The Hilarian 2nd Edition 2020

Page 30

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TUTE PART TWO OF QUENTIN TARANTINO’S ONCE UPON A TIME IN…LIGERTWOOD Despite the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, and apparently a wild earthquake that shook all of LA twitter to its core, our friends at The Hollywood Hilarian have delivered once again and provided us with another excerpt from Quentin Tarantino’s much-anticipated swan song to cinema: Once Upon A Time In…Ligertwood. In this instalment, it appears that the film is tackling courtroom drama, a new arena for him as most of the criminals in his universe seem to inexplicably get off scot-free. To assist in this new endeavour, it appears this portion of the script has been script-doctored by none other than Aaron Sorkin of The West Wing fame. Sorkin is no-stranger to the courtroom drama, and seems to be drawing on some of his earliest material, A Few Good Men, widely regarded as one of the most acclaimed courtroom dramas of all time, despite much of it originally being written on cocktail napkins when Sorkin worked as a bartender.

The Courtroom is packed with law students, eager to get a glimpse of the proceedings that have gripped the law school for the past weeks. Student media have the cameras rolling. The defence lawyers sit back in their chairs smugly, thinking they have the case in the bag. At the plaintiff’s table, Matty StubbyHolder and Steve ‘The Commodore’ Dales (Royal Australian Navy (Retd.) try to stifle their nervous energy probably brought on by too many coffees from St. Raph’s. Steve: Matty, I don’t know what more we can do. What else am I supposed to do except impart my hands-on however-irrelevant knowledge of military and legal combat to the next generation? Matty: Look Steve, it was always gonna be a fucking tough case. We’ve given it our all, but against the combined forces of the Law School Administration it was always gonna be difficult.

So without further ado, here is the second instalment of Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon A Time In Ligertwood: You Can’t Handle The Tute. Steve: I guess so, I just hope the Navy will take me back then. INT: a courtroom, possibly in the Sir Samuel Way Building on Victoria Square, but more Suddenly, Steve is struck by a legal bolt of likely to be Piper Alderman Moot Court in the lightning, obviously recognisable to Matty Ligertwood Building. and the defence, who for the first time in the trial have a moment of doubt flash across their faces. Steve: I think I’ve got something. Matty: What is it?

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