20 THE YWCA’S DR. MYRA HENRY
On the cover of our October 2022 edition of Rochester Woman Online, we have Dr. Myra Henry of the YWCA Monroe County who is leading the fight to end racism and empowering women everywhere!
Rochester Woman Online is very honored to have the Monrow County YWCA’s incredible leader, Dr Myra Henry gracing our cover this month.
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Can you tell us a little bit about the YWCA, and its mission. How did the YWCA get started?
A brief history of YWCA Rochester and our commitment to serve women in this community is best described as. A Legacy of Women Helping Women.
In 1883, eleven empowering women saw a need to provide housing for young women moving into the city for the first time to find work. They founded a women’s association that years later would vote to become a member of the national organization known as the YWCA and opened a small boarding house. Employment services were offered, as well as classes in arithmetic and English since educational opportunities for women were extremely limited.
As the YWCA’s programs expanded, so did the need for additional space. In 1888, the YWCA opened the first gymnasium classes for women in Rochester, including the first public swimming pool for women. Around this time, rooms could be rented for $1 a week. Meals were not provided but could be purchased on site; a full meal cost 11 cents.
In the early 1900s, programs for girls became a central part of the YWCA’s mission. The Girl Reserves, later to be called Y-Teens, would give girls a place to gather, offer a wide range of classes, and provide opportunities for community service. It was also around this time that the YWCA opened the first camp for girls in would soon follow.
In 1922 the organization established a race relations committee and created the Caladonia Street Branch of the YWCA for African American women, later called the Clarissa Street Branch. By 1951, all of the YWCA’s programs and services were fully integrated at its new facility on North Clinton Avenue.
As the agency continued to grow and serve even greater numbers of women, the YWCA’s programs and activities flourished. Clubs and programs were formed for nearly every purpose imaginable. From the organization’s earliest days, groups of area women who supported the association and its mission had begun forming into what were called “Chapters,” or groups that gathered to spend time together for leadership and service opportunities. One of these chapters, the Sibley Chapter, continues today, generously contributing to the programs of the YWCA.
In the late 1960s and 1970s, the YWCA served as a place for the community to come together to discuss social issues. The leadership of the YWCA at the time, which included Mrs. Ermine Byas and Mrs. Betty Jane Altier, became a strong voice for racial justice. Eliminating racism in all its forms became a hallmark program of the YWCA at the national and level. Focusing on offering services that fostered social justice and economic empowerment became critical to the agency’s mission.
At this time, several programs still
women & children in our community.
What are some of the services that you offer and how do they impact the lives of the residents?
YWCA Rochester & Monroe County is an as an influential leader in racial equity, housing, addiction recovery and young adult services for women and
Tell us a little bit about yourself, Dr Myra Henry, and what led you to becoming the President & CEO of the YWCA of Rochester.
The mission!!! YWCA’s mission to eliminate racism and empower women is passion work for me. Every day, I have honor of serving in an environment that uplifts and motivates. This position is an opportunity to bring my lived, work, and academic experience into full view in service of others.
What has been your biggest challenge since becoming the CEO? Joining a non profit in the midst of global pandemic, racial strife and political polarization and making sure we are able to continue providing the much needed services to the women in our community, is the most challenging. However, the amazing team people I get to work with also make this very challenging work very rewarding as well.
families. We impact more than 1000 women and their families annually with a variety of case management and support services that lead to stable and affordable housing, success recovery from addiction as well as parental guidance and education for emerging leaders.
If you could have dinner with anyone living or passed on; who would it be and why?
Dr. Dorothy Height, as one of the pillars in the YWCA movement to eliminate racism, I would ask her, “how do you maintain strength in the midst of adversity?”
“YWCA’s mission to eliminate racism and empower women is passion work for me. Every day, I have honor of serving in an environment that uplifts and motivates.”
where we do all things through an equity lens – making sure that we are encourage each other as we work daily to encourage and motivate the people we serve.
Who in your life has inspired you and how has their inspiration helped your career?
I am inspired most by parents – especially my mother, who blazed a trail and one of the first Black women journey at
guides me today.
What piece of advice would you give a woman struggling today?
Take time to self-reflect often, celebrate all the wins, don’t get too stressed and always remember you will get through – this is but one moment in time.
What resources are the most needed in your opinion for women and children that are coming to the YWCA?
affordable
of case
The need for safe, affordable, desirable housing is much needed for the women and families we serve. Many of the women we serve have experienced some level of homelessness, are often underemployed and find it difficult to find sufficient housing.
What do you feel has been your biggest success to date since taking on this challenging role?
A big win for us, is the successful return of the Empowering Women’s Luncheon – we were able to bring more than 800 people together to celebrate and honor the women who serve as activists and
“We impact more than 1000 women and their families annually with a variety
management and support services that lead to stable and
housing, success recovery from addiction as well as parental guidance and education for emerging leaders.”
allies in this movement to eliminate racism and empower women.
How do you feel the Rochester community has embraced you?
I am humbled by the support, from the Rochester community. I appreciate and value the relationships I have established with other members in the community.
How would you describe yourself in one word?
Thoughtful
Where do you see yourself, and the YWCA in five years, or 10 years? YWCA
Rochester & Monroe will be a leader on women’s issues and empowerment in our community
How do you empower yourself and the women around you?
opportunities for other women to reflect as they grow.
What makes you a strong woman? My faith and family.
What fulfills you?
Knowing that I have a calling on my life to serve others and to treat everyone with same dignity and respect.
How can women stand in solidarity with each other?
WE can stand in solidarity with each other by holding space to share, be vulnerable and give grace.
Tell us about one person you have met through the YWCA whose story has impacted you.
I have met so many wonderful women through the YWCA, one in particular is an older women who lives in our permanent housing – over the summer she introduced me to her teenage granddaughter – she wanted me to meet her granddaughter because she felt was important for her to see a Black women in leadership. That’s why I, do what I do - I have a responsibility to encourage and motivate others – by being an example of a success Black woman in leadership.
What is one thing that most people don’t know about you?
Many people don’t know that I am a native Rochesterian, I love my community and am honored to serve the women and their families, in this role.
“The need for safe, affordable, desirable housing is much needed for the women and families we serve.”
“A big win for us, is the successful return of the Empowering Women’s Luncheon – we were able to bring more than 800 people together to celebrate and honor the women who serve as activists and allies in this movement to eliminate racism and empower women.”
Reflected in the serene waters of Keuka Lake, the reds, oranges, and yellows of the changing autumnal leaves sway in the mid-October breeze. Although the residential summer camp season ended over a month ago, the Camp Good Days Recreational Facility isn’t ready for winterization just yet; among the Camp’s 13.5 acres, small groups of adults wander between activities, laughing and conversing amongst themselves. Clad in matching blue t-shirts, these men and women all have one thing in common—all of them are affected by cancer. This is S.O.A.R. [Supportive Oncology Adult Retreat], a free event for members of the Camp Good Days Adult Oncology program, where those with cancer -- along with a supportive partner, -- can enjoy a relaxing weekend alongside others who are experiencing a similar battle.
“It [Camp Good Days] means having support whenever needed, no matter what,” says Anne Klein, a participant who began attending Camp Good Days’ adult oncology events after her 2001 breast cancer diagnosis. Klein, who first heard about Camp Good Days after attending a support group in Brockport for those with breast cancer, is now a frequent volunteer for the Camp’s many year-round programs along with her husband Ronn. “We
have seen so many miracles happen there,” says Klein.
Founded in 1979 by Gary Mervis after his daughter, Teddi, was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor at age nine, Camp Good Days and Special Times provides free residential summer camp and year-round experiences for children and families affected by cancer and sickle cell anemia. The Adult
an adult camper after experiencing a 2021 cancer relapse. According to him, “Being able to have conversations with other adults going through the same situations is somewhat therapeutic. As a kid, you have surgery, get treatment, and want to go play. As an adult, you have the added responsibilities of work, and taking care of yourself and others; it helps to be able to talk with others to see how they are dealing with the same things. It was great to work alongside some of the great volunteers that I grew up looking up to. They still reach out throughout the year to check in and see how things are doing. It warms my heart to know that there are people from my Camp family that think about me in addition to their own loved ones.”
Oncology program was established in 1996 when the camp began hosting a free Women’s Wellness retreat for females with cancer. The program has since expanded to include an annual Men’s Prostate retreat and S.O.A.R., as well as additional year-round activities and networking opportunities. Nick Puleri, who attended camp as a child after being diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma before later moving on to be a volunteer for Camp Good Days, attended this year’s S.O.A.R event as
This year, S.O.A.R. was held on the weekend of October 14th through the 16th at their Recreational Facility in Branchport, New York. Sixteen adults, all of whom have been diagnosed with or experienced a relapse in their cancer within the past ten years, attended the retreat alongside their supportive partners—spouses, adult children, lifelong friends, and parents were all among the attendees. Together, the campers participated in a variety of activities, including pumpkin painting, reiki, group canvas painting, hiking,
great-- axe throwing, and a pig roast! I even got to make my goddaughter a stuffed unicorn for her birthday.”
When considering an adult oncology retreat for the first time, the participants acknowledge that the experience can seem daunting at first. Stacey Ruisi, a long-time Camp Good Days volunteer and 20-year breast cancer survivor, reflects on how she was first introduced into the Adult Oncology program: “I
and a ‘we are glad you are here!’ Still fresh from the words ‘you have cancer’ and not knowing what to expect for my future, I was so glad to see 15 to 20-year survivors laughing and having a great time. It gave me hope. I knew I had found a place where I could put my worries about cancer aside even if it was only for a day or two.”
Johnnielynn Fiormonti, a pancreatic cancer survivor, was first introduced to Camp Good Days when she was asked to host an online group painting
by campers during the pandemic. She attended S.O.A.R. alongside her husband, Paul, while also doing double-duty as an instructor for the retreat’s canvas painting activity. For Fiormonti, the retreat validated her feelings about surviving cancer. “You are in your own little world here and it’s a bubble of joy—you see precious little snippets of the children and the history and their experience everywhere. Everyone that I met there has their own struggles, but
“This is S.O.A.R. [Supportive Oncology Adult Retreat], a free event for members of the Camp Good Days Adult Oncology program, where those with cancer -- along with a supportive partner, -- can enjoy a relaxing weekend alongside others who are experiencing a similar battle.”
they didn’t make it about themselves. I forgot what was happening outside in the world. I just feel so thankful.” True to her artistic background, Fiormonti states that the one thing she won’t forget about the retreat was the campers’ ability to freely express themselves: “I appreciated the time that I was able to spend time in the Arts and Crafts shed. It was so fun, and it felt like being in Kindergarten again—we got to play, and there was no competition.
My husband constantly worries about me, but he didn’t at all this weekend; he just got to enjoy himself too.”
A’gota Fejes, a cancer survivor, traveled from New York City to attend S.O.A.R. alongside her husband Richard, who also has cancer. According to Fejes, “All employees and volunteers are open to explaining their passions, and share their passion to let you grow and have success.” When asked what she would take away from the camp experience, Fejes describes a prevalent sense of “love, help, happiness, beauty, openness, and enthusiasm.”
In the evenings, before heading back to their cabins, the participants enjoyed chatting around the campfire and
gathering to watch a movie. On Saturday night, DJ Jerry Karns from Prestige Entertainment played disco music as the campers danced the night away wearing outfits straight from 1970. Nick Puleri, who brought his childhood friend to the retreat, used this opportunity to indoctrinate him into camp traditions; “I told him of
highlight of the weekend for many. “I once heard a woman say, ‘thank God for cancer, because it changed my life for the better,’” said Tamara Federico, a Camp Good Days staff member who is in charge of organizing S.O.A.R. and the annual Women’s Wellness retreat. “I was perplexed, but she explained to me that her life is fuller now, as she is more apt to try new things and live life to the fullest.” Adds Ruisi, “The worst words in the world, ‘you have cancer’ brought me to the best place in the world, Camp Good Days!”
For more information about Camp Good Days and Special Times and the Adult Oncology program, please visit their website at www.campgooddays.org.
as a man, you have to wear a dress. He was a good sport about it, and it was fun for me to see him get out of his shell and do his best to entertain everyone there.”
Before departing for home on Sunday, the group gathered at the camp’s chapel in the woods to participate in a closing ceremony led by Sister Francella Quinn, a tradition that is the
““It [Camp Good Days] means having support whenever needed, no matter what,” says Anne Klein.”
Excellus BlueCross BlueShield will offer a free, live webinar featuring local Medicare experts on Wednesday, Nov. 16 from 7 to 8 p.m. Panelists will provide valuable information and answer participant questions live. Aimed at adults aged 65 and older, along with other qualified Medicare applicants and those helping their loved ones to sign up, the interactive event will review:
• Medicare basics
• How to get started with Medicare
• All the details of the 2023 Medicare Advantage plans, including differences between the various plan options and what they cover
The information is pertinent to those signing up for Medicare for the first time and those just looking to learn more.
Former WHEC-TV News 10 Rochester anchor Rebecca Leclair will moderate the discussion.
“Insurance coverage options can be so intimidating, but it’s very important to understand your options thoroughly,” Leclair said.
“That’s why I’m looking forward to facilitating this opportunity and helping those struggling to sort through the wealth of information out there. We all need some clarity to be more confident in our health care decisions.”
The event’s expert panelists include Jane Ahrens, an independent Medicare broker and president of Ahrens Benefits Company; Elisa Brescia, an Excellus BCBS
Medicare sales consultant; and Dr. Ankit Garg, Excellus BCBS’s vice president medical affairs retail markets.
A retired health teacher, Ahrens opened the Ahrens Benefits Company in 2008 and specializes in offering Medicare plans for seniors and health insurance plans for individuals and groups.
Dr. Garg joined Excellus in June 2022. He began his career in 2010 at Cone Health in Greensboro, N.C. before stops at MVP Health Care, Rochester Regional Health and Johns Hopkins University.
Armed with two decades of insurance experience, Brescia has worked with Medicare participants for the past four years at Excellus and enjoys teaching people how to navigate all the different aspects of Medicare.
“We are so pleased to be a part of an event presenting this very
necessary information to the public,” Brescia said. “We know how daunting this process can be. We want people to understand the options and resources available to them, whatever their individual situations are.”
Register for the 2023 Guide to Medicare webinar at www. excellusformedicare.com/webinar
Excellus BlueCross BlueShield, an
independent licensee of the Blue Cross Blue Shield Association, is a nonprofit health plan with 1.5 million upstate New York members. The company’s mission is to help people live healthier and more secure lives through access to high-quality, affordable health care. Its products and services include cost-saving prescription drug discounts, wellness tracking tools and access to telemedicine. With more than 3,500 employees,
the company is committed to attracting and retaining a diverse workforce to foster innovation and better serve its members. It also encourages employees to engage in their communities by providing paid volunteer time off as one of many benefits.
To learn more, visit ExcellusBCBS. com.
“We know how daunting this process can be. We want people to understand the options and resources available to them, whatever their individual situations are.”
She’s a Boss : In a world of chaos aching for stability, these women share their incredible first-hand accounts of overcoming seemingly impossible odds. Their courage and determination to break through the barriers holding them down, they emerge transformed and through persistence and determination, they take small steps to create giant changes in their lives.
Why did I decide to curate the book, “She’s a Boss: Inspirational Stories from Female Leaders Around the World”?
I wanted to create an indescribable, positive change for people.
I had experience from being involved as a co-author in two other book projects. And those two book project experiences were vastly different. With the first book, “She Made it Happen”, there was very little communication, very little direction, timelines would come and go with no updates, and it felt like I was left to figure things out on my own. Not a great experience for a first time book author.
The second book I co-authored, “Women Who Lead”, was a very different experience. There was great communication, deadlines were given and met, education and direction were given, and it was a great experience.
For this book, as the curator, I truly was striving for something similar to the second book but even better!
When I decided to do this I thought about my second experience and what
it was possibly lacking. Could I make a book project experience even better?
We had communication, direction, deadlines, but it was missing one thing that I didn’t feel until AFTER we launched the book, and that one thing is: Community. I felt alone during the writing process. It wasn’t until the day of the launch that I connected with all of the ladies.
I wanted to create emotional support and community for these ladies as they experienced this first book project. I tried to offer great communication, direction, education, AND emotional support by creating a Facebook messaging chat and really setting the vibe by hand-picking a tribe of amazing women who were constantly lifting each other up, asking questions and working together on their chapters. It really felt like a group experiment. I wanted to give these women an outlet for their creativity, a place to tell their story, a way to change their lives and other people’s lives. I gave them options, included them in decisions, we talked about the project as a team.. and that created the Tribe mentality I wanted them to feel.
In an interview with one of the coauthors after the book launched, they asked me why I chose to do this project and I told them, “I chose to do this project because of YOU”. I saw a story within these authors that the world needed to hear. That’s why I did this. This book is a labor of love. I knew from my previous experiences that doing a project like
this will create results for these authors that no one can imagine, express or articulate. I wanted to create magic in people’s lives. Magic that can only be obtained from healing trauma, exposing some part of our life’s journey that’s been broken. From being totally vulnerable, exposed, naked, truly real, we fill those cracks and mend ourselves.
Early on, I brought on Jan Schiffner as an assistant co-curator and as we were talking about the effects of doing a book like this, I likened it to Kintsugi. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of mending broken pottery with lacquer mixed with gold and other precious metals. It treats breakage and repairs while showcasing the history of an object, rather than something to disguise the cracks. In doing so, the pottery is even more beautiful because of its cracks and imperfections. That’s exactly what I see in these women and in this process.
The writing process is extremely cathartic. When you allow yourself to open up to pure authenticity, amazing things happen. Scary, terrifying things happen. But in the end you have something you can be very proud of, and something that other people need. People truly need to hear and connect with these stories. It’s amazing how many messages I get from these authors I’ve curated as well as people who’ve read the book, telling me how much this has changed their lives.
We’ve got 14 stories in this book.
The book became a #1 Best Seller in the US within the first five hours of being launched, and a #1 Best Seller Internationally just a few hours later. It’s given additional credibility to these women, helping advance their careers and their livelihoods. It’s healing those cracks and giving them more confidence, and that confidence is shining through in everything they do. Their lives and families’ lives, as well as the people who read the book, will be affected in a positive way. The relationships they’ve created within the tribe will last a lifetime. Mission Accomplished. Much love, Monica Ward is a Senior Executive with over 20 years in Telecommunications. She has been an Energy Healer, seeing and feeling energy for her entire life. Working directly with many amazing mentors including Bob Proctor, Lisa Nichols, John Assaraf and Eckhart Tolle, Monica has helped thousands to improve their lives through her high-performance coaching and Energy healing.
OR if you want a longer bio, taken from the book: Monica is a natural-born Energy Healer who has used these skills to become an inspirational Sales Leader. Her natural empathic skills have helped her to earn top recognition in her career year after year. Monica is a keynote speaker consulting on being an Empathic Energy Healer and using the Universal Laws to Manifest your Best Life. Even as a child, Monica had
a sense of the unlimited possibilities within human consciousness. Upon the realization that enlightenment is within all of us, she made the decision to tap into that force, to raise the vibration around her, and to continually attempt to help others to see their infinite potential.
Monica’s background includes over 20 years in the Telecommunications industry. She is also an International #1 Best-Seller, Graduate of The Eckhart Tolle School of Awakening, Certified Ho’oponopono Practitioner, Sensei Level Reiki Master/Teacher of the Usui Lineage, Certified Medical Intuitive, and a Proctor Gallagher Consultant, coached by Bob Proctor.
Monica has been featured in hundreds of media publications including FOX, CBS, NBC, ABC, as well as…
What Would Amber Do? Episode 67 – Elevating our Consciousness with Monica Ward: https://www.whatwouldamberdo. com/1369615/10040096-episode67-elevating-our-consciousness-withmonica-ward
Business innovators magazine: https://businessinnovatorsmagazine. com/high-performance-coach-monicaward-shares-her-entrepreneurialjourney/
Motivation and Success Hall of Fame: https://momempoweredbymoney. lt.acemlnb.com/Prod/link-tracker? redirectUrl=aHR0cHMlM0ElMk YlMkZtb3RpdmF0aW9uYW5kc3
VjY2Vzcy5jb20lMkZtb3RpdmF0 aW9uLWFuZC1zdWNjZXNzLXB 1Ymxpc2hpbmctaGFsbC1vZi1mY W1lJTJG&sig=AiNmj2EKsWRdsu 4MtGV6kJUkcL4x4HW82nvkJM 1fWEn3&iat=1644328015&a=%7 C%7C66386332%7C%7C&acco unt=momempoweredbymoney%2 Eactivehosted%2Ecom&email=Lu 765r21d2lEnGcLzy48ab35hO7C %2FF3J%2FgQB9Uu3XAY%3D &s=53ea59bdd95cd5e507f1f3b0ff 7bc0d3&i=1155A1343A72A9464
Spotlight Magazine:
The #1 go-to magazine for female entrepreneurs. The best trailblazers and influencers sharing their tips: https://mybook.link/flipbook/03ff
You can get in touch with Monica here: Website: https://www.monicawardhealer. com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/ in/monicaward/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ monicarward Email: info@monicawardhealer.com / monica.ward@goto.com
“Why did I decide to curate the book, “She’s a Boss: Inspirational Stories from Female Leaders Around the World”? I wanted to create an indescribable, positive change for people.”
Tell our audience a little about yourself and your background and history with Roberts Wesleyan University.
My immigrant parents, who were unable to realize their own educational desires, instilled in me two unquestioned commitments: education and hard work. I left the Sullivan County Catskills in Narrowsburg, NY, to attend Roberts Wesleyan College and have been in Rochester ever since. Multiple interests led to a German major (taking upperlevel courses at the University of Rochester) and minors in music, Spanish and education. I assumed my profession would be teaching high school German, which I did for one year before being asked to return to Roberts Wesleyan College to teach German. Among a number of young faculty hired at the same time was a wonderful tenor in the music department who became my husband and father of our son, who is now a professor at Yale School of Music. Thus began a career involving an unforeseeable range of teaching and professional activities under six presidents and administrations. In the 1970s when, like many colleges, Roberts reduced foreign language offerings, I added a second master’s and specialized coursework to teach writing and speech, and then helped launch Roberts’ firstyear and senior-seminar programs, developed the communication major and directed the College Honors Program for 20 years.
What credentials do you have that prepared you for your position as Professor of Communication, Chair and now Dean of the School of Arts and Humanities?
Advanced degrees include: University of Rochester, MA, German and linguistics; SUNY Brockport, MA, speech/ rhetoric; and University of Buffalo, Ph.D., higher education focused on rhetoric and undergraduate education. Those credentials and discipline-related
What are some of the key factors that have kept you at the “university” for over 58 years?
scholarship certainly have contributed to both preparation and understanding, but equally important has been the combination of faculty experience and participation with colleagues across the country in communication studies and rhetorical theory and criticism, as well as in the broader academic world of organizations, such as the American Association for Higher Education, Council of Independent Colleges and Middle States Association Accreditation teams.
When I returned to teach, I certainly did not see it as a permanent place of employment. Once I was married and we were able to share not only our commitment to working with students, but also singing in Rochester groups (Rochester Chorale, summer Opera Under the Stars, Bach Festival Chorus and church choir), we became part of the college and greater Rochester community. Neither of us quit teaching while we completed advanced degrees, and I think “being in it together” was a significant factor in staying here. Beyond strong relationships with students, the ongoing involvement in academic program development, leading faculty workshops and participation in national conferences became a way of life. There certainly have been times when I have wondered what my intended return to teaching high school German or a move to another college might have yielded, but at critical junctures, we (now I) chose to stay.
What does being a professor of Communication entail? What is the favorite part of your job?
In addition to maintaining ongoing connection with the ever-expanding scope of communication studies, taking teaching and learning seriously entails
endless hours of class preparation, responding to written work, student advising and personal engagement, and dealing with unforeseen daily challenges. What are the rewards? My favorite part of the professoriate is providing a safe and sacred space of learning—a classroom in which to consider who we are as language-using human beings dependent on our one common denominator: communication. I cannot measure the fruits of that labor: students who catch the vision of learning beyond the rewards of “grades”; who begin to see themselves, their potential and their future differently as they explore the implications of their communication studies in all aspects of their lives; who move into myriad workplaces and graduate studies as exceptional human beings whose preparation enables them to pursue their own professional paths; who, having presented at regional conferences as undergraduates, are now professorial colleagues across the country.
Being in the unique position of being a female leader, and working at the college for your entire career, what do you feel is the most important message to provide other young leaders who look up to you?
In a word, “balance.” I value and try to practice invitational, collaborative approaches and processes rather than managerial dictates as I work with students (and colleagues). Knowing that such an approach may be interpreted as “soft,” I am deliberate in communicating expectations, standards and mutual accountability to students while also conveying my genuine interest, affirmation and support. Recognizing, understanding and balancing our own
goals in relation to the needs of others is critical, whatever the context and whatever our role!
What motivates you and keeps you moving forward, especially in 2022 after being in a pandemic for 2 years?
Frankly, I don’t know how to do anything else! Engagement with ideas and students has been my “life’s work.” Consequently, throughout the COVID semesters of isolation, I met all classes synchronously in order to engage in Zoomed face-tofaces discussion and remind us of our interconnectedness despite distance and personal challenges. Two years later, I can confirm current research concluding we have not returned to a recognizable “normal” as students struggle to regain control over time, focus, studying, health and basic habits of discourse. Nor are students alone in such struggles! I am motivated by the conviction that despite changes and roadblocks, we can—we must—find ways to persevere, adjust, communicate and work together.
What has been your favorite position in your tenure and why?
Positions and changing titles come with the academic territory. Beyond professor and faculty roles within a number of institutional programs, departments, divisions and organizational “schools,” two positions vie for “favorite”: development of our theory-plus-practice communication major as a result of assisting with an institutional Title III grant, and directing the College Honors Program for two decades. Recognizing that among the thousands of students (in well over two dozen different courses) are close to 400 communication alumni and over 250 graduates of the four-year
Honors Program is both a rewarding and humbling realization. My favorite “title,” however, has been Dr. Mrs. My late husband, Paul Berry, the first Roberts faculty member to teach for over 50 years, was Professor of Music and also heavily involved in academic programs. Students differentiated between the two “Doctors Berry” by renaming them: Dr. Mr. and Dr. Mrs. Those simple abbreviations represented our collective and individual commitment to the education of students and the mission of Roberts Wesleyan.
What do you feel makes you a successful leader and how do you coach other women in Communication to empower themselves?
I do not think in terms being a “successful leader” as I attempt to meet the challenges and demands of different roles and responsibilities. At the same time, I recognize that while much of my own work has been collaborative and often behind the scenes, many aspects of leadership have been involved in classroom teaching, program development, chairing committees and projects, and working with students. I see myself primarily as a reflective question-asker and catalyst for productive discussion. Nor do I tend to “coach” students in a direct manner. The most meaningful answers rarely come from external sources, in contrast with questions that enable us to make our own connections and come to our own realizations. I would like young women to observe in me what it means to wrestle with ideas and issues and not “know” an immediate answer. I want them to consider empowerment as having much more to do with investing in others than in one’s own power.
“faculty workshops and participation in national conferences became a way of life.”
What are some of the pros and cons of working at the same college for over 58 years?
Pro: Having studied the life and work of our 1866 founder, Benjamin Titus Roberts (B.T.), and been directly connected with the Institution for 40% of its history, I deeply respect both B.T.’s social-justice commitments—e.g., anti-slavery, pro-women’s equality—and the work of those on whose shoulders we all stand, those to whom we are indebted. Institutions are ever-evolving, and I have experienced the particulars of circumstances, decisions and personnel related to the evolution of Roberts since my college days. Coming to know, as colleagues and friends, the individuals whose visions, commitments and personal sacrifices resulted in today’s campus, programs and outstanding alumni provides me with relevant “teaching stories” and illustrative connections between Roberts and events in American history. I am able to put current issues or challenges into historical perspective and answer countless programmatic and institutional questions.
Con: I am likely viewed by some as an old-guard professor whose longevity defies change, but having witnessed the inflexibility of some younger faculty in contrast with the foresight and wisdom of past older faculty whose investment changed the course of institutional history, I have never viewed age as the defining criterion for relevance. In reality, I have no desire to “return to the good old days”; I have seen those struggles and would not want to relive them. I simply want us to learn what we can from those “old days” and bring that
learning to bear on current decision making.
Tell us about one moment in your professional career that has had a lasting impression on you and formed who you are today.
While I can recall many significant campus and student- or alumni-related “moments,” a combination of personal moments with two external figures has made the lasting difference in who I am as an educator: Kenneth Burke (poet/ music and social critic whose influential criticism spanned almost the entire 20th century) and Parker Palmer (noted writer and resource in higher education, whose work explores the Courage to Teach and ways of Healing the Heart of Democracy). Having studied the complex world of Burke’s literary and rhetorical criticism, and developed a conceptualization of undergraduate education as “Education for Personhood” based on that work (dissertation and publication), I benefited immensely from meeting and establishing a personal relationship with him. Similarly drawn to Parker Palmer’s understanding of education and responsible decision making, I attended two of his week-long summer writing retreats and assisted in bringing him to campus to meet with faculty and students. I have integrated these two foundational perspectives in my teaching—whether or not either of them is actually included in a course. They keep me grounded in exploring implications and the “So What?” of any learning, even as I try to practice Burke’s definition of education as “teacher and student on a voyage of discovery together.”
Tell our audience one thing about
yourself that not many others know. I rode a camel when I visited the pyramids in Egypt! But two little-known, serendipitous experiences speak to my life-long “languages” of German, music and rhetoric. In a month-long performance tour, I sang in many of Europe’s major concert halls with the Miami of Ohio choir (my husband’s alma mater) and Cincinnati Orchestra, performing Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony in German (Max Rudolf conducting) and Dave Brubeck’s Light in the Wilderness, starring Dave Brubeck at the piano in every performance (Erich Kunzel conducting).
Many years later, I heard Andrew Young, close friend of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and member of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, give a keynote address to hundreds at a National Communication Association Convention in San Antonio. He recounted his deliberations with Dr. King and their challenges in the face of the 1964 riots that rocked the nation’s cities. He talked about Rochester, NY, where he had preached and met with city and church leaders in the aftermath of the city’s rioting and looting. After his address, I waited and talked with him about my connection with Rochester and Central Presbyterian Church, where he had preached—and where Frederick Douglass’ and Susan B. Anthony’s funeral services were held. The Rev. Young sent me a copy of his unpublished, hand-type-written, moving and thought-provoking 1964 sermon, which I have treasured and continue to analyze rhetorically.
How have you been able to sustain such a long and rewarding career?
“Above all, I try to emphasize connections between assumptions we make about one another and our communication practices. If we believe all human beings are “created equal,” does our language reflect and communicate that assumption?”
I cannot count the number of times I’ve been asked: When are you going to retire? Why are you still working ... teaching ... taking on more responsibilities? Are you planning to quit soon?—possibly wishful thinking. Each time, I ask myself the same questions and wonder why I am such a slow learner that I do not have a satisfactory answer! I did decide a number of years ago that the answer will be clear the day I walk into classes at the beginning the semester and conclude: I am no longer energized by students; I don’t want to do this anymore. So far, despite the hesitancy I may experience before the academic year begins, something changes when I enter the classroom and invite students into a new world of possibilities.
When you began your career many years ago, did you ever imagine that you would have a leadership role in this profession?
Almost all of what might be called my “leadership” roles has simply involved responding to a need, envisioning possibilities or stepping up to the plate if I felt I had something to offer. I have encountered very few people who, 10-50 years later, are doing what they planned to do at age 21. Life is far too complicated and unpredictable! Same with me. Yes, teaching (the acceptable alternative to nursing or secretarial work, and not the totally unacceptable acting or law in which I was also interested) has remained a constant in my career. But I never could have imagined becoming a “professor” and expanding my interest in foreign languages to study metaperspectival questions related to what it means to be a communicating human being. We are who we are by virtue
of language! The implications of that study are endlessly fascinating—and important!
What gives you strength, especially during such trying times in our world today?
I really don’t know. I remind myself that “now” is never an isolated moment. “Today,” the present moment, contains simultaneously the past (individual and collective memory) and the future (individual and collective imagination) as we consider how we approach the next moments. I have not yet been able to give up on possibilities for students and Roberts, and I want to believe there is hope for what may seem like “the worst of times” both globally and within our fraught national and interpersonal relationships. I do know that my academic field of rhetorical studies offers muchneeded insight as well as practical ways of approaching our differences in order to discover transcendent connectedness
What does it mean to be a female leader in today’s world?
My initial response is that the fundamental principles of working with people in any position are not sex or gender dependent, and the practice of those principles should constitute the norm in our working relationships: e.g., character, civility, conversation. At the same time, I recognize the naiveté of such a statement. We live in a culture in which questioning those “in charge” is the norm, and it is tempting to become defensive when questioned. No longer functioning on the obvious margins, women who may finally be “arriving” feel the added pressure to prove they deserve what they have achieved. How does one handle
that pressure in workplaces that may still not feel safe or fundamentally “equal”? How does one raise legitimate questions without being negatively labeled and dismissed? How do we modify our language to convey confidence versus hesitancy and apology? How do we address the assumption that women are “all about feeling”? What can those in leadership positions do to ensure opportunities, safety and support? These are some of the questions with which we must wrestle.
What are some of the most important communication skills you teach to your students today?
Clarity of thought and expression, need for face-to-face extended conversation, understanding of ethical persuasion— these begin what could be a long list of particulars. Above all, I try to emphasize connections between assumptions we make about one another and our communication practices. If we believe all human beings are “created equal,” does our language reflect and communicate that assumption? Or is our language “loaded” with ever-so-subtle namecalling, condescension or deceit? Are we listening just long enough to be able to judge, dismiss or argue? Or are we listening in order to understand and learn from the other’s perspective? Do we remain bound to the screens that keep us at comfortable distances from genuine interaction and face-to-face compassion? Or do we recognize the ultimate dangers of our self-protective isolation from the human communion we most crave?
Have you drawn professional inspiration from other women? Who are they?
“I have encountered very few people who, 10-50 years later, are doing what they planned to do at age 21. Life is far too complicated and unpredictable! ”
INSPIRES
I deeply admire and respect many women for what they have been able to do and contribute to their professions: e.g., poet Maya Angelou, singer Emmylou Harris, journalist Gwen Ifill and many more. I’ll share a bit about two women I have known whose character and professional work continue to be a source of inspiration decades later: The late Elizabeth Gordon and the late Ora Sprague have stood the test of time. Elizabeth Gordon, at the time a highlevel female in heavily male-dominated Eastman Kodak, was in charge of personnel in the chemistry labs, which was a very large segment of Kodak in the 1970s and ’80s. She had trained in chemistry, but in her role, she dealt with hiring and personnel issues for Ph.D. chemists and all of the workers and staff in that branch of Kodak. She was an unassuming, soft-spoken, brilliant and highly respected facilitator who was not threatened by the overwhelmingly male, top-level employees and demonstrated the same appreciation and respect for every level of employee. Ora Sprague was a librarian at Roberts who started teaching math in 1934 and discovered 200 suitable books, so she gave up teaching, started building the collection, earned a B.S. in library science in Syracuse and MLS from Columbia, and by 1951 had a 10,000-volume collection. She knew what was needed, and led the way to a state-of-the-art library with several staff and 50,000 volumes when she retired 20 years later. When
I was a student, her stern look could send anyone caught whispering in the library back into silence. Later, as a colleague and close friend, I delighted in her humor and ability to influence administrators and faculty; observed her love of students and commitment to her work; and witnessed her abiding faith. After she retired, she catalogued Billy Graham’s library in Montreat, NC, and spent months at a time in library development in Africa and India. Both
Today, there are many more female faculty and administrators than in the first half of my tenure, and there are opportunities for mentoring or being mentored. No organization today is immune to residues of past norms; just as on most other university campuses, we are far more cognizant of issues related to equality and safety, and any remaining differences tend to be much more subtle. There are now washers and dryers in all residence halls, and I am not aware of any curfews or dress codes!
of these women would claim they were just doing what needed to be done; both had immeasurable influence.
How has the environment changed for women at Roberts Wesleyan since you started?
As a student, I ironed shirts several hours a day in the college laundry that served only the men! Women, who were expected to find other ways to do their laundry, had curfews and dress codes. The world of higher education has come a long way in those regards.
As strange as it may seem, I have no specific plans for the immediate future as I continue to tend to administrative responsibilities and teaching. Time is a fascinating phenomenon. I had assumed leaving before now, but I have never had a “bucket list” or counted the years/months/ days “until I can retire and do what I want to do.” That is a blessing and a curse. I am not missing what a bucket contains, but I am also aware that at some point, I will not be where I have been hanging out professionally for almost 60 years. In the meantime
. . .
“I cannot count the number of times I’ve been asked: When are you going to retire? Why are you still working ... teaching ... taking on more responsibilities? Are you planning to quit soon?—possibly wishful thinking.”
Take the next step in your professional journey at Roberts Wesleyan University. Wherever you are, Roberts has degrees to help you achieve your goals. Develop the latest skills and strategies needed to advance your career. We offer programs that are:
Reach your career goals through applied programs that allow you to immediately put your learning into practice.
• Business Management, B.S. (12-24 months)
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• Literacy, M.Ed. (11-22 months)
• Special Education, M.Ed. (12-28 months)
• Health Administration, B.S. (12-24 months)
• Health Administration, M.S. (12-24 months)
• R.N. to B.S. (12-24 months)
• R.N. to M.S. (30 months)
• Nursing Education, M.S. (18-20 months)
• Nursing Leadership & Administration, M.S. (18-20 months)
• Family Nurse Practitioner, M.S. (36 months)
HUMANITIES
• Arts & Culture, A.S. (12-24 months) SOCIAL WORK
• Social Work, B.S.W. (15-17 months)
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It’s that time of the year when the dining room takes over tahe entire house with folding tables and chairs for friends and family to gather saying grace and expressing gratitude before indulging in their Thanksgiving feast. There’s always one big kid who wants to sit at the kids table. At the adult Thanksgiving table you can hear voices of laughter, telling jokes and heated debates on which team will win the football game. I had the privilege to sit down with a long time friend, career woman, mom and advocate Jennifer Santabarbara from Rotterdam, NY.
Tell us about your childhood and where you grew up?
I grew up in the Mont Pleasant area of Schenectady, NY with my mom, stepfather and two sisters and a brother being the oldest with the most responsibilities.
What challenge (s) have you overcome?
The first of many challenges I had to face was dealing with an alcoholic father. I was faced with decisions a child should not have to make such as do I need to call my mom for a ride. At a young age I became an advocate, involved with SADD Students Against Drunk Drivers. I’ve always tried to bring better awareness and watch out for family and friends.
Tell us about your life before your traumatic experience of your life changing event?
At 18 years old while working at Blockbuster Video, I met the love of my life. We married and anticipated a picture perfect life with children.
At the age of 3 our son was diagnosed with autism. This became our most challenging moment. With his future
in question, our dreams for Michael became elusive. Normal things like going to the prom, college, and raising a family no longer mattered. Helping our son Michael became our only concern. We wished we could trade places with him as we didn’t want to see our sweet boy struggle to communicate. Knowing little about autism, we embarked on a research mission to find out as much information as possible to help our son and obtain the tools he needed. It should not be so hard to get the things that are needed for your child. Even with recommendation letters from our developmental physician, we were forced to fight for the required approval with Schenectady County through brutal, emotional meetings to receive services.
Since I would do anything for my child, I refused to settle for the bare minimum and denied services. I engaged in an exhaustive process to become his voice and fight and advocate for everything. I became a parent advocate and helped other parents. Michael’s preschool would refer me to other parents whose child was recently diagnosed with autism. The one thing that helps is to know you’re not alone on this journey. The more people and advocates you know the better information you have to know how to get the things your child needs. Michael was also diagnosed with ADHS, sensory disorder and later in teenage years, anxiety and OCD.
Memoriabl Moments: Michael has an interest in cooking. This surfaced at the Center of Discovery during a program in which he was helping make pizzas. To nurture his interest, they created a program to build his cooking skills. He has special knives made from plastic that allow him to do prep work. When
Michael started chopping and dicing he used to have very large chunks but with practice Michael can dice up onions and vegetables very well. He always needs someone close by for guidance and instruction.
After the first time Michael tied his shoe, the work that was done and practice with me and his occupational therapist makes you realize that we were so proud. Michael’s communication skills are still not where I would like them to be but he can communicate all of his wants and needs. Most times he chooses not to use his words but with encouragement he does use them. I do wish that he would communicate more verbally without prompting but we have learned to take one day at a time and enjoy all that Michael has accomplished.
Challenging Moments: Michael has impulses, sometimes related to his OCD, that he has to do something. Having to touch a red car at that moment is all he can think about. He is not thinking about safety, just the impulse that has to be done. So Michael will always keep you on your toes and you have to be with him at all times because when he gets in that moment he’s not thinking about all the things he’s learned before crossing the street etc,…
Michael had many meltdowns especially when he was younger. Every time he had to transition to go to a new place etc., it felt that it would have been easier to stay home where he was comfortable but it would not have been best for him. He had to get used to transitions. Even though a schedule is helpful for Michael, life happens and schedules change. We are a family and we do things together as a family.
When Michael was 4 or 5 we started trying to go to the movies together. We would start out all four of us in the movie then when it was too much I would take Michael to the car. When a new Disney movie came out we would try again. By the time we went to the movies, I would say 5 or 6 visits, he made it through the whole movie. It’s one of his favorite places to go but can’t forget his lemonade, popcorn and junior mints.
Our son Michael has changed all of our lives. My husband, who was a professional engineer, is now a NYS legislator who fights the rights of the disabled and is the voice of people without a voice in the capital. Our daughter Marianna is a swimmer and second year college student at SUNY Geneseo. She is studying to become a neurosurgeon. For myself, I turned into an advocate to help parents receive what they need for their children. My biggest blessing is my family, especially my beautiful children.
What does it mean to be a resilient woman?
No matter what challenges you come to face as long as your family is beside you, you can get through anything.
I stayed home with the kids when they were younger and put my career on hold and with Michael
diagnosis stayed home longer then I had planned. I was a loan officer at Sunmark Credit Union when I went on maternity leave. Once both kids were in school I started working part time only as I needed to be there for them. Then I worked at Mohonasen in the transportation department with special needs
A successful business woman, author, advocate and mom, Maya McNulty from Niskayuna, NY. Is the Founder of Covid Wellness, LLC., CEO of UpTheBiz Marketing & Branding Agency. She is an inspirational warrior who has worked with thousands of people for more than two decades creating opportunities for entrepreneurs as one of America’s most respected business branding strategists, marketer and international speaker. Maya’s been featured on ABC, NBC, CBS, Healthline, Eat This Not That, WebMD, Medscape, Herlife and many more. www. covidwellnessclinic. com
students as an aide on the bus and moved to working in the classroom with special needs students. During the last 6 years, I have just gotten back into the banking industry. Raising my family was my top priority, my career came 2nd. I am grateful for my family and my son Michael teaches me new things every day. I currently work for Key Bank as a Personal Banker. It is all about Community and Volunteering just like we do in our household. That’s why I enjoy working for Keybank.
Follow onr: Twitter: https://twitter.com/ mayamcnulty Linked In https:// www.linkedin.com/in/mayamcnulty/
“At the age of 3 our son was diagnosed with autism. This became our most challenging moment.”
Tell us a little bit about yourself and your background. Well, I grew up in a large and loving Italian American family in Rochester, NY. Only minutes away from virtually every family member I have, and unbeknownst to me, only about 5 minutes away from my future husband.
I spent a majority of my younger years with my two brothers, whom I adore to bits and pieces, and a pile of the best cousins a person could ask for.
Sunday’s were always spent at one of my grandparents’ houses for sauce. There was always enough to feed an army. From a mile away I could smell the olive oil, garlic, sauce, and meatballs. If I wasn’t with my family then I was reading books. Since I wanted to travel more than I was always able, books were a way for me to go everywhere with just a turn of the page.
After graduating from St. John Fisher College, I married Joe, who is my other half and the love of my life. Two years after we were married we had 3 babies in 30 months. For the last eight years I’ve been home raising these babies and I loved every minute of my time doing it. Being a mother is the most challenging and rewarding job I’ve ever had. I am convinced that if you can be home raising children and managing a household full time all day every day, you can do anything.
What made you decide to open your own business? Tell us a little about how you started and what made you choose the name RosabelGrace Travels?
Travel has always been a passion of mine. I’ve always tried to get multiple trips planned each year. Not all of them are far away and extravagant, but we’ve made it a point to have the girls see as much of the world as we can and we endeavor to show them a whole lot more of it in the coming years.
which is an amalgamation of our girls’ middle names… Rose, Isabel, and Grace. One component of my travel company is the chronicling and blogging/vlogging of our family travels. We travel the world and we can’t wait to bring you all along with us for the ride!
At a very young age my parents and grandparents have instilled a strong work ethic. I was taught that if you want something, YOU have to go get it. I’m fortunate that my passion can be a job, and that passion works hand in hand for my family and my clients, and that’s who I hustle for.
What has been your favorite place to travel
Both my husband and I have preferred to give them experiences and adventures instead of giving them ‘stuff’. I delight in reading, researching, and planning travel. I have been reading about and dreaming about traveling all over the world since I was a very little girl. I want to travel everywhere with my family, to know everything there is to know about the world and the industry and most of all I want to use my knowledge and desire to traverse the world to help my clients make their travel dreams a reality. I named my travel company RosabelGrace
I think my husband would agree with me when I say Kauai, Hawaii. Joe and I went there on our honeymoon and we loved it so much we went back to renew our wedding vows. Kauai is a lush, romantic, tropical paradise, and from the moment the plane doors open you can smell the raw natural beauty!
What is your favorite part of what you do?
Helping people. This is a customer service job, and like all customer service jobs there are tough parts, but in the end I get hyped planning vacations whether it’s for myself or my clients. So helping
them plan an awesome vacation is by far my favorite part of the job. I love chatting with my customers, getting to know them and understanding their vision. I love hearing about their experience when they get back.
If they went somewhere I haven’t, it just fuels my motivation to go there myself.
What is your specialty?
My specialty is in the research and the details. My appetite for reading is extensive. It’s not unusual for me to read a few books a week, I love to read for my own enjoyment and although I love to read fiction, nonfiction, historical fiction, biographies, I often put all that effort into reading about all the destinations my clients are interested in.
What’s the best business advice you have ever received and who gave it to you?
My father told me to always do what you say you’re going to do and if you can, do something unexpected of you for your client.
What’s the biggest factor that has helped you be successful?
My family and support system and my love of taking care of those around me, whether it’s my family or my clients. When I’m working I really focus on the ‘who’ and the ‘why’. I want to ensure
each client truly enjoys their experience. My motivation comes from hearing the excitement as they talk about their upcoming vacations. Certainly my heavy thirst for knowledge helps a lot too!
What have you found to be the most successful way of promotion for your business?
I would say word of mouth. When I think back to why I choose to do business with any company, it doesn’t matter if you’re buying a burger or calling a repair shop, usually it’s because someone I trusted recommended them. Like most though, word of mouth only gets one to the phone or the door, what really makes me want to work with a business are the people at the business. It’s important for me to know the business is trustworthy and is truly seeking to understand my needs. Anyone can text, email, post
and throw ads up on social media, but these days, there is still a large swath of people who want to make a personal connection with who they are doing business with.
My clients come from everywhere, social media, some have found my blog, advertisements and there’s always word of mouth. In all cases, once someone uses a Travel Agent one time and sees the value it brings, I end up with repeat customers and personal recommendations.
What made you start the business, and pace your 3 daughters as the face of it?
My family is always at the center of everything I do. It was really important to me that my girls are not only a part of this business, but fully involved. As we travel the world we’ll be chronicling our travel adventures to serve as advice and inspiration for our customers. And since my daughters are my inspiration, the name of the business is a statement that all 3 travel the world.
What would you say is your greatest professional accomplishment to date? Making the choice to venture outside my comfort zone and turn one of my most favorite hobbies into a profession. I’m not sure everyone always has the opportunity or is willing to take the
“I named my travel company RosabelGrace which is an amalgamation of our girls’ middle names… Rose, Isabel, and Grace.”
risk. I get a boost of energy collaborating with my clients planning all the nitty gritty details of an adventure.
What do you all do for fun?
In the summer we love swimming in our pool, at night we’re usually hanging around our fire pit in the backyard making smores. We all love any kind of adventure, watching movies, playing games and our girls keep us busy with their extracurriculars; swimming, soccer, theater, scouts, ice skating and more. We love our town and community, so we love attending local events, and supporting our local sports teams. We’re also so lucky to have a huge extended family and the best neighbors, so you can usually find us with familyand friends.
What have you found to be the biggest challenge since starting the business? There aren’t enough hours in the day. Going from full time mom and homemaker to full time mom and homemaker AND full time business owner was an adjustment for the entire family. I’ve had such amazing support from my husband and girls, so although it’s been a big adjustment for all of us, working as a team to see each day through helps since we’re all finding our balance.
What’s your favorite aspect of being an entrepreneur?
Whenever I’m researching a vacation destination for my customers, I use that as an opportunity to get a book from our local library or find a movie or video to share with my kids and teach them about other countries, cultures and languages. Also, this job requires you to advocate for your customers, so you need to be strong, assertive and confident. These are all characteristics my husband and I seek to instill in our daughters. My
kids get to see me industriously learning, working, training every day.
What’s the biggest challenge you have faced since starting your business and how did you overcome it?
Starting up is a huge challenge. It is information overload in the beginning. When getting into any industry these days you need to have an online presence. This requires a lot of time getting information up on the web, on all the social media platforms, branding, learning about SEO, algorithms, dealing with contracts, negotiation and all the while trying to strike some kind of balance with your home life. This all comes down to motivation, momentum and competition with yourself. If you stop and take a breath you can get caught up looking too far into the past or future and at the mountain you have and have yet to move which can seem daunting. It’s best to set and prioritize realistic goals for yourself each morning. If you seek to achieve those small incremental goals, after a week, a month, a year, you’ll find you’ve ventured far from where you originally set out from.
What is the number one business goal you plan to accomplish over the next year?
Whether it’s one or one million clients, sending each individual, family or group on the vacation, trip or adventure they’ve envisioned.
What advice would you give to someone just starting their own business?
Find something you enjoy, something you’re passionate about. Something that you wake up every morning excited to pursue, and not letting anything get in your way. Stop thinking of failure as the reason you can’t continue, but as a
success that you’ve discovered one way not to do it. Then keep going.
What keeps you awake at night?
Usually my husband snoring :). More seriously though, my mental list of ‘to do’s’ that is waiting for me, those ‘to do’s’ range from destinations to research, phone calls that need to be made, or how to deliver content on the internet in a meaningful way. Then of course there’s a laundry list of house chores, family parties and holidays, and extracurriculars too. The best way to overcome that is write it down on a list and let the paper remember it so you can sleep.
Whose career inspires you and why?
It’s tough to select just one career or one person that is an inspiration. I think it’s important to understand that everyone wakes up facing innumerable personal and professional hurdles and despite those hurdles, the fact that they’re showing face indicates they’re determined to soldier on. That, in and of itself, is inspiring.
Where will we see you next?
As we document our vacations and trips, you can come along for the ride by watching our YouTube Channel as we add content. We’d love to hear from our readers so like and comment and feel free to give us travel suggestions and advice from your own travel experiences as well! Our website has links to all of our social media pages.
What is one thing people don’t know about you?
I’m mostly an open book, what you see is what you get. Feel free to reach out and ask. You can find me on Facebook messenger, email or my webpage www. rosabelgrace.com. Thanks so much for the interview,
“Travel has always been a passion of mine. I’ve always tried to get multiple trips planned each year.”
BY DR PAM DENTON I PHOTO BY KL STORYOGRAPHY
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Training: Wellness Culture is an entrainment of new habits and beliefs and requires dedication and
emotionally, and physically FIT and aware of your wellness culture, especially mental health. There are so many sneaky toxic business challenges and when you are unfit you are potentially perpetuating an unfocused and unaware work environment that can leak toxicity into everything you do in business including, cash flow, team work, hiring, communication, sales and more.
With a FIT culture you are Focused on health, Intentional about health, and Training health into daily work life. You are perpetuating a culture that is sustainable and lifegiving and you are creating energy and life force into your operations. You are also creating the culture that attracts the right employees, a FIT culture will attract healthy, dedicated, and dynamic workers.
determination. Train a wellness coach, hold regular FIT training, and make health a part of everyday work life. There are rock solid ways to respect and honor everyBODY. For example, regular training for creating a positive mindset could fulfill your 2023 FIT intentions.
To be an effective leader in these rapidly changing and challenging times, you must choose to be mentally,
A FIT culture is a space where staff can process through daily work stressors with psychological safety. A psychologically safe communication space where you can stop and breathe deeply before answering a question and you are respected for your calmness. A psychologically safe culture where employees have the ability to show up fully transparent without fear of consequences that would affect self-image, status, or career and team members feel seen, heard, accepted, and respected.
People are used to and trained to accept: anger and aggression as a form of communication, coffee breaks and sugar loaded foods as a means to uplift energy, long seated meetings that stagnate and drain energy, alcoholic drinks that are a form of social connection, and late dinners that never digest well.
We need the FIT business culture now! Environments where people feel like they are getting stronger in the work environment, rather than beaten down by stress. A space where emotions are processed rather than stored. And a space where communication is fluid and healthy.
Commit to your FIT wellness culture in 2023 and watch the positive changes unfold, this could be the success you are looking for in the midst of your stress and challenges. Health and fitness can be integrative and it does not need to be left out of your work life.
Consider this cultural change: What if your business made it a priority to bring movement into daily work life as an integral part of work-life? Make movement of lifeforce and positive energy within the
workplace a constant and consistent application.
Statements such as the following could become a norm:
“Let’s go for a walk and talk about it.”
back to this tomorrow.”
“Let’s get up and move for a moment before we make this big decision.”
“Shake it off! And then let’s talk!”
These statements are productive and empowering and they produce revenue generating focus. They are part of everyday upleveling culture and communication and they instill core values.
Are you in?
Positive Evolution
Consulting helps businesses become stronger than stress by creating the FIT Wellness Culture. We help you decide a starting point for making wellness a priority. Whether it is our BreatheFIT program or another wellness strategy our company has over 30 years of experience in health and fitness and we can help guide your process.
www.
positiveevolutionconsulting. com
“How about we breathe through it?”
“Want to process this first with some deep breathing?”
“Have you felt into that decision with breathing, what does your gut say?”
“Meditate on it and we will circle
“Let’s get up and move for a moment before we make this big decision.”
BY AMY BLISS
I spend A LOT of time talking to men about the things they are allowed to be, do or feel as a man and those things they are not. When the topic of emotions comes up, there are only 2 that consistently fall into the “allowed” or “supposed to” category: happy and angry. Sad is a distant third. Though that one is only in very specific circumstances (death of a loved one, a tough break-up, his team losing the championship game…) and only for a prescribed, often very short period of time, after which he needs to get over it and “man up.”
If emotions are like the 88 keys of a keyboard, most women are playing concertos and men are playing chopsticks, on an out of tune piano, with many broken keys. This isn’t because men don’t feel. Rather, the vast majority of men have spent a lifetime being told, shown or scorned into what they are supposed to and not supposed to feel. And as you see that list is VERY short.
So what happens to the other 86 keys? Men feel. They absolutely do. Even if they can’t identify or give language to WHAT they are feeling. It’s there. However, what they have been told their whole lives is that they shouldn’t EXPRESS it. Be stoic. Shove it down. Be a rock. Man up. Don’t be a sissy.
Here’s the problem, ignoring emotions, shoving them all down, doesn’t make them go away. They have to go somewhere, eventually. And where do they go? Into one of the emotions they are allowed
to express. And it isn’t happy. Grief, frustration, anxiety, hurt, fear, helplessness, resentment, embarrassment, loneliness, guilt…it all gets channeled into anger.
It is no accident that we live in the violent society that we do. When we tell men to shove everything down and keep it all bottled up, when it all comes back up, it often does so in an explosive way,
other women in your life. I’d hazard to guess the majority will tell you they fear men’s anger and violence. That a man will hurt or kill her. And the violence against women statistics give that fear a strong basis in fact.
On the flip side, if it doesn’t come back up as violence, rage and anger, it gets turned inward.
Here are some scary statistics: Men are 30% more likely to suffer a stroke and 2 times more likely to have a heart attack. Men are 1.6 times more likely to struggle with addiction. And 3.8 times more likely to commit suicide.
harming himself or those around him.
While we will often say anger is not the answer and solves very little, we tend to accept it in men and sadly, have come to expect it. And fear it. There is a saying, “Men fear women will laugh at them. Women fear men will kill them.” Let that sink in. What a VAST difference. And yet, it is confirmed over and over again. You might even be thinking, “yeah, I have that fear.” And if you don’t, ask the
Now, I’m not saying that these are all simply because we don’t give men language for emotion or permission to express, but there is so much stress that results from not being allowed either of these. And stress levels play a huge part in all of these statistics. Add to this that there is an exorbitant amount of stigma attached to men seeking help from a mental health professional, exponentially so in the Black and Latino communities.
We are putting men in a no-win situation: let it come back up in an explosive way or keep it shoved down so far it results in disease and/or self-harm. And it doesn’t have to be this way. If there is a man or boy in your life that struggles with anger, it is safe to talk about it and he wants to work on it, there are things you can do to help. However, do not do this
in the moment! Let the situation cool down to where he can have a rational conversation without further fueling his anger or him feeling like he’s being attacked or criticized.
If you’ve been following me, you’ve heard me talk about this idea that we haven’t given men language for emotions. I’m fairly certain that if you think about the situations in which the men or boys in your life get angry, for a good majority of them, anger is really not the appropriate response. But if you ask him what he is feeling in the moment, he will likely say “I’m angry!” This is because he doesn’t have language for many of the other emotions. The stricter his upbringing, the less language he will have.
First ask, “what happened immediately before you felt angry?” When he tells you, without judgment, condescension or cynicism, ask him, intellectually what does he think the appropriate or reasonable response would be to that event. (This is the main reason why it’s important to wait until the situation has cooled or that question will not go over well!)
If someone cut him off on the highway? Anger is probably the appropriate response. If your child brought home a less than stellar report card? That’s more likely disappointment. If friendly ribbing hit too close to home or someone outs him in some way? Maybe that’s embarrassment.
Having these more intellectual conversations, when he is calm, will allow him to start to unwind anger. To see what the underlying true emotion
was that was masked as anger. You can take it a step further and ask where in his body he felt sensation while he was “angry.” If his hands clenched, that’s likely anger. If it’s a heaviness in his chest, feeling like he was kicked in the gut, or a sinking feeling, these are more likely hurt, disappointment, embarrassment, sadness… This begins the process of giving him language for emotions. The next step is the be a safe space for him to express these newly realized emotions in the appropriate way. Remember, while this is all second nature to you, it is largely new to him. Give him grace and patience. He’s gonna fuck it up. Until he doesn’t. And your relationship will be all the better for it!
IMPORTANT: PLEASE DO NOT attempt this if his anger is largely directed towards you and/or if he is physically, psychologically, verbally or emotionally abusive. If the former, he should seek outside help. If the latter, please get the help you need to be safe. There are so many amazing resources available.
and other articles are written from a binary and usually heterosexual perspective, not to be exclusionary, but rather because our conditioning is binary. It starts with the proclamation “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!” Other ways of being generally show up well after these statements and long into the conditioning. The other reason is that non-binary, non-hetero identifying people tend to be much further along in the process of undoing conditioning than those who identify as binary and/or hetero.
Amy Bliss, JD, MBA, is the founder of The Warrior cOre, which offers coaching, workshops, men’s groups and retreats to help men identify and shed the conditioning from family, society, religion, educational systems and culture, of what a man is “supposed to be” and learn to live as the humans they are, independent of these constraints. Please visit our website (thewarriorcore.com) or schedule a Discovery Call (https:// amybliss.as.me/).
NOTE: To all non-binary readers – this
“If emotions are like the 88 keys of a keyboard, most women are playing concertos and men are playing chopsticks, on an out of tune piano, with many broken keys.”
THE
Today’s interview will be a perfect setup for the season that is almost upon us. A season where the cold is just beginning to set in. The bright colors of fall are washing away, turning the scenery into a barren and gray background.
A perfect time to curl up by a nice fire and enjoy a good movie! Perhaps even a scary movie, to put us in the mood for the season.
I know for a fact that our guest, Tom Ryan, knows a couple of great movies for such an occasion! Especially since he directed them!
But before we get into the movies Tom has directed, let’s get a behind the scenes look at a director’s life and the path that led him to that career.
Tammy: Tom, thank you so much for doing this interview for us! I am so excited to share you with our readers! Let’s start off with the very beginning. While growing up, what sort of movies captured your attention?
Tom: 1950s science fiction, Universal monster movies, and classic fantasy films were the kind of cinema that appealed to my young imagination.
Tammy: Aw yes, the classics. You can never go wrong with them! It’s how I started my boys out in getting to know creature features and then advance into the horror genre.
When did you start wondering about the movie magic? Was there a particular movie that really made you wonder how they made it?
Tom: I was a huge fan of stop-motion. I guess it’s because it was essentially an adult playing with toys and I could relate to that. It was movies like King Kong, Jason & the Argonauts and the Adventures of Sinbad that really started to spark my interest and I wanted to know how it was all done. I remember watching the making of Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back and being absolutely blown away by the creativity that was taking place behind the scenes. The models, the blue screen, the fireworks, all of it was incredibly inspiring and groundbreaking at the time and, for the first time in my life, I didn’t want to just watch movies. I wanted to make them too.
Tammy: I actually loved the Adventures
of Sinbad too!!! However, I was a bit more naïve, didn’t have a clue to how they did it, just loved the effect. And as for Star Wars? I didn’t want to see the behind scenes because it was so magical for that time. It took us places we had never been before! But I can definitely see if you were already curious about how things were made, that one being a great inspiration!
While others were following actors and actresses’ careers, were there directors that caught your attention instead?
Tom: Honestly at the time I didn’t pay much attention to who was at the helm of my favorite films. I did, however, know who Ray Harryhausen was. I knew Rick Baker, Tom Savini, Steve Johnson and a slew of other effects artists because to me, those were the guys making the movie magic. But when I did start paying attention, I discovered Spielberg, Lucas, Landis, Dante, Barker, Craven, Cronenberg, Scott, Miller and an endless list of others. They all caught my attention and made me realize I needed to direct in order to bring my visions to life.
Tammy: I love that you wanted a handson experience! Most people go through life expecting others to do for them. It has to be so self-gratifying that you accomplished what you wanted!
When did you decide it was time for you to test the waters of directing?
Tom: I’ve been directing since I was a young boy playing in the streets of Jersey City. My friends and I were frequently discussing our favorite movies and would often re-enact scenes from those movies in our backyards. Those re-enactments would morph into our own stories and, of course, there I was telling everyone what to say, where to stand, and offering plot twists for our make-believe sessions. I officially earned my first credit as a director in my low budget indie release “Day 9” in 2012.
Tammy:Wow, how creative all of you were! I know with our time line, that was before major video games, so it was common to be out and about with your friends. But you took it to a whole new level that must have been so much fun!
Did you find yourself pursuing a certain genre, or does the genre really matter? Perhaps a story speaks to you no matter what the genre is?
Tom: I’m a fan of all genres. I simply love great storytelling. With that said, I tend to gravitate towards horror and science fiction because those genres allow me to stretch my creative muscles and explore subject matter outside of the realm of the real world. The escapism is what’s most appealing to me in movies.
Tammy: I agree. In fact, my take on the horror and science fiction genre is that it seems to be not only more forgiving per se, but you also get to sprinkle in other genres. Such as comedy or romance.
Whereas if you are watching a comedy or romance, that’s all there is. However, in the horror genre, one minute you can be in love, the next joking who will be killed and then the pure rush of, like you said, escapism!
When you decide on a story to direct, what are the first things you think about in the story? Is it the characters, maybe what type of actors or actresses you may wish to use? Or is it the location? Perhaps it’s the special effects that the story may require? Is there a method to your madness per se?
Tom: There has to be something relatable and intriguing in the story for me to pursue it. I love to explore the human condition and the impact that our flaws, as well as our strengths, have on our lives and the lives of our loved ones. That’s where the actors come in. I usually begin the writing process clear of any preconceptions about who my leads will be. As I delve deeper into the characters, I begin the casting process. Who have I worked with or would like to work with who embodies this character? In most cases, I develop a wish list of actors early on. In other cases, I will audition hopefuls. Regarding locations, they too are like characters to me. They must stand out, be memorable and particular to the story.
Tammy: That’s what I really like about your movies! You can tell you put a lot of thought into your characters and the locations. In fact, they flawlessly go together! Too often, you’ll see an Indie film cast someone, perhaps in hopes they will carry the movie, only to not match up the proper location. Even to
the untrained eye, it sets the wrong tone. Now we get to talk about all the fabulous films you have directed! Please tell us about your films.
Tom: My films are all very dear to me and I sincerely enjoyed making every single one of them. As much as they revolve around a world of death, demise and eerie twist endings, the real power in our stories is the character study. The movies have most certainly benefitted from the incredible performances of an array of independent film talents I had the pleasure of working with. We take pride in delivering high-quality entertainment on a shoe-string budget.
Tammy: That you do, I’m always so excited to hear you have another one coming out!
Knowing you, I can only imagine the fun you have on set! What are your thoughts about having fun while you film? Ever think of doing a blooper for fun?
Tom: I always say that if you’re not having fun while making a movie, you’re making movies with the wrong people. In the earliest days of pre-production, I try to encourage camaraderie among the cast members and crew. From tablereads to Facebook group pages, we begin to get familiar with each other. By the time we get to set, there is a buzz, and excitement about finally getting to work together. That kind of energy makes our sets very comfortable and feels like a family gathering. We share jokes, bust chops, actors flub lines and we enjoy every minute of it. The process has to be enjoyable or else it starts to feel like
“I was a huge fan of stop-motion. I guess it’s because it was essentially an adult playing with toys and I could relate to that.”
I only cut together one blooper reel for my very first short film “Day 9”. It was almost as much work as cutting together the full film, so it was the last time I did it.
Tammy: You know, I never really thought about the extra hard work that must go into a blooper reel. We take so many things for granted when we sit and watch a movie! And to be perfectly honest, I like watching blooper reels for other genres but now that I think about it - I really don’t care for ones in the horror genre because it tends to take away the mood you have set. But I have heard, from ones on your set, how much they truly enjoy doing a film with you!
Recently you had some exciting news about one of your films being overseas! Which one is that and what’s happening with it?
Tom: “Splinter” just enjoyed its UK premiere at Frightfest. It was an honor to be among some of the best new independent films like “Piggy”, “Fall”, and “Terrifier 2”. “Splinter” is part of our new feature-film anthology “Return to The Theatre of Terror” and our team is very excited to see it alongside some of the other creepy new stories we’ve developed.
Tammy:That’s amazing! I was so excited for you when I saw that! And I love that you brought back Theatre of Terror, I can wait to see the new stories for it! When you have finished directing a film, what are your feelings? Of course, I’m sure a satisfaction of accomplishment, no doubt. And of course, a bit of sadness, having a bond with the story as well as with all of those who helped bring it to life.
What I’m curious about is, do you like the afterglow with the promoting and such? Or, are you already thinking about your next project and anxious to get back to directing?
Tom: Let me first say that I have more involvement in my films than an average director. I am usually the head-writer, the producer, the casting director, the location scout, the editor, the VFX artist, the marketing department, the sales agent and whatever else I need to be to see the film through to completion. Now to address the question specifically; after filming, the excitement to edit our footage begins. That part is a lot of fun because now I’m piecing together our scenes and the vision is coming to life right before my eyes. When that’s done and the sound mixing begins, I arrange the cast and crew screening so everyone who invested time and energy into the project can see the finished product. I think that’s when a bit of sadness starts to creep in. I do develop some great friendships with both cast and crew members and it’s hard to accept that particular journey is over. The bright side is that there is always another one on the horizon.
Tammy:Again, I am humbled by all that you do! Who knew? Call me a blonde, which I am, but I just visualize a director sitting behind the camera with someone bringing them a coffee. Lol! I am so happy that you explained how much more there is to it! I’m sure you probably even left some out! Certainly, gives us more respect to what goes on behind the scenes!
This last question I usually ask is if there is anyone you want to do a shout out for helping you? I’m going to let you
off the hook because we all know how grateful you always are and there are so many you always give credit to! I know it takes a small village when it comes to raising your “dreams” but in your case, it seems like you have an entire city who is always willing to help you!
Would it be safe to say that our readers can easily see your shout outs in the credits of your awesome movies? And while we’re at it, do you have a website where everyone can easily see your work?
Tom: There are so many wonderful people in my life who have helped make these pictures a reality. I would love to shout them all out here and now but that would be risking forgetting someone. They are financial donors, city administrators, home-owners, close friends, friends of friends, and the list goes on. They all make the credits and most of them make my website in the “cast & crew” section. You can find us at www.theatreofterror.net.
Tammy: Awesome! Thank you, Tom, there are so many more questions I could continue to ask but since you have exciting projects yet to come - perhaps we can do another interview later?
I’m telling you, Tom Ryan is going to become a household name! Once you experience a taste of his true talent, you will want to follow his career to so many successful avenues that are on the horizon!
Until then Tom, we wish you the very best! And for now, I guess we can say “it’s a wrap” …meaning it’s time to go home and watch Tom’s movies, enjoy!
“I’ve been directing since I was a young boy playing in the streets of Jersey City. My friends and I were frequently discussing our favorite movies and would often re-enact scenes from those movies in our backyards.”
Raising Duchenne Awareness and changing the Duchenne Landscape for the younger generation is a family affair.
This month I like to introduce the Rochester Woman Online community to my daughter Kathryn Piacentino; her platform to raise awareness for Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy is through Marathon running under The Race to End Duchenne Program with Parent Project Muscular Dystrophy (PPMD). I often wonder how on earth did my daughter become a marathon runner? Running is not something I enjoy at all! I found running extremely painful and got no joy or satisfaction from it. However, my 32-yearold daughter truly enjoys it. I had a chance to interview her about her efforts.
What made you get into Marathon running? My brother, Jonathan, was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, and throughout my life, my family has supported Parent Project Muscular Dystrophy in various ways. As my brother and I got older, it became more apparent how differently we lived. When we were both in our 20s, I noticed his physical ability and mobility declining. He could no longer lift his hand/arm to eat an apple without the help of the table, he was using a powerchair more frequently, and he was no
longer standing without assistance. I looked at myself, a healthy, fully able individual, and asked, “what are you doing? your body, health, and life are a gift… embrace it.” I wanted to do something to get more involved and raise awareness. I wasn’t sure what to do or how to do it; I just knew I wanted to be a part of making a difference. I was living in Cincinnati, OH, which is home to a huge running community, and I
Accessibility. The world isn’t accessible, which is frustrating because there are so many extra steps that need to be taken, factors to consider, and significant monetary expenses to be able to do the same things as someone else. Whether traveling to a new city or going to trivia in your hometown, you must explore and plan for all possibilities.
Unfortunately, “handicap accessible” is not a universally inclusive term for the accessibility of all wheelchair users. It’s not just about getting through the front door; it’s the whole experience. But, just like anyone else, we as people can be our own barriers at times. If you know what you want, there is a way to get it and have the life you want. If something is challenging, complicated, or a path is unpaved, although it might not be easy, it’s not
knew PPMD had The Race To End Duchenne team, an opportunity to get involved by participating in runs/ races, so I signed up!
You and your brother live very different lives; what’s the one barrier you have witnessed preventing people like your brother from experiencing everything they can out of life?
The key word is “can”; people want different things, and I’ve learned that. I used to think my brother should be able to do everything I was able to do, but only recently I realized that he doesn’t want to do all the same things as I do. We have different interests because we’re other people. His attitude and perspective are different from mine. I think that if there is something you want to do, you can, will it be easy? Maybe not, but if the world hasn’t set you up yet,
you can change it; you can create a new path for yourself and others to help change the future landscape. There’s this belief at times that “I can’t do that” or “it’s not realistic” I’d love to see more people embrace a mindset of “it’s an opportunity” and empower each other to “figure out how to find a way” for change that could be so beneficial.
What’s your inspiration to keep running?
Running improves cardiovascular health, reduces stress, and strengthens lung capacity. Duchenne muscular dystrophy affects all muscles, the leading causes of death are a cardiac or pulmonary failure, and there is no cure yet. I keep running to raise awareness because your heart is a muscle too, and I want to keep my brother and all those with Duchenne beating longer.
As you run, what are you feeling and thinking about?
How unique an experience I am witnessing, how lucky I’m here, why I’m on the course, and my journey. I am soaking in everything, absolutely everything. It is 26.2 miles of pep talks and reflection. I go through just about every emotion and feeling imaginable, and sometimes, I have some great ideas :)
What was the first Marathon you ran?
My first full Marathon was the Chicago Marathon in 2018; trust me, I felt every step of the 26.2 miles. I wondered if I would ever finish. I wanted to quit; it was rainy, my stomach was in knots, and I questioned
The upcoming 2022 TCS New York City Marathon on Sunday, November 6th, will be lucky number seven! It will be my fourth time running The New York City Marathon. It is one of the world’s most significant and inspirational race events, attracting people from various countries, backgrounds, abilities, and journeys. People come together to all share the same course but have different experiences and stories.
everything about how I trained. I was so glad when I crossed the finish line and burst into tears. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to run another marathon, but conveniently I had also registered for the 2018 New York City Marathon. A short month later, I would be taking on the challenge again.
I love this race because the energy and magic of the city during race weekend are beyond compare. There is so much love and support throughout the city; it comes alive beautifully. You connect with everyone you meet, sharing stories with other runners and the support from spectators; it’s an instant bond and reinforces why I run. New York City and the race is full of tradition, nostalgia, and history; there’s so much pride and respect for the event, and it’s one of my absolute favorite experiences.
If you would like to help support my awareness efforts to End Duchenne and make a donation, please scan the ‘Race to End Duchenne’ QR code.
“I wonder how on earth did my daughter become a marathon runner? Running is not something I enjoy at all!”
BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO
Tell us about House of Bridal, and how it was created.
House of Bridal was created by two best friends since the third grade with the passion for fashion and helping others. We wanted to bring our hearts to an industry saturated with stress to help guide brides and make their journey easier.
What sets you apart from other bridal stores?
We pride ourselves on giving our brides the best experience possible, while bringing them unique and different gowns. We want their gown selection to match all different brides’ styles and personalities.
What range of styles do you stock?
Every bridal style for our brides is covered. House of Bridal caters to brides from the boho bride, the elegant classic bride, the romantic bride, the whimsical earthy bride, to the princess bride.
Who inspired you to start your own business?
We wanted to have our own stamp on the bridal industry. So many brides are looking to find that one dress that makes them feel like the bride they are meant to be and we want to help with that.
Who are your top 3 designers and why?
La Perle is a collection near and dear to our heart. With their eye for creating
a uniquely amazing wedding gown is simple one to none. Sophia Tolli Premier caters to the couture bride with the ability to make you feel on cloud nine at all times. Martin Thornburg is our designer who truly loves every BODY. He is so amazing at creating looks that are shown on
nearby shops. We purposely seeked out gowns that the bridal industry hasn’t seen before.
What makes you hustle as a female entrepreneur?
Our brides. We want our bride to walk away with less stress instead of more.
What are the Top 5 questions asked by brides in 2022?
1. What does this look like in nude?
2. Why does every dress have a v- neck line?
3. What if my measurements change?
4. Where do these dresses ship in from?
5. Do you have a fitted gown that I can still move in?
When should a bride start dress shopping?
plus size models in every collection. His life story that got him to the bridal industry is inspiring and admirable.
What would you say is the biggest difference between you and other bridal shops in the area?
Unique. We carry unique gowns that you are not going to see in the
We always advise more time is better but we also realize that some brides just don’t have time as an option. Some dresses can come in faster than others but these are questions we’d go over during the appointment.
So, what are the most important things to carry in a bridal boutique? All- inclusive sizing!!!
Do you offer alterations? We do not and you want to know
why? We are not tied to them so when we take your measurements we want you to walk away with as little as alterations as possible.
How knowledgeable is your staff?
Us founders are the only staff you’ll meet.
Name your number one bridal MUSTHAVE item. Undergarments!
Do you offer color options other than the traditional white, offwhite or champagne? What makes getting married in the 22 century is that brides have endless options when it comes to color, texture, and cut options.
What is your favorite bridal fabric?
We do not have a favorite fabric. All brides have different requests and it’s our goal to make sure we are knowledgeable on all fabrics and not biased to just one.
Where will we see House of Bridal next? We hope to have a House of Bridal in every state so we can bring calm,
stress free, memorable experiences to brides Nationwide.
will be remembered as one of the happiest days of their lives. We want our brides to feel like they are put on a pedestal when shopping for one of our dresses. Just as they will when they wear one of our gowns on their special day.
When you walk into House of Bridal you will be greeted by a genuine stylist with a kind hello and a warm welcome. Our single goal is to give you the best wedding dress shopping experience possible. It is our hope this commitment to amazing service will lead you to your dream wedding dress.
(585) 356-0548
isaidyes@houseofbridalllc. com
Www.houseofbridalllc.com
At House of Bridal, we specialize in creating a calming, stress-free atmosphere for every bride; on what
“We carry unique gowns that you are not going to see in the nearby shops. We purposely seek out gowns that the bridal industry hasn’t seen before.”
“House of Bridal caters to brides from the boho bride, the elegant classic bride, the romantic bride, the whimsical earthy bride, to the princess bride.”
There were very fine people on both sides, the 2020 election was stolen, January 6, 2021 was a tourist event and there was not enough parking. If the last of these comments is unfamiliar to you, you should read on.
the town of Henrietta seeking to annul the board’s decision on the grounds that the decision was arbitrary and an abuse of the board’s discretionary power.
community we live in!” In fact, the Court in its decision said that the board members’ personal opposition to abortion could not justify its action.
On June 22, 2022 during a Henrietta Town Board meeting, the Republican majority of the town board, after two public hearings, rejected a proposal to open a Planned Parenthood facility in Henrietta. The proposed site was in the Jefferson Plaza, across Jefferson Road from Southtown Plaza. The basis for the denial cited by that majority was a lack of parking and potential traffic congestion caused by emergency vehicles as a result of anticipated surgeries and an influx of out-of-state patients.
Much of the public opposition to the facility voiced at the public hearings was the result of opposition to abortion, beliefs also held, and recited, by the majority of the board in its decision. Planned Parenthood explained it performed no surgeries on site and provided several services in addition to chemical abortions; including contraception, breast exams, HIV testing, prevention, education and counseling, gender-affirming hormone care and other services.
Planned Parenthood filed suit against
On October 21st, the court ruled in favor of Planned Parenthood and sent the matter back to the Town Board and directed the board to issue the special use permit to Planned Parenthood. So far, no further appeals or proceedings have been taken. Absent that, the
permit will be granted.
Rochester Woman Online Magazine reached out to several people to try to get some feedback on the issue. We asked Town Board member Millie Sefranek, who voted to approve the proposal what she thought might happen. She said she really had no idea what the three town board members would do, but also said “You have to follow the rules, that is what we signed up for, making good honest decisions that reflect the
RWO expanded its reach to other community members in various circumstances. Each of these people agreed Planned Parenthood is a necessity for the community. Rob Barley, past town board member, believes no one person or group of people has the right to tell others what they can or cannot do with their body. Rob has nine brothers and sisters and would not choose abortion as an option. He also has a daughter, granddaughters and nieces, he wants them to have access to health care when and where they need it and at their own discretion. Rob made another observation; some want to force birth on people but are not willing to support the parent or child after that. He questioned what will happen if abortion becomes illegal or towns refuse to allow entities like Planned Parenthood to operate.
Another person willing to sit down with RWO was Kate Jarvis. Kate is married and has 6 children. She works as a registered nurse at a local hospital. Her concern was the scarcity of healthcare not only in Rochester but countrywide. Kate knows firsthand exactly how shorthanded the medical community
is right now. “The medical system was fragile before COVID, COVID hit and it became overwhelmed!” she said. Many medical professionals left their profession for a variety of legitimate reasons, including the stress of hospital work. Some nurses went to work in private medical practices to avoid that hospital stress and exposure to COVID and its effect on them and their patients.
Kate talked about the importance of having an additional healthcare resource in her suburban community. She shared a story about her own daughter who attends college out of state. Her daughter needed emergency medical services. Kates told her to find a local Planned Parenthood, knowing her daughter would be welcomed. The daughter was given advice and a referral. While Kate spoke of health care generally and Planned Parenthood in particular, the subject of abortion was not broached. We mentioned that to Kate and she said she was more concerned with Planned Parenthood as a welcome additional healthcare resource for the community.
For a different perspective, we talked to a young woman, Javannah Davis. Javannah is the founder of WAVE WOMEN INC., a non-profit organization that supports
transgender/gender non-conforming people of color. Javannah said that the decision to make the transition and the actual transition itself can be difficult. It often happens that men who have started the process of becoming a woman go without healthcare because
and safe place for patients. According to Davis, Planned Parenthood is well versed in seeing a human being as a whole person and can address the issues of our transgender and gender nonconforming population in a safe and respectful way. The support provided by Planned Parenthood helps to avoid the perils of suicide, drug use and inflicted violence.
The action of the majority of the Henrietta Town Board members to promote an agenda over their obligation to the law was wrong and the recent court decision proved that. At the end of the day January 6, 2021 was an insurrection, the 2020 election was NOT stolen, white supremacists are not very fine people and there is plenty of parking in the plaza.
they struggle to find a provider. Lack of understanding the process or the training to implement it can be obstacles. So can outright bias. The transition must be closely monitored and requires counseling as a component as well. Planned Parenthood is a valuable ally
“RWO expanded its reach to other community members in various circumstances. Each of these people agreed Planned Parenthood is a necessity for the community.”
One of the biggest causes of stress during the holidays can be money. No matter how much we have saved and have budgeted, sometimes we still stress about it. This year especially, when the cost of everything seems to have skyrocketed, we should be increasingly conscious about how we are spending during this “most wonderful time of the year.” We want to avoid waking up one morning in January and realizing that we got swept up in the holiday spirit, overspent, and now have a pile of bills that might be challenging to pay back in a timely manner.
Here are some tips to help you navigate through your holiday expenditures!
Have a Spending Plan and Stick to It Its so easy to overspend on gifts for the holidays. But actually, if you keep track of your budget and expenditures, you are more likely to spend less than you have budgeted for. Make a list of your holiday expenditures from food, décor, travel, gifts, gift wrapping supplies, holiday greeting cards (and postage), etc. Pad it a little with a cushion for those unplanned expenses. Attach a dollar amount to each line item and stick to it. Make gift list with all those whom you want to buy gifts for and focus on how much you want to spend for each person. If the list is too long, think about where you can pare down. One of the easiest ways to cut down on your holiday expenditure is to cut down on the number of people for whom you purchase gifts. Bring your gift list with you on every shopping trip – you never know when you can grab a bargain!
Put a specific amount aside each pay period to cover your holiday costs. If you start saving early in the year, by the time December rolls around, you will have saved enough to have a more worry-free holiday. Open a separate savings account for your holiday fund and watch it grow!
That daily stop for coffee adds up! The dozen donuts every Saturday morning also adds up. Sometimes we spend money on non-essential items that don’t necessarily increase our quality of life. Cut down on some of those luxuries and discover how much you can save!
People love homemade gifts! If you are creative, there are an infinite number of presents you can make to add a personal touch to your gift-giving. From food items to home décor or clothing and jewelry, you can give truly special gifts this holiday season!
Smart shoppers plan ahead, shop early, compare prices, and never pay full price for anything. Keep an eye out for coupons and sales (both in-store and online). If you wait until the last minute, you might not get the items you want and you certainly might not get them at a good price. There are some great online tools that help you compare prices from the comfort of your home – check them out before you make purchases. The same goes for travel. You might not get a great fare if you wait to book travel two weeks before Christmas. Book early for the best rates!
The holidays are a great time to use those cards that offer rewards or points that will rack up fast with each purchase. Many credit cards offer extra points during this time of year, so take advantage of those offers while you can. These points can be used for travel, merchandise, and more. For example, The Summit is currently offering members who have a Platinum or Signature Visa Card up to three times the reward points on all purchases through December 31st*.
There’s enough to stress about during the holidays without adding financial worries into the equation. With some discipline and pre-planning, you can have a stress-free holiday, knowing that you have gotten the most bang for your buck and shopped smart.
* Membership eligibility required. Subject to credit approval. Must be 18 years of age or older to apply. 1. November 15 through December 31, 2022, Visa Signature® Credit Cards are eligible for 3X points and Visa® Platinum Cards are eligible for 2X points. Bonus points will be awarded on all purchases posted to account, November 15 through December 31, 2022. Points rewarded will be based on net purchases (sum of eligible purchase transactions minus returns and refunds) posted to your account at the close of each billing cycle.
Dawn Kellogg is the Public Relations and Community Engagement Specialist for The Summit Federal Credit Union.
I cannot believe we are in the last quarter of 2022. It flew by so quickly. The time to start planning for the new year is now. Don’t wait until the last minute to start thinking about what your business goals and objectives are for the upcoming year. Plan ahead so that you’re executing your goals at the start of January. Set some time aside to really evaluate where you are in business and where you want to be. This time of year is necessary to focus on a list of important year-end tasks designed to help you reflect on and learn from the past year, ensuring you’re well-prepared to continue leading your business in the coming year. End of year is a busy time for most business owners and entrepreneurs, so resetting your business plan and mindset is crucial.
Here are 7 strategies to help you reset your business plan and mindset for the coming year.
The first step would be to take a look at this years goals. Did you stay the course or deviate from the plan? It’s important to see where you are in your business, what has worked for you and what you need to improve on. Taking this time to reflect allows you to understand if you’re business is succeeding or failing. It allows you to get clearer and intentional on what you would like to accomplish for the upcoming year.
Now that you have reviewed your current year’s goals and analyzed your business, take a look at the industry
trends and growth. What’s new in your market? What as change? What added value can you offer your customers?
Use this information to start preparing and planning out how your business is going to operate to hit your objectives.
Be specific and spell out in concrete terms what you’re going to accomplish next year. The clearer you are the easier it will be to map out your goals. Practice SMART goal setting where your goals are strategic, measureable, attainable, realistic and time-bound with deadlines. This will allow you to truly measure your progress and plan for success.
As a busines owner you will have many things you want to accomplish and work on but you want to focus on your top three goals. Choosing a few thing to focus on will help you be more realistic and make your goals be more attainable.
Learn how to say NO. That’s right, understand what you can accomplish and what you can’t. Boundaries help establish connection among employees and team members which allow them to focus on their roles and respect those who are in a higher and lower position.
When you’re busy running your business and working with customers, and your team sometimes we forget to about what we want to accomplish on a personal level. Maybe you want to take a trip
this year, or remodel your kitchen, or try out that new dance class Be sure to set personal goals for next year as well and make it happen.
All year you have been working hard at your business and trying to balance life and work I am sure. So take some time to unwind and reset your mindset. By setting a positive mindset for the new year, you give yourself the upper hand. If you want to grow as an entrepreneur and a leader it;s important to transform your thinking that will allow you to change yourself and your life.
Working with Conversance Business Solutions to keep your plan updated is a smart choice. You want to ensure you update your plans periodically to address any legal and regulatory changes, as well as to make certain your company is continuing to make the choices necessary for success.
Conversance Business Solutions is a full-service administrative support, and consultancy firm, serving businesses from small to mid-size nationwide. Our team specializes in various virtual assistant services and onsite support tailored to meet each of our client’s needs. Whether we work as an extension of your team for one-time projects or long-term engagements, we bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be. We hope these tips were helpful. Get in touch with us today at 585-484-0038 or visit us online at www.conversance.biz to find out more about the ways in which our team can help you.
“The time to start planning for the new year is now. Don’t wait until the last minute to start thinking about what your business goals and objectives are for the upcoming year.”
Tell us about who Angel Bunce is, and how you started Flour City Insurance Company?
Growing up I was always told to plan for a successful life. Well, things didn’t always go as planned for me. I become a mother at 16 and growing into a successful business owner in my early thirties, didn’t come without challenges. Walking the stage to receive my diploma, with my two-year-old in the crowd cheering me on, set the foundation for my “I can achieve anything” attitude. Instead of college, I entered the workforce full-time in retail. I quickly gravitated to an office position which assisted in some muchneeded financial freedom for my little family. I even held a few positions within the healthcare industry before finding my true calling in Insurance Sales. I began my career with a very large well established Insurance Agency founded here in Rochester, NY. Although I loved it deeply, I became aware of the void for personalized service that big box organizations always struggled with. Not to mention, I’ve always pondered doing it myself on my own, so I put a plan together.
Walking away from my career in the spring of 2015, I used the skills and experience I’ve acquired over the years with local providers and in 2016, Flour City Insurance was born! It was a huge leap and I was terrified.
PHOTOS BY LUKE LAPORTALooking back at it all, my fear guided me to play it smart. I even decided to work part-time for a small used car dealership, which allowed me to see yet another angle of the necessity for better insurance services. Unfortunately (or fortunately), it distracted me from my overall goal and I decided to focus 100% of my time and effort on growing my new business.
me that I’m capable of anything I put my mind to. I worked from home for a year but had a satellite office I could use to meet clients in the heart of downtown Rochester. In March of 2018, I signed an extended lease at 1260 Scottsville Rd Suite 202A. Although I still had a few financial fears, I have committed to not looking back. And a few months later I hired my first employee who worked tirelessly to help me sell insurance and expand my book of business. I strive every day to be better than yesterday! Keeping the mindset that I will do this!
Flour City Insurance Agency specializes in both personal and commercial insurance. Teaching people about insurance and making sure their needs are met is very important to me and the main reason I do what I do! We offer Auto, Life, Home, and Business insurance.
What makes Flour City different from other insurance agencies?
As you can imagine, many doubted me. Heck, sometimes I doubted myself. I had people I expected to help push me forward, do nothing but drag me down to stifle my growth, purely for their gain. Trust me, I have seen it all.
Beyond my sacrifices and hard work, I owe a great deal of my success to a select few that kept me afloat by reminding
We treat our clients like our friends and family. We pride ourselves in providing top customer service.
My kids are what makes me hustle. I want to leave them a legacy and to know you can do whatever you dream of regardless of what others say or think of them.
“I feel minority businesses don’t get the same opportunities at times. I feel like we have to work extra harder just to prove ourselves in a maledominated industry.”
What has been the most challenging being a minority-owned woman’s business?
As a woman, we are stereotyped to be the one that has to put ourselves last. Especially being a mother where the expectations are we have to be available for school events, doctor appointments, socializing, etc. when comes to the kids. Having a work-life balance was the most challenging when I first started the business. The expectation of not only being a mother but a wife as well. Trying to maintain a two-income household as a new business owner and trying to get the business off the ground. I had to take on a full-time job for a year and so just to have a consistent income and sadly my business suffered.
How do you set yourself apart from your competition?
Flour City Insurance is a boutique insurance agency, I can shop around for the best prices for my clients. We treat our clients like our friends and family. You don’t have to call a 1-800 number to try and reach someone.
Why did you choose the name Flour City?
Before Rochester was known and Flower City, we were known as Flour City (in the 1800s Rochester NY became known as the Flour City, based on the numerous flour mills which were located along waterfalls on the Genesee)
I feel minority businesses don’t get the same opportunities at times. I feel like we have to work extra harder just to prove ourselves in a male-dominated
a disadvantage is harassment I get from men that’s acting as though they are shopping around for insurance quotes but awhile they are just using it as a way to ask out me on a date. Although I am flattered I take my business seriously. And it’s extremely inappropriate.
Have you found that clients are bothered, or that you have lost clients by you having tattoos?
My sleeve tattoo was something I pondered for a long time before starting. I originally stated it as a half sleeve because I was worried others would view it as unprofessional and not want to do business with me. After completing the half sleeve I decided that if others wanted to judge me for my very personal tattoo, I didn’t want to do business with them anyway. So I went ahead and finished my entire arm! The meaning behind my sleeve tattoo is a reflection of each of my children. Their birth month flowers and times of birth is displayed along with the senentiy prayer to remind me of strength.
What are the secrets to your success?
womanowned business?
Advantage as a women-owned business we are now getting recognition in today’s modern world. More opportunities are opening up for us. I would say
I’m not sure there are any secrets to success, you wake up and give your best each day. You have to want it and you have to take the steps needed to get there. It’s not going to fall in your lap.
What do you want to achieve next both personally and professionally?
I would say I would love to retire by
“Advantage as a women-owned business we are now getting recognition in today’s modern world. More opportunities are opening up for us.”
age 45. I would love for my business to be able to continue generating revenue without me being present. I want to grow my business to an enterprise level, so I can enjoy the fruits of my labor and enjoy life. I would love to move my family into our dream home!
How do you manage a family and being a lady boss?
The balance of family and being the boss lady I am is one I think I still struggle with, my brain never wants to shut off. But I make the most of it and do what I can.
What do you think helped you the most to make a career as a woman? What’s the biggest factor that has helped you be successful? What has helped me the most would be the support of my friends. There were a few that supported my decision in starting a new business. Some of them started a business around the same time as me which was inspiring.
What is one piece of advice you have received in your life that you want to pass on to our readers? Life and business are not always what you know, it is who you know!
As a female leader, what has been the most significant barrier in your career? Have you been confronted
The most significant barrier in my industry is getting insurance carriers to work with small independent agencies. It’s not about what you know it’s about who you know in the industry. To acquire more resources
events (due to covid shutdowns) and it took me a long time to regain my confidence to step back into them.
Do or did you have a woman leader as a mentor or are there specific women who inspired you and why?
I didn’t have any specific mentors but I was surrounded by several friends in the beginning that was also on the path to entrepreneurship and they provided guidance,
What plans do you have for Flour City Insurance Company?
My next goal for my business is to hire another producer within the next six months. My goal is to be semi-retired by the time I am 45. I would love to step away from my business and still make money for myself.
You are undoubtedly busy, how do you take care of yourself and maintain good mental health?
I go to the gym, get my hair and nails take time for myself to get pampered, treat myself to facials, manicures, and pedicures, and just have some R&R when I can.
What is one thing people don’t know about you?
and to be an added value to my customers.
What has been one mistake as a business owner that you have made along the way and what did you learn from it?
I stopped attending networking
I want to learn to fly a plane! I always stop over at Paul Rd and watch the planes come in and out. I love watching the choppers land. It makes me wonder how did we figure out how to make a machine fly. It’s so fascinating to me.
“My kids are what makes me hustle. I want to leave them a legacy and to know you can do whatever you dream of regardless of what others say or think of them.”
“I would say I would love to retire by age 45. I would love for my business to be able to continue generating revenue without me being present.”
Tell us a little bit about yourself and your background.
My name is La-Tefiah Dawson. I am 32 years old. I was born and raised in the city of Rochester. I graduated in 2008 from Imaging Information Technology at Edison Tech campus. I spent my early college and young adult years studying journalism and communication and working at various call centers. I rediscovered my passion for cooking and feeding others in 2013. During this time, I decided to enroll in the culinary program through REOC, which prompted me to move to Charlotte, North Carolina, in hopes of attending Johnson and Wales University to become a chef. Unexpected life events caused me to come back to Rochester. I worked where I was comfortable in call centers and doing customer service. Tragedy struck in 2014 when I lost my eldest sister while she was seven months pregnant.
Three years later, in 2017, I experienced early infant loss after giving birth to my firstborn son. After going through that and returning to work, I decided I wanted to own a catering company and use food as therapy; that’s when MommyandME was 1st conceived. Throughout this journey, God has blessed me with three more children, Ja’Miah (4yr), Jahaziel, who will be 2 in January, and Jeiel (6 months). During the day, I provide childcare and home school, and I love every minute of it. Being able to stay home with my children and provide a living for them has been
the biggest reward.
What made you decide to open your own business, and what is Momma & Me Food Therapy?
MommyandMe Food Therapy is an up-and-coming catering company in the City of Rochester. We cater to the specific individual needs of each customer with a particular focus on inner-city youth and their families. We all know there never seems to be enough time in the day for nutritious food preparation.
PostPartum packages, at least five days a week.
Our postpartum packages are especially for moms because knowing firsthand that it is not easy juggling having a new baby and life and making sure that we still eat and not only eat but eat nutritiously is extremely important. We also have lunch packages for families who may be in a rush.
Our children are not being fed properly in school, so I am providing a healthy, budget-friendly option.
Providing a life of endless possibilities for my children makes me hustle.
Leaving behind a legacy and making a mark in our city, doing the will of God, and spreading love.
That’s where MommyandMe Food Therapy comes into play.
We offer nutritionally sound meals which are made with fresh, handpicked ingredients which are home cooked with love. As convenient as fast food, the goal of my business is to be a ghost kitchen that provides a variety of breakfast, lunch, and dinner options that can be prepaid and picked up by ordering meals via phone, text, or online. We offer family-style meals, single orders, or holiday orders. I also provide meal prep and other packages, such as our
What type of food is your specialty?
Soul food, country-style breakfast and brunch. Because I am self-taught, I enjoy learning and making a variety of cuisine and dishes.
The entrepreneurial journey is not an easy one. It requires determination, time, hard work and leadership. What motives you and keeps you going?
First, my Faith motivates me. With God ALL things are possible! If He has given me the vision, he will help me achieve it and so much more.
Second, the vision for the latter years of
my life “work hard now to play harder later” my children are young now, so I would like to do the hard work and lay down a solid foundation so that in a few years I can enjoy them and enjoy life with them but not only that, to have something that they can calltheir own. I feel they will appreciate it on a different level because they have been with me every step of the way. 3rd My customer satisfaction!
What is your favorite part of what you do?
Not only seeing them happy and satisfied but seeing their soul smile as they taste and enjoy my cooking.
What’s the best business advice you have ever received and who was it from? Take your feelings and emotions out of it is something I had to learn along the way.
Why did you pick the food business? and how did you come up with the name Momma & Me Food Therapy?
I avoided it for long enough, but I can’t deny my gifts and the role I am supposed to play in my community.
and new entrepreneur?
Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me”. I pray every morning that I allow myself to be guided on the path set out for me and that I am obedient. Because I know there is no way that I can do it on my own, I sit back and see how I am doing it day after day, and it still amazes me.
If you could time travel back to day one of your startup and have 15min with your former self to communicate any lessons you’ve acquired with the intention of saving yourself mistakes and heart ache, what would you tell yourself?
Educate yourself, plan out every little detail, be organized, and be disciplined, especially with budgeting. Embrace the mistakes and make sure you learn from everyone.
What are your tips for growing your business?
Educate yourself, study the competition and connect with other business owners in your industry. Networking is key.
How do you stay motivated and find new customers?
What works for me is people tasting my dishes at various events and Word of mouth. What I am working on doing is getting out of my comfort zone, creating content, and building my social media.
What kind of person do you feel makes a successful female entrepreneur?
Confident, assertive, and strategic,
How do you juggle being a mother
Did you start the business on your own, or did you have help?
If you had help, who is your biggest supporter?
I started the business alone. It began with a Grand idea (dream) that is the ultimate end goal, but in doing research, I realized I had to start small and build my way up.
“The vision for the latter years of my life “work hard now to play harder later.”
“What works for me is people tasting my dishes at various events and word of mouth. What I am working on doing is getting out of my comfort zone, creating content, and building my social media”
What is the number one business goal you plan to accomplish over the next year?
Secure a location to operate a ghost kitchen.
How have your priorities changed since you first started?
My business is my main priority,
besides my children. When I first started, it was more of a hobby for me. I am now walking into this season where it is my primary focus, and I’m ready to give it 200%.
Where will we see you next?
Be on the lookout because you will hear the name MommyandMe all
around the city. We will be putting on our first annual community holiday dinner on 11/13/22. Our sauce line and recipe book will be released at the top of the new year. 2023 will be our breakout year!
“Educate yourself, study the competition and connect with other business owners in your industry. Networking is key.”
Tell us a little bit about yourself and your background. How did you get started in the field of esthetics?
I have been in the beauty industry for over 22 years. I obtained my cosmetology license at the age of 21. I have always had a passion for beauty. In my late 20’s I went back to school for my associate degree in business and worked in Human Resources for almost 10 years. I decided to go back to school for my esthetician license in 2015. As I started expanding my knowledge in skin care, the boom of microblading was just starting. There wasn’t as much information on the procedure as there is now. The trainings were very few and far between and the training that was offered, well the work was not up to par and very expensive. Me being a creative person I decided to invest in myself and research the procedure myself and teach myself how to microblade.
Tell us a little about how that started. Near the end of my HR career, I realized I was not happy with my job and I missed the creativity the beauty industry gave me. Still not sure which direction I wanted to go I started working in a high-end salon part-time while still working my full-time HR job and going to school at night to obtain my esthetician license.
Once I completed my esthetic License I came to a crossroads, either I was going to continue working corporate or I was going to take the leap of faith and work
for myself. Me leaving the security and safety net of my full-time job was the first step in opening my own business.
Hustling has always been a part of my life. Watching my mother work a full-time job and come home and take care of 4 kids and work her seamstress side job until 3 a.m. and my father who barely spoke English work two jobs just to make sure that we could live the American dream is one of many reasons
passion they can achieve their dreams.
What type of services do you provide and what do you feel sets you apart from your competition?
The services that I offer are Microblading, Microshading, PMU, Lip blush, eyeliner, and nano brows (brows done by machine) and I also provide PMU/Microblading Trainings.
why I hustle. I pride myself to say that I have always been a hard worker. I do not take anything for granted and I won’t settle for less. Hustling to me is knowing that I will not be able to achieve my goals without putting in the work. But if you ask me today what makes me hustle it would have to be my two kids, now that my kids are getting older it humbles me to know that my kids look up to me, they have seen every struggle and every accomplishment. My hustling has created a better future for them. They know that with hustle and
I believe what sets me apart is that many of the microblading artists in Rochester, New York, Ohio, Wisconsin, Missouri, and Florida are successful today because they have taken my trainings and I was a stepping stone to launching them into their careers. I truly have a passion for empowering women in both training and doing the procedure. My attention to detail and an artistic eye are just a couple of things that set me apart from the rest in both training and microblading.
Regardless of your reason for making an appointment, whether it’s due to improper eyebrow maintenance when you were younger or if you overcame your battle with cancer, my favorite part of the process is when I reveal the finished job and see their reaction. I want them to see the beauty of their eyes and creating that perfect eyebrow for them lets me bring out that inner
beauty and ensures that they walk out holding their head high.
Tell us about being the co-founder of Beauty Mark Brows, and what this business entailed.
Beauty Mark Brows started because there was a need for microblading trainings. When I started microblading there really weren’t many trainings available in the area. The available training was expensive and far and the work from the trainers was not up to the level that I wanted to learn. There were not even many YouTube videos like there are today.
We took that need and created Beauty Mark Brows and traveled to areas that we saw a need for. I helped build BMB from the ground up. Behind the scene, I did research to see the regulations for each state and obtained the proper permits to train in that area. I dealt with customer service and answered any questions potential students may have and signed up new students for the courses. I booked the space for the trainings and made sure that all the training supplies got to the proper locations. I created the training manuals and curriculum. I traveled to many states and was the actual instructor for the trainings and after the trainings, I provided continuous support and guidance after completion of the course.
After many years of partnership, I
had grown as an artist, instructor, and businesswoman and our direction on where we were going as a business were not matching up and it was time to go our separate ways.
what you bring.
What do you think helped you the most to make a career as a woman? What’s the biggest factor that has helped you be successful?
I think what helped me the most to make a career as a woman is not to give up and surround myself with people and friends that make me strive to be better. The business world is always evolving regardless of what your business is and it is important to remember to keep on educating yourself on what is new in your business and keeping up and ahead of the trends is important.
Name one female leader that has inspired you and why. There are so many female leaders that inspire me. Every woman has a story and when I read or hear a story of a strong female leader overcoming diversity and accomplishing greatness in their field it pushes me to overcome whatever obstacles I may be facing.
How do you find new clients?
What has been your biggest success?
Owning a business is not easy and you will have your challenges and you will doubt yourself and ask yourself if you made the right choice. When that moment comes that you want to give up….Don’t because that just means that you are ready for your breakthrough and you are entering that next level in our business. You have to Stay true to yourself and know your worth and
I obtain most of my clients through word of mouth and social media. My biggest success is doing what I love every day. Not many people can say that they love what they do and I do not take that for granted.
What kind of person do you feel makes a successful microblader?
“Owning a business is not easy and you will have your challenges and you will doubt yourself and ask yourself if you made the right choice.“
“Once I completed my esthetics license I came to a crossroads, either I was going to continue working corporate or I was going to take the leap of faith and work for myself. “
The kind of person that makes a successful Microblader is a person that listens to their clients and takes their time and pays attention to details.
I feel that you need passion and dedication. I am constantly reading and researching new microblading products and techniques to perfect my work. I still practice my microblading technique daily to perfect my work and be a successful Microblader. You never stop learning.
As a female leader, what has been the most significant barrier in your career?
As a female leader, the most significant barrier has been juggling being a single mother of two and keeping up with the demands of being a business owner.
You are undoubtedly busy, how do you take care of yourself and maintain good mental health? What do you do for fun?
For my mental health, I like to plan vacations and weekend trips it gives me something to forward to. Self-care is important, life and work can get hectic but it is important to stop and enjoy your family and loved ones.
What would you say is your greatest professional accomplishment to date?
I recently created my LLC and standing on my own and being the Sole owner of my business and seeing my vision become a reality is surreal.
What is the key to keeping long-term clientele, and having repeat business?
I still have clients that have supported me from day one. I believe the key to keeping my long-term clientele is listening to my clients, greeting them with a smile, and caring about my client. My long-term clients when come in it feel like I am catching up with an old friend. They trust my work and they can relax and update me on what’s new and exciting in their life.
What is the number one business goal you plan to accomplish over the next year?
I have a lot of big plans coming up for 2023 that I am super excited about. Maybe some new services or expanding my location. You will just have to stay tuned to see.
What is one thing people don’t know about you?
One thing that people don’t know about me is that I am shy. I still get nervous about meeting new people.
What is your favorite service to provide and why?
I love brows and being able to give my clients brows by microblading is my favorite service because it is crazy how life-changing a pair of good brows are. For mature clients, it makes them look 10 years younger, for young clients suffering from Trichotillomania it gives them more confidence and a little less anxiety, for my clients suffering from Alopecia or cancer it gives them something back that was taken from them. There are many reasons why women get this procedure and me just being a part
of their journey is amazing.
How long have you been training, and perfecting your techniques before opening your own business?
Before I opened my business I researched for about 6 months and I trained and practiced for about 3 months. I worked with friends and family in those first 3 months and then added microblading as one of my services and within the year microblading was the only service I offered because of the demand.
Tell us a little bit about yourself and your background?
I’m a native New Yorker born and raised in the Bronx NY my parents are from Puerto Rico. I have been married for 35 years to my husband Rene and have 2 son’s Robert (33) and Daniel (32) and an adorable Shitzu/ Havanese named Rocky.
I came to Rochester in 1981 to attend RIT and graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Travel and Tourism Management in 1986. At the time travel seemed like such a glamorous and exciting field. I worked in the travel industry for 33 years, the last 20-plus years as a Corporate Travel Consultant. Before the pandemic, I was working for a TMC as the VIP agent at Paychex. When my oldest son Robert decided he wanted to start a food truck business I was right there with him helping with the prep work, cooking, and administrative work. I managed the bookings and back office details involved with running the business while also working my full-time job.
I have always enjoyed cooking, feeding people, and bringing joy to people via food. While at work I felt joy in bringing in potluck meals and desserts to work.
What made you decide to open your own business? Tell us a little about how you started. After the pandemic, I spent a lot of time at home cooking and baking.
truck, but people were really enjoying what I made and I was reveling in the joy my baked goods were bringing
Being my own person, building my own business, and making something for myself makes me hustle. I’ve been a daughter, wife, and mother giving 100% of myself to others. Now I want to build something for myself! This is my hustle, I want to do this for myself.
Sweet Treats by Momma K is Love. It is my love of cooking, baking, and feeding others. It is joy, the joy it brings to others through my Sweet Treats.
Growing and improving my art is my favorite part of what I do. Challenging myself by trying things I’ve never done. And making others smile and feel good from the joy my desserts bring them.
My specialty is Macarons and my favorite cookies to make. My signature cookies are the Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies.
What’s the best business advice you have ever received?
The best business advice I’ve received is there is nothing you can’t fix.
What’s the biggest factor that has helped you be successful?
Overcoming my own fears! Telling myself I can do this and stick with it. Doing one thing at a time.
What have you found to be the most successful promotion for Momma K’s?
I have found that social media is a huge tool for growing my business. I use Instagram all the time to promote desserts and events.
How do you find new customers?
Most new customers have come by sharing my product and doing vendor events.
Where did you learn how to bake, and who was the first person who inspired you?
Growing up my grandmother, mother and other close relative were phenomenal cooks, but they were not bakers. Most of our cakes or desserts in the Bronx came from Valencia Bakery which is a popular bakery that is still around. I used to love walking into Valencia Bakery, the smell of sugar, and admiring all the beautiful cakes on display. My dad had a big sweet tooth, but we grew up with Entenmanns cakes or some dessert from the local bodega. Once I was off on my own I started making box mix desserts, and after I got married and had kids I would follow recipes
and all the repeat customers. This year I am blessed to have consistent weekly wholesale orders. I’ve catered weddings, graduations and corporate events. I was also one of the dessert caterers for a Chocolate Gala with Sweet Treats by Momma K.
What do you do for fun?
For fun I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. I also enjoy traveling.
What have you found to be the biggest challenge being an entrepreneur? My biggest challenge is time and space.
What is the key to having repeat business?
I feel the key to repeat business is #1 having a quality product, being trustworthy, and staying humble.
What is the number one business goal you plan to accomplish over the next year?
The number one business goal I plan to accomplish within the next year is to expand into a bigger kitchen. Being a home-baker I have very limited space to work with and it’s a constant challenge to be able to produce what I want to produce in the space I am currently working with. I would also like to be able to grow to the point where I can hire an assistant.
Where will we see you next?
I have several events lined up through the end of the year and if you visit the mini-makers event on 12/14th at the “Roc Holiday Village” you will find Sweet Treats by Momma k. I will be participating in Rochester Woman’s Online Magazine events
as well as Salco Events Christmas Extravaganza on 12/11th.
What is one thing people don’t know about you?
I have two things, first is I don’t like
to talk about myself and I don’t like to brag about myself.
Second- I have always wanted to own my own business and almost started my own travel agency back in the early
2000s but 911 happened and with all the changes in the travel industry
I realized it was not the right time.
“Being my own person, building my own business, and making something for myself makes me hustle.”
{ SHE
}
Tell us about Magnolia’s Formal wear, and how and why it was created.
Magnolias Formal Wear is located in Evans Mills, NY. Magnolias has over 700 gowns that you can rent or purchase for any occasion.
Magnolias Formal Wear was created because the owners moved in a town next to the military base.
Owner Adam Cobb, is a retired Army Veteran and he knew their was a need in our community to help with the military balls. Owner Shannon Thweatt former Miss Plus America 2019, has been in the pageant world since 2017 and always had a passions for helping others.
What sets you apart from other formal wear stores?
What sets Magnolia’s apart from other stores is that we allow renting. It takes the pressure off of buying an expensive gown and having it sit in their closets after or having to try to resale it. The customer picks up their gowns 3 days prior to the event and drops them off 3 days after the event.
What range of styles do you stock?
Magnolias carries lots of gowns ranging from size 0-24, children’s gowns, and bridal. Each gown is different and unique. We have several designer gowns.
Who inspired you to start your own business?
Several people helped inspired Magnolia’s. Both owners helped inspired each other to help make our dreams come true. Also a very good friend, Bonnie, not only helps us start our business, but she is also the person who suggested for us to start our formal wear business.
We are the only place locally that rents our gowns. We also accept dresses in exchange for a gift card that can be used for future purchases. We are also partnered with several organizations where we can donate gowns for those in need.
What makes you hustle as a female entrepreneur?
My family and our customers.I have always loved being able to help others and have their “Cinderella Moment”.
What are the Top 5 questions asked by women looking to purchase formalwear in 2022?
1.*How many dresses do you have in your shop?
2. *Do you carry plus size?
3. *What are the differences between the styles of dresses that you carry?
to carry and why?
Sydney’s Closet, Jovani, Sherry Hill. I love that these designers are size exclusive!
What would you say is the biggest difference between you and other formalwear shops in the area?
4. *I don’t know my size... how do I know what size I am?
5. * Do you offer a military discount? What has been the hardest challenge you have faced as a female entrepreneur?
The hardest thing I have had to face
s trying to let our clients know that we are here. It’s very hard running a ship out of your home and not having a store front. I feel like people miss out on some great deals just because we aren’t well known yet.
So, what are the most important things to carry in your boutique?
Gowns sizes 16 and up! It’s important to make sure everyone feels beautiful and that we carry sizes for everyone
What do you want to achieve next?
I hope to bring back pageants! I plan to have a pageant system where everyone is welcome. I will have prelims and a state pageant at the end of the year.
What are your tips for growing a company?
We have expanded our business by also doing craft fair where we have started doing glitter tattoos and fairy hair. We have used these fairs to also market our formal wear business as expanding into birthday parties
Name your number one formalwear MUST-HAVE item.
Our amazing seamstress! She is a must have for our shop and we could not do this without her
Did you have a strategy or plan in place prior to starting your business?
What tips would you suggest to
now have over 1,000 gowns.
The best advice we can give someone to start their own business would be to pace yourself within your financial means and sell your brand.
Who inspired you to own your own business and why?
Being in the pageant world I was giving an opportunity that I couldn’t passed up from a fellow business owner and friend. She is who helped inspired us to start our business.
Where will we see Magnolia’s Formalwear next?
In the future we hope to have our own store front and will start hosting our own pageants
Magnolia’s Formal Wear magnoliasformalwear@ yahoo.com
someone looking to start their own business/boutique?
Our network strategy is the key to our business. We started with 400 gowns and through networking we
“Magnolias Formal Wear was created because the owners moved in a town next to the military base. Owner Adam Cobb, is a retired Army Veteran and he knew their was a need in our community to help with the military balls.”
Tell us about yourself and your background?
I have a Masters degree in Social Work and I am currently employed as a senior caseworker with Monroe County.
What makes you hustle?
I try my hardest to ensure my photography is unique and captures all sides of Rochester.
What made you decide to go into photography, and what is your favorite thing to photograph?
I started out in photography has a hobby to give me something fun to do. My favorite thing to photograph is portraiture, cityscapes, as well as documenting various groups in Rochester who are trying to bring about social change. I photograph while I volunteer with Recovery All Ways (they help those struggling with addiction and homelessness). I have recently started photographing wildlife.
What would you say is the most rewarding part of owning your own photography business?
Getting to know and work with a large variety of people. Each situation is challenging and different. No two assignments are alike.
What is the one thing you wish you knew when you started taking photos?
Photography can be full of unknowns
and no one has all the answers. It is constantly evolving.
How did you get good at photography?
A lot of practice and studying the work of other photographers.
I do use Facebook and Instagram. It is hard to pick a favorite because both have the ability to reach a lot of people.
What has been your biggest hurdle to try and overcome since opening your business?
I really enjoy the art side of photography and I need to continue to develop skills in obtaining new clients.
What has been the best compliment you have ever received?
The I have a good eye to see things a lot of people might overlook.
What skills do you feel you posses that will make clients want to use your services?
I listen to their vision on how they would like their photos and try to fulfill that.
Tell us one thing most people don’t know about you.
I have a sense of adventure and like to take risks in exploring new places to photograph.
What gear do you use, and what lens is your favorite?
I have two Canon full-frame digital cameras. My favorite lens if the 70-200mm lens.
People who work hard to make a difference in the lives of others.
Do you use social media alot to promote your business? What is your favorite platform?
What kind of tools do you use for post-processing? What’s your workflow like?
I import photos to Adobe Lightroom and then make final adjustments with exposure in Photoshop.
What so you do other than photography for your career?
I am a social worker. That is my has been my career since my early 20’s.
Out of all your photos, which one is your favorite? Why?
I took a photo of a man handing a meal to another man who was living in a tent. It was taken on a very cold January day. It is my favorite because
it really shows the giving spirit in the Rochester area.
Whose work has influenced you most?
I really enjoy looking at documentary photography, especially photography focusing on urban life. I have books by Camilo Jose Vergara and Boogie. They both are amazing street photographers.
What is one piece of advice you
would give to a photographer just starting out?
Practice and don’t be afraid to make mistakes.
What is next for you?
I hope to continue to engage in portraiture and wedding photography, as well as documentary work .
“I try my hardest to ensure my photography is unique and captures all sides of Rochester.”
Helping women express their personalities through their fashion. Gray’s studio in the small town
If you are interested in creating a life you are head over heels in love with, read on. If not, I’ll see you here in this column next month.
Great! You’re still here. Trust that you’re about to get the message that’s meant for you today.
You might want a pen and paper or your trusty journal to write some answers to Q’s as you’re reading.
Okay, think to yourself for a hot minute: on a scale of 0-10, 10’s the most, rate your believability that YOU are a powerful co-creator of your reality? Be honest with yourself.
I always consider the perspective of the author whenever I’m reading anything. So JSYK, I am a 10! In full transparency, I firmly believe that we play a major role in the way our life unfolds.
I also believe we walk with “God,” Source, The Universe, whatever higher power you choose to call the divinity that exists around us, that is also within us. We undoubtedly have the ability to create a life we love. The physical body is the vehicle for your soul. The soul IS divine. To me, the soul is expressed through our intuition. AnnnnddD I believe every single one of us has this internal compass meant to guide each of us to live the most satisfying and fulfilling life possible.
In my sacred work as an intuitive coach and mentor, the focus is on empowerment, leadership, energetics, and of course: improving intimacy…love and relationships are EVERYTHINGGG.
It’s all about aligning with your personal power and your purpose while healing deeply and manifesting your desires.
Because everything is energy, and this column is all about frequency, I call this process of co-creation “playing in the quantum field.” With this as our context, you see there are infinite possibilities for yourself!
These beliefs are not mystical, spiritual, woo-woo or baseless; they are actually supported by science and quantum physics. Every thought, every emotion, every action is buzzing with a vibration that is either attracting or repelling (thus creating) the life you want.
I subscribe to a simple 4-step process that has supported me in achieving my dreams as well as guided and supported hundreds of my clients in their own successes. Stay with me here and get curious about how it applies to your life.
For starters, we’ve got to learn to Live with Intention. I advocate to connect with your Big Picture Vision (BPV) and your heart’s deepest desires, or as some call it: SUCCESS!
So, Step 1: What does success look and feel like to you?
Moving from a place of curiosity, not judgment, allow yourself to inquire within…looking to your internal compass, lead with JOY.
Lead with what brings you PLEASURE. Lead with all that EXCITES you!
Lead with anything that brings you into the present moment and causes you to
forget your worries.
And last but not least, lead with your INTUITION.
Let yourself be playful and free…this is when you are the most magnetic to your desires.
When you live with intention, you’re conscious and purposeful in how you show up. There is no auto-pilot when focused on intentionality. It calls forth an awareness of the inspired action you are taking, all helping to move the needle forward and get you closer to this dream life you see for yourself.
Is it in LOVE? Is it health-related? Is it monetarily-based? Is it career-based? Living with intention brings forth your values and what matters most to you so you can achieve the most desirable outcomes.
So let’s play…just for the remainder of this column, what is an intention you’d like to set so you get the most out of this reading?
To be present? Slow your breathing and relax your eyes.
To be more open? Drop your shoulders back and soften your heart a bit.
More willing to explore an alternate point of view? Let your emotional guard down some.
To be more available so you can do the damn thing and create a life you love? Be here, now, with me.
Maybe your intention is to be more
eceptive to others (in this case: me and this article.) Give yourself space to let your mind, body and soul receive the message behind the 4-step process I am offering you today. The practice of receptivity and receiving is tied to your feminine energy. More to come on that.
Step 2: Become aware of your blocks and barriers to the success you desire. More often than not, we are unaware of different blocks we have. They’re blindspots. They consist of limiting beliefs, fears, doubts, negative habits, patterned maladaptive behaviors or reactions to others.
You could sabotage situations. You could procrastinate. You could avoid or deny the truth. You could feel unworthy or undeserving of the success you seek. You are the one standing in your own way.
Confronting, I know.
But I do also want to mention that you make perfect sense. You are who you are for a reason. Your survival has been at the forefront of all decisions you’ve made. I love helping people make sense of themselves. Nothing about you is broken though certain outlooks may benefit from a course correction in order to create a life you love.
Typically, the inner saboteur was established in childhood between the ages of 0-7 years of age. It’s said that our subconscious mind makes up 95% of our thoughts while what you are aware of: the conscious mind, makes up a mere 5% of our thoughts, patterns, beliefs, tendencies. Your beliefs, fears or doubts may not even truly be yours. They’ve likely been passed down generation
to generation. And they are held on a subconscious level, which means we don’t even realize they’re running the show.
Picture an iceberg. The tip of the iceberg peaking out of the water, that’s your conscious mind. The rest of the gigantic iceberg submerged under water contains your subconscious mind. Hidden. Out of your awareness yet nevertheless calling all the shots in your life.
However, once you’re able to call them out and bring them from the unconscious to the conscious level of your awareness, the fun begins! This is great news because change IS possible. You can turn it around if your desire is strong.
Remember that your internal landscape is reflected in your external environment. This is an immutable Law of the Universe: The Law of Correspondence. Your life circumstances are a mirror of how you feel on the inside.
In creating a life you love, know that it starts with you! If you believe men are all jerks and women are all crazy, you will be delivered experiences in life that support these beliefs. If you believe people are good and kind, you will interact with people who are good and kind. If you believe the market is saturated with others offering the same services you have in business, you will struggle to separate yourself from the noise. And if you believe success is inevitable, nothing can stop you!
Sometimes in life we’re surrounded by confusion and overwhelm. Any time there is uncertainty, we look for stabilization. That’s all well and good but the truth is we’ve got to learn to
better meet the instability rather than waiting for things to level things out. This is often some of the powerful work I do with coaching clients.
This leads us to Step 3: Staying Anchored in Your Personal Power. The focus is on resilience and self mastery. Here’s the thing…there are many things that will trigger you in life. How do you manage stress? How easily are you rocked off your center? How often is your energy pulled away from your confidence and self-discipline?
How do you manage this human experience?
Understanding nervous system regulation and (menstrual) cycle syncing are tremendous assets in overcoming traumas, triggers and learning to stand in your power. Without this knowledge, these assets may get the best of you time and time again.
When I used to teach group yoga classes, I taught an alignment based practice. I would cue building the pose from the ground UP. When in proper alignment in longer holds, there’s an opportunity to find stability and strength. When you find that stability and strength, you connect to your power. Once you’re in your power, you have freedom and options. With freedom and options comes CHOICE. There is nothing more impactful on your life than your choices.
You are one choice away from an entirely different life.
I also think of the concept of responsibility. The word itself is very telling. It is your
“Root down in who you are, with confidence, so you can rise up to all you came here to be…honoring your soul’s purpose.”
ABILITY to RESPOND. As opposed to navigating life being reactionary, flying off the handle at every trigger. Staying in your personal power positions you much more favorably for success in co-creating a life you love. You must create space for yourself to ground before responding to people or situations that bother you.
How do you connect to the stability within, moving from your personal power? I suggest writing a list of go-to practices that support you in regulating your autonomic nervous system. This is the part of you that (without conscious awareness) goes into fight, flight, fawn or freeze. I coach a ton on nervous system regulation as it is one of my saviors in life. I have a free resource on my website if you are interested. It’s an 8-page Nervous System Regulation Cheat Sheet PDF available for immediate download.
As with every yoga practice, the benefits spill off the mat and into life. One other concept I defer to often is “Root Down to Rise Up.” In yoga, the more firmly rooted you are with the ground, the easier it is to elongate out in all directions from that place of stability. The goal is strength and E X P A N S I O N. Root down in who you are, with confidence, so you can rise up to all you came here to be…honoring your soul’s purpose. This is a huge part pf working with the divinity that’s around you and within you. You/we are all a part of this magic. We all came here with special talents and unique gifts. As hard as your challenging times have been in life, they are an integral part of your expansion. Those struggles served a purpose in shaping you into the incredible woman you are today.
The lessons contained in the adversity you’ve faced are extremely potent. They happened to you so you can give back to the world. When you’re able to turn your pain to your power, your wounds to your wisdom, your tribulations to your triumphs THEN you know personal power and can stand tall in it.
Last but not least, Step 4 is to Trust The Process. Trust that all is unfolding in divine order. Your highest potential and the greater good of all is constantly being considered when life seems to just happen. After you connect to your heart’s desires and your BPV, live with intention and take inspired action to move the needle forward towards your dreams (buy the book, take the course, get the certification or degree, put yourself out there to date, etc), share you energy with others who support, encourage and lift you up, become aware of potential blocks and barriers to your success, stay grounded AF in your personal power the all you have to do is sit back and RECEIVE. Express gratitude for all you currently have. Be thankful for every thing that IS going right in your eyes.
There is a topic of energetics that is important to mention. This last step requires one to harness the feminine energy within. The sensuous, open, trusting, surrendered energy that is receptive to life. Previous steps call on one’s masculine energy to take the lead and make plans, organize, create structure and strategy, hold the container of trust for yourself and both masculine and feminine must be balanced within oneself before aligning with others based on the necessary polarity for relationships and dynamics to thrive. More to come on this topic on future
The Love Frequency columns.
For now, looking at the fourth step to this process of manifestation and cocreation remember the formula: ask, believe, receive.
Ask for what you want. Believe it’s already yours simply because you have the desire. It’s meant for you. The moment you declare your desires is the moment you start moving energy. And then receive. Allow yourself to call in and welcome the fruits of your labor.
I know this is an enormous notion though I truly believe that when you make it a lifestyle, building a life beyond your WiLdeSt dreams is entirely possible. Living your best life as the BEST version of yourself. I’m here for it. I guide selfmotivated, driven humans through this process every day. It’s my passion.
When you get focused and apply these four steps to your own process of creating a life you love, you will start seeing results ASAP. Be sure to celebrate all you see come to reality. Walking with your desires and a deep sense of gratitude brings more and more magic into your days. Sending you all the health, wealth, love and success your heart can hold!!
Reach out if you want to dive deeper into any (or all) of these topics. I currently have one spot open for 1:1 private coaching or mentorship. Email hello@ karakaraoguz.com for more details.
“Walking with your desires and a deep sense of gratitude brings more and more magic into your days.”
My name is Angel Bunce and insurance is my passion. I truly enjoy meeting new people and building long term relationships. Teaching people about insurance and making sure their needs are met is very important to me and the main reason I do what I do!
The state of New York takes car insurance seriously — All drivers in New York are legally required to have an auto insurance policy before hitting the road or even registering their cars. So what does this mean for you? We’ll explain.The state insurance minimum requirement ensures the financial protection of the policyholder from expensive medical bills and property damage expenses and is legally required in order to drive within the state. Without it, drivers in New York are at risk of receiving penalties or fines.
How much car insurance you need in New York depends on factors unique to you, but your policy should at least meet the state’s minimum requirements in order for you to legally drive.
New York car insurance minimum requirements
The easiest way to satisfy New York’s financial responsibility law is by purchasing a car insurance policy. But keep in mind- Getting just the minimum coverage limits can help you save on car insurance, but you’ll be more exposed to the financial risks of an accident. Here’s a look at what minimum coverage offers along with optional insurance:
Bodily injury (BI): If you cause a car accident, this coverage pays for the other party’s medical bills and car repair expenses, up to $25,000 per person or $50,000 per accident. Insurance companies say most people in New York choose to raise their limits to 100/300, but this varies by insurer and depends on your needs. When selecting your limits, consider whether your assets would be vulnerable to lawsuits following an accident. Some drivers raise their coverage limits to match their net worth.
Property damage (PD): This coverage pays for any property damage you cause in an accident, up to $10,000 per crash. Together with BI, these two coverages are known as liability insurance, which means they pay out to the other party when you cause an accident. Higher limits are available for PD as well, but they vary by insurer.
Personal injury protection (PIP): Also known as no-fault insurance, PIP helps pay for your own medical bills following a car accident — regardless of who’s at fault — up to $50,000 per accident. Medical expenses typically include hospital visits, psychiatric care, physical therapy, rehabilitation and long-term professional health services.
If you’re unable to work because of your injuries, you are also entitled to 80% of your lost income, with a $2,000 monthly cap, for up to three years. You’ll also receive a daily stipend of $25 to cover necessary household
expenses for up to a year following the accident. And if you die in the accident, PIP coverage pays your beneficiary up to $2,000 for funeral expenses.
You can raise your PIP limits, but it’s considered a separate optional coverage and called “additional PIP” or “medical payments” (more on that below).
Uninsured motorist bodily injury (UMBI): As its name implies, this type of coverage kicks in when you’re hit by an uninsured driver. It pays for your injuries, up to $25,000 per person and $50,000 per accident, for any accidents that occur within New York state. Pay attention to the limits; if your coverage exceeds 25/50, then it may be considered supplementary UMBI and could cost more.
Cheap isn’t always good and good isn’t always cheap!
So let’s talk about how to thrift. In my opinion, thrifting is an amazing way to keep a sustainable wardrobe, but it is not everyone’s cup of tea. Some people like thrifting, while others love it, and then you have people like me who are addicted to it.
But on the other hand, some people find it overwhelming. If you are interested in the thrifting world, here are five tips and tricks I have found helpful throughout my years. Hopefully, you can apply these to your next adventure, whether at a thrift store, a garage sale, an estate sale or a flea market.
My mom and I would always get the sniffles whenever we walked into the thrift store. My mom would bring a whole box of Kleenex out of the house and into the car before our trip, and when we arrived at the thrift store, she would take a whole wad out of the box and stuff it in her purse. A recent allergy test determined that I am allergic to dust mites and dog and cat dander.
Bottom line: if you have allergies, remember to take your meds or have tissues handy because you never know what to expect when you walk into a second-hand establishment.
Tip #2:
If you follow any resellers on social media or watch any antique/vintage shows on TV, they make it look so easy; they find all of these amazing pieces. But you have to remember that these individuals may have been doing this for years. So don’t get your hopes up thinking you’ll always find amazing stuff.
walk back out. I recommend first walking around without any intent to buy. Walk around the perimeter of the store. That way, you can scope what’s where in each department and also glance at the aisles in the middle of the store as well.
Please don’t get discouraged. Remember,
Once you’ve done your first walk around the perimeter, start walking down an aisle or a department that piqued your interest. And then, when you feel comfortable, dive in and start going through items (keeping tip #1 in mind, of course).
Everyone I’ve come across that works in these establishments is super helpful, so don’t be afraid to go up to an employee and ask questions. There is usually a deal of the day or week, so if you don’t see it posted, definitely ask. Even though it’s a thrift store, you can still save money.
it takes time and patience to sift through items and find great pieces. So just know every trip to the thrift store, garage sale, estate sale, etc., isn’t going to be great, but I encourage you to keep going.
Tip #3:
If you’ve never walked into a thrift store before, I admit that it can definitely be overwhelming. And just as fast as you walked in, you may want to
Tip# 4: Shop During Off-Peak Times
Thrifting is all the rage right now. My 15-year-old stepdaughter has gone thrifting with me, and she finds it cool since an influencer posted it on TikTok. Seriously!? But I definitely have noticed an influx of shoppers in thrift stores within the past few years. The weekends will always be the busiest, but then again, I think that’s shopping anywhere. If you have the opportunity to shop during the week,
shop. In my opinion, those are the two days that I notice the stores are mostly empty. An emptier store is a little more relaxing and easier to navigate through.
In a perfect world, everyone washes or dry cleans their old items and neatly folds them up before boxing them up and sending them to the donation center. But… the world isn’t perfect, and let’s be honest, we have no idea where a lot of these items are coming from and what type of environment
the bag and immediately take them down to the basement to be washed.
If I don’t have time that day, I will leave them in the garage until I can wash or dry clean my items.
Back in April, I went to visit my sister in Atlanta, and of course, we went thrifting. We brought the bags of clothes into the house and upstairs to wash them. My sister threw her bag on her bed, and I immediately screamed, “GET THAT BAG OFF OF
The way I screamed caused both of
bedroom, so she intended to wash the items immediately, but her placement before washing them definitely freaked me out. To always be on the safe side, wash/sanitize all items that you bring into your household. I don’t have any horror stories, and I plan to keep it that way.
Well, those are my top five tips for thrifting. Are you ready to shop yet? In the next column, we’ll talk about finding sustainable items to reinvent your wardrobe.
YOUR BED!”
“Some people like thrifting, while others love it, and then you have people like me who are
Tell us a little bit about yourself, and what made you decide to open Self Serve Pet Wash.
I am part of a family business, High Line Motor Car Inc. I’ve been in the used auto sales business since 1987. I decided to try to branch out this year when I went to a car wash convention in Nashville, TN and saw these pet washes. I immediately fell in love with the idea.
The Wegman Family aka WCI Properties are close friends of ours and the location they put me in is just simply amazing. Next door to Jay Speranza with Cotoletta and a bakery going in across from us and the other amazing businesses here at Elmridge Center including the forever busy Refresh and Dr Julie Beach.
What types of services do you offer?
We have 4 self serve pet washes, 3 are enclosed and we have divided waiting areas with seating.The machines dispense all natural, shampoo, flea & tick wash and conditioner out of a sprayer hose. There is also a 2 speed blower to get the excess water off.
How long did it take you from having the idea of opening the pet wash to the Grand Opening? It took a few months along with getting the space ready. So all in all not bad timing.
Is a dog wash profitable?
I have no idea yet. This is new to me and not many of its kind around. Most pet washes are in pet stores and are not these washes, you’re also grouped together with other dogs in the same area at the pet store washes. This concept is very unique.
What is your best form of promotion and getting new customers for your business?
They have a light apple scent which is very pleasant. Which I was surprised because I Don’t like fake apple smell. But these products actually smell really good.
What has been your biggest success so far in your business? What about your biggest challenge?
Being able to help a local rescue, Rescued Treasures Pet Adoption with washes for their rescues. I’d have to say the biggest challenge is over coming negative social media responses. Not many of them but, I can’t stand the negative people out there. So we pray for them.
What has been your best testimonial from a customer?
I’d have to say our very first customer, had a blast here and also the response from everyone involved with the rescue.
How much miantenance does the dog wash require?
It has been social media and word of mouth.
What equipment was a must-have when opening your business?
The proper electric and plumbing, neither of which was cheap.
What types of cleaning/grooming products do you use?
We provide all natural products, which are sold by the wash manufacturer.
Not too much, the floor is elevated from the bottom of the wash so everything winds up under the floor in 1 of 3 strainers. So we just need to flip the floor up and scoop the fur out and rinse the bottom of the tub out from the little bit of dirt that may be there.
What do you do for fun when you are not working on your business?
I love going for rides with my wife, playing with our dogs Rocco & Vito and spending quality time with my friends. I especially love the 11pm calls, hey wanna take a 6 hour ride to pick up a car tomorrow morning?
“I’ve been working since I was 12 and have literally never stopped, also being part of various family businesses I wanted to have something of my own to run it how I please with my own ideas, so sink or swim, its on me.“
And my response is, HELL YES!!!
What is the biggest benefit of a self serve dog wash vs a groomer/doing it yourself at home?
I can’t say this is better then a groomer, but its cheaper, as far as better then doing it at home, well, you leave all your mess here and go back to your home the way you left it. Or if you wash your dog outside, they won’t windup in mud created by washing them or if they slip away and you have to chase them. Its just more convenient here.
Where do you see your business in the next 3-5years?
Hopefully expanded across the county or beyond.
What do you feel sets you apart from your competition?
We are not a pet store that you have limited washes at, or getting dragged around by your dog. You come in, wash and you’re gone, no fuss and we are open 24/7
What made you want to own your own business?
I’ve been working since I was 12
and have literally never stopped, also being part of various family businesses
I wanted to have something of my own to run it how I please with my own ideas, so sink or swim, its on me.
going. Also a few close friends and family. But what truly pushes me is knowing my kids are watching me.
Tell us one thing about your business and yourself that people may not know.
I wake up at 3:30am sometimes 3:23am lol and that’s when my mind goes into full throttle and I get ideas about business.
What are you planning next?
Having a Kettle One martini, shaken very well a little dirty with olives. This was a lot to type. Thank you for this opportunity we are very blessed to have you taken such an interest in our business
Who has been someone who has inspired you on your journey?
My wife Maritrese has held the fort down at home and has pushed me and positively encouraged me to keep
“I can’t say this is better then a groomer, but its cheaper, as far as better then doing it at home, well, you leave all your mess here and go back to your home the way you left it.”
sometimes have to go their separate ways. This was the case for brothers David and Goliath... until it wasn’t.
Meet David and Goliath, two dogs surrendered to Animal Care Sanctuary in December 2021. The two brothers spent the winter getting to know the lay of the land and playing with other animals. After a few weeks, a family adopted David. Sadly, they could not adopt Goliath because he didn’t pass the cat test.
Months went by, and while David was enjoying time with his new family, Goliath was still at the sanctuary waiting to find his forever home like his brother.
but returned to ACS within a week.
David’s adopters regularly checked the ACS website and grew sad whenever they saw Goliath. Finally, David’s new dad couldn’t get over the fact that Goliath was still at the shelter and decided to do something about it.
After four months without his brother, Goliath was adopted. He was so excited to meet his forever family but had no idea what was to come next. After getting out of the car at his new home, Goliath ran inside to a wonderful surprise: a greeting from his brother!
The brothers immediately ran right up to one another in excitement.
Goliath’s failed cat test? Well, it turns out that was just a one-time mess-up. Whether it be nerves or the stress of being in a shelter, Goliath loves his new cat sibling. He even does a happy dance when he sees a cat!
Goliath goes to show that patience is necessary with any animal. If you give them time and care, they might surprise you.
The staff at ACS is grateful for our time spent with the two brothers. They truly have a one-of-a-kind story that ends with them spending the rest of their days in their forever home. Together! We couldn’t be happier for them.
We are thrilled to introduce you to little miss Jangle!
Jangle made her way to Animal Care Sanctuary in September from Best Friends Dog Rescue in Georgia. This sweet little lady was lucky enough to have a wonderful foster family in Georgia where she was able to learn a lot about life. She traveled all the way to Pennsylvania, hoping to find a furrever family. Could it be yours?!
Jangle’s favorite part of the day is enjoying a play group with her doggo friends. Jangle prefers to hang out with our calmer groups of pups, and she enjoys a leisurely stroll and some gentle playfulness over rowdy play styles.
When it comes to playing with her humans, she is the perfect balance of cuddly and calm, but she’s always ready to party when you are!
Jangle is of medium-sized stature, making her the perfect size to go anywhere with you. At one and a half years old, she is very playful and full
of life. Just don’t forget her favorite
instead of feeling like she has to run away. Jangle has lots of focus training sessions with her handler, and can rely on her handler when she is feeling
Jangle is also very silly. One of our caretakers came back wearing a different hoodie than she was used to seeing her in and it scared her a little at first. She barked at our caretaker initially, but we found her in that caretaker’s lap two seconds later, all snuggled up for a nap. We have even given Jangle her own special nickname, “Jangle Bell Rock”, for when she has the zoomies.
Jangle would love to find her forever home this fall.
Jangle loves to pose for photos, and would be the perfect addition to your fall family photos. Can’t you just picture her now?
confidence building. While she is by no means extremely shy, she can be slightly jumpy in bustling situations. Due to this, we encourage Jangle to appropriately make corrections to other dogs when she feels intimidated,
Come meet Jangle today at Animal Care Sanctuary in East Smithfield. She can’t wait to meet you, and we know that you’ll be thrilled to meet her too!
Our beauty company sets us apart from the rest as we constantly tell ourselves positive affirmations. We put our clients mindset in gear first. You can’t live a beautiful life if you don’t believe it’s possible.
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If you are ready to ignite the best version of you, then what are you waiting for?
Sunrise, sunset… sounds like the old song from a Fiddler on the Roof, doesn’t it? Recently, I’ve been appreciating sunrise and sunsets more. I’ve begun to realize how much they can mean to you.
Whether it be because of getting older, going through major life changes, or even the death of a loved one, that simple action of the sun rising and setting has become more symbolic to me.
Growing up, the song from Fidler on the Roof - Sunrise, Sunset, was a very popular wedding song. I can’t tell you how many weddings I went to that played it!
And yet, I have to be honest, I never understood the fascination of the song? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very beautiful song. A moving and sad song.
Which was exactly why I never thought it was a good song for a wedding! It always made everyone cry! A reflection of how fast the little boy and girl had grown.
As a parent now, I get it. The very thought of your own child growing up and moving on is a sad thought! Magnified even more on the day of their wedding. A sort of sun setting in your eyes.
And yet, for the little boy and girl, the day of their wedding seems like a sunrise! A beginning to a new life they are anxiously looking forward to.
So, I guess it’s all about perspective. And when you think about it, isn’t
that what a sunrise/sunset is? Your own perspective, at a certain moment of your life?
At first you may think, what in the world is she talking about? A sunrise vs. a sunset couldn’t be more opposite! And yet, it may surprise you to find out that, in fact, they can be similar due to your perspective.
It is a scientific fact that a simple picture of a sunrise or sunset can actually be just a matter of perspective! How? In my research, they said that it is possible to take a picture of a sunrise and then take a picture of a sunset and the two can be exactly identical!
Of course, you would need no other identifying objects in the picture, such as a clue to the direction of the sun. Rising for the east, setting for the west.
Or the cast of the sunlight, whether it be brighter for a sunrise and of course darker for a sunset. But it can be done! A simple picture of a beautiful sun rising or setting could be determined only by your perspective.
And, interestingly enough, that perspective can change! You may look at that picture, one day you may see it as the sun rising. Yet, that same picture on a different day, you may see that picture as the sun setting. That is your perspective.
Interesting enough as that is, there is also a word most of have heard that has a similar concept. Aloha. That word can be used to say hello or goodbye.
Recently, I just took an emotional journey with my family to Hawaii to fulfill the final wish of my late motherin-law, Julie. The wish was to have her ashes spread in Hawaii, because her time in Hawaii was her happiest time.
A hard decision, not only due to the location and the task of fulfilling her wish, but an emotional decision to let her go. For at first, we all saw it as the sun setting.
However, in retrospect, I realized how appropriate Hawaii was for such a journey. There they used one simple word, Aloha, as a way to be able to say hello and goodbye.
However, Aloha also means kindness, love and affection. Which believe me, fulfilling Julie’s wish was done through kindness, love and affection.
We charted a boat, took Julie’s ashes with beautiful red roses and white lilies in hand, and set out on our last journey with her. As the sun began to set, we poured her ashes into the deep, dark, beautiful water.
A beautiful poem read then, each tossing a red rose and white Lilly into the water as we said our good byes. As we looked out towards the reflection of the sun, onto the shimmering water with those beautiful floating flowers (the white flowers looking like little swans) we each reflected on our memories with her.
No doubt, hands down, the most raw and purest moment of emotions I have ever felt! But the moment was
not over. When we got back to the hotel, down by the beach, they were lighting lanterns.
Such a beautiful moment to watch as you saw these lanterns float up and out to the moonlit ocean. Since we had just had an emotional moment ourselves earlier, we were so moved by their event; the question was asked where they had gotten the lanterns, so perhaps our family could do one for Julie.
Unfortunately, these strangers had bought them through Amazon and
brought them with them. They had 4 and had just released 3. Apologizing for interrupting them; it was explained what we had done earlier for our own loved one.
Without hesitation, these beautiful strangers insisted the last lantern would be ours! Would not accept any money for it but instead, through kindness and love, took pictures and video of Julie’s final send off.
A perfect, and of course, highly emotional, day. After being jet lagged, along with the emotional rollercoaster
we had endured, exhausted, we went to bed. Our sun had set.
But do you know what? That next morning, we were greeted with a beautiful sunrise and an Aloha! A new day was upon us, not only for us, but perhaps for Julie too?
And that’s when I realized how appropriate it all was! How I was able to put it into perspective. For there can be a hello and a good bye. For when the sun does set, just over the horizon, it will rise again.
After a short day at work, Megan was happy to come home to her apartment. Sadly, she realizes she no longer has the energy she used to. Even a half day of work was a strain on her!
Stripping down to underwear and bra, Megan endures a brief hot flash. Fortunately, not one of the bad ones! For once in her life, she is happy that she is divorced and with no children. This way, no one has to see her go through the difficult stage of menopause. Megan can bitch and moan all she wants and not have to be accountable to anyone!
One of the most difficult stages of her menopause for Megan was the strange hallucinations she has been having. In all the books she has read on menopause, nowhere does it mention the onset of hallucinations? Let alone a brief hearing of music that seems to be getting louder with each hot flash! The restless nights, hot flashes, and mood swings were all there, but no mention of what was happening to her.
And these weren’t your typical hallucinations, where perhaps you think you see something out of the corner of your eye. Far from it, hers were specific! The haunting music, that damn lullaby she’d heard all her life at unusual times, would come first.
Then a man she had never seen before standing over a body he had just killed, with, get this, an ice pick of all things! As if that wasn’t bad enough, each time she has seen him he’s been with a different victim!
Certainly not something you wanted to run and tell your doctor for fear of locking you up! But who could she talk to about it? She had no family, both parents long gone and not really prepared to get sympathetic looks from her friends. She had enough of that from the divorce!
Then, as fate would have it, a strange woman named Bonnie had reached out to her.
BY TAMMY VREELANDWanting to meet with her and explain something about her past.
Megan had only agreed because Bonnie verified she was a nurse at the hospital Megan was born in. Due to the way she was born, her parents, while traveling, had to make an emergency stop for the pregnancy in a small town. Megan had a feeling she was about to be told her parents were somehow not her real parents.
As Megan gets dressed in casual clothes, she thinks about how that makes her feel. She will always think of her parents as her real parents, no matter what. Yet on the other hand, maybe she had more family out there? Someone who may understand what she is going through!
If anything, it would make for an interesting afternoon. She was supposed to meet Bonnie at the park in fifteen minutes. Hot flash or not, she had to get dressed and get going!
Fortunately, the park they agreed on was minutes from her apartment. Upon arriving, she looked around, not really knowing how to find Bonnie.
There in the corner sits a much older woman gently rocking a baby. The woman looks up at her and calls out, “Megan, over here!”
Bonnie smiles, “That would be me. So sorry for having to bring my granddaughter. Some confusion at the house over work schedules, so I had no choice! She’s almost asleep. Once she is, we’ll have no interruptions. Sleeping is what she does best right now.”
Bonnie looks lovingly down at the baby, “Right precious?” Bonnie then begins softly singing a lullaby. The baby falls fast asleep.
Megan is shocked and whispers, “I know that lullaby!”
Bonnie answers, “It’s ok you can talk in your normal voice. She won’t be bothered.”
Megan is still shaken by hearing the lullaby, “You don’t understand! I’ve always tried to figure out where the lullaby came from! No one knew!”
Bonnie looks down and softly says, “No one would because my great grandmother created it! She used to say she added an incantation to soothe the soul, so none of her babies would be tempted by the devil’s drugs.”
Megan is still bewildered, “It was never sung to me! I only heard it in my head at the most unusual times.”
Bonnie looks at her, “You’re wrong. I sang it to you over and over. But what did you mean you heard it at unusual times?”
Megan tries to explain, “Any time I attempted to take any drugs? Even over-the-counter drugs! Honestly? Annoying as ever, to the point, if I did have to take something for a headache, it would become a worse headache because of the lullaby! It was like the lullaby was somehow preventing me from taking drugs!”
Bonnie’s eyes begin to tear, “I’m so sorry child! I had no idea, although I suspected due to how your brother acted.”
Megan takes a deep breath in, “Maybe you should start at the beginning!”
Bonnie looks straight ahead in deep thought, “I still believe I did the right thing by you. I will not apologize for that! However, I do apologize for taking so long to tell you.”
Bonnie looks over at her and begs, “Tell me you had a good childhood! Tell me you loved your parents!”
Megan begins to tear up herself, “I did! With
all my heart. I never wanted for anything. I miss them terribly!”
Bonnie nods, “The detective told me they had passed. I’m so sorry.”
Megan is curious, “Did they know?”
Bonnie shakes her head, “No and in a way, I’m glad they won’t! I knew they were good people when I first saw them.”
Megan whispers as she looks down at Bonnie’s granddaughter, sleeping, “What happened?”
Bonnie instinctively holds the baby tighter, “It was a horrible night you were born! The local football team had been involved in a terrible bus crash. Many who worked at the hospital that night lost their own children. It was mayhem, to say the least.”
Bonnie goes on, “Your mother had unexpectedly gone into labor.”
Bonnie hesitates but finishes, disgusted, “As did another woman.”
Before Megan can interrupt, Bonnie explains, “The poor doctor not only had to deliver those two babies but operate on his own son! Unfortunately, his son did not make it.”
Bonnie relives the memory, “I was helping him with your poor mother, the one you called mother, and she was having such a hard time! She lost so much blood.”
Bonnie shivers at the thought of all that blood, “We had to make the father leave the room. In the end, you mother went unconscious, not able to see the birth.”
Bonnie finishes, “The other woman went into labor just as the doctor handed me that baby. He didn’t even realize the baby was dead. Just handed her to me, knowing I would know what to do for her.”
Bonnie lowers her head as she looks at her precious granddaughter, “A little girl who looked as peaceful as this one. It was heartbreaking!”
Bonnie remembers, “I still cleaned her up and put her in the crib. Moments later, the other nurse comes in with this screaming baby and hands her to me.”
Bonnie clears her throat, “She told me she had to attend to her own child that was on that fateful bus. She had no patience to detox some crack whore’s baby.”
Megan realizes what this means, “I was the crack baby?”
Bonnie nods, “But you weren’t just on crack. Your lovely father was a designer drug dealer. He had come up with a concoction for repeat business. A drug that would never leave your system. A drug you would always be addicted to.”
Megan wonders, “How did you do it? How could my parents not know I wasn’t their child, especially if you had to detox me?”
Bonnie shrugs her shoulders, “That part was easy, too easy. Almost like it was meant to be. No one knew the other baby was even dead. The father was outside worried. Your poor mother was barely hanging on. It was easy to convince them the baby needed to stay longer at the hospital to get strong. I knew I didn’t have much time, but I was determined.”
Megan has to know, “The other woman, my real mother, how did she take the news?”
Bonnie sighs, “She was relieved, was more interested in getting out of there and back to her drugs! Problem was, I needed to know the drugs she was on to be able to ween you off. I took her blood, had it run, but no one knew what was in her! In fact, they were quite concerned. It was nothing
they had seen before and its implications were frightful!”
Megan is confused, “How so?”
Bonnie thinks back, “We had quite an epidemic of drug users back then. More than we had ever seen before. Even casual users were completely addicted to this drug your father had created. Of course, at the time you were born, we didn’t know he was the one doing it. Just figured your mother was like everyone else coming in. Unfortunately, though, because I now knew what drug was in you, I also knew we had yet figured a way to detox any of the ones on that drug!”
Megan doesn’t understand, “It may have been hard, but wouldn’t time simply detox you?”
Bonnie sadly shakes her head, “No, once they no longer had access to that drug, their bodies turned against them. Began actually eating itself up from the inside looking for any remains of the drug in the body!”
Bonnie shivers, “It was terrifying to watch! They passed it off as the fleshing eating disease but what they didn’t tell people was by the time it had eaten your flesh; all of your insides were already gone!”
Megan is shocked, “Saving me like you did, please tell me you saved my brother too!”
Bonnie shakes her head, “At the time I didn’t know he existed! They did do an autopsy on the other baby to make sure it hadn’t died of drugs, but of course it hadn’t. I had to be quiet that it wasn’t hers. I thought no harm no foul. At least you were safe. But I was shocked when she came back in about a year later to have your sister with your brother in tow! He was all of 3 years old and strung out so bad I truly don’t know how he didn’t die!”
Megan whispers, “I have a sister?”
“Megan had a feeling she was about to be told her parents were somehow not her real parents.”
{
Bonnie gently corrects her, “Had. Unfortunately, Abigail died in a car accident when she was a teen.”
Megan asks, “Drugs?”
Bonnie whispers, “No, her friends were on them, and sadly Abigail desperately wanted to be! But Abigail complained of not being able to. Her injuries from the car accident are not what killed her, but both her ear drums were pierced. As if someone had stuck something in her ears all the way to the brain.”
Megan clearly shivers as she wonders, “And my brother?”
Bonnie thinks about it, “Actually, he and Abigail were quite close. After Abigail was born, your parents were arrested, and they were put in a good foster home after detox. Those two claimed they were connected in ways people would never understand.”
Suddenly it hits Megan, “You were the one to detox them, weren’t you? And you sang that lullaby to them!”
Bonnie nodded, “Abigail was like you, and within days, the lullaby sort of walled in the addiction. But Roy, poor boy, was a mess! His little body was riddled with drugs they fed him to keep quiet.”
Bonnie remembers, “He struggled with just the concept of being held. I cringe to think what they did to that little boy!”
Bonnie hesitates, “Unfortunately, the lullaby seemed like pure torture to him! Since it worked on you two, I was determined to make it work on him. I was relentless with him, singing it to him over and over for fear he would turn out like the others if I didn’t detox him! Eventually it did work, but honestly, I think I may have been too late.”
Megan wonders, “How so?”
Bonnie is not sure, “With all Roy had endured before I started on him, he could have already been damaged. But that boy wasn’t right in the head afterwards. Perhaps his body had eaten some of his brain before I could get that damn drug walled in? Detective, even thought the damage may have given him abilities we didn’t know! Even though the detective has him dead to rights for the killings, he can never actually place Roy at the scene of the crimes.”
Megan is afraid to ask, “How do you think Abigail and he were connected?”
Bonnie shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t rightly know. I do know Abigail’s friends had said she screamed out right before she died for Roy to make it stop. One claimed they briefly saw Roy appeared. Seemed to stab her in both ears with something. Of course, we all thought she was seeing things due to the drugs she was on. Roy wasn’t even in the same town that night, let alone in the car!”
Bonnie sighs, “When the detective came to me about his theory, I thought it was a bit far-fetched, but agreed to tell you the truth in hopes you may have the same connection as Abigail so they can stop him.”
Megan whispers, “It is Roy! And he’s doing it with an ice pick!”
Bonnie is shocked, “How do you know?”
Megan explains, “Ever since I started having menopause, I’ve been having hallucinations of a man killing people!”
Bonnie understands, “Of course, your hormones have changed!”
Megan wonders, “Did the detective have a theory to why Roy is killing?”
Bonnie explains, “He seems to think that for some reason, Roy was able to hunt down all the ones that were on your father’s drug
and killed them. A sort of revenge killing.”
Megan has chills run over her, “And you don’t think so?”
Bonnie is not sure, “Sure, it’s more than coincidence that the ones killed had at one time been on that drug. But not all of them have been killed. Not to scare you, but why hasn’t he found you?”
Megan suddenly feels a hot flash come over her and her eyes begin to unfocus. Faintly, she hears Bonnie call out to her, “Sing the lullaby to him! It may have an effect on him!”
Megan stands before her brother, standing over his last victim. She yells out to him, “Roy!”
Roy turns to her and smiles, “Well well! You learned the trick, my sister, and I knew! What whore did you come from?”
Megan smiles, “Your mother! Bonnie, the nurse, switched me at birth.”
Roy screams violently, “That bitch! She cursed our family! She caused me to kill sweet Abigail to put her out of misery, because of her and that damn lullaby!”
Megan tries to understand before doing what Bonnie suggested, “Why Roy? Why kill all those people like that?”
Roy shakes his head, “You don’t understand! These were mercy killings! They called out to me, begging me to give them relief! That damn drug my father created was not only addictive, but somehow, we’re connected! I could feel what they were feeling, hear what they were hearing. I simply put them out of their misery.”
Megan is confused, “Relief from what?”
Roy smiles, “She didn’t tell you? Daddy
“Then, as fate would have it, a strange woman named Bonnie had reached out to her. Wanting to meet with her and explain something about her past.”
y dearest infected the whole town with his drugs. Bonnie took it upon herself to help those poor addicts. Had damn meetings with them all, singing that cursed lullaby to them over and over! But all she did was trade one evil for another!”
Megan doesn’t believe him, “Then why didn’t you come for me?”
Roy smiles, “Because it hasn’t hit you as hard as the others yet! The ones who desperately wanted to do drugs, like poor Abigail, just the desire alone would turn your own body against you! Making you beg for relief! I was able to be their relief. Somehow, I am able to “Astro surf” is what I call it and provide them with their relief.”
Roy adds, “If you were good and able to abstain, for some reason, later on, the lullaby still comes for you!”
Suddenly, Bonnie starts belting out the lullaby. Since Roy is in contact with Megan, he can hear the lullaby, too! Quickly he covers his ears screaming, “Make her stop!”
Megan agrees as she holds her own ears. The lullaby is deafening and so damn hurtful! Why does it hurt so much? Could it be because it’s from the original source? Then Megan realizes it must be the hormones too! In fact, all the victims she had seen Roy with recently were her age! Maybe they were beginning to hear the lullaby more than just a deterrent to drugs?
Suddenly Megan screams out to Bonnie, “No! You must stop! You are killing us!”
In fact, Megan and Roy, later found, both died the same time as what appeared to be an aneurism.
Some may argue that Bonnie and her good intentions caused more harm than good. However, Bonnie and her great grandmother’s lullaby did give those poor drug users a chance of a longer life through abstaining. It’s just unfortunate that menopause is such a bitch and had to ruin a good thing!
“One of the most difficult stages of her menopause for Megan was the strange hallucinations she has been having.”
{ RWO SHORTS }
I recently had a birthday. It got me thinking about time; how we spend it, waste it, and wish for more of it.
Social media makes it easy for people past and present to wish you a Happy Birthday. A friend from forty years ago text me a picture of us from Sophomore year of high school. It reminded me of a stage in life I would love to delete.
I remember the snapshot and how I was feeling at that time in my life. Anxious, frustrated, and impatient with myself. No one would know it from the silly, out of focus picture but I remember feeling that life felt hard at the time, and I was only 15 years old.
Does it ever get easier? The answer is no. But if you live your life the right way, you get better at handling the hard stuff that comes your way. That is the message from Duke Blue Devils women’s basketball head coach Kara Lawson.
A friend recently sent me her speech that has been circulating on LinkedIn and Twitter since the summer. She addressed her team with a powerful pep talk about learning to ‘handle hard better.’ The 2 minutes and 49 second speech made me stop and think about our constant focus on getting past tough times, professionally and personally.
Lawson reminds her team, “It will never get easier. What happens is, you handle hard better. That’s a mental shift that has to occur in your brains.”
Most of us operate on the premise that
the future will somehow be easier, and we endure the uncomfortable with a ‘just get through it’ mindset.
It reminds me of “the holidays.” Once we get through “the holidays,” there will be more time.
There may be time, but then there are bills.
What Lawson is referring to happened to me last week. I was juggling multiple clients, large projects, and little sleep. As a single businessperson, you can never say no to work or not meet a deadline. I knew it would all get done, but I was overwhelmed, negative, and all I could think about was Friday.
Monday came, and guess what; new hurdles, conflicts and schedules were waiting their turn.
Lawson’s words resonated with me. The moment we handle something hard, life suddenly gets even harder. It is preparation for what is next.
Lawson’s theory, “If you have a meaningful pursuit in life, it will never be easy.” She adds, “The people who handle hard well, those are the people who get what they want.”
In business we want more money, responsibility, and titles. It means more stress, larger consequences, and pressure. Everything gets bigger, especially the problems.
We wait for the easy and it never comes. Is there really the perfect job, salary, or boss?
I remember wanting to be an anchor in my earliest days in television. I eventually became one, when I was six-months pregnant. Managing both roles was one of the most exhausting periods of my life. I had achieved my goal of ‘doing it all’ but lost freedom and flexibility. I was constantly torn.
Now I run my own solo business and have colleagues and friends tell me how ‘lucky’ I am to set my own schedule and choose my own work with a daughter away at college.
While achieving another career milestone, my mother’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis suddenly shifted my time and priorities once again.
I am still constantly torn, and it is unbelievably hard.
Ninth grade algebra was easy in comparison to writing a 10-page marketing paper. I would do a dozen college presentations in exchange for re-living the embarrassment of my first live shot on the evening news. The tears I shed dropping my daughter off at the kindergarten bus stop was nothing when I think about the day, I left her on a city campus to start life on her own.
Congratulate yourself if you are in the middle of something tough, ugly, or uncomfortable, you may be on the right track.
One step at a time Get one part of your project completed today. Successfully cross one item off your to-do list. Feeling accomplished, even in small ways is critical for larger success.
I want to write a book one day. It feels overwhelming. I started by having the courage to start writing this column.
Burdens are less when we share them. When you are handling hard stuff, it is difficult to ask for help, but do it anyway. One day you will be the person, someone is reaching out to for help. I
guarantee it.
Know you can do hard things. Mental fortitude is necessary for success. Shortterm setbacks do not equate to failure. Have the patience and concentration to face what you are dealing with. If you don’t, you may miss the lesson that equips you for the next time.
I am inspired by Lawson’s ability to convey to these young women what it takes to be resilient in the game of life. My 15-year-old self could have learned a lot from her. My fifty-something self certainly has.
Handle the hard stuff and be better off for it.
“But if you live your life the right way, you get better at handling the hard stuff that comes your way.”
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Hello CAP friends! My first few months with CAP have been very busy and productive! A little about me! I am from the Thousand Islands originally and made my move to Rochester back in 2015, to begin my undergraduate degree in marketing at Nazareth College. Throughout my academic career, I had the opportunity to intern at Causewave Community Partners and the Rochester Red wings. I was able to gain experience and skills in the world of marketing. Fast forward a few years, I was introduced to the world of the Child Welfare. I was working with the Children’s Home of Jefferson County (CHJC), in Watertown New York. With CHJC I took on the position of their Homefinder.
For the last few years, I struggled with finding my passion in work. When this opportunity fell into my lap, it opened my eyes and quickly made me realize, this is the work I want to be doing. Recently, I have stepped back from Homefinding and have taken on this new position of Recruitment & Outreach Specialist. It has been a seamless adjustment and I am excited to share what is coming soon. As you all know, we have been very busy preparing for our 50th Anniversary Gala. From spreading the word about the Gala, to weekly meetings to finalize invitations, raffle items, guest speakers and the overall success of the event. Between board members, volunteers, and staff, we have all been very busy but excited to host a memorable night. We are very fortunate for the donations we have received for our auction.
I have been working non-stop the last few months to get organized and making sure we have plenty of raffle items. I can’t take all the credit; I also thank my team here at CAP and our wonderful board members for all the help they have given me as I have been getting adjusted.
As we fast forward to the end of November, we have our annual Heart Gallery. The Heart Gallery exhibits our youth in care who are awaiting their forever families. This inspiring event gives families and the community the opportunity to learn more about what we do here at CAP and learn about the youth awaiting their forever families.
We are inviting the community on November 17th, from 5:00 to 7:00 pm to join us in our office on Anderson Ave. It will be a fun night filled with refreshments, food, guest speakers and to raise awareness and celebrate National Adoption Month. Alongside of preparation for the Gala, my next focus is on the Heart Gallery. Working with volunteers and staff to prepare photos for the event, guest speakers and the potential of a panel. We have done a panel in the past with families who have previously adopted and youth who have been adopted. It is a great opportunity for everyone to gain knowledge and hear some real-life stories.
I am also in full swing in my master’s program, where in two years I will have my graduate degree in Marketing Communications, and Leadership I
am completing this degree at Nazareth College again. We are creating partnerships with my marketing class in hopes of developing ways to continue reaching our community and surrounding communities to raise awareness on what we do. We have also developed a partnership with a St. John Fisher media class.
They have been graciously helping with social media updates, new partnerships in the community, and some great media content we are excited to share shortly! Along with my current position and studies, I do have hopes for advancement within the agency. I am not only given opportunities in recruitment & outreach but also marketing and development. I am very thankful to be given these opportunities and thank the CAP team for welcoming me into their family and taking a chance on a new position.
There is lots of excitement as I plan to keep growing in my position and hope to one day fall into a roll of development.
“When this opportunity fell into my lap, it opened my eyes and quickly made me realize, this is the work I want to be doing.”
Self Reflection is key . If you cannot retrace your steps and have a sense of OBJECTIVITY, you’re doomed!!!
Those who were raised in poverty and abuse, find it very hard to self reflect due to the RIGHT they feel they have now as adults(Trying to Control what they couldn’t control as kids). Having to dissect and admit ill behavior can be traumatizing, and so many MASK and fool themselves and in the course, fool others. These people look amazing. Clean cut. Dressed to the par and many attimes, articulate. Its all a MASK!!!
Now, one of the things they hide is the GIANT hole and gap they feel. Many of them know they need therapy and help, but something a wounded person lacks is COMPOSURE. The thought of having to go through PROCESS is daunting, and therapy involves regiment, therefore process. So they walk around with gaping wounds, filling up their pain with people, places, things, events, etc.
Can someone know if they are opportunistic or not? This question sounds stupid but it’s real. Someone could be so enveloped in themselves that they are totally unaware of their true motives for doing what they do. The sad thing is once they are done with you, they hop on to another prospect, and create a LEGITIMATE illusion as to why they needed to leave you. Truth is, you are no longer a powerful
supply. You no longer have money, or you are older, or they just got tired of you.
That’s another thing with wounded people, they don’t have ROOTS, so nothing is rooted, not relationships, not love, not work, not nothing!!! They find it hard to work for someone. They think they are noble by starting their own business, but the truth is they don’t
they don’t find their supply through a healthy source(God, Counseling, Mentoring), they’ll find it through unhealthy methods(Selfish Ways, Using, Taking). They will subconsciously find a CONDUIT for their OPPORTUNISTIC agenda. Most of them are IGNORANT to the DEPTH of their problem. Their whole life has been built by networking and connections, and they BARELY give at the same measure in which they received. The sad thing is they are still broken people. The more they acquire, they more broken they become.
If you have been used by someone, pray for the person FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO. Forgive them and forgive yourself for putting yourself in a disadvantaged position. Then examine WHY you gave so much for so little. You’ll find out that your method of healing your own wounds was to heal somebody else’s wounds. RECIPE FOR DISASTER.
want to be controlled and dictated to, just like how dictative their childhood upbringing was. It’s easy for them to pull away because they were never grounded in the first place, and if they were, they are totally unforgiving when they are hurt. This is called PROJECTION. It’s not their fault. It’s childhood issues.
A broken person needs to be filled. If
Heal yourself through GOD, and He will lead you to healthy faces and spaces. Broken people break people! Remember that. Unless they are actively seeking help(Counseling, Mentoring) THEY WILL PEE EVERYWHERE THEY GO. At first they are strategic, and then they let it all hang out, because there is a grandiose in them that makes them feel invincible. It’s truly sad to watch!!! And boyyyyy are people fooled!!!
These people could be very successful because they channel all their pain into MAKING IT. No matter how high they reach, they will always be low in accountability. They are wounded, broken and honestly inept on so many levels. THEY KNOW THIS, and they hate this within themselves, but once again, the cure to their dilemma will be to SETTLE DOWN and HEAL(PROCESS), but they are forever chasing the NEXT HIGH, all in a quest to fill up the gap.
They are notorious for misrepresenting themselves and being misunderstood. They poop everywhere and do not care. They tell you how someone made them do it, or they blame it on someone else entirely. They can’t self reflect, therefore, they can’t Repent. They can apologize, but they cant repent. Read that again. They are lonely and barely have emotional and real relationships, because mutual supply is 99 to 1.
If you know someone like this, or if you are this person, there is healing at the cross for you. You have to have some sort of shame for all the damage
you’ve caused yourself and others, and then FIX it by fixing yourself.
Nobody will remember your money or clout or title, but they will remember how you broke them. Make sure you are not this person, because KARMA is not a friend
than being guided by consistent principles or plans.
con·duit / kän d(y)o o t/ Learn to pronounce noun
1.a channel for conveying water or other fluid.
“a conduit for conveying water to the power plant”
2. a tube or trough for protecting electric wiring. “the gas pipe should not be close to any electrical conduit”
op·por·tun·ist
/ äp r t(y)o on st/ Learn to pronounce noun a person who exploits circumstances to gain immediate advantage rather
“Self Reflection is key . If you cannot retrace your steps and have a sense of OBJECTIVITY, you’re doomed!”
LADY O }
Hi, I have ADHD and I hate when people tell me they can’t focus either. Girl, I see your organized lifestyle, and it isn’t cute when you try to relate. Unless of course you truly do. It also goes way beyond focus and being organized. I recognize there is a large population of individuals who struggle with this condition too, and wish I had known I did as a child. I just thought it was a temporary mindset that I would eventually outgrow. It is not, but growing up being undiagnosed and finally finding out makes things I did make more sense.
In fact I am now learning that it just isn’t ADHD, but in fact other neurodivergent personality disorders associated with it, that I have struggled with my entire life. Females go undiagnosed more so than boys, as for some biological reason females we learn to “mask” to fit in, where boys are labeled hyper or troubled, as they tend to act out more so than twirls. Masking is something I’m sure I’ve become a pro at, and didn’t even know I was doing it. It’s a new term I’ve recently been enlightened with, and now understand why when I express to friends I have social anxiety, they laugh and tell me I’m absurd. As I get along with everyone. Masking is the ability to recognize what traits are socially accepted per experience, and to then mimic said traits. To fit in. It’s emotionally draining and now makes sense why after social events I have to self isolate, sometimes even for days. It’s like recharging my energy.
Having ADHD became apparent to me when I started looking for signs and help for my own daughter who I knew was struggling as a child. I didn’t want to medicate her, so I tried to find techniques naturally. In doing so, I realized it wasn’t only my daughter, but myself who needed to find ways to cope and strategies to become organized, to focus and potentially not struggle through the day to day tasks that for most come easy. It still isn’t easy. I still
existing and fighting for you to hone in on them, the ongoing question if I’m good enough, but also knowing your way bend good. There are never not at least 10 thoughts bouncing around at one time. So just waking up in the morning is where the struggle begins. Coffee, at least there’s that. Sit, have coffee, think about a plan today. If there is not a structured already thought out plan, such as work, then who knows how or what will be of the day. That’s just the way this brain works. I know what needs to be done, but where does one begin, when there are multiple things to do? Sounds easy to most, Just pick one task and begin. To me, an overwhelmed brain makes choosing one thing just not good enough. I want to choose them all, And I want to get them all done at once.
wonder why I dented for so long that I should be researching for myself.
Every day is Waking up to a different song inside your head. It plays constantly over and over while you contemplate getting up. Along with a list of the days tasks, yesterday’s conversations that your analyzing, memories of making breakfast for kids who are now grown, the noises of the roosters outside crowing, the dog jumping into your face, some unknown clouded sounds that seem to always be
Then there’s the distractions. They are non stop, like being on a train where doors are opening, people are walking by, and the train constantly jostles on the track. I once thought this was how everyone’s brain worked. Holding one conversation while looking at a wall and trying to measure its length in your head and picturing it the color you plan to paint it. Thinking about the next cabinet you are installing in the kitchen and the hay bails you need to get for the goats. All thoughts all at once. All while a jingle plays off on another corner of your mind.
There are days I am super constructive and get so much done and the feeling of accomplishment puts me on high and
happy place. Yet alot of days where I’ve started things yet nothing seems to have gotten done and I fall into the useless unworthy pit. I try to recognize why this extreme change of behavior happens, but still have no answer. Or a way to even out the productivity.
I cringe when someone calls me, as the phone conversations make me uncomfortable, yet when I call someone it’s ok. I can be alright with a whole day or two alone, yet friends feel I need someone to stop by, so as to not be depressed. When honestly I need solitude to rebalance and shift my energy because I expressed it all in a social outing. I’m
learning this behavior is normal for individuals who also struggle with the same disorder as myself.
I’ve lived the majority of life wondering why I don’t fit the normal that wasn’t me. I fear in trying so hard to mask, I never truly got to embrace my true self. I have recently come across individuals who are transparent in the adult diagnosis and how they are now living in their comfort zone, unmasked. Which I too want to begin doing. I cannot Undo all of the actions my disorder held me accountable to, yet I can now understand so much more of the path I choose.
The emotions and feelings I held, and the uncomfortable life I was accustomed to, now doesn’t have to be my future self. I don’t have to fit in, or pretend I want to meet out when inside all I want to do is be alone, pet my dog and watch horror flicks. There is nothing wrong with saying no to plans. Or enjoying the company of animals and the great outdoors more than most people sometimes. My healthy mindset requires me to isolate and replenish my energy. I don’t have to be everyone else’s normal, to be content. In fact as long as I’m content, that’s my normal.
“Girl, I see your organized lifestyle, and it isn’t cute when you try to relate. Unless of course you truly do.”
If you are anything like me, prioritizing your creativity sounds like a luxury you rarely find time to fit into your schedule. Being in a state of creative flow is what refuels us and gives us the energy to take on the challenges in life that we face, big and small. My poor therapist spends every session forcing me to look at my calendar realistically and literally schedule a time for me to do my art at the end of my session. (I love that she pushes me!) My husband begs me to do that for myself almost daily. Yet, I end up getting derailed by all the other “things” that pop up throughout the day because I haven’t yet mastered making my mental well-being non-negotiable. Sound familiar?
We recently got back from a two-week trip to Italy. I’ve wanted to go since I was five years old. Standing in my great grandma’s kitchen as she made the most amazing Italian dishes felt like I was seeing their homeland play out in her dining room. My great uncles shared stories and laughter over homemade wine, cheese, fruit, bread, and all forms of pork-based cold cuts. It was what I assumed pure joy looked like. Her house was filled with amazing smells too and I wanted to experience what their lives must have been like over there. In Italy, as we walked around eating gelato in the piazzas or having an un café or an amazing dish of carbonara, we happily observed their way of life. It felt laid back and was lead with a zeal for everyday experiences and interactions. Their deep sense of community and loving rituals left a lasting impression on me about how I’d like to live my life going forward.
When we feed our souls, we are doing our
own miracle work and living from a place of Divine love. A Course in Miracles states, “Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.” You have a divinely given birthright to experience those miracles and find your joy.
When we ignore the call from our souls to do the things we love and celebrate the everyday like the Italians we witnessed do, we choose to live life chaotically (like most people in our country). Most of us ended up becoming more stressed and anxious. We miss the little things, like how the fall leaves colors reflect off the calm water. Or how the cool breeze smells of freshly fallen leaves. Our hearts, instead of feeling contentment and in the moment, feel like they’re running a marathon. We are tapped out and can’t take on one more thing. Our stress cups (as my therapist refers to them as), are already overflowing. Adding more angst to that cup only adds to our inner pain and exhaustion.
How many times have you sworn you were going to turn your phone off or never look at social media or the news? I’ve personally lost count of my own calls to hide away in a cave somewhere where I’m unreachable and know nothing of the outside world’s craziness or what anyone needs from me. I’ve officially never found the cave anyway. Instead, we all continue doing what we’ve always done as women; be the one who solves all things, finds the keys, gets the kids to soccer on time and knows everyone’s birthdays to send out the cards on time. Don’t even get me started about the upcoming holidays. By the time everyone has gone to bed, you get to breathe.
Here’s the kicker, though. When we don’t show up for our creative voice, we can’t be fully our best selves. We show up as the half-drained shell of a human that could cry at the drop of a hat if one more thing lands on the to-do list. We have given those around us the clues that read as though we are continually available to them at our own expense. We then reinforce our own damaging self-beliefs that we come last. Martyrdom becomes our norm, and we wear it like a badge of honor. When we show up filled with resentment, people around us feel that and it slowly damages not only those relationships but our own level of self-love.
I was once the worst offender of this kind of self-loathing. I wasn’t mad at others. I was so mad at myself for not prioritizing my own joy through the act of creating. It had become so second-nature that I still slide back into that way of being when I’m not living mindfully. Especially in my new town where things have challenged the self-love practices, I had just gotten good at.
We currently live in a quiet area that is three hours from my family and most of my friends. Having to rediscover myself in a place that I sometimes feel disconnected from has me relearning how to be the person I had just become shortly before moving. I have had to allow myself to drop my pride and accept the loving hand my husband continually offers to me. Our role reversal has been a challenging adjustment for me but one that I’m now realizing probably resisted for decades. Now, it feels like we are equals and one heck of a great team. It’s too bad it took me so long to realize I’m deserving of that kind of love and support.
Surrounding ourselves with a team of people we trust and have our best interests at heart is a powerful tool. Take time to look around you and feel into who amongst those you know and love who can be that for you. You deserve that as much as I or anyone else does. It’s okay if you feel the need to start fresh and join a book club, take a class, or check out the local yoga studio to find folks that share your core values and cheer loudly for others’ success. When I call on them during my best times and my worst ones, I feel buoyed by their encouragement or their sitting with me through the hardest moments. It’s an allowance and a gift they give you to just “be.”
My therapist asked me just today what just “being” looked like to me? Luckily, I’ve asked myself that question countless times. It gave us time to develop a plan to make that reality for me by week’s end. I felt myself take a deep, cleansing breath when I physically put it on my calendar. What would that look like for you? Does it involve the phone on airplane mode and letting folks know that on Friday you will be taking four hours of time just for you to paint uninterrupted?
That scenario or something beautifully similar, is possible. Even if it’s just for a few minutes or a week or maybe two. Share that with someone you trust, and they may want to take up that practice for their own hearts, too.
Taking steps towards “me” time also involves loving boundaries around a self-love practice. Imagine yourself
inside of a bubble filled with bright, sparkling light that feeds your soul and honors your deepest wishes for your life. Would you allow anything negative or fear-based into that bubble? Probably not wittingly. When you find yourself in a position of choosing between your joy and self-sacrifice, reside in that bubble for a bit to weigh out whether you’d like it to come in and would it be of service to you and all others? If the answer is “no,” let it bounce off your bubble like a ping pong ball. If it’s a “yes,” welcome it in with loving arms for as long as it is of service to do so. You get to make that call. It also strengthens your ability to feel good about the boundaries you’ve created for yourself without having to explain them to a single soul. Just be sure that your boundaries not only honor you but also honor those they can affect. When we live from a place of pure love for ourselves and all others, your choices are received with respect and gratitude by people who truly care about us. The rest will fall away.
Marianne Williamson states that, “we are all meant to shine as children do.” Prioritizing your purpose and contentment can not only help you to shine but also lead others towards their own lights simply by honoring your own. Like I have said in almost every article; you are that powerful. You can be the catalyst for positive change. You just have to decide you are worthy of that peace and profound happiness (because you are!). You and I will continue to forge that path for ourselves and lead the way for others who are new on a journey towards prioritizing their creative side. Taking
time for things that renew hearts and strengthen our divine light not only makes us better human beings. It also sends genuinely needed love out into the world and our Universe. We become leaders towards something richer where those who were afraid before can now feel safe to just be themselves. It’s an expression of love that we are nurturing not only for ourselves but for all beings when we value our need to live the life we’ve been called to lead.
“Surrounding ourselves with a team of people we trust and have our best interests at heart is a powerful tool. ”
Lesson #4: You do not need to make other people comfortable with your pain.
A habit I had to break over the last few years is the habit I had of hiding my pain. The urge to pretend everything is okay. The fear that if I wasn’t okay, then it meant something was wrong with me. The fear that my emotions would make other people embarrassed or uncomfortable. But, guess what, you do not have to make other people comfortable with your pain.
Think about the common greeting we have here in America.
You run into someone and they say “Hey, how’s it going?” And our ingrained response is “Good, and you?”
From early on we are taught to hide our feelings, because no one wants to say “Bad, it’s actually been a crappy day.” Because we don’t want to bother others or make them uncomfortable with your burdens. But, it’s not our responsibility to make others comfortable.
If you are sad, don’t hide that sadness just because you think it will make other people uncomfortable. Express it. Cry if you need to.
If you are uncomfortable with how someone is treating you, don’t internalize it just because you think it might embarrass them. Say something.
BY DEVAN ROBINSONIf you are upset, don’t swallow the anger, use it. Figure out what’s causing it and understand it. Be fierce. Don’t be afraid to be angry just because people might think you are too intense or aggressive.
Social conditioning has created this unspoken rule that it is our responsibility to make others comfortable around us. Which then causes us to hide our feelings. But that causes more problems for us. When we keep everything bottled up then we don’t have a chance to actually process our feelings. We don’t learn how to cope or adjust or work through the feelings.
This is how he get stuck in the same patterns. This is how we become unable to move forward.
Don’t keep your feelings bottled up just because the norm is for feelings to stay inside our heads.
Put yourself first. Worry about yourself and understanding your own feelings rather than worrying about how others will react to them.
This is all easy to say, but how do we actually do this? Talking.
Talk about your feelings and emotions.
Communication is the key in this situation. Normally people will tell you to journal about it, but that’s not enough. You need to talk about it. Not only with others, but also with yourself. Words are so powerful, so
use them to your advantage. When you catch yourself feeling a strong emotion try talking to yourself in the mirror about it. Ask yourself what emotion you are having, where is it coming from, and what do you want to do about it. Do this without judgement. Not judging yourself for having feelings is a hard thing to do. It takes time, so make sure to practice self-compassion and patience with yourself.
Take some time to get to know you and feel comfortable with your emotions. Once you do, it will be easier not to care about others comfort level with your emotions too.
Warmly, Devan
About the Author Devan Robinson is the author of “What’s Your Worth? And I Don’t Mean Money.”, motivational speaker, and life coach for female entrepreneurs. She helps women gain confidence and understand their strengths so they can reach their goals without guilt, shame, or fear. When she isn’t working on changing the world, you can usually find her hanging out with her dogs, spending time with her husband, or watching Netflix. If you are interested in learning more about her, check out her website www. developingwithdevan.com
“If you are sad, don’t hide that sadness just because you think it will make other people uncomfortable. Express it. Cry if you need to.”
Build from the ground up, sometimes start with the shoes. There are occasions when I look for unique shoes that I may have not worn in a while and build a look from them. In the words of John Witherspoon in the Boomerang movie “you got to coordinate”, so other times begin with the accessories. Everything does not have to be matchy, matchy, but it should make a statement and express your style. For example, if there is a necklace with more than one color, a look can be created from it. Same goes for a scarf or colors that may not typically be worn together.
What are your looks inspired by, is a question I often get from clients. I do look at fashion magazines occasionally, but it’s not what solely inspires me because I always want to be unique. I’m a stylist for looks like an artist is for a blank canvas. I love classics; however, I enjoy putting my spin on it, that’s where the creative side of me emerges. This can hold true for anyone, use something as your inspiration and make it exceptional.
For my clients, often, I learn their profession, hobbies, favorite things, favorite colors, what they normally wear and of course their body type. I take all of this into consideration when deciding looks for them. Also, if it is a special occasion, I
learn the venue and possibly the theme. This gets my creative juices flowing and I typically select items that they ordinarily would not wear, to bring together multiple looks. Of course, they must approve, however, so far, I have a 90 plus percentage of successfully nailing a look for my clients that they frequently say would have never entered the equation.
Many times, I’m inspired to create looks from travel a character in a movie or a style icon such as Audrey Hepburn or Lucille Ball, I know the millennials and Z-ers are thinking, who? You can admire someone else’s style and make it your own, don’t emulate exactly, use it as a stimulus. Have fun expressing yourself with different textures, prints and patterns and of course color. Some have expensive taste, however, struggle with bringing the entire look together, (I am indebted to add), this is where a stylist should enter the picture.
Accessories can be your friend, don’t underestimate them. As stated in my opening paragraph, you can utilize an accessory to be the catalyst for a look or you can enhance a basic look with statement accessories, whether they are artistic glasses, opulent beads, or a quirky hat. You can look like the lady next door or the next top model, the level to which
you take it is up to you. Whether it is straight leg or wide leg, you can take a black pair of slacks and go just about any direction with them.
Some looks come from the occasion, the venue, or a feeling. For example, if I’m feeling blah or if it is raining, I look for the brightest colors in my wardrobe, I encourage my clients to do the same. You can mix two eras, you can mix genres, you can mix high end with thrift, you can mix tailored with unmodified. Create a signature look (or have your stylist do so), and stick with it or deviate from it, you create the rules and make it your own. At the end of styling, the goal is to ensure it flatters your body type and expresses your personal style. And dare I say defines you.
Your look can be edgy or stately, you can be daring or conservative. Your style can evolve as you mature or change careers, however, it should always make a statement. You can be on the cutting edge or boho chic, whatever your look, own it with an air of confidence. Fashion trends have their place, but style defines you and you define your style. Your style customarily reflects who you are, you can confirm it, reinvent it, or reclaim it, either way, style is an artform, visual art, and/or creative expression.
fun doing it. Yours in Style! www.
Every time I turn on the weekend news there seems to be something about mental health, and the challenges youth have encountered coming out of a nearly two year long shutdown. While I love working with kids for yoga and wellness I wanted to sit down with a true expert working with youth in the community so interviewed Shari Hogan of Soushine Healing Arts Wellness Center.
As a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner, what do you see as some of the biggest challenges for youth in our community right now?
There are many problems facing kids today. The increase in violence can be felt nationally and here locally. Access to weapons and opiates are significantly increasing sudden deaths amongst young people. Social media prematurely exposes children to adult topics, potential predators and creates unnecessary drama, emotional pain and insecurity that are consequently leaving kids feeling isolated and not valued. Post pandemic ripples are magnifying the struggles to meet academic standards and adjusting to in person learning again.
What might be a sign that a child might be struggling?
Signs a child is struggling can be problems with falling and staying asleep and overall sleep quality. Red flags that there are underlying issues will often appear as a child uncharacteristically acting out, pushing boundaries to more of an extreme, having emotional meltdowns, and
When a teen is struggling this can present as them sleeping more, isolating themselves in their bedroom and avoiding family interaction. Their grades often decline and they may lose interest in extracurriculars or activities they previously enjoyed participating in.
College age students often struggle with their new responsibilities and independence. The adjustment can be understandably overwhelming and it’s really important to check in with them and offer support.
Encouraging them to use additional academic resources in subjects they may be struggling with can help alleviate some of the pressure. Sending surprise care packages is always a fantastic way to help cure their homesickness!
You are very east meets west! You are a Reiki Master. What is reiki for anyone who isn’t familiar with it, and how do you blend eastern and western medicine together?
Blending Eastern and Western medicine combines the best of both practices by treating patients holistically through mind, body, & spirit. Eastern approaches such as Reiki originate from Japan and is a gentle hands-on relaxation technique proven to help people of all ages. Yoga, mindfulness, and meditation are also very effective tools that help children
develop healthy coping skills from a young age. Western medicine certainly has its place, but I have found families appreciate the option of integrating eastern approaches with their children before opting for pharmaceuticals. Natural treatment options can generate profoundly positive results on their own or incorporated into the overall treatment plan, we find many times less is more.
I was talking to a friend about reiki over the summer and her face looked panicked when I brought it up. She thought reiki was conjuring up spirits from the backyard. Are there any misconceptions about reiki you would like to clear up?
I think the big misconception of Reiki is because it’s working with energy. We cannot see energy and often if it’s not something we can see or hold we tend to fear or doubt it. The truth is we are all energy and emotions are energy that are constantly circulating around the body. When energy is blocked it lowers our vibration and can cause more illness and disease. Reiki helps to release excessive and blocked energy from the body. During a 30-minute treatment I incorporate other tools like calming music or essential oils that help the child become deeply relaxed, calm and grounded. I moved my hands around the body to specific places where energy becomes stuck, and in a very brief time kids feel better. The results have been incredible and it’s such a joy to see the relief from both parents and children.
Do you have any recommendations for parents that are just fed up?
Advice for parents that are fed upwe have all been there! Parenting is challenging and hard work! I suggest taking it one day at a time, being present and focused on what your family needs for today- and do your best. Try not to get caught up and overwhelmed with tomorrow and the next day. Take time for you. Seek help if you need it- there is nothing wrong with needing support. Podcasts and audible books are a great resource! Tell us about your new location,
Soulshine Healing Arts Wellness Center so folks know what to expect.
Soulshine has been a labor of love for me. As a pediatric nurse practitioner - I originally opened Soulshine 15 years ago - trying to integrate with traditional western medicine and pediatric oncology. The timing was not right and so we are back for round two - with an amazing space on the Erie Canal in Brockport. There is something for everyone and we all need a little nurturing. I provide mental health services and can accept some insurances for youth 21 years and younger. Yoga therapy, reiki, chair
massage, far- infrared sauna, regular and inclusive meditation/yoga classes, astrology readings, metaphysical/ painting nights are some of the current offerings. We also offer a monthly women’s empowerment circle led by Becca Phelps. We are creating a community that is safe to rest, promotes healing, instills peace, and encourages belonging. Life is hard and the more we support each other and incorporate new tools to our arsenal, the stronger we are for it!
To connect with Shari or or learn about programming, visit soulshineforhealing.com.
“I think the big misconception of Reiki is because it’s working with energy. We cannot see energy and often if it’s not something we can see or hold we tend to fear or doubt it.”
There are so many reasons to meditate! Chilling out is the first one that comes to mind.
With this ever-present swirl of activity in our culture, the art of meditating provides a time to chill. To stand still. To do absolutely nothing.
It allows us not to be doing – doing – doing! Meditating allows us to simply be.
What is that anyway? To be?
Breathe. Going back to our roots. The breath.
Have you ever done a sesshin before? It is a mulit-day silent meditation retreat led in the zen buddhist way. The basic form looks like this. Breathe. Focus on your breathing. Count your breathing. Breathe.
Yes. It may sound … dreadful? But it’s not. It’s strangely calming. After focusing on nothing but your breath for three days, you return to your innocence. And you sleep like a baby.
Every now and then, when I have restless nights, I recall my experience during a meditation sesshin. Soon the soothing blissful breathing brings me into a peaceful sleep.
I wrote Meditation Made Simple: 7 Steps to Create Calm & Clarity in order to provide simple steps
toward achieving that natural state of innocence. This is for everyone. Those of you who have meditated before, those who may have a regular practice, and those who have never even attempted.
You may think it’s all kinds of things, some of which may be correct. But I hope to clear up any confusion.
For instance, meditation can be as simple as taking one minute to settle one’s emotions. I like to call it the 10 count exercise. Here’s how you do it.
When you encounter a stressful situation, stop, take a deep breath in and out, and then begin your count to 10.
As you count, coordinate your breath so that when you take your first inhale, you state ‘1’.
Continue this method, counting the next number on the beginning of each inhale until you get to the number 10.
By then you are chilled out! And in a state of calm.
You are ‘being’ rather than doing. This allows you to ‘respond’ to the situation rather than ‘react’.
In my newly released book on Amazon, you’ll learn how to meditate, where to meditate, and when to meditate! These may all be tailored to your
own unique personality and lifestyle.
The benefits are many. Being calm, cool, and collected are some of them. Being clear and focused are others.
How many times a day do you find yourself rattled or overwhelmed with the to-do’s on your list?
By meditating, you allow the most important items to rise to the top. It also supports you by allowing the other less pertinent items to rest for the time being.
Here’s the thing with lists. They rarely go away. Being able to focus on priorities and getting that one thing done is what is important.
There are a few fun styles of meditation listed in my book. These are under the heading of ‘one-pointed meditation’. In each, you focus your attention on something outside of yourself like a candle, a flower or water.
When meditating with a candle, you would light the candle and gaze into it. At first you may be aware of the color and shape of the flame, the way it flickers in the air. You may notice the color of the wax and actually see it melt.
As you continue with this meditation, you will begin to soften your gaze and come into a place of calm. A place where nothing exists except for you and the candle.
Entering into a state of calm is ultimately the goal.
When you enter into your natural state of being, you then access your inner wisdom. All the answers are here within each and every one of you.
Meditation Made Simple: 7 Steps to Calm & Clarity is published on Amazon. Download your copy today!
Alana Cahoon is a master teacher of meditation, conscious leadership and energy healing; and is the author
of Amazon Bestseller: Mindfulness, Mantras & Meditations.
www.AlanaCahoon.com
“When you enter into your natural state of being, you then access your inner wisdom. All the answers are here within each and every one of you.”
Shoulder pain is a common complaint amongst many older adults. Multiple reasons may cause your shoulder pain and discomfort. There is trauma or injury, including rotator cuff tear or full rupture. There are overuse injuries, including bursitis and tendonitis. The most common cause of shoulder pain is “impingement syndrome.” Some common symptoms of shoulder impingement include neck pain, shoulder pain, limited range of motion, numbness in the upper extremity, and weakness of the arm. Movements that stimulate pain are reaching behind your back, lifting your arms overhead, or lowering your arm from a lifted position. The pain is typically felt in the front of the shoulder and radiates into the side of the arm. These symptoms do not typically occur instantly; they progressively worsen over time and with overuse. In this article, we will discuss what shoulder impingement is and how you can treat shoulder pain.
Shoulder impingement is defined as “inflammation of the shoulder joint from repetitive activities.” This is often exacerbated by overhead reaching or increased lifting/activity and is usually a result of abnormal muscle activation. This abnormal muscle activation can
occur when the muscles become unbalanced due to postural deficits. In our world of forwarding posture at the computers, cell phone use, and dayto-day activities, we create imbalances in our musculature. Impingement, and the pain associated with it, happens when the postural muscles in our mid back between our shoulder blades (middle trapezius, lower trapezius, and rhomboids) are not working correctly to stabilize our scapular border. Our
over-stretched muscles in the mid back and overly tight muscles in the front of the chest will decrease the space that the tendons, nerve routes, and muscles have to run through the top of the shoulder joint, known as the AC joint. Then those muscles, tendons, and nerve routes get pinched or impinged between the head of our humerus and the AC Joint. The decreased space in the joint causes rubbing and fraying of the tendons and muscles, causing inflammation.
Strengthening the rotator cuff and the muscles in our mid back and stretching the pectoral muscles can restore proper posture and motion in the shoulder joint, decreasing pain and inflammation.
So, what can be done to address this?
rotator cuff muscles (teres minor and infraspinatus) are not working correctly to depress the head of the humerus in the joint. Additionally, when we have weak postural and core muscles, we tend to round our shoulders forward and slouch. This shortens our chest muscles, also known as our pectoralis muscles, causing them to become tight, further compressing the joint and impinging the muscles, tendons, and nerves that run through the Acromion joint. The combination of
There are many things you can do to treat shoulder impingement. Physical Therapy is the most critical step you can make to decrease your shoulder impingement pain. A Physical Therapist will provide a full assessment of your movement patterns. We can first run you through evaluatory steps to pinpoint what is causing your shoulder pain. We can identify which muscles are tight and weak and prescribe specific exercises to correct the imbalances.
Other options to decrease your shoulder pain are rest and ice. When your shoulder is inflamed, using an icepack
will help decrease the inflammation and decrease the pain. While rest and ice will alleviate symptoms, it is a temporary fix. A medical doctor can prescribe medications to help with decreased pain and inflammation. This, again, is just a temporary fix. It does not address the reason behind the inflammation. A combination between rest, ice, medications, and appropriate exercise through physical therapy is the best treatment for an impinged shoulder. This way, you treat the symptoms and the cause.
With exercise, strengthening weak muscles and stretching tight muscles allows the shoulder joint to move
appropriately, decreasing compression and pain. Below are some simple exercises that can help with this: · Scapular squeezes. Pull your shoulder blades back and down. You should feel the muscles between those shoulder blades working and a slight stretch in the front of your chest.
Doorway pectoral stretch: Stand in a doorway with your forearm against the door jam. Then, lean forwards through the doorway, so your arm is stretched behind you. You should feel a stretch in the front of your chest.
Lay flat on your back: This will be our favorite (maybe). This can be extremely
helpful in opening up the chest and letting the spine extend and stretch.
Wellness 360 provides one-to-one specialized treatment for shoulder impingement and so much more. Our team of specialized Physical Therapists and Medical Massage therapists works together to provide a comprehensive treatment based on your symptoms and imbalances. For more information or to make an appointment to have your shoulder evaluated, give Wellness 360 a call! (585) 259-0782
“Shoulder pain is a common complaint amongst many older adults. Multiple reasons may cause your shoulder pain and discomfort.”
You haven’t had balsamic vinegar until you have gone to the source, Modena, Italy
I had the good fortune to spend time in September traveling in Italy with my husband and his family. We all stayed in a villa just north of Parma and did day trips to various cities and villages, including Modena, the home of “Aceto Balsamico di Modena.”
There were three highlights of our day in Modena: a wonderful market, the Pavarotti Museum, and of course, Bottega Giusti. My husband and I discovered Bottega Giusti while wandering and we went in to do a tasting. We learned that Bottega Giusti was founded by Giuseppe Giusti in 1605. Giusti is the oldest producer of balsamic vinegar in Modena.
Today, the company is run by the 17th generation of the Giusti family. Over the course of a 400-year history the company has won many awards, including 14 gold medals during the World Exhibitions in the late 1800’s. In 1929, Giusti was named the official supplier of the King of Italy, the Savoia family, and granted the right to include the Royal Seal of Approval to their products.
Giuseppe Giusti was one of the first to document his rules for obtaining the perfect balsamic vinegar. Historically there was an oral tradition of passing on the recipes. Giusti’s key elements
in perfection include: the quality of the raw materials, long ageing time, and casks that have been used to age balsamic vinegar for centuries.
The shop was staffed by a welcoming and knowledgeable young woman. She explained the process of producing balsamic vinegar and guided us through a tasting. We tasted the grape must that is the basis for balsamic vinegar and several different vinegars.
Now, you might think that balsamic
black cherries, and sweet spices.”
I have never tasted a balsamic like this anywhere. It is delicious and a little bit goes a long way. Just a drizzle over salad or vegetables adds incredible flavor. Balsamic vinegar has beneficial antioxidants and it is a source of calcium, potassium, and magnesium.
How do you know if your balsamic vinegar is the real deal? Authentic balsamic vinegar will always be labelled Aceto Balsamico Tradizionale and carry the “Denominazione di Origine Protetta” (DOP) stamp — a European Union certification that guarantees an ingredient’s quality, production, and place of origin. The only ingredient is grape must.
would cost less in Modena like I did. However, like with anything, you get what you pay for. We purchased one 3.4-ounce bottle of their Condimento Il Banda Rosa – costing 34 euros ($33.66.) Why? Because of the superior quality of the product.
“The ‘Banda Rosa’ is the ultimate pride and expression of the art of Giusti vinegars. Of great body and concentration, it is distinguished by its extraordinary complexity and rich bouquet of aromas. Notes of plum,
If you happen to get to Italy, you can find Bottega Giusti flagship stores in Modena, Milan, and Bologna. You can visit the Giusti Museum in Modena. If you don’t have the opportunity to travel to Modena, you can book a virtual tour of the museum on the Giusti website: https:// giusti.it/en/visit/.
At Blissful Balance LLC, our mission is to help you to live life healthier. You can follow us on Facebook @ blissfullbalanceroc and Instagram @blissfull_balance. Contact me at cindydecarolis62@gmail.com for health coaching.
Peace, bliss, and balance
“I have never tasted a balsamic like this anywhere. It is delicious and a little bit goes a long way. Just a drizzle over salad or vegetables adds incredible flavor.”
Who doesn’t love to hear “You look amazing!” or “You can’t be that age!”? My personal favorite is: “You look far too young to be a grandmother!”
You know what’s even better? Not feeling your age! When you are living a pain free and active life doing what you want when you want is fabulous. As we know though, aging means losing strength, elasticity, and energy. Everything we are exposed to in our environment and buildup of processed foods keeps compiling more and more free radicals that are attacking our cells. This is called oxidative stress and as it continues to build, we continue to age. We become weaker, wrinklie, and lack the energy we once had. Some of us may be more aware of the process and try including more and more antioxidants that work on “gobbling up” those free radicals, but there’s only so much we can eat in a day.
You may not know that scientists have been researching aging and how to slow the process for decades. They may not find “The Fountain of Youth” but keys to unlock the aging process & help people live longer, healthier, more productive lives. Last year Tony Robbins released a book titled “LIFE FORCE” that went in depth about some easily accessible as well as more extreme options that have been trialed or being used to turn back the hands of time.
As science works to help us age better new terms have been coined and
nutrigenomics is one of my favorites. Nutrigenomics focuses on how food & nutrients interact with our genes. We all have different genes, so some is different for all of us. Different people are predisposed genetically for certain diseases and illnesses than others. Focusing on the healing properties of foods, vitamins, and supplements help people reduce their risk for disease, improve their mood and gut health, and even help their eyes. That’s right. In my home, we use products from a company called Lifevantage. Lifevantage may be one of the best kept secrets on the market. Being a cancer survivor, I started using a tri-synergizer (3 products that help repair our cells to address that pesky oxidative stress issue I mentioned).
A couple years ago my father was diagnosed with macular degeneration. His eye doctor prescribed him folic acid & recommended an eye vitamin from Amazon. Then, Lifevantage developed an eye supplement called ICBright (catch that? I See Bright? Clever, huh?) I compared the ingredients in the two and found the ICBright was even better, so armed with knowledge and ingredients, we asked the doctor.
To my surprise, the doctor already knew about the Lifevantage ICBright and agreed it was a better supplement than the one he had recommended…. and they are the same price! This is a perfect example of nutrigenomics. According to my father’s doctor, these supplements appear to help to slow the progression of the type of macular degeneration he has. Honestly, even if it’s not helping there is nothing bad
in them to hurt and he BELIEVES it’s working so although no natural products; vitamins and supplements can make claims to heal or help according to the US FDA, we all can agree with the old adage, “You are what you eat.” Before medications, people only had certain springs of water, foods, and herbs that were accessible to them and pray for good genes.
There are a few area to consider to make yourself feel and look younger. They will be different for each of us depending on our family and lifestyle background. They are immune health, gut health, energy, generalized wellness, weight management, and skin/hair care. Immune health has been at the forefront of most peoples minds most recently due to the pandemic. My personal fear is some people have potentially damaged a little of their own immune system by overusing antibacterial everything. The hand sanitizers and hyper-cleaning kills off good and bad bacteria. We all have some good bacteria on our skin to help us ward off bad bacteria and the same is said for our gut health. There are essential oils like THIEVES from Young Living oils and ON GUARD from doTerra oils that help our immune system naturally. Washing our hands with basic soap and water is ideal instead of antibacterial soap or hand sanitizers. There are also multiple supplements and vitamins like C, D3, and zinc to support your immune health. Foods such as citrus fruits, broccoli, ginger, garlic, red bell peppers, and spinach are good for your immunity.
Gut health is a huge topic in the US because our diet does not support a healthy gut. The amount of gluten, alcohol, sugar, and processed foods as well as GMOs and pesticides literally thin the barrier between our gut (intestine) and the rest of our bodies creating leaking of the bad stuff and making us all feel sluggish and have inflammation. I am not telling everyone they need to go gluten free, never touch a drop of alcohol, and eat only organic (although it wouldn’t hurt) but to be proactive and consider the quantities that we are putting into our bodies. Again, based on your own experiences, lifestyle, and genes you can seek a supplement or shake help heal your gut. You can also look at your diet and include a few more Mediterranean diet options to your diet. Foods such as ginger, oats, apples, flaxseed, legumes, prebiotic & probiotics, mushrooms, and grains can be good start. Your doctor or local nutritionist can help you if you are concerned about your gut and how this may be impacting you personally.
Energy is something we all want more of, isn’t it? I watch my 5- & 7-year-old grandchildren run and play all day long and wish I could harness some of that for myself. Why is that kind of energy provided to kids when I could be so productive if I have a percentage of that in a day? However, healing your gut, eating more antioxidants, practicing wellness principles can all improve your energy level, can’t it? Foods like bananas, sweet potatoes, oatmeal, spinach, avocado, eggs, lentils, fruits, green tea, berries, dark
chocolate, and Omega-3s like salmon are all energy supporting foods. In the end, those things can also help with weight management. I have my own weight problems and sometimes it can be food and drink related, but overall, it is not. I also believe there are things happening with my hormones and how my body controls its own metabolism. Not every overweight person is a glutton as portrayed on TV. If this sounds like you as well, I encourage you to seek a doctor that does not simply recommend gastric surgery but an endocrinologist willing to work through the process with you. Our bodies work on a hormonal web that all interact together and hormones certain change as we age. Don’t just accept that it is what it is and seek help. It may be easier said than done but could be well worth it in the end.
Skin & Hair Care Skin and Hair Care is the most obvious to feel you look younger, but I saved it for last because your body is more important. Food wise, you are seeing a trend throughout this article, I am sure. Avocados, broccoli, ginseng, berries, red bell peppers, edamame, dark chocolate, salmon, pomegranates, citrus fruits, and green tea are a sample of great nourishment for your body, skin, and hair. Elasticity of the skin has a lot to do with collagen breakdown as we age and there is a plethora of collagen supplements on the market as well as other anti-aging products. Anti-aging is a $5 Billion industry from peels to oils and supplements to creams. I personally love the liquid collagen supplement I drink daily
from Lifevantage. I also have a dear friend who has found amazing results with her naturally curly hair from Audere, a new hair care line this year. Whatever you feel works best for you from Arbonne to Wella if you like it, stick with it. Here is my one caveat. Look at the ingredients. Try to stay in the more natural. The excessive use of chemicals, colors, and fragrances added to products continues to build up that toxic portfolio of free radicals that your body is trying to fight off. Your thyroid gland (metabolism) is very sensitive to these chemicals.
If you follow me, you’ve heard this before and will again. Wellness is found in getting outside with nature and taking a walk. Fresh air, meditation, getting as much sunshine as you can get (not always easy as we come upon winter in NY) and keeping your body in motion is a huge component to generalized wellness, reducing blood pressure, improving mood, and maintaining brain health. See you next time!
Join me at www.seniorwellbeingsolutions. com for blogs, emails, to learn more about Lifevantage, and a new subscription service that highlights a wellness topic every month with fun activities, recipes, and more! You can leave me messages and subscribe to emails, newsletters, or the monthly subscription and more! You can also subscribe to my YouTube station www.youtube.com/ @ planforwellness-aging-coach
“Who doesn’t love to hear “You look amazing!” or “You can’t be that age!”? My personal favorite is: “You look far too young to be a grandmother!”
