QUIBBLER SPORTS
HOW TO
l l u y f s s e c c u S
Manipulate Yourself
into NOT
Hating
Sports Written by Eldis
I hate sports. I always have. I did not like PE in school, I never dreamed of pursuing a successful athletic career, and for the final year of the annual mandatory soccer competition between the schools in our district, I managed to convince my teacher that I'd do great as a cheerleader instead of a player, allowing me to just stand on the sidelines and yell out rhymes I had come up with previously, rather than run after a ball. Sports and I are just not a good combination. It’s like fish and lemon pie. Or a cold quattro formaggi pizza and a Nutella topping. Or Bellatrix and pink flowery dresses. It makes nobody happy to think about, and the world would be better off without it. There is, then, very little that can explain my joy upon graduating high school. I was finally free not only from annoying classmates, persistent teasing and that one frustrating English teacher I could not get along with, but also from those endless, torturous hours of PE I had to suffer through multiple times each week. Also no more maths, but that is a different story on its own. I was free to pursue the thing I am really
92
passionate about: sitting still and reading, preferably with a large mug of tea and a couple of chocolate chip cookies to keep me company. With no more mandatory sports at uni, I was free, free, endlessly free. Emphasis on the "was".
You see, reading isn't always the healthiest thing to do. Sitting hunched over, a book squished between myself and my laptop, holding down the pages with my lower arms whilst typing out a summary as I'm reading along, is not the greatest posture to hold for hours on end. Especially not when combined with reading for fun in the evenings and plenty of scrolling on my phone. With the additional fun complication
