Wide Open Wonderment
written by Rachel Dube
MOTHERHOOD TRENCHES I’m hopeless and helpless And almost drowning In toddler screams And crumby floors In unfolded laundry and dirty dishes In rolling eyes and slamming doors. My head is barely above the water I keep swallowing the crashing waves Of unkind words and stealing toys Of tears and schoolwork And just way too much noise. The waves seem to never stop crashing I gasp for air and struggle not to sink In questions I can’t answer In arguments, in requests, In the baby spitting her food and throwing her drink. I squeeze my eyes closed to shut in the tears I hold my head in my fingers to push back the thoughts Of imagining what more I could have done with these years. How bad could it be if I gave up? Or gave away my position? And found a place to send these kids Especially the one with the anger condition? What will become of me in this storm, that seems intent to destroy? I have no smiles, no patience No tenderness or joy. I am tattered and torn up and washed up on shore Oh, how I feel my failings Yet, why God, do you keep entrusting me with more? Mothers truly battle in the trenches Our entrusted task is certainly war But our battle is not against the flesh and blood of our children But against the enemy trying to get his foot in the door. The enemy is one who waits and lurks Who targets our families as he wanders the earth Seeking to steal from us all God has given To destroy all the Father desires to build And kill all God has or desires to birth. 64
