Marathon!
Heather Novak RPh, PharmD
InHealth Specialty Pharmacy
2345 25th St. S., Fargo phone: 701.365.6050 email: heather@inhealthrx.net www.inhealthcompounding.com
1 cup of corn pops
15 carrot chips
1 cheese stick and 4 slices of shaved ham
½ cup of cheddar goldfish crackers
2/3 cups mini flavored marshmallows
3 oz. teriyaki jerky pieces
1 cup fruit loops
½ cup raisins
2 cups healthy choice popcorn
100–Calorie [or less] Smart Snack Packs for the kids who are on the go and the parents who need to know
7 flipside pretzel crackers
1 small orange
13 stauffers animal crackers
photograph by | scott thuenBridget Cullen is everything you’d think the wife of a professional athlete would NOT be. Sure, she’s personable, fit and pretty with thick blond hair and friendly eyes. Yes, she has two homes. One in Raleigh, North Carolina where she, Matt and their two young sons live when he’s playing hockey with the National Hockey League’s Carolina Hurricanes; another in the Fargo area where Bridget and Matt both grew up. And of course, she can afford many finer things in life.
But if you ask anyone who knows her, the perks of being a professional athlete’s wife have not changed Bridget one bit. She’s polite and gracious, offering me a cup of freshly-brewed coffee the minute I walk in her door. She’s modest, deflecting questions with a “who me?” expression and then joking that Matt is the real star of the family. And she’s strikingly ambitious and intelligent, serving as Executive Director of the Cullen Children’s Foundation, a non-profit that provides funding to children’s healthcare organizations who fight cancer in North Dakota and Minnesota.
That’s not to say that all NHL wives are the opposite of Bridget. Surely, the majority are not. But there is something refreshingly unexpected about Bridget’s mission to spend her life helping others.
It’s Bridget’s generosity that Matt says he loves the most about his wife of five years. “She’s probably the most genuine and honest person I’ve ever known,” says Matt. “No matter who you’re talking about or where they come from it seems like everyone takes to her because she’s honest and genuine and you know exactly what you’re going to get.”
In a way, it seems Bridget and Matt are destined to be together and to have created the Cullen Children’s Foundation. They met in high school, a shared love of family and church between them. Parted ways for a few years as Matt’s hockey career skyrocketed and Bridget played point guard on the University of Minnesota at Mankato women’s basketball team. After graduating, Bridget took a graduate assistant coaching
position at Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois where she was encouraged to earn her Master’s degree. Early in her professional career, Bridget thought she wanted to coach women’s basketball at the Division I level. She says, ultimately, coaching wasn’t the right fit for her. She chose Human Service Administration with a focus on non-profit management. “Then it just stopped,” Bridget says. Until she and Matt got back together and two things forever altered their lives.
Matt’s early professional hockey career took him and Bridget to Italy. There, they met a 4-year-old boy fighting cancer. The couple dipped its toes into fundraising there, holding a concert to raise money for the boy’s family. “It was an obvious thing to do,” she says. They explored the idea of starting a foundation but
She’s probably the most genuine and honest person I’ve ever known.
nothing stuck. Until they returned to the States and found the fight against cancer had hit home. Matt’s younger brother Mark, also a professional hockey player, had discovered a suspicious mole on his back. It was an aggressive form of skin cancer – caught just in time. Doctors removed the mole and lymph nodes and Mark is now healthy. That was all the motivation Bridget and Matt needed to plunge into philanthropy. “I always knew I wanted to be in non-profits, and then with these two things happening and being with Matt, it all just fell together,” Bridget says. “It just made sense.”
The couple’s wedding was their first fundraiser. “We didn’t ask for any gifts. We said if you want to donate to our foundation, we’d welcome that,” she says. Terry Cullen, Matt’s father, says he was proud his son and daughter-in-law wanted to start a charitable organization, but admits he was surprised at the timing. “Just before your wedding?” he remembers asking them. “But I was so impressed. At a time when all the focus is on you, I thought it was remarkable to be thinking about others,” Terry says. Fifteen-thousand dollars later, the Cullen Children’s Foundation was a surprise success.
In its fifth year the foundation is having a huge impact. The Cullen Children’s Foundation has grossed more than a million dollars. Bridget says the foundation has donated nearly $400,000, not including a separate endowment set up in case they can’t hold their yearly celebrity golf-tournament fundraiser. As modest as she is, Bridget is quick to give all the credit to the people of Fargo-Moorhead. “This community is just unbelievable; givers, all of them,” she says. “The first year we wanted to raise $50,000. And we raised $200,000,” Bridget exudes, eyes wide. “And so every year we want to do better and better and better.” It’s working. Last year, the Cullen Children’s Foundation collected $350,000 in donations.
The foundation is expanding its mission and reach, too. Its basic charge is to increase awareness of children’s healthcare. All of the funds go directly to organizations throughout North Dakota and Minnesota. “Every year we get more and more applicants from
places like Detroit Lakes, St. Cloud and the Bismarck area,” Bridget says. “We funded 8 different organizations last year.” The Cullen Children’s Foundation donates money mostly to children’s healthcare organizations that fight cancer in some way. Bridget says the pressure to succeed is immense. “It’s really easy to have a fundraiser and say I’m going to donate the money to whatever. But we love being a part of every decision and being hands on.” Not one to rely on past
achievements alone, Bridget is already ambitiously planning the next steps for the Cullen Children’s Foundation. “We’re at the point now where we need to create a strategic plan and set goals for the next five years,” she says. “It’d be too easy to stay where we’re at.” They’re still working out the details of what the
it’s comforting to know there’s people like Bridget Cullen who give more than they take
never take anything for granted
foundation should look like several years down the road but Bridget says they’re exploring expanding the fundraiser roster to include a winter event.
Bridget is hitting her stride as Executive Director. She oversees a Board of Directors [her father-in-law Terry, sits as treasure] and a larger army of volunteers who hit the ground year-round seeking sponsorships and donations. She writes grants. She coordinates all the travel and accommodations for celebrities who appear at the foundation’s summer golf tournament fundraiser. She coordinates and organizes the silent auction and concert. She also makes time with Matt to visit sick children in hospitals as well as the organizations that the foundation helps. “She’s dedicated and she does it all for the right reasons,” Matt says.
“It’d be easy to just run the foundation and not get involved in the kids lives, but that’s not Bridget. I’m so impressed with how much she cares everyday,” he gushes. Her father-in-law agrees. “She’s a livewire, a go–getter, she’s full of energy and anxious to do things and help,” Terry says. “Bridget’s always taking on more than she should, but it’s all for the right reasons.
Oh, and did we mention that she does nearly all of this while living thousands of miles away and raising two young sons? “When you get home [to Fargo] it’s like something hitting you in the face because it’s so immediate,” Bridget says of how quickly the final arrangements need to be completed for the foundation’s summer fundraiser. Here’s how Bridget explains her typical day:
“I wake up with the kids…take Brooks [3-years-old in September] to pre-school. Then Wyatt [9 months] wakes up and eats before going back down for a nap for like 2 ½ hours… that’s my time to get my phone calls and e-mails done and make my list of all the things I need to do in the community. Then I pick up Brooks and get my list of things done and then come home and they nap…I then have 2 ½ more hours to do it all over again. And then at night I lay in bed organizing all the documents that we need!”
At least she’s learned to take weekends off. “Last summer, when I was pregnant, I worked 7 days a week and I was fried!”
The reasons Bridget and Matt work so hard as philanthropists and parents are twofold. One, they’re passionate about helping other families in the community cope with something as traumatic as cancer. “We are so blessed in this life and it is extremely hard to watch children lose their battle with cancer,” says Bridget. “We’re so thankful [to have the life that we do].” Matt has said that witnessing his brother’s battle was a wake-up call that spurred him and Bridget into action. The couple says they are doing exactly what they were meant to. “I love it, it’s my passion,” says Bridget. “Running it is a lot of work, but the best part is going on hospital visits and being hands on… I could do that for the rest of my life.” The other reason Bridget and Matt spend their lives giving back is that it helps them be better parents and stronger spouses to one another. A running theme in their home is to never take anything for granted. “That’s the one thing my mom always said is the best thing you can do for your kids is to love one another,” says Matt. “It’s a task when you have kids and very busy life. We work hard at it. Bridget’s very good at it and does a lot of little things to keep it fresh.” Bridget echoes Matt’s sentiments. “We always feel like if we’re strong together then that will be everything.”
They certainly lead by example. Although Brooks and Wyatt are a bit too young to grasp the spirit of philanthropy they’re being raised in, Bridget and Matt say the seeds are planted everyday. “Giving back is just who we are,” Bridget says. “I want Brooks and Wyatt to be passionate about something and give back, too. It doesn’t have to be cancer research, but whatever they do; they need to learn not to live life just themselves.”
how can you join Bridget and Matt’s team and make a difference? volunteer – your time participate – on a committee contribute – a donation
To make a monetary donation to the foundation send to:
cullen children’s foundation po box 594 west fargo, nd 58078-0594
[Checks can be made payable to Cullen Children’s Foundation]
For more information visit www.cullyskids.com or contact Bridget at bridget@cullyskids.com
Coming from someone who could choose to live a luxurious life filled with fancy things, it’s comforting to know there’s people like Bridget Cullen who give more than they take. And that’s advice any of us would do well to follow.
what do you think $100 would buy you?
what is the job of the president?
“a dolphin” “take care of jesus”
“lots of my little ponies”
“he tells people what to do”
“a house” “to tell people what to do”
“100 different things and kitchen cleaner”
“tells us what the weather is”
“a climber” “keeps the world healthy”
“a bed” “to go on tv a lot”
“four wheeler and a motorcycle” “watches animals”
“if they are on sale…a tree”
“be the boss”
“a bike”
“i don’t know what he does”
what is the most important thing your mom does?
how much money will you make at your first job?
“makes supper” “100 pennies”
“feeds me” “100 dollars an hour”
“gives me hugs and kisses” “23 dollars per day”
“cleans and cooks” “40 dollars in a year”
“works”
“101 dollars in a lot of days and I’m not going to spend it”
“works” “1 dollar a year”
“homework and tells people what to do”
“30 dollars a month to buy a house and car”
“work” “10 dollars a year”
“keeps us safe”
“hundreds…and hundreds”
DivorceCare for Kids 13 week session for kids ages 5 to 12 from 6:30pm to 8:30pm at Hope Lutheran South Campus – Call for session dates 701.235.6629
Red River Moms Of Multiples 2nd Tuesday of each month at 6:30pm in the Community Room at West Acres. For more information visit www.rrvmothersofmultiples.org
RESOLVE Infertility Group 1st Tuesday of each month from 6:30pm to 8:00pm at YMCA downtown in the Marcy’s Kitchen room. Supportive talk with other women who are in the process of their family building journey. For more information contact Jennifer at 701.306.0825
Tender Transitions Every Tuesday and Friday from 12:00pm to 3:00pm at Innovis Health South University 6th Floor Conference Room. For all new moms in the FM area. For questions, call 701.364.8066
La Leche League of Fargo-Moorhead 3rd Thursday of each month at 6:30pm. For more information contact Jill Christianson – jillkensok@hotmail.com or 701.298.8950
Child Asperger Support Group Every Tuesday from 12:00pm to 1:00pm at Southeast Human Service Center. For additional information visit www.rrvasperger.org
Autism Support Group Every Friday from 7:00pm to 9:00pm at Triumph Lutheran Church in Moorhead. For more information call group contact Rachel 218.287.1184
New ALS Support 2nd Tuesday of each month those living with ALS and their loved ones share concerns and ideas about living with ALS. For more information call 701.282.2598
Fargo-Moorhead Home Schoolers Christian home schooling Moms who want to network ideas and provide support to homeschooling families. For more information contact Karen - jkisgrig@msn.com or 701.967.8990
Breastfeeding Support Group Meets once a month from 6:00pm to 7:00pm at Innovis Health. Call 701.364.8100 or visit www.innovishealth.com for more information and other support group opportunities
Riding On Angels’ Wings Therapeutic horseback riding for children with disabilities. Volunteers are always welcome. Contact Bette Shipley - Felton, MN 701.793.5153 or www.ridingonangelswings.org
YWCA of Cass Clay Provide services and programs for women of all ages. Support, volunteer, donate. Call 701.232.3449 or visit www.ywcacassclay.org
Rape & Abuse Crisis Center Crisis intervention, advocacy, and counseling services to all persons who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Volunteer or donate. Call 701.293.7273 or visit www.raccfm.com
New Rainbow Bridge Visitation & Safe Exchange Because of dedicated individuals who volunteer their time, Rainbow Bridge is able to meet the ever increasing visitation needs of our families. For more information visit www.rainbowbridgekids.net or call 218.299.7694
Survivor of Suicide Loss 3rd Thursday of each month. Provide a safe, accepted and supportive environment and opportunity to talk openly. For more information contact Mary at 701.219.4110
New Suicide Survivor’s Support Group 4th Monday of each month at 6:00 pm. Support to loved ones who have lost someone to suicide. For more information call 701.293.6462
FirstChoice Clinic Provides pregnancy confirmation and counseling, prenatal and parenting classes, community referrals to help individuals make life affirming choices. Call 701.237.5902 or visit www.firstchoiceclinic.com. Volunteer or donate at www.teamfirstchoiceclinic.com
Birthright Pregnancy testing, counseling, prenatal and parenting education, maternity and infant clothing, emergency supplies of diapers and formula and labor support. All services are free and confidential. To volunteer or donate contact 701.237.0359 or www.birthright.org
New SHARE: Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group 3rd Tuesday of every month at 7:00pm at Faith United Methodist Church [19th Ave. N, Fargo]. This nondenominational group offers support to those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or within the first few months of life. For more information call 701.234.7500
Special Olympics Provides year-round sports training for all kids and adults with intellectual disabilities. To inquire about volunteering opportunities go to www.specialolympicsnorthdakota.org
Camp Fire USA Builds caring, confident youth and future leaders. Contact Myrna Johnson 218.236.1090 or visit www.campfireusa.org
Red River Celiacs 1st Saturday of each month at Sydney’s Health Market. For more information contact Stacey Juhnke at redriverceliacs@gluten.net
New DMF Lend A Hand Offers resources and matching funds to improve volunteer efforts that benefit people experiencing a medical crisis. Learn more about current fundraising efforts and/or to make a tax-deductible donation go to www.dakmed.org/lendahand
New FirstLink Provides telephone support including information and referral of local non-profits, listening and support, crisis intervention and suicide intervention. 701.235.7335 [SEEK]
New MOMS Club of Fargo Offers support, activities, and friendship for moms who work at home full or part time. For more information www.geocities.com/momsclubofwf or email momsclubofwf@yahoo.com
New Hospice An end-of-life care that provides comfort and support for patients and their families, Hospice also provides support groups for adults and children grieving the loss of a loved one. For more information or to make a donation, visit www.hrrv.org
New Cullen Children’s Foundation Provide financial resources to organizations that support children’s healthcare needs, with an emphasis on cancer. For information on volunteering, being a part of a committee or to make a donation, visit www.cullyskids.com
New Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch Offers a year-round opportunity for volunteers [individuals, groups/part-time, full-time] for its thrift stores. To volunteer call 701.277.9424
New Basic Training for New Dads With an experienced dad leading the way, new dads discuss adjusting to fatherhood, what to expect from a newborn baby and how to support mom during this time. For more information on this 6:30pm- 8:00pm class visit www.innovishealth.com
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TCI offers dynamic coverage from crop insurance to car insurance. Now with the addition of RDA Financial Advisors we can aggressively guard your financial future.
If you are part of a group, have a resource, or offer a class and would like to share with FM area moms and their families help us grow our list by dropping us a note at info@onthemindsofmoms.com.
photograph by | scott thuen
Remember the days before kids when you’d come across that out of control tot throwing a tantrum and you thought to yourself how your kids will never act like that; they will for sure know who’s boss. Fast forward the calendar…now you have a tot throwing a fit in the checkout lane because you won’t buy that bright pink ball or now she’s 15 and for the first time hasn’t told you the ‘whole’ truth. When it comes to discipline it isn’t all about timeouts, grounding and taking the car keys away. It’s about us teaching our kids right from wrong, keeping them safe and establishing their own self control.
Its3am…he’s just been fed…he’s been burped…he has a dry diaper…no temp…he’s not cutting teeth...and he’s still crying. All wee ones cry, but the tears can even take a toll on us. It doesn’t matter how many kids you’ve had, how much education you’ve experienced, or how many books you’ve read on the topic…crying still happens. Trust your ability to care for your sweet wee one and recognize when you’re reaching the end of your rope, then dig deep and above all keep your cool.
when the tears won’t stop
• think about it. You’re not failing your wee one or being lazy if you can’t stop a crying spell. Sometimes babies just need to cry.
• just breathe. Remind yourself to breathe in and out to stay calm. It might take 5 minutes counting down from 10 and that’s okay. Remember: “Smell the flowers, and blow away the clouds.”
• temporary check-out. If you’re alone, put your wee one in a safe place, crib or car seat. Let your baby cry while you take a few minutes to regroup in another room.
• raise the white flag. Lean on your spouse or someone close to you to take over for a while or take advantage of those babysitting offers you get. We have all been there at one time or another, so remember you’re not alone.
• shout it out sista. When you feel you’re reaching the boiling point, speak up. Don’t be embarrassed to admit you’ve had enough. This doesn’t make you a bad mom.
• zzzzz it off. Sleep deprivation will only make it harder to cope with a crying baby, so sleep when your wee one is…the laundry will be there when you wake up.
• recognize the difference. If you’re worried about your ability to cope with a crying baby and just don’t feel like yourself, contact your doctor, a local crisis intervention service or help line for support. It’s never a bad idea to post a crisis number on the refrigerator with your emergency contacts or in another visible, get-to-quick spot.
When you go through these trying times and find it difficult to see the joy in every moment, just remember all the moms before you have been there too. So never doubt your parenting abilities and believe, “this too shall pass.”
males, in their early 20s [usually the baby’s dad or the mom’s boyfriend] are responsible in 65 to 90% of Shaken Baby Syndrome cases
Atsome defining moment, your wee one becomes a tot. It may take you completely by surprise, but you’ll know when it happens. The two of you will be casually shopping or strolling across the parking lot hand in hand when suddenly she will demand her freedom with a stomp, a scream or a defiant “NO!” You’re freedom seeking tot can be taxing, but now is the time to focus on the big D. discipline = the four C’s
1. consistency
This is the foundation of good discipline and the glue that sticks kids together. So remember say what you mean… mean what you say. Don’t give in.
2. consequences
Good or bad, tots need to learn their actions produce results. Teach them the cause and effect rule: when I act like this, this is what happens. Actions should be immediate and appropriate. Dish out the props for positive behavior: “when you act good…good things happen”.
3. confidence
Making tots as independent as possible as early as possible is more than testing the limits of the child labor laws. It’s heartwarming to see the joy and hear the “I did it” when they do things for themselves. Here are some tips to start instilling self-discipline:
• Start at the door with making them hang their coat and put their own shoes away.
• Don’t eat and run. When mealtime is over, your tot can wash their hands, face and even the table.
• Clean it up. Let your tot wipe up their own spills.
• Take the garbage out, ok not all the way to the curb, but your tot can throw away their own trash.
4. circumstances
Sometimes adapting to circumstances is necessary.
• If your tiny tot is over tired [didn’t sleep well, didn’t have a good nap], you have to give them some leeway. When they are sleepy, their impulse control is one of the first things to go. So, there will be times when they won’t [or can’t] comply.
• Consider your own mood. Is it a day that you are light on patience? It is better to avoid a battle of wills if you think you aren’t up to following through. In these cases, ask yourself whether the teaching lesson is necessary.
• Pick your battles. You may need to ease up on little things that are annoying, but otherwise fall into the “who cares” category. The habits your tot is likely to outgrow, such as insisting on wearing purple [and only purple] aren’t something that requires disciplinary action. Remember this stage can be trying and tricky, but if you define what’s important to you, set limits accordingly and follow through with appropriate short and simple consequences, you have a good chance of having a tot you aren’t terrified of taking to Target!
Whenis it ok to discipline another parent’s pride and joy? Every parent has their own rules and style of disciplining their own, but when it comes to other people’s kids, the situation becomes a social minefield.
proceed with caution
When you’re dealing with other parents’ kiddos perhaps the right response depends on the circumstance:
Care is on its 7th edition, is translated into 39 languages and has sold more than 50 million copies, making it second in sales only to the Bible
Play dates can become awkward if behavior expectations are different for each kid involved. It’s confusing to your own kids if they see others kids “getting way” with behaviors they are not allowed to indulge in.
Your four year old son’s friend has been bossing him around during a pretend game of baseball and then he refuses to help clean up the mess he made.
what you want to do: assist him quickly to the naughty step and call his mom to tattle on him.
what you should do: provide a gentle reminder, which can be heard by both kids, “In our home, we pick up the toys when we are done with our game”. Steer clear of time-outs unless you’ve gotten the okay from the other parent to give one. Even then, save it for more glaring misbehavior, like throwing toys or being defiant.
Even though you and your siblings were raised under the same disciplinary framework, that doesn’t mean you’re going to be on the same page with it comes to raising your own kids. Throw in a few other relatives at a family gathering and it’s inevitable parenting styles will be different.
Your eight year old nephew relentlessly teaches your preschooler dirty words, and your brother doesn’t notice [or pretends not to].
what you want to do: scoop up your virgin-ear preschooler and scold your potty-mouthed nephew until your blue in the face.
what you should do: count to five and calmly ask your nephew to clean up his act, “You’re older, know better and it’s not very cool to use these words in front of Joe.” Let your bro know about the situation and that it doesn’t fly with you. Talk to your preschooler about the naughty words too and why it isn’t cool.
in 2020 the estimated national average cost for a four-year college degree will be $124,240 [$30,800 annually]
Are you your kiddos credit card? Does your child know the value of a dollar or is money no object? How many times have you asked, “Do you think I’m made of money?” only to reach deep in your pocket and surrender your hard earned cash or cave at the checkout lane at Target? Take back control of the Bank-O-Mama and start teaching your kids discipline about money:
• show me the work…i show you the money
Should an allowance be tied to chores? It’s really a personal choice with some believing it’s important for kids to make the connection between work and pay. Yet others say kids should have a responsibility to help with housework, above and beyond any financial incentive. Ultimately, you decide what works best for your family.
• minimum wage
How much allowance should you fork over? A lot of it should depend on your own financial situation and what kind of commitment you feel you can keep. Experts recommend kids get 50 cents to $1 per week for every year of their age—$3.50 to $7 for a seven year old, for example. Regardless of the amount you start at, give an allowance regularly and increase the amount as your child gets older.
Really the most challenging part of teaching money discipline is for you to have self-control and avoid feeling sorry for your kid because he wants something he can’t afford. Teach him the importance of saving, budgeting, and self discipline. Don’t let your money burn a hole in his pocket… being overly generous won’t teach your kids to be thankful and won’t prepare them for the real world either.
*A great resource for any family implementing an allowance is www.activeallowance.com
•
How should kids spend their allowance? It’s a good idea to have them use it for discretionary things, not essential purchases like food or clothing. Let kids make buying decisions and mistakes, without dire consequences. It doesn’t hurt to encourage your kids to put away a portion for charity and another portion for savings. Let them choose where to donate the money. It may be a cause that a child can relate to in some way, like an animal shelter or a group that helps sick kids. If some of the allowance goes to savings, consider setting up an account at a local bank. This way, your kiddo can keep track of the money. Many banks offer special bank accounts for kids, and yours may enjoy the experience of getting mail, even if the mail is a bank statement.
Nolonger a little kid but not yet an adult. No, it’s not the title of Taylor Swift’s latest hit single, but rather exactly how your tween feels. They want to test the limits and we just want them to continue being that good kid they have been all these years.
how to deal with tween mean
Your child has always been an angel and then they arrive... the dreaded tween years. Suddenly you may have to deal
with backchat, lying and attitude not to mention strange new music and fashion! Here are some tips to help deal with your ever changing tween as you try to understand what makes them tick:
• get it…got it…good: understand your tween will want to test out his independence. Answering back or disobeying is a way of demonstrating this and showing you that he has a mind of his own. Support as much independence as possible, even if it involves some risks - tweens need to learn by their own mistakes.
• listen…don’t just hear: take a vested interest in what your tween says by feeding back what you’ve been told and not jumping in with your own judgments.
• lay down the law: be clear on the rules of your home and what you expect as your tween grows. Like every other stage of development, say what you mean and mean what you say.
• easy on the orders: too many orders can overwhelm tweens. Explain why some things have to be, but listen to his views. If you have to overrule, explain that until he’s more mature, there are some decisions you must make for him.
• keep your cool: avoid arguments as much as possible and only criticize a behavior, not your tween.
• talk about it: communicating, at any age, is an essential parenting skill. Tweens need you to understand how they’re feeling and to listen to their views - this helps build self-esteem.
• role model: remember, tweens still learn by example. They are bound to imitate what they see their parents do. The best way to have your tween do what you want is to demonstrate that exact behavior, rather than just order them to do it!
sources: www.mayoclinic.com, www.drrobyn.com, www.organizedmommy.com, www.iparenting.com, www.kidshealth.org, www.teenbehaviorcontracts.com
remember when setting a curfew for your tweens they need at least nine hours of sleep a night
you never told me I couldn’t do that...” “That’s completely unfair; you can’t ground me for doing that!” “Hello...taking away my car would end my world.”
Do any of these remarks sound familiar? Maybe we need to add an eye roll, scowl or deep sigh to make if more authentic, but comments and complaints like these are commonly heard in homes that fail to implement a consistent and structured discipline regimen. Research has shown parents who utilize behavior contracts, rarely deal with taunting teens because the rules and guidelines have already been established.
Think of any contract you have ever been a part of. From an employment agreement to a house mortgage, don’t you feel better knowing everything is right there in black and white? With everything on paper and clearly stated, behavior contracts can offer a simple and effective solution for many parenting dilemmas. Teens are aware of the expectations set for their behavior and what the consequences are when those expectations aren’t met. However, for contracts to be effective the following commitments must be made:
• parent and teen must be fair and realistic
• contracts should be specific and detailed leaving no questions or wiggle room
• commitment to enforcement is key, if not the contract is not worth the paper it is written on
• allow consideration for good behavior and not just misbehavior [rewards for success and consequences for failure]
If you are interested in a low-cost, pre-written behavior contract that covers a variety of different topics and issues, here are a few resources for you to checkout:
www.teenbehaviorcontracts.com [ behavior contracts covering teen issues and more]
www.parentcoachplan.com [offers an in-home discipline program that includes a set of behavior contracts which can be downloaded]
www.behavior-contracts.com [offers a variety of behavior contracts and other parenting tools that can be downloaded, plus an online “Create a Behavior Contract” system]
Contracts for teens will help bring structure, consistency and fairness to your parenting practices. With these elements in place, you’re certain to establish a more successful and harmonious relationship with your teen and your home might just be a bit more peaceful too.
your good student could save you 5–20% on car insurance
“Seriously,
She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.
Self-Care! Sounds like some textbook psychobabble crap or something Oprah’s latest expert is adamant I need to be more aware of. For me, I immediately think about all the things I should be doing for myself, but don’t. I’m positive we have all said, “I really need to work out more or start eating healthy.” And how often have we talked about getting out for coffee or a cocktail [or two] with a friend, but it never fails… something comes up. And let’s be honest, we all dream about a moment of uninterrupted silence or sneaking away for that oh-so-needed nap. But the reality is moms struggle to practice self-care. It’s not that we don’t want to do it, but there is this feeling we have to a get everything else done first. The problem is everything else NEVER gets done; we always have something more to do.
Don’t worry, I’m not the preacher type to tell you about why you should “make time for yourself,” because I am big-time guilty of not taking the best care of littleold-me and the queen of putting myself last. So how the heck do we find the time or better yet, how do we find that “something” we can do and won’t feel guilty about doing it that allows us to practice self-care? I
recently had lunch with a girlfriend who talked about her undercover desire to write more because of the release she finds and the creative outlet it gives her. So I got to thinking, maybe it’s time to bring the ol’ school version of a diary back to life and start journaling. You don’t need to spend a bunch of time; five to ten minutes is perfect. Journaling is simply a way to transfer “you” onto paper through a pen, pencil or even a broken crayon. Think of journaling as a brain dump, a way to connect to your soul, find encouragement and you might even find it relaxing. Do I think writing all my deep desires, dreams and disappointments on a paper towel or in a book magically makes all my worries go away, “ah…no”, but I have found it makes this already overloaded, warn-out, exhausted brain and body of mine feel better. I’ve even been known to flash a smile and giggle as I reflect on my day. Believe it or not, many times when I lift my pen from the paper, I realize the day wasn’t as dysfunctional as I first thought.
Here is some food for thought as I challenge you to explore and release your thoughts to paper:
got gratitude?
It is easy to focus on everything that is left undone or all the mistakes you made in a day as a mom. Use your journal to focus on all you have to be thankful for. Scribble down every little moment that touched your heart during the day and recall all the smiles, the simple things you sometimes take for granted and anything else that will connect you to good thoughts.
be a rockstar
Make a list of all the great things you said and did that day. Bring out some of that inner cockiness and don’t be so hard on yourself. Brag to your paper, remember it won’t crinkle its forehead, judge you and then run off to gossip about you. If you managed to get a load of laundry done, write it down. That’s an accomplishment. Remind yourself of all the good you do instead of focusing on what you need to do better.
surprise!
Who knew there’re two styles of journaling? Free flowing journaling is where you write down anything
that is on your mind and then there is guided journaling where you focus on answering one particular question aimed at learning more about yourself. I know…I am not the best at asking myself a question and getting the answer back I want to hear, but you might actually be surprised. Ask yourself simple questions like:
What inspires me?
What am I REALLY good at?
What triggers me emotionally?
What is important to me in friendship?
What stops me from living the life that is most important to me?
If you’ve never tried journaling, give it a shot. What do you have to lose? It really does change the way you think and feel about your world. You might even start to notice more of your life and find yourself more ‘in the moment’ and more YOU than you have ever been. Self-Care.
photograph by | rialee photography
Here's the story for local parents who are bringing up three very lovely girls or busy with three boys of their own. No matter the size of your family, Parents' Fair will have a bunch of useful booths, speakers and material.
Saturday, Sept. 19 • 8 a.m.-4 p.m.
Fargo Civic Center
parentsfair.meritcare.com
