Dec 2011/Jan 2012 On the Minds of Moms

Family Fun Special

on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC

EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

COPY EDITOR Deb Uglem

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On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

publication

caitlin killoran buffalo | nd

Originally from Colgate, ND, Caitlin is a graduate of North Dakota State University where she majored in Management & Health Communication. She is now an Independent Consultant for Rodan + Fields Dermatologists and stays very busy launching the clinical skin care line in North Dakota and Minnesota. Caitlin and her husband Justin have been married for 3 years and raise their girls BriElle [5] and Emercyn [2] on the family farm outside of Buffalo, ND. As a former Miss ND Teen USA, she enjoys keeping up-to-date on the pageant scene, singing and spending time with her family and friends. She has also found a love for photography which allows her to capture all of the special moments that her family has blessed her with.

deb uglem

moorhead | mn

Raised in Finely, ND, Deb has called Moorhead, MN her home for the last 10 years. Deb has been a stay-at-home mom since returning to the Fargo-Moorhead area. She graduated from Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications. She is excited about her newfound time to write and finds it a welcome distraction to her daily activities. Most daily to-do’s center around her four children’s sport and school activities. Jake [17], Tony [16], Nick [16] and Emily [14] keep both her and husband Tim running in several directions. During her free time you can find her putting in some road miles, spending time with friends, or on the golf course.

susan mathison, md

Fargo native Dr. Susan Mathison is a Stanford-educated, double board-certified physician and founder of Catalyst Medical Center.  Patients there benefit from innovative treatments for skin, allergies, sinuses, ENT issues, hearing and balance, in a beautiful setting with compassionate providers. While her busy private practice is a prime focus, she created PositivelyBeautiful.com to discuss the intersection of medical science, the art of beauty and soul-saving self-care. Dr. Mathison also enjoys spending time with her beautiful son, Grant, husband Steve, six siblings, parents and long-time friends.

heather bjur

western mn

Originally from northern Iowa, Heather [a UNI alum] and hubby, Chris [an NDSU alum] joke about having a friendly rivalry right in their own home.  She currently practices marriage and family therapy at Valley Christian Counseling Center in Fargo.  When she's not conducting therapy sessions, she's blowing bubbles and making sand pies in the backyard with her sweet boys, Elijah [3] and Ezra [1]. An avid baker and cook, her secret wish is to one day become the next Barefoot Contessa.

patricia carlson

dilworth | mn

Patricia Carlson is an award-winning journalist whose work spans magazines, television, radio, newspapers and the internet. She's produced, written, edited and directed programs for ESPN Radio, History Channel and Hallmark Channel. Patricia has worked as a television news reporter and currently is the Sunday morning news anchor at KFGO AM 790. She also is a regular contributor to several magazines based in the Midwest. When she's not writing, Patricia loves spending time with her baby girl and husband. You can view her work at www. patriciacarlsonfreelance.com

in 5 teen girls have texted or posted online nude or semi-nude photos of themselves

100 miles per hour—the speed a sneeze leaves your nose

For more information on soyfoods or FREE recipesPhone: (888) 469-6409

www.ndsoybean.org

sources: abc news | realfacts.com | fun in life

Born and raised in the Fargo-Moorhead area, Tammy Jo grew up with two younger brothers, Keith and Roger [Roger passed away in October 2008 and is missed everyday by his big sister] At the age of six, she was asked to do a local fashion show and was hooked She continued modeling through her teen years eagerly taking advantage of wearing beautiful clothes [no hand-me-downs], having fancy hair and spending ample time at the Mall Modeling also offered an escape from reality and the “dysfunctional” home Tammy Jo and her brothers lived in Always the protector and confidant, Tammy Jo had dreams of becoming a child counselor and helping children with backgrounds similar to hers, but she quickly learned that her college savings fund would not stretch far enough She returned to her high school place of employment at Hardees and become General Manager, a position that offered her the opportunity to be a mentor, a safe-haven, a listening ear and caring friend for many employees going through life’s trials and tribulations For the past 12 years Tammy Jo has been a Scheduling Coordinator of Radiology for the Institute of Diagnostic Imaging in Fargo and genuinely looks forward to going to work every day Away from work, Tammy Jo is committed to a regular gym routine, is a huge baseball fan, loves spending long days on the Harley with hubby and best friend, Brian and calls her son, Dustin [22], the best part of her life! Tammy Jo is the first to agree that live doesn’t always go the direction you assume it will, but usually there is a reason for the journey you are on “Life threw me some curve balls,” she explains “But I am in no position to complain and say ‘poor me ’ I love the way my life has developed I wouldn’t trade mine for anybody’s ”

photos: rialee photography | lindsey johnson

momtammyjomonson age46,westfargond

mod

I could easily be the spokesperson for… diet dr pepper.

if i could be famous it would be for… my thrifting ability…I find the best deals!

I’m pretty good at… coming up with ideas and solutions to situations. ways i stay connected to my son… I talk openly and honestly with him on any issue we are visiting about. I also text him and if he is home, I leave him notes, and of course Facebook. my girlfriends give me… my womanly confidence, bring my silly back and make me feel young!

something i feel strongly about… being honest with my son. the tv show i never miss…

I love cop shows, my dvr is full!

I feel beautiful when…

my husband smiles at me for no reason.

I would describe my parenting style as… Brian and I had a pretty open parenting style with Dustin; we had to because of the dysfunction that was my family. Dustin was exposed to pretty crazy things as a young child, but being honest and open about life and all it has [good and bad], got us all through it and Dustin turned out better than I could have ever hoped for. He is a pretty great guy.

a healthy snack/meal i can’t get enough of… hmmm, that changes all the time, but right now it’s grapes. Green, black, red…doesn’t matter…love ‘em all!

every girl should have…

a great leather coat. There’s something about a leather coat that makes you feel, sexy, strong and confident.

if i had $500 to shop in one store in town it would be… this one is tough… but I would go directly to T.J.Maxx…I love that place!

I once re-gifted…

I don’t think I have done that before. I usually donate instead.

I always have extra… hangers.

five things on my bed stand…

1. a sister plaque from my youngest brother Roger.

2. my Jenny Craig blue ribbon [6 inches long: a reminder I am successful]

3. a red treasure box I got from a friend to hold keepsakes.

4. alarm clock [always set 5 minutes fast].

5. my night light.

my profession gives me… happiness, pride, satisfaction. if i could have one parent do over it would be… to spend more time with Dustin and work less. something my husband has done or given me that i treasure most… he loves me for me, doesn’t ever try to change me.

three blogs i read daily… blogs? No blogs, but I read AOL, MSNBC, and of course I look at PEOPLE .

Where Fun and Learning Co LL

Located

701-356-1299

woulda shoulda coulda

story by | lindsie schoenack

Most high school students assume that after graduating they will go to college. Today, there are many adults who made that assumption, but things didn’t work out quite as planned. For women in particular, marriage and children can derail the best-laid educational plans. Fortunately, it’s never too late to finish a bachelor’s degree or earn a master’s degree.

You’re probably thinking, “But I have a family, a job, other commitments—there is no way I can go to college too. After all, even a super mom needs some sleep!” That is true, but earning a degree may not be as difficult to fit into your busy schedule as you may think.

The adults who look into the University of Mary Fargo Center’s accelerated degree programs often have similar questions and concerns…

where do I begin?

If you want to earn your bachelor’s degree, the first step is to meet with an advisor who will evaluate any college credits you have earned in the past. You may also have work and life experiences that will transfer into college credit! If you are looking at earning a master’s degree, you need to determine what program will help

you attain your career goals. Your graduate advisor can help you with that process.

By working with an advisor, you will know exactly what is needed to earn your degree, with a customized schedule and financial aid plan to help you achieve that goal.

I’m too busy and would never have enough time!

At the University of Mary, our adult programs are at an accelerated pace, with most classes lasting five or seven weeks. On-site classes are one night a week for four hours and online classes are available 24/7. Typically, if you can commit to 15-20 hours a week for class and homework, you have time to earn your degree.

I could never afford it!

Because of the accelerated format, students are considered full-time and therefore eligible for financial aid. Plus, University of Mary is a full participant in the Post 9/11 GI Bill Yellow Ribbon Enhancement Program which helps VA-qualified veterans earn their bachelor’s or master’s degree.

I tried college before and it was too hard, I’m sure I wouldn’t do well!

You were young and probably didn’t know how to manage your time or multi-task like you do now. But even so,

…no more excuses for continuing your education!

an advisor is assigned to you the minute you enroll at University of Mary as an adult learner. Questions and guidance regarding programs of study, planning, policies and procedures, course registration, and completion of degree requirements are among the areas your academic advisor will address with you. Faculty are likewise available for monitoring your progress, offering content assistance and addressing questions. Your advisor and faculty partner with you to promote consistent communication and academic support.

Another way the University of Mary has addressed this concern is to structure the adult programs in a “cohort” format, where students earn their degree with a group of adult student peers. You stay together through your course of study, forming a strong support network and work teams.

but what if something comes up, like having another baby, a family crisis or moving?

U-Mary’s adult programs are flexible because your life isn’t simple. You always have choices:

• You can “stop out,” which simply means you take a break. When you are ready, we will be waiting to help you get back into the swing of things.

• You can switch formats. If you are in an on-site program and your situation changes, you can switch to online. Or maybe you’re studying online and find that your family is moving to Fargo. If you want, you can join an on-site cohort.

Anyone who tells you that going back to school as an adult is easy is bending the truth. It is a serious commitment

that requires time and effort—but everything that is important does. You can do it and the University of Mary is here to help you every step of the way. Maybe it’s time to take the sage advice that Christopher Robin gave to Winnie the Pooh, “…remember: you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

The University of Mary Fargo Center offers accelerated degree programs for working adults, with classes held one night a week or online and some programs can be completed in as few as 15 months. On-site, U-Mary offers bachelor's degrees in accounting, business, information technology management and organizational leadership and master's degrees in business administration, project management, strategic leadership, nursing and counseling.

Lindsie Schoenack is the director of the University of Mary Fargo Center where she helps adults realize their goal of earning a degree [and sometimes more than one!]. She is active on the board for the North Dakota Society for Human Resource Management, is chair of the Business Training committee of the Fargo Moorhead West Fargo Chamber of Commerce, and is pursuing higher education herself [yes, you can do it too]. Lindsie, her husband, Aaron, and their two children, Evalyn [5] and Benjamin [3], love to bike ride, swim at the Y, read books and play tic-tac-toe, dinosaurs and Candyland.

money drains

story by | dani parkos fluge

Did you pick up a fancy cup of coffee this morning or stop by the vending machine during your break at work or maybe you whipped through the car wash for the deluxe deal. Make a habit of these little purchases and you’ll be working against your savings account and blowing your hard earned bucks. Here are some of the Top Money Drains to watch out for:

coffee Do you need a liquid boost in the morning?

According to the National Coffee Association, the average cost for a basic cup of black brewed coffee is $1.38. With roughly 260 weekdays per year, buying one cup every weekday morning will run you almost $360 per year. If you prefer a souped-up latte at an average cost of $2.45, plan to hand over $637 to your favorite brew shop annually.

mani $25 is the average going rate for a plain Jane manicure – no gels, tips or extras ladies. At that price a weekly mani will set you back roughly $1,300 a year.

alcohol Enjoy a drinky-poo or two? If you don’t find the best Happy Hour deals you can figure on average one brewsky will get you for $5 [including tip]. If you like to double down more than three times per week, plan on a yearly tab of $1,560. And if mixed drinks are your thing, figure a $3,120 contribution to the local pub.

car washes Does the Mini-V or SUV need some TLC?

If so, the average cost for an auto detailing package is $89. The tab for finding the Cheerios, Cheetos, straws and string cheese every two months will roll you $534 each year.

cigarettes No butts about this one. According to TobaccoFreeKids.org the national average price for a pack of cigs is $5.58. For those pack-a-day smokers you can plan on paying $2,008 a year. Maybe just a weekend smoker? One pack a week will light you up for $290 annually.

bottled water Tap into the real expense of grabbing H2O on the go? A 20-ounce bottle of water from a convenience store is on average $1.89. One bottle of water per day

will keep you hydrated, but drain you $689.85 per year. Not to mention the cost to the environment.

lunch take-out Rather buy than brown bag it? Figure $9 will generally cover a decent lunch most work days, but make that a five day a week habit for one full year and you will shell out about $2,350.

vending machine snacks Do you fall victim to the mid-day vending machine munchies? The average snack costs $1. Getting a sugary or salty fix every afternoon at work will cost $260 per year and even more calories!

unused memberships Our intentions are always good, but let’s face it; too often motivation for the gym falls off. With the monthly service fee at gyms averaging between $35 and $40 per month, about the only thing we lose after a year-long membership is $480.

“Dr. Tiffany has provided healing, rest, patience, and energy for my entire family by adjusting my 2-year-old son. He was waking up 4 times every night with difficulty breathing. He is now sleeping through the night for the first time in his life...and so am I!”

-Michal, Mother of Gavin

please come

when your child doesn’t want to be in your life

story by | heather bjur, MA, LAMFT

You carried her for 9 months, got up to feed her three times a night, paid for her violin lessons, saved your hard-earned money so she could go to college, but now she says she doesn’t want to see you anymore.

You knew the divorce was rough, but now he only wants to live with his father and you haven’t heard from him in 8 weeks.

You haven’t seen your grandchildren in a year and your adult son hasn’t returned your phone calls or email in at least that long. You’re depressed, anxious, and lonely, wondering, “What did I do wrong?”

gettin’ through it

These short scenarios describe a phenomenon—in fact some call it an epidemic—quietly sweeping through our neighborhoods and even effecting celebrity lives like Angelina Jolie and Lindsey Vonn: parent-child estrangement and parental alienation.

In the case of parent-child estrangement, a parent is not only treated with indifference and hostility, the child often separates entirely from the parent, rejecting

a relationship with him or her. Parental alienation includes belittling and insulting one parent, often without justification. This behavior from the child can come from the indoctrination by the other parent, especially in a child custody dispute, or in the aftermath of a divorce. In these cases, the child and the alienated parent often previously enjoyed a loving and mutually satisfying relationship. The alienated parent finds him or herself in unchartered territory, and usually isn’t told why. While this condition can affect children of all ages, it usually takes place in adult children; this is probably the most perplexing incidence of estrangement, and even more devastating to the parent, as it usually involves grandchildren. In most cases, the alienated parent is left to guess what he or she might have done wrong in the eyes of their child, and over the course of time apologies and attempts to reach out and reconnect are not accepted or reciprocated.

why?

There are many theories and professional opinions out on this topic. The most commonly held opinion is that in these situations specific to divorce, there is often an alienating parent, and thus in turn, an alienated parent. This is where the indoctrination or coaching comes in from the alienating parent. For many, the issue is identified when the estranged parent seeks therapy for depression or anxiety, but also of very real concern is the child. If a child is being influenced in this way, how is this affecting their growth and development and their views of healthy relationships?

The fact is some parents encourage strategies designed to turn a child against the other, targeted parent. Tactics include bad-mouthing, withdrawing love and belittling. According to Dr. Richard A. Warshak, “Regarding intact families, the research is clear that the type of denigration, hatred and fear characteristic of irrational alienation is foreign to most intact families and would be considered a symptom worthy of treatment.”

But behind all the definitions, theories and opinions are lots of hurting men and women, aching for a relationship again with their children. I spoke with a local mother, , who experienced estrangement for a period of time. While divorce had been part of the picture, Jill did everything she knew to try to raise her child in a healthy environment. The emotional turmoil was

where a handbag becomes a lifestyle

heavy, and now, as Jill is starting to gain ground with her child, she still wonders, “Will it ever be the same?”

is there anything that can be done to reconcile?

For cases of out-of-the-blue estrangement, Psychologist Dr. Josh Coleman, expert on the topic, offers several suggestions for the parent experiencing this alienation. First, do try to understand your child’s feelings. It may be that you had a very normal parent-child relationship, but was there something that was done or said that the child understood in a very different way than it was intended? Second, don’t be defensive. Keep in mind that their viewpoint may be different than yours. Third, apologize…even if you can’t pin point a specific instance for which to apologize, just the act of being sorry could possibly open doors and start a line of communication.

Jill said, “Never stop trying.” Even if phone calls, emails, and Facebook messages go unanswered, it may be very difficult to continue to live with that rejection, but keep reaching out and showing you care.

Another mother I spoke with who was not estranged, but experienced a few tumultuous teen years with her daughter, told me that they used to write letters to each other. Tension was so high between the parents and the teen that a less emotionally volatile way to communicate was by the written word. Not only is it a good way to communicate, but for each party, being able to write out one’s feelings can be therapeutic as well.

are there causes for estrangement other than divorce?

The style of parenting prevalent in our culture today and in the past decade or two is very different from what took place three, four or more decades ago, when children were “seen and not heard.” As Dr. Coleman theorizes, we went from children earning their parents’ love, to the opposite, where children are the center of the family and their feelings and wishes are tantamount to the family unit; in this scenario, parents must win their children’s love. His speculation is that this has created an unhealthy dynamic in the family system with an upside down parent-child role.

Jill mentioned the idea that we give our kids too many choices. We raise them from birth, always letting them choose…banana or oatmeal, soccer or football, and

eventually we, the parent, become a choice as well, if things don’t go the way the child wants. the grieving process…but worse

Jill stated that she’d been through a grieving process, but worse, because her child hadn’t died, but it was almost as if she had. One website I visited [www. estrangedparentsofadultchildren.com, 11/10/11] reiterated what she was feeling:

“When a child dies, there is an announcement in the papers, at school, at church or at work. Friends and family bring food, write condolence notes, observe rituals. When a child is estranged, nobody knows about it unless the parent chooses to share that information. Because in the beginning the parent is so stressed with lack of sleep and grief, it is easier not to tell anyone that a child is rejecting one’s own parent. Some parents keep the estrangement private; others try to share the situation with their friends or colleagues, too often met with ‘Why don’t you try...?’ meaning ‘What did YOU do?’”

There truly are some parents out there who have done something to hurt their child or the relationship. If

Infertility Support Group for Women

this had been the case, estrangement would have been more understandable, logical, even.

I asked Jill if she had any words of wisdom to offer. She said, “Children are just learning how to have relationships. It doesn’t matter if you dislike your ex; respect each other enough to parent together.”

And If you’re currently experiencing an estrangement or alienation, Jill explains, “Be assertive of where you stand—don’t just be a pushover to try to make the relationship work – no one respects that. But of all the things I could say, just make sure to let your child know that the door is not shut. It is always open.”

Looking for more information? Consider these resources:

• www.drjoshuacoleman.com

• www.warshak.com

• www.estrangedparentsofadultchildren.com

• www.padsupport.wordpress.com

• When Parents Hurt by: Dr. Josh Coleman

• Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family From Badmouthing and Brainwashing by: Dr. Richard Warshak

Mane Impressions Mane Impressionsstyling salon

&

of the month Must call to register 701.232.6224

Facilitated by Heather Bjur, MA, LAMFT

Moorhead Mall 218.236.7200

Moorhead Center Mall 218.236.7200

www.maneimpressionsstylingsalon.com

www.maneimpressionsstylingsalon.com

resource, support, volunteer

Up With Downs Supporting families of Down syndrome. For more information, contact Kara Jones, 701.526.3240 or karaljones@ gmail.com, or Liz St. Louis, 701.212.7877 or estlouis4@gmail.com

Red River Moms Of Multiples 2nd Tuesday of each month. For more information visit www.rrvmothersofmultiples.org

Children's Consultation Network Provides access to early childhood mental health screening, assessment and consultation, develops and distributes children's mental health resources, provides community education, seeks to diminish stigma, and facilitates collaborative efforts related to children's mental health services, especially for children ages 0-8. For more information, 701.526.1565 or www.halfachild.com

Adoption Play Support Group For more details call 701.200.3285 or email shellemoran@yahoo.com

The Compassionate Friends 2nd Thursday of each month at Faith Lutheran Church, 127 2nd Ave E, West Fargo. Offering grief support after the death of a child. For more information chapterleader@tcffargomoorhead.org or 701.282.4794

La Leche League of Fargo-Moorhead 3rd Thursday of each month at 6:30pm. For more information contact Jill Christianson – jillkensok@hotmail.com or 701.200.0642

SHARE: Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group 3rd Tuesday of every month at 7:00pm at Faith United Methodist Church [19th Ave. N, Fargo]. This nondenominational group offers support to those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or within the first few months of life. For more information call 701.234.7500

Beyond the NICU Doors A community support network for parents who have experienced time in a NICU. Monthly gathering starting in September will be the 4th Tuesday from 7-8:30pm at the Anne Carlson Center [behind Subway on the corner 13th Ave S & 25th St S, Fargo]. Gatherings include a speaker and children are welcome as there are toys and space available. This is open to all NICU families regardless of location of NICU experience. This is a cooperative effort between Region V Experienced Parent and March of Dimes NICU Family Support.  Any Questions please call Moe Schreoder at 701.237.3558 or Colette Christoffers at 701.235.5530

Energy Efficient GREEN Solutions

For Your Home

FM Autism Support Group 2nd Friday of each month from 7:00pm to 9:00pm at Pediatric Therapy Partners [2846 Brandt Dr S, Fargo]. For more information call group contact Rachel at 218.287.1184

DMF Lend A Hand Offers resources and matching funds to improve volunteer efforts that benefit people experiencing a medical crisis. Learn more about current efforts and/or to make a tax-deductible donation go to www.dakmed.org/lendahand

HOPE, Inc. Provides a year-round sports and recreation program for children and young adults ages 2-23 with mobility challenges. We are family-centered and provide extra equipment so the ENTIRE family can play! Contact Adair at 701.866.9002 or adair@hopeinconline.org for more information or visit www. hopeinconline.org

Ronald McDonald House Charities of the Red River Valley, Inc.

Provides lodging and emotional support to parents and siblings of children requiring medical treatment who also benefit by knowing their families are close by. Visit www.rmhcfargo.org for more info

there is no better exercise for

than reaching down

Rape and Abuse Crisis Center Crisis intervention, advocacy, and counseling services to all persons who have been victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Volunteer or donate. Call 701.293.7273 or visit www.raccfm.com

FirstChoice Clinic Provides pregnancy confirmation and counseling, prenatal and parenting classes, community referrals to help individuals make life affirming choices. Call 701.237.5902 or visit www.firstchoiceclinic.com. Volunteer or donate at www. teamfirstchoiceclinic.com

Survivor of Suicide Loss 3rd Thursday of each month. Provide a safe, accepted and supportive environment and opportunity to talk openly. For more information contact Mary at 701.219.4110

Suicide Survivor’s Support Group 4th Monday of each month at 6:00 pm. Support to loved ones who have lost someone to suicide. For more information call 701.293.6462

Birthright Pregnancy testing, counseling, prenatal and parenting education, maternity and infant clothing, emergency supplies of diapers and formula and labor support. All services are free and confidential. To volunteer or donate contact 701.237.0359 or www.birthright.org

PATH of North Dakota An organization offering a more personalized approach to foster care. For more information www.pathinc.org or 701.293.9968

FirstLink Provides telephone support including information and referral of local non-profits, listening and support, crisis intervention and suicide intervention 701.235.7335

South East Regional KIDS Program An Infant Development Service providing home-based family focused services at no cost to families having an eligible infant or toddler under the age of three. 701.446.3927

Experienced Parent Support Group Support and Resource to families who have a child that is active with the South East Regional KIDS Program. For more information please contact Moe Schroeder at 701.237.3558 or mrschroeder@nd.gov

Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch Offers a year-round opportunity for volunteers [individuals, groups/part-time, full-time] for its thrift stores. To volunteer call 701.277.9424

United Way of Cass-Clay Bringing people together to create lasting change that will improve lives. For more information visit www.uwcc.net

For more listings, visit www.OnTheMindsOfMoms.com/support. To submit a group or resource for consideration to be posted on our website, email information to info@onthemindsofmoms. com. OTMOM does its best to keep information accurate, but organizations are responsible for providing updated information. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided.

december events

16, 17, 18, 21, 22 & 23

Santa Village @ Rheault Farm

701. 499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Santa & Mrs. Claus are at Rheault Farm in Fargo to celebrate the holiday season. Open 1pm-7pm December 3 & 4, 4pm-8pm December 7, 9, 14, 16, 21 & 22, 1pm-8pm December 10, 11,17, 18 & 23. Free admission with donation of canned goods, new toy or cash donation.

7

Bowls for Babies

701.235.5530

www.marchofdimes.com/northdakota

March of Dimes Annual Fundraiser for the babies. Your $15 ticket allows you to come select a uniquely artistic bowl, sample soup from several locally owned restaurants & then keep the bowl as a souvenir! Ramada Plaza Suites from 11am-1:30pm.

8

8–11, & 15–18

10 & 17

Glass Etched Mugs Workshop

218.290.2263

www.ungluedmarket.com

Head downtown to the Unglued Christmas Market [68 Broadway, Fargo] at 6pm for an adult workshop [13+] & create a one of a kind set of mugs to drink your favorite winter drink or a gift that will truly impress. A great skill to learn! Register online. $15 fee, all supplies provided.

8

CPR for Family Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction 6pm-9pm & receive an American Heart Association participation card.

Santa Village @ Lincoln Park Golf Course

701.746.2750

Santa & his elves will set up their workshop at the Lincoln Park Golf Course Clubhouse in Grand Forks!  Everyone is welcome to meet the elves & make a holiday craft or two 4pm-8pm Thursday & Friday, 10am-8pm Saturday, Noon-6pm Sunday. Come say hello to Santa and Mrs. Claus on Saturdays & Sundays. Take a ride on a horse-drawn sleigh or stop in to look at the beautifully adorned trees & sip some cocoa. Free admission with donation of non-perishable food item or new toy.

10

Friendship Bracelets Workshop

218.290.2263

www.ungluedmarket.com

Grab the kiddos & head downtown to the Unglued Christmas Market [68 Broadway, Fargo] at 10am & learn how to make different styles of friendship bracelets and how to add beads or rhinestones to make a truly unique piece. Great for friends & family of any age. For 3rd grade & up. Register online. $15 fee, all supplies provided.

Breakfast with Santa

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Spend a morning of breakfast, crafts and entertainment with Santa and Mrs. Clause 8-10am. Tickets on sale November 15th!

10 & 17

Santa Fly-In

701.293.8043

www.fargoairmuseum.org

Head to the Fargo Air Museum and see Santa fly-in to meet all the good boys & girls!

15

Bird Nest Necklace Workshop

218.290.2263

www.ungluedmarket.com

Head downtown to the Unglued Christmas Market [68 Broadway, Fargo] at 6pm for an adult workshop [13+] & create a wire wound necklace and pendant with a variety of eggs usually to represent children in a family. A thoughtful gift for any mom. If you want specific "eggs" in your nest feel free to bring them along. Register online. $15 fee, all supplies provided.

17

Water Felted Pot Holder, Finger-Print Charm & Cuff Links

218.290.2263

www.ungluedmarket.com

Grab the kiddos & head downtown to the Unglued Christmas Market [68 Broadway, Fargo] at 10am & create fun gifts for Mom, Dad, Grandma or Grandpa. The pot holder will be able to be made by students 3rd Grade and up without assistance, but moms/dads could assist any student ages 4 and up with both projects. Register online. $15 fee, all supplies provided.

17 & 18

Holly Jolly Zoo Days

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Enjoy a variety of holiday activities & visit with Santa & Mrs. Claus at the Zoo Noon-4pm.

18

Skating with Santa

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Skate to Christmas music while visiting Santa at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo]. Hot chocolate & refreshments will be served. A canned food item for the Fargo-Moorhead Food Pantry will be your ticket to get in.

22

Car Seat 101 for Expectant

Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30-8:00pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

22 & 23

Hello Santa

218.233.6117

www.moorheadcentermall.com

Get the kiddos over to the Moorhead Center Mall and let the man in the red suit know you have been nice all year!

27–29

Sleigh Rides

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Enjoy a scenic ride along the Red River through Viking Ship Park in a horse drawn sleigh from 1-4pm. Tickets are sold on a first come, first served basis. Rides are $4 per person.

31 Celebrate the Night

701.330.9667

www.flyinggift.com

Ring in the New Year at this fun, familyfriendly, non-alcoholic celebration at the Alerus Center in Grand Fork, 6pm-midnight! Enjoy a variety of live entertainment, games, delicious food and more. Then at midnight, an amazing fireworks display will light up the winter sky!

Applebee’s, Bob Footitt Construction, Stop-N-Go, Sundog, Hornbachers, Jeff’s Plumbing & Drain Cleaning, Valley Bariatric & Wellness Clinic, Vision Bank

5 Car Seat 101 for Expectant Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30pm-8pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

7 Dazzeling Disco Ball

701.232.3821

www.plainsart.org

Judy Onofrio is a master of the mosaic! Head to the Plains Art Museum, 10am-Noon & take a look at her fantastic exhibition, "See Audacious Acts of Daring!", then create your own shiny mosaic of color & texture on a Styrofoam ball that you can hang in your room. FREE event, but preregistration is required.

9 &

16

CPR/AED

Heartsaver

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

This course at the F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo] covers basic adult, child & infant CPR plus how to use an AED [Automated External Defibrillator]. All CPR and First Aid classes at F-M Ambulance are taught under the guidelines of the American Heart Association. Register online, $35 fee.

10

Frozen Fantasy Tickets on Sale

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Get your tickets [$8/adult $4/kids] at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo] & get ready to create some winter magic by bringing the whole family out to this semi-formal dance affair on February 3rd. Let it snow outside while you dance the night away at this fantasy land. The evening will consist of music, dancing and refreshments. Don't forget your camera for some Frozen Fantasy family pictures.

12

Nurturing Parenting

701.239.6720

www.ag.ndsu.edu/ casscountyextension/ home-and-family

Program

The Nurturing Parenting Program starts January 12th. This 16-week program is held Thursdays, 5:30pm-8pm at the Salvation Army [304 Roberts Street, Fargo] & is for families with children ages 0-5. The program teaches both parents and children how to handle feelings, communicate needs, be empathetic, take charge of one's own behavior, have fun with others, establish nurturing routines for regular family times such as bed & mealtimes, handle stress and anger and give and receive healthy touch. This program is free & childcare is provided. There are separate parent education and children's sessions. Each night begins with a light supper.

13–21

Winter Days

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Look forward to many annual Winter Days events. Returning events will include the Chili Cook-off, Snow Golf Tournament, Sleigh Rides, Senior Citizens Luncheon, Sliver Snowflake Search, Create the Park Book Cover Contest & more!

14

Family Winter-ific Day

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Events for the entire family at the Edgewood Winter Chalet [19 Golf Course Ave N, Fargo] 1pm-4pm. Food, Clydesdale sleigh rides, cross-country skiing and downhill sledding.

16

Hockeyfest

701.499.6060

www.fargoparks.com

Doors will open at 11:30am at Scheels Arena [5225 31st Ave S, Fargo] with free Subway & event t-shirts given to the kiddos while supplies last. Sit in the stands & enjoy the movie Mighty Ducks II at 11:45am while you snack on free popcorn & Pepsi products. After the movie there will be an open skate with Fargo Force players & coaches & carnival games. The afternoon will finish with a Celebrity Hockey Game at 3pm with local dignitaries & celebrities.

17

Fargo Force Storytime

www.fargolibrary.org

Spend an evening at the Main Library [102 3rd St N, Fargo]with some of the members of the Fargo Force hockey team! Head to the Children's Room starting at 6:30pm. Team members will read stories, sign autographs, pose for photos & help us make a cool hockey-themed craft. No registration required.

19

Teen Night

701.499.6089

www.fargoparks.com

Teen Night at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S] is for disabled youth ages 13 to 20. Activities include roller skating, bowling, movies, pizza parties and much more. The program emphasizes recreation, socializing and "having fun." Teen Night meets every Thursday at 7pm through April 12th and transportation will be provided to scheduled activities.

19

Go Buggy

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Pint-Sized Explorers [ages 4-6] head to the Zoo at 3:15 and learn about turtles, toads, snakes, and lizards are all cold-blooded animals. Find out what cold-blooded really means and discover a variety of these animals at the zoo up close and personal! $10/members, $15/non-members.

21

Awesome Art Afternoon

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Love art but hate the mess? Bring your kiddo to RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm for this interactive art program & have fun while building a variety of take home projects. All creative materials will be provided at this FREE event.

february events

2 Car Seat 101 for Expectant

Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30pm-8pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

3

4

11

Go Red Day

www.gorednd.com

Heart disease kills 1 in 3 women in North Dakota, but it is highly preventable. Support a heart healthy lifestyle & wear red all day!

3

Frozen Fantasy

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Create some winter magic by bringing the whole family out to this semi-formal dance affair at the Doublewood Inn in Fargo [tickets $8/adult $4/kids] Let it snow outside while you dance the night away at this fantasy land. The evening will consist of music, dancing and refreshments. Don't forget your camera for some Frozen Fantasy family pictures.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area it is encouraged organizations submit events for consideration to info@onthemindsofmoms.com

Furious Felters

701.232.3821

www.plainsart.org

Get your craft on at the Plains Art Museum 10am-Noon. Cut and glue zig zags, lace, polka dots, and all sorts of fabric textures and patterns to create a fabric landscape. FREE event, but preregistration is required.

11

Sweetheart Ball

701.232.3980

www.rmhcfargo.org

Support the Ronald McDonald House of the Red River Valley at the Holiday Inn, 6pm-midnight, with an evening of featuring dinner, a live & silent auction & dancing at this semi-formal event. Tickets are $75.

Buddy Day @ Oak Grove

701.373.7114

www.oakgrovelutheran.com

Are you interested in Oak Grove? Come join us for grades K-5 Buddy Day [12:45pm2:45pm] at the South Campus to see what life is like as a Grover. Seeing the campus, attending classes, experiencing chapel, meeting students and teachers will give you a good idea of what Oak Grove has to offer.

12

Family Day at the Dike

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Races, sledding, hotdogs and pop for the whole family at Dike West. Be there 1pm-4pm.

Sweetheart Ball Sweetheart Ball

13 & 20

CPR/AED Heartsaver

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

This course at the F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo] covers basic adult, child & infant CPR plus how to use an AED [Automated External Defibrillator]. All CPR and First Aid classes at F-M Ambulance are taught under the guidelines of the American Heart Association. Register online, $35 fee.

16

Little Black Dress for MS

Luncheon

701.235.2678

www.mssociety.org

Head to the Hilton Garden Inn in Fargo, 11am-1pm & support the 400,000 Americans who live with multiple sclerosis. The luncheon features an inspirational speaker, silent auction & a fun little black dress theme – dresses optional! Learn about multiple sclerosis and raise funds for those living with MS while sharing the joys of a fine lunch.

16

Cold-Blooded Creatures

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Pint-Sized Explorers [ages 4-6] head to the Zoo at 3:15 & learn about all about insects & what makes them such amazing animals! How are spiders different…we’ll find out; we’ll also take a look at animals that love to eat bugs! $10/members, $15/ non-members.

25

6th Annual Youth Ice Fishing Derby

701.499.6090

www.fargoparks.com

Calling all Ice Fisherpersons ages 15 & under! Come to the South Woodhaven Pond [4802 Woodhaven Dr S, Fargo] & learn more about ice fishing including augers, ice houses, sonar equipment and much more! This is a FREE event 12:30pm-2:30pm.

As a glass artist, metal-smith, designer and teacher, Tamra [Klocke] Kriedeman [48] has combined her talents, vast work experiences and love for all things natural to create Just For You Jewelry and Beads in 2004 From her Enderlin, ND home, this mother and grandma is all things in her business—researcher, fabricator, producer, marketer, seller and the do’er of the dreaded paperwork! Tamra has a profound connection between the tools and materials she uses and recognizes that in her business passion molds metal and glass Working with glass beads, gemstones, seed beads, natural stringing materials and a variety of metals, Tamra focus on the centerpiece of the design and works outwards Combining texture with color and adding depth to the pieces have made her designs distinctively different Tamra continues to research and perfect new techniques, while carefully selecting components and adding special touches that make each piece uniquely her own Her work is always changing in styles and materials, so you can expect one-of-a-kind designs or limited edition pieces will be unique and truly special—and made Just For You

photos: rialee photography | jaci kalish

how would you describe your designs?

Authentic, Handmade, Stylish and Distinctively Different!

why the name Just For You Jewelry and Beads?

I did lots of research. Came up with questions and asked family and friends and in the end, it came down to the amount of custom work I do. At least 80% is custom work or jewelry made “Just For You!” I’m also a lampwork bead artist, so that’s where the “beads” come in to play. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my business, my brand and how it will be perceived by my customers. where do you find inspiration for designs?

My approach to color is thoughtful and deliberate. The color, simple shapes and texture I use in my designs can evoke feelings, express personalities, mark an event, or speak about the wearer’s life. These feelings affect reactions to the designs and inspire me. My favorite colors are earthy and nature inspired… shades of peridot, aubergine, terra cotta, and espresso are often found in my designs.

My creative spirit and signature style is inspired by life, nature and my immediate surroundings—birds, leafs, blooms, grasses and even weeds! Their colors, shapes, how they move in the wind or look after a rain shower and, of course, the awesome array of aromas from the blooms all have served as inspiration at one time or another. In teaching myself the how-to’s, ah-ha moments, and even failure inspire me to pick myself up and try again. Not too many things intimidate me!

Chicks 3Boutique Chicks Boutique 3

where can we find your jewelry?

I host my traveling boutique at about twelve shows per year, some are arts and crafts shows and some are home shows, where the setting is a bit more intimate. I have a very active, up-to-date and easy to use website where my pieces can be purchased or you can connect with me to talk about custom design. I have a small selection of pieces exclusively at Eco Chic Boutique in Fargo.

what styles are your most popular piece?

My personalized hand-stamped pieces, especially the pieces designed for Moms! From necklaces, to bracelets to accessories, pieces stamped with children’s names and words or verses that evoke feelings of love are very popular.

do you accept orders for custom designed pieces?

•

children ages 2 thru PreK

elim children’s center

loving. learning. growing.

701.271.1810 3534 University Dr S www.elimcare.org/ecc a ministry of elim care Fargo, ND

I work with people all over the world on creating something special for themselves or for a truly unique gift. It starts with a simple conversation, usually a connection through email that asks me “I have a word/verse I would like stamped on a necklace or bracelet. Can you do that?” From there we start the process…the metals I will use, accent beads from my exclusive collection, other details to personalize the piece, their “need by” date and of course a budget!

what has been your most gratifying moment as a mompreneur?

Having one of my designs featured in a national magazine; being out and about and seeing people wearing my jewelry; having customers tell me that my jewelry is their favorite and “go-to” pieces!

what new things are happing with JFYJB?

I’m a lover of all things tools…so I’ve been playing around with a couple of new tools, perfecting my techniques, so you’ll be seeing the result of that in upcoming designs. I am working with some new materials too that will show up in the spring collection. Changes? Well, in the beginning, I did a lot of repair [other people’s/companies work] and re-stringing and repurposing work, although it helps pay the bills, I am going to take on less of that to free up design time.

Earn your degree & live your life.

You are juggling many obligations — family, work, community — but you also want to earn your degree. So the University of Mary created programs that allow you to do them all! Classes start in January, May and September, and meet one night a week in Fargo or online 24/7.

Tuition is competitive, our value unsurpassed, financial aid is available, and some programs can be completed in as few as 15 months.

n Bachelor’s Degrees

• Accounting

• Business

Concentrations: HR, Management, Marketing

• Information Technology Management

• Organizational Leadership

n Graduate Degrees

• MBA: Accountancy, Executive, Health Care, Human Resource Management, Management

• Project Management

• Strategic Leadership

• MSN: Nurse Administrator

• Diploma or ADN to MSN: Nurse Administrator

• Counseling (2 nights/week)

what was the biggest challenge of getting your business going?

Making the decision to resign from a “paycheck” and make the leap into the unknown. It was scary, but I knew in my heart it was right for me and I could make it work!

what three things did you focus on before starting JFYJB?

Integrity. Fairness. Letting my mind become a sponge and soaking it all up…tucking away bits and pieces I would need down the road. It’s been a tremendous help.

what quality do you think every women needs in order to have a successful business? Resilience, strength and an open mind…I have a sign on my wall: “If it is to be…it’s up to me” and I believe it!

what is your biggest productivity secret that helps you accomplish the most in your day? Taking breaks. I usually work about 60 minutes at a time, then take 10 minutes off...it helps me focus on what is ahead for the next hour.

what do you believe you’ve taught your daughter by going into business for yourself? Self-worth…that you can take on big things and succeed. Resilience…continuing on when things go wrong or don’t go your way. Integrity…being accountable, honest, standing up for what you think is right, standing behind what you do and who you are.

away from the business, what might we find you doing?

Camping, backpacking/hiking or gardening. Rex, my husband of 20 years, and I enjoy hiking all over. In 2009, we spent 5 days in the back country of the Sawtooth National Wildlife Area in Idaho, where we crossed over 10,000 feet. We’ve also spent 28 days on the road traveling the Al-Can highway to Alaska in our jeep and backpacking in Denali National Park and this summer we explored the Niobrara River area in Nebraska, paddling and floating down the river for 32 miles over a couple of days. Our hikes let me rejuv…I’m unplugged from technology and it frees up my mind!

what advice would you share with other budding mompreneurs?

Believe in yourself. Don’t take “No” for an answer… ”either I will find a way or I will make one.” Keep an open mind…when one door shuts, another opens. And enjoy the journey…it’s going to be an awesome trip! And lastly, take time to breathe, unplug and enjoy life!

you need:

• 1 loaf of french bread

• 3 cups of eggnog

• 3 eggs

• 1 teaspoon cinnamon

• 1 teaspoon nutmeg

• 1 teaspoon vanilla

• 2 teaspoons of sugar

• powdered sugar

how to:

1] cut bread into 1” thick slices. If you buy presliced bread, go with a Texas Toast—the thicker bread will hold up better than regular sliced bread with the thick and heavy batter.

2] combine and whisk remaining ingredients [except powdered sugar] in a bowl.

3] dip both sides of each slice of bread in the mixture and place them side by side in a greased oven proof glass dish. Pour any remaining mixture over the slices in the dish.

4] cover and refrigerate overnight [you can even freeze the dish ahead of time and put in fridge to defrost the evening before you wish to serve it].

5] bake at 450 degree on bottom rack for 20-25 minutes [watch the bottom so it doesn't get too brown].

6] place on rack to cool slightly and dust with powdered sugar.

source: on the minds of moms

overnight eggnog french toast

Does your Christmas morning tradition include mama being in a mad scramble to prepare an extravagant Christmas breakfast, filled with enough holiday cuisine, unwrapped Christmas-stocking goodies, mimosas and coffee to induce a food coma for all? Amidst this year’s morning chaos and sustenance, we offer up a new, simple, low stress breakfast option—Overnight Eggnog French Toast—baked leisurely while sipping coffee and hot chocolate, but so utterly fabulous you’ll retain your Super Christmas Mom title for another year!

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

tiny

portraits

michelle warren photography

sprout

michelle warren photography

michelle warren photography

studio 60 photographic art

tiny sprout portraits

studio 60 photographic art

tiny sprout portraits

bugshutter

rialee photography

studio 60 photographic art

The younger brother of Chad and Jennifer, Brad DeJong grew up in Fessenden, ND with parents Dennis and Karla Earning his accounting degree from Minnesota State University Moorhead, Brad is currently a Public Accountant, CPA and Partner with Eide Bailly in Fargo Together with Jennifer, wife of 13 years, he has four kids, Christian [10], Joseph [7], Johnathan [5] and Carolyn [3] Brad believes there isn’t any aspect of being part of a family that he should not be doing along with his wife including everything from cleaning, to laundry, cooking and doctor visits Having both hands on deck helps daily routines! When not wearing a suit and tie, Brad tries to carve out time to enjoy those hobbies he once did as a kid like hunting with his small Munsterlanders [Taz and Belle], fishing and playing sports Although reliving his childhood past time has decreased as their family grows, his boys are getting old enough now to participate in these activities and nothing gives Brad greater joy than teaching and sharing stories with them and simply being together

photos: rialee photography | andrea burner

rad dad braddejong age41,westfargond

I am most fearful of… while I really don’t like mice and snakes, I would say my only real fear is not being around to watch my kids grow up and start their own families.

I wish i knew more about… growing grapes and making wine! someday i would like to experience…

I enjoy traveling and know that there are several places I would like to go to. Having the ability to travel overseas with my family is a goal that I hope we all can enjoy. I would love to invent… anything that would make life easier—but I don’t know what that would be! the sport that best describes me… football. I enjoy being in the middle of the action with a team and playing aggressively. the funniest person i know… my son John is always good for a great laugh; he is the character in the family.

if i could change anything about myself it would be…

be a little more patient.

my biggest claim to fame is…

I would say that I truly am always having fun or looking to create fun. I love planning get-togethers with family, friends and coworkers.

the last time i was shocked… that would be at the birth of my daughter, Carolyn, now 3. After three boys, we were blessed with her on St. Patrick’s Day, and the joy in my wife’s voice when she realized it was a girl was awesome.

a family meal i have mastered…

I love to grill and think I do a pretty good job at it. My favorite meal is ribs and crab legs; its part of our family’s Christmas tradition.

I wish i had more time for…

fishing and hunting with my kids, Dad, brother, and nephews and nieces.

of all my kids, the one most like me is [and why]…

I see something in all of them, Christian is goodnatured and sensitive like me, Joseph is outgoing and always having fun, John is easy going and goes with the flow, and Carolyn wants to be involved in everything and typically can be found at the top of

the heap when we’re wrestling most nights in the living room!

in a bookstore, the section you would most likely find me… fiction spy and espionage books. a tradition i would like my family to experience…

we are pretty big on traditions already. The one that I think is the most important is making sure we continue to get together every year for a vacation somewhere. Our most recent trip was to Yellowstone National Park with my family, my parents, and my sister’s family.

the one gadget i can’t live without…

I’m not much of a gadget man, I don’t use the ones I have anywhere close to the level I could.

my most enjoyable hobby… doing something with the family; doesn’t matter what.

the most romantic thing i have done for my wife…

it would have to be the night I asked her to marry me in Monterey, California. Although the rain spoiled the walk on the beach on the way over to our dinner reservation, we had a wonderful night and a great dinner.

clap your hands!

story by | caitlin e. killoran

As mothers, we hold many different “titles.” I’m 23-years-old, a mother to two beautiful little girls, a wife to my husband who farms and a recent graduate of NDSU…just to name a few of my own titles. Throughout my 4 years of school, I worked hard to earn two degrees and had the mindset that I was not only going to be all of those titles, but ALSO a careerist.

After graduating in May, I decided I was going to take the summer to myself to enjoy my girls, my husband and life in general before throwing myself head first into the corporate world. June came and went without a single “search” for a job. Once July came I decided it was time to start looking...sort of…so I searched here and there. Then the school year started, some of my friends and family headed back to school and work, I still sat here job searching again…sort of. It wasn’t

until recently, someone said, “WOW! I cannot believe you haven’t found a job yet! I thought you’d be hired immediately!” At that point I realized that maybe I don’t want to be hired...immediately.

Since then I’ve been thinking a lot about my life, my career, my husband and even more about my children. A lot of people can’t imagine going through 4 years of college with two little girls, but in my book—that was easy! I had a flexible schedule, professors that understood that children get sick, and on top of that a great routine where some days were a full load and others I only had one class or none at all. Moral of the story, I had the best of both worlds…family time while I was doing something for myself.

My husband and I live out on the family farm about forty miles outside of Fargo, so getting a job means having to leave my house an hour early and getting home an hour

if your happy and you know it…

later, 5 days a week…in other words being gone from my family Monday through Friday from 7am to 6pm, allowing me two hours [when there isn’t something else going on] to really spend with my girls and husband before bedtime. Is this the right path for me?

This is not something I expected. In college I was rearing and ready to head out and make a ton of money! [Don’t we all think this throughout college?] Not once did I think I would be sitting here today contemplating what I want my life to be…what will make me “clap my hands?”

In our current generation I believe there is an assumption that if you’re a mom with a college degree, you have to work outside the home or you’re going to waste! After evaluating this thought further, I really think this is something that only “we,” as mothers, think of ourselves. I’ve never once looked at my own mother who stayed at home with five kids, as going to waste. I had a wonderful childhood! So why do I continually think this about myself if I’m not working?

I realized that I needed to step back and evaluate my titles and even more importantly, I needed to rank them in order of importance. I had to decide in the end what was going to make me happy. Would I be happy being away from my family that long? OR would I be happier raising my family? Does this mean my degree will go to waste? OR does it mean I’m just an educated mother?

As my own mother [and I’m sure yours have too] always said, “Everyone’s different.” Some of us are made to hold the titles Mom and Careerist, while others just Mom and that’s OK!

Moral of the story; don’t forget that childhood song we teach our children at a very young age…“When you’re happy and you know it…clap your hands!” Do what makes you and your family happy, embrace new adventures with an open mind, hold as many titles as you wish and never forget to be yourself.

And in the end...remember to stop and clap your own hands every once in a while!

DID YOU KNOW?

This section is dedicated to capturing your parent thoughts. Want to share what’s on your mind? Submit your article idea to info@onthemindsofmoms.com along with a short bio for consideration in an upcoming issue.

What is Imagination Library?

Imagination Library is a program funded by United Way of Cass-Clay that focuses on preparing children for success in school. Register today and every month, one free book will be mailed to your family’s home thanks to United Way of Cass-Clay.

Who is eligible to register?

Children birth to age five who live in Cass or Clay County.

Because of United Way donors, over 8,000 local children in our community receive a free book in the mail every month through

guilty pleasures:

beauty makes us happy

story by | susan mathison, md

Beauty is really important to me. That’s the truth. I love art, design, gardens, purses and make-up [even though it melts away during my busy day and I have no time for a touch up]. And of course, I love beautiful faces. I see them every day, from smooth, sweet-smelling babies, to tired [but happy] moms, to softly wrinkled grannies. Each face has a story. Each face exhibits unique outer features, but radiates with the special glow that can only come from inner beauty.

It is so easy to witness this beauty in others, but why is it so hard to see it in ourselves? And thus, we all have a few props to help get past our self-critical mirrors. Each woman makes choices…a nice pair of earrings, a great cut and color, favorite jeans that make your butt look cute, the perfect lipstick, an organic moisturizer. Why is it that we feel guilty about wanting to feel beautiful? Is it frivolous, vain, shallow and selfish to feel good about ourselves? Is it worth it to put time and energy into beauty? Are we selling out unless we go gray and age naturally?

gotta have it

I would argue that beauty is necessary, and that it is yours to define. We seek to feel beautiful and comfortable in our own skin. Yet we apologize for the happiness we get from simple pleasures, sheepishly admitting to a pedicure when it’s not sandal weather. But here’s the thing, our beauty rituals are actually a valuable form of self-care, defined by Michelle Segar, PhD, as “any activity that nurtures and restores.” She goes on to say, “Taking time for self-care—whether that means booking a massage or taking a walk—is critical to our well being, yet women don’t do it nearly enough. Mostly because we’re so busy taking care of everyone else.” She is quick to point out, “Your beauty routine won’t work

as true self-care if you’re following it only as a result of societal pressures about how you should look.”

Beauty is important in our environment as well. We know the power of architecture to transform cities, of gardens to feed spirits as well as bellies, of art to inspire us, and of a clean closet to give us clarity and peace. We may roll our eyes at Martha Stewart’s perfect home, but secretly we wish our holiday table looked like hers. We are grateful for a simple bouquet of flowers to brighten the mood. Somehow creating beauty in our environment and appreciating its’ presence in everyday life, makes us feel more beautiful. And for some reason, we aren’t judgmental in a negative way towards the woman who has the house that she has transformed into a showcase [unless it’s Martha!] though

the kind of beauty i think most of us seek is real beauty, blending our inner selves full of confident, radiant energy with our outer beauty and our physical environment, and accepting that we are unique

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body + being

sometimes we allow ourselves to feel “less than” if we don’t measure up to her domestic prowess. Though I have other accomplishments, I can’t quite keep up with my house and its piles of books and mail…heavy sigh When I have a fleeting victory and clear the clutter, the house looks beautiful, and I feel more confident and yes, I’ll say it, beautiful!

the good stuff

Tara Mohr of Wise Living, says “It’s important because beauty connects us to joy, to contentment, to our souls. Beauty is soul food. This is not a fluffy matter.”

The kind of beauty I think most of us seek is real beauty, blending our inner selves full of confident, radiant energy with our outer beauty and our physical environment, and accepting that we are unique. Photoshop doesn’t work in real-time, even for celebs and models. This is powerful beauty. The US ranks 67th in the world for women involved in positions of political power, and it is not much better in corporate board rooms. Mohr states, “Is it any wonder that we’ve replaced it with ideas

about beauty that instead leave most women feeling powerless in the world? Like they don’t measure up?”

We find this powerful, real beauty in settings that allow us to let our radiant selves shine to illuminate the world. Our beautiful props…the lipstick, the earrings…aren’t necessary, but help to convey our message and sometimes speak without words. Let self-care, confidence and nurturance be the guiding force in our beauty rituals and adornments.

work it

Now, let’s get practical. Here are my top six tips for looking and feeling beautiful…

#1 accept compliments and make a brag book

Why do we disagree or deflect nice comments that others make to us? Say thank you and accept that compliment. Sometimes others can make us aware of features and qualities we didn’t know we had. Consider writing these compliments down in a “Brag Book” so that you can look back and remember these kind words. I save every card I have received from patients, employees and friends

God bless you for giving our children and families hope this Christmas and New Year’s. Learn

1.800.344.0957

Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch

who thank me for my work. I can pull these out and read them if I need a confidence boost.

#2 give a damn! take pride in your appearance

Learn how to do your hair and make-up in a way that pleases you when you look in the mirror. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time. Read Carmindy’s [of What Not to Wear fame] 5-Minute Face, or another book with some styling tips. Wear clothes that make you feel great and comfortable. This can be done on a budget, and if you don’t feel you are style savvy, take a fashionista friend with you. A woman who takes pride in her appearance comes across as intelligent, powerful and confident. Enjoy your beautiful appearance. You are your ultimate creative endeavor!

#3 let me see you MOVE!

A regional health insurance company pushes physical activity with its “let me see you move” commercials. My favorite features a middle-aged man in a dated sweater vest, waiting in the doctor’s office. He hears a little music, starts twitching, then is inspired to get up in the middle of the room and start grooving and shaking his body.

He gives a little wink to the receptionist and keeps on dancing. Your body is meant to move! It doesn’t have to be a treadmill marathon. Instead, make movement and exercise fun. Dancing is a great way to get your

heart rate going and experience pleasure. Take a walk and get some fresh air or find your zen in a yoga class. Focus on enjoying your body, and do a little something, even just 15 minutes, almost every day. Movement also has a powerful effect on your mood and energy.

#4 feed your face

Shift your thinking about nutrition. Think of beautiful food as a gift you give yourself that enriches your life

beauty is the active, living, divine spirit within all things

body + being

and gives you energy. Food has a profound effect on our mood, which makes a big difference at work and home. Great nutrition is really going back to basics and eliminating most processed stuff. Eat a colorful diet with lots of veggies, modest portions of fruit and nuts, good quality lower-fat protein and whole grains. Really limit foods that are white [white rice, white bread, pasta] as they can make our blood glucose rise faster than sugar. Have fun in your kitchen. There are easy meals that work in this plan that are faster than take-out or delivery. Cheaper too!

#5 sweet dreams

The USA is the most sleep deprived nation and it costs us big-time. Lack of sleep can lead to depression, low sex-drive, poor productivity and weight gain, just to name a few. So cherish and protect your sleeping hours. This is not always easy if you have young children, but be mindful of ways that you can get more ZZZZ’s. Aim for 7-8 hours nightly and make a consistent routine. Keep your bedroom cool and very dark. Have great sheets and an awesome mattress. Minimize the little

electronic gadget lights that can keep us from attaining deep sleep.

#6 get out of your head

Sometimes we get stuck in our heads, caught up with feeling ugly and insecure. We feel that all eyes are on us, judging us by our flaws, real or imagined. Following the tips above give us the energy and confidence we need to step out and be seen without fear of judgment. Being present and focusing on the other person with us at that moment or noticing a beautiful fall leaf takes us out of our heads and into enjoying life. We have 60,000+ thoughts per day and unless we work at it, most are negative. Have fun, enjoy simple pleasures and remember that our significant others don’t see our cellulite in the bedroom! Feeling beautiful makes you happy and sexy!

Beauty is the active, living, divine spirit within all things. We see it in our environment, in artistic creation, in others and if we look very closely and with great love, we can see it in ourselves...

And that makes me very happy!

just a thought

story by | kathleen wrigley

There are two recent newspaper articles that have tugged at me to respond. They’ve caused a stir of emotions, anger and frustration among them. The first article was published in the October 23, 2011, edition of the Philadelphia Inquirer. It’s title: “In life and death cases, costly mistakes.” The second was printed three days later in the Fargo Forum: “Rodriguez: ‘I didn’t mean to kill her.’” Both were prominently placed: front-page, above the fold.

As different as these stories are, there is a connection: each involves a victims’ journey.

Several weeks prior, I was contacted by a Philadelphia Inquirer reporter, Nancy Phillips, who explained she was writing on the endless appellate process in death penalty cases and how it affects victims’ family members.

Unfortunately, my family and I are considered “expert witnesses” on this issue. We have nearly twenty years’ experience. My only brother, Danny, was 21-years-old

a voice in the silence

when he was murdered, gunned down in the line of duty as a Philadelphia Police Officer.

Danny’s killer should have been in prison on the night he shot Danny. Instead, because of “prison overcrowding” certain inmates were granted a “get out of jail free” card—released pending trial, with nothing more than their signature and a promise to appear in court. Weeks after this particular inmate was set free, he shot and killed a man during a drug deal and in a separate incident, he tried to avoid arrest by shooting and killing Danny.

The journey to justice is long. In murder cases, the victims are silenced—their rights forever silenced with them. The victims’ families are often muted, too.

Investigations and trials divulge gut-wrenching facts that haunt surviving family members. My family listened to the tape of Danny’s last police radio dispatch. The courtroom echoed as we listened to the rapid succession of shots being fired at Dan. The second of thirteen bullets entered his right temple. His final

words mumbled: “Officer down. Officer down. Please help me. Please don’t let me die.”

During the trial of Danny’s killer, the defense attorney objected to our tears. He demanded the judge require us to leave the courtroom if we couldn’t stifle our emotions. He argued we were prejudicing the jury.

My family and I sat—numb most of the time—through the rest of the trial. SILENT.

It’s been nearly 20 years since the jury rendered their verdict and sent Danny’s killer to death row. And yet, the court appearances for new appellate arguments still creep up every few years. Danny’s killer has a fresh team of lawyers every once in a while, and the current crew now claim that their client is “mentally retarded” and should be handed a lesser sentence.

I was encouraged —perhaps naïvely—when Ms. Phillips, from the Philadelphia Inquirer asked me to speak on behalf of victims. We spoke for nearly an hour. I shared our private pain of having to re-live, re-visit, re-hash every detail of losing Danny every time a defense lawyer has a brain-storm and offers a novel argument and a new court date is set. I relayed all of this to Ms. Phillips and was anxious to read her article…for victims.

The story was printed, but the author’s angle switched gears from the direction she had led me to believe she was taking. She picked several anomaly cases and chose her angle: Philly murderers are arbitrarily deposited on death row because their lawyers were ineffective. And, court appointed attorneys don’t get paid nearly enough to do a sufficient job of defending their clients. Ms. Phillips reduced the victims’ perspective to an afterthought, briefly referenced at the end of the article.

I couldn’t help but feel duped. I collected myself and called Ms. Phillips. I left a message on her voicemail, expressed my disappointment with her story and asked if there’d be an equally lengthy story about victims’ family members and how the endless appellate process painfully affects them. That was October 23rd, and I have not heard back from Ms. Phillips.

Three days after the Inquirer article, the Fargo Forum printed an article titled: “Rodriguez: ‘I didn’t mean to kill her.’” The article detailed the kidnapping and killing of UND student, Dru Sjodin, and included Rodriguez’s version of the crime that has not been public before… until Mr. Rodriguez got himself a new defense team.

Dru’s attacker says he confused her with a childhood abuser. His new defense team suggests that their client suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and cannot be held responsible for his actions.

Midway through the Forum article, I stopped to call Dru’s mom, Linda Walker. She answered in a whisper. We had spoken the day before because she read the story in the Philadelphia Inquirer. We wept on the phone, unable to even speak. Honestly, we felt gutted—like many victims.

Each death-penalty eligible murder is distinctly horrific and does not require a single reference to any other case to make it horrifying. Still, there are common threads for survivors: system breakdowns, media attention, stripping of victims’ rights, endless appellate arguments, and feeling silenced.

During Rodriguez’s trial, just before Linda and family were to take the stand, the defense team had a motion—to essentially—muzzle them. Dru’s mom was handed a list of pre-requisites to follow before testifying. Among them were words that she was forbidden to use, like: love.

just a thought

There’s no place for personal emotion in the testimony of a grieving family. So, Dru’s loved ones stifled their indescribable pain, lifted their heads high and with the strength that only God could give them, they carried on—careful to follow the rules.

I was careful, too, when I chose this topic. I wanted to speak for victims. So, I wrote and wrote and wrote, but the more I did the less peace I felt. My fingers only typed anger. I sounded combative—demanding our readers: “Hear us. We’ve been wronged. We’ve been hurt. We deserve to be heard. LISTEN TO US.” I was spinning in circles, losing sight of my own message and scrapped several [whole] drafts.

The truth is that victims are often sentenced to a life of silence.

But, some surviving loved ones will force themselves to find an outlet; they realize the courtroom is not the only venue for action. Sometimes victims’ families are able to turn their pain into purpose and when they do, it is powerful. No criminal, or system, or reporter can stifle the progress, or the changes that occur through

the actions of those left behind. And, the rippling effect is dramatic. These actions give voice to victims and suffering.

Dru’s voice calls out loudly through her mom’s advocacy. Dru’s Law is included in the Adam Walsh Protection and Safety Act and requires convicted child molesters to be listed on a national registry. The registry helps aid law enforcement track sex offenders and mandates appropriate hard-hitting federal punishment if they assault a child.

Linda Walker has partnered with Edward Smart and other parents to form the Surviving Parents Coalition. Their purpose is to advocate for legislative initiatives that spread public awareness, provide laws and initiatives to protect children, educate young people on safety, and promotes national DNA collection/assessment laws.

In the same way, the Officer Daniel Boyle Scholarship Fund sends a message of hope and promise to the [nearly] 700 kids who have received a scholarship in Dan’s name. Watching my parents and scores of volunteers work to preserve Danny’s memory by helping to educate kids sends a thunderous message of optimism. The aid is based on a student’s desire to learn and their family’s need for financial help. More than one million dollars has been raised for the Officer Daniel Boyle Scholarship Fund—and the totals keep rising.

These families hear you, Dan.

A single mom captures it: “Thank you so very much. My three children’s lives are better because of your scholarship. You gave them an education and they are prepared for their future and will give back, too, because they understand what you did for them. You gave them a chance. God bless you.”

There is a voice in the silence…we hear it.

Kathleen is a stay-at-home mom who serves on a number of community boards/committees, is active in her church, kids’ school, and politics and runs to sustain her own mental health! This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth generation North Dakotan, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children.

Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speech writer. Kathleen received a BS from The Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University, in Philadelphia.

beautiful storybook home is available at 5574 Sunflower Lane in Osgood.

Your palms sweat. Your mind races. Your stomach does a somersault. You know the crazy feeling when you’re hit with the unexpected - a breakup, a job loss, a family crisis. And it’s double crazy when the unexpected forces you on a path you’ve never traveled. You feel lost, overwhelmed, uncertain.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if you had a personalized “guide me through” app for every time the unexpected hit, even when the unexpected turned out to be…cancer? Sanford Roger Maris Cancer Center has exactly what you need.

nurse navigators: your “easy button” A nurse navigator takes you by the hand - sometimes literally - and guides you and your family through your cancer journey. She enters the picture shortly after you get the diagnosis from your doctor - often within an hour.

“When people find out they have cancer, the emotions run the gamut - shock, overwhelmed, scared. But almost always they’re left with ‘What’s next? What do I do?’”

empowering you

“Cancer care is complex,” says Nancy. “In breast cancer, for example, we arrange for newly diagnosed women to have hour-long appointments with a radiation oncologist, a medical oncologist and a breast cancer surgeon even before any treatment has been determined. We want women to have all the information they need, including treatment options, so they can make an informed decision.”

In addition to coordinating care and providing information, navigators:

• prepare the way They let patients know step-by-step what will happen next. “Women tend to be planners,” says Nancy. “It’s a relief for them just to know.”

• answer questions “A cancer diagnosis can bring heightened awareness of your body. You notice new things, triggering lots of questions. We let patients know they can call us with any type of question,” Nancy explains. “If we don’t know the answer we’ll steer them in the right direction. Patients appreciate having one point of contact.”

you through guiding

says Nancy Anderson, Sanford breast cancer nurse navigator. “We step in, helping them wade through the maze and connect the dots.”

A navigator since 2006, Nancy now manages a team of five navigators, each specializing in a specific cancer type: breast, lung, gastrointestinal, and head and neck. All have a bachelor’s or master’s degree in nursing and extensive experience in cancer care. They work closely with every discipline involved in each type of cancer, making life easier for patients and families.

And the benefit for you? To put it bluntly, you’re not stuck having to figure it all out! You can get back to the important business of living and loving and all the good stuff.

• connect patients to resources “Every person is unique in what they need from us. Some have financial concerns, others need transportation assistance. We’ve even arranged conference calls so faraway family members can be involved,” says Nancy. “We help in whatever way we can. Our goal is to enhance the journey.”

And that very cool-sounding “guide me through” app? For cancer care at Sanford, you’ll never need it. You’ve got nurse navigators!

Discover more victory stories at cancer.sanfordhealth.org.

photo: sanford health

Nurse Navigator Team from left to right: Mary Riske, Marit Lervik, Barbara Sherburne, Diane Krogh, Nancy Anderson

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

life’s riches Jenna Pepsin

story by | patricia carlson

Some people look for others to sing their praises. They need a slap on the back or to be a recipient of a plaque or trophy to provide validation. And other people go about their daily lives quietly making imprints on other’s hearts. Jenna Pepsin is one of the other people, looking for nothing more than a hug, a sign of trust or a nuzzle from a four legged friend. Finding riches with payments due in the form of love and compassion.

Growing up the oldest of four, it was easy for Jenna to display the compassion and caring nature that came easily to her. Her sister has Cerebral Palsy and one of her brothers required surgery at 2-months-old to relieve pressure on his brain and was later diagnosed with a learning disability.

life’s riches

Jenna shouldered a lot of responsibility caring for her sister and brothers as both of her parents worked fulltime. She was their babysitter after school, preparing snacks, overseeing homework, and mediating the arguments that inevitably creep up between siblings.

Jenna’s mom, Audrey Swang, knew having siblings with special needs wasn’t always easy for her oldest daughter. ”They were more fragile, took more of our time, required us to be away during their surgeries, a visit to Mayo and the financial strain of these events ultimately meant there were things we just couldn't do,” says Audrey. “She never showed resentment or seemed to feel in any way put out.”

Jenna was also her siblings’ watchdog, making sure no one bullied them. “I remember yelling at kids on the bus for using the ‘R’ word to describe my sister,” she recalls.

and participated in the law enforcement Explorer program, started Tae Kwon Do at age fourteen and joined the Army Reserves when she was seventeen. But Jenna’s plans quickly changed with the birth of her daughter Kaia when she was 19-years-old.

“Jenna is a woman of great confidence and determination and she did whatever needed to be done to take care of her daughter,” explains Audrey. “This was a very difficult time in her life, but also a time of courage and growth.”

Jenna’s focus was now her daughter and she would do anything for her wellbeing, even if it meant doing it as a single mom. Jenna broke up with her boyfriend and moved back to her parents’ home.

“Jenna was stressed, but selfless,” recalls her mom. “Raising Kaia in an emotionally rich and balanced atmosphere was something she devoted herself to.”

Mari Swang says her big sister is the best she could have ever asked for. “We spent a lot of time together,” says Mari. “Jenna is always fun. I can't remember a time when she wasn't. There is nothing about her I would change.”

altered plans

Jenna has always had a "go get 'em" self described personality. She dreamed of going into law enforcement

It was a tumultuous, confusing and disappointing time for this new mom who had always been strong and independent. Soon, stability and clarity would enter Jenna’s world as she and her high school sweetheart, Bob, began talking and decided to give their relationship a second try. Jenna had always known Bob was the right man for her.

“We got married when Kaia was 1 ½-years-old,” says Jenna. “She has always known Bob as, and called him, her dad. He officially adopted her last year.”

After Kaia, who is now eleven, the couple welcomed Jaeda [8 ½] and Ethan [7] and the Pepsin’s were now running the typical rat race of working parents wondering if they should trade financial stability for family time or vice versa?

And when it came to providing and caring for their kids while Jenna worked as a manager at Gordman’s and Bob as a sales professional for Cableone, they tried it all: putting all three kids in daycare, hiring a nanny, staying home. None of it worked well for their family. Something had to change.

CCRI [Creative Care for Reaching Independence] provides care for about 350 people in Clay County who have varying degrees of disabilities. “Our mission is to enhance and enrich the lives and learning of people with disabilities,” explains Becky Sallberg, a Residential Coordinator, who has worked closely with Jenna.

Jenna was immediately hired as a Professional Care Giver. That means she looks after her clients and their needs, whether they are medical, financial or personal. On a given day, she could be taking a client to a doctor’s appointment, picking up a client from their work, counting out medication or arranging a lunch date with a client’s family member. At the moment, she works at a home with four women who each require a wide-range of care. She works a 48-hour shift every other week that starts Thursday around 5:30am and concludes late Friday evening.

creative change

“I had been working 55 to 60 hours a week in retail. But it got to the point where I couldn’t afford—emotionally and financially—to pay someone to care for my kids and be stressed at work,” she says. But staying home full-time created a financial struggle. That’s when Jenna called CCRI and found the best situation for her and her family.

“I don’t sit when I’m with them,” says Jenna. “I’m up every two hours during the night to reposition one client and I have to turn the lights on for another when she needs the restroom. During the day I’m cleaning the house, giving medications, taking them shopping or for a walk or to a supper club. By Saturday mornings, I’m an absolute bag of garbage—I’m so tired!”

Still, it’s the perfect fit for Jenna. She is able to contribute to the family income. She can spend the majority of her week with her husband and children. And she gets an immense feeling of pride and accomplishment knowing she is helping people who, like her sister and brother, have a disability.

“I like what I do. I think that’s huge. I understand what the families are going through,” Jenna states. “I don’t look at it like it’s work. Don’t get me wrong, it is work. It’s not just a job though. It’s a lot more than that. I’ve learned way more from my clients than they’ve learned from me.”

And Jenna’s devotion to her clients can be easily seen. “She has worked with three non-verbal clients and she just gets it,” explains Becky. “She knows each of their routines and will act on a request before one even has to be made. Because she is able to do this, her clients trust her and value her.”

One of those clients was Rachel. Jenna’s professionalism and the connection she developed with Rachel at Camp Hero prompted Becky to nominate Jenna for the ARRMS [Association of Residential Resources in Minnesota] Cares award in 2010, which celebrates outstanding care giving service.

Camp Hero is a three day camping excursion bringing together about 60 clients and the staff to accommodate their needs. Rachel requires staff to help her with all her activities of daily living as well as help her communicate using sign language. When one of Rachel’s normal staff was not able to attend, CCRI approached Jenna. Jenna accepted without hesitation or intimidation of the amount of cares Rachel required.

Jenna spent time at Rachel’s home before camp getting comfortable with Rachel’s needs and also allowing Rachel to be comfortable with Jenna. Once at camp, the girls did great together! Not one person there knew this shift was Jenna’s first with Rachel.

“Jenna did such an amazing job she was selected from our pool of 400 employees to be recognized at the state level for her exceptional care,” Becky says. “She provides excellent care, she is intuitive, she is a leader and she goes above and beyond each day she comes to her shift.”

After camp Rachel went back to her home and Jenna went back to her normal clients, but their bond remains strong. Rachel is thrilled every time she sees Jenna. She

puts her arm across her chest, and Jenna knows it is Rachel’s way of saying, “I love you.”

“I know that growing up with a sister and brother with disabilities equipped Jenna with a toolset that makes her job at CCRI very personal and enjoyable,” Bob explains. “But I believe regardless of her background she would, and always will, gravitate toward employment where she can help people and interact with them on a personal level.”

“During my interview at CCRI, I was asked what one thing I could improve on,” recalls Jenna. “My answer was to be a better listener. Through my past four years at CCRI and 11 years of being a mom, I can now say that is my biggest improvement. That doesn't always mean words, but actions, facial expressions and body language too. It's amazing what you can learn when you listen!”

operation foster

Jenna has always taken pride in having a ‘congregating house.’ Whether it’s the Super Bowl or the holidays, they’ve always welcomed company. In 2010 the family moved into a larger home and Bob approached Jenna with an idea to take advantage of their increased space and invite even more ‘company’ into their home.

“Her first reaction was really, really positive because she thought I had meant fostering children,” laughs Bob.

But Bob meant animals. Jenna, busy with her CCRI job, kids and house, including the three dogs and two cats they already had, had reservations. But the more she thought about it, she came to realize this was the ideal opportunity to teach her children about generosity, love and responsibility. “I approached it like a real family project,” Jenna says.

Bob and Jenna immediately applied and were accepted to become a foster family with the FM Humane Society. The Pepsin’s are one of roughly two dozen families in the Red River Valley the FM Humane Society can call upon to foster animals.

“They obviously have a strong love for animals and they want to help. This is a relatively easy way for them to help,” says Heather Clyde, Shelter Manager of the FM Humane Society.

However, even Heather admits the Pepsin’s first foster situation wasn’t exactly easy. Bob came home with a litter of 3-week-old sick baby kittens who needed to

be bottle fed. “Most people who want to help out with bottle kittens often have a stay-at-home parent or they don’t have children or their pets are their kids,” Heather explains. “It takes extra effort with bottle kittens and it’s pretty much like having a litter of babies. But the Pepsin’s did an awesome job!”

“It was so cute to see these little tiny kittens crawling all over our kids,” says Jenna with a smile. “We got to watch our three kids hold these kittens and feed them with a bottle. Where else are you going to see that? It was such a great learning experience.”

All three kittens were adopted, including one by the Pepsin’s. Soon Bob brought home a 9-month-old male dog named Pippin. After a several week stay, Pippin found a home too with—you guessed it—the Pepsin’s!

“I am not sure we are an ideal foster home as we ourselves have become ‘foster failures,’" admits Bob with a chuckle.

With four dogs and three cats, Jenna says her family is at capacity and is only taking animals in on an emergency foster basis. Regardless of the added mess and stress a houseful of animals has brought, Jenna and Bob wouldn’t change a thing.

“It was amazing to watch how nurturing our wonderful kids have turned out to be. We must have done something right!” she says with a smile.

her time

Carrying the load of wife, mother, caregiver, and foster parent would leave anyone drained. Jenna is no exception. But throughout her life, Jenna has proven that she has the dedication, drive and passion to overcome any challenge. She draws a large part of her fighting spirit from her over 16 years practicing in Tae Kwon Do.

“I needed the discipline,” she admits, “but it was also a good fit for developing my leadership skills. That

certainly carried into my military career in the Reserves and my other work life.”

Now, Tae Kwon Do is the one thing Jenna can say for sure she does for herself. “You need to have something for you,” she stresses. “As a woman, you can become what everyone else needs you to be but not who you need to be.” Turns out, who Jenna is, is someone not to be messed with. She recently tested for - and passed - her 3rd degree black belt at USA Spirit Christian Tae Kwon Do Academy.

Audrey sees the benefits Tae Kwon Do has had on her daughter. “It has taught her to raise her own expectations of herself and it enriched her relationship with God.”

“Becoming a black belt... that’s a long journey,” says John Bedore, 6th degree Master Instructor who has worked with Jenna since the first day she walked onto the mat. “Jenna had to put in lots and lots of hours of training and rigorous testing. It takes perseverance. She’s had to persevere through lots of things in Tae Kwon Do and in her personal life. And she’s succeeded every step of the way.”

simple success

Jenna has a lot of responsibilities and roles. She tackles each head on, does them well and looks for nothing in return.

“Jenna always shies from the limelight and never seeks or gets enough recognition for all that she does,” Bob says. “There isn't enough chocolate in the world to thank her for what she does for us!”

“As cheesy as it sounds, my real rewards are knowing a non-verbal client is trying to tell me something and I get it right. It's a fellow parent complimenting my parenting. It's having time to spend sitting at the side of a pool on a weekday watching my kids swim. It's a quick "thank you" from a supervisor for doing something I didn't realize would require recognition. It's giving an animal a temporary home,” Jenna states. “These are the best rewards!”

No, Jenna doesn’t look for anything in return, but she holds on tight to the riches of life.

photo: thuen design | scott thuen

ready, set

grow

ol’ school remedies

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

You’re a reasonable mama. You don’t rush to the ER with every sniffle or scrape your kiddo has…or are you? Of course anytime you have concerns about the wellbeing of your kiddo, consult your trusted physician, but in this issue of Ready Set Grow we’re going to chat about some home treatment options for common kiddo occurrences. Sit back, learn something and dream about what you’ll do for numero uno with all the insurance co-pay money you’re going to save!

wee ones

Your wee one’s skin is so perfect…until you take off that diaper to reveal a bright red, chapped bottom! No one wants their wee one to resemble one of those red bottomed monkeys on the National Geographic channel!

red bum be gone

Most every wee one gets a diaper rash, so don’t beat yourself up or assume something is wrong when they happen. But some rashes can be more severe than others and some wee ones are more prone to getting them. You can do your best to decrease the likelihood of rashes by first changing diapers frequently, especially getting

to the poopy ones ASAP! Then you need to make some changes if necessary:

• new duty catcher All diapers are not created equally. They fit differently, absorb differently and have different fragrances and what not. Your sensitive little bum might need a little trial and error to find the right one. Also consider using cloth diapers. And when it’s diaper laundry day, add 1/2 cup of vinegar to the rinse cycle. This helps remove alkaline irritants.

• wipe it…wipe it good Stuffs gotta be gone and dry. Make sure all remnants of diaper surprise are removed and that little bum is dry as the Sierra desert. Also, consider giving that bum some breathing room and get a little fresh air before slapping on that diaper right away.

• consider h 2o When it comes to wipes, make sure they are unscented or just use water. Do your best to take the irritation out of everything that comes in contact with that sweet, little bum.

• defensive measures If rashes seem to be a common occurrence consider using one of the creams or pastes on the market to give your wee one a barrier of defense. And just like diapers, it might take some trial and error to find the one right.

bum spa treatment

When a rash really flares up, consider a nice, warm bath with some added soothing help. Try two tablespoons of baking soda or 1/3 cup of ground up oatmeal and soak for 10 minutes. With the oatmeal bath, be aware that the tub can get very slippery, so be careful. After this mini spa treatment, make sure you dry your wee one well before re-diapering. Diaper rashes typically only require home treatment, but if the rash spreads to other parts of the body or starts to show signs of infection [such as increased pain, swelling, a fever, clear, fluid-filled blisters, pus in or draining from the rash], talk to your doctor.

diaper rash is especially common between 8 to 10 months of age

in the mid-1950’s Harvard researchers determined nearly 90% of 24-month-olds in the US were successfully potty trained, but since disposable diapers were launched in 1961, the average age has increased to between 36 and 38 months

Potty time is a big deal for your tot. “Do you have to go potty?”; “Come on, let’s go potty.” ; “Yeah, you went potty!” Lots of daily focus it spent on when he goes and what he did. So, not being able to go can throw a real wrench in potty plans.

times are hard

It is very common for tots to experience constipation or times of infrequent or unusually hard #2-s. And every tot’s “normal” bowel movement pattern is different. Some tots go daily, others weekly. If you notice changes in normal patters, stools that are hard and small or large and knobby, he is straining on the toilet or is holding in poop because it’s going to hurt if he goes, his tummy is bloated and/or sore or he starts having accidents with runny #2-s, it’s time to take some action:

• wash it out If your tot isn’t drinking enough fluids, the colon steals water from waste material and gives it to the rest of the body. Pushing the fluids can help get things moving.

• get movin’ Being active helps with digestion and gets the bowels moving. So get your tot out to play and run around.

• p’s for… Yep…poop! Consider natural laxatives like the four P’s: prunes, peaches, plums and pears. Eat ‘em, drink ‘em diluted or straight up and see if everything works its way out.

It’s important to do your best to relieve constipation when it hits as it can become a self-perpetuating problem: tot get’s constipated…it hurts to go…tot doesn’t want

to go…tot holds on…stool gets harder, larger and more painful to pass. This is a bad cycle to get into. As you treat constipation also take into consideration your tot’s diet and what is currently happening in his life. Make sure he is getting enough fresh fruits, vegetables and whole grains. And lastly, be aware that emotions can have an effect on intestinal function. If there is anything creating stress for your tot, it can cause constipation as well.

preschoolers [3–5 years]

She can catch flying phlegm in a single bound…snot is no match for her…airborne germs can’t get through her defenses…puke? Give me a break! She’s super mom and cold and flu season is no match for her!

here a yack, there a cough, everywhere a puke

The best offense for cold and flu season is a good defense. Instill healthy habits in your kiddos early [regular exercise, good nutrition, adequate sleep and

proper hand washing]. But as hard a good mama will try it’s inevitable your preschooler is going to catch something. Regardless of the symptoms, no mama likes seeing their kiddo sick. And if at all possible, we prefer to not give them medicine, but not at the expense of them being uncomfortable. Here are some treatment options for what ails ya:

• sour throat How about a little lemon with your honey. Lemon juice dries up congestion and honey offers a soothing coating. Mix together a tablespoon of each and microwave about twenty seconds or until it is warm [not hot]. Have your preschooler drink slowly, about a teaspoon at a time. Remember that honey is not for kiddos under 12-months-old.

• cool a cough Turn to a cool-mist humidifier when your preschooler has a nagging cough. Moist air helps ease coughing and congestion. Don’t forget to clean your humidifier frequently as it can be a breeding ground for mold and bacteria. The last thing you want to do is spew gunk into the air…keep it clean!

• get comfy When your preschooler isn’t feeling well, get them comfortable. Push the fluids [water, juice, warm soups] to prevent dehydration, get plenty of rest and consider pain relievers as needed. Keep in mind that the use of over-the-counter pain relievers, such as acetaminophen [Tylenol] or ibuprofen [Advil, Motrin] are not recommended for kiddos under age two and it is extremely important to read the label of any and all cold medicine you give your preschooler to ensure overdosing doesn’t occur.

during cold and flu season alone, 59% of surfaces in your home can be contaminated with the flu virus [and it can survive for more than 48 hours]

There’s no stopping a big kid at play. Runnin’ and jumpin’ is usually followed by random collisions resulting in some much needed mama first-aid.

a dash of this and a touch of that Bumps, bruises and scrapes are a rite of passage for our big kids and their love of activity. When a hug and kiss aren’t enough to put them on the mend, try some of these fixes for common battle scars:

• spicy stops Gotta nosebleed? Start by keeping your big kid’s head upright and pinch his nostrils together for several minutes. Then sprinkle a pinch of ground cayenne pepper [yes cayenne pepper] on a wet cotton swab and dab the inside of it on the area that is bleeding. This spice helps clot blood and has been used as such by cultures around the world. And surprisingly it doesn’t sting like you might expect.

• cool reducer Sure, you’ve seen the spa scene where the client is relaxing with two perfectly placed cucumber slices on their eyes. Well, there’s a reason…cucumbers are great for reducing mild swelling. Keep a few slices in the fridge and apply as needed. Then when they start to warm up, swap ‘em out with a new batch from the fridge.

• black eye away The best treatment for a black eye is ice and a lot of it the first 24 to 48 hours. You’ve probably heard or seen the old raw steak to the eye treatment. It isn’t the raw meat that does the trick; it’s the coldness of the steak. A cold pop is just as effective. The thing to remember when applying ice or another cold object is to not put pressure on the eyeball.

big kids [6–9 years]

• bruise be gone What a beautiful color show a bruise can provide. If you want to help that bruise heal a little faster, consider busting out the cayenne pepper again. Take one part cayenne pepper and five parts melted Vaseline, mix and cool and then apply once a day.

more kiddos ages 5 to 14 are seen in emergency departments for injuries related to biking than any other sport

It’s in every house, can fix most anything and is MacGyver’s best friend. What is it? Duct Tape, baby! And now you have another use!

creepy, crusty

Let’s face it, no one wants a wart. And as your tweener puts more and more attention on the reflection in the mirror, it’s safe to say a wart isn’t on the list of “musthaves.” Warts are a type of infection caused by one of

the 100 viruses found in the human papillomavirus [HPV] family. They can occur anywhere on the body, but are commonly seen on the hands and feet. Warts can be spread from one person to the next by touching the wart or using shared items such as a towel. The good news is many people have a natural resistance to HPV. The bad news? Others are more susceptible and get warts easily.

So, what do you do with a wart? For warts on your face or other [below the belt] areas, go to the doctor. For those found on your hands, fingers, knees or feet, treating at home can be successful. There are a number of over-the-counter wart treatments you can try or you can turn to the junk drawer and give duct tape a shot:

1. place a small piece of duct tape over the wart and leave it on for 6 days [if tape gets icky or comes off, just reapply]

2. remove the tape and soak the wart in water for a few minutes

3. then, use an emery board or pumice stone to remove dead skin

4. apply a new piece of duct tape and repeat the process until the wart is gone

The duct tape method can take up to 2 months, but it’s a great because it is painless. Why does it work? The experts aren’t exactly sure, but one theory is that the duct tape, and what it’s made of, irritates the wart and stimulates the immune system to fight off the virus causing the wart. Worth a try!

in most cases, warts will disappear on their own in 6 months, but in severe cases, they may never disappear and can multiply

caffeine makes the changes of suffering from severe PMS symptoms four times greater

She’s sweet, kind and so much fun to be around. But there is something lurking, something dangerous and terrifying…your teen with PMS! When that hormone train comes roaring into the station and derails right in the living room for no rational reason, no one is safe and everyone is heading for cover!

we feel your pain

There is a tricky hormone dance happening within your teen that we mama’s know all too well. Most of the time estrogen and progesterone are in perfect step, but once a month one can start stepping on the toes of the other and balance is no more. Estrogen takes the lead and your teen is left feeling anxious and irritable. More progesterone and she’s feeling depressed and fatigued. No fun for anyone when things are out of balance. Here are some tips to help your teen combat the hazards of being a woman:

• 1200mg will do Taking about 1200 milligrams of calcium can lesson symptoms of PMS such as bloating and cramping. Also consider limiting caffeine, sugar, artificial sweeteners, processed foods and hydrogenated fats from her diet.

• fiber up Eating additional fiber [and drinking plenty of water] can help the body get rid of excess estrogen and eliminate toxins. Not to mention fiber is also great at making you feel full, which can help ward off PMS cravings for not such healthy foods.

• vitex anyone Also known as Agnus Cactus or Chastetree or Chasteberry or Monk's Pepper, Vitex is a plant that’s use has been dated back to Hippocrates in the 4th century B.C., and clinical studies have found it to lesson pesky PMS symptoms. In a nutshell, Vitex works through the hypothalamus-pituitary axis to restore balance between estrogen and progesterone.

Clinical studies have shown a reduction in headaches, breast tenderness, bloating, fatigue, cravings for sweets, as well as feelings of anxiety, irritability, depression and mood swings.

• gym time Exercise has been found to be a great reducer of PMS symptoms. Just another reason to get your teen moving.

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Who is Sally?

She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.

season... for choice tis the

story by | deb uglem

We made a quick stop at Starbucks recently and were so excited to receive our drinks in that festive red cup! My daughter and I even giggled a little as the overly friendly barista handed us our warm treat. We each read aloud the inspiring message on our cup finishing with an, “ooohhh that it so nice.” Instantly I thought I should start an annual Holiday Starbucks run with my girl—she will remember it for years.

As a young mother it was a goal of mine to create the perfect holiday tradition. One problem—I haven’t been able to get one to stick. I guess I feel a little pressure because my mother is great at tradition. We receive ornaments yearly and for the last 40 years I have attended

my mom’s Christmas Eve Brunch. Imagine a morning filled with family members arriving at Grandma’s house dressed in our Christmas best, greeting each other with hugs and presents. Ok, the reality is we are more like A Christmas Story than Miracle on 34th Street, but you get the idea.

With this kind of training and support it should be easy enough. Right? My first attempt, the collecting of special ornaments, lasted two years until my twins literally ate the bright red balls! What a mess, cuts in their mouths followed by ornaments in the garbage. Next up a homemade dinner served on china of course—add a hectic work schedule and Dominos saved me. On to decorating the tree as a family…then practice, dates

and friends got in the way; so now it’s just my tradition to complete. The list of attempts could go on for miles.

As moms we are the unofficially keeper of family memories. It doesn’t matter if your cookie cutters are in the shape of the Star of David or a Christmas tree, you are in charge. The stress and obligation can make you feel like you are not doing enough for your family and friends. It is easy to be caught up in it all.

It’s time to remember you have a choice. This season start to take responsibility for your own experiences. You can choose to stress over what you haven’t done or be envious of another family’s ritual or you can choose to embrace the fun and magic of this time of year. Eliminate obligation from this year’s to-do list. Don’t attend functions because you have to; go to enjoy the company of everyone in attendance. Take a step back and find time to window shop.

Don’t force your children into something because you have done it every year. Who cares if you can’t get together and bake the cookies, have a great conversation with your kids over Oreos and milk. If you are willing

to look, I know you will find that your traditions are there in some form or another. Times are changing , embrace your choice to commit to appreciating the season regardless of the circumstances or pressure you may feel. Once you choose gratitude you will focus on the fun and enjoyment of the season and your family.

I have been working on traditions for just over 18 years. So last week I took a poll of my family and asked them, “What is your favorite family tradition?” The results—one vote for the cousins snow football game; two votes for Uncle Bob’s trivia game; one vote “I’m not sure, we do a lot”; and my husband went with Egg Nog—clearly not understand the question [in his defense he was reading the paper during the polling]. It saddened me just a little when I realized that I was not involved in the creation of even one of these traditions.

In the years ahead I know I will continue on my quest to create that everlasting family event, but I have chosen to let go of the pressure to make it stick. For now I am proud that my family had an answer to my impromptu poll [even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear]. I guess our family tradition is making many different memories!

Sneak some sweet & silly into your holiday season

photo: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

My word is

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