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AM I EVEN THANKFUL BY DENISE “KARMA” CLIFFORD
I try to be grateful every day, to see the gifts of ordinary life, and to be thankful. I find myself strolling through the plethora of tasks as if a horse with its blinders on. Tunnel vision seeing only what I need to do and accomplish to thrive as a small business, as a new self sustaining homestead. As a mother, with grown children who seem to never need me anymore. Picking and choosing a new path, yet still I strive to be grateful and appreciate the hidden treasures most people would overlook. Being thankful really isn’t about me, I find my best feelings of gratitude come when I give a smile to someone else. I hide behind small gestures of gratitude. I think so when I’m overwhelmed with feelings of doubt, I can remind myself of these brief moments in time. I recently had the pleasure of being out at the store with my 19 year old son. Nothing special, a quick trip here and a stop at the dollar store. As we left, an elderly woman watched as I returned my cart, then I took hers and replaced it as well. The look of surprise and joy as she said she wished everyone was as efficient as me, was my payment. And I was thankful for that moment, in the moment. I had a conversation with a pastor to ask if I could assist in collecting coats, hats, and mittens for the needy, and the conversation ended with his words of gratitude, and how these are the types of phone calls that he loves the most. And again, I was thankful. Thankful that I 294
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE : DECEMBER EDITION 2021
took the blinders off long enough, that I went through several individuals before I actually got the proper phone number, so that I can give to people who need things more than me. The timeless life lesson I learned from my mom. I Remember as a child, we didn’t have the “extras” And sometimes went without. But one thing that stands out about my mom is watching her find a way
to give to someone else in need, even if it meant she went without. “They need it more.” Was one of her mantras. I never understood this, yet the feeling of giving when you yourself needed just as much,is something I am now grateful for. Now, as I sit here knowing I am thankful, I still ask myself. Am I truly grateful? Have I done enough, have I been there enough, said the right things, did I give when I was supposed to?
Have I shown up when needed? Have I done all the things I could to show those I care about just how thankful I am? Was I and am I enough? Maybe it’s the season that brings about all these thoughts. Maybe it’s age and time and memories that sometimes get lost, yet you want to keep them fresh, so you can see the time spent. Hear the words spoken, be in the moment, in that moment when you were truly grateful. For giggles from tiny faces of the children you adore. For walks in the woods, reminiscing. For that hug, the smile, the tear that escapes when emotions take your words. For sharing a coffee, hearing a story, playing that game one more time. For driving hours just to see someone, for sending the dumbest care package, because you really do care. For the look of surprise on a birthday for your bestie,or the look on a stranger’s face when you smile, like really smile. For the voice of my mom, in my head and on the phone. For not being able to afford everything, but still able to give to others, who need it more than me. For all of this I am thankful. And it isn’t just one day, or a season. I try to live everyday being thankful. Finding the small gifts of everyday life, and holding onto them, for the times I may forget just how grateful I am .
