AS A KID MY MUM MADE ME DO CHORES AND THAT’S TOTALLY CHILD SLAVERY, SLAVERY, SO I’M BECOMING A LAWYER TO SUE HER. HERE’S MY STORY: Words by Luke Zounis
I used to do all my chores without question. Dishes, vacuuming and washing the car were all regular occurrences. And I was damn good at all the things I had to do. That didn’t mean I wanted to do them, however. How dare my mum try to ruin my six-hour Need for Speed session. But then one day in year nine changed my life forever. Halfway through year nine my homeroom teacher retired and was replaced by a moronic devil spawn of a teacher. This she-demon would always tell me off for talking, but her being a demonic being, I didn’t think she was aware of our laws. So, one day I found the UN Rights of a Child and found I had a right to free speech. I informed her of this, and she didn’t tell me off for the rest of the semester. Amazed at how well this worked out, I was borderline drunk on my newfound power. I wondered if there was a way I could get out of all the housework I had to do. So once again I consulted with my new best friend the UN. And guess what? I found out that child slavery was illegal. ILLEGAL! Imagine my disgust when I found out. Instead of confronting mother dearest I plotted ways to get my revenge. Murder? Too drastic. Run away from home? Ditto. And then it hit me. Sue her. Become a lawyer and sue her for every penny she has. Turns out my grand plan also had another benefit – getting mum off my back about my future career. She was very supportive of my newfound career choice, thinking it much better than being an engineer like I originally wanted to be. For the rest of my time in high school I dedicated myself to getting into law. And now here I am. Learning how to do all the law stuff, I will soon get my revenge. Just like I did on that she-demon in year nine.
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