Chapter 1 Big Deal
by Fradel Bergstein, as told to C.L. Beer
I start feeling excruciating pain. The better part of the evening is spent in agony, in the bathroom. Forget about the book or socializing; I can’t think of cleaning the kitchen or doing the laundry because by the time it’s over, I have zero energy left.” “Wow! So you’re juggling the many jobs of a housewife, mother, and breadwinner when you don’t have the physical strength needed for even one of these jobs.” “Right. You know how people talk about the morning rush? Well, how about if you have to add all those bathroom visits to the mix? So I get the toddler dressed, run to the bathroom, offer the preschooler breakfast, run to the bathroom. Get myself dressed, run to the bathroom…” “How long ago were you diagnosed with colitis?” Shifra asked. “Oh, it’s been a while. I was still in high school when I noticed the first symptoms. But it was no big deal.” “No big deal? But it’s still a deal, isn’t it?”
There was no denying it anymore. If it was really nothing, this invisible medical condition of mine, then why did talking about it evoke such powerful emotions? It didn’t take me long to face the truth. Perhaps it wasn’t the physical part that was bogging me down. Maybe I was stoic enough to march forward and embrace life’s everyday challenges in spite of my physical weakness. But the emotional toll of sweeping it all under the rug had clearly left its mark. Keeping it under the radar didn’t erase its existence. On the contrary, maintaining the facade of “everything’s fine” only added to the burden of my “non-catastrophic” medical condition. Don’t they say, “A burden shared is a burden halved?” Yes, Fradel Bergstein was strong. Stronger than ever. Strong enough to let everyone know that she really wasn’t all that strong.
TO BE CONTINUED WELLSPRING / AV 5783
65
