My Greatest I
Accomplisment By Haley Heilbronn
I AM A SUPPORTIVE WIFE TO A FOCUSED, INDUSTRY-DRIVEN HUSBAND AND BUSINESS PARTNER. I AM A SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IN BUSINESS. I AM AN UNSUCCESSFUL WOMAN IN BUSINESS.
Photography @DWattsPhotography
am a perfectionist. I am a perfectionist that continually moves the goal post. I am a serial overachiever. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I am a student. I have social issues along with self-confidence issues. Above everything, I enjoy my own company. Enter Motherhood …WTAF?!?! My son is 12 years old. The night he was born, when my husband and my mum left the hospital, and I was alone with this tiny, tiny creation of perfectly pink skinned beauty, I cried my heart out. I cried tears of love, bewilderment, protection, honour, sacrifice, physical pain, and FEAR. I was a wreck. I had no idea what I was up for. The excitement and thought of having a baby with the man I loved, the journey of building this tiny human inside of me and being totally in awe of the female anatomy and physiology in the process of this creation, soon turned to dread. I was not ready to have this baby. I mean, I loved him, and I would do everything in my power to protect him, but I was not prepared for motherhood at all. I put my son in a box – metaphorically speaking. I wanted him to be the most perfect baby/child/son/adult/ boyfriend/husband. I wanted him to be nothing like me. Why did I think that? My self-worth was so limited. I had people-pleased all my life and constantly felt judged and felt I was a repressed failure at everything, especially at motherhood. I would have these anxious thoughts when I would take my son out in public. I would worry he would not be socially accepted, that he would say or do the “wrong” thing. I would constantly make excuses for his actions or give him the eyes and snarl at him. All the while knowing in my heart through my deeply rooted, feminine, ancestral mama-tigress heart that he was a beautiful soul that was naturally embracing life, just like he should. No no no! My over critical, judgment fuelled, devil on my shoulder kept saying “he has to be perfect; he is never going to get anywhere in life if he is not perfect!”. Hang on a minute, was I worried about people judging him, or was I worried about people judging me as a mother? It was both. MUMPRENEUR MOVEMENT |
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