QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES Vol. 01 No. 01
July 2022 Issue
YOU CAN’T WAIT TILL YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS! Hello, my dear QUIBBLERers and QUIBBLERettes! It is with extreme happiness that I finally resume this section – after much fighting and arguing with the editors! It is my impression that they are afraid of what might come to light if I get the space I deserve, because they know that I have one duty and that is with the truth and bringing it to light. I dedicate my life to bringing to you the most accurate and unbiased news on what’s going on in our surroundings. Unfortunately this is a virtue that scares many, and so ever since I helped found this magazine, I have been paid with ingratitude and have been silenced. But no more! Just like that quote from that dear poet Edwar Allan Poe that reads “Quoth the raven / ‘Not this anymore!’” Now the time to bring true news has come, so fear not, my dear reader! However, although it is with great joy that I resume this section, I have to say that it is also with a heavy heart that I take on the duty I have set upon myself. The circumstances that have made my return necessary are alarming! We have appalling headlines ahead of us, I’m afraid. Looks like the world –Wizarding or not– is simply upside down! –Your dear Geraldine Julienne
BRAINWASHING hazard: Iguana wants to END linguistic diversity! 76
Vicious new species of iguana has acquired sentience and is on the rise in THE QUIBBLER. Oh what are they doing with our once so great magazine! Long past are the days in which I was Editor in Chief of THE QUIBBLER and it saw its prime time, but sadly I had to take a leave of absence for personal reasons and things have clearly gotten out of hand – even iguanas can publish here! That’s just plain outrageous, if you ask me. And what’s more, this newly sentient being has some evil plans on its mind. It wants to cast a SPELL on us to BRAINWASH us and end all linguistic diversity, claiming that having natural languages is an issue to minorities and so, we should abolish all natural languages and adopt one single made up language created by a muggle! I am besides myself wondering how no one has informed a Law Enforcement Agent yet to take this delinquent beast to the Zoo Jail.
