lockdown & beyond edition
how to spot an online
narcissist
when you first meet them So, we’re all in lockdown, times are tough, we’re isolated, restricted, separated, lonely, our very way of life feels threatened. But however tough things are, narcissists are having it tougher. Everything a narcissist does and says is designed to extract a favourable response from the people around them - admiration, recognition, appreciation. This is narcissistic supply and a steady stream of it distracts the narcissist from the true self that they loathe. It feeds the false self that they have carefully cultivated down the years, to cover up the empty void at the core of their being. In lockdown, narcissists will have lost some if not all of their supply and that makes them very dangerous. Unable to go out to find new sources, the narc will turn to the only medium left to them – the internet. And it’s here that they can be doubly destructive, particularly to those who are struggling emotionally and mentally during these tough times. The survivors of narcissistic abuse fill online 14
forums and therapy couches all over the world. People report losing trust in others, themselves and the world. They lose sense of their own views, boundaries and personalities. The trauma of narcissistic abuse can run deep, as a narcissist, given time, will inveigle their way right into the core of another, and over time, use every scrap of knowledge about that person’s hopes, dreams, vulnerabilities and existing traumas to obtain supply. Extracting yourself from a narcissist’s web can be difficult, particularly if you’re trauma bonded to the narc, and as with any other addiction, it rarely comes without a cost. You may feel grief, loss, abandonment, or whatever it is you are prone to feel in traumatic times. The earlier you can get away, the better, and best of all would be not to attract them in the first place. But narcs can be notoriously difficult to spot, particularly in the early stages. In popular culture, narcs are usually seen as preening, vain, self-promotional types who use their charm, looks and manipulative tactics to get what they want and don’t care who they use or walk over.
