April 2023

EDITORS

LAYOUT & DESIGN

DESTINIE MARKETING DIRECTOR

ASHLYN MULTIMEDIA DIRECTOR

MEG EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT

DAN & LACY, THE SWING NATION

JEFF & ERYNN, SWINGER SOCIETY

NICOLE OPERATIONS

CHRISTINA JES

CASEY KALI POPPUNKPINEAPPLE

SUZI CAT

ILDTRUST THEY

The person whose trust was broken needs to be The person whose trust was broken needs to be able to communicate how and why they felt that able to communicate how and why they felt that way, and in what ways it can be made right. way, and in what ways it can be made right.

DEARANONYMOUS

Trust is the core foundation in any relationship and even more so in ENM When trust is broken, it can be devastating! The good news is it can generally be rebuilt with time, patience, and communication from all parties involved I would first suggest looking at why and how the trust was broken

Have a conversation with each other and see what the reasoning was for the deceit (or whatever it was that resulted in the loss of trust), and figure out what and how to go about rebuilding the trust Each situation is unique and each person may need something different to help them be able to trust again. The key to success here is communicating

The person whose trust was broken needs to be able to communicate how and why they felt that way, and in what ways it can be made right This may not always be clear and may take time to figure out what is needed, but communicating that to the partner that broke the trust is vital

The partner that broke the trust needs to be open, understanding, and willing to work with their partner to remedy the situation, IF that is something they are wanting as well.

For crossing a boundary, It may be best to sit down and talk about why that boundary was crossed. Was it done with intent, or in the heat of the moment? Identifying this can help you navigate how to approach the breaking of trust and what may need to change moving forward. If it was in the heat of the moment, consider putting up some safeguards before that is ever crossed again. These are things to help prevent that boundary from being crossed in the heat of the moment.

They act as speed bumps if you will to remind of the upcoming boundary If it was intentional, that is a very different conversation One which will require deeper diving and lots more conversation to figure out the reason for that boundary being crossed. In both instances, being able to effectively communicate AND understand your p ome and rebuild

Defining Defining

DUNGEON? DUNGEON? DUNGEON? SO YOU WANT TO VISIT A

Let me be the first to say, “Welcome to the dark side!”

The decision to visit a dungeon should not be takenlightly.Ihighlyrecommendbeforemoving forward that you go back to all previous issues of ALT LIFE and read the kink section. Rest assured, there are tidbits of information there that will help make sense of some things this articlediscusses.BDSM,kinkandswinging,while both under the umbrella of alternative lifestyles, are vastly different. Many different terms, rules, boundaries, etc. are equally different. To visit a dungeonwithoutatleastabasicunderstanding will lead to a potentially poor experience, not only for you but potentially for the other patrons ofthespaceyouvisit.

Who attends BDSM dungeons?

Every walk of life can be found in a public dungeon – from a stay-at-home parent to a predominant political official and everything in between. The important thing to note is that discretion is important to almost everyone that attends, therefore you are expected to act accordingly.

What is a BDSM dungeon?

BDSM dungeons are simply spaces that cater to those that practice BDSM. In most major cities, you can find spaces that are open to the public (with membership) but it is possibletofinddungeonsthatservea professional community, where you could pay for the services of a Dominant/Dominatrix. You can also find private dungeons, but typically youwillonlyfindthoseifyouknowthe person that owns the space – those events are usually closed and attendance is by invite only. For the purposeofthisarticle,wewillfocuson thepublicspaceswithinthedungeon.

Where can I find a BDSM dungeon?

BDSM dungeons are simply spaces that cater to those that practice BDSM. In most major cities, you can find spaces that are open to the public (with membership) but it is possibletofinddungeonsthatservea professional community, where you could pay for the services of a Dominant/Dominatrix. You can also find private dungeons, but typically youwillonlyfindthoseifyouknowthe person that owns the space – those events are usually closed and attendance is by invite only. For the purposeofthisarticle,wewillfocuson thepublicspaceswithinthedungeon.

When can I visit a dungeon?

BBDSMdungeonsoperatesimilarlyto swingersclubs–typicallyfocusedon weekends, with some limited availability during the week as well. Each dungeon sets its hours, pricing, andrequirementsforattendance.Itis important to note that some dungeonssetasidecertainnightsfor certain age demographics or certain types of BDSM, therefore planning and awareness of the space you are visitingareofutmostimportance. Additionally, many dungeons require vetting in advance of your attendance. Vetting can mean any numberofdifferentthingsdepending on the dungeon, and again – you needtoinquireaboutwhereyouplan tovisit.However,ifvettingisrequired, you most likely will need to do some additional work in advance of your visit such as completing a membership application, having a known local BDSM community member vouch for you, and even possibly be required to attend a specificvettingeventinadvance. You will be required to sign in and complete any of the processes that couldn’t be completed in advance. ThisincludesverificationofID,signing of waivers, completion of membership forms, and collecting themembershipanddoorfees.

Be sure to know what those are in advanceandwhatformsofpayment areaccepted.

I highly recommend taking a tour, if nothing else to help get a lay of the land – what is considered social space? What is considered play space? Is there a separate space for aftercare? Knowing this in advance cansaveyoufrombeinginthewrong space,anddoingthewrongthings!

Every walk dungeon of life can be found in a public

Do’s And Don’ts

Don’t

Touch anyone or anything without explicit consent – that means toys, people, everything.Thisseemsobvious,butyouwouldbesurprisedatthetimesthissimple boundaryiscrossed.DONOTBETHATPERSON.Consentisaguidingprincipleinthe BDSM lifestyle and even if you don’t understand BDSM, this one thing should be a given.IfyouweretoaskthoseintheBDSMlifestylewhattheywishswingerswould understandwhentheycomeoverintotheBDSMworldisthatCONSENTMATTERS.As apersonthatwalksbothlines,Icanassureyouthatwhilewedopreachconsenton theswingersideofthecoin–fartoomanypeopledon’twalkthewalkandWENEED TODOBETTER

Goitalone.Findafriend,setupasafecall,andmaybeevenattendsomeotherless intenseeventsinadvanceandmeetothersfromthelocalBDSMscene.

Yuckotherpeople’syum!Ifit’snotforyou,that’sokay.Movealong.Thereisnoneed to discuss it or tell someone why you don’t like it. We are all in the space for an experience, and your adversity to an experience that someone else finds to be a turn-onisn’tgoingtohelpanyone.

Ask questions. HOWEVER, please refrain from disrupting a scene. Wait until the scene has ended and the person with whom you would like to speak with has finishedanyend-of-sceneresponsibilitieswhichcouldincludestoringimplements, sanitizing the play space, and administering or receiving any aftercare. A good point of reference is to wait until you see them interact with others outside of the scene. It is also important to note if you are attempting to interact with the submissive/bottomofascene–theymayormaynothavepermissiontospeakto youinreturn.

Be aware of your surroundings and avoid being disruptive. Walking near a scene that is underway might seem as if it is not a problem, but if the Dominant/Top is wieldingawhipandyouenduphit–well,thatisyourfault.Also,loudconversations nearanactivescenearefrownedupon.Takeyourconversationstothespacesthat aresetasidespecificallyforsocialization–thedungeonISNOTIT.

What do I wear?

FAQs

When in doubt, wear black! However, you could be adventurous and wear lingerie, corsets, or even leather/latexfetishwear.Restassuredyouwillfindall sortsofattirerepresentedinadungeon.Regardlessof whatyouchoose,dresstoimpressandmakesureto havegoodhygiene–thesespacesaren’talwayslarge orwell-ventilated!

Is there security? How do you monitor the space?

Manypeoplewillenteradungeonspaceandwonderhowitispossibletomonitor sincemanyoftheactivitieselicitresponsesofscreaming,crying,etc.WithintheBDSM community,safewordsarecommonlydiscussedinadvanceofascene.Manypeople use“yellow”and“red”aswordstoconveywheretheyareandwhetherornotthey needascenetopauseorend.Ifverballycommunicatingasafewordisn’tpossible then some non-verbal cue is typically discussed in advance. Ultimately, the Dominant/Topisresponsibleforlistening/watchingthesubmissive/bottomtoensure thattheyarewithintheirboundaries.However,therearealsodungeonmonitorsthat arepatrollingtheentirespaceandwillinterruptscenesiftheyappeartobeexceeding acertainthresholdorifconsentbecomesquestionable.Thesedungeonmonitorsare typicallyalsotrainedinCPRandothermedicalresponsemethods.

Ifyouwitnesswhatyoudeemtobeanunusuallyaggressivesceneandthedungeon monitorsarenotintervening,itislikelythatthisparticularscenewasnegotiatedand communicatedwiththeminadvance.Undernocircumstancesshouldyouintervene inascene,butinsteadmakethedungeonmonitoraware.

Do I have to participate? Do I have to get naked?

PlayisnotarequirementtoattendaBDSMdungeon.And whether you play or not, getting naked is not a requirement.Thesetwothingsareuptoeachindividual.

How do I learn to do some of these things, like flogging or whipping or tying someone up?

ABDSMdungeonisnottheidealspacetolearn–thesespacesareforthosepeople thatalreadyhaveaskillsetandneedthespacetouseit.Instead,youshouldseekout educationalopportunitiesinyourarea.Again,thebestwaytoconnectwiththese opportunities is through Fetlife. In some instances, the dungeon will sponsor an eveningofeducationalopportunities.However,byandlarge,thatisnothowthespace isintendedtobeused.Ifyouseesomeonethatisdoingsomethingyouparticularly wanttolearn,youmightaskthem(whentheyarenotinthemidstofascene)where tolooklocally.

FAQs

How do I find someone to play with?

Again,findingsomeonethesamenightyouvisitforthe firsttimeisnotidealandmaynotbesafe.Vettingplay partnersshouldbeanimportantpartofyourjourney–so, asking questions like, “are they considered safe withinthecommunity”or“dotheyhonorboundariesand safewords”arekeyconversationstohavewithothers. Gettingtoknowothersinthelocalcommunitywillserve youwellifyouarelookingforplaypartners.Again,this alludes to getting active in other facets outside the dungeonandFetlifecanleadyoutothoseopportunities.

Freaking out and thinking this might not be for you after all?

Doesthissoundlikeitmightbemorethanyouarereadyfor?Considerfindingalocal munch(BDSMtermforvanillaMeet&Greet)andmeetotherkinkyfolksinyourarea. Theycanguideyouonplacestogo,andplacestoavoidandcanevenassistin vettingyoushouldtheneedarise.

InAtlantaIwouldventuretoguessthattherearetypicallyatleast2–5munchesa weekwithinthemetroarea.Thesecatertogeographicareas,specifictypesofkink, etc.Theyaretypicallyheldonthesameday/timemonthly(i.e.thethirdThursday).If youglancethroughFetlifeyouwillfindthemeasily.Munchesaretypicallyheldin restaurantsandbars,arecompletelyvanilla(don’tarriveinfetishwear,itistypically frownedupon!)andareagreatwaytomeetotherpeopleinthearea.Attendinga munchtypicallyallowsyoutohearannouncementsaboutotherlocaleventstoo–andmaybeevenmeettheeventhosts!

DISCLAIMER

Muchlikeswingeventsgetlabeledas“cliquish” – the BDSM community can very easily be labeled similarly. I would encourage you to realizethatyouareanewpersonenteringan established community where all know one another to a certain degree. Interaction and timearekeytohavingthebestexperience.If youarenaturallyawallflower,youwillneedto pushyourboundariesabitandgetoutofyour comfortzone–orelse,youmightleavewithout meeting people that will change your kinky world!

Umm, what was that popping sound?!?

BY ANGELA STOEHR, MD FACOG

Most of us at some point have heard stories

Most of us at some point have heard stories

Most of us at point have heard of a broken dick. But, can it really happen? of a broken dick. But, can it really happen? of a broken dick. But, can it really happen?

Can someone fracture their penis? The answer is, sort of... and it’s a surgical emergency. Let me explain and give all the details.

Penises can’t actually fracture because they don’t have any bones in them. What is happening when someone “breaks their dick" is a little more nuanced. The penis has two column-like chambers that fill with blood when aroused to create an erection. They are called the corpora cavernosa. These two structures are covered in a lining of sorts called the tunica albuginea which is what holds the blood in the tubes. A penis “fracture" is when that lining is torn, allowing the blood to leak out of the columns.

How does this happen? It’s not just with rough sex, actually. It’s most common when the vagina owner is on top, the penis is erect and slips out of the vagina, and then vagina owner continues to thrust. The penis gets “caught" on the pubic bone and the pressure on the erect penis causes it to bend, tearing open the tunica albuginea. It can also happen with any blunt force directly to the penis during an erection, like running into a door in a dark room, or rolling over just the wrong way.

This can happen at any age, but is more common in younger penis owners as their erections are typically naturally stronger and the tunica is tauter. However, with any type of medical use to encourage erections, this risk would be about the same (think tri-shots or Cialis).

There are a few things that happen with a broken dick.

First, there is often a popping sound, akin to hearing a bone break. It may be heard by other people in the room, but sometimes is just “felt" by the penis owner. It hurts, like, a LOT. That pain may abate a little after the initial pop, but may get worse over time as well.

There is IMMEDIATE loss of the erection, as the blood creating it is now flowing out of the tubes and into the outer layers of the penis and scrotum.

The blood then causes bruising of the penis and rather impressive swelling of the scrotum in some cases (grapefruit size or larger).

The penis will sometimes bleed a bit from the tip if the blood leaks into the urethra.

Diagnosis is pretty easy but does require a trip to the ER. If you ever think you’ve broken your penis you HAVE to go to the ER. I know it may be embarrassing, but the ER docs have seen and done it all and know how to handle this kind of thing gracefully. You’ll get either an ultrasound or an MRI of the penis to confirm the blood is leaking.

If the penis is indeed “broken", this needs emergency surgery to prevent complications with future erections. The surgical repair is done under general anesthesia - so you’re completely “out". The surgeon will then stitch the tunica albuginea where it is torn. Long term complications of a penile fracture include difficulty with erections, pain with erections, and a permanent bend in the penis when erect. Most of these are mild especially if it is taken care of immediately.

Understanding Understanding jealousy jealousy

all of these terms are synonyms for one term: Jealousy.

What does it mean to be

jealous?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines jealous as being “hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage.” You more than likely have found yourself on one end of a jealousy battle at some point in your life. Perhaps you were upset at work that your teammate who has been at the company for a lesser time than you received a promotion. Maybe you purchased a new car and heard people whispering about you “showing off” when you drove it home for Thanksgiving. The truth is, jealousy comes in many shapes and forms, at different times throughout our lives. It is found in romantic and sexual relationships and can sometimes lead to negative outcomes.

Now that we have defined what it means to be jealous and read through some examples, how do we keep jealousy out of our lives and the LS? We can begin by discussing the root causes of jealousy. Psychology Today includes low self-esteem, high neuroticism, feeling possessive of others, and fear of abandonment as key motivators. These feelings may often come from past experiences, ex: being cheated on by your spouse may cause you to feel jealous of your new partner’s best friend who spends a lot of time with your partner.

A 2013 study led by Hasse Walum of the Karolinska Institute in Sweden set out to determine if there were gender differences when it came to romantic jealousy.

Participants were asked about the following two hypothetical scenarios:

Sexual jealousy

"You suspect that while your boyfriend/girlfriend was on vacation s/he had a one-night stand. You realize that even if s/he did have sex with this other person, they will probably never see each other again. How upset do you think you would feel if this happened?’”

Emotional jealousy

""You suspect that while your boyfriend/girlfriend was on a trip s/he fell in love with someone else. You realize that even if s/he did develop these feelings, s/he will probably never see this other person again. How upset do you think you would feel if this happened?’”

They were asked to answer the questions along a 10-point scale from 1 (not at all) to 10 (extremely).

The Team’s research discovered that men reported greater jealousy when it came to sexual infidelity, and women graded higher on jealousy for emotional infidelity.

This study helped provide evidence that men and women process infidelity and jealousy differently which is in line with previous studies showing the link between evolutionary behaviors of mating, such as monogamy, marriage, and separation with their correlation to jealous emotions.

p , however, because it works! Taking time to discuss any feelings of jealousy, uneasiness, negativity, lack of selfconfidence, etc. will provide an opportunity to help determine the root cause of the emotion.

Building and maintaining trust also helps with fighting off feelings of jealousy. If you or your partner(s) are finding jealousy to be an ongoing issue or something difficult to talk through with positive results, a licensed therapist may be a good option. They can help you discuss your root causes

Jealousy is typically a symptom of other feelings. You may find yourself jealous of the time your partner is spending with another playmate. But is it that you are jealous or that you feel as though you are no longer the priority in your partner’s life? Being able to step back for a minute and reflect before approaching the topic with your partner can lead to a greater rate of success in getting past the underlying issues and the jealousy that is topping it off. It may also lead to a conversation about restructuring boundaries which are ever-evolving in the LS/Kink communities.

d p y

Love and respect yourself, your partners, and their partners and you may find that the green-eyed monster appears less and less in your life. Continue to talk out your feelings and if you hit a roadblock, tag in a mental health professional. While there is room for plenty of exploration in alternative lifestyles, let’s give a little less room for jealousy.

BY: BUSTYBLUEEYES420

HAIR EXTENSIONS BEINGPULLED TOTHETEST

THROUGHOUT THE AGES, THE SEX APPEAL OF A WOMAN HAS GENERALLY ALWAYS BEEN TIED TO HAIR. FOR THAT REASON, WHETHER RIGHT OR NOT, LONG HAIR IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING MANY DESIRE. UNFORTUNATELY, MOST ARE UNWILLING OR TOO IMPATIENT TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO GROW THOSE LONG HEALTHY LOCKS.

ENTERHAIREXTENTIONS:

There are many different types; clips ins, tape-ins, halos, wefts, and more! Hair extensions make a mile-long mane possible without the drawbacks of long hair care. Shorter hair we can live with. Longer hair is for showing off and showing out!

But which ones, if any, are best suited for those passionate hair-pulling sessions? There are many things to take into consideration when it comes to living your best hair dreams and having sexy time.

Be Up Front About Wearing Them

Yes, your new hair can withstand a spicy bedroom encounter but it doesn’t hurt to take precautions. With the popularity of hair extensions being so large, it’s not a taboo conversation to admit to opting for some added volume or length to your look with extensions. A simple heads up that there won’t be any aggressive yanking or pulling prior won’t do anything to kill the mood Lighter tugs or soft grips close to the root when sporting sewn-in wefts, wires, or fusions would be safe in the heat of the moment.

Handy Dandy Hair Ties

We all know that a woman putting her hair up is equivalent to a man flipping his cap backward on the hotness scale. It’s also a quick way to reduce tangling, matting, and knots while rolling around between the sheets. Be proactive and keep a hair tie or clip close by when potential play is known to be afoot. Tossing those tantalizing tresses up will not only be hot as hell but also reduce sweat and give the ability for light pulls when wearing clip-in or tape-in extensions

From The Top

Let’s face it- part of the reason you’re rocking extensions is to feel more attractive, heighten your confidence, and just feel sexy. What better way to celebrate your luscious locks by doing just that, than taking the dominant approach and jumping on top?! This will give you the most control over the situation and help you to avoid anything being too rough. Not to mention how hypnotizing you’ll be with your gorgeous hair bouncing around in all its glory.

It may seem silly to worry about your extensions during or before intimacy, yet it’s something to consider when trying to protect your hair overall Unnecessary pulling can loosen the extension bonds and/or translate to damaging the natural hair your extensions are attached to. Of course, life happens, heated moments aren’t always expected, and there isn’t always time to search for a hair tie! Just take these few tips into account and remember that all extensions require maintenance. The better you take care of your extensions, the longer they will last

View

BY: JENNA RAE 313

THEFOOD

Wecontinuetobeimpress awesomeandsuperconv Althoughtheyhavesome andthewait,thefooddefi Whatafunandconvenien andforthfromthepoolto moremanageablethanke swimsuits!

THEROOMKEYB

Icannotthinkofmanythingsbetterthanadozenhottoplesswomenwiththeirmouths openlikebabybirdswaitingforashot.Theextraoff-the-bodypourthatafewluckyones experiencedwasjusticingonthecake,IYKYK.

POOLSIDESHOTS MERCH

Abeautifulseaofpineapplehatsandtinypineapplebikinisbecamethenormby SaturdayafternoonTheadditionstoSwingerSocietyMerchwereabighitormaybeit wasthegorgeouswomensellingthem.Eitherway,it’sunanimous.Welikedit!

ADDINGONTHURSDAYNIGHT

ThisisoursecondSecretstakeoverwiththeSwingerSocietyandwearesogladwe optedtoaddThursdaynighttoourstay.Thelow-keyandlaid-backatmosphere,while everyonearrived,wasperfectWelikedbeingabletotalktopeople,gettoknowthe place,andgetreadyforthepartythatwastoarriveFridayandSaturday.Ihadan amazingtimedancingandrequestingsongswithasmallgroupintheclubThursday night.

Whatahit!Everyone’sfavoritenight!Theoutfits!Themusic!Amazingtheme participation!

Thevideosofallyoubeautifulpeoplespeakforthemselves.Iamalreadyplanning whatwewilldowithourbodiesnexttime!

AmIright?TheenergyandflowofthedaytimepoolpartyweremarvelousWelovedthe music.Thegameswereentertaining,tosaytheleast,andweallagreePartyMarkis worththetripalone

360PHOTOBOOTH PARTYMARK THENEWPOOL

Topofthelist!Thepoolwasamazing.Thespace,theseats,andthedifferentlevelsmade itevenmoreenjoyable.Aslargeasthepoolwas,wedidanawesomejobfillingitupwith bodies.

THEPEOPLE

WeallknowthemembersthatmakeuptheSwingerSocietyareamazingpeopleWe enjoyedmeetingonlinefriendsfacetoface,catchingupandseeingoldfriendsagain, andmeetingsomebrandnewpeopleYoumembersandfriendsarethereasonfora successfultakeoveratSecrets,youarethereasonwewillallbebackagainin September!

ThefreedomthatSecretsallowsforustobeourselvesiswhythisissuchapopular event.Thefreedomtowalkarounduninhibited,totipoverchairspoolsidewithyour partner,andtomingleinasafespacewithlike-mindedpeople.Wepersonallymet newplaypartnersthatwearelookingforwardtoacontinuedfriendshipwith.We celebratedmanyserverbirthdaysandenjoyedeveryminutewespentwithfriends. HatsofftoagreateventandIlookforwa

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.

BY: EMPRESSABIGAIL

I believe that at some point in the lifestyle, a person will attempt to define their relationshipwithsomeonetheyswingwithfrequently.Howwedefinethemareonabasis of rapport and time. As a poly swinger, I am very used to the conversations that are the beginnings of defining relationships outside of just swinging. Friends with benefits are a type of relationship in the ethically non-monogamous spectrum. The friends-withbenefitsrelationshipisoneinwhichtwopeoplearephysicallyintimatewithoneanother, yet they're not committed to each other in any way. People involved in a friends-withbenefits relationship enjoy spending time together but there are no strings attached. Someofthemcanbemoreemotional,however.

I decided to ask Nicole, one of our influencers, about her friends-with-benefits relationshiptogetmoreinsightintothistypeofrelationship.

So when did you first realize that you were more than just swinging with yourfriendwithbenefits?

Nicole: Before we even knew we wanted togoon ourENMjourney,Ialways had

aproblemwithblurringthelinebetweenfriendsand "more,” for as long as I can remember even into my teenage years. Once I started learning about ENM I learned the term Demi-Sexual and never felt anything made more sense. When we decided we wanted to explore sex with other people, sex with strangers never appealed to me So we realized I needed the friendship aspect as well. I need the connectiontofeeltrulysexuallyaroused.

How did that affect your relationship with your partner andyourswingingatthetime?

Nicole:Luckilywerealizedthisearlyon.Sotherewasn'tan adjustment period. But my husband had to face some of his jealousy issues when I did become close friends with some of them. But one day the light switched and he realized I am not trying to replace him. And it seemed everything settled into place. But this was a process that tookacoupleofyears

Did you have to have several discussions about it with everyone?

Nicole: Yes, absolutely And with any potential partner we have talked to since. It is one of the first things I bring up with new people. Everyone has a preference. So I feel everyone should be open and honest upfront about their desires And if it doesn't fit with what the potential partners want, that is fine You can remain friends, or not But at least everyone is being true to what they want. I found out early on, I wasn't even sure what I wanted, so it was hard for me to be forthcoming with others about my desires So I think being honest with yourself is the first stepandsometimesthehardest.

How long did it take for you to define the relationship of friendwithbenefits?

Nicole:Ithinkbecausemycurrentfriendwithbenefitswas my friend for years before he earned the "benefits" part of thattitle,itwasaneasytransitionoftitle.

Whatmadeyoucometothatconclusion?

Nicole:Comingtothefriend-with-benefitsconclusionwas a no-brainer for us. Not only is he one of my best friends but also great friends with my husband We can do the sexy stuff or we can watch football or talk about the kid's sports, and it is all effortless and natural. I think having that trust with a play partner only amplifies the attraction andpassionintheplayarena!

NAVIGATING THELIFESTYLE SCENEWHILE PREGNANT

My sex life is currently very different at the moment, as we count down the weeks until we welcome our first child With just 5 weeks left at the time of this writing, we are excited and also know just how many things have changed and will continue to change once the baby comes into the world

Prior to the pregnancy, my partner and I were very involved in the swingers community; attending house parties, lifestyle resorts and clubs, and going on dates with couples we met online. In fact, our conception story was at a lifestyle club! I highly recommend this form of baby-making, especially when you have a whole group of people cheering you on while you and your husband are having sex What a way to bring a human into this world!

WRITTENBY DRKILEYREYNOLDS

Since conceiving- my partner and I have had to make some big changes to our social calendar, and to be honest, we did not know what adjustments to make initially since this is, and will most likely be our only child Yet, staying present has allowed us to make some supportive decisions along the wayeven though they aren’t the most fun decisions at times.

During my first trimester, I was really sick- continually nauseated. So sex wasn’t necessarily a priority- but we still found ways for my partner and me to engage in sexual play with each other and consistently communicated what each other needed while having deeper empathy for what each of us was experiencing Before I was pregnant, even with my partner and I traveling a lot each week, we were still having sex one to two times a week and I was masturbating too – but it’s been hard since I’ve been pregnant as we have had to adjust to what is comfortable and tolerable in my changing body

. . . it's been hard since I've been pregnant as we have had to adjust to what is comfortable and tolerable in my changing body.

06.

Once we were out of the first trimester, I felt more excited to tap back into my sexuality, as it is commonly discussed and assumed that pregnant people get horny during the second trimester Although my energy levels came back and my nausea left, I struggled mentally with the body changes I was experiencing, and it brought me face to face with some of my demons I thought I had healed long ago.

I can proudly say that I am 14 years recovered from a very serious eating disorder- where years of therapy, rehab, and mind-body resources have sustained me throughout my recovery. Yet even with my career being in holistic wellness- it still didn’t prevent the body image demons from creeping up in my brain during this new season of life

Within beauty culture, which is so prevalent in this world, I’ve constantly been fed this lie by society to take up as little room as possible, so the demons that arose in the early period of the second trimester felt very strong and needed to be addressed before venturing out into the lifestyle scene again

To support this mental/emotional journey, I sought support from my therapist and engaged in mind-body activities that brought me agency and joy (yoga, pole, erotic dance). While engaging in such somatically supportive activities, my partner and I became more immersed in the lifestyle apps again- as we had held off from putting our attention towards them during the first couple months of the pregnancy due to fear of what others in the community may say and how that may impact my mental health.

Once we were out of the first trimester I felt more excited to tap back into my sexuality . . .

Well, entering back into “play mode” was definitely rocky- especially with new boundaries due to physical limitations- and navigating people’s perception of pregnancy was the biggest challenge that I did not anticipate

Many of the conversations that had on the dating apps nonproductive and triggerin what I was currently experienc my own well-being. A few o lifestyle folks we connected wit judgmental- as the convers centered around my pregnanc how much weight I had gaine me be clear in that we were communicative on the apps, le folks know what stage of pregna I was in and also had cu pictures of what I looked like- w to be honest was very freeing could take ownership of my pregnant belly- and honor myself as a sexual being. Even with this, some of the statements made online came from a lack of empathy, a lack of knowledge about a woman’s body, and a lack of communication skills.

With such heaviness centered around the apps, we again pivoted and decided to reach out to our local community and the swinger friends we had in the area for support- and they were so supportive and caringand welcomed us to events at our local club with a deep sense of openness and compassion We realized the apps did not work for us while pregnant, and instead pivoted to going back and visiting clubs again- which felt appropriate to our own personal journey

I would put on my sexiest lingerie and let my belly hang out- and still pranced around in my 7-inch heels The result?

A real ego boost….I felt sexy because everyone was wanting to touch my belly, congratulate, and admire me. It still was not to the same level of what we would previously experience at clubs- which is totally ok- but for me to be acknowledged as a sensual human, and be respected for my changing body, was a totally different experience than what I was perceiving on the apps. The attention we received at the clubs led to some playtime between my husband and I, through exhibition and voyeurism. 01.

Now in the third trimester, our visits to clubs have slowed down- as I am tired, and it takes a lot more effort to get dressed up, and hang around folks for long hours of the night. We go when we can, but also acknowledge that this experience is temporary- and it won’t be long until we are able to become involved in our lifestyle community again.

With all of this being said, some of the feedback I have for any pregnant person going through these monumental shifts in body, mind, and emotion are:

Celebrate your changing body- try on the lingerie or buy new sexy clothing that supports your perception of yourself

Choose play that feels supportive for you in the moment- if resting is what you would like to engage in the entire pregnancy, go for it! If you are not wanting to take a break from the lifestyle scene, amazing! You do you!

Look for ENM spaces that feel supportive- this may be clubs or appsbut it may take a moment to figure out what works for you.

Remember that you are a goddess and that you are bringing life into this world, and that in and of itself is a beautiful thing- own your power!

TO ALL INVOLVED WITH A PREGNANT PERSON IN ANY ENM DYNAMIC, PLEASE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

Communicate openly with all partners about the situation and their needs. This may involve discussing boundaries and expectations.

Prioritize safety during sexual activity, particularly during pregnancy when there may be an increased risk of complications

Pregnancy can be a stressful and emotional time, and it's important for all partners to provide support and understanding. Communication and empathy are key in maintaining any form of relationship during pregnancy.

My partner and I are excited for the journey ahead, and cannot wait to share the ups and downs of our lifestyle journey as we give birth, and then navigate what the lifestyle will look like with a newborn Just like how we operated before conception- we take it one step at a time through momentby-moment awareness Cheers to some shifts and pivots along the way, and to our ever-growing love and admiration for each other with so many new moments ahead with our newborn

02.

02.

WE ARE SWINGERS.

I hate that word. It has seedy connotations that make me think of rumors of "key parties" from the 70's. We use the term Consensually NonMonogamous or CNM. It means that if we so choose, my husband and I can have sexual relations with another person(s).Wedon'tidentifywith any religion so we aren't governed by the religiously imposed laws that say marriage is A) only between a manandawomanandB)must be monogamous. In fact, marriage as an institution is, in myopinion,afailure.

IfyousplittheU.S.byregion,the Bible belt has the highest divorce rate, and this has been the case for over a decade. I was not surprised by that. I can walk into my kids' high school football game and watch the other parents interact or should I say "not" interact with each other.Yetreligionhastoldthem "til death do they part". To be honest, many of them look like their souls have been dead for years.

Iwasintheirshoes. For almost 18 years I was in a marriage where neither of us were very happy. Don't get me wrong, there were happy times and we loved our kids, but we were roommates for years. I turned to religion for help because that'swhatyoudoinsmall-townAlabama.Youprayitaway. Only for me, it didn't get better. It got worse and I got better at suppressing my wants, my needs, and my emotions. Looking back, it would have served everyone better, includingthekids,tohaveendeditsoonerthanlater.

I'll dive into the religious aspect of this another time. I gave you this backstory so that you can understand, or in many cases,misunderstand,whereI'mcomingfrom.

By Jacob Walker

Myhopeisthatthesamepeoplewhoarespreadingrumors about us will continue to follow our blog, podcasts, Twitter and Instagram. How else can we educate them? And that's exactly what they need. Education. They have been misunderstanding people for so long that it has become an art.Theygossipaboutthingsthatscarethem.Awomanand a man in a consensually non-monogamous relationship scares the hell out of them. Anything outside of the white heterosexual norm challenges their belief system that they've been spoon-fed from birth. Religion and the purity/shame culture has conditioned them to believe anything outside of a marriage (most of the time a sexless marriage)iswrong.Theydon'tevenquestionwhy.

Itallcomesbacktoreligion.Again,I'llsavethedeepdiveinto religion for another day. So, religion aside, let's talk about humanity.

According to Merriam-Webster:

We started Naughty Gym because we love the people. We love the fitness world and we love the sex-positive world. It combines two of our favorite communities. What we have foundinbothofthesecommunitiesisacoregroupofpeople who are the most kind, accepting, and loving humans we have ever met. These are the educated, the people who ask questionsandaretrulyseekinganswers.

When confronted with something that they don't understand, an educated person would do their due diligence to research, go to the source, ask questions, and explore.

We have found the opposite has happened in our small town.Wheredoesthelackofhumanitycomefrom?Itcomes from misunderstanding or apathy. Very few people have cometousdirectly.Thatwouldbeokayiftheydidn'tcarebut itseemstheycaregreatly.Ithasaffectedtheminsomeway that I can't comprehend. Though if I get the chance I'll ask them.

We, on the other hand, are less affected. We are in love with our life. We love our kids, our family, and our jobs. We look forward to spending every single day together. Any outside conflict has made us stronger and closer. Our communication with each other is beautiful. And given the chance, we would happily sit down with anyone willing and answerquestions.

BusinessInsiderreportsthat"AboutoneinfiveAmericanshaveengagedinsomesortof consensualnon-monogamy,orCNM,intheirlifetimes it'saboutascommonasowning acat,researcherssay."

IwouldsaythatjudgingbytheamountofDMsI'vereceivedfromlocals,thatthisistrue.

With real-world issues plaguing our world like half of the world's population lacking access to essential health services, natural disasters, spiking hunger rates, and a global pandemic, you would think someone ' s sexual proclivities wouldn't be news. Maybe it comes down to a lack of humanity or maybe they have perfected the art of misunderstanding.

HUMANITY IS HUMANITY IS THE QUALITY THE QUALITY OR STATE OF OR STATE OF BEING KIND TO BEING KIND TO OTHER PEOPLE. OTHER PEOPLE.

Thepeoplewehavemetinthesex-positiveworldhavebeensogenuine.

They are the ones that while my parents were in the hospital with Covid sent them cards. Even though they had never met them. They are the ones who after my parents passed sent flowers, cookies, and daily messages checking on me and my family.TheyaretheoneswhoIstillgetrandommessagesfromcheckinginonmeor askingifmysonhaspickedacollegeyet,orhowourdogwasafteraminorsurgery. Theydothisbecausetheyarethetypeofpeoplewhoarefocusedonhappinessand investedinothers'happiness.Theyarecompassionate,sympathetic,andgenerous withtheirlove.

The day my step-father passed (5 days after my mother), my son had a football game. I pulled myself together and went to the game to support him. I was surroundedbypeoplefrommyhometownwhoknewwhathadhappenedandonly onepersonofferedtheircondolences.

Idon'tpointthisoutsoyouwillfeelsorryforme.Ipointthisouttohighlightthelack ofhumanity.

At what point do we disagree with someone ' s lifestyle so much that we forget that theyareahumanbeingswithrealemotionsandrealfeelings?

If you ' re in the sex-positive world and you feel the need to hide your life and your beliefs from your family, friends, and small-minded, small-town folks, take heart. You're not alone.Thecultureisslowlychangingbutit'sgoingtotakemoreeducation.Wearenotthe first to be "outed" in such a malicious way. We know people who have had it far worse. However,therearesomanypositivevoicesinthesex-positivecommunity.Focusonthose voices. Focus on spreading kindness and compassion and empathy. Focus on learning andgrowingandunderstanding.

There will always be people who won't There will always be people who won't understand. To me, it's clear that it's a understand. To me, it's clear that it's a willful act of misunderstanding. willful act of misunderstanding.

THE SWINGING SKEPTIC ON THE SCIENCE OF LUBE!

BY PLE

Jeff Foxworthy joked about Astroglide, “apparently you can put it on a Cadillac and get it in a doghouse ” The joke has a great hyperbolic line but most of us have used a lubricant of some sort at one point or another during our sexual journeys If you’ve ever wondered why the stuff works the way it does, The Swinging Skeptic is here to nerd out with you and get answers. This article talks about the basics of lubrication (for bodies, not machinery), discusses health concerns related to lubrication, and offers some tips on how to buy the right lube for the job.

Let’s first talk about some basics The penis and vagina each produce lubricant

The evolutionary reproductive value is that lubrication makes intercourse both easier to achieve and more pleasurable, leading to an increased likelihood of fertilization. Male lubrication (pre-ejaculate, often called “ precum”) is an excretion containing both chemicals that neutralize pH balances in the penis and vagina (helping sperm survive) and provide a clear, mucus-like lubricant.

The vagina produces some of its own lubrication through two “Bartholin Glands” at the entrance of the vagina, but most lubricating fluids come from vaginal tissue "sweating " This happens during arousal and often during intercourse or continued sexual activity (note: we are not talking about female ejaculation or squirting here, those are separate processes and fluids)

There are various reasons a person or couple may seek to “help” their natural lubricants Occasional vaginal dryness is common in most women, including healthy women Women going through menopause often experience increased dryness As vaginal tissues thin with age, the body produces fewer lubricating excretions in the vagina. Lube is also useful for sexual activity where very little lubrication is naturally available. A handjob can be greatly enhanced with the application of a lubricating substance. It must be noted that no part of the anus, colon, rectum, butt, ass, rear, etc. produces lubrication. There are no magical butt-sex lube glands! Safe anal play absolutely requires artificial lubrication!

The health benefits of proper lubrication are real. There is excellent scientific evidence that shows increased pleasure and frequency of sex and less frequent pain, dryness, and irritation when lubrication is used*. There are three basic types of lubricants, categorized by their base substance.

The health benefits of proper lubrication are real There is excellent scientific evidence that shows increased pleasure and frequency of sex and less frequent pain, dryness, and irritation when lubrication is used There are three basic types of lubricants, categorized by their base substance

Silicone-based lubricants are strong choices for people with chronic or severe vaginal dryness as they are generally long-lasting. However, silicone lubes can be sticky, messy, and greasy. These are NOT to be used with silicone toys.

Oil-based lubes are a third option and are most easily thought of as products like oils from the kitchen. These are usually edible, which can be fun, but they are also usually messy. Synthetic oil-based lubricants (like petroleum jelly – Vaseline) can irritate the vulva. These are NOT to be used with latex condoms**.

You should always treat lubricant as a medication or a new skin product

Allow for a small use at first to ensure that your bod(ies) tolerate the substance well Make sure that you are not allergic to the substances in the lube. Once you feel reasonably safe, feel free to apply and reapply as needed

When you are thinking about purchasing or using a new lubricant, consider the advice given above There are a few additional concerns that you should watch out for Note that edible lubricants often have substances that are friendly to the taste buds and the digestive system, but not as friendly to vaginal tissues Understand that lubes only work until the body absorbs the substances or until they are washed away. Lube will not solve chronic issues but can help make sex more pleasurable when used properly and frequently

There are a bevy of brands available to the consumer Standing in the “ sex ” part of the store can feel awkward You are encouraged to do research at home and consider several sources. If you feel adventurous, feel free to purchase multiple styles in various brands and give them a try until you and your partner(s) have found ones that work best for you!

For now, I want to point you to the chart in the following link This study of a huge variety of lubrications gives two important pieces of information: pH factor and osmolality Osmolality basically measures how much moisture the substance pulls *out* of your tissues This is bad, as you generally want tissues to be wellhydrated rather than dry or shriveled

The WHO recommends using a lubricant with a pH of 4 5 and an osmolality below 1200 mOsm/kg.

I WISH I WISH I WISH EVERYONE EVERYONE EVERYONE THE BEST IN THE BEST IN THE BEST IN YOUR SLIP YOUR SLIP YOUR SLIP ‘N’ SLIDE ‘N’ SLIDE ‘N’ SLIDE ADVENTURES! ADVENTURES! ADVENTURES!

https://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/handle/10665/765 80/WHO RHR 12 33 eng pdf

INTOBDSM? NEEDMEDICAL CARE?

If you practice bondage, dominance/submission, and/or S&M, you may have concerns about seeking medicalcare.Perhapsyou feardiscrimination, or spending too much timeeducatingsomeone on BDSM when they should be focused solely on your health. How do you findaproviderwhowillbe sensitivetoyoursexuality? Andifyoucan’t,howdo you deal with uninformed medicalcareproviders?

INDING KINK AWARE MEDICAL CARE

WHERETOSTART

NCSF oversees a Kink Aware Professionals directory (KAP) on our ncsfreedom.org website where you can search for kink-aware professionals in your area. You may be able to find a doctor, physician’s assistant,nursepractitionerorclinic close to you. If you don’t, try calling thenearestlistedprofessionals-

(even non-medical professionals) and ask if they can recommendsomeonelocal.

Askforreferralsfrompeopleinyourlocalkink-relatedgroups. Ifyouarecomfortableaskingpublically,considerusingsocial mediatofindapersonalreferral.

Ask people at your local LGBT resource center. An LGBTfriendly practice may be a good alternative if you are unable to find a kink-aware professional. Some cities have sexpositiveorganizationsyoumightask.

For more information, Dr. Charles Moser provides free access tohisbook: Health Care Without Shame: A Handbook for the Sexually DiverseandTheirCaregivers

PROTECT YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR RIGHTS

THEBIGISSUES

For BDSM practitioners, therearethreeissuesthat may complicate your medicalcare:

Ifyouhavemarks,bruisesor scarring,aprovidermightbe concernedtheyaretheresult ofabuseversusconsensual eroticplay

Aprovidermightbe predisposedtoconsider BDSMamanifestationofa

Remember, when someone responds negatively, they are likely reacting to a stereotype and such judgments are not really aboutyou,butrathertheirownbias.

You deserve nonjudgmental medical care and should not have to censor your history or avoid an appointment. With a provider youseeregularly,it’sbesttobringupyoursexualityearlyinyour professional relationship, so that you set the foundation for a bettermutualunderstandingofyourfuturemedicalneeds.

WHATSHOULDYOUASKAPROVIDER?

Get as many referrals as possible. Call a few to set up an appointment. Make a list of questions to ask. Below are some suggestions; all may not apply to your situation, so adapt them asneeded.

Are you familiar with alternative forms of sexual expression, andBDSMinparticular?

Duetoignoranceorpersonal morality,aprovidermay considerBDSMimmoralor disgusting.

Doyoufeelthatpeoplewhoengageinsuchactivitiespresent anychallengestoyouasahealthcareprovider?

Doyouconsideryourpracticekink-friendly?

Howmanykinkyclientshaveyouknowinglyworkedwith? IfIweretoaskquestionsabouthealthsafety,medicalrisksof certain sexual activities, etc., would you feel comfortable discussing them without any sense of judgment or disapproval?

I enjoy rough sex and often have bruises or marks. I do not want you to misinterpret them as abuse or assault. Can you dealwiththat?

Do you understand that BDSM and related activities can be doneconsensuallyforfunanderoticsatisfaction,andarenot abusiveactivities?

Areyouokaywithpatientswholivewithinuniquerelationship configurations such as Master/slave, Dom/sub, polyamorous,andsoon?

I often have questions about sexually transmitted infections andsexualhealth.Areyoucomfortablewiththoseareas?

IsyourpracticeLGBTfriendly?

What do you charge? Do you accept insurance? Can you describe your practice style? What can I expect during a typicalofficevisit?

PLANAHEADFOR EMERGENCIES

If your emergency situation is the result of BDSM play, or your body has marks from recent play, tell them right away that it’s the result of consensual erotic play that you enjoy and know how to do safely. Be honest, and they will likely understand. Try to hide it, and they may automatically assume thatthereisabuseinvolved.

While having a primary health provider who is knowledgeable about your kink may not always prevent emergency personnel from alerting law enforcement, you can minimize the possibility. Present the emergency staff with contact information for your doctor and/or therapist who can answer any pertinent questions. A calm and straightforwardpresentationisalwaysbest.

Be honest. Holding back vital information can lessen the quality of care. However, share the minimum necessary for the provider to fully understandtheproblem.Don’tgointoextradetails. Don’t make up elaborate stories. If a provider is sensitive and has a clue, they will ask the right questions.

Confessions of a Sex Worker

Kylie - SexySwingerChic

*Disclaimer* this is not a story of kink shaming, actually it’s the opposite. I am so glad these men trusted me enough to be the person they asked to fulfill their fantasy.

As a sex worker, I think the general public doesn’t really understand what all my job entails. I’m a therapist, website designer, digital marketer, consultant, customer service agent, friend, fashion stylist, make-up artist, conversationalist, and fantasy fulfiller, with emphasis on the fantasy fulfiller part Being a sex worker means you never know what kind of request you will get. In this edition of “Confessions of a Sex Worker” we are going to talk about the strangest, oddest, and weirdest requests I’ve ever received.

At 18 years old when I started in the sex work industry as a stripper/exotic dancer, I didn’t have very much life experience. At the time I had no idea what BDSM, or even kink was, so of course when men would come to me asking me to fulfill their BDSM requests I fell flat.

Being a sex worker means you never know what kind of request you will get.

One of the biggest regrets of my life was when a man came into the club… He wasn’t a large man by any means, he also wasn’t very old but not young either. He had salt and pepper hair, glasses and

he kind of reminded me of an accountant or the manager of Target or something. He was just plainly average. We got to talking one day; he drank his Bud Light and of course I drank my sugar free red bull. He asked me if I was open minded to which I of course replied “ yes. ” He said, "No, I mean really open minded."

I shook my head and giggled and said, “Of course, silly.” He then leaned in closer and asked, “would you be willing to make a house call?” At this point I got a bit uncomfortable, but still continued to go along hoping the man would eventually buy a dance with me. He said “I’m not asking for sex, but I would like for you to do something out of the ordinary.” I continued to listen without judgment, but truly, I had no idea what he was about to say.

He then asked me if I knew about degrading and humiliation. I told him I’ve heard of it but I didn’t have much experience with it. He then said he would pay me $1,000 to walk around in dominatrix boots covered in macaroni & cheese and dog feces, and make him lick it off my boots. When it came out of his mouth I was shocked, so shocked in fact, that I said, “ you can’t be serious!” He said, “I’m as serious as a heart attack, young lady.” Mind you, at this point, I’m 18 years old, I just graduated high school, I have 0 life experience, and even less experience with grown men. Creeped out and a bit frightened, I declined his offer and said, “well I don’t think that I’m the right person for that job. Thank you for the offer but no thanks, but would you like a lap dance?” He declined my lap dance offer and left the club never to be seen by me again. I regret not dipping my toes into the dominatrix world back then, but in hindsight, I think I was protecting myself because you never know what people are capable of.

That was only the beginning of my strangeand unusual requests as a sex worker.

Igot out of the sex work industry in 2010, and I didn’t return until 2020 to do online sex work. Back in 2020 online sex work like Onlyfans and Snapchat premium were pretty much like the Wild West. There were really no rules or regulations, not like there are today, and it was almost like anything goes. Men would always request things like “for me to dominate them and make them feel like sissy little cucks.” I quickly learned not to say or do anything without seeing my Cashapp filled by them because men on the internet will take advantage of young sex workers. I once got arequest to touch myself in a diaper (yes I bought Depends for this video), and moan a man ’ s name. He paid $100 for the video, which I thought was really good at the time.

I didn’t have much experience with it. He then said he would pay me $1,000 to walk around in dominatrix boots coveredThe one request that will always stick out to me is the “Slave Play” man. A man messaged me and asked if I could make him be my slave. I told him of course I could, I love domming sissy little men, and he said, “ no I mean your real slave, like you are a plantation owner in the 1800’s in the South and I’m your slave.” I was very confused, and freaked out. Then I did

a quick google search and yes this is a thing This is a form of BDSM play and it’s called “Race Play” “Race Play” or “racial play”—that is getting aroused by intentionally using racial epithets like the “ n ” word or racist scenarios like a slave auction. Race play is being enjoyed in the privacy of bedrooms and publicly at BDSM parties, and it’s far from just black and white. It also includes “playing out” Nazi interrogations of Jews or Latino-on-black racism, and the players can be of any racial background and paired up in a number of ways. White master seeking a black slave, however, seems the more popular of the comb-

inations After doing my research and realizing that this was in fact a real thing, I still declined the man ’ s offer and told him I was uncomfortable with it He said he understood.

I think maybe if it were in person I could have been more comfortable but I was afraid it would come back to haunt me since all of the race play we would be doing would be in writing.

After I got back into dancing in 2022 is when I started to receive all the extreme requests from men. At this point in my sex work career I am well versed in kink, BDSM, and all of the weirdest

combinations you can think of. For example, at a kink swingers party, I literally watched a man get a metal rod stuck up his penis hole, and then he got up smiling and happy (this is called sounding and is also a real thing: look it up). At this point I was unafraid of any request sent my way as long as everyone consents

I once met a little person who wanted me to financially dominate him, or as we call it in the sex work industry, fin-dom him. This form of domming is all about the man getting aroused from surrendering power and allowing someone to invade your personal space like your finances. I took him into a room and made him feel embarrassed, and I humiliated him for 3 minutes, then took him to the ATM and hit him until he pulled out $500 as a tip.

I love when men ask me to domme them, beat them and humiliate them, but to me that’s not weird or odd, that’s just a Tuesday night for me.

He told me after the interaction it was the best experience he had ever had at a strip club and hugged me.

My last experience is pretty recent, and extremely unexpected if I’m honest. It was your average Saturday night, and I was walking around the club laughing

and smiling like normal when I had a man approach me. He said, “would you like to take me for some lap dances?” I thought to myself, "Well, that was easy. ” I said, “Come on baby, let's go. ” I took him back to the lap dance area and when he asked if I was kinky, I said “of course I am, what were you thinking?” He asked to lick my armpits. In my mind I’m thinking, JACKPOT! I had been waiting since I started dancing for a man like this. He said, “Don’t even take off your clothes, just let me lick your armpits." He asked if they were “ super sweaty”. I could barely contain my excitement. He then asked to smell my boots, sniff my butt, and pick my nose and eat it. Of course I told him yes to all. He was happy with the interaction and hugged me after and said anytime he’s in town he will come visit me and he thanked me for not kink shaming. I explained to him I wasn’t in the game of kink shaming, but I was in the business of fantasy fulfillment.

Sex work is a job where we fulfill fantasies and make men and women feel good. I fulfill fantasies daily from people who are seeking something different in their lives. It’s something that is very fulfilling for me personally and it brings me a lot of joy to bring others joy. Hopefully my true stories of the strange and unusual in the sex work industry can give you some insight into what

POLY

By Terri Nelson RDN, FDN (@CheerMom)

MyboyfriendandIwereat a big fundraiser with a lot of well-known public figures. I can’t get specific because image is everything and I would hate to “out” people by accident, and being so closetoanelection,Ineed tobeverycareful.

About an hour into this gala, and a few drinks, peoplestartedopeningup about their personal lives. Thisalwayshappens.Most people in our crowd already know about our Polyamorous union and it tends to move from politicstoPolyinabout3.2 whiskeys. I wasn’t drinking so when this happened, I began asking questions myself. I wish I could say the names! Everyone knows them and when I foundouttheywerePoly,I

turned on my Interrogation skills. I have changed their names for anonymity.

Jay and Jen are both in their40’s.Theyhaveafew adult children that left the nest within the past 5 years. They are wellknown actors, very wellrespected and devout Christians. Jen tells me that she and Jay have been in a kitchen table triad for 3 years now. I have known these 2 for 10 yearsandIhadnoclue.So here I am, staring into Jen'seyes,forwhatseems like an eternity, saying nothing and the last 10 years flash before my eyes. A proverbial lightbulb goes on over my head, I smile and say one word….Jessie.

I was always a bit jealous of Jay and Jen. They had the perfect marriage, perfect family, careers they love, and their joy wascontagious.Aftertheir kids left home, Jay and Jen kind of receded into a very private life. When they did come out to functions, they weren’t the joyous, perfect couple we all knew, anymore. They were quiet and never stayed out very long. It was when they deleted their social media accounts that we all started to make assumptions. First thing that came to my mind was “empty nest syndrome”. Others assumed marital problems. Some accused Jay of cheating. Many wallowed in the idea that Jay and Jen were just staying together for the kids and were just waiting for the divorce to hit the news.Noneofitwastrue.

Jay and Jen had always had a somewhat open relationship. They were andstillaredeeplyinlove. Jen and Jay believe they aretruesoulmates.Butfor most of their marriage, they seemed to be working in separate countriesfromeachother. Literally.Andknowingthey were together because of love and not sex, an open relationship made sense to them. Jen told me the story about how they met Jessie and I hung onto everywordofit.

Jen was getting close to delivering her first child andtheydecidedtohirea woman to help Jen out while Jay was across the country filming a movie. After interviewing a few women, Jessie came in and it was an instant connection between all three of them. Jen said “Jessie was a Godsend. I feltlikeshewasasisteror

best friend that I have known my whole life.” Jay said, “Jessie was a part of our family from the first day and we didn’t even know it”. It wasn’t until the day their daughter was bornthatallthreeofthem realized how much more love and joy they felt than before Jessie came into thepicture.

By this time, it was 10:30 pm and we were all back at Jay and Jen’s suite. Thank God because Jay’s recount of that day was very emotional and it wasn’t long before my $120 makeup was running downmyface.Thisiswhat hesaid…

"The nurses and doctors just finished cleaning up the baby. Jen was holding her and asked if Jessie could come in. A couple of minutes later Jessie was sitting on the bed next to Jen holding “Suzy”. I knew at that point I couldn’t live without all three of my girls. I was having a hard time with the feelings I was having and Jen could tell there was something wrong. None of us had been romantically involved or anything. I mean, how could I be feeling this when my baby daughter was just born! I really felt like garbage but I put on a smile and cried while holding my daughter for the first time. It was the next day when Jen and I talked about it. We put everything on the table and it turned out that Jen loved Jessie as much as she loved me, and vice versa. Jessie has been with us ever since. She held all our children when they were born. She held them beforeIdidandIwillneverregretit.IwishwecouldhaveonemorebabyjustsoIcould seethewomenIlovemeetingourbabyforthefirsttime."

Ourconversationwentontill2amwhenwe decided to part and get some sleep. We made plans for breakfast and shopping for thenextday.ThatwasSaturday.Sundaythe guys went golfing and we girls went to the spa. The whole time, talking about and comparing our Polyamorous evolution stories. In just a few days, I went from being jealous of Jay and Jen to admiring their strength and love but also feeling overwhelming sadness at what they had to giveupjusttobewiththewomantheyboth love. Mark, my boyfriend, had to fly back homeSundaynightbutIstayed.

Jay and Jen are allowing me to write about theirlife.SohereIsit,March31,2023,ona6hour flight back home. This article is due today and is just a taste of the emotional andphysicalstruggleofwhatittakestolove more than one person. Their stories of how they managed coming out to the in-laws, the holidays, the church turned their back onthem,thekidshadtochangeschools,so much heartache. Hopefully, their story will inspire you as much as it has inspired me and my little polycule. This story will continuenextmonth.

An alternative lifestyle means to me the freedom to express yourself. Selfexpression can come in so many forms and often it's looked at as taboo Alt-life allows me to be surrounded by people

who understand and don't judge me for doing something outside of what's considered normal. For me, it's engaging in enm with other couples and singles It's exploring kinks and stepping out of my comfort zone. The best part is having a partner who's open to it as well and seeing what open and honest communication has done for our relationship

HOWLONGHAVEYOUBEENLIVINGANALTLIFE?WHAT ATTRACTEDYOUTOIT?

My husband and I joined the lifestyle in November 2022 after discussing certain fantasies he had about me with other men We've always been very open with each other when it came to discussing people we thought were attractive. We would often secretly watch others at bars or the and discuss which ones we'd want to take home with us It was just

ed. Then one day I told him about getting hit on and groped by would attend and his reaction was not what I expected. We began opening up to each other about fantasies that we had never discussed in 15 years He asked if I would be open to exploring it more and joining a swingers site. I was receptive, but shy at first and it took a while for me to really embrace all the " openness " that was shared. After attending our first event in January 2023 we un-intendedly dove head first in to everything swinging and haven't looked back since

HOWWOULDDOYOUDEFINEYOURALTLIFE?

My alt life consists of swinging with my husband. We are a full swap couple and we enjoy exploring new territory. Our motto is "try everything twice" We've recently discovered BDSM and that's been a really fun experience learning what we like and don't like. I've learned a lot about myself in this journey. I realized that I have an attraction to both men and women and I was ready to explore that. I also learned that I'm very submissive and like some impact play So it's hard to define at this point because we ' re still learning, but we ' re open to all kinds of new experiences.

WHATISONELESSONYOUHAVELEARNONYOUR ALTLIFEJOURNEY?

The biggest lesson I've learned is that communication with your partner is key to making an alt-life work. I've always had a hard time expressing my feelings or sharing my thoughts , even with my husband Luckily, he knows when something is bothering me and will drag it out of me eventually. Sometimes it results in arguments and tears, but it's always for the best. After completely communicating with each other we both end up better in the end. We've learned something about ourselves and our relationship and we work through trust and jealously issues. Having that strong communication makes us better together.

WHATISYOURFAVORITEFOOD?

Ilove all the foods!

Ummm...chicken tikka masala.

WHAT'SYOURGUILTYPLEASURE?

don't feel guilty about anything

Give me all the pleasures and I might share with you.

WHATISYOURFAVORITEVANILLA ACTIVITY?WHY?

Ilove to travel because it's exciting to visit new countries or cities and meet local people. I love to take in the culture and history of a place I want to eat all the local food from the small mom and pop places I like to talk to locals and hear their recommendations for things to do, outside of the touristy places. I have a bucket list of countries still to visit.

WHATISONETHING ONYOURBUCKET LISTYOUHOPETODO THISYEAR?

Start a blog.

WHATISYOURBIGGESTTURN ON?

Personality with a great smile. Make me laugh and I'm yours.

WHATISYOUR BIGGESTTURNOFF?

Bad teeth and/or breath.

ISTHEREANYTHINGADDITIONAL YOUWOULDLIKEFORTHEALT LIFECOMMUNITYTOKNOW ABOUTYOU?

I'

m actually super shy and afraid to approach people I need you to come to me first. But once I'm comfortable I'm an open book and get along with almost anyone.

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W H Y A L T L I F E ?

You may be wondering why we’ve decided to launch a magazine. That’s a fair question! If you’re familiar with us you know that we host one of the nation’s top podcasts on nonmonogamy and get millions of views monthly on social platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Clapper.

So why add something else to our plate and start a digital magazine? The truth is, ALT Life Magazine isn’t about us. It’s about you and the community of people who have a message to share and need a platform to do it.

This magazine is for people who may not be able to put themselves out there publicly on social media due to fear of judgment and backlash. Over the last year and a half of our journey into becoming social media influencers for the alternative lifestyle community, the one thing that’s remained consistent is the community and the people that encompass it. Alternative lifestyle people are some of the kindest and most genuine people on the planet. The world needs to hear your stories, to get to know you, to fall in love with you like we have.

Our hope is that if they can see you for who you truly are, then perhaps the hate, the stigma, and the discrimination will come to an end.

We belie that is to from the light on the community.

So, we’d like to encourage all of you to contribute, to share your stories, to be heard.

We want you to be able to show the world how truly amazing and valuable this community is. We hope that one day we can all come out of the darkness and not have to live in fear.

MAGAZINE