Feb/March 2014 On the Minds of Moms

feature & profiles

on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC

EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

COPY EDITOR Charlotte Berg

ADVERTISING Mary Klabo p: 218.791.2848

e: mary@onthemindsofmoms.com

Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624

e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

PHOTOGRAPHY Ria Czichotzki – rialee photography

Lauren Kupfer – rialee photography

Yvonne Denault Photography

Exposures by j.linnea

Nikki Jean Photography

Scott Thuen – thuen studios

DESIGN AND LAYOUT Scott Thuen – thuen studios www.thuenstudios.com

AD DESIGN Casie Beldo

Scott Thuen

Tara Kessler

Stephanie Drietz

Amanda McKinnon

EDITORIAL CONTACT e: hello@onthemindsofmoms.com

INFORMATION mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107

SUBSCRIPTION print & digital www.onthemindsofmoms.com/subscribe

COVER PHOTO BY Ria Czichotzki – rialee photography

OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT

On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bi-monthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbacher's, Sunmart and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hugo's grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers.

make a difference

heather bjur western | mn body + being: page 38

I would change Fargo's weather to be balmy and warm all year round.

kathleen wrigley bismarck |

just a thought: page 60

It would be that human beings love one another without condition. It would relieve a host of atrocities—hunger, domestic abuse, war, crime, hatred.

kari klingsporn

hitterdal fargo | nd food for thought: page 54

I would want everyone to experience real, true love. Not just love for and from another person, but also love for one’s self.  I think the world would be better if everyone had the opportunity to live in a place of healthy love.

deb uglem moorhead | mn

oh, by the way: page 80

I would increase the amount of fun. I think people tend to be too serious. It would be great if everyone took time out of their day to have fun and laugh at themselves and with others. Laughter is truly the best medicine and you can find it everywhere—at home, work, or play.

brooke erstad fargo | nd gettin’ through it: page 44

I would add two hours to every day!  Some might disagree with me, but it just seems that I am always a bit short on accomplishing everything I want to in a day. Two more hours could help me get my workout in, cook a nice dinner for my family, or simply kick back and relax or take a nap!  Juggling work and family is a constant struggle that I think, "If I only had more time, I would feel caught up!"

page 64

The beauty pageant contestant in me says, 'World Peace.' The feminist in me says, 'More women in government, especially a female president.' The mother in me says, 'The ability for my child to understand how her actions and words make others feel.' The wife in me says, 'The ability to re-visit my first date with my husband over and over.' The athlete in me says, 'To win the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament once.' The friend in me says, 'The means to visit all of my far-away friends at least once a year.' The daughter in me says, 'To find a big enough way to tell my parents, THANK YOU.' The voice in my head to tell me, every day, that I am awesome just the way I am.

miriah sannes hawley | mn what’s on your mind: page 20

If there is one thing I could possibly change in this world, it would be that we all just love ourselves for who we are. As a mother of three girls, I truly wish this was something we were born with rather than something we need to learn. Also, world peace, no more starvation, stopping global warming....I'm a bit of an idealist.

nd

patricia carlson dilworth | mn feature:

if you could single-handedly change one thing, what would it be?

20,160 minutes will be spent by the average person kissing each year . Pucker up!

sources: goodhousekeeping.com | goredforwomen.org | robertgibb.com

50

percent of today’s respiratory conditions are caused by our indoor environments Because we spend 70% of our time indoors, health problems can be directly or indirectly traced to poor indoor-air quality

88

percent of people say their best couple talks happen in the car Pencil in some road time with your honey and open up 1

in 3 American women dies each year of heart disease; yet only 1 in 5 women believes that heat disease is her greatest health threat

Born in Jamaica, LaVerne has lived in and explored countries all around the world The eldest sister to a brother and sister, she was raised in both Canada and England before returning to Jamaica to start college It wasn’t long before LaVerne would make another transitional move to Berrien Springs, Michigan, where she would finish her BA in English and MA in Education at Andrews University In 1996 she would marry David and together they became parents to Simone, now 5 years old Today LaVerne is a reading teacher for adults and would consider herself not much of a hobbyist, but she loves to play racquetball, go camping, and dance

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

nothing beats a saturday like… robust singing and beautiful music at church. a mom must have… wet wipes.

coolest city i’ve ever been to… Portland, Oregon.

when it comes to style, i admire… people who manage to look stylish in the winter. best song to sing in the shower… Good Mornin’, Good Mornin’ from Singin’ in the Rain i’m so glad i learned to… balance my checkbook each month and stick to a budget.

my biggest pet peeve… getting to the cash register and having the attendant ask me if I found what I was looking for.

when i feel anxious/stressed, i tell myself… to call a friend who will listen to my drama. if i were a color, i’d be… orange because it is just so bright.  my best advice to my younger self… follow a spiritual path that brings you joy.

the strangest thing i recently found in my purse…

a clementine in the middle zippered section where I almost never go.

one thing i hate to run out of… laundry detergent. the best reason to be late… is that I got stopped by the cops for speeding. Tuesdays 4:00-6:30pm

a secret talent of mine… packing boxes for friends and family when they move.

i often imagine myself… as a dancer with the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre. the tidiest part of my home… dining room.

i think the best way to feel beautiful… is to wear a full flouncy skirt. craziest thing i’ve done because i was sleep deprived…

I haven’t been sleep deprived for a while.

the three things always in my fridge…

tofu, feta cheese, and onions. my husband and i always make time for…

supper at the table with our daughter or whoever happens to be over.

american girl… mama’s new bff

story by | dani parkos fluge

If, in fact, I ever had “the talk” with my mom, I have no memory of it whatsoever.  I have a very vague memory of a friend telling me about “periods” in the third grade on the tire climber during recess. I didn’t believe a word of it. Then in fourth grade a new girl came to school and, for some reason, she had the dish, and seemed so worldly and fabulous—she had an awesome Dorothy Hamill haircut—the rest of us took every word as gospel.  So naturally, being an only child, the rest of the “girly” details I sort of learned via osmosis from the tiny pamphlet enclosed in the tampon box, and

from friends. Thank God for Judy Blume. What would I have done without Are You There God It’s Me, Margaret?

I was an early bloomer—fifth grade, to be exact. I clearly remember lying in bed on my Holly Hobby sheets thinking that if I sleep on my tummy, my fast-emerging breast buds would go away. That wasn’t the case and before I knew it I was sinking deeper into the black hole of puberty. And how can I forget the tail spin my mind was in trying to make sense of ‘feminine protection’ options at that age?

Queue my first try at a tampon. Home alone and with the paper pamphlet in hand, I stroll out of the bathroom

photo: thuen studios

walking like a cowgirl after a long day on the range. [This is a funnier story if I am in the room with you and can imitate the walk.]  I recalled the words of that new girl in fourth grade saying I shouldn’t feel it at all, so I sit quietly for a bit—feeling IT quite a bit. Glancing back over the instructions, re-reading each step one by one, I pause at the words, discard applicator. [silence] Umm, applicator? What’s the applicator? Good times, right?

Traumatizing? Not really. Puberty in general isn’t much fun and I have to say that experiencing puberty within the confines of a non-communicative, only-child, somewhat repressed Catholic family may have made it slightly worse. So, all that being said, I vowed to myself if I had a daughter someday I would be a straight-shootin’ type of mom not afraid to tackle the tricky topics.

Fast forward 30 years when my oldest daughter started showing signs of pre-puberty. I did what any rational mom would do—I took advantage of the Happy Harry’s Penny Wine Sale and began researching the internet. All kidding aside, the BEST thing I did was buy the American Girl Book THE CARE AND KEEPING OF YOU 1—The Body Book for Younger Girls. It’s a ‘head-to-toe’ guide answering all questions, from hair care to healthy eating, bad breath to bras, periods to pimples, and everything in between. I gave it to G to page through and explore on her own, knowing different sections would resonate with her more than others as her body continued changing. For two years my carefree, yet private, first born read through and referred to it, highlighting as she went along.

I found the vocabulary to be unintimidating and basic. I think a simple explanation is necessary when trying to grasp such complex happenings. The illustrations are a bit graphic, but absolutely needed, as many girls are too shy to ask questions, and too many moms are happy to wait this topic out for as long as possible. Remember, kids are curious by nature. With access to information online, they will crave the right answers. If we don’t give them the answers, I promise you, they will look somewhere else.

Recently, American Girl Book THE CARE AND KEEPING OF YOU 2—The Body Book for Older Girls was added to the series and has since become the current book of choice for my G. The sequel, which picks up where the first book leaves off, is yet another incredible resource for the 10+ girl in your life– like its predecessor, it’s very down to earth, has language that’s appropriate and engaging and illustrations that make sense. The overall emphasis continues to be truly on health—honing in

on the ‘why and how’ and digging into topics in much, much greater detail.

For example, emotional changes in puberty are not really covered in the first book like they are in the second. The “It’s All in Your Head” section digs into the ‘brain change’ and helps girls understand why they’re happy one minute then crying the next and offers ideas on how to manage their moods. Us mamas know riding the emotional roller coaster with crazy hormones is less than desirable and no fun. The "Girl Stuff" section is all about the ‘physical.’ Safe shaving, follicle facts, tips for zits, period pains, infection info, body boundaries, best bras for their body, and even introducing the importance of self-exams. And finally the “Your Body, Your World” section introduces situations that all girls face as they mature—family dynamics: sibling situations, social circles: who can be trusted with the most sacred secrets, and the best ways to approach speaking to parents and friends about what they are feeling. All wrapped up with answers to questions from real girls just like them.

Honestly, the single-most consistent message through both these books is that of positive self-esteem—loving the skin you’re in. If you know how to take care of yourself and feel good about yourself, you will grow into a healthy young woman. Knowing what to expect from your body and truly understanding that it is all ‘normal’ can bring a big sense of relief. I know, I saw it firsthand—the return of her giggly grin, confident voice, and heartfelt hugs she gave.

Yes, I’ve been sucked in financially by the whole American Girl Multi-Media Machine—but I will stand on my soap box and say that I truly appreciate this book. And yes, I caved on all the coordinating journals too—if it means an easier transition for her, every penny spent is worth it. But more importantly, I cherish the conversations it has sparked between my daughter and me.

If you’re looking to bridge the communication gap and comfort zone with your pre-pubescent tweener, consider the American Girl Care and Keeping of You series. It is so much more than overpriced dolls and accessories.

the heart of the matter in the middle

Congratulations, you’ve made it to the middle. Sandwiched between twin responsibilities of tending kids and assisting older parents as the mountain of stress grows. February is American Heart Month, an opportunity to remind yourself that you are your own best health advocate, and most likely the best advocate for your parents and loved ones as well.

Heart disease is the No. 1 killer in America—surpassing even cancer!

“It is a very treatable and preventable disease as long as it is identified in its early stages,” says Sanford interventional cardiologist, Thomas Haldis. “Early diagnosis and preventive therapy for heart disease is the best line of defense for our families and our community. Most people over the age of 40 have at least one risk factor and many have multiple risk factors. That’s why it is important to know your risk factors and have a heart screen.”

Sanford Health can help you determine your risk factors with the Heart Screening program. To facilitate

early diagnosis and treatment, help yourself or your parents by getting screened.

A heart screen is recommended if you have:

• Early family history of heart disease [less than 50 years old]

• A history of smoking or are currently a smoker

• Hypertension

• High Cholesterol [Total cholesterol greater than 200 mg/dL]

• Obesity

• Diabetes, or are a postmenopausal Woman

The Heart Screen is available for $50 at the Sanford Center for Screening located at 1720 University Drive S., in Fargo. The screen takes less than an hour, requires no physician referral, and is scheduled in advance. Schedule a screen at: [701] 23-HEART [701.234.3278], or 800.821.2232.

the trouble with

story by | miriah sannes

"Everything's a wheel, turning and turning, never stopping. The frogs is part of it, and the bugs, and the fish, and the wood thrush too. And people. But never the same ones. Always coming in new, always growing and changing, and always moving on. That's the way it's suppose to be. That's the way it is."

—Natalie Babbit, Tuck Everlasting

Change sucks. I've NEVER been good at it [right, mom?]. People who have type A personalities thrive on the constant, on the safe, on the rituals in life, on schedules that don't stray. We are like tiny little children who find

comfort and security from consistency...and if there is one thing we can't stand, it's change.

Three years ago I was ridiculously pregnant with my third child and I was trying to figure out a way to continue being a stay-at-home mom. At the time there was a major internal struggle within me to find the magic "balance" that all of us try to achieve as mothers. To work or not to work? To work from home and stretch myself so thin I can't even function, or do I get a full-time job and never see my own children? Do I dare go out for dinner [much less an entire WEEKEND, God forbid] with the girls for fear of the inevitable mommy guilt?

How do I dare bring up to ANYONE that some days all I want to do is lie in a quiet bed, by myself, next to the ocean, with a book that never ends. I would pray to God to help me find the sense of sanity, a balance to the never-ending internal battle. God answered my prayers in the form of new neighbors.

The sign read "SOLD" as they moved in all of their belongings, or as HE moved most of the items, as I noted the poor dear looking just about as pregnant as I was. Wanting to do the neighborly thing, I gathered my two girls and walked over to introduce ourselves. In an instant I knew I liked her. Her smile, the friendliness, and the realness about her was...well, real. We didn't make instant play dates, but over the course of the next couple of months, we smiled and waved politely. Eventually it turned into visiting while running into each other, allowing my girls and her daughter some much-needed socialization. Winter required all of us to turn in for the next upcoming months, and even though we didn't see much of each other at that time, I was delighted when I noticed an extra car seat being toted in from their vehicle. They had baby number two, and my third was due any moment—she arrived a couple of days later. After my youngest was born was probably the second hardest time of my mommy life [coming in a close second, having battled major post-partum depression with my first]. I remember sitting in our rocking chair, nursing the baby on one side, holding my 18-month-old on the other, with my four-year-old wedged in between my legs with a pillow, thinking to myself, "What in the hell have I done?" The majority of the winter went like this, and, in all honesty, it was a common occurrence to forget what day it was. I will NEVER regret those days, and had many, many amazing moments during that time. Yet, by the time spring rolled around, I was completely shot. I don't remember the exact day and time [because I would lose track of that stuff, remember?], but at some point, my amazing neighbor and I made a habit of meeting outside and letting our girls play. We sat together, nursing our babies, laughing at the conversations that happen between little ones, and engaging in some grown-up conversation ourselves. Slowly, our conversations turned from surface to the guts. Some days we laughed, some days we cried, some days we acknowledged that all we could do was yell. But through the past three years, we have watched our girls grow together, and provided the sanity we both needed in order to do what we needed for our children. We settled into a wonderful little routine: "We'll fence

what’s on your mind?

the north side of the yard if you fence the south side of yours!" "Let's just get a pool together, Lord knows we'll both use it!" "Miriah, plant that apple tree you were going to plant so eventually we can get those apples!" I have depended on my neighbors for milk and eggs, for lettuce from their garden [and they take from ours], to dog-sitting swaps, for late-night Motrin runs to the other's home when one of the babes was ailing. Eventually, it came down to wanting no one else to take my girls when it came time for me to tackle the working world.

Then, a few months ago my dear neighbor pulled me aside and told me her husband had an amazing opportunity for a job in Texas. My heart dropped, yet the other part of me was excited for them to have this opportunity. We had always talked about going places, and doing things, and they are getting to do just that! As the recent weeks have gone by, we made the transitions we needed [finding other childcare, helping clean when I could, going out for a girls’ dinner] for them to go. I knew the night would have to come, and I have been dreading it since we were told of this drastic CHANGE. But, wanting to do the neighborly thing one last time, I packed up my girls and we went and said goodbye to the people we came to know as more family than neighbors.

Thank you, my friend. I don't think you will ever know how important a role you played in my life. Because of you I had the sanity to live my dream of raising my girls for another three years. Because of you I had the courage to go back into the working world, knowing my children were cared for and loved. And because of you I had the security of knowing that my best friend was only a few steps away if I needed her. Saying goodbye to you guys is so much harder than I ever thought it would be, but I'm so excited for the adventures that await you...and the warmer winters, for your sake! And don't forget to make room for us this summer, we are already pinching our pennies for when we can do the non-neighborly thing and crash at your new home!

Miriah Sannes resides in Hawley, MN, with her husband, Jared, and three daughters, Faith, Sena, and Eve. During the day, she teaches Special Education for the Norman County East School High School. The rest of her time is devoted to photography, reading and writing, and being a wife/mother/daughter/sister/aunt/and friend.

what to wear…

must haves for every girl

story

by | the black frame

It’s that time again…time to figure out what to wear! You open the closet door, already knowing exactly what is there, but hoping something new and fabulous will magically jump out at you saying, “me, me…pick me!” A plethora of options stare back at you blankly, lifelessly…sigh. Maybe your wardrobe options are missing some essential pieces to make it versatile, fun, stylish, and ever evolving. But what should every girl have in her closet? Make sure you have these three items and make outfit-decision making easier!

photo: the black frame

must have #1: fleece leggings

The real appealing part of this essential must have is that they never go out of style and look great on most every body type. Perfect! Fleece leggings come in a variety of colors and they are opaque [you can’t see through them]. Worn just above the ankle, fleece leggings can complement a dressy look or more casual outfit and because they are fleece lined, they are comfy and warm! Pair them with sweaters, dresses, or boots… you can’t go wrong!

must have #2: scarves

Oh the wonderful world of scarves! Colors, patterns, and styles galore! You can choose from traditional scarves worn in a variety of tied options [the weave, double loop, side knot, and many other tying styles are just a Google search away] or an infinity scarf, which is one continuous loop, can simply be wrapped around your neck. Heavier or lighter, worn with a jacket or over a shirt, your scarf can keep you warm, dress up any outfit, and add a pop of color effortlessly.

must have #3: sweaters

Don’t think sweaters are just for cold winter days. They come in so many options that they are a definite year-round must have! Heavy or light, full-length or three-quarter, solid color or pattern, buttons, a zipper, or just an open sweater allow you endless options that can be worn with jeans or leggings. What really makes this a must have is the fact that a sweater helps dress up an outfit without making it feel overdressed. And yes, during this time of year, it can keep you warm while looking great!

So there you have it! Now make your life easier. Go back to your closet and make sure you have these three must have items. Missing something? Checkout The Black Frame [www.shopblackframe.com or www.facebook. com/shopblackframe] where you’ll find these must haves as well as a ton of “I gotta haves!”

Created by three best friends, Kelci, Brittney, and Tara, The Black Frame started as an online boutique, but is expanding to a storefront in March 2014. These three hairstylists turned entrepreneurs love keeping up with the latest trends! They are proud to be an affordable clothing and accessory boutique which aims to provide trendy clothing and accessories that add to any outfit! At The Black Frame they believe a look is worth a thousand words and want every woman to feel comfortable and confident in what she is wearing.

Opening March 5, 2014

The Black Frame

3475 4th St S, Suite 100, Fargo [Located in Sola Salon]

Hours:

Wednesday: 2pm-7pm

Thursday: 2pm-7pm

Friday: 2pm-6pm

Every other Saturday: 10am-2pm

www.shopblackframe.com

www.facebook.com/shopblackframe

Thurs, March 6 • 12 - 7pm

Jimmy Choo, Juicy Couture, & Costa Sunglasses Trunk Show

Fri, March 7 • 12 - 7pm Lafont Paris Trunk Show

MARCH 6-8, 2014 www.optixgallery.com

Sat, March 8 • 9 - 3pm Tiffany & Co. Trunk Show *

Anniversary Specials: $50 off first complete pair • 50% off additional pairs 50% off Select frames

february events

8 & 28

Knight for a Princess

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Experience a night of joy and memories to last a lifetime for a special little girl and her escort at the 10th annual daddy-daughter dance at the Alerus Center in Grand Forks! This treasured event is for girls, age 11 & under and their escorts [daddy, grandpa, or a favorite uncle]. Space is limited. Register online today!

8

Paws for Reading

701.241.1495

www.fargolibrary.org

Reading therapy pets will visit the Main Library [102 3rd St N, Fargo] 1pm-3pm to lend a furry listening ear to developing readers [grades 1-6] as they read out loud. Pre-registration is required. Call 701.241.1495 to reserve a 15-minute session with a furry friend.

8

Sweetheart Ball

701.232.3980

www.rmhcfargo.org

Support the Ronald McDonald House of

the Red River Valley at the Holiday Inn [3803 13th Ave S, Fargo], 6pm-midnight, with an evening featuring dinner, a live and silent auction, and dancing at this semi-formal event. Tickets are $75.

8

Awesome Art Afternoon

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Love art, but hate the mess? Bring your kiddo to this interactive art program to have fun while building a variety of takehome projects. All creative materials will be provided. Adult supervision required. 1pm-3pm at Robert D. Johnson Recreation Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo].

9 Destination Anchor Island

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Get out of the cold and take a cruise to anchor Island. Enjoy a Sunday afternoon at the Caribben with music, water games, and prizes rom 1pm-5pm at Fargo South High Indoor Pool [1840 15th Ave S, Fargo]. Don’t forget to grab yourself a tasty tropical treat while relaxing by the water. $2 per swimmer.

9 & 23

Unraveled Crafters

701.476.5977

www.fargolibrary.org

Head to the Dr. James Carlson Library [2801 32 Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for an informal, enthusiastic crafters' group for the novice and expert alike. If you are new to knitting or crocheting, we can teach you! All interested crafters are welcome. Free. Contact Lori West at 701.476.5977 or email lwest@cityoffargo.com for details.

12

Mom’s Helpers

701.364.8100

www.essentiahealth.org

An interactive class at Essentia Health [3000 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 6:30pm-7:45pm, for expectant siblings ages 3 to 7. Brothers and sisters will take part in a variety of activities including making a card for the new baby and seeing a newborn. The class shows siblings how to help with a new baby and what is involved in being the special older brother or sister. A children’s tour of Birthing Center is included. Each child should bring a newborn-size doll or stuffed animal. Free event, register online.

15

Polar Party

218.299.5340

www.cityomoorhead.com/parks

Winter fun for the whole family! Sleigh rides, open skate, toasty bonfire, hot chocolate, outdoor games, and more! This free event runs from 1pm-4pm at Lamb Park [1325 14th Ave S, Moorhead].

15

Greenway Ski Days

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Join us, 10am-4pm at Lincoln Drive Park in Grand Forks for a snow-filled day of ski clinics, cross- country skiing on groomed trails, ice skating, snowshoeing, sledding, horse-drawn sleigh rides, and cardboard sled races [1:30pm].

15

B.L.A.S.T. Babysitter's Day Camp

701.364.1704

www.fmambulance.com

Babysitting Lessons and Safety Training is held at F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo], for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. They

will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper-changing techniques, also learn about when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15 and meets 9am-3pm. Limited space. Register online.

15

Purple-N-Pucks @ Fargo Force

701.364.3672

www.fargoforce.com

Sponsored by State Farm Agent Jill Henning, the Fargo Force will take on the Lincoln Stars wearing custom purple jerseys that will be auctioned off live following the game with all proceeds benefiting Embrace, Sanford Health’s Cancer Survivorship Program.

16

Family Fun Day @ Fargo Force

701.364.3672

www.fargoforce.com

Watch the Fargo Farce take on the Lincoln Stars and enjoy $1 hot dogs and $1 pop all day, sponsored by Stop-N-Go. Don’t forget to bring out your skates to skate with the Force following the game and keep an eye out for a special appearance by SPIDERMAN!

18

Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Group

701.361.6611

The mission of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. is to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first few months of life. This support encompasses emotional, physical, spiritual, and social healing as well as sustaining the family unit. This group meets the third Tuesday of each month, 7pm at Edgewood Vista and Village [4440 37th Ave S, Fargo].

21, 22 & 23

Red River Valley Home & Garden Show

www.fargodome.com

Get a little taste of Spring when you visit the Home & Garden Show for all your indoor and outdoor home ‘to-do’s’.

23

Family Day at the Dike

701.499.6060

www.fargoparks.com

Sledding, hot dogs and beverages while supplies last for the whole family at Dike West [310 4th St S, Fargo]. Be there 1pm-4pm.

24

Monday Play Group

218.284.3400

https://communityed. moorheadschools.org

Start your week out with new friends when you come to this group for fun, art, music and play activities for kiddos from birth to kindergarten entry. Group runs five Monday [Feb. 24 – Mar. 24] from 12:30pm-2:30pm at Probstfield [2410 14th St S, Moorhead]. Cost is $40 [$35 reduced fee for Moorhead School District residents].

24-28

FPS Kindergarten Registration

701.446.1043

www.fargo.k12.nd.us

Calling all parents of Fall 2014 Fargo Public School Kindergarteners! Time to get your kiddos registered. Monday-Friday, Febuary 24-28, between 7:30am-4pm, head to the

school your kiddo will be attending next Fall [Call 701.446.1043 if you aren’t sure which location you should go to] and get them signed-up. Your kiddo must be age 5 by July 31, 2014 and you need to bring his birth certificate, current immunization record and, to verify the correct neighborhood school, a current utility bill with your name and current address on it.

26

Little Chefs

218.284.3400

https://communityed.

moorheadschools.org

If kids help prepare foods they are more likely to try them. Help your kids ages 2 years to kindergarten entry learn simple cooking skills in a stress-free environment. Rachel and Ruth will plan the menu, collect the supplies and do the shopping. You assist and enjoy a sample with your little chef. Class meets for six Wednesdays, [Feb. 26 – Apr. 9, no class Mar. 5th] from12:30pm-2:30pm at Probstfield [2410 14th St S, Moorhead]. Cost is $48 [$42 reduced fee for Moorhead School District residents].

march events

1

Can I Come In & Play?

218.477.2214

www.mnstate.edu/childcare

The gym at the MSUM Early Education Center [1213 Lommen Hall, 6th Ave & 13th St S, Moorhead] will be open 10am-noon for the community members to come and play! This is a free event for kiddos 16 months to 6 years of age accompanied by an adult. Ride bikes, run and play with other kiddos.

1

Awesome Art Afternoon

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Love art, but hate the mess? Bring your kiddo to this interactive art program to have fun while building a variety of takehome projects. All creative materials will be provided. Adult supervision required. 1pm-3pm at Robert D. Johnson Recreation Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo].

1

Knight for a Princess

701.746.2750

www.gfparks.org

Experience a night of joy and memories to last a lifetime for a special little girl and her escort at the 10th annual daddy-daughter

dance at the Alerus Center in Grand Forks! This treasured event is for girls, age 11 & under and their escorts [daddy, grandpa, or a favorite uncle]. Space is limited. Register online today!

1

Saturday Fun Nights

www.ymcacassclay.org/funnights

Parent's Night Out while the kids enjoy the YMCA! 4:30pm-9:30pm, Schlossman YMCA [4243 19th Ave S, Fargo], Grade K-6, $18 for members, $25 non-members. Registration is required.

4 & 18

Car Seat 101 for Expectant

Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take this chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment and be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway, Fargo] between 6:30pm-8pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

7

Extreme Night

www.ymcacassclay.org/extreme

Attention Grades 6-8 come have a night

of extreme fun! 7pm-10pm at Schlossman YMCA [4243 19th Ave S, Fargo] $5 for member, $10 non-member.

8

Celtic Festival

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

This festival features entertainment stages, several presentations about folk traditions of the past & present, activities booths & Celtic foods at the Hjemkomst Center, Moorhead 10am-4pm.

11

Butterfly Ball Ticket Sales

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

The very popular semi-formal father/ daughter dance is back! Tickets go on sale starting at 8:00 am. Sold on a first-come first-served basis at Robert D. Johnson Recreation Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo] $16/person. Phone calls will be returned after all people on site have been helped. Tickets may be purchased Monday through Friday 8am-5pm.

13

Safe Kids

701.780.1856

www.safekidsgf.com

Did you know that 4 out of 5 car seats are

used incorrectly? Could your child's be one of them? Safe Kids Grand Forks, in partnership with Altru Health System and Rydell GM Auto Center, offers a monthly car seat check-up event on the second Thursday of each month. This event is from 4pm-7pm, free and no appointments are necessary. Come to Rydell's and certified car seat technicians will check on your seat and ensure your children are riding safely.

13

Fantastic Fours and Fives

218.284.3400

https://communityed.

moorheadschools.org

Children grow up fast, so come spend this precious time with your child as you laugh, sing, read and play games. This class is for kiddos who will be attending kindergarten in the Fall of 2014, and their parents. It meets five Thursdays [Mar. 20th, 27th, Apr. 3rd, 10th] from noon-2pm at Probstfield [2410 14th St S, Moorhead]. $40 fee [$35 for Moorhead School District residents].

14 & 15

Lone Star Rodeo

701.746.6511

www.aleruscenter.com

Enjoy all the edge-of-your-seat action and excitement of Lone Star Rodeo at the

events event calendar | march

Alerus Center [1200 42nd Street S, Grand Forks]. Time and tickets TBD. Giddy-up!

15

St. Patrick’s Parade

701.364.9867

www.downtownfargo.com

Everyone’s Irish for a day when FargoMoorhead celebrates St. Patrick’s Day in downtown Fargo.

19 & 29

CPR for Family & Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Participants will learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction, and will receive an American Heart Association participation card. 6pm-8pm. Pre-registration is necessary.

22 & 23

Bouncin' Bash & More

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

This weekend of inflatable family fun will take place at the Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo] and features many obstacle courses, giant slides, bouncy castles, Volcano Climb, Kiddie Land area and more. Bring your friends and play laser tag. Concessions will be available. This event is open to all

ages. Children 12 & under must attend with an adult. Open 10am-8pm on the 22nd and 10am-5pm on the 23rd. $8/person.

22

Teddy Bear Tea Party

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Come dressed up for tea and bring your faborite teddy bear. Learn etiquette basics through fun games while enjoying bite sized snacks and refreshments. From 10am-11am at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo]. Pre-registration is reguired. $6/child.

23

Cosmic Bowling

701.499.6060

www.fargoparks.com

Bring the whole family and enjoy bowling at its wildest times. Music and lights will add to the party atmosphere. Prizes will be given away throughout the event. From 1pm-3pm at West Acres Bowl [3402 Interstate Blvd SW, Fargo] Fee: $9/person, pre-registration is required and groups of 4 or 5 preferred.

Are your kids riding safely? This class is designed to give participants the knowledge on correct use of car seats. This class meets licensing requirements for Minnesota child care and foster care providers. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary. $30/participant.

26

Safe & Sound: Preparing Your Home for Baby

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

You have the car seat, crib, diapers, and dozens of new outfits for baby. So are you ready to bring your newest family member home? This class at Sanford Clinic Auditorium [801 Broadway, Fargo], 6:30pm-8pm, will inform participants about the best practices in safe sleep and nursery safety, as well as provide general baby-proofing tips. You won't want to miss out on this valuable information. Free and open to anyone who will be caring for a little one. Call to register.

to keep you on the edge of your seat with excitement. Tickets: Adults: $30 Gold Buckle, $25 Reserved, $17 General admission Kids

2-12: $30 Gold Buckle, $12.50 Reserved, $8.50 General Admission. Doors open at 6:30pm, action starts at 7:30pm.

28, 29 & 30

Home Design & Garden Show

701.746.4536

www.forxbuilders.com

Spring is right around the corner and there is no time like the present to attend the Home Design & Garden Show event at the Alerus Center [1200 42nd St S, Grand Forks] on Fri–4pm, Sat–10am, Sun-12pm. Kids can enjoy bouncy games, indoor playground and building area, while you take in seminars, local chef demonstrations and shop exhibitors.

30

Gold-N-Motion

701.280.0400

www.americangoldgymnastics.com

28 & 29

PRCA Rodeo

25

Child Passenger Safety Class

701.234.7233

www.sanfordhealth.org

www.fargodome.com

Grab your boots and hat and head out to the action of bareback riding, barrel racing, steer wrestling and bull riding. Sure

Don’t miss this opportunity to see why our local talent is considered some of the top competitive & show gymnasts in the country! Time TBD. from

our experts, for your health

“To reduce the risk of concussion in contact sports, lead with your eyes and not with your head.”

Dan Ostlie, MD Orthopedics and Sports Medicine

april events

Child Abuse Prevention

Month

www.stopchildabusend.com

www.pcamn.org

Help strengthen families and prevent child abuse and neglect.

1

The Addams Family

701.777.3076

www.cfa.und.edu

The Addams Family musical comedy is coming to the Chester Fritz Aditorium [3475 University Ave, Grand Forks]. Wednesday Addams, the ultimate princess of darkness, has grown up and fallen in love with a sweet, smart young man from a respectable family whom they have never met. Everything will change for the whole family on the fateful night they host a dinner for the ‘normal’ boyfriend and his parents. Tickets: Adults: $48, $43, $28; Students: $42, $27, $23.

2 & 17

Car Seat 101 for Expectant

Parents

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on

infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway, Fargo] between 6:30pm8pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

4, 5 & 6

El Zagel Shrine Circus

701.241.9100

www.fargodome.com

High-wire and trapeze acts, clowns, bears, elephants, cotton candy and much, much more! Check Fargodome website for show times and ticket info.

5

Saturday Fun Nights

www.ymcacassclay.org/funnights

Parent's Night Out while the kids enjoy the YMCA! 4:30pm-9:30pm, Schlossman YMCA [4243 19th Ave S, Fargo], Grade K-6, $18 for members, $25 non-members. Registration is required.

5, 11 & 12

Butterfly Ball

701.499.7788

www.fargoparks.com

Attentions dads, uncles and grandpas! Bring your little princess, ages 4-12, to the Butterfly Ball. This semi-formal father/ daughter prom includes music, dancing,

photo opportunities and a mini grand march. The dance will be held at Hilton Garden Inn, [4351 17 Ave S, Fargo] from 7pm-9:30 pm. Tickets are$16/person and can be purchased at Robert D. Johnson Rec Center, [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo]. Tickets are sold on a first come first served basis. Phone calls will be returned after all people on site have been helped. Tickets may be purchased Monday through Friday 8am-5pm.

7

Purse & Quilt and More Auction

www.catholiccharitiesnd.org

Support Catholic Charities of ND by attending their Purse & Quilt and More Action at the Hilton Garden Inn in Fargo. Featuring heirloom quality quilts and fantastic purses, as well as service, sporting and entertainment packages in both live and silent auctions. All proceeds benefit the Pregnancy, Parenting and Adoption Services of Catholic Charities North Dakota. Tickets on sale now! Get Involved! Contact Sarah Ries at 701.235.4457 or sries@ catholiccharitiesnd.org for more info on donating a Quilt, Purse or any other item for the Auction, becoming a committee member or sponsor of this great event!

10–13

USA Gymnastics Championships

701.365.8868

www.region4gymnstics.com

Top level gymnasts from 7 State Regions will compete at the Fargodome for an opportunity to qualify for the 2014 Jr. Olympic National Championships.

10

Safe Kids

701.780.1856

www.safekidsgf.com

Did you know that 4 out of 5 car seats are used incorrectly? Could your child's be one of them? Safe Kids Grand Forks, in partnership with Altru Health System and Rydell GM Auto Center, offers a monthly car seat check-up event on the second Thursday of each month. This event is from 4pm-7pm, free and no appointments are necessary. Come to Rydell's and certified car seat technicians will check on your seat and ensure your children are riding safely.

12

Gigantic Rummage Sale

701.433.5360

www.wfparks.org

Over 175 vendors will be selling antiques,

crafts, collectibles, closeout items and garage sale items at the Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo], 7am-2pm. Free parking. To register for a booth please contact the park office. Concessions will be available. $1 admission [17 & under free]

12 & 23

CPR for Family & Friends

701.234.5570

www.sanfordhealth.org

Participants will learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction, and will receive an American Heart Association participation card. 6pm-8pm. Pre-registration is necessary

15

Kids Are Our Business Breakfast

701.293.7273

www.raccfm.com

Join the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center for breakfast at the Ramada Plaza Suites in Fargo at 7:30am & help out a great cause. Seating is limited so call today! Call for ticket information. Table & Event Sponsorships available. Pre-registration

encouraged.

16

HAIR

www.fargodome.com

The Public Theater’s new Tony Award winning production is an electric celebration on stage! This musical is about a group of young Americans searching for peace and love in a turbulent time. Showtime: 7:30pm. Please note: HAIR contains adult content.

16

Child Passenger Safety Class

701.234.7233

www.sanfordhealth.org

Are your kids riding safely? This class is designed to give participants the knowledge on correct use of car seats. This class meets licensing requirements for Minnesota child care and foster care providers. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary. $30/person.

16

Training to be Tremendous

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

There are many reasons why zoo animals are trained. From 3:15pm-4:45pm, visit and discover how the Red River Valley Zoo [4255 23rd Ave S, Fargo] keeps their

animals healthy through training and what techniques are used. Meet the Zoo Veterinarian and practice your skills with real blow darts too.

18 & 19

Easter Eggstravaganza

701.232.6102

www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org

Meet the Easter Bunny, hop on over to The Extraordinary Egg Hunt at 11:00am, 1:00pm & 3:00pm. Spring crafts, live chicks, and tons of other great family at the Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm [1201 28th Ave N, Fargo] starting at 10am.

25, 26 & 27

KEM Shrine Circus

701.772.7125

www.theralph.com

The KEM Shrine Circus returns to Ralph Engelstad Arena for three days of fun for all ages. Friday 3pm & 7pm; Saturday at 10am, 2pm & 7pm; Sunday at 2pm & 6pm. Tickets are FREE for all children through 8th grade [with accompanying adult] and $14 for adults at the door [$12 pre-sale].

26

Party for the Planet

701.277.9240

www.redriverzoo.org

An Earth Day event with activites and booths throughout the day at the Red River Valley Zoo [4255 23rd Ave S, Fargo] from 10am-5pm

27

Unraveled Crafters

701.476.5977

www.fargolibrary.org

All interested crafters are invited to the Dr. James Carlson Library [2801 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for some unraveled fun! If you are new to knitting or crocheting, they'll teach you!

26

Running for the Ribbons

kolling0129@yahoo.com

www.prayforgray.com

This 5k run/walk was organized in memory of a very special little girl named Morgan Kolling. With ALL PROCEEDS going to Morgan’s Wish through the Pray for Gray foundation, Morgan’s Wish helps local families affected by brain cancer. For upcoming information on race details keep checking the website.

“Wear sunscreen every day, all year round. Not only will it help prevent skin cancer, it will keep your skin young and healthy.”

Angela Skyberg, PA-C Family Medicine

preneur

Originally from Page, North Dakota, Melissa [40] grew up on her family farm and spent many summers driving combine She graduated with a Psychology degree from North Dakota State University and received an Aesthetics degree from St Paul Technical College As the first licensed aesthetician in 2000 for the state of North Dakota, Melissa had a dream and passion to improve people’s lives by helping them feel better about the way they look So in January of 2005, with her over ten years of aesthetics experience, Melissa opened Rejuv Skin and Laser Clinic—a uniquely combined luxury spa with medical-grade effectiveness It offers a full array of skin care treatments in pampering, calming comfort and a spa environment Melissa oversees all aspects of clinic operations with a focus on education and marketing She also conducts patient consultations and performs a wide variety of medical aesthetic services, with an emphasis on chemical peels Away from the clinic, you can find Melissa and Cory, husband of 12 years, spending time with their kids, Max [5] and Isla [3], skiing, traveling, hours at the lake, and shopping—something Melissa considers herself really good at

photo: yvonne denault photography

melissa

in one word describe your clinics? Welcoming!

how many employees do you currently have? Between the Fargo and Grand Forks locations, 13 plus my husband!

what is something rejuv offers that we might not know about?

Vanquish—permanent fat reduction. It’s amazing! give us an idea of the services you offer at rejuv.

Clinical procedures include Exilis skin tightening, Acne therapy, Vanquish fat reduction, photorejuvenation, fractional resurfacing, Botox, Juvederm and Radiesse injections, laser hair removal, chemical peels, SilkPeel, HydraFacial, DermaFrac, Microdermabrasion, Oxygen Facial therapy, eyebrow threading, eyelash extensions, massage therapy, airbrush tanning, and spa facials. in addition to the many services rejuv offers, what types of products do you carry for purchase?

We carry a variety of skin-care products, including Obagi, SkinMedica, and our own line of organic products. Other popular products are Latisse, Clarisonic, glominerals cosmetics, and our unique gift items!

do you offer these products through the website?

Yes! Our products can be purchased online at www.rejuvclinic.com.

with two clinics, how do you handle owner/clinic director responsibilities?

I have such an amazing team of women working with me—we are a well-oiled machine and I feel very fortunate. I couldn’t do it without them!

do you think there are any misconceptions in the cosmetic industry?

Yes! Sometimes women feel intimidated by clinics like ours—they shouldn’t be. We are 110% unpretentious and love taking care of people no matter what their budget. Our services are for anyone who wants to feel better about the way they look.

Convertibles by:

This incredible, innovative design allows for diamond stud earrings to be worn three unique ways. Convertible Earring Jackets may be worn below the stud as a beautiful drop, in the center around the stud as a jacket, or simply as a stud.

where would you like to see rejuv skin & laser clinics in five years?

I could not be happier with where we are right now – we are a very close-knit team. I would like to see us continuing to lead our industry with the newest technology and continue to focus on the wonderful relationships we have with our patients – we consider them a part of our Rejuv family. how would your clients describe you?

Fun, energetic, passionate, committed, knowledgeable. what is the best business mistake you’ve made?

I make mistakes all the time! But I am committed to learning from both my mistakes and successes – and that is the key to long-term success!

what has been the biggest challenge in owning your own business?

Being able to “turn it off”—Rejuv was my first baby BEFORE I had babies and it can be so hard to leave at five and not be constantly checking messages and truly check out…as long as the clinic is open—I am “on.”

do you have a least favorite part of the businesses?

Inventory and accounting—that’s why I “hired” my husband after our daughter was born. He is amazing at taking care of all the “behind the scenes” duties that make Rejuv run so smoothly. And it lets me spend my time training my team and with our clients.

is there one person in your life who has been a mentor or inspiration to you?

Yes! Without a doubt—Pat Staples. I met her many years ago when she was the VP of Marketing at Community First Bank. She believed I could do this when I didn’t believe in myself – I can never thank her enough for her support, advice, and encouragement. I honestly believe Rejuv would not have happened without her!

what one quality do you think is necessary to be a mompreneur?

ENERGY! I would only do this if I could give 110% to both my KIDS and REJUV. And that takes a lot of energy!

what is necessary to keep your day running smoothly?

Um…a soy vanilla latte. I wish I were kidding, but I’m not!

what has being your own boss meant for your family?

Flexibility! Before my kids were preschool age, I was able to adjust my schedule to be home with them two days a week, and now that they are older I am able to drop them off and pick them up after school every day. I feel like I have the best of both worlds right now!

what keeps you motivated?

Patient feedback. We have an online review system and when I read about our patient experiences it makes me so proud and motivates me to continue to work harder and be the very best at what we do!

away from the store, what might we find you doing?

I adore getting on the floor and playing with my kids. You will find me playing babies with Isla or hitting the puck around the basement with Max. Growing up I was so much younger than my brother and sister I didn’t have playmates. I feel like this is my second childhood! We have a blast. Once the kids are

in bed—you will find me shopping online. Please don’t tell my husband!

what is something you admire but would never do?

Scuba dive. I’m terrified. Really. I’m totally chicken.

what quote do or can you most relate to?

“A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.”—Eleanor Roosevelt.

photo: exposures by j.linnea

photo: nikki jean photography

photo: nikki jean photography

tiny sprout portraits

tiny sprout portraits

rialee photography

michelle warren photography

timeless images photography

shutter

timeless images photography

michelle warren photography

rialee

more than turtlenecks & tube socks modesty…

story by | heather bjur, MA, LAMFT

The fashion world can be challenging to navigate these days. With plunging necklines, offensive t-shirts, and ultra-low-cut jeans, our kids need to be very aware of how they are dressing their bodies. But modesty is more than skin deep. The way students dress, the words they choose, and the attitude they present send a message to the world about their identity. When it comes to modesty, the question our children must ask themselves is, “How do I want the world to know me?”

The topic of modesty can be a tough one in 2014. Even understanding what modesty means can be tricky. Does modesty mean being totally covered up in dress and treating yourself as less-than everyone else? Do only ‘religious’ people care about modesty? Is it old fashioned? From arguments over scantily clad women on billboards to the lunchroom banter at your local middle or high

school, it’s a topic that gets more attention than we often realize.

What does it mean to be modest? A simple definition is this: having a moderate view of oneself—neither too lofty, nor too low. The way a person views himself or herself sets the stage for everything else in life: our vocabulary, our dress, our choice of friends, spouse, and even vocation. Our bodies and our words send a message to the world around us…they can say things like, “I’m depressed,” or, “I’m really insecure and will do anything to attract attention,” or “I think very highly of myself: I’m obviously better than you,” and a myriad of other messages. How do we as parents guide and teach our children to have a healthy, moderate sense of self, both in word and in action and dress? It’s a matter of starting with a firm foundation of self-respect and self-control.

self-respect: pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity There are negative messages we can easily listen to just about everywhere we go. We don’t have to look far to hear messages like, “you’re not pretty enough, smart enough, tall enough, strong enough,” and on and on. The first step in establishing self-respect in our children is to instill in them an understanding of their priceless value and worth as a person, just because they’re them. Their behavior, grades, achievements, and mistakes don’t define them as a person. They have infinite value simply by being themselves, zits and all!

Part of having healthy self-respect includes having healthy boundaries. Teaching your children where they end and others begin, so to speak, is of utmost importance. Will they have the ability to say no when temptations to cheat, take bribes, or have sex too soon come along? Part of the strength to refuse temptations like these comes from knowing that they don’t have to participate in anything that makes them uncomfortable, regardless of who is asking. Their bodies are their own, their homework is their own, and reacting with a firm, caring answer will take care of most ugly situations.

“I’m sorry, I’m not going to give you the answers, but if you need help with your homework, maybe I can help you,” or “If you respect me enough to date me, you’ll respect that I’m not going to have sex with you.” If the boundaries they set aren’t respected at that point, it’s honorable to walk away.

Along with self-respect and boundaries is teaching them to simply be kind. Not push-over kind, but strong, caring, and respectful of others. Genuine kindness goes a long way in this world and is noticed by everyone.

How do you raise a child who doesn’t feel the need to follow the crowd? At a time when bullying seems to be at an all-time high, and the pressure to fit in can be crushing, a child who knows who he or she is, and understands that imperfection is part of our human condition, will have the ability to maintain his or her individuality when the rough times come.

self-control: the ability to control oneself, in particular one's emotions and desires, or the expression of them in one's behavior, esp. in difficult situations

Self-control goes hand in hand with self-respect. Teaching your child that he or she must wait sometimes, and to discern between what is healthy and what is harmful to

him, will predicate much of his success in life. Marriage and family therapist David Walsh, PhD, who wrote the book, “No!” Why Kids of All Ages Need to Hear it and Ways Parents Can Say It conducted an exercise in self-control several years ago by presenting several kindergarteners with a choice. They were given a big marshmallow and told that they could eat it if they wanted to, but if they waited, they would receive two MORE marshmallows when the teacher returned to the room. They were given the initial marshmallow and were left alone for a couple minutes, while the video camera rolled. It was found that the children who were able to wait and were subsequently rewarded with the extra marshmallows continued to show more self-control throughout their school careers, and in many cases had more success, than those who hadn’t waited.

Are you wondering what happened to the discussion of modesty? Here’s where it all comes together: a person who possesses self-respect and self-control is set up for success to build respect for his own body and others’. Others’ bodies, you ask? Absolutely! It’s just as important for our youth to know the value and importance of the bodies of those around them as it is to value their own. Shelly Donahue, national positive youth development speaker, addresses this subject when teaching sexual integrity: “Unless you’re going to marry the person that you’re dating in middle or high school [which the statistics say is extremely unlikely in our society], you’re dating somebody else’s husband/wife. And we don’t have sex with other people’s husbands or wives!”

In a “ME, ME, ME!” world, the ability to show respect and value for another person’s body is utterly priceless. wear it with meaning

Clinton Kelly from TLC’s What Not to Wear has been known to say things like, “Leave something to the imagination! Don’t just give away all your secrets! Mystery is very alluring.” When it comes to clothing, teaching your kids to ask the question, “What does this outfit say about me to the world?” is an excellent approach to help them to think for themselves and evaluate their choices by their own high standards.

When you’ve taught your children to have self-control and self-respect, you’ve truly given them a language by which they are able to speak a modest, appropriate, attractive self to the world. You might be thinking to yourself, “I’ve never been purposeful about teaching these things to my children…is it too late?” It’s never, ever too late to start teaching these important character traits. Even if you only have a year left with your high school student, take the time you have and invest; you’ll never regret it.

Originally from northern Iowa, Heather [a UNI alum] and hubby, Chris [an NDSU alum], joke about having a friendly rivalry right in their own home. She currently practices marriage and family therapy at Valley Christian Counseling Center in Fargo where her areas of interest include: women and couples experiencing infertility, fertility education, post-partum depression, abortion recovery, anxiety, depression, premarital, marital, and children’s therapy. When she's not conducting therapy sessions, she's blowing bubbles and making sand pies in the backyard with her sweet boys, Elijah [4] and Ezra [2]. An avid baker and cook, her secret wish is to one day become the next Barefoot Contessa. 701.237.3009

Revolutionizing internal medicine.

We

are.

Over the next few months, Sanford Health will begin transforming the internal medicine program throughout the enterprise. Our internists have created a strong foundation of care for adults – healthy and sick. And now a revolutionary program – the first of its kind in the nation – will change the face of medicine as you know it.

Sanford Imagenetics will translate your genetic makeup to prescribe certain medications with even greater precision. It will be the first step toward our internal medicine physicians working with you and your primary care physician to offer more effective treatments, predict future health concerns and prevent some diseases with a personalized health care plan.

Samuel Nyamu, MD Aberdeen, SD

Rod Will, MD Bemidji, MN

Eric Larson, MD Sioux Falls, SD

Anthony Tello, MD Bismarck, ND

Russell Wilke, MD Fargo, ND

what to do, what to do…

summer camps & activities 2014

FAITH

FaHoCha Bible Camp An interdenominational camp nestled beside South Lake Washington, 25 miles East of New Rockford, ND, we are known for our great food, fun, family like atmosphere, focus on faith, and affordability.  We offer a great life-changing adventure that will create many wonderful memories while meeting new friends. Multiple sessions offer an opportunity for everyone to attend: Varsity Camp [ages 16–18, June 8–13, $139], Middler Camp 1 [ages 10–11, June 15–20, $139], Jr. Varsity Camp [ages 14–15, June 22–27, $139], Beginner Camp 1 [ages 8–9, June 29–July 1, $60], Middler Camp 2 [ages 10–11, July 6–11, $139], Jr. High Camp [ages 12–13, July 13–18, $139], Beginner Camp 2 [ages 8–9, July 20–23, $85]. Please contact 701.674.3211, jay@ fahocha.org or go to www.fahocha.org for more info.

Inspiration Point Christian Camp + Retreat Center Located on Spitzer Lake, 90 minutes Southeast of Fargo/Moorhead, Inspiration Point offers an action-packed Christian camp experience for students in grades 1–12. Inspiration Point is known for its well-trained staff dedicated to quality service and care, modern accommodations, and excellent food service. Family camps are also available. Register online at www.ipoint. org or call 218.998.4572 for more information.

SPORT

American Gold Gymnastics Offering classes for kids ages 18 months to 18 years. Classes develop physical awareness, work on coordination, balance, listening skills, fine and gross motor skills and incorporate lots of fun! Summer classes run June 2–26 & July 7–31 with registration starting April 22nd. For more info, www.americangoldgymnastics.com or 701.280.0400.

British Soccer Camp Offering Introductory to Advanced Camps, July 21st-25th for kids 3 years to 16 years old at the Kennedy Fields [4501 42nd St S, Fargo]. Coaching provided by British soccer coaches, 1 hour to all-day options, free jersey and ball, lots of fun! Register January 10th–June 5th. For more information visit www.fargosoccer.org contact Matt Noah, matt@fargosoccer.org or 701.866.1949

Dragon Diving Camp Located on the MSUM campus in Moorhead, MN, divers will work on all five categories and will improve their 1-meter skills, experience 3-meter diving and participate in extensive trampoline and dryland training. Two sessions to choose from [July 27–31 or August 3–8, note that High School female North Dakota divers are not allowed to participate in week 2 of camp due to ND State High School League Rules], Commuter [All Meals] $375 or Resident [Overnight, All Meals] $475. Register by April 1st and take $50 off the camp registration fee! Registration open until camp is full. For more

information, contact John Schmidt at john.schmidt@mnstate. edu, 218.477.2313 or visit www.mnstate.edu/swim.

Dragon Swim Camp Improve your swimming skills June 8–13 or June 15–20 on the MSUM campus in Moorhead, MN. Each Camp is broken into two groups: Stroke Technique Group [Younger and less experienced swimmers in this group will focus on drills and skills to improve all four competitive strokes plus starts and turns during two pool sessions each day. Campers in this group may be resident or commuters] or Advanced Technique & Conditioning Group [Older and more experienced swimmers in this group will work on the same skills as the Stroke Technique Group, and will have four additional individualized swim training sessions throughout the week]. Camp Fee: Commuter [All Meals] $350, Resident [Stroke Technique - Overnight, All Meals] $450, Resident [Advanced Technique and Conditioning—Overnight, All Meals] $475. Register by March 15th and take $50 off the camp registration fee! Registration open until camp is full. For more information, contact Katie Diiro at diiro@mnstate.edu, 218-477-2313 or visit www.mnstate.edu/swim.

SELF

Driver's Education Learn the rules of the road at the Oak Grove North Campus [124 N Terrace, Fargo] May 27–30. $125 fee for classroom instruction. Behind-the-wheel instruction can be individually arranged for an additional $225 fee. For more info visit Students/Summer Programs at www.oakgrovelutheran. com or email Terri Kruger at lbjog2@yahoo.com.

I AM I CAN Summer Camp for Girls 2014 marks the 24th year of the "I AM I CAN" Summer Camp for Girls, a day camp held at the Academie Agencie in downtown Fargo. This camp is designed to be a fun and learning-filled week [M-F from 10am5pm] where the camper will develop her self-confidence and self-expression. The camp is open to girls ages 9–13, running June 23rd–27th or August 4th–8th. The seminars and events are age appropriate and include but are not limited to attitude, social graces, table etiquette, visual poise and presentation, modeling, fitness, confidence- building, skincare, and wardrobe. To register call 701.235.8132 or visit academieagencie.com.

North Dakota Farmers Union Camp North Dakota Farmers Union Camp is a camp for more than just farmers.  It is a leadership camp that teaches the importance of cooperation and teamwork. Campers own and operate their own coop store which is liquidated at the end of camp and all proceeds are donated to a charity.  Campers play sports, swim, dance, have campfires, participate in an education project and have lots of fun. Junior Camp for grades 3-6 is available June 8–11, June 11–14, July 13–16, July 16–19, July 20–23 at Wesley Acres and June 8–11, June 11–14, July 13–16, July 16–19 at Heart Butte.

Senior Camp at Heart Butte Senior Camp 1 June 16–20 grades 7–12, Senior Camp 2 June 23–27 grades 7–12, Senior Camp 3 July 7–11 grades 7–9, Senior Camp 4 July 21–25 grades 7–12, Senior Camp 5 July 28–August 1 grades 11–12, Rolling Camp August 6-9 grades 9–12. Registration starts March 1st. Junior Camp registration is $75, Senior Camp registration is $125. For more information, visit our website at ndfu.org or contact Jennifer Sundeen at jsundeen@ndfu.or or 800.366.8331 ext 107.

YMCA Busy Beavers Camp This half-day camping experience is designed just for preschoolers, ages 3-5! Each week has a fun theme sure to keep your little one engaged and learning. Camp is located at the Fercho YMCA in Fargo, and runs in four-day sessions June 9–August 15. For details, call 701.293.9622 or visit www.ymcacassclay.org/camp. Financial Assistance Is Available!

YMCA Camp Cormorant This overnight camp provides kids ages 7-15 with a summer adventure on the shores of Big Cormorant Lake, MN. Specialty camps include Horseback Riding, Ropes Course, Basketball, Adventure, Trips and More! Weekly sessions run June 8–August 15. For details, please visit www.campcormorant.org or call 701.293.9622. Financial Assistance Is Available!

EXPLORATION

Camp Invention A summer enrichment program that ignites the imagination. Camp Invention runs from June 9-13, 9am-3:30pm at Oak Grove Lutheran School's south campus [2720 32nd Ave S, Fargo]. The camp is for students in grades 1–6, cost is $225, families that register 3 or more siblings will receive $50 off per child. Visit www.campinvention.org for more info.

College for Kids College for Kids is a summer camp program for children ages 6 to 18, held on the beautiful MSUM campus in Moorhead, MN July 14–17 and July 21–24. Expert instructors teach classes that encourage exploration, adventure and creativity while cultivating young people’s understanding and appreciation for a variety of topics. Session themes include arts and crafts, fitness and sports, nature, science and technology, and space exploration. Registration is available February 17–July 9. For more information visit www.mnstate.edu/collegeforkids or contact Shireen Alemadi at cfk@mnstate.edu.

Microsoft DigiGirlz High Tech Camp Microsoft is proud to offer technology programs specifically for youth. One of our signature programs, DigiGirlz High Tech Camp for girls, works to dispel stereotypes of the high-tech industry. We continue to look for opportunities to give young people a chance to experience, firsthand, what it is like to develop cutting-edge technology.  During the camp session, the girls listen to executive speakers, participate in technology tours and demonstrations, network, and learn through hands-on experience in workshops. Established in 2000, the camp program continues to grow and evolve. For more information and session details, visit http:// www.microsoft.com/en-us/diversity/programs/digigirlz/ hightechcamp.aspx

YMCA Camp Koda This activities and exploration day camp now offers a new, fun and unique experience each week with themes like Around the World, Ooee Gooey Science, Sports Galore, Wet n’ Wild and Safari. Age 6–11. Camp is located at the Fercho YMCA in Fargo, and runs in weekly sessions June 9–August 15. For details, call 701.293.9622 or visit www. ymcacassclay.org/camp. Financial Assistance Is Available!

1st visit recommended 1 at year of age!

boom boom when a little

story by | brooke erstad, PT, DPT, WCS, CAPP

The baby is here! You and your family are overjoyed! But when all of the excitement has passed and you’ve settled into a routine…exhaustion may be the only thing you feel! Your mind and body feel different, yet the expectations to maintain your family, home, career, and relationships are the same. One of the major pressures felt by many women after having a baby is the return to intimacy with their partner. Some women have no issues returning to a satisfying sex life after having a baby, but for many others that is just not the case.

feels like a big no!

gettin’ through it

The medical term given to pain during or after intercourse is Dyspareunia. Pain can be felt in the genitals, pelvis, hips, or lower back. The mechanical trauma of birth contributes largely to Postpartum [after having a baby] Dyspareunia. Episiotomy, vaginal

tearing, instrumentation [vacuum or forceps], and assisted birth [being induced or scheduled Cesarean] all contribute to muscle dysfunction, tissue adhesions, perineal scarring, or nerve irritation within the vagina and pelvic floor. Additionally, decreased estrogen production can cause poor lubrication or thinning of the vaginal wall, causing increased friction. Some more severe cases may also include pain with sitting and/or pain with bowel or bladder functioning. Length of lactation can make a difference in symptoms, but, surprisingly, there is very little difference between vaginal or Cesarean deliveries when comparing the incidences of Postpartum Dyspareunia.

the facts

As many as 50-60% of women experience Postpartum Dyspareunia for at least six to seven weeks, and 17-33% still experience painful intercourse three to six months after having a baby. The physical changes that occur after having a baby can cause the vaginal tissue to thin, decreasing blood flow, which results in the vagina being less flexible during intercourse. Less ability to stretch during penetration can account for most of the initial pain during intercourse, often described as a “burning ring of fire.” Scarring from an episiotomy or tearing

taking some time to relax and keep mentally and physically strong is essential to walking the tightrope of demands that motherhood entails

can make the inability to stretch even worse and may allow trigger points [aka muscle knots] to form, thus worsening the pain. Pain that occurs deeper or after initial penetration is often described as more achy, but can also be sharp. Common causes of deep pain can be pelvic adhesions, or scarring from the uterine positioning and amount of stretch experienced during pregnancy, or from uterine prolapse. Often, Postpartum Dyspareunia has a component of both deep and superficial stretch pain. On occasion, the pain may be from something more severe and you may need to see your doctor if your symptoms do not resolve within a year.

not tonight, honey

There are definite physical reasons that make returning to a healthy, happy sex life difficult after having a baby, but there is also simply a lack of desire. With all the different stresses placed on a woman during the postpartum period, it’s easy to see why! Taking some time to relax and keep mentally and physically strong is essential to walking the tightrope of demands that motherhood entails. Communication with your partner is essential to restoring a healthy sex life. The sexual

experience after having a baby is different initially and having an understanding partner can make the transition to a satisfying sex life easier. Sexual healing involves relaxation techniques or meditation, physical stretching and strengthening of the perineum, and optimal timing and positioning during intercourse.

Talking to a Women’s Health Physical Therapist is a great way to safely supervise yourself during the postpartum recovery. During the postpartum period, your body has been spending its energy healing itself, so preparing for intercourse is the key to satisfaction. Most women return to satisfying intercourse by 12 weeks postpartum. Pre-pregnancy levels of desire, enjoyment, and frequency should resume within a year. It’s important to remember that having a satisfying sex life can build a healthy relationship! Here are a couple ways you can help yourself and your relationship get back on track faster:

physical and mental health

• Get adequate rest whenever possible

• Get light physical activity 3-5 times/week - this can include family-centered workouts like going for walks with your child, yoga or baby-centered exercises, or walking the stairs of your home extra times.

COULD IT BE DYSLEXIA?

scar massage

• Women may feel as if tissue is tearing with insertion into vagina

• Gently rub the scars with pressure enough to blanch the skin, using a natural lubricant or vitamin E, for five to ten minutes every day

kegel exercises

• This should feel as though you are “holding back gas” or “stopping your pee” and you should not feel any squeeze in your buttocks, abdomen, or inner thighs

postpartum dyspareunia is very common, but it isn’t something you have to live with long term

• These are safe to begin immediately postpartum

• 30-50 repetitions of holding five to ten seconds and resting five to ten seconds in between

• The rest time is very important to combat the “burning ring of fire” feeling when returning to intercourse

Yes, Postpartum Dyspareunia is very common, but it isn’t something you have to live with long term. Your body is meant to heal, but if you continue to have problems, or just have questions about your changing body, talk to your trusted physician or visit a professional trained in women’s health and specifically pelvic-floor rehabilitation.

Wife to Bryan, mom to a 2 ½ -year-old son, Blake, and 14-month-old daughter, Brogen, and co-owner of Apex Physical Therapy & Wellness Center in West Fargo, Brook has a passion for women’s health. She is a Board Certified Women’s Health Specialist [WCS] through the American Board of Physical Therapy Specialists [ABPTS], which is the highest mark achieved in the field of Women's Health Physical Therapy. Brooke is one of two providers in North Dakota with this distinction [the other is in Bismarck, ND]. To earn her WCS certification, Brooke had to demonstrate proficiency in evaluating and treating a variety of women's health diagnoses, including: incontinence, pelvic-floor pain, prenatal and postpartum care, breast and gynecological cancer care, lymphedema, and considerations of treating the female athlete.

resources:

1. Nusbaum MR, Gamble G, Skinner B, Heiman J. The high prevalence of sexual concerns among women seeking routine gynecological care. J Fam Pract 2000;49(3):229-32.

Lace Up for Lend A Hand!

2. Richardson AC, Lyon JB, Graham EE, Williams NL. Decreasing postpartum sexual abstinence time. Am J Obstet Gynecol 1976;126(4):416-7.

3. Hicks TL, Goodall SF, Quattrone EM, Lydon-Rochelle MT. Postpartum sexual functioning and method of delivery: summary of the evidence. J Midwifery Women’s Health 2004;49(5):430.

4. Buhling KJ, Schmidt S, Robinson JN, Klapp C, Siebert G, Dudenhausen JW. Rate of dyspareunia after delivery in primiparae according to mode of delivery. Eur J Obstet Gynecol Reprod Biol 2006;124(1):42-6.

5. Signorello LB, Harlow BL, Chekos AK, Repke JT. Postpartum sexual functioning and its relationship to perineal trauma: a retrospective cohort study of primiparous women. Am J Obstet Gynecol 2001;184(5):881-8; discussion 888-90.

6. Connolly A, Thorp J, Pahel L. Effects of pregnancy and childbirth on postpartum sexual function: a longitudinal prospective study. Int Urogynecol J Pelvic Floor Dysfunct 2005 16(4):263-7.

7. Barrett G, Peacock J, Victor CR, Mayonda. Cesarean section and postnatal sexual health. Birth 2005;32(4):306-11.

8. Von Sydow K, Ulmeyer M, Happ N. Sexual activity during pregnancy and after childbirth: results from the Sexual Preferences Questionnaire. J Psychosom Obstet Gynaecol 2001;22(1):29-40.

9. Von Sydow K. Sexuality during pregnancy and after childbirth: a metacontent analysis of 59 studies. J Psychosom Res 1999;47(1):27-49.

10. Reamy KJ, White SE. Sexuality in the puerperium: a review. Arch Sex Behav 1987;16(2):165-86.

11. Kayner CE, Zagar JA. Breast-feeding and sexual response. J Fam Pract 1983;17(1):69-73.

12. Elia G, Bergman A. Pelvic muscle exercises: when do they work? Obstet Gynecol 1993;81(2):283-6.

Born and raised in Crookston, Minnesota, but a graduate of Fargo North High School, Mike is the youngest of three kids, a sister who lives in Naples, Florida, and a brother with Down syndrome, who lives in a group home in Crookston Mike attended the University of North Dakota, where he earned a Bachelors of Science in Public Administration, followed by a law degree He practiced for four years in San Francisco, California, and the Bay area before returning to Fargo to open his own firm, a practice exclusively devoted to family law The firm represents husbands, wives, moms, dads, grandparents, and, by court appointment, children, in all family law courts in North Dakota and Minnesota Mike and Sara, wife of 17 years, are parents to Emma [15], Noah [14], and Sophie [13] Mike is active in his church and considers himself a ‘foodie ’ He loves to garden and cook, and enjoys food projects like canning and sausage making

photos: rialee photography | lauren kupfer

on road trips i listen to…

This American Life, Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me, and TED Radio Hour. I know it’s nerdy but, hey, public radio rocks!

my best habit…

is that I am on a never-ending self-improvement program. I love the phrase, “what you are is God’s gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God.”

you would never catch me… without a plan for the day.

i’m not embarrassed to admit… that, technically, I cheated, five years ago, when I raced my son around the skating rink at Longfellow Elementary…if its “cheating” to throw your kid into a snow bank before you yell “go!”

age 54, fargo .nd

the most surprising thing i’ve learned about myself… though I still try, I can’t do it all myself. Leaning on and trusting others is not only okay, but usually leads to a better result and a more enjoyable journey. when i was younger, i wanted to be… as far from here as possible. I chased happiness to other parts of the U.S., only to learn that Fargo was hard to beat.

the thing i got rid of but never missed… was that Chevy Nova I drove back in college. Zero to 60 in a minute or so.

my idea of a good dinner… has nothing to do with food and drink and everything to do with whom it’s shared.

something my kids may not know about me… is that I used to be a teenager, too, and everything they feel and worry about, I once felt and worried about, too…only to better music.

my personality can be summed up as… hilarious. I just do such a great job of concealing it that I’m the only one who knows. i offer advice to clients daily, but the best advice i give is… “be nice.” When this advice is followed, it may not always make things better, but never makes things worse.

the most challenging part of being a dad to teenagers… is maintaining a relevant presence amidst the competition of friends, school, activities, and their growing need for independence.

our family rule is…

every day ends with a real hug and an “I love you.” No faking.

the phrase i’ve said more than any other at home…

it’s a tie between: “play the piano, please”; “is your homework done yet?”; and “it’s only funny when I do that.” They don’t laugh either.

i can always count on a laugh from…

my work colleagues. Yeah, they’re really smart and all, but that’s not enough. If we can’t laugh with each other, we shouldn’t spend five days a week together. getting older, i’ve come to appreciate… that “winning” has very little to do with victory and defeat.

my profession gives me… almost limitless opportunities to help others through trying times.

i’m a big believer in… doing your best and being kind to dogs.

my wife makes me a better dad/husband/man…

every single day. Sara is beautiful, inside and out. She doesn’t compromise her values. She is wise and insightful. I respect her, am blessed every day I am with her, and know that I’m the one who married “up.”

i can always do better with/at… searching out opportunities to “give back.” Can’t we all?

My dad raises food from biotech seeds. We can trust the farmers to grow safe and nutritious food source while preserving our future with conservation practices that will protect our environment.

food for thought Gheymeh

recipe recommended by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

Here is a great recipe that is sure to satisfy late winter comfort food cravings with the exotic element of something new! This recipe was shared with me by my brother-in-law and is his take on the traditional Persian stew. You will find multiple spellings of Gheymeh as well as many suggestions for serving alternatives. Gheymeh can be served with toasted pita bread, hummus, a dollop of greek yogurt, as well as some broiled grape tomatoes tossed in a bit of olive oil and fresh ground pepper. You can also add diced potatoes to the stew to up the comfort food factor. Shake up your winter doldrums with a new flavor!

food for thought

need:

1 lb. stew meat or lamb, cut into 1 inch cubes

1 medium eggplant, peeled and cut into ¼ inch by 3 inch slices, optional

1 white onion, diced

1 - 15oz. can diced tomatoes

2 T. tomato paste

½ cup dried yellow peas, soaked overnight in water until softened [to simplify, use canned chickpeas or favorite beans]

3 t. salt

1 t. pepper [fresh ground is best]

1 t. turmeric

½ t. cinnamon

1 T fresh squeezed lime juice extra virgin olive oil

how to:

1. Heat 2 T. olive oil at medium high.

2. Add eggplant and cook until browned, several minutes.

3. Toss into a medium bowl.

4. Add 2 T. olive oil to pan and add the onion, cooking until brown,

5. Add olive oil to the bowl with the eggplant.

6. Add more oil to the pan, if needed, and brown the beef, adding salt, pepper, turmeric and cinnamon at the end of  browning.

7. Add 2 ½ cups water, tomatoes, tomato paste, peas, and ingredients of the bowl.  Simmer at least ½ hour until peas are thoroughly cooked. Simmer it all day, if you’d like—the longer it simmers, the better!

8. Add lime juice just before serving.  Serve over basmati rice.

Serves 4-6.  This recipe freezes well!

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

dishing up diversity?

story by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

Ican't do it all, but I can make soup! That is one of my life mantras and seems particularly fitting for this time of year. My husband can tell you I am not a fan of winter, especially at this point when it seems like it is never going to end! As much as I am ready to push the calendar forward to warmer months, I know there are plenty of positives that come out of this season.

During these long, late winter days when the frenzy of the holidays is only a memory and the dreaminess of summer is still a distant future hope, I have time. It is a welcomed sabbatical of slowdown that I really have come to cherish in the excess of overscheduling that grips our modern lifestyle. This time often becomes a period of reflection and reevaluating life, too. Big questions like 'Why do I live here?' are sure to create some internal struggle for me. But I take a deep breath and take on some of the smaller things in life I can control, like 'What can I make for dinner that will shake things up?' I am past craving the comfort foods that satisfied me in the excitement of fall and the reality is even my stretchiest yoga pants aren’t going to withstand another lasagna. I am no longer obligated to holiday food customs and feel the need to really nourish myself with something new and exciting. So, what to do? It is time to experiment with food!

As long as my husband and I have been together, this is the time of year when our creative juices really get flowing in the kitchen. We have passed many winters pouring over new recipes in our latest food magazines, attempting to recreate meals from our favorite restaurants at home, and enjoying the pleasure of an escape in the comfort of our own home that a new recipe can bring.

When we haven’t had the time or finances to splurge on travels, we have found taking a Saturday afternoon to plan a dinner party for ourselves or with friends can really ignite a sense of adventure and refresh our souls from winter monotony.

Attempting a new ethnic flavor in your kitchen can be fun for the entire family and can serve as a great mini-vacation of the mind and soul. We have numerous

amazing ethnic groceries in our area that offer a fun family outing just checking out the multitude of exotic products they stock. Of course, including your kids in the process is a must—whether choosing the recipe, shopping, or cooking. The benefits of a few hours nourishing your family bonds through a shared meal are priceless. We have had fun choosing recipes based off of places we’ve been, places we have dreamed of visiting, as well as trying recipes from countries our kids have studied at school. What do you have to lose but a few dollars in groceries?

Not in the mood for cooking? Take your family out to a new restaurant! Skip the same old restaurants and try an ethnic restaurant you’ve never been to. We have a surprising number of great ethnic restaurants in the area that are family friendly and won’t break the bank. Again, involving the family in the task of choosing what type of cuisine to try can be half the fun. It’s a nice outing to break up the long winter days and a great opportunity to have a little adventure!

I hold a lot of value in what I put on the table for my family to eat. I think the memories you hold dear from

childhood are based on time together as a family. The busy schedules we live with can take our family dinners away from us, but I think we have the opportunity as parents to take that back as often as we can. Time at the table is a time to really connect with our families, make memories, and try something new! And maybe we are blessed as residents of the Upper Midwest to take advantage of our long winters and spice them up with a vacation for our palate!

Kari’s passion for food, family, and fun has been with her since her upbringing on the shores of Big Floyd Lake near Detroit Lakes, MN. She earned a Secondary Education degree in Social Studies and English from Concordia College. Although determined to leave the area upon graduation, she instead fell in love with a globetrotting area native, and has lived in the F-M area for 18 years. Kari and her husband, Brent, have spent many long winters perfecting Thai recipes with their three children and eager taste-testers, Gunnar [13], Ava [10], and Ella [5]. Kari takes great pride in her career of stay-at-home mom, which has allowed her to cultivate her love for food and provide imaginative and healthy meals for her family. Just don’t ask her kids about meals that they have labeled “Kari’s Creations!”

it’s tomorrow… today.

story by | kathleen wrigley

Two years ago our youngest daughter, Harper—now a whopping 5-½ years old—was registered for pre-school [just two mornings a week]. To say this child was excited is the understatement of the 2011-12 school year. She “practiced” going to school and pranced around in her Hello Kitty backpack. Her outfit lay spread out on her bedroom floor, waiting to come to life. And for weeks before her first day of pre-school she would ask, “Momma, is it my day today?” Every. Single. Morning. “Not yet, honey. Only 16 more sleeps…three more sleeps…two

more sleeps.” The countdown was on. The day before her big day she climbed in our bed, leveled her nose to mine and asked, “Momma, is it my day today?” I snuggled her tightly, holding on to today while she fantasized about tomorrow, “Not today, honey. Tomorrow. Tomorrow is your day. Just one more sleep.” The next morning—or sometime well before sunrise—Harper tiptoed to my side of the bed, ran her finger down the bridge of my nose, tapped gently, and whispered, “Momma, is it tomorrow TODAY?”

Yes, honey, it IS tomorrow TODAY!

They say opposites attract. My husband, Drew, thinks I over-share. He is private. And methodical. And decisive. I am open. And impulsive. And impressionable. In our early, courting days, these differences caused collisions. But, through the bumps of life we have settled into our characters, learned from them and accept them. No matter how we get there, our tomorrow goals and our life purpose are consistent—not always packaged in the way we expect—and there are personal bucket lists, too.

Because I’m an over-sharer, I will confide in you. I had a dream that I always put off…until tomorrow. So lofty, I thought, that I tucked it away.

I have always dreamed of writing. My thoughts, others' stories, real or imagined. I like to write, to create full sentences and pour feelings onto a blank screen. It’s therapeutic and cathartic. This dream was a private one, until five years ago when I asked this magazine’s co-founders, Dani and Sheri, if I could write just one article for “On The Minds Of Moms.” I was facing a health hiccup and wanted to pen something for my children, a keepsake...for their tomorrows.

Dani and Sheri had been gently nudging me to write a regularly occurring column for the magazine. I turned down their offers with excuses: full schedules, other projects, the demands of small children, and a busy husband. Truth be told, I was scared. I lacked confidence in myself and thought, “Who do they think I am? I’m not a writer.” Each time it came up, I’d thank them, and politely decline—but privately wondered if they’d ask again. So when the idea of writing something for my kids—before heading in for surgery—to tell them how much they taught me about life and how unique and precious each one of them was, I approached Dani and Sheri with my request to write just one piece. Just for my kids. Just in case.

That was five years ago.

My dream to write became real. Fear…and the reality that my tomorrow is today, made me do it. My chance came packaged in worry that I might not get another one. How ever your opportunity comes, go for it. Try it. I have a saying that hangs in my home office. It reads: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

My mom is a hip 64-years-young woman. She’s always wanted to play the bagpipes. Three years ago, a handful of people—my parents among them—hired an instructor

and started taking lessons. It’s a lot harder than it looks. Practices took time and patience. The novelty of wearing a kilt and blowing into an instrument that sounded more like a big, sick, loud, duck wore thin for everyone…everyone but my mom. She worked hard and when she grew frustrated with her progress, she practiced longer and studied more music. She plays the pipes at family gatherings, on holidays, and for our enjoyment—just for fun.

Then to her surprise, she received a phone call from the manager of the Philadelphia Police and Fire Bagpipe Band. She was stunned when he invited her to practice with the band. She hung up, called me, and asked “Are you ready for this?...” She was over-the-moon—with equal amounts of disbelief and excitement. She was nervous, too. “What if I make a fool of myself?” she kept on. Still. She went. She swallowed her nerves and fear, picked up her pipes and blew her heart out. That practice must have been a try-out, because the band’s Board has since invited her to be a part of the group. She is the ONLY woman. That’s worth repeating: she is the ONLY woman. Her dream of tomorrow became

real…today. I wish I could attach a sound-segment to my column so you could hear her belt out, “Oh Danny Boy,” or “Amazing Grace.” It’s fantastic. My pride is manufactured in goose bumps and tears. She tells me I’m her “Biggest fan.” I am. But—lucky for me—so are her grandchildren, Quinn [13], Patrick [11] and Harper [5], who are watching and cheering. And learning.

What have you always wanted to do…tomorrow?

Oftentimes, we shush ourselves by saying: “Oh, that ship has sailed...” or, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks...” That’s phooey.

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is a clean slate of chances. Oh yes, it’s tomorrow TODAY. Go with vigor in 2014.

Kathleen is a stay-at-home mom who serves on a number of community boards/committees, is active in church, kids’ school, and politics, and runs to sustain her own mental health! This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth-generation North Dakotan, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speech writer. Kathleen received a BS from The Pennsylvania State

HERE’S THE Proof!

After having 3 amazing children that keep me constantly busy, I had given up on how my body would look. I didn’t even recognize the person I saw in the mirror. I tried DVDs and exercise on my own, but I would never stick with it and in no time, I would fall back into my old bad habits. I did some research and decided to try a XaBeat class in January 2012. I was instantly hooked! Between the inspirators, the music, the warm welcome, and the awesome workout, I knew I had found the right place. After 10 months, I lost 62 pounds! I am more toned and in better shape than I’ve ever been. I think back to those early days of my rst classes. I literally hid behind the person in front of me. I think I would have laughed hysterically if someone told me that less than a year after starting that I would become an inspirator. I have met the most wonderful women in the XaBeat classes and I can only hope to inspire just one of them the way I have been inspired!

–Lori, FARGO MOM, WIFE, & INSPIRATOR

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

path of purpose shelley skarie

story by | patricia carlson

Ayoung girl enters the room. Her eyes are cast down, her long hair falls forward, offering a shield from potential unwanted stares. Her swollen belly reveals changes coming that require maturity beyond her years. Shelley Skarie sees the soon-to-be-young mother, gives her a warm smile and a kind rub on the back. The teenager makes eye contact with Shelley and knows there will be no shame or judgment given here. This place is different. Shelley truly knows how she feels because the pregnant teen is a reflection of Shelley herself.

path of purpose

This Minnesota girl became an international traveler early in her life. Her father, Darwin Soyring, an Evangelical pastor, took the entire family on many long missions across North and Central America offering tent revivals. Unlike some of the evangelists seen now with mega-churches and designer duds, this family grew up very modestly. Shelley and her three siblings shared hand-me-down clothes and had very little but always just enough. Her mom and dad had no savings, nor a checking account or credit cards, but there was an abundance of one thing.

“We always knew that our parents loved us,” says Shelley. “And we always felt that God was, and is, a huge part of our lives and that He would always take care of us.”

Sometimes the family’s travels were fun, like when Shelley [self-taught on the piano by age 9], her guitar-playing dad, and drum-beating brother performed together. Sometimes they were scary, like when the engine in the family’s bus blew in middle-of-nowhere Mexico. Shelley felt they were visited by an angel from God sent to protect the family while they slept in that broken-down bus.

“I really think those were some cool experiences,” Shelley says, looking back fondly on her unconventional upbringing. “Those times of my life have really shaped who I am.”

When Shelley turned 12 God called her father back to the Detroit Lakes area, where he founded a small church called Jesus Is Real Ministries. Darwin says he felt it was time to establish a permanent home for his children, and to start a church where the family could use their evangelistic experiences as a teaching opportunity to spread the positive word of God.

As the family put down roots, Shelley settled into life in junior high. She was an extremely bright kid who earned good grades. She was social, although a bit mature for her age, which she says is totally understandable, given her childhood. Shelley re-connected with one of her friends, Chris, who was the son of some good friends of her folks. Life was good. It was steady. It was solid. It was, for once, predictable.

Then it wasn’t.

the change

Shelley was 14 years old. She was pregnant. Chris was the father. They were scared, panicked.

“I knew exactly what we had done and the mistakes we made,” says Chris, humbly.

The young couple had no idea what to do. He took her to a clinic in Fargo. A counselor, fresh out of college, took Shelley’s hands. Gave them a squeeze. Comforted a scared, overwhelmed girl when she needed it most.

“She was so compassionate and caring,” remembers Shelley. “She took me to the doctor. She even offered to be there to help me tell my parents. For someone I didn’t even know to be able to make me feel okay was something I’ll never forget.”

Shelley was so intrigued with the counselor that she even asked what her college degree was in. “‘Child development and family science,’ she replied,” says Shelley, smiling at the memory. “I never forgot that.”

One weekend when Shelley was already five months pregnant, she and Chris mustered up the courage to tell their parents. She feared what her parents, especially her dad, would say. She expected him to be angry. Ashamed. Embarrassed. Disappointed. He indeed felt all of those things. Instead of those feelings driving them apart, their shared faith brought them closer.

“I felt disbelief, anger, and I cried, and then I remembered the word in Job 13:15, ‘though he slay me, yet will I trust in him,‘“ says Darwin.

Shelley relied on God and her family for help, just as she had been raised to do. “I was terrified on one hand, but on the other hand I knew I could handle it. God was there for me. Even though my dad’s a pastor, it was my choice. I don’t want people to think poorly of my parents. I made my own choices.”

By Monday the whole school knew. Before the end of the day Shelley was placed on “homebound,” where she would continue her schoolwork from home. The school and her parents felt this would limit distraction for Shelley as well as the other students and staff.

“Some teachers were very rude to me,” says Shelley, shaking her head. “What I needed most was support. Our families were very supportive, even if they didn’t wish this for us.”

the parents

On a Tuesday in January 1988, 14-year-old Shelley gave birth to her son, Justin. Although she received literature during her monthly appointments she still had no idea what labor would be like.

“Nobody really informed me or educated me on what was going to happen,” she says.

She brought Justin home on Saturday and was back in school the following Monday. She desperately wanted to be at home with her baby but her parents encouraged her to get back to her studies. Motherhood was not what Shelley had hoped. Reactions from schoolmates and teachers didn’t help.

“That first week was really hard,” she recalls. “The gossip and rumors. People just didn’t know what to say. But I adjusted with the help of friends, family and God,” Shelley says with a smile. Ultimately, though, Shelley decided to leave school to care for her baby.

Later that year Chris graduated high school early and began living on campus at NDSU. He visited Shelley and Justin when he could and called when he couldn’t.

“He put a lot of quarters in that pay phone,” chuckles Shelley. “I needed to talk to him, though. He’s one of my rocks.”

A year-and-a-half passed. Justin grew into a sweet toddler. Everything about their lives was different except for one thing: they were still together.

“It was challenging. We had friends tell us we wouldn’t make it,” says Shelley.

But the young man had proven himself. Once feeling Shelley and Chris weren’t mature enough to make it alone, Darwin relented and gave Chris permission to marry his daughter.

In the summer of 1989 Shelley [16] and Chris [19] exchanged their vows. They were ready to live life on their own terms and moved into married student housing at NDSU. Shelley was determined to earn her high school degree. She started taking correspondence courses, but realized getting her GED would allow her to reach her goal sooner. With diploma in hand, Shelley then put her dreams of earning a college degree on hold to raise Justin and support Chris. Money was tight. They received county assistance and food stamps. At times, it felt like taking a step backward. Not only did they make it, they become a stronger, tighter, more loving and supportive couple.

“Parenting, we found, has little to do with money, and it was a joy that didn't cost money. As a couple, we found a way to allow the other to be right, when they were right, and allow the other to be wrong when they were wrong,” he explains. “Being gracious to the other didn't cost any money either. I think we were able to persevere because we were both able to forgive and

path of purpose

forget, to say you are sorry, and to cover each other's mistakes. Ephesian 4:1-3 was an inspiration and not only did God work in our lives, but both of our parents served as excellent role models as to what a marriage could and should be."

Three years later they decided—with intention—to have a second child. Shelley was 19 and still a teenager, but she knew she was ready to continue her journey as a mom. The proud parents welcomed Jasmine, named after Chris’s beloved grandmother, in May 1992.

Shelley nannied other children and cared for Justin and Jasmine for a little over a year before, finally, enrolling full time at NDSU. After a few false starts with her major, a little voice from her past popped into her head. Perhaps it was a message from God or simply a moment of realization for Shelley, but she knew what her calling was. Shelley was going to major in child development and family science, just as that compassionate counselor who had first treated her had done.

“I realized I wanted to help people, other girls, because of what she did for me with my first pregnancy,” she explains. “Once I started taking classes, it felt so natural.”

She was extraordinarily good at it. Shelley graduated in the top five percent of her class with a 3.70 Grade Point Average. After following an unpredictable path for so long, Shelley was now in control of her dreams and destiny.

“My main goal in going to college was that if something happened to Chris or our relationship, I would always be able to provide for our kids. Not the government. Not my family. I wanted to be able to do it on my own,” she says firmly.

the visionary

An epidemic of teenage pregnancy swept our nation in the late 1980s and early 1990s, when there were 117 pregnancies for every 1,000 teen girls. Shelley was one of four girls in her high school to get pregnant so young.

At the time Minnesota recognized the issue and counseling and crisis agencies across the state formed Partners in Parenting programs, a support group for young parents that, to this day, provides education, parenting information, and support through weekly socialization groups. However, when Shelley was a senior at NDSU she did an internship at a crisis center in Detroit Lakes and saw that not much had changed from her experience as a teen mom.

“I remember feeling like there was no one like me,” says Shelley, explaining she felt alone, isolated, and judged during her pregnancy and subsequent return to school. “I really wanted someone who I could identify with.”

Intrigued by the work done at the crisis center, Shelley knew this was the path she wanted her career to follow. Soon after her college graduation, she was offered the Coordinator position for the Partners In Parenting program in Detroit Lakes. It was a perfect match for Shelley, who had just welcomed baby number three, Reece, into the family in October 1999. Shelley met

mostly with teen moms [although there were a few dads, too] and mentored them through their experiences. If anyone could identify with what these young girls were feeling, it was Shelley.

“I think anybody who can teach by example, show students that ‘I’ve been there, I’ve lived where you’ve lived, and I am now a successful parent, have a successful career, and I’m a positive influence in the community and I’ve found a way to contribute and give back to a population that struggles’—that’s a great teacher,” states Lisa Weber, principal of Detroit Lakes High School.

The Detroit Lakes Public Schools had an Independent Study program to help meet the needs of non-traditional

students, like teen moms, but the district found gaps in the system and decided to start an Area Learning Center.

“The Independent Study Program was a good first step but it was all on the students,” says Shelley. “ISPs work for very few people in the world, especially those struggling through a teenage pregnancy or for other circumstances such as needing to work and help the family with finances. When the district decided to start the ALC, they hadn’t thought about serving teen parents.”

Shelley had an idea. She asked her boss if she could draft up an alternative proposal.

Some participants are recovering from poor grades and need more individualized attention. Some need to keep their jobs and finish school. Some are pregnant. Some are new parents. Some have just returned from rehab. the mentor

Jena Fingalson felt scared and alone when she found out she was going to have a baby in 2007.

“I spent my senior year in high school with Shelley and attended all of her parenting activities. Shelley always

“What we needed was an Area Learning Center [ALC] seat-based program with a Teenage Parent Program component,” she explains. “No matter how much time we give it, or how hard we try to change things, teen pregnancies will always happen. It will never be acceptable, and I would prefer that there were less teen pregnancies, but we still needed to find a way to help these moms graduate high school.”

The school board approved her idea and also decided to incorporate a concept called ‘layered programming’ for students enrolled at the ALC. For example, pregnant teens not only take academic classes from regular core subject teachers, but they also participate in a daily parent education class and continue to be enrolled in Partners in Parenting as an after-school program.

The ALC offers schooling for up to 72 students at one time who need a nontraditional path toward graduation.

tried to have us think outside the box and wanted us to be great parents. Since she was a young mom, it was very easy to relate to her,” says Jena. “I remember thinking to myself, ‘I can’t wait to be a successful mother like she is.’ I even contemplated on a profession like Shelley’s. She is able to really mold a girl to be a great mother and I think that would be so rewarding.”

The Area Learning Center has been a resounding success, says Shelley. The program has graduated 20–30 students a year and Shelley has had at least two to four of her teen moms finish high school each year.

“Shelley has a commitment and a passion for early childhood education and parenting that helps her connect with her students in a way that maybe other people don’t or can’t,” explains Lisa. “She is sincere and genuine and her kids pick up on that. They believe

path of purpose

her when she tells them they have potential and their children have potential.”

Shelley proved to be the perfect role model for Jena, whose daughter, Aubrea, will be seven in April. Jena says not only did Shelley help prepare her for motherhood and the highs and lows that come with it, but she also helped guide her academically so she could graduate early and make a long-term plan for college. Today, Jena is completing her sixth year of college and studying for her Master’s degree.

“I honestly think every school should have a program available for teen moms. I was able to learn about pregnancy, babies, and parenting, and I had people around me that were in the same situation and I was able to relate with my classmates and my teacher,” states Jena. “Shelley was a godsend; I may not have realized as much back when I was in school, but now I truly feel like she helped me get through so much.”

On any given day Shelley plays many roles: educator, mentor, mom, friend. But most of all she wants her students to know that she understands what they’re feeling and that they, just like she did, can dream big. “I share my whole story with them. I want people to know that you can have challenges in life. You can be a teen mom. Or have a death in your family. Or come from nothing. You can overcome all those things. You just need to find something to rely on like your spirituality, area resources, your family, or me.”

the couple

If there is one thing this mother of three has learned about relationships, it’s that they take sacrifice. She sacrificed stability as a child so her dad and mom could pursue their evangelist calling. She sacrificed the freedom of her teenage years to be a mom. She sacrificed her education so Chris could finish his college degree first. But she also knows it’s all been worth it.

“You get married once,” she says. “You love them forever.”

As her career took off, so did Chris’s, but not in the way either of them imagined. Chris sought out, and was hired, as an engineer by an independent contractor and sent to one of the most prolific war zones in the world—Afghanistan.

“Shelley knows my heart, and every once in a while I find myself seeking out an adventure. Not a normal adventure, but darker, more daring than the average man,” he says. “The grace that she allowed for me to

accept this job—where she knew what the extreme separation was—was extraordinary.”

For three years Chris was gone as long as six months at a time. However, Chris’s job afforded the family a lifestyle neither of them grew up with, nor even imagined. Travel became a hobby. They have visited several European countries, and even spent Christmas in Paris, New Year’s Eve in Amsterdam, and taken the entire family to Cancun.

Although he was able to provide for his family in a way they’d never experienced before, the distance was tough. At times Shelley and Jasmine struggled to find common ground. Reece needed his dad.

“It all cascaded pretty quickly when Shelley and I started having long conversations on the phone figuring out how to help Reece spend more time with male role models,” says Chris.

So, in April 2012, Chris brought his time in Afghanistan to a close, returned home to continue his engineering profession and became a present dad and husband again.

the future

Even in today’s world, the odds are stacked against teen moms and Shelley continues to work tirelessly to help ease their stresses. In most cases these girls want to be good mothers and productive members of society; they just need someone to build up their confidence.

“It’s hard enough to be a mom at any age, but especially if you’re a teenage mom,” she explains. “These girls just need support once they’ve made the decision to have their babies. We need to help them rather than putting them down and making them feel ashamed. I remember very vividly what that feels like. Shouldn’t we try to help them be the best moms they can be?”

There is no doubt that the battle to erase that stigma is an uphill one, but Shelley also challenges us to think of the innocent life that is new to this world. How do we want that child to feel growing up? Do we want the pattern of poverty and self-loathing to continue? Or do we want to empower, support, and educate that child?

“That baby has no choice in the matter in how they were born or what circumstance they were born into,” she says. “I will do everything I can to support that baby.”

Shelley dreams of building a residential center for teen moms and their children, in addition to continuing her education and outreach through the public school

system. “I hear of these improper and unsafe living environments my moms and kids are in,” she says. “It’s nothing against their families, but I want to show these girls what it feels like to get love and give love in a healthy way. I want to show them how you make a meal, how to clean a house, how to have a budget, and how you bond with your infant. I’d love to show them that they’re all special and worth something.”

If her own kids are any indication, Shelley is a remarkable mom. Justin is married and has two daughters. Jasmine and her husband welcomed a baby girl one year ago. And Reece is a typical 14-year-old who craves independence but isn’t willing to let go of the warm embrace of his parents.

“I know that I can speak for my siblings when I say that we are forever thankful for what my mother and father have done for us already and for the excellent grandparents they immediately became,” says Justin. “They are amazing role models and I recognize their success in me as a parent frequently.”

path of purpose

At 40, Shelley Skarie is proud of the daughter, mom, grandmother, teacher, and mentor she’s become. And she’s not nearly finished yet.

As her father says, Shelley is a doer. “What she learns she applies immediately,” he says proudly. “So she doesn't just listen and learn but applies that which she learns.”

There is no doubt that Shelley’s story is just beginning.

“People look at me today and think I have this perfect life,” says Shelley, dressed in trendy jeans and sporting gorgeously coiffed brown hair and a glittery manicure. “But they have no idea about my story. It’s proof that you can be whoever you want to be despite your challenges.”

What do you get when you mix a full-time freelance writer with a 1-year-old girl, two cats, a dog, a husband who works evenings, a house that needs picking up and nearly a dozen publications and clients who need their deadlines met? Welcome to Patricia Carlson’s life. She is an award-winning journalist whose work spans magazines, television, radio, newspapers and the internet. She has produced, written, edited and directed programs for ESPN Radio, History Channel and Hallmark Channel. And she hosts customized media training workshops for groups like the North Dakota National Guard. You can view her work at www. patriciacarlsonfreelance.com

ready, set, grow

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

technotango

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

Imagine, if you will, the “olden days.” A time when telephones hung snugly in place, tethered to that funny looking plug in the wall, with the only function being to speak to another person. A time when every home didn’t contain a device that could easily regurgitate a multitude of data ranging from a recipe for chicken cacciatore, to diaper rash remedies, to a disease diagnosis based on your irrational interpretation of that day’s events. A time when you had to have actual physical contact with a member of the human race for them to know you cleaned your closets, ate lunch at Subway, hate temperatures below zero degrees and above 90, or that you were simply having a bad day. No technology…shudder! No smartphone, internet, google, social media…blasphemy you say! Technology is here to stay and there is no doubt it’s had an impact on parenting. Good or bad…that is the question. Let’s take a look at the world of technology as we cruise through Mamaville!

[0–18 months]

You want to do this mama thing right. The way “they” say it should be done. You don’t want to have one of those bratty kids you see at the grocery store freaking out while his mama is prying him from the cart/toy car contraption. So you do your research. You follow your blogs. You keep up on the latest trends…and start to feel completely overwhelmed and inadequate! Who are these people anyway? They don’t know you! Oh, dear… you might have a case of internet-overload.

don’t know…google it

We live at a wonderful time where information is just a click away. Information can educate us, comfort us, enlighten us, and yes, overload us. When it comes to internet use related to parenting, here are some things to keep in mind:

• let me tell ya doc When something just isn’t right with our wee one’s health, it’s not surprising that we turn to our friend Google for some advice. Just make sure you are gathering information from reliable resources and then take your concerns, wee one, and new-found knowledge to your trusted physician.

• enough already I don’t care if you’re talking about potato chips, Downton Abbey, shopping, or the internet; moderation is always best practice. Don’t become completely reliant on the internet to shape your parenting. Misinformation or even information you don’t want to know can seep into your mind space and cause unneeded concern. Have your filter on and remember you’ve been given this wonderful internal compass called instincts…trust them before the internet!

in a 2013 Babycenter study, 46% of mamas admitted being addicted to their smartphone

Our smartphones really are amazing. In reality they’re compact computers with the ability make phone calls. We can surf the internet, text, check Facebook, watch a movie, send a tweet, receive emails, and do a bunch of other stuff that I’m sure I don’t even know how to do! With everything our phone can do, it’s no surprise how uncomfortable it feels when you forget it somewhere. But is that a good thing? Could your smartphone be affecting your parenting?

did you hear that

For our tots, technology is always there and it’s our duty to model proper techno use. Smartphones offer us the opportunity/burden to be ever-connected and distracted. Our tot wants nothing more than our attention, so don’t let your actions portray your smartphone taking

priority over everything else. Keep your smartphone in check with these tips:

• perspective Guess what? You don’t have to react every time your phone rings/beeps/dings/chirps. While the convenience of having your emails, texts, and phone calls easily accessible can make it feel like every connection requires our immediate attention, that isn’t true. The majority of smartphone chirps don’t represent life and death situations. The phone can wait, especially when you’re in the car or spending time with your tot.

• do as I do Like it or not, your tot is always watching. Our actions model his interpretation of what is considered normal/appropriate behavior. So don’t let him think that smartphone is the most important thing in your life. Put it down…often!

ready set

in a parent study conducted by the Center on Media and Human Development at Northwestern University, 37% said they're likely to turn to a smartphone or tablet to distract their kiddos while cooking dinner, and 17% said they had relied on mobile devices to pacify an upset child

preschoolers [3–5 years]

Pssst…FYI…technology is going nowhere. Yep, it’s here to stay. Resistance is futile. So embrace it and do that parenting/teaching part of your mama job description.

everybody’s doing it

I’m not sure why I continue to be amazed when a preschooler [or younger kiddo for that matter] grabs a mobile device and starts using it like a high-powered CEO. For this generation, cell phones, computers, and tablets are as common as turning on a light switch. Time for us to make sure technology is more than just Angry Birds for our preschooler with these how-to tips:

• worldwide web walk Sure there are parental controls, apps, and software, such as Net Nanny [www.netnanny.com] you can use to help keep the dark side of the internet away from your preschooler,

but the best filter at this age is Y-O-U! When your preschooler is on the internet, be there with them.

• tic-tock Now is the time to establish appropriate internet and mobile device usage time. Let your preschooler know how long he has and when time is up, it’s off. This will set the standard that internet usage isn’t a free-for-all. There are limits.

• fun times The internet and app stores are full of fun and knowledge, so find the games, apps, and websites that appeal to your preschooler and make them easily accessible.

• be there In today’s technology saturated world, it’s easy to be distracted by the constant stream of data coming from every direction. Make it a point to unplug yourself and give your undivided attention to your preschooler. Guaranteed you won’t regret it.

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set grow

big kids [6–9 years]

He is doing well in school. Plays hockey and baseball. Oh, and there is Spanish club, too. Maybe he does need a cell phone, for safety's sake. So he could call if he needs me...right?

don’t call me, i’ll call you

It seems like everyone has a cell phone stuck to the side of their head. And when I say everyone, I mean pretty much anyone who can recognize the difference between a six and nine on the key pad. Cell phone users are becoming younger and younger, but is it the right time for your big kid? Consider these tips when deciding yea or nay on the kiddo cell phone:

• not just talking Remember that many cell phones do a lot more than talk these days. There is lots of

info that can be consumed from texts and email and internet downloads. Our big kids are technology savvy. If you have concerns that that savviness is greater than their ability to understand and follow the rules you establish, delay that cell phone.

• wait a minute If you decide a cell phone is reasonable for your big kid, great! It doesn’t mean he has to have the biggest, best, hottest model on the shelves. There is nothing wrong with a barebones model that he can speak into and hear those speaking back. And don’t fall into the “but everyone else has blah” trap.

a Kent State University study of college students found high frequency cell phone users tended to have lower GPA, higher anxiety, and lower satisfaction with life relative to their peers who used cell phones less often

tweeners [10–12 years]

Have you heard of this new fandangled “social media?”

It’s quite the rage among the young folk. They can interact with friends without even seeing the whites of their eyes! Can you believe it? Seems so innocent, so productive. What could go wrong?

the power of a tweet

Like many things in our tweener’s life, if you wait until they ask questions or a problem presents itself, you’re too late! Even if he doesn’t have an account or access to any social media sites, odds are pretty likely he knows what they are. So set the rules and expectations now for proper social media usage:

• not my tweener While 13 is the magic age of users permitted on most every social networking site,

that doesn’t guarantee your tweener isn’t on these sites without your knowledge. Let’s face it, your “new math” wiz can easily figure out a birthdate that grants him access. Establish the age that he is allowed to use such sites and do your due diligence by checking his computer and mobile devices to make sure he hasn’t been accessing them. And be prepared to hand out consequences if unauthorized usage is found.

• i’m watching Not into Facebook, Twitter, yada yada yada? Too bad! Get an account so you know what is happening and can keep a watchful eye on the kiddos and make sure their privacy settings are correct.

• do onto others Once you have a young social media user under your roof, make it very clear that unkind behavior via his account[s] of any kind will not be tolerated. Social media can provide a sense of anonymity where users say things they would never do in person. Let your tweener know that if he wouldn’t say it directly to someone’s face, don’t post it! And if your tweener is being unkind via social media, nip it in the bud immediately!

sources: parents.com | mashable.com | babycenter.com parenting.com | huffingtonpost.com | sciencedaily.com babygooroo.com | sheknows.com | envisionmedia360.com facebook.com

the average user spends 1 hour 17 minutes on Pinterest, 36 minutes on Twitter, and 12.1 minutes on Facebook

As your teen gets closer to the edge of nest and prepares to make his swan dive into the great adventure of adulthood, you can breathe a sign of relief knowing technology will transcend the miles. You can text, call, email, Skype, check in on Facebook and Twitter…it will be wonderful! You and your teen will have the opportunity to connect everyday…whenever you want…or he doesn’t want!

mama knows…gasp!

OK, I love my mom. For sure! But, I am very glad there was no such thing as Facebook for the four-to-five year span starting the Fall of 1991 when I went to college! My mama was on a strict “need to know basis.” And frankly, I’m sure she was fine with that too. But one thing was for sure, at a minimum, I called home every Wednesday and Sunday night. As your teen enters adulthood, consider these guidelines to keep your communication consistent, but not overbearing:

• listen here mama The tables are turning and it’s time for some ground rules for you, especially when it comes to social media. One teen will welcome his mama befriending him and his buddies on Facebook while the other would rather stab a pencil in his eye! Ask him what he’s comfortable with and respect it!

• stay out of it Sure, you could communicate with your teen all the time. That doesn’t mean you should. As your teen ventures out on his own, he is going to be growing and really finding out who he is. Give him some space. You don’t need to comment on every post or tweet he makes, but if you have any concerns about his behavior, do so in a private message or phone call. You’re going to get nowhere fast with a Facebook wall post reprimanding him for staying out too late the night before a test. Not cool, mama!

Facebook found that 65% of initial friend requests between 13 year olds and their parents are initiated by the kiddo, but for kiddos in their early to mid-20's this number drops to 40%

real romance

story by | deb uglem

The month of love is upon us. Cupid is armed and ready with his bow and arrow and everywhere you look there are red and pink hearts. Some [mostly men] call this a Hallmark Holiday, but it does have history on its side. One account states that Valentine was a daring priest who would perform marriages for young lovers even though Roman Emperor Claudius II had outlawed marriage for young men. He claimed that single men made better soldiers than those with wives. Obviously, Claudius II did not coin the phrase, “Behind every great man there is a great woman.” For you history buffs, I’m not entirely sure where that one came from but for what it is worth I do remember it in the 1985 Eurythmics’ song, "Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves." Anyway, when Claudius II discovered that Valentine was performing marriages he sentenced Valentine to death. That’s right, Valentine literally died for love. Those are some tough shoes to fill.

I asked my husband what he remembers as his favorite Valentine’s Day. He answered with, “Are you serious?” And then he began rubbing his temples as if he were contemplating whether he should watch a hockey game or the golf channel. You know what I mean: he was

digging deep. I assumed he was struggling to pinpoint his favorite.

If only Valentine’s Day was still as carefree and enjoyable as it was during grade school. Remember when you exchanged cards with everyone and you would execute the perfect plan to make sure that special someone received the “be mine” sweetheart candy heart. Those were the days when you could profess your love through a single piece of candy. But times are changing. My hubby and I have certainly advanced from this stage, but I do remember my days of Valentine’s past. My husband was good at the Valentine thing. I would receive cards, chocolate, jewelry, and, on occasion, unmentionables. We would make dinner reservations almost a week in advance! We were crazy-great planners back then and it was fun. I still like to believe I am a romantic at heart, but now my definition of romance has taken a turn. A 180-degree turn, to be exact.

Today I see romance in the craziest places and none of them have anything to do with Valentine’s Day. For example, if it’s Friday and the garbage is on the curb my heart skips a beat. If the hubby’s towel is hung up I go weak in the knees and I’m telling you, if I catch him unloading the dishwasher, well, let’s just say he

is probably getting lucky. Not to mention I think it’s kind of hot that he pretends not to notice the couple extra pounds I seem to be carrying. I can only hope he is noticing the same type of romance in my daily actions. I really don’t want to say the words but I will. Our romance has entered a comfort zone. Wait, scratch that. I would rather say we have gotten cozy—it seems to sound just a little bit sexier.

I am not sure when we got cozy in love. Maybe it was the Saturday morning when I was in a ponytail and no makeup and he said you look great let’s go out to breakfast. Or the day when staying in and watching a movie in sweatpants became fun. Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting [nor will I be a victim of] complacency in a relationship, and I refuse to give up on the romantic fairytale. I would simply like to point out that romance for us isn’t all chocolates and candles. It can be watching television separately or changing a light bulb. I still cry at romantic comedies and I love getting flowers for no reason. But I am telling you, it was quite romantic when he put gas in my car last week

when it was 20 below. Funny how these little normal things feel so unbelievable when you are in love. So if during this month of Cupid you don’t get showered with gifts, then relish in the “romantic” gestures around you—along with, of course, dropping some hints for next February 14.

Oh, by the way. . .my husband did answer that question. His favorite Valentine’s Day was the year that I gave him some silky heart boxer shorts. It was so long ago and now whenever he wears them I laugh because I know he’s out of underwear. And he just loves when I do laundry. And there you have it: a match made in heaven—he’s a romantic at heart, too. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Raised in Finley, ND, Deb has called Moorhead her home for the last 11 years. A graduate from Drake University in Des Moines, IA, with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications, she is currently Communications Director for Wanzek Construction. Deb welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings and thanks her children Jake [19], Tony [18], Nick [18] and Emily [16] for inspiration. Deb and her husband Tim like to spend their free time running in several directions with kids and on the golf course.

No one will ever know the strength of my love for you . After all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside .

photo: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

MONTH

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