Aug/Sept 2012 On the Minds of Moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC

EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT

On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

OTMOM is a FREE publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbachers, Sunmart and Grand Forks – East Grand Forks Hugos grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers.

Copyright 2012 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may

val wagner

monango | nd

Back in the day, Val swore to herself that she was getting as far away from North Dakota as she could and was never stepping another foot on a farm...isn't life funny? Now living on a farm and raising four boys in as rural of an area as one can get, she realizes how great farm life can be. Through the encouragement of her friends, she started a little blog called Wag'n Tales, which chronicles the destruction and devastation that occurs when you have boys...as well as a few lessons about farm life and where your food REALLY comes from. She's married to Mark, AKA Boss Man, and is passionate about agriculture, rural living and sharing her story.

deb uglem

moorhead | mn

Raised in Finely, ND, Deb has called Moorhead, MN her home for the last 10 years and has been a stay-at-home mom since returning to the area. She graduated from Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications. She is excited about her newfound time to write and finds it a welcomed distraction to her daily activities. Most daily to-do’s center around her four children’s sport and school activities. Jake [18], Tony [17], Nick [17] and Emily [15] keep both her and husband Tim running in several directions. During her free time you can find her putting in some road miles, spending time with friends, or on the golf course.

patricia carlson

dilworth | mn

What do you get when you mix a full-time, freelance writer with a 1-year-old girl, two cats, a dog, a husband who works evenings, a house that needs picking up and nearly a dozen publications and clients who need their deadlines met? Welcome to Patricia Carlson’s life. She is an award-winning journalist whose work spans magazines, television, radio, newspapers and the internet. She has produced, written, edited and directed programs for ESPN Radio, History Channel and Hallmark Channel. And she hosts customized media training workshops for groups like the North Dakota National Guard. You can view her work at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance.com

dawn hoffner

fargo | nd

A lifelong North Dakota resident Dawn has over 25 years of health related communication and education experience. She has a child development associate credential and has been with Prairie St. John’s since 2007, where she promotes behavioral healthcare services as a member of the executive leadership team, director of business and the community liaison department. Prior to joining Prairie, Dawn did consulting and was a full time faculty member responsible for the community health major at Minnesota State University Moorhead. Dawn resides in Fargo with her two daughters and son.

A1994 Fargo North High School graduate, Heidi Rohr, grew up the third oldest of four kids in her family [two sisters, Heather and Holly, and brother Eric] She attended North Dakota State and Valley City State earning a BA in Elementary Education Currently a kindergarten teacher at Washington Elementary School in north Fargo, Heidi has always loved children and knew she was destined to be surrounded by hoards of them! Mom to Colton [15], Karsen [13], Kiara [3] and Keagan [1], Heidi has a love for travel and dreams of being able to visit her husband Michael’s family in Switzerland at least once a year Michael speaks Swiss-German to the family at home and they all agree the cultural experience of traveling abroad and the opportunity to practice what they’ve learned would be neat and of course, educational!

photos: rialee photography | lindsey johnson

mod momheidirohr age36,moorheadmn

i’m raising my kids to… think of and be considerate of others. Because our family has such a wide age spread, my big kids often put their own desires aside for the happiness of their younger sister and brother [sometimes it’s their own idea, other times is strongly advised from mom and dad]. Also, because the big kids are both full-fledged teenagers, they are constantly practicing the ideas of compromise, cooperation and how to finish a heated discussion with composure.

one word that best describes my parenting style… flexible.

i live for… laughter, the best ab workout!

if i were to write a parenting manual, the title would be…

“Your Kids, Your Priority”

if i were a color, i’d be… purple. I have adored this color since I was three and have faithfully stuck to my choice in adulthood. My first pair of glasses were purple—large, round, plastic and purple. Now, my bedroom is purple.

the best mistake i’ve made…

agreeing to a date with my Swiss friend whose dog I would care for when he was traveling for work. We went to the opening of Monte’s Downtown and had such a fabulous time. We were married four years later and I couldn’t feel more blessed.

when i feel overwhelmed with life i… sit back and quietly remember I have been through worse. I stand very still, watch the craziness that is my family buzz around me, and remind myself that everything will work out…it always has.

The North Dakota Heart Gallery is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping children find everlasting homes by raising awareness with the help of the community and volunteer photographers.

every mom/woman should have…

great friends that you can share times of joy or frustration with, and also to get an outside perspective from. being a great teacher means… understanding what each child needs and how they learn. Every student learns and develops in his/her own unique way; it’s my job to pull out their best and show them what they can do, and then teach them to be proud of what they’ve accomplished. something i admire but would never do… be a police officer; they get to drive fast and carry a gun, but also have to deal with the many problems in a community.

as a family we always make time for… movie nights during the school year and lake time in the summer; this is when we are all together, laughing and making memories.

my sisters give me…

sanity; whenever I feel as if I don’t understand something about life or family, I call one of my sisters and they help me realize I am not crazy.

the best advice i can give my teens… don’t give up easy; every time life knocks you down, get up, dust yourself off and get back in!

the show i watch when i want to laugh…

Big Bang Theory, it makes really smart people very funny. my mom was right about…

the importance of taking care of yourself, physically and mentally; you owe it to your kids, your spouse and yourself.

a pet peeve of mine…

when people interrupt other people when they’re talking, as if they already know what the person is going to say.

the oddest thing in my purse…

I have seven different colors of lipstick and my favorite mint lip gloss, although I really only use the lip gloss. the book that has had the biggest impact on me…

Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children

Responsibility by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. The idea of children learning from the natural consequences of their own choices is brilliant! I use this in both the classroom with my Kindergarteners and at home with my kids.

three words my husband would use to describe me… smart, driven and strong.

your teen a car for choosing

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

story by | state farm

Cost considerations aside, it's not a good idea for newly licensed drivers to immediately have their own car. For one thing, you may be sending your teen a message that having a car and driving immediately is a right he or she is entitled to—rather than a privilege that is earned along with experience. It's a much safer and wiser plan to have your teen establish a safe driving record before you give your teen free reign of the roadways.

All new drivers are at the highest risk of getting into a crash during the first six months after receiving their license. Don't be in a rush to give your teen the privilege of independent driving in all conditions and situations right away and not in his or her own vehicle. Read additional helpful insights on setting house rules.

We know you spend a lot of time and effort driving your children around and many look forward to their teen being able to help with some of these responsibilities. But it’s worth waiting a few months more to keep your teen and your car safe!

crashes

• In their first year on the road, teens are almost 10 times more likely to be in a crash.

• 20% of 11th graders report being in a crash as a driver in the past year.

• 25% of 9th graders report being in a crash as a passenger in their lifetimes.

• Crash risk increases incrementally with each mile per hour over the speed limit.

• Current data on crashes involving 16-year-old drivers shows that having multiple teen passengers in the vehicle is twice as likely to cause a fatal crash as alcohol-impaired driving.

• Crashes are more common among young drivers than any other age group. In the United States, one in four crash fatalities involves someone 16 to 24 years old, nearly twice as high as other age groups.

guidelines on cars

When the time is right to help your teen pick out a car, here are some guidelines on the best cars for teens:

• Avoid cars that have a sporty, performance-type image. These vehicles can encourage young drivers to speed and test their performance. SUVs and pickup trucks are also not the best choice for a teenager. While they may seem a safe choice because of their

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size and weight, they're actually more likely to roll over in a crash. A teen driver's high crash rate and an SUV's high rollover rate can be a deadly combination.

• Later-model mid- and full-size passenger cars are good choices since they offer sufficient weight, as well as updated safety features. Small cars offer less crash protection because of their size/weight. Look for a car that has other air bags in addition to the standard driver and passenger airbags. Side and curtain air bags add an extra measure of crash protection.

• Other safety features that might benefit your teen are Electronic Stability Control [ESC) and Anti-lock Braking System [ABS], as well as intelligent seat belt reminder systems that make it difficult or annoying to drive without all occupants wearing their seat belts.

When you find a car that seems like a good choice, be sure to check safety ratings with the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration [www.nhtsa.gov] or the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety [http://www. iihs.org/].

a word about finances

From the National Young Driver Survey, we learned that 61% of 9th through 11th graders share the vehicle they drive most often with someone else. Only about half of them said they're responsible for fuel costs; however, only about 25% were responsible for paying any maintenance or repair costs.

Other research shows that awareness of the existence of monetary fines for traffic offenses can be a strong incentive for improving driving safety. Likewise, parents can use the costs associated with driving as a bargaining point. For example, you can agree to cover gas, as long as your son or daughter adheres to the terms of the parent/teen driving agreement.

For more information about teen driver safety and tools for new drivers, visit http://teendriving.statefarm.com.

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For families, the NICU is a place of care, hope and healing.

For our board-certified physicians, neonatal nurse practitioners, physician assistants and nursing experts, it’s a place of science, technology and research.

As the most comprehensive NICU in the region, we bring intensive care near, so families can stay close. So infants have access to the most compassionate care and advanced treatments. And so families can get back to what matters most – life.

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photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

story by | dawn hoffner

We’ve all experienced it. Maybe it was brought on by thoughts of a big exam we needed to do well on; maybe it was getting on an airplane; a dreaded upcoming dental appointment; or even something wonderful like starting a new job or a wedding.

What all people experience at some point, including our children, is an emotion called anxiety.

what is anxiety?

Anxiety is a multisystem response to a perceived threat or danger. This means there does not have to be a real threat or danger, just the perception. And perception is in the eyes of the beholder. It can range from a feeling of unease at its mildest, to a full blown panic attack at the most severe end of the spectrum.

Some have referred to it as “a pit in my stomach.” A feeling of worry or nervousness, anxiety can be brought about by an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Feelings of apprehension are often associated with anxiety. And while anxiety usually gives people the desire to take action and do something, excessive anxiety can be paralyzing.

Anxiety is a state that has physical, emotional, cognitive and behavioral components. And anxiety is considered to be a normal reaction to a stressor, because it may

help a person deal with a demanding situation. However, when anxiety becomes excessive over a prolonged period of time and interferes with normal daily activities, it could be an anxiety disorder.

Anxiety disorders can include:

• Panic disorder

• Obsessive-compulsive disorder [OCD]

• Post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD]

• Social phobia [or social anxiety disorder]

• Specific phobias

• Generalized anxiety disorder [GAD]

Each anxiety disorder can have different symptoms, but all the symptoms are associated with excessive, irrational fear and dread.

how common is it?

While anxiety is a common emotion, prevalence of generalized anxiety disorder [GAD] in children and adolescents only ranges from 3-5% in childhood, with gender distribution usually about equal for boys and girls.

In adolescence however, there may be greater gender differences. Studies really vary, but some suggest a female-to-male ratio of 6:1, meaning significantly more girls affected than boys.

The age of onset also varies, but GAD is more common in older children and adolescents than in young children.

Small Wonders

signs & symptoms

To help determine if your child may be struggling with anxiety and may need help to overcome it, ask yourself the following questions:

• Is your anxious child resisting school or other activities, acting panicked or angry if forced to attend?

• Are they withdrawn and requesting to avoid new situations or people?

• Are they crying more, reporting feeling sick and not wanting to leave you?

• Are they obsessing over things such as germs or school work?

• Are you seriously worried about them, how they're doing academically, socially, physically?

• Is there family history of anxiety or other mental health conditions?

Anxiety disorders usually last at least six months and can get worse if they are not treated. They can also occur with other mental or physical illnesses, which may mask anxiety symptoms or make them worse. This is one of the many reasons why it may be beneficial to consult with a professional as soon as possible if your child is struggling.

treatment

Effective therapies for anxiety disorders are available and research is uncovering new treatments that can help most people with anxiety disorders lead productive, fulfilling lives. Treatment options may include counseling and mediation therapy. If you think your child may have anxiety disorder, seek more information and treatment right away. Early intervention is always important but especially so in children, when significant growth and learning opportunities are occurring every day and may be missed.

parenting tips

Parents naturally want to help their children and as a parent, it can be heartbreaking to witness your child suffering in any way and not know how to really help. Here are ways you may be able to assist your child with anxiety issues:

modeling

• Let your child hear you talk about feelings. Feeling the whole range of emotions at various times and in various situations is normal. Hearing others discuss emotions in a calm matter of fact way can

demonstrate to children that they don’t have to be afraid of feelings.

• When appropriate, do your best to present positive or at least neutral descriptions of events and situations.

• Try to avoid passing on your fears to your child by keeping them to yourself if possible and appropriate.

• Assure your child that it can be safe to explore.

• Humor helps people deal with the world, so show your child how to laugh at life's mistakes and absurdities. However, always avoid laughing at or minimizing your child's fear[s].

• Teach your child to answer his/her own questions and provide reassurance by how you think through and respond to your child's questions.

• Take time for yourself even if your child wants to be with you at all times. You are modeling for your child that everyone needs some time to themselves.

help your child handle his/her own feelings

• It is okay to let your child experience some anxiety. Your child needs to know that anxiety is not dangerous, but something that can be coped with. Again, let your child know all feelings are okay and

it is alright to say what you feel. Anxious children sometimes have a hard time expressing strong emotions like anger or sadness because they fear people will become angry with them.

work together as parents

• Regardless of your relationship, it is important to work with your child’s other parent to have an agreed upon way of handling your child's anxiety that you both feel comfortable with. It is important that one parent not be "too easy" because the other parent "pushes too much." This can be confusing when a child does not know what to count on.

build your child's personal strength

• Help build your child's competence by searching and finding opportunities where your child can show he or she is good at something [music, art, sports].

• Help role-play or act out possible ways your child could handle a difficult situation. Saying it out loud makes kids more confident and more likely to try the strategy when they are alone. Talk about how pretending we are brave can help us act brave and can lead to us really feeling brave.

• Praise your child for facing challenges, trying something new or demonstrating a brave behavior. Some children like big loud exuberant praises, others like a quiet pat on the back.

let your child do things on his/her own

• While it is very tempting, it usually is not best to take over and do things for your child. You may think you are helping your child feel better in the moment, but the message your child gets is that you don't believe they can do it themselves. This can reinforce your child thinking the same way about him or herself.

set expectations

• Be sure your child has chores around the house that show your child is contributing to the family.

• While it is important to have similar expectations of your anxious child that you would of another child [to go to birthday parties, make decisions, etc.], understand that the pace will need to be much slower and there is a process needed to meet this goal. Help your child break down big tasks into

smaller steps that your child can accomplish [first go to the party with your child and agree to stay as long as your child is interacting with others, next time stay for the first half hour and so forth].

• Reassurance is important, but try not to get caught continually reassuring your child that everything will be okay. Sometimes it isn’t.

• Don't confuse anxiety with other types of inappropriate behavior. Set reasonable expectations and limits and appropriate consequences for inappropriate behavior.

Parents who have reasonable expectations of their children and clear and consistent limits and consequences for behavior, along with love and acceptance are doing what can have some of the most significant implications for raising competent, self-confident happy and healthy children. And isn’t that what we all want?

Help is available. For more information, visit with your family healthcare provider, school counselor or go to www.prairie-stjohns.com.

source: National Institute of Mental Health

MEET DR. BRENDA BARFIELD ALONG WITH DR. ANN SLAMA & DR. NAINA MAHALE

story by | otmom

Domestic and sexual violence are perhaps the most misunderstood public health issues of our time. The costs are high, but also preventable. This Fall you can take an active role working to prevent personal violence in our community by participating in the It’s Everyone’s Business: Summit to Prevent Domestic and Sexual Violence.

where did the idea for the summit come from?

The event itself is modeled after a summit held in Minnesota in 2009. Locally, it started in 2011 with the launch of the It’s Everyone’s Business campaign. Through the support of the Fargo Police Department, Prairie St. John’s and the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center, a series of public service announcements were developed with the purpose of bringing personal violence out from behind closed doors and help everyone realize and accept that each of us plays a role in ending personal violence. The summit is the next step in working toward preventing personal violence in our community.

is our community really impacted by personal violence?

YES! Did you know…

• The results of a 2010 survey by the Centers for Disease Control indicate that 452,000 women in

Minnesota and 48,000 women in North Dakota are survivors of rape. The survey also identifies that 982,000 Minnesota women, 442,000 Minnesota men, and 77,000 North Dakota women are victims of sexual violence [other than rape].

• Sexual, physical and psychological violence cause as much illness and death among women aged 15–44 as cancer.

• The Rape and Abuse Crisis Center had a total caseload of 2,911 in 2011 [2,408 adults, 503 children].

• Child sexual abuse and exploitation are more common than teen pregnancy, childhood obesity or pediatric cancer.

• Nearly one-in-four women and one-in-seven men have been sexually assaulted in their lifetime.

• Experiencing abuse leads to as much as a 2.5 fold increase in health care utilization in adults who have been victimized at some time in their lives, resulting in increased healthcare expenditures of up to $750 billion annually or 37.5% of all healthcare costs.

• In 2011 there were 2,355 court hearings related to domestic violence and sexual assault in Clay and Cass County.

• Sexual violence costs 3.3 times as much as alcoholimpaired driving in Minnesota.

• In more than 70% of pornographic images reviewed by the National Center for Missing and Exploited

Children, the children are sexually abused and further exploited by someone they know and trust.

• Sexual violence cost Minnesota $162 million dollar in lost work in 2005.

With local and national statistics like these it’s easy to understand how we can all be affected. It could be your neighbor, your employee, your friend, your child’s teacher, your babysitter…your child. Yes, it is everyone’s business and by attending this summit you have the opportunity to be the change our community needs.

what can i expect from this summit?

You will be a part of a think tank for local and state leaders from government, industry, academia, media, philanthropy, faith and non-profit issue experts to come together to identify and discuss effective prevention practices and strategies for our community. You will be a part of a multi-media experience incorporating information sharing, artistic expression and discussion. Learn about the magnitude of the problem and environmental factors that influence intimate partner and sexual violence right here in our community. You will have an opportunity to become a prevention champion.

can i really make a difference & prevent personal violence?

Primary prevention addresses the root causes of intimate partner and sexual violence and seeks to stop violence before it occurs. Beliefs, attitudes and messages that are deeply embedded in our social structures help create a climate that condones sexual violence and intimate partner violence. We can change the odds by countering these environmental factors and social norms that support unhealthy behaviors. Minnesotans and North Dakotans have already successfully changed social norms about smoking, infant car seat use and recycling. There is no reason why we can’t be a part of the movement that implement prevention approaches, ensure appropriate responses and support efforts based on data and research.

when, where & how do i sign up?

It’s Everyone’s Business: Summit to Prevent Domestic and Sexual Violence will be held Tuesday, September 18, 2012 at the Ramada Plaza Suites from 8am to 4:30pm. This is a free event, but space is limited and registration is required online at www.raccfm.com. This is a truly unique opportunity to spearhead change right here in our community…don’t miss it!

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story by | val wagner

anodetoelse

It’s a plague that has hit our nation hard…and possibly the world. And the cure seems to be hard to swallow.

I hear it all the time. From friends, from family, from workers, from leaders…the dreaded Someone Else.

One of the quotes I hear most often is, “You’re a mother of four, isn’t there Someone Else who could do that?” And the answer is an obvious yes, but the reality has become an obvious no.

When did our world become so indifferent to what was going on around it? When did we become satisfied with the status quo and willing to accept everything at face value? Oh, we like to talk a big game, and complain about our lot in life, but when it comes down to it we’re willing to pass the buck.

Do I need to clarify?

I see it in the news all the time. Someone Else has done something wrong and Someone Else is responsible. Someone Else should have to pay and Someone Else needs to make some changes. People want to vote, but not for choices A, B, or C, but for Someone Else. And maybe we could make some change, but Someone Else would be just as bad.

Someone Else is responsible for our lot in life, and we could take the chance to improve ourselves and work for a better tomorrow, but it would be easier if Someone Else would pave our way…or better yet, pay our way.

Someone Else is the reason why I’m this way, and Someone Else will have to step up and reach out to me, just so I can make it another day. Someone Else will have to pay the price and Someone Else will write the check…physically or otherwise.

Someone Else is responsible for the food on my plate and Someone Else isn’t doing a good enough job. Someone Else

should be watching out for our children and Someone Else should be rewarding those that are doing it right. Yes, I’m a little tired of this Someone Else. Yet, I see hope. Recently, our local school had a meeting regarding the future of our wrestling program…and truly the future of most sports programs in the school. The numbers are glum, but the future holds a glimmer of hope. And the best hope of all was that this group of people decided that Someone Else isn’t the best person to have respond. It’s simply time to act.

I will admit that there are times when you truly need to involve Someone Else. But it’s mostly an excuse to pass the responsibility on to another party, somewhere down the road. And it’s time to stop.

I better get to my dishes and laundry. I know Someone Else won’t do them.

8–12

East Grand Forks 125 Anniversary

218.773.2483

www.egf.mn

Head across the river for some major fun in East Grand Forks. Parade, fireworks, live music, wagon train, games, contests and an all-school reunion are on the schedule.

9 Music Montage

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Join in an interactive evening of music outside on the park plaza at Great Northern Park [425 N Broadway, Fargo] 6pm–8pm. An open mic format invites talented local musicians to perform to a crowd of all ages. Get your shot up on the stage or just enjoy the up and coming talent in our community.

9 & 16 Park It!

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Meet the Xcellent Art teacher at the park & create take home arts & crafts 1pm–4pm. This is a FREE event. August 9th at Village

West Park [4415 9th Ave Cir S, Fargo] & August 16th at Centennial Park [4101 25th St S, Fargo].

11, 18 & 25

Town Square Farmers Market

218.779.1382

www.tsfarmersmarket.com

Every Saturday, through September, the Town Square [3rd St & DeMers Ave in Downtown Grand Forks] will be filled with a variety of vendors selling everything from fresh produce & homebaked goods to handmade jewelry & clothing.

13

Fargo Rock Concert

701.499. 7788

www.fargoparks.com

Punk, Rock, Metal! Two bands! Three different nights! All ages welcome! Get your friends and come out to see the areas up and coming musicians Dike West [310 4th St S, Fargo] 7pm–9pm. These shows are FREE and all ages are welcome to attend.

13

Movie Night

701.499. 6060

www.fargoparks.com

Come to Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] at dusk for some fun in the park at the annual Summer Movie Nights! The fun starts when the sun goes down with a movie complete with free Pepsi and popcorn while supplies last.

14

RiverArts

218.299.5340

www.cityofmoorhead.com/parks

Celebrate summer at RiverArts in Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead] from 5:30pm8:30pm! Bring the whole family for an outdoor concert, horse drawn carriage rides, shopping, farmers market & kid’s activities. FREE admission.

16

Community Play Day

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Take a Free Play Day at Rheualt Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 9am–11am & 1pm-3pm! Play yard games, do a take home craft, climb on the playground and move to

music outside in the sunshine! Daycares are welcome. Adult supervision is required.

16

Red Strider Family Fun Day

701.226.8681

www.diabetes.org

Children and teens 18 and under living with diabetes, along with their families, are invited to TNT Kid’s Fitness and Gymnastics Academy [2800 Main Ave, Fargo] to enjoy an open gym, participate in fun-filled games and  activities, learn more about this year’s Step Out: Walk to Stop Diabetes events and meet other families who are impacted by diabetes. Open gym starts at 5:30pm with dinner following at 6:30pm.

16 & 23

Red River Skies: Catch a Falling Star

218.477.2920

www.msumplanetarium.com

Live planetarium guide to the August skies and meteor showers. 7pm at the MSUM Planetarium [#167 Bridges Hall, 11th St & 7th Ave S, Moorhead]. $5 adults; $2.50 children, seniors, tri-college students.

events event calendar | august

18

Art & Wine Walk

www.visitgrandforks.com

Join the North Valley Arts Council, the Greater Grand Forks Convention and Visitors Bureau, local businesses and regional artists for an afternoon of wine tasting and art in Downtown Grand Forks and East Grand Forks, 1pm-5pm.

18–20

Pioneer Days

701.282.2822

www.bonazaville.com

Pioneer Village at Bonanzaville [1351 W Main, West Fargo] comes to life with authentic parades, demonstrations, costumes and crafts.

19

BMX Jam

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Bikers, show off your tricks at the BMX Jam at Dike West Skate Park [310 4th St S, Fargo]. All skill levels can participate in the exhibition. Helmets are required. Prizes will be given away.

23

Children in Self-Care

701.241.5700

www.ag.ndsu.edu/ casscountyextension/ home-and-family

Through discussion and activities, this class will help parents understand developmental stages of children, assess stay-alone readiness signs in their children, recognize issues that need to be discussed, understand guidelines for establishing self-care rules, discuss safety rules and problem solving and make informed decisions based on what's best for their family. Class takes place at the Dr. James Carlson Library Community Room [2801 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 6:30pm-8pm.

24 & 25

Potato Days

800.525.4901

www.potatodays.com

Lots of fun for the whole family in Barnesville. Parade, games, contests and don't forget… Mashed Potato Wrestling!

25

Rollin’ on the River

www.rollinonthered-inline.com

Grab your friends & skate the plains. Head to Grand Forks and celebrate our unique strengths, healthy living customs & culture for skating with this two day event featuring an Inline Skating Marathon!

25

Walk to Defeat ALS

www.walktodefeatals.org

Join a team, form a team or walk proud on your own. The walk to Defeat ALS fundraiser is hosted by the MN Chapter who's mission is to fight for a cure, treat and empower those living with ALS. Monies raised stay local so walk your way to Lindenwood Park [1905 Roger Maris Dr, Fargo] for the 9am registration and 10am walk start.

25

All About Enrichment

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Head to the Zoo and learn how the zoo provides stimulating activities for the

animals and why it is important. Keeper talks and activities throughout the day. Zoo hours 10am-7pm. Regular admission rates apply.

25 & 26 Island Park Show

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Bring your friends and indulge yourself while spending a day at Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] shopping in the shade! Find unique items, enjoy excellent food and listen to great music from 10am-5pm.

26

Streets Alive

www.fmstreetsalive.org

Turn off your engines. Turn on your hearts! Join our annual event to spark human movement! Three miles of downtown Fargo and Moorhead streets shut down to motorized traffic so you can walk, run, bike, skate, dance and eat or meet with healthy vendors.

september events

7

Wine & Wishes

701.280.9474

www.northdakota.wish.org

Come out to the Holiday Inn [3803 13th Ave S, Fargo] and help the Make-A-Wish Foundation® of North Dakota grant wishes!

The fun starts at 6pm & includes wine tasting, silent auction, program, live auction & music. Tickets available at Happy Harry’s Bottle Shop and Hornbacher’s.

8 JunkFest & Flea Market

www. junk-fest.blogspot.com

You can’t miss this year’s Autumn JunkFest held at the Foster County Fairgrounds in Carrington, ND! This festive gathering of Trash Talkers and Treasure Seekers will have tons of refurbished and repurposed treasures for your home and garden. The fun begins at 9am sharp with a “shotgun start” to get the blood pumping. Music and laughter will fill the air and treasures will be plentiful every direction you look, all the while you'll be basking in an aroma of delightfully tasty food. See you there!

8

Moos, Ewes & More

701.231.9611

www.ag.ndsu.edu/ansc

Head to the NDSU Equine Center [5140 19th Ave N Fargo], 10am-2pm for some FREE family oriented fun and take in a little slice of agriculture right here in Fargo. Meet and greet the beef cattle, dairy cattle, horses, sheep, pigs and fowl that call NDSU home. Learn about where our food comes from and research projects that are ongoing at the university. Watch demos on sheep shearing, cow milking, equine hoof trimming and much more. Free samples from the NDSU Meat Programs – “Bar-b-cue Boot Camp” specialists. Food and drink counter available.

9

Grandparents Day

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

Bring grandma and grandpa to the Zoo and they will get in free! Zoo hours 10am–5pm.

9, 10, 16, 17, 23, 24 & 30

Cosmic Colors: An Adventure Along the Spectrum 218.477.2920

www.msumplanetarium.com

Head to the MSUM Planetarium [#167 Bridges Hall, 11th St & 7th Ave S, Moorhead] for the planetarium film about light and colors followed by an autumn night sky show. The fun starts at 2pm on the 9th, 16th, 23rd & 30th and 7pm on the 10th,

17th & 24th. $5 adults; $2.50 children, seniors, tri-college students.

12

Child Passenger Safety

701.234.7233

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your kids riding safely? This class is designed to give participants the knowledge on correct use of car seats. This class meets licensing requirements for Minnesota child care and foster care providers. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6pm-9:30pm. Space is limited. $30 fee & registration is necessary.

15

Art & Wine Walk

www.visitgrandforks.com

Join the North Valley Arts Council, the Greater Grand Forks Convention and Visitors Bureau, local businesses and regional artists for an afternoon of wine tasting and art in Downtown Grand Forks and East Grand Forks, 1pm-5pm.

16

Red Strider Family Fun Day

701.226.8681

www.diabetes.org

Children and teens 18 and under living

with diabetes, along with their families, are invited to TNT Kid’s Fitness and Gymnastics Academy [2800 Main Ave, Fargo] to enjoy an open gym, participate in fun-filled games and  activities, learn more about this year’s Step Out: Walk to Stop Diabetes events and meet other families who are impacted by diabetes. Open gym starts at 1pm with snacks following at 2pm.

17

Family Fun

218.284.3400

https://communityed.

moorhead.k12.mn.us

Bring us your moms, your dads, your grandparents, your infants, toddlers and preschoolers! We will enjoy our time together in theme-related activities, play and learning. Young children learn best by exploring materials firsthand. Classes available 8 Monday, 8 Wednesday or 8 Fridays at Probstfield [2410 14th St S, Moorhead]. Fees apply & registration required.

18

It’s Everyone’s Business Summit

701.293.7273

www.raccfm.com

Through support of the Verizon Foundation, Dakota Medical Foundation, Fargo-

Moorhead Area Foundation and the United Way Cass Clay, the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center will host this full-day experience at the Ramada Plaza Suites and Convention Center [1635 42nd St S, Fargo]. This will be unlike any seminar you have attended and will challenge your head, tug at your heart, and inspire you to action. The target audience includes those community members who are able to affect change in the business and social environment. No cost to attend but registration is required.

18

Wonderful, Wobbly Ones

218.284.3400

https://communityed. moorhead.k12.mn.us

From sleeping and creeping to walking and talking, this is a most amazing year. Join other wobbly ones and their parents to play in the classroom and gym and talk about what is happening to your growing child. Choose from 7 Tuesdays or Wednesdays. Fees apply & registration required.

20

Family Fun with Little Ones

218.284.3400

https://communityed. moorhead.k12.mn.us

This fun-filled family class is just for the wee ones in your lives! We'll play, paint, sing and probably laugh out loud, all in a child-friendly environment at Probstfield [2410 14th St S, Moorhead] where we can connect with others in similar stages. Meets 5 Thursdays 9am-11am. Fees apply & registration required.

22

B.L.A.S.T Babysitter's Day

Camp

701.364.1738

www.fmambulance.com

The initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper changing techniques, also learn about when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

22, 23, 29 & 30

Fall Festival

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Celebrate the change of seasons at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] the 22nd & 29th, 10am-5pm & the 23rd & 30th, Noon-5pm. Purchase a pumpkin from the Pumpkin

Patch, partake in arts & crafts, decorate a pumpkin cookie, play carnival games, get your face painted and so much more!

Take Back the Night

701.293.7273

www.raccfm.com

Take a stand against violence and head to the Island Park Gazebo for a community picnic starting at 5:15pm. Rally begins at 6:30pm followed by a march to Veteran's Bridge. Don’t miss it!

Book Study: Take Back Your Kids

701.241.5700

www.ag.ndsu.edu/casscountyextension/ home-and-family

This book study and discussion will help parents gain confidence in their parenting role, define their family's values, place family life as a priority in their home and promote respect in parent/child relationships. This book is of great value for parents of children of all ages, especially mid elementary through middle school. It provides practical guidance for parents in an ever changing and demanding world and sets the stage for parents to encourage and support each other. Research shows that the objection to parental authority peaks

around age 14-15. In popular culture, we think of high school as the risk years, but the psychological forces driving deception surge earlier than that. A great class for parents of tweeners. Your $20 fee includes the book and group will meet Tuesdays, September 25th, October 2nd & 9th, 6:15pm-7:45pm at Cheney Middle School [825 17th Ave E, West Fargo].

28 & 29

Wild Hog Grand Forks Half Marathon

701.746.0444

www.gfmarathon.com

This inaugural event features great exercise and fun for the whole family. Happenings include a Family Fun Night on Friday and a half marathon, half marathon relay, 10-K, 5-K & Family Fun Run on Saturday. After Saturday's races there will be a celebration in Town Square featuring live entertainment.

29

Doughnuts with Dad

218.233.7594

www.larl.org

Make your way to the Moorhead Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead] for a morning filled with fun, donuts and stories with Dad or the special guy in your life.

october events

1, 7, 8, 14, 15, 21, 22, 28, 29

Cosmic Colors: An Adventure Along the Spectrum

218.477.2920

www.msumplanetarium.com

Head to the MSUM Planetarium [#167 Bridges Hall, 11th St & 7th Ave S, Moorhead] for the planetarium film about light and colors followed by an autumn night sky show. The fun starts at 7pm on the 1st, 8th, 15th, 22nd & 29th and 2pm on the 7th, 14th, 21st & 28th. $5 adults; $2.50 children, seniors, tri-college students.

4

Car Seat 101 for Expectant Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6:30pm-8pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

6, 13, 20 & 27

The Little Star That Could

218.477.2920

www.msumplanetarium.com

Don’t miss the children's planetarium cartoon about stars and planets with live night sky show afterward, 11am at the MSUM Planetarium [#167 Bridges Hall, 11th St & 7th Ave S, Moorhead]. $5 adults; $2.50 children, seniors, tri-college students.

8 & 27

CPR for Family & Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Participants will learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction and will receive an American Heart Association participation card. 6pm-8pm on the 8th and 9am-11am on the 27th at Sanford Health [1711 University Dr, Fargo].

15 & 16

Women’s Business SummitFor the Strategic and Savvy Business Woman!

www.trainingnd.com

This Summit, held at the Bismarck Civic Center [315 S 5th St, Bismarck, ND] will feature two intense days of training, networking, business growth opportunities, personal development, professional focus and of course…. Fun! Whether a professional in the workplace, a business owner or simply a woman aspiring to improve herself, you will be able to choose a customized learning track to fit your needs. One track will follow key ideas to implement and fine tune for the workplace, a second track will follow key areas of focus for business owners and a third track will be interchangeable universal principles for any woman wanting more out of her career. Keynote speaker, Ali Brown, the voice for women's entrepreneurial success, is dedicated to empowering women entrepreneurs and will share her story and insights with us during a special luncheon.

16

SHARE Support Group

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

The mission of SHARE Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. is to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through pregnancy loss, stillbirth or in the first few months of life. This group meets on the third Tuesday of the month at the Faith United Methodist Church [909 19th Ave N, Fargo], 7pm-8pm.

19

RACC Harvest Moon Fling

701.293.7273

www.raccfm.com

Support the Rape And Abuse Crisis Center with a night of fun at the Courtyard by Marriot [1080 28th Ave S, Moorhead] from 7pm-11pm. Wine Tasting, silent auction, hors d'oeuvres and live entertainment will fill the night. Call or go online to purchase tickets.

20 Art & Wine Walk

www.visitgrandforks.com

Join the North Valley Arts Council, the Greater Grand Forks Convention and Visitors Bureau, local businesses and regional artists for an afternoon of wine tasting and art in Downtown Grand Forks and East Grand Forks, 1pm-5pm.

24 Child Passenger Safety

701.234.7233

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your kids riding safely? This class is designed to give participants the knowledge on correct use of car seats. This class meets licensing requirements for Minnesota child care and foster care providers. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway North, Fargo] between 6pm-9:30pm. Space is limited. $30 fee & registration is necessary.

31

Where is Waldo? Trick-orTreat!

218.233.7594

www.larl.org

Stop by to trick or treat at the Moorhead Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead] and try to find Waldo hiding somewhere. Find him and get a special prize!

31 West Acres Trick-or-Treat

701.282.2222

www.westacres.com

Bring your little ghosts and goblins to the mall [3902 13th Ave S, Fargo] and join West Acres merchants and other local organizations for a fun indoor Halloween Trick-or-Treat [while supplies last].

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area it is encouraged organizations submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com

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When your toaster turns into a pyro.

life is about using the whole box of crayons

—RuPaul

Melissa Bloom [36] spent her pre-elementary years growing up on a dairy farm in Minnesota

Her dad was a self-motivated individual who did everything at 110% and her mom provided a caring and nurturing environment for the kids Melissa would like to think she got the best qualities of both her parents, a motivated self-starter who is caring and compassionate This married mom with five kids, Austin [16], Hannah [14], Hope [4], Jackson [2] and two step children, Seth [20] and Emily [19], is always busy, yet has still found time to open, not one or two, but three child care centers in the Fargo-Moorhead community Lil’ Bloomers Child Care & Preschool, Baby Bloomers Infant Center and Early Explorers Child Care & Preschool offer child care for kiddos 6-weeks to 12-years-old With a curriculum and activities focused on the social, emotional and intellectual development of each child, Melissa and her staff believe that learning these traits are the basis for a happy, creative and well-rounded child And Melissa loves her job! She’s the first to say that she not only added businesses to her busy life, but she also gained an extended family of children, parents and staff; something she is humbled by and never takes for granted

photos: rialee photography | sabrina kliniske

mompreneur

when was your business established?

melissabloom earlylil’bloomerschildcare&preschool,babybloomersinfantcenter, explorerschildcare&preschool

I opened Lil’ Bloomers Child Care in June 2007, in my home. By December of that year, we had relocated to our current location, with 73 children enrolled. In August 2008 we expanded our infant classrooms by adding an additional 2000 sq. feet and three infant classrooms. Parents continued to gain interest in our center, which brought us to our second addition in November 2010. That addition allowed us to add two more Preschool classrooms and a Gymnasium. We are currently licensed to care for 173 children—6 weeks through 12 years of age.

Baby Bloomers Infant Center was established in August 2011. We [myself and Heidi Borgen] opened the infant center to help meet the ever demanding need for infant care in the Fargo area. Baby Bloomers specializes in care for children 6 weeks–24 months, and can accommodate 48 children.

Early Explorers Child Care & Preschool is the most recent center added to our child care family located in Moorhead, MN near Rasmussen College on 30th Avenue. We decided to expand into the Moorhead area due to the fast growing residential areas in South Moorhead. Early Explorers provides care for infants, toddlers, preschool and pre-kindergarten children.

how many employees do you currently have?

There are 97 employees between the three child care centers.

what teacher credentials do you require?

The credentials are different in Minnesota and North Dakota. In ND, our infant and toddler teachers are not required to have an AA or BA but we do prefer it. Of our Infant and Toddler Head Teachers 95% have either an AA or BA in child

development, elementary education or another child related field. In MN, our infant and toddler teachers are required to have a Child Development Associates or Bachelor’s Degree in a child related field and at least 12 months of experience in a child care setting. The Preschool [3 year olds] and Pre-Kindergarten [4-5 year olds] teachers are required to have a Child Development Associates Degree or a Bachelor’s Degree in a child related field.

prior to opening lil’ bloomers, what experience did you have?

Prior to opening Lil Bloomers, my experiences involved management, accounting and the social services industry.

what inspired you to open a childcare center?

I was working as a District Manager for a local Property Management company, but did not feel that I was making a difference in people’s life. I have always enjoyed being around children and watching them grow both socially and developmentally. I took a leap of faith and decided to open an in-home daycare so that I could make a difference in a child’s life by providing a positive, loving, educational environment.

how are you involved in the daily activities of the kids?

I am not as involved in the children’s daily activities as I used to be and would like to be. I am more involved in the behind the scenes work, but I know that we would not be able to provide what we do if it were not for everyone that does their part, no matter how big or small that may be.

in addition to the standard childcare you provide, what is the most unique service[s] you offer?

When I was a working mom with three children in child care, they were unable to participate in many activities because I was unable to take off of work to get them there. So, we offer many activities, classes and field trips that working parents would want their children to be involved in but are not able to get them to due to their work schedules. We offer gymnastics classes, tae kwon do, swimming lessons, mandarin language, ballet and creative movement dance classes, and too many field trips to mention.

what is the most challenging part of owning your own preschool and childcare centers?

When a family chooses to withdrawal their child/ children from our care, regardless of the circum-

stances. We become very attached and create a close relationship with the children during the time we are caring and educating them. Tears can be seen by teachers, directors and parents on a child’s last day or when a parent tells us that they are withdrawing their child/children.

how would your staff best describe you?

This is such a hard question to answer; I don’t care to talk about myself, but I hope that they would say I am approachable, appreciative, fair but firm, caring, hardworking, have high expectations, and that I am busy, busy, busy.

what quality do you believe every woman needs to have to be successful in business?

Have a vision for your business. You need to hold onto your values and be confident in who you are and what you are capable of. Having ambition and drive to succeed is also a must. If you are as lucky as I am, you will have a loyal, hardworking staff that have a positive outlook and want your business to succeed as much as you do. It also does not hurt to have a wonderful support system of family and friends.

what would you say your least favorite part of running the centers is?

Not being able to make everyone happy whether it relates to parents or staff. Many times I have to put on the business hat when I would rather not.

do you think there are any misconceptions in the childcare profession?

I think that one of the big misconceptions about child care is that we are in it for the money. We

operate on a very tight budget with over 75% of our tuition being used to pay our staff. That does not leave a lot left to cover things such as rent, insurance, food, disposable items, toys, equipment, improvements and transportation. We will be the first to say that our teachers are worth a lot more then we can afford to pay them.

in one word, describe your centers?

Relationships. The relationships that we have with our families is very important to me.

outside of your profession, what might we find you doing?

I spend my free time with my husband, children, extended family and friends. We recently took up camping as a hobby. The kids and I love it—my husband, not so much! You will also see us where ever there are classic cars or a car show.

do you feel like you’ve had to make any parenting sacrifices to be your own boss?

When I initially opened the center, I sacrificed time with my husband and children. I worked 12–13 hour days for the first year the center was open. My family was more than patient during that time because they shared my vision and wanted me to succeed. I am now able to have a more flexible schedule, which allows me to spend more time with my children. what is necessary to make your day run smoothly?

A Diet Coke and a great attitude!

how has your family benefited from you opening your own businesses?

Owning my own businesses has given me the ability to make my own decisions, implement my ideas and have flexibility with my schedule.

what is your strongest mompreneur skill? Multi-Tasking.

are you able to delegate when you feel stretched too thin?

I am able to delegate when my plate is too full, however, it depends what I am delegating and whom I am delegating it to. When I am stretched thin, my family steps up and helps out as much as they can.

what lessons do you hope you’re teaching your children about owning a business?

I want to instill several things in my children. I want them to be dedicated and committed to whatever they are doing. I want them to be responsible, respectful, moral people. I am also teaching them to take initiative and go after your dreams and/or goals. how would you describe your blended family and the challenges and blessings you experience daily?

Our house is never quiet or boring. We have been very blessed with our blended family. The kids all get along and enjoy spending time together. The biggest challenge we have is finding a spot in church where we can all sit together. It is not as easy as you think to find a place for nine people. We get some strange looks when we go out in public together. We are the modern Brady Bunch and we love it!

timeless images photography

rialee photography

studio 60 photography

michelle warren photography

timeless images photography

tiny sprout portraits

studio 60 photography

michelle warren photography

tiny sprout portraits

The fear when you find a lump in your breast.

The concern that sends you to the clinic.

The relief when your doctor doesn’t think it’s cancer.

“But I was still concerned,” says DeAnn O’Hara. “I knew something was wrong.”

At three months pregnant, she had a lot at stake… getting help

DeAnn’s difficult journey began in October 2009. Then she was a customs border patrol officer living in Kenmare, ND, five hours from Fargo. But she’d heard of Sanford Breast Health.

“When I called and described my situation, they got me right in,” says DeAnn. The next day she and husband Patrick made the long, quiet trip.

An appointment at Breast Health led to tests and a next-day consultation with breast surgeon Dr. Michael Bouton. His concern led to an immediate needle biopsy. Two days later, the results.

“Devastating and scary,” says DeAnn. “I was 27, pregnant with my first child and had aggressive breast cancer. Pregnancy hormones likely sped its growth.”

From then on, DeAnn fought with all she had… for two lives.

one team working together

DeAnn needed the expertise of several specialists: oncologist Dr. Shelby Terstriep from Sanford Roger Maris Cancer Center, fetal medicine specialists from Sanford Women’s, neonatologists from Sanford Children’s, and more. All worked as one to treat DeAnn’s cancer while keeping her baby safe and healthy.

Early steps included chemotherapy to reduce the size of the rapidly growing tumor, a mastectomy in January 2010, then more chemotherapy. Struggling with hair loss, breast loss, fatigue and more, DeAnn somehow found strength.

“I focused on my growing baby rather than myself. I had to get through this for him,”

she says. “In a way, my baby saved me.”

Frequent fetal ultrasounds assured DeAnn and Patrick that all was on track. But at eight

months, an ultrasound showed dangerously low amniotic fluid, prompting labor induction.

On February 25, 2010, Connor Wayne arrived weighing 4 pounds 1 ounce. A Neonatal Intensive Care Unit team provided immediate specialized care in the delivery room.

“It was a long, painful day, but at the end I had a baby—perfect, but small,”

says DeAnn. Connor spent the next 41 days in the NICU. DeAnn visited him daily, fitting in her chemotherapy treatments at the Cancer Center.

“Connor and I were both so well cared for,” she says. “The people at Sanford were incredible, plus I had great support from my family, friends and coworkers. I couldn’t have done this without them.”

Two steps remained: six weeks of radiation therapy in summer 2010 and a final round of chemotherapy. She completed all in early 2011.

Today DeAnn is cancer free. “Amazing,” she says, tearing up. “It was quite a battle…”

strong family of three

It’s late afternoon in June 2012…now living in Pembina, ND, the O’Hara family leads a busy life. DeAnn’s home from her day’s work as an import specialist. Patrick’s on duty as a customs and border protection officer. And Connor? He’s healthy, growing and eager to build castles in his sandbox.

“Come on, mamma, let’s play,” he says, tugging on her arm. And oh how mamma plays…

fighting for two

photo: sanford

Born in Alexandria, MN, Jesse and older sister Melissa were raised by Lois, a special education teacher for 30 years and Glen, the owner and operator of Viking Garage Door Company until his recent retirement Growing up Jesse can remember his dad always saying, “Work hard and do your best…God will provide the rest And no matter what, family ALWAYS comes first ” Words Jesse still lives by today He studied Psychology at St Cloud State University and MSUM, as well as obtained a MN real estate licensure and is currently a Land Procurement Representative [he represents people affected by the government acquiring land for state projects] and is a bartender at Granite City Food and Brewery in Fargo Jesse enjoys downhill skiing, food, spending time on the lakes in Alexandria, fishing [any time of year], golfing, riding his Harley and fiddling with cars He also volunteers as much as he can by doing motivational and prevention speaking engagements for at-risk teens and chemically dependent teens and young adults Jesse and his wife, Abby have a beautiful daughter, Lucy [18 months], and are anxiously expecting a baby boy in September

photos: rialee photography | andrea burner

rad dad jesseforster age27,moorheadmn

something i never expected when i became a dad… how powerful and special the bond between father and daughter can be. i’m good at… relating to people.

if i could give my wife anything it would be… to reach the point in my career that I could provide the opportunity for Abby to have the freedom to choose to continue her occupation or to stay at home and be with our children. i really wish i knew more about… what the future holds. I wish I had all the answers. the funniest person i know…

I’d like to say myself… but I’m pretty certain that my wife would object to that! my very first job was… working for my dad’s garage door company.

the parenting tip i’ve mastered… get on their level and keep it simple.

something i miss from my childhood… having no responsibilities and wasn’t it great when NOBODY had cell phones? I miss that…

i could spend hours…

detailing my cars and Harley. I’m borderline obsessed!

our date night rule… cell phones off.

i’m not embarrassed to admit…

i don’t know everything, especially when it comes to parenting.

being a dad has made me appreciate…

the sacrifices my parents made to provide all of opportunities for my sister and I. I strive to commit to the same and do everything it takes to give my children the opportunities they deserve.

my friends would describe me… fun, genuine, caring, happy and a bit high strung.

i love taking my daughter…

on wagon rides to the park, Barnes and Noble [great place for a family day] and to the Red River Zoo. the store that best describes me…

Banana Republic Men’s Store, Scheels and Harley Dealerships!

the last time i was really surprised…

my wife threw me a great surprise birthday party with all of my friends and family. I was secretly having a pity-party because we had just moved to Moorhead and I missed my friends and family.

i am grateful for…

my wife. She is my rock and the anchor of our family. She continues to build me up and support me in everything I do and my successes wouldn’t have been possible without her.

nut free zone!

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

story by | otmom

As the school year kicks off, both parents and kids are diving head first into the school social scene: play dates are getting scheduled, after school activities are beginning, snack lists are distributed and birthday party invites are soon to arrive. Social calendars and to-do lists will soon be busting at the seams with merriment, laughs and treats. And along with all of this, many of us will receive notice that one of our child’s classmates, teammates or friends has a nut allergy. But rest assured, food allergies don’t mean less fun, not when there is proper communication and we all know the facts to do our part in reducing the risk of reactions.

According to a recent study supported by the Food Allergy Initiative, roughly two kids per classroom have a food allergy. Needing to appropriately manage food allergies in the school social scene requires some conscious consideration when filling up the lunch bags, planning the play-dates, and getting the parties started. Because in the end, we want all our kids safe, right?

Communication and understanding is key for everybody, because managing food allergies cannot be the sole responsibility of the child and his parents – some children are too young to communicate what they need, and parents are not physically at school, on the bus or at play dates all the time. Knowing how to help prevent allergic reactions, recognizing allergic reactions when they do occur, and knowing how to respond to an allergic reaction with the appropriate emergency medicine and procedures to protect that child is information we all need to possess.

We asked Dr. Lara Lunde, Family Practice Physician at Essential Health—Moorhead and Joy Jacobson, Fargo Cass Public Health nurse and liaison for Fargo Public Schools some questions to help us understand, prepare and know what to expect regarding peanut or tree nut allergies.

will peanut allergic children outgrow their allergy?

Recent studies have indicated that approximately 20% of children will outgrow their peanut allergy by age six. The majority will continue to be allergic throughout their lives. With young children, it is worth repeating

the allergy test as they grow older to see if there is any change in the status of their peanut allergy.

how can you tell if a child is having an allergic reaction? what should you do?

A child having an allergic reaction can present a variety of symptoms—most commonly, skin hives, redness at area of contact and itching. There can also be swelling and airway affects—wheezing, difficulty swallowing. If a child is having an allergic reaction—first call 911. If you have an EpiPen—which you should be prescribed with a documented history of anaphylaxis—you need to use it right away.  Benadryl could be used with milder reactions, but this should not replace a 911 phone call or with mild reactions, a phone call to your provider.

can someone allergic to eating peanuts also have a reaction by touching or smelling peanuts?

Yes, an individual with a peanut allergy could have a reaction to touch or even the smell of peanuts. This really depends on the level of the allergic response. Most aerosolized exposures result in minor skin reactions. Again, avoidance really is the best policy.

For a nut-free zone, be sure to read products labels and stay away from foods that include statements such as “may contain nuts” or “processed on shared equipment with nuts.” And remember these label reading tips:

• ingredients can and do change over time Don't assume that a food product's ingredients are going to always be the same just because the last time you purchased the product it was safe.

• manufacturing practices can vary from one locale to another Different plants across the country are run by the same manufacturer, but can and do

use different ingredients even though the basic packaging looks the same. When searching for products, don't assume that the same product you are shopping for at home has the identical ingredients when you are grandma’s grocery store. It may not.

• different sizes of the same product may have different ingredients Manufacturers also may use different ingredients for different sizes of the same product or different sizes may be made on shared equipment when other size versions of the product are not.

For a list of peanut and tree nut free snacks, visit www.onthemindsofmoms.com/body+being

are there ways to reduce the likelihood of allergens in my home or in the classroom?

Most household cleaners and wipes will clean the allergen from most tabletop surfaces. Also, hand soap—bar and liquid—are good at removing it from hands. The gel cleaners are not as good at removing peanut allergens from hands—interesting little tidbit. Also try to practice the avoidance of cross contamination by avoiding use of kitchen tools that may have come in contact with peanuts. If they are cleaned well—dishwasher—you should be fine.

is a child with a peanut allergy safe playing in a friends’ home? what do parents need to do to keep that child safe? A child absolutely is safe to play in another child's home. Education and sharing of information are the best tools to ensuring a safe play environment. If a child has a known peanut allergy, it is best to have those items containing this allergen out of reach. An EpiPen should be with the child's guardian at all times to ensure safety as well.

what do schools do to make peanut allergic students safe?

When a parent notifies the school of their child’s allergy, the school nurses begins working closely with the school staff and family to provide education. The playground supervisors and cafeteria staff are also involved in the education process. There is a peanut free table in the lunchroom. It is a goal to make the school life as normal as possible for each student.

The Fargo Public Schools have all the forms related to allergies on their website [www.fargo.k12.nd.us].  An Emergency Care Plan is filled out by the parent and signed by the physician listing a plan of action for an allergic reaction. The school nurse than makes the school staff aware of each individualized plan—prevention and education are the main goals when dealing with peanut allergies in the schools.

Food allergies are manageable, but we all need to be educated and sensitive to the situation. So, let the fun being…whether there are nuts or not!

sources: kidshealth.org | foodallergy.org | kidswithfoodallergies.org

a teacher's ultimate

for parents

story by | otmom

School supply lists are out, back to school shopping has begun and the kiddos are just about ready to kiss summer vacation good bye. As you frantically get them ready for school, are you ready to help them do their best? Well, OTMOM reached out to over 30 K-12th grade teachers from around the region with teaching experience ranging from 3 to 23 years and asked, “what are the most important things parents can do to help their kids do well in school?” Here are the key areas that kept coming up and some of the responses from our fabulous educators:

routines & being prepared

• Make sure your child gets enough sleep each night—research suggests 11–14 hours per night. Have your child to school on time or before the bell so he/she is ready to start the day with the class.

• Choose clothing and pack backpacks the night before so that children are not rushed in the morning. No one likes to start the day in a tizzy!

• Scheduling long vacations during the school calendar only sets students behind in their school work. Believe it or not kids are stressed about making up the school work when they return from their “vacation.”

• Develop a homework/study routine and be consistent with it. Included in this can be designated times each night without cell phones, iPods, etc.

• It is never too early to start talking about the classes students should take to get them ready for college. Help them map out their high school classes as early as 8th grade. Colleges all have different entrance requirements so if your child has a college in mind it is good to check it out early.

read, read & read some more

• Find time—at least 15 minutes a day. Author Emilie Buchwald summarized it best: "Children are made readers on the laps of their parents."

• Starting at an early age read to your child as much as possible. Read signs, even items in the grocery store.

• When a classroom teacher sets up a reading incentive program, don't blow it off. Read with your children and send in the required slips or whatever the teacher has put in place to show accountability.

• Model good reading habits. Even reading the daily newspaper will help a student become more of a life-long reader.

• Expose kids to different genres and allow them to have their favorite books, but allow them to experiment. As the child gets older ask them detailed questions about what they are reading such as “who is your favorite author?”, “what was your favorite part in a book?”, “what would you have done if you were a character?”

communicate & know what is going on

• Talk with your child about their surroundings/ opportunities/experiences to build vocabulary and understanding.

• Check with your child every day to see if they have homework. Don’t assume that because your child isn’t doing homework, they don’t have any.

• Make sure you ask your child daily and let them know that you will be checking their grades often. Most schools have grades online that parents can access. If you’re in tune with checking grades frequently you can usually help your child or talk to the teacher before his/her grades fall to low.

• Don't wait for parent-teacher conferences to talk to your child’s teacher. Most teachers welcome consistent communication with parents. E-mail is a convenient and efficient way for a teacher to quickly touch-base with a parent.

• Get to know your child’s teachers. If you have not met some of the teachers that your child will have, stop in and meet them early in the year. This will make it easier to talk to them if you have concerns throughout the school year.

• Teachers, parents and students need to work as a team. This can make beautiful things happen!

• When a situation arises, calmly consider all sides before jumping to conclusions when your children are involved in a conflict.

• Maintain a positive attitude and approach to school and life. Focus on the GOOD that your student does. Remember, for every negative comment you child hears they need to hear six to seven positive comments to repair their self-esteem.

• Be involved with your child. Have time at night where the TV is off and have a conversation. Find out what they like or don't like and get to know their friends and the parents of their friends.

• Encourage your child to talk to their teacher if they need help and be a self-advocate. Teachers are willing to help children before school, during school and after school. Just ask!!

• Make time each night to help your child organize homework/materials for the next day. Teachers will not do this for him/her at school, so please do not do this for him/her at home. Instead, guide and model for him/her how to become responsible for their materials and work. In time, gradually release all/ most of the responsibility to your child. This means less work for parents and a sense of ownership and confidence for your child.

there is a time for tough love

• Parents need to allow students to face the consequences when it is given—instead of making excuses for why the work is late or not done at all.

• Promote accountability. Parents, stop taking the blame for something your child does or doesn't do. Too often teachers get notes or calls from parents telling them that the assignment or slip that didn't get turned in, is their fault and not their child's. Parents need to let their children fail and have consequences...how else are they going to learn what real life is like!

• Children make mistakes! The most important thing is that they learn from them. If your child comes home and complains about something that happened in the day, remember there are always two sides to the story. Call the teacher and find out what happened. Teachers are more than happy to discuss whatever questions you might have.

• Teach respect and honesty. Students need to be shown how to respect others around them. Often times the lack of respect gets in the way and then learning cannot take place.

• Teach your child independence with chores and when they are young: zipping up coats, tying shoes; when they get older: talking with teachers, checking up on grades, etc.

be involved

• Ensure that your child is in school every day. Pulling them out because they have an assignment due or a test does NOT help learning.

• Please, please, please don't look for a teacher to parent your child. If you tell a teacher you don't know what to do....are they supposed to tell you what to do? That's just uncomfortable.

• Don't fight battles for your child, don't doubt your child isn't perfect and support doesn't have to mean defending him/her.

• Love your child, expect the best, raise them to think that school and their education is their job, sports/ activities come second, and get them help if they’re struggling. Children need love, support, boundaries and they need it from all angles of their education.

• Show your child that you will support them in new activities that they want to try. Schools offer a wide variety of enriching activities like band, choir, drama, dance, speech, science clubs, student council, sports teams and the list goes on. Encouraging your child

to become active in their school will help them meet new friends and take pride in their education.

• So, there’s your school supply list. Let’s commit to having high expectations for our children, while instilling a love of learning. Be involved and supportive, without diminishing our children’s responsibility and accountability to themselves and their work. And let’s spend quality time with our children, attend their events, keep talking and enjoy this wonderful ride of parenthood!

Thank you participating teachers from:

Longfellow Elementary School and Davies High School – Fargo, ND

L.E. Berger Elementary – West Fargo, ND

Lake Agassiz Elementary School and Century Elementary School – Grand Forks, ND

Central Cass Middle School – Casselton, ND

Carrington Middle School – Carrington, ND

Central Middle School and Devils Lake High School – Devils Lake, ND

Horizon Middle School and Moorhead High School – Moorhead, MN

YOUer YOUer

than than YOU! YOU!

story by | kathleen wrigley

"So be sure when you step, step with care and great tact. And remember that life's a great balancing act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! [98 and ¾ percent guaranteed].—Dr. Seuss [Oh, the Places You'll Go!]

Perhaps moms ought to have this tattooed—ON OUR FOREHEADS. Motherhood, for all its well-documented joys, has become a socket for debate on everything from breast-feeding to being a working mom. The scorn begins at conception—even my earlobes were huge after gaining 72 pounds with my first pregnancy—and it follows us through our children’s adulthood. It’s only after they have their own babies that we are freed from

thuen studios | scott thuen

the scrutiny. These judgments produce the top three energy sapping emotions: envy, resentment and guilt.

With 11 ½ years of experience in this job, I’ve learned the common denominator for mothers: guilt. There’s no getting around it. We all struggle. We grapple with our choices and paths: do I stay home or go back to work? Breast-feed or bottle? Disposable or cloth…ok, that last one is easy, but you get the point. We search for balance and compare ourselves to other moms. Our neighbor’s grass is always more lush and full. A wise frog once sang, “It ain’t easy being green…” It ain’t pretty either, Kermit.

Envy, guilt and worry are part of being human—part of being a mom. While we can’t ditch them outright,

photo:

we should work on not measuring ourselves based on what others do or how they do it. Finding balance and peace is a challenge. It’s not something we just want, wiggle our nose and it happens. It’s a process.

I am a stay-at-home mom—by choice—and I feel lucky. Even so after all these years, I feel as though I have to back this up with: “but I volunteer, and I sit on boards, and I am involved.” Just look at my bio at the end of this article. I practically scream my credentials at our readers!

Whether a mom works outside the home or not, we justify our paths. Working moms may struggle with missing things, like school events or classroom trips. At-home moms might wrestle with identity and independence issues. More often than not, moms question our paths and the effect it has on our families. Dads don’t [typically] do this. Societal patterns and chromosomal differences clear the path for men—freeing them from the guilt of trying to do it all—well. I’m not throwing dads under the bus. Today’s dads are far more involved—both physically and emotionally—in their children’s lives. Still we don’t hear them say, “Shoot I feel so guilty about missing Johnny’s classroom Valentine’s party.” They see the bigger picture. Dads are simply wired differently.

I remember going on a road trip last year to see a U2 concert in Canada. The boarder agent studied our passports and poked his head into the car window asking for everyone’s occupations. My sweet brother-in-law rattled off the occupants’ impressive titles: “Well, we have the Lieutenant Governor of North Dakota. We have an elementary school Principal. I’m the Vice-President of a contracting firm. And…um…well…”

I felt his worried response. Poor guy. My occupation is tougher to define—without sounding patronizing. I know this. It’s not that staying home is less important, certainly. But as a stay-at-home mom, my description is less clear. And let’s be honest, it’s far less spicy than my travelers’ titles. Their headings may as well be trophies; they’re fancy and important-sounding.

I tell you this story because 11 years ago I decided to stay home with our children. I resigned from a profession that gave me independence and pride. Believe me: I realize my good fortune in having that choice. Still I never dreamt this would be my course. This was not an easy transition. It did not feel natural. I felt trapped and dependent. Like any new job, there was a steep

| @. ..

down the aisle

blueberry & pomegranate smoothie

makes 1 cup

you need

• 1/2 cup fresh or frozen blueberries

• 1/2 cup vanilla greek yogurt

• 1/4 cup pomegranate juice

• 1 tablespoon honey

how to

1. Combine all ingredients in a blender and blend on medium until mixed and smooth. If serving immediately, pour into a cup and bottoms up!

2. If packing the smoothie for a school lunch, pour into a freezable cup with lid and freeze overnight.

source: insockmonkeyslippers.com

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

cranberry chewy squares & blueberry pomegranate smoothie

Looking for a grab-n-go breakfast or maybe a no-brainer lunch idea? Cranberry Chewy Squares are quick to prepare, eat and can be kept in the freezer for up to one month. Pair it with a simple, colorful, nutritious blueberry and pomegranate smoothie and you are golden! I mean, who can resist a smoothie? Aside from their yummy goodness, a smoothie for lunch can be made the night before. Store it in a freezable container, pack it the next day and when the lunch bell rings, your smoothie thawed into a cold delicious treat. You can’t help but try this easy-peasy combo.

cranberry chewy squares

you need

• 8 cups cornflakes cereal

• 1 cup dried cranberries

• 1/4 cup butter

• 2/3 cup golden corn syrup

• 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed

• 1/4 cup white baking chips

• 2 teaspoons shortening

• cooking spray

how to

1. Add the cereal and cranberries. Stir. Set aside.

2. Grease the pan with the cooking spray. Set aside.

3. Put the butter into the saucepan. Heat on medium until melted.

4. Add the corn syrup and brown sugar. Stir. Cook for about 2 minutes, stirring constantly, until the mixture is bubbling. Remove the saucepan from the heat.

5. Pour over the cereal mixture in the bowl. Stir with the wooden spoon until coated.

6. Press the cereal mixture firmly into a pan. Set aside. Let stand until cooled completely.

7. In a small sauce pan over low heat, stir together white baking chips and shortening to form a smooth mixture.

8. Drizzle by dipping a fork into mix while still warm, then wave gently over chewy squares.

trusting fate kim jacobson

story by | patricia carlson

She wanted it so badly. For three years she waited and each day she recited the same prayer…

Dear God,

You have said that if I have the faith of a mustard seed, anything is possible. I believe you. I believe that I will have children. And I thank you.

Her prayers were heard and eventually answered in ways she never imagined.

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

trusting fate

Kim Jacobson greets you with a hug, not some stuffy handshake. That’s the kind of person she is. She’s confident, sincere, passionate, funny and just plain likable. She’s a friend you want in your circle. You know that friend that makes you laugh so hard you’re sore the next day, but also the one you can go to for advice with no fear of ever being judged? That’s Kim.

There’s nothing more important to Kim than being a good mom. You sense that from the moment you meet her as she gushes about her family. “We’re a tribe,” she says with a smile. “Sydney [16] is strong willed in all the ways that count. Reed [14] is simply the sweetest boy ever. Tate [5] is also strong willed, but he’s also very thoughtful.”

Kim is also quick to point out that the parenting journey

teenagers in the house. “I use the word ‘gift’ a lot,” she says. However, she’ll also throw in funny references to her younger days, which takes the heaviness out of weighty conversations. And she is open about her love of God.

“I want to be the mom that my kids know isn’t afraid to read the Bible and learn more,” she says. “I can’t imagine raising kids without faith. Tate has even started saying a ‘Good Morning God’ prayer with me every morning.”

Kim ensures her kids know that they are a priority in her life, even though she is incredibly busy juggling no less than four jobs: hair stylist at Hair Success, resort owner of Jacob’s Cove, and Hope Lutheran Church South’s coffee shop coordinator and 9th grade confirmation coordinator. “Everybody is busy,” she says. “But it’s a

she has shared with husband Rob has been one filled with purpose and gratitude. “What I do with my kids will be my gift to the world,” she states. “We’re being intentional about how we’re raising our kids.”

One of the ways she does this is by talking to her kids. Sounds simple enough, right? But Kim has elevated her communication style into an art form where honesty and humor are honored above all else. She is frank about sensitive subjects like sex, especially with two

choice to be busy with what’s important. I try to be the busiest with my kids.”

That much work plus parenting might prove too much to handle for some moms but Kim’s sister, Sandy Prudhomme, says the combination has actually made Kim a better mom and friend.

“Those are things she loves and enjoys. She’s a people person,” says Sandy. “I think the things she does in her

life are her way of giving back to herself because she gets enjoyment out of them. She has a good sense of balance.”

It’s that special fusion of communication, faith, life experience and prioritizing parenting that makes her such a compassionate and comforting friend. Kim understands everyone’s journey toward becoming a mom is different because her journey has taken so many turns—some unforeseen, some thrilling, and yes, some tragic.

plans unmet

Kim, the youngest of five girls raised by a single mother, knew she wanted to be a mom from a young age. Her mom, Shirley Howdahl, worked tirelessly to provide for her girls and that work ethic certainly rubbed off on Kim.

and doing hair. He wasn't interested in moving or a long distance relationship. A choice to stay was made!”

“I was looking for someone ‘non-pretentious’ and she fit the bill,” says Rob. “On our first date we split a medium pizza for supper and I liked that she didn't push around a salad on her plate and say she was full.”

After four years of dating, they married. “He makes me laugh every single day,” Kim gushes. “He’s a kind, funny man with very dry humor. I see him say some things that go over other people’s heads, but I get him.”

The newlyweds created what they thought was the perfect plan. Be married for two years; have two kids, a boy then a girl. But four years later, Kim and Rob

As class valedictorian, she dreamed of studying graphic design in California. But two things got in the way: one, tuition and living expenses and two, a guy named Rob.

“It was quite a bit cheaper to become a resident of California first so I thought if I became a hair stylist I could earn a living as I waited for the residency to kick in,” says Kim. “In the mean time I fell in love with Rob

were still childless even after several rounds of fertility treatments. Thinking she’d be unable to carry a child, Kim felt like a failure.

“They say infertility is a couple’s issue, but I felt responsible for our inability to have kids. I even told Rob he should divorce me and find someone to have children with,” Kim remembers. “I knew he would be a great dad and

I didn't want to be the thing that held him back from that experience.”

But Rob wasn’t going anywhere, “I always told her that if the worst thing that happened is that we were married with no kids; that would be fine with me,” he states simply. Then she got pregnant.

the babies

Several weeks into the pregnancy, Kim and Rob headed for their initial ultrasound. They left devastated. Kim had an ectopic pregnancy.

“I felt so sorry for the ultrasound tech that kept trying to find the baby’s heartbeat and couldn't,” recalls Rob. “It was like we knew what was going on, but she didn't have the heart or maybe authority to tell us at that immediate time.”

Kim was hurt. And mad. “I had finally achieved a pregnancy and it was just in the wrong spot,” she states.

Still she prayed and one night she received a sign. “I had a dream and I was told I’d have children,” Kim explains, her eyes shining. It was 3am, but she couldn’t wait to tell her husband. “I woke Rob up and shouted, ‘We’re gonna have kids!’ And he goes, ‘now?!’” she recalls with a chuckle.

That dream solidified things for Kim. “It was too real,” she says emphatically. “I knew it was going to happen.”

She just didn’t know how. But something in Kim had shifted. She no longer held onto the belief that she needed to get pregnant to have a child. She knew she was meant to be a mother. It was just a matter of time.

Kim and Rob continued their fertility treatments and, just in case, they started the adoption process. As the couple finished their application, they found out Kim was pregnant with twins.

Based on their prior experience, Kim and Rob were understandably nervous, but also excited. “She had a great pregnancy,” says Rob. “She pulled my arm out of socket many times to feel the babies move and kick!”

Six months flew by. Memories of their last grieved pregnancy drifted away. Then something went wrong. Kim went into early labor.

“I knew that if the twins were born, they weren’t going to make it,” she says quietly. As she waited with so much uncertainty, Kim knew she needed to pray. “I remember thinking ‘I don’t even know what to pray for right now.’

Then I had this overwhelming sense that I needed to pray for strength. And that’s what I did.”

Martell and Natalie were born minutes apart. The girls were no bigger than a soda can with tiny hands the size of Kim’s thumb. For a few minutes, Kim and Rob watched as both girls’ chests moved quietly up and down, clinging to their first, and last, breaths of life. Then, as quickly as they entered the world, they passed away.

“When you have a child it opens up a spot in your heart you didn’t know existed, even if it was just for a brief moment,” says Kim softly as she wipes away tears.

For many people, the twins’ loss would seem unfair. Cruel, even. Especially to a couple as faith-driven as Kim and Rob. But their faith is precisely what pulled the couple through the terrible ordeal.

“It's hard to explain so that it makes sense to others, but having the twins was a very spiritual experience,” begins Rob, before continuing, “It was like we could look at each other and know each other's thoughts for the few hours of that experience. During and afterward the best word to describe our feelings is gratitude. We weren't overly sad, anxious, or bitter when the twins were born and died minutes later. I think it made some people feel uneasy, however we didn't choose to feel that way, we believe it was a gift.”

In a way, Kim felt freed by the twins’ short lives. She had done her best. She had endured months—years, even—of invasive fertility treatments. She had given up her body to science. And still, she had no babies to bring home. So, she forgave herself.

“I remember thinking, ‘I’m done being a fertility patient,’” she says. “Yes, it wasn’t fair what happened to our twins. It didn’t turn out the way we’d dreamed or hoped. But I also realized that I had never gotten out of the way of God giving us a child. I needed to feel the peace of God—and I did the day I gave birth to the twins. Now I needed to let Him take over.”

Ten days later, Kim and Rob got the call that their adoption application was accepted and the process could begin. And almost a year to the day the twins were born, Kim held her baby girl, Sydney, for the first time. chosen

Months earlier, a teenage girl named Carmen Kunz from western North Dakota found out she was pregnant.

“I was 19,” she remembers. “I knew that I personally couldn’t give that baby what she needed. My dad, who I am very close with, looked at me and said I had three options: abortion, adoption or raising the baby.”

Carmen says she knew what she had to do. She began poring through prospective parents’ letters from a local adoption agency. After she read Kim and Rob’s letter, she didn’t need to read another.

“They wrote in their letter that they were ‘open to options,’” Carmen explains. “I didn’t really know what that meant, but it sounded promising. Maybe I was being a little bit selfish still—I was only a kid—but I knew I wanted to know about this baby and see her every so often because I would always love her.”

Kim was certain there was enough love to go around with whomever her child’s birth family was going to be. “I didn’t want our child to wake up one day and meet her mother. I wanted her to know that whole family,” she says.

Finally, the day came. And when they saw Sydney for the first time, their hearts melted.

“I said to her, ‘So you’re what an answer to a prayer looks like,’” recalls Kim with tears in her eyes. “I didn’t know how I’d feel when I adopted. I worried I wouldn’t

feel the same thing as I did with the twins. But I fell in love. It was the same.”

Kim and Rob knew their bliss could be temporary. Carmen had six weeks in which she could change her mind. Instead of fretting about that possibility, Kim took a surprising approach.

“I told Carmen that we are going to take Sydney home and love her,” she said, adding, “but I would bring her back and place her with love in Carmen’s arms if that’s what she wanted.”

Carmen says that was never an option in her mind and she gave her final blessing at Sydney’s adoption ceremony. “We all connected,” she says. “I think Sydney got a great set of parents. They have been a part of our family from the start, and we have been a part of theirs.”

That may be a bit of an understatement. Carmen, now married [Sydney was a flower girl in her wedding] with three girls, is a fixture in the Jacobson’s world, as is Kim and her clan in Carmen’s life. The families talk often, celebrate milestones with one another and have even vacationed together.

As much as Kim feels blessed that Carmen bestowed her the ultimate gift, Carmen feels blessed that Sydney

has Kim for a mom because she thinks Sydney has been nurtured in the best possible way.

“I’ve wondered about that because I’m a little bit uptight about things and a little more nervous and we all have our quirks and I think for her to be raised by Kim has completely brought out the woman that she’s going to be,” raves Carmen. “I don’t think I could’ve done that as fast as Kim has.”

Sydney says she has the best of both worlds. “My relationship with Carmen is like two friends,” she explains. “We can talk about anything and we have the same sense of humor, so we laugh at everything! I can’t imagine that Carmen and I would have the relationship we do if we had been mother and daughter instead of Sydney and Carmen. Not many people that I’ve met that are adopted know their birth parents. Not only do I know my birth mom, but she and I are really close. It’s a blessing to have her in my life.”

more than a sister

Meanwhile, Kim’s sister Sandy was watching, fascinated, as her youngest sister blossomed into a beautiful mother, all the time wondering if she should bring up an idea that would help Kim and Rob add another child to their family.

“When I was a teenager I saw a news story about surrogacy. I thought, ‘Someday I could do that,’” Sandy remembers. “When the twins passed away I heard a little voice in my head say, ‘Now’s the time.’”

Just over a year after Sydney was born, Sandy decided the time seemed right to share her surrogacy idea. The answer was a no-brainer for both families.

“I think if it had been a best friend or my sister or anybody that I really truly cared about, I would’ve done it,” says Sandy of her decision. “I felt so blessed that I had children and had them easily and my kids were a gift to me. To give that to someone else was a gift too. That person happened to be Kim.”

As a mom, Shirley says she couldn’t be more proud of her two daughters who embarked on this incredible journey together. “You can’t ask for anything more. What a selfless gift to give your sister,” she says.

The months flew by and soon Reed came into the world. With years of struggle behind her, Kim was finally the mom to two perfect kids, like she had always dreamed. She was complete. Or so she thought.

the surprise

One day at Hair Success, a client familiar with Kim’s quest to become a mom asked her if she was done having children. She was 40, happily married and mom to two spunky siblings. She was styling hair, getting more involved at church and helping her husband run their resort. Was she done?

“I said, ‘With God’s sense of humor I will probably have one egg left and be one day away from menopause and He’ll bless me with a child!’” Kim recalls with a hearty laugh. And that’s exactly what happened.

“I thought Kim was going through ‘the change’ because she was in her 40's and always hot,” chuckles Rob. “Kim is never hot unless we are walking in some zoo and it's 105 degrees! I had a hard time fathoming that she was pregnant, but it made sense.”

“I had been waiting my whole life to see another positive mark on a pregnancy test,” says Kim. “And I believe God wanted Tate in this world just as much as I did. From that moment of realization, I could breathe again. There was no more need to hold my breath about this pregnancy.”

Shirley was just as ecstatic as her daughter to have a new grandchild on which to dote. “I couldn’t believe it. I really wanted her to be able to experience carrying a child because she had fought so hard to do so,” she says.

After a complicated 21-hour labor, Tate was delivered via C-section. It wasn’t the birth plan she wanted, but if Kim knew anything about motherhood, it’s that it’s unpredictable.

And all that mattered was that Tate was here.

Today, Sydney, Reed and Tate are typical siblings who love—and argue—with one another. Kim is getting to enjoy a second round of parenting without the pressure she put on herself in her younger years.

“I’ve learned to just be in the moment with my kids,” she says. “I’ve seen how fast they grow up. I didn’t choose to be an older mom. I just prayed really hard for those kids so I don’t take them for granted at all. They’re not possessions. They’re gifts and I get to raise them.”

experience & growth

If you ask Kim what’s most important to her, the list rattles off her tongue without a second thought.

“Family; a good, strong marriage; motherhood; God,” she states. They are all intertwined, each made stronger by the other. And for Kim, each has been tested.

“Part of growing through that kind of experience is to be able to talk about it and use it to help others who might be going through similar situations and Kim is able to do that,” sums up Pastor Chuck Olmstead. “In fact, I would say she wanted to do that—to give help, hope and healing from who she is and through what she has experienced and how she had grown in grace, strength and hope through that.”

Kim will always remember the strain infertility put on her soul and marriage. Nothing will ever take away the pain she felt from losing babies in her early pregnancies. But she has also felt incredible—and at times, indescribable—joy and gratitude. “If you think you’re not going to get something and you get it and get it in such a variety of ways—two unselfish acts by two women and a gift from God—that’s pretty amazing. How could I not share that with people?” Kim wonders aloud.

“The neatest thing about Kim is that she didn’t care how her children came to her,” explains Sandy. “She was passionate about being a mom and however her children came to her, she’d love them the same.”

When you become a mom, you realize how important it is to have a variety of other mom friends. The artsy mom who encourages you to get messy with your kiddos. The eco mom who keeps you up to date on earth friendly baby raising. The siblings mom who has more children than you and shows you how to steer that ship. The active mom who is always organizing play dates and stroller walks. The older mom who had kids later in life and has a milder, some might say, wiser perspective on parenting. Kim Jacobson is all of those moms wrapped into one stellar mom. Perhaps the young girl from western North Dakota who chose Kim to be her daughter’s mom 16 years ago, describes Kim best.

“Watching Kim with her kids is like watching that mother down the street and you say to yourself, ‘I’d like to meet her,’” says Carmen. “She’s who every mother should strive to be.”

ready set grow

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

me myself & independence i…

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all kiddos are created equal, that they are endowed by their Mama with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are reasonable Birthday Parties, within reason Sibling Rivalry and the pursuit of the newest iPad [I said pursuit, not automatically getting]. If you believe all of this, stand up and repeat after me…

I, state your name, [no, say your name…now start over]…

I, state your name, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of Mama of these Kiddos, and will to the best of my ability, shower them with love [without being a push over], cook dinner every night [errr try really, really hard to cook dinner most nights] and instill the needed skills to be responsible, upstanding citizens prior to kicking their grown butts out of Mama’s nest.

Yep, they are going to keep growing up, so let’s make sure they are ready for the great big word…let’s talk about independence!

wee ones babies like pretty faces better than plain ones according to University of Texas researchers

[0–18 months]

Independent is defined as free from outside control; not depending on another's authority. We can all agree that independence is great…sure, wonderful! But when you’re talking about your independent wee one, it is more like terrifying!

i see you

When we bring our wee ones home, we are ready for the job at hand. Late nights, little sleep, sore nipples, lots of laundry and thousands of diapers. We are ready to be THE caregiver for our very dependant wee one.

Fast forward a few months, and your wee one is doing more than just sleeping, eating and pooping. He is ready to engage his world, investigate and explore. You can’t stop it [and shouldn’t want to], so you need to embrace your wee one’s venture for independence:

• early start Even at a very young age we can help our wee one become more independent. Lots of tummy time, letting him reach and work to get toys he wants rather than just giving them to him and putting him to bed while he is still awake so he can fall asleep on his own are things that teach coping skills and independence.

• survey the scene Unless you love to hear the sound of your own voice repeatedly say, “No,” make sure your home is safe and your mobile wee one can experience some freedom. Plug electrical sockets, block stairs, keep dangerous items out of reach and make sure tempting rooms with non-wee one friendly items are inaccessible.

• this or that Very quickly your wee one will show you his very own, unique personality. And with that his likes and dislikes, so let him make some choices. What toy to bring in the car, which outfit to wear or which snack to eat are great opportunities for your wee one to express himself.

While your wee one is becoming more independent, don’t be surprised if he also hits a rough patch of separation anxiety, usually around 10 to 24 months. This is normal, but if your wee one cannot bear to be without you or if he is left with someone else and remains inconsolable well after you have left, consider talking to your trusted physician.

All is quiet…eerie quiet. You know the type of quiet that isn’t calm, but rather a precursor of something looming. And then it happens…from the shadows of the bathroom…a declaration loud enough to scare the birds from the trees…”MOOOOM! I’M DONE!!!” Cue the official butt wiper…

everybody poops

Yep, everybody does it, but teaching our tots how to remove the evidence after the fact is a little more tricky. Wiping…they gotta do it, so you gotta teach it. That is unless you enjoy a full moon a time or two each day. I didn’t think so. So, here are some tips for proper bum wiping:

• tp please The first matter of business is quantity of toilet paper. For your tot a spinning roll of toilet paper is like a day at the amusement park…weeeee! Let your tot know how much is needed. If he is able to count, tell him how many squares are appropriate or give him a reference point such as the TP being the length from his elbow to his fingertips. Then show him how to hold the TP so the poo gets on the TP and not his fingers.

• which way Let’s face it, odds are bum wiping isn’t going to be easy right away. Short arms and perfecting a technique can be challenging, so right away you will need to help. Whether a front or back reach is how your tot wants to get to the clean up area, is his preference, but for our girly tots, hammer home the importance of wiping front to back to insure bacteria doesn’t get near her vagina. So again be ready to help, but make sure your tot is doing it too. You can both have your hands on the TP, so your tot can practice what you are doing.

• enough Now you need to tell your tot to look at the TP before dropping it in the toilet. Evidence still

visible? Need another swipe. As your tot is able to do the wiping on his own, make sure you do some spot checks and inspect his work from time to time. Or if you start to notice undie streaks on laundry day, time for a refresher course with your tot.

• last but not least Get those hands clean. No one leaves the bathroom without a good hand washing.

Consistency and patience —that’s what needs to be in your potty training tool kit. Your tot will get it…eventually!

preschoolers [3–5 years]

Work, errands, cooking, cleaning, laundry…girl, you need some help. How about getting those cute little people that are always nipping at your heels to pitch in? And of course you will also be teaching them valuable life lessons in the process…right?

off to work you go

Best thing ever for a preschooler? Pretending to be a grownup, of course! So if you can give him some grownup

tasks [that don’t create more work for you] while teaching him responsibility, independence and the importance of contributing to his family unit…perfect! Here are some preschooler appropriate household chores to start with:

• folding pheno Towels, washcloths, blankets and those other easy to fold laundry items are perfect for your preschooler. And when you are done folding the other items, have your preschooler help you put them away.

• dish duty Let your preschooler set the table for meals [minus sharp knives, of course] and when he’s done eating make sure he clears his plate before darting off.

• dusting devil Give a preschooler a Swiffer with dusting duties and you have made his day! No Swiffer? Put some socks on those preschooler mitts and away he can go.

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• fido’s friend Let your preschooler be in charge of feeding the family pet. And don’t forget the water. Having a stepstool handy so he can reach the faucet allows him to do it all on his own.

• pickup pesto You play with the toys…you can help pick up the toys.

As you assign chores for your preschooler to tackle, don’t expect perfection. There are going to be mistakes and know your preschooler’s limit. An hour of chores probably isn’t going to happen. And lastly, don’t forget to dish out the praise as your preschooler completes his responsibilities. We all want to feel appreciated and your preschooler is no different. And making household chores a part of their routine early makes it more likely you won’t get the dreaded eye roll when he’s a teen.

the 2009 Highlight’s State of the Kid Report found that more girls [74.7%] were doing chores compared to boys [65.3%]

We mamas have lots on our plate. Kiddos, work, junior’s science project, clean the kiddos room, talk to Jonny’s mom about the tiff the boys had and a million other things we have going on, the to-do list gets loooong. But could we be adding unneeded tasks that our big kid could [and should] be doing? Are you doing too much for your big kid?

mama’s here

Of course you aren’t trying to create a dependent, only mama can do it big kid. You might not even realize you’re doing it, but stepping in and doing too much for our big kids can be a role your big kid is all too happy to have you in and a hard habit to break. And who wants to be responsible for creating people that are incapable of taking care of themselves? No One! Watch out for these pitfalls and ensure your big kid is doing what he is capable of:

• tic toc Time…there never seems to be enough of it. Hectic schedules can create a mama doing everything because we can go at the speed of light. Brushing teeth, tying shoes, packing backpacks and lunches are examples of tasks your big kid can do, so plan ahead accordingly so your schedule allows for the extra time they may need to get their deeds done.

• my way Sure you do things right and there are specific ways you like things done, but these are kids and they aren’t going to be perfect. Don’t step in because it has to be an exact way when your big kid is more than capable of doing the task, even if it’s at a slightly lower standard. Or you can keep making his bed, putting his clothes away and picking up his property for, well forever!

• here i come Guess what? Your big kid is going to have times when things don’t go his way. There are going to be conflicts and challenges, but you

big kids [6–9 years]

coming to the rescue in a single bound every time, isn’t going to help anyone. Let him work things out for himself…even if that means tears may follow.

Let’s face it, us mamas are doers. And we like to do things for our kids, but creating unassertive, fearful, “I can’t do it” big kids is not acceptable. So, take stock of how much you do for your big kid and what tasks you can give back to him. Then step back, set some expectations and watch the independence blossom.

a researcher in Japan found that individuals with overprotective parents had less grey matter in an area of the prefrontal cortex than those who had had healthy relationships

tweeners [10–12 years]

Independence is expressed in the decisions we make for ourselves. Decisions…decisions. Cereal or eggs, bath or shower, now or later…decisions. These decisions aren’t hugely impactful or life changing, but with the teen years just around the corner, decisions can actually accompany major consequences. You got your tweener’s decision making skills fine tuned?

yes, no, maybe

Yep, the older they get the greater the need for thoughtful decision making practices. Let’s face it, as they enter their

teen years, their choices can literally be life-altering. Use drugs, apply to college, start smoking, go on that date, cheat on the big final, have sex and on and on and on! You can’t make his decisions, but you can do your best now to instill conscious decision making practices with these tips:

• gotta learn it If only good decision making skills were genetic traits. With a mama like you and your track record of impeccably AWESOME decisions throughout your life, your tweener would do no wrong. What? Not so much? Of course we have all had our share of decisions we would have gladly used a do-over for. We all have to learn to make appropriate decisions, so don’t expect your tweener to never screw up…he will. Just make sure you’re there to help him look at the situation and learn from it.

• think about it When we’re talking about making decisions, it means there are options to choose from. Teach the importance of considering each option and the pros and cons of each. Now in the heat of decision making, slowing down to think about things like, “will mom be ticked if I do this?” aren’t always natural considerations. For every decision there is a consequence; good or bad. So, what do you do when the bad decisions happen? Holding them accountable is a great teaching tool. If you do the crime, you do the time!

• feel it Talk to you tweener about “trusting the gut.” Many times the first reaction is the right one. If his intuition is telling him this isn’t right, odds are it isn’t right.

• practice it Living and learning are truly the best way to hone decision making skills, but feel free to do some practice scenarios with your tweener. Paint the picture of situations he may encounter and ask him what he would do. Then talk about the choice he decided on and why it is right or wrong.

research has shown that women take longer to make a decision, but are more likely to stand by their decision, compared to men, who are more likely to change their mind after making a decision

It’s coming…you can see the light at the end of the tunnel… the last dance…hasta la vista baby! Pretty soon you’ll turn around and your teen will be leaving to take the world on all by himself. But…da, da, da…will he survive!?

hello real world

Teaching your teen life skills is absolutely necessary, so start early. Heaven forbid the first time you see him living on his own, he’s only eating ramen noodles, wearing dirty clothes, has a stack of unpaid bills and no money in his bank account. It’s our job to make sure he can truly take care of the things every adult has to take care of. Here are some life skills teaching ideas you can instill while he’s still living under your roof:

• moola manager Lesson #1: virtually, everything costs money, so you better now how to use it. Once you have decided your teen is mature enough, get him his own checking and savings account. Go over statements and online tools so he understands what everything means. Whether money makes its way into his account through a job or you, expect him to pay for his things like entertainment, gas, car insurance and lunch to name a few. Then show him how to balance his checking account and work with him on setting up a monthly budget and following it.

• come & get it Sure he could live on delivery and take out the rest of his adult years, but talk about boring and expensive. Teach your teen to read recipes and the ins and outs of personally prepared sustenance. As your teen gets the hang of cooking, put him in charge of feeding the family. Once a week or once a month, let him plan the menu, do the grocery shopping and cook it all up. Practice makes perfect!

• wear it, take care of it Unless your teen moves into a place that comes with a money tree, he isn’t going to be able to buy new clothes just because they are dirty. So, teach him how to read clothing care labels, sort, wash, dry and iron his wardrobe. Show him

[yes, our sons can do this] how to sew on a simple button and fix a simple hem as well.

• last but not least Teach your teen about car and home maintenance. Show him how to check his oil and tires. Make him change a tire and talk about the importance of routine car maintenance. And as home repairs arise, have your teen chip in and help. Painting, fixing a leaky faucet, mowing the lawn, changing the furnace filter and other general household chores are perfect moments to explain the responsibility of living on your own.

701.364.2020

a 2011 survey revealed 38% of teens had to alter their college plans in some way due to the economy

Brenda Jacobson

says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says sally says

Who is Sally?

She is our quintessential, “do-it-all” mom and friend who reminds us to remember the woman behind the mom.

sally meets karma

story by | deb uglem

Iasked my 15-year-old daughter what she knew about karma. She replied with, “Karma is pay back.” Of course I asked for clarification and she replied, “All the bad stuff you do will come back to you.” It’s interesting to me how she [like most] took the negative approach to karma. I guess it is somewhat gratifying to think that there is some cosmic revenge. You know for the real important stuff like… that guy that cut you off on the way to work—he will get his someday!

If you look up karma, it is a Buddhism term and is defined as “the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences.” Pretty heavy, in other words karma is the result of our own past actions. So for Sally this means, “What goes around comes around.” In a way this is comforting to me. It makes me feel like I have control and control is big for moms, considering the fast-paced, busy schedules we all keep.

I have been multitasking for the last 20 years to be the perfect [ok maybe not perfect!] wife, mother, daughter, employee, writer, housekeeper, landscaper, interior designer, etc. The list is ever changing and could go on

forever. Of course the majority of the multitasking time is spent on my kids and focused on having them grow up to be confident strong adults that will contribute to society in some wonderful way [or at least graduate from high school]. The thought that all this hard work could somehow come back to me puts a smile on my face. It also raises the question, “Will karma understand my methods?”

In my quest for raising well-adjusted kids [and of course helping my husband see the light] I have tried several methods. As I look back I have used grounding, family meetings, chores and crazy phrases that in the heat of the moment seemed so intelligent. I once held a family meeting to explain the very difficult task of replacing an empty toilet paper roll [it may be time for a review]. I have said things that I thought I would never hear come out of my mouth. This Sally is due a little Mom Karma for all the times my mouth has opened and things like this came out…

• “Honey, we don’t eat money.” That one ended with a trip to the emergency room.

• “Don’t go over to the corner to poop.” Those who are in the middle of potty training will understand this one.

• “We put garbage in the garbage can.” Amazing how brilliant I can be!

• “I am serious! Do not sit on your brother’s head!” As if the “serious” part was really scaring them.

• “You are not wearing Daisy Dukes to school.” That needs no clarification.

• “Fine, I really don’t care.” I found that reverse psychology doesn’t work on my family, but it was worth a try.

• “You guys the dishwasher is clean.” My family uses the dishwasher like a cupboard.

• “Is anyone listening to me?!” Of course this one is always followed by silence.

• And I have to mention my new favorite, “Really?”

Sometimes I think, “what did I just say!” Then I will see little signs that karma is watching. One day this summer I came downstairs and my son was unloading the dishwasher. I froze and thought, “if I walk in the kitchen will he stop?” I chanced it and he finished his task. I thanked him with a hug. It made my day—there is hope.

Other times this Sally feels like she is banging her head against the wall. It can become frustrating when you feel like your spending 90% of your time disciplining in some form or another. As you think about how you are

instilling the dos and don’ts of life into your family don’t get hung up on the method, concentrate on the message.

I try to be consistent in my craziness, listen to my children, reward the good behavior and discipline what needs to be disciplined. It is important to make the punishment fit the crime. I don’t ground for not unloading the dishwasher, but I do take away twitter for improper use. I try to behave the way I want my kids to behave—this one can be hard! And I am not sure if I want my kids repeating some of my crazy quotes. But all we can do is our best. Try to break bad habits and maintain a positive attitude and hope our children will catch it. It doesn’t matter what method you use as long as you are taking your children’s well being into account.

So Sally… have you met karma yet? If you haven’t seen her—start looking. I for one am counting on her and I becoming good friends. I know she will understand my crazy mothering methods and send my good intentions back my way. Maybe even that child [who shall remain nameless] who lost twitter privileges indefinitely will one day post the sweet “I love my mom” tweet.

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photo: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

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