The Seagull Literary Folio: MONO NO AWARE

MONO NO AWARE volume XV no. 1 | april 2022

THE

SEAGULL

ABOU T T H E COV E R “If man were never to fade away like the dews of Adashino, never to vanish like the smoke over Toribeyama, how things would lose their power to move us! The most precious thing in life is its uncertainty” - Yoshida Kenkō (Japanese poet) Life is an awareness of impermanence that contains both sadness and appreciation.

Just like the Japanese term mono no aware that encourages us to enjoy life, to be present and to notice and appreciate our physical surroundings; the nature around us and the physical things in our milieu. It is an incentive to enjoy the pathos or the ambience of the things with which we share our lives, and it is, importantly, a hymn to the constant shifts around us and within us. Seasons that change, trees that bloom and wither, flowers that blossom for a short while and then deteriorate but shortly before deterioration smells the sweetest and the most alluring, and fruits that are juicy and fragrant, but only last a short while before they start to rot. Life teaches us to learn to appreciate transience and impermanence and to learn that the most satisfying aesthetic nourishment is to be found in ephemerality and in the changes around us holding an awareness of the powerful sentiments that can evoke us.

Cover design by Jose Arron Franz Suoberon Layout by Jose Arron Franz Suoberon Syrus Miguel Santamena

FOREWORD A tiny, bronze seed was deeply sowed and sprinkled in the murky soiled ground of her homeland. Mother blazed its love through warmth of sunlight gently abetting its bud to grow little springy green sprouts. While Father poured its love as infinite like the blue outstretched of seven seas which waters are flowing gently to the tips of its sprawling young roots. It flourishes to be a fair lady standing proudly with its strong, perennial wooden stature and pinky soft leaves blooming magnificently. She was a wonderment called cherry that blossoms-- Cherry Blossoms.

Yet, the only constant truth is every embarked beginning has its leading point towards a spontaneous ending. An ending of her entrancing delicate beauty, when will the cherry blossoms blooms again? Perhaps, will I have the chance to witness again its radiance and loveliness by the next upcoming years?

The Seagull Publication Official Literary Folio unveils to you this year's theme, Mono no aware or “an empathy toward things,” describes “the awareness of the transience of things and a bittersweet sadness at their passing.”

It is derived from the Japanese word mono, which means "thing", and aware.

Flowers are blooming beautifully but after their downfall as they were soundly plucked by the breezy air in its slender stems, it withers and dies. Endings of flowers were never been a happy one, as if they only meant to lived for a short beauteous moment. Every thing that exists will soon or at any time, will be certainly gone but not that feeling you felt in your heart-- that is Mono no aware.

It is a sense of the transience of all things in life and this could be possibly be the wonderful feelings as we silently watched the sun in every sunset and sunrise. The way we looked above at night, just to enjoy staring at the thousand beaming lights of stars. Also, it could be as we walk at the beach, the

sensation of the cold waters in the sea and the sand sticking to the soles of our feet. Or could it just be simply, as we walk together down the street with the peace and calm we experience as soon as we take off our face masks to inhale that familiar scent of air and enjoys the gifts of nature, infinitely beautiful.

As we learn to be inherent beauty in each moment of life and to be aware that one day, it will cease to exist-- we gave life more meaning and deep appreciation towards everything. Mono aware is an empathy with the universe. It is the soul within the realms of the world found inside our igniting hearts as a person, as a family, and as one nation. It has allowed us to endure the Spanish colonization for 333 years but also sowed the seeds of bravery in our hearts to fight for our freedom. As well as the resiliency of every Filipinos towards catastrophic calamities yet we stayed hopeful beyond the spirit of solidarity and taking it all with a smile.

It courageously evokes to us the importance of memory and continuity with the past that once had exist. May we never forget that deeply rooted feelings and emotions as we remind ourselves, that life does not end always with tears, unbearable pains and sad farewells, perhaps, it is the opposite…

FATIMA LOUISE PUMAREN Literary Editor

CON Then was now before Unwanted friend Realization Paghilum sa Kalungkutan The Village Lookout The Treasure Found Magnifico Maritimo Agahan Photo Album The dream that was Para kay Nanay Love of Tomorrow Fleeting moments Hindsight Sayang The Bittersweet Encounter Mi Casa

10 12 14 15 16 18 19 20 21 22 24 26 28 29 30 31 32

NTENTS 35 36 37 38 41 42 44 46 47 48 50 52 53 54 55 56 58

Your love Sa tuwing hindi ka nag-re-reply The fragile and empathic cherry blossoms Into the Paradise Sa akon panglakaton Cherry Blossoms Death Butterflies Paglubog ng araw Emotional Damage Met each other, but are not meant to be together Love and redemption How it feels to be?

Musika Him Realization Sana noon pa

CON Riley is what you call me Exhausted Masked persona Kasubo indi gid magdugay Spring and blues Kadamulon Sang akon paghigugma Luna Online Marahuyo Sulat Colorblind Manlalakbay Sakura Lukso ng dugo Soulmates Unrequited love

59 61 62 63 64 66 67 68 70 71 72 75 76 78 80 82 83

NTENTS 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 92 93 94 95 96 99 100

Under the cherry blossoms Kapag umuulan The day after winter Paniwala Riding a paper boat Sakrisppisyo para sa sentimo Sunset, sunrise Heart of a Struggler Mirasol Abstract Awa at Pag-unawa Waves of Anamnesis Padayon Blooms in Sadness

THEN WAS NOW BEFORE frozen jars If now is now, and then is then, And then was now before Why can’t it just be then again, Or now for moments more?

I miss the then - the now that was The then, that is, of now And want the now that was because It passed too fast, and how(?!)

So take your then and think again, And now your thens will be For then your now’s a then and then Your then’s a now, you see?

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UNWANTED FRIEND Lo_uie Here we go again Earphones on, sitting alone, waiting for the same train.

Why do things keep repeating?

I hope something new happens With blurry eyes, I saw vendor’s mouth widen, I think they’re shouting, People are whispering, but I hear nothing I didn’t run but I was panting, I’m no celebrity, but why are they looking?

I’m not an angel, but I feel like floating Am I dreaming?

I guess here we go again I feel dizzy, sleepiness overpowers me, Everything feels alike This happened before, right?

Probably.

By then, I woke up with blurry eyes Wall’s white, ceiling’s high And oh! I’m on my gown, Medical gown.

Does my unwanted friend visit me?

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Narcolepsy

REALIZATION Luna When I was a child I am a defiant one The one who always bully others Even from my elders I don’t have respect to anyone I lost my kindness even to everyone I make everything a jest So that everyone will have no rest As I became a man, I realized all the things that I’ve done My empathy towards others was raised And I need to explore things and faced.

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PAGHILOM SA KALUNGKUTAN bulak

Kabiguan dala ng taong minamahal Mula sa pag iibigang akala’y di mapapagal Itong sakit na nararamdaman mula sa pagsugal Maglalaho nga ba o sa isipa’y magtatagal Ika’y maghihilom Ang nararamdamang sakit na tila bang gabing maalimuom Maglalaho at mawawaglit sayong isipan Na parang isang panaginip na mawawala pagkagising kinaumagahan.

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T H E V I LL AGE LO OKOU T Evonne

Far in the distance between the mountain hills, the sun is dwelling deep into the horizon, encompassing the passing of the day. The skies’ tangerine hues and dotted reflection gaze upon the village I have guarded still for years. I stand still over my beloved tower as I gradually take sips of coffee made from Arabica, contrary to the common belief that it is the only cure for old melancholic men.

The little solitude that I have, from the break of dawn to the setting of the day, has been a familiar feeling I alone familiarized through contemplating the everyday things I reflect through my lonesome. And these things, when observed through the years, take a toll on one’s understanding as if you missed seeing it, like the glamor of a shiny metal rusting over the years. Reminiscing, I still remember every step from the long winding road from my house towards the tower atop the mountain.

It all begins as the bells cling in the morning while the parish priest leads the daily prayers. I always pass by the baker, with his rosy cheek from the oven heat as his bread and orange-encrusted wafers are the first thing the villagers flock for in the morning. Then, the school is below the Oaktree, as children loudly greet their teachers. Near it, the cobbler and his wife, both hammering the soles of their clients’ shoes. As one goes by at the middle square, one can pass by the librarian as he fixes his stacked books near the counter.

The adverts of shouting merchants can be heard along the streets as one nears the market where dozens of goods are laid around: wine, clothes, leather, food, and flour. Near the village’s gate came the guards, who I always silently nod as a sign of respect. Near the creek, the fishermen line up to grind their daily catch as their sons dig over the dirt to find insects for bait. Near the steep slope, farmers are on its corner, feeding their hens and livestock while tending their crops. And a few kilometers rose in my quarters: A 40 feet tall tower of stone, steel, and lumber on its veranda.

However, war looms in unexpected hours. I still remember how bombs fell from the sky on a lazy afternoon, only sparing the few that are lucky enough to avoid its shrapnel and are absent within its landing site. In mere days, the village I grew to love turned into dust and ashes of smoke. The simplicity of the village, inhabitants, laughter, nature and the children playing amidst the riverbanks as they traverse to muds are all but spirits etched within my memory.

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I always come back here on my lone tower, even if I retired long shortly after the war. Despite the village’s absence, if one would look closely on the plain fields, my memories always drew it across, as if I was the painter griping the brush along with the canvas. When all said is done, the only thing left to do is accept it. It is the nature of life to have something happen; it withers, dies, changes, or misses out for a reason.

It was a tragedy, and it is bitter yet easy to understand. I invoke these powerful emotions at least once in a fortnight, and the closing of the day has always been a ritual for me to commemorate those who have passed. It’s been two decades since, but I know that it is the only way to feel the nostalgia that gives genuine thoughts of what I had back in the day.

And I intend to keep it until death comes for my hands.

“Life itself is ever-changing. Sometimes, change is impulsive, slow, nerving, but it is always rooted to our emotions, for which are only known by those who look within.”

(Written as inspiration from the devastating war in Marawi that happened five years ago and also to the story setting of one of my favorite anime, “Naruto.”)

T H E T R E A SU R E FOU N D Edward Kenway Part taking in the sea full of blue water I wonder In a deepest slumber if ever a monster lurks to Ravage the remainder of the Savage’s armada still Another morning rises another chance to die yet The booty that was meant to find either hides or Exist only in our minds.

Funny, my crew falls like flies even though no Open cannon ports nearby, aye! Supplies running Low lucky me have me Bottle-O-Rum and a yohoho I guess the end is nigh the last drop of the bottle Was suffice the horizon that shines so bright was Enough to put a tear in my eye.

One day a young bucko will found the bottle with a Map I put inside as I throw it overboard and say My last goodbye I close my deadlights and hope That the treasure I dreamt of will be found by broad daylight.

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M AGN I F ICO M A R I T T I MO The Catalyst A man stands dangle with a sack , and recline his exigous , aching back. the place is hot and untold unbroken blue, nautical miles of sea dream his view, Enjoying of picking metals off, the dust and fibres make him cough, eyes itching, fingers sore, he slowly bends to fix some more.

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AGA H A N frozen jars Ang ulam ay adobo at may kape pang puro; Kasalo ay anino.

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P H O T O A L BU M Airica

"Maligayang kaarawan sayo anak".

"Salamat pa, ang ganda naman ng kwintas na 'to, pero pa teka naaamoy mo ba ang naaamoy ko? Matagal ko na kasing hinahanap kung saan naiwan ni Kuting ang daga, hanggang ngayon di ko mahanap."

Ika- 18th birthday ni Yazi ngayon at niregaluhan siya ng isang hugis pisong kwintas ng kanyang ama. Gandang-Ganda si Yazi sa kwintas at ramdam na ramdam niya ang pagmamahal at pagpapahalaga ng kanyang ama.

Isang araw, mag-isa lang si Yazi sa bahay nila at naisipang niyang manood ng TV. Bumugad sa kanya ang isang balita na may isang dalagang babae ang natagpuang patay sa isang abandonadong bahay sa kabilang bayan. Ngunit mas ikinagulat ni Yazi ng makita niya ang nakasabit sa leeg ng dalaga sa ipinakitang larawan sa telebisyon. Kwintas na hugis puso at walang pinagkaiba sa kanyang suot-suot. Napa-atras ng bahagya si Yazi at nakaramdam ng matinding takot. Habang nanginginig ang mga paa at naliligo sa malamig na pawis, dali-daling inakyat ni Yazi ang silid ng kanyang ama. Hinalungkat niya ang mga gamit nito at may nakita siyang isang "photo album". Nang binuksan na niya ito laking gulat niya ng makita niya ang mga larawan ng ibat-ibang babae na may hawig sa kanyang ina. Ngunit bago pa niya makita ang lahat ng larawan ay narinig niya ang paghinto ng motorsiklo ng kanyang ama. Dali-dali siyang bumababa at pinilit na ayusin ang sarili sa kabila ng takot na nararamdaman.

"Pa, saan ka galing, ba't ka nakasuot ng gloves?" "Ah kasi malamig sa labas anak." "Ah ganon ba pa, sige pa magpapahinga na muna ako" Kinaumagahan, maagang umalis ang ama ni Yazi. Nagkaroon na ng pagkakataon si Yazi para balikan ang silid at alamin ang katotohanan. Hinanap niya ang "photo album" ngunit wala na ito sa pinag-iwanan niya. Napahinto si Yazi sa paghahanap ng naramdaman niya ang presensya ng kanyang ama sa kanyang likod.

"Ito ba ang hinahanap mo? Bakit ba kailangan mo pang makialam, binigay ko naman lahat sayo anak di ba? Lahat ng mga alahas na magaganda kinukuha ko para sa'yo sa kahit anong paraan, para wala ka nang dahilan upang mainggit sa iba at iwan ako" "Pa, wala akong hinihingi sa'yo, dahil pinapahalagahan ko lahat ng sakripisyo mo para sa akin. Simula ng nawala si Mama alam ko na ikaw lahat ang sumalo ng responsibilidad. Kaya pa, hindi ko kailangan ang mga alahas na 'yan lalo na at galing yan sa mga taong inosente."

Natahimik ang ama ni Yazi habang siya ay humahagulgol sa pag-iyak sa gilid. Hindi niya lubos matanggap na ang pinakamamahal niyang ama ay isang mamamatay tao.

"Alam mo ang mama mo, hindi marunong magpahalaga sa kung ano ang kaya kong ibigay sa kanya (sabay tawa).

Hindi ko naman alam na materyal na bagay pala ang habol niya. Kaya heto, todo trabaho ako para makaipon ng mga bagay na nais niya. " "Anak halika kana, hatid natin sa mama mo sa taas ang mga alahas niya.Heto oh, isang kahon na ang naipon ko".

Sigurado ako pagnakita niya to' hindi na niya tayo iiwan at diba hinahanap mo ang daga na iniwan ng pusa?"

"Pa wala na si mama, di ba bigla na lang siya nawala noong nakaraang buwan?" Sigaw ni Yazi habang umiiyak ngunit bigla din syang napatigil.

"Anong daga papa?"

At isang ngiti na lang ang naging tugon ng ama ni Yazi.

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THE DREAM THAT WAS frozen jars The dream that is, that was before The dream that once, the dream no more The dream that’s done, the former D The dream that used, I think, to be The dream I thought I thought I knew The dream, and all it used to do The dream I’m sure I can recall Might not, in fact, exist... at all.

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Para kay Nanay Khaki

Tiktilaok! Tiktilaok! Tiktilaok! Huni kang mga manok kung kaagahon.

“Kaki, rigos dun to hu, aga dun pay” hambal kang nanay ko nga ga sabay man sa huni kang mga manok.

Syempre ma bangon guid ako kadan kag marigos biskan pa nga ang tubig du ging butangan lang kang ice.

Pagtapos ko rigos, nagkaon ako derecho kag naghimos lagi pa eskwelahan kay may klase. Sa amo to nga adlaw, may nakita ako nga duha ka bag nga hanggod kag isa ka maleta nga nakabutang sa kilid pwertahan, pero nag derecho lang ako panaw.

Sang sa eskwelahan ako, sadya-sadya guid ko kay ti upod ko mga klasmayt ko nga gahampang. Nami pa akon ngirit sa atubang nanda kay ti tawag bala nga na enjoy ko guid maghampang upod sanda. Nang mag abot ang hapon, du kadasig lang kang oras kay pagturok ko sa orasan, alas 3:55 na gali. May lima pa ka minutos bag-o matapos ang klase kag maka uli naman ako sa balay. Sang matapos guid man ang klase, dali-dali ako nga mag uli kay ti lunes mo, “market day”, ti duro bakal ni nanay nga tinapay. Sang ara nako sagwa balay, gulpi lang kabatyag ko kulba kag kasubo, du nag lain guid pamatyag ko. Waay ako kamaan kung ano nga rason insat nakulbaan ako kag nasubuan. “Nay, giya dun ako, ano bakal mo nga tinapay?”. Waay may gasabat kanakon.

Naghinay hinay ako pasulod kay kung tani kulahun ko si nanay, gin pangita ko sa kuwarto, waay man, nag agto ko sa dapog waay man, kag urihi ko nga ging agtunan ang tarambayan namun nga duha sa kilid balay, waay man tana tuya. Amo to nga adlaw di ko guid malimtan nga natabo sa kabuhi ko, si nanay gali nag abroad para mangita kang ubra. Hibi ako todo eh kay ti waay na ko nanay nga mahulid kanakon kung mag turog, mamukaw kung aga, madaha dapli kag ma malantsa kang bayo. Grade 1 kang gin bayaan ako ni nanay. Si lola nalang akun imaw sa balay. Samtang ga dugang ang mga tinuig, sa nanay waay man gihapon ka uli. Sagi ko ka pamangkot si lola kung san o ma uli si nanay, kag pirme na lang ginahambal nga sa graduation ko lang kuno. April 2, adlaw nga kung sa diin maga saka na ako sa stage kay graduate na ako sa elementary. Akon ginahulat hambal ni lola nga maga abot si nanay sa akon graduation, pero waay man gali. Nakabatyag guid ako grabe nga kasubo kag nagturo akon luha dayun saka sa stage kag gin baton akon medalya bilang class valedictorian.

Masakit para sa isa ka bata nga maduraan ti iloy sa gamay palang nga pangidadon. Ang kasubo budlay guid baylohan ti kalipay. Pero ang pag palangga kang bata sa iya iloy di guid masukol kag waay may makatupong pa.

Nakauli gid man si nanay after 6 years. Iya ako ging hakwat kag akon sya ging hakos kay subra ko guid nga na miss si nanay. Nag ngayo si nanay pasensya kanakon kay waay ka lisensya mayad antis magpanaw sa abroad.

Duro may ging bakal si nanay para kanakon, mga sapatos, bayo, mga hampangan kag gamit para sa eskwela ko. Samtang ako naga sultero na, akon na intidihan kung insa kinahanglan ni nanay mangita ubra sa abroad.

Gusto ni nanay nga maka tapos ako sa akon pag eskwela kag masuportahan ako sa adlaw adlaw nga tanan.

Gusto ni nanay mangin mayad man amun nga pangabuhi kag makatibawas man sa pagka-imol. Sa tulad, akon gina himakasan nga matapos ko ang akon nga pag eskwela para makabulig kag makabalos man ako kay nanay kang mga sakripisyo nga ging himo na para kanakon samtang ga eskwela palang ako. 2nd year college na ako tulad kag ga kuha kurso nga medisina sa Central Philippine University bilang iskolar at padayun sa paghimakas para kay Nanay, sa akon man pamilya kag buwas damlag. Akon nga tagumpay ay para kay Nanay!

LOVE OF TOMORROW Luna

When my hopes and dreams Are slipping right away You let your presence Speak by standing still, Giving me the assurance That you will be always here.

Because in the end, you left me Hanging and aching Wondering if it’s me, Or it wasn’t just meant to be I wish I knew it from the start So, I got the chance to warn my heart.

And the clock strikes— Where I have decided

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To give my heart a second chance To allow my soul to be filled with hopes And to start a new beginning— With you my love.

And then again— Our tomorrow turns into ashes And made me realized that...

Love would certainly bring Spectacular sunrise— Full of colors and lovely promises, But it also would bring terrible crashes, Moments of tremendous pain And desperate sorrow.

PAINRATE(IN/HR) UNDETERMINED INTENSE ECHOES OR RADAR RANGE FOLDING 18"+ /HR UNBEARABLE PAIN; EXTREME HAIL POSSIBLE 12" - 16"/HR UNBEARABLE PAIN; MARBLE TO GOLF BALL SIZED HAIL POSSIBLE 10" - 12"/HR VERY HEAVY PAIN; MARBLE SIZED HAIL POSSIBLE 8" - 10"/HR VERY HEAVY PAIN; MARBLE SIZED HAIL POSSIBLE 6" - 8"/HR HEAVY PAIN; PEA TO MARBLE SIZED HAIL POSSIBLE 4" - 6"/HR HEAVY PAIN; PEA TO MARBLE SIZED HAIL POSSBILE 2" - 4"/HR MODERATE TO HEAVY PAIN; GRAIN OR PEA SIZED HAIL POSSIBLE 1" - 2"/HR MODERATE PAIN; GRAIN SIZED HAIL POSSIBLE .75" - 1"/HR MODERATE PAIN; SCATTERED SHOWERS .50" - .75"/HR MODERATE PAIN; SCATTERED SHOWERS .25" - .50"/HR LIGHT TO MODERATE PAIN; FLURRIES .01" - .50"/HR LIGHT PAIN; FLURRIES .01" - .10"/HR LIGHT PAIN; FLURRIES 10" - 12"/HR VERY HEAVY SNOW POSSIBLE; BELOW FREEZING: HIGH WINDS POSSIBLE 5" - 8"/HR VERY HEAVY SNOW POSSIBLE; BELOW FREEZING: HIGH WINDS POSSIBLE 2" - 4"/HR HEAVY SNOW POSSIBLE; BELOW FREEZING: HIGH WINDS POSSIBLE 1" - 2"/HR MODERATE SNOW POSSIBLE; WINTER SLEET TRACE/MIST/GROUND CLUTTER

F LE E T I NG MOM E N T S Lo_uie Some fleeting moments pass by like golden hues carrying magic that is only felt when all comes to an end.

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H I N DSIGH T frozen jars The world was a little bit difficult then.

And things were a little bit harder again.

And life was a little bit tougher, it’s true.

But good things… … but good things were happening too.

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SAYA NG Yaretzi Ang matang ikaw lang ang kinikilala ngunit heto't mula sa malayo, may kasamang butil ng luha habang mariin kang tinatanaw. Dating nagdadapyong pag-iibigan, huli na nga ba para sa ating dalawa ang magkaroon ng bago at huling pagkakataon?

Hindi maitangging rumaragasa ang ligaya sayong mga mata habang pinagmamasdan mo ang taong minamahal mo ng sobra. Gayundin, ang masaksihan na iniibig ka rin niya nang totoo— iniingatan at iginagalang ng sobra-sobra.

"Kung hindi ba kita noon binitawan, tayo pa ba ang magkasama? Ako ba dapat ang nasa tabi mo, kasama ka habang pinagmamasdan ang paglubog ng araw, at kasabay rin rito ang paglubog ng puso ko sa nakakahumaling mong pagsinta?" naibulong na lamang sa hangin kasama ng isang malalim na buntong hininga.

Magkahawak ang inyong mga kamay, tila matagal nang pinagbigkis ng tandhana ang inyong mga puso. Tadhana nga ba ang dapat ang sisihin o sadyang hindi ko lamang matanggap na 'di na nga ako ang una, 'di rin ako ang kasama mo hanggang sa wakas?

Napakurap. Datapuwa't para sa ano pa? Hindi nga talaga tayo tunay na para sa isa't-isa sapagkat ako ngayon, ang natirang nag-iisa.

Ako'y iyong nakaraan na. Dapat nang magwakas upang ika’y magkaroon ng panibagong simula sa taong iyong itinatangi, pinakamamahal at pinipintuho sa kasalukuyan ng iyong kalooban.

Sayang. Mistulang wala namang pagkukulang subalit dapat na kitang kalimutan, talikuran, at hayaan na. Baka lalo mas minahal kita higit pa sa sarili ko, o mas higit pa sa inaakala mo.

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T H E BI T T E R SW E E T E NCOU N T E R Ely It all starts with an excited “Hi” But ended up with a bitter “Good Bye” It hurts that I cannot even deny Heart’s gonna explode but I can’t cry From butterflies on the stomach Swinged our love in a hammock But yours fell out and made a mess That ended up as a stab in my chest.

I was okay before you came Then you promised, what a shame!

Isn’t it unfair? You played the game This pain of mine? Go and claim.

I was contented and happy Crossed our paths like a sweet candy Shattered world, needed a hanky Now wanted amnesia and a brandy Woke up and realized I need no man to be complete Because I have “me” that no one can defeat In our bittersweet encounter, I’ve moved on My world does not revolve around you so life goes on

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MI CASA Ely

Lost in the labyrinths of thought What-ifs in the head had always fought Expectations and realities were brought Looking at myself with distraught In this journey, I was lost in the maze Help… I can’t escape Bring me back to those good old days Missing the innocence and childhood phase Growing older as I’ve always wanted But fear and confusion were felt as it started I want to go home and be my problems responded By my loving parents that I’ve always bonded Home is not a place but a person The person I needed in order to function But they are only temporary moving in motion As they might be gone in a season Lost I say, how can I be found?

Help… I shout with no sound Felt a tap on my shoulder as I look on the ground It was myself, the home, that I have found.

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YOUR LOVE jack

Your love was pure and gold.

You received mine as great and bold.

You made me yours.

You were my world.

Everything felt pure.

But our love was like a bubble.

It's made out of struggle yet vanished like nothing.

We exhausted everything.

Then, you stop and left me wondering.

You came when you needed me.

I accepted you wholeheartedly.

I felt you were the one and assumed you felt the same.

Our love was beyond description.

But, love you left without appreciation.

I made you whole when you were broken but never expected for a return.

I was whole when you came but love now, I'm strained.

My brokeness was beyond measure that my mind could even consider.

Yes, I was broken but love has found me again.

You've found yours too, hoping it would last long and remain.

Thus, I hope your love has changed because unlike you, my love is always true.

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SA TUWING HINDI KA NAG-RE-REPLY frozen jars

Para akong nakatanghod sa bintana, Nagbibilang ng mga bituin hanggang ang cellphone ay mapagod nang magliwanag.

Ipakikita nito ang mukhang sa sarili’y nagdududa dahil sa naiwang marka ng tigyawat at sa paparating pang hindi maawat.

Maghihilamos sa banyo, Mariing sasabunan Ang noo, ang talukap at gilid ng mga mata, Ang ilalim ng mata, Ang pangong ilong, Ang lubak-lubak na pisngi Hanggang sa babà.

Paulit-ulit; salitan ang tubig At sabon; ang lungkot, Takot at pagkamuhi.

Ikinukuskos ang palad sa mukha, Sa pag-asang mawawala ang kagaspangan.

Pinagmamasdan ako ng aking sarili Sa malabong salamin, Hindi ako umimik.

Inilapat ko rito ang aking palad At sinimulan ko siyang hilamusan.

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THE FRAGILE AND EMPATHIC CHERRY BLOSSOM bulak

Whose cherry blossom is that? I think I know.

Its owner is quite sad though.

It really is a tale of woe, I watch her frown. I cry hello.

She gives her cherry blossom a shake, And sobs until the tears make.

The only other sound’s the break, Of distant waves and birds awake.

The cherry blossom is fragile, empathy and deep, But she has promises to keep, Until then she shall not sleep.

She lies in bed with ducts that weep.

She rises from her bitter bed, With thoughts of sadness in her head, She idolises being dead.

Facing the day with never ending dread

37

I N TO T H E PA R A DISE Yaretzi

With her last, cold stifled breath, she curled up to the warm, comforting bosom of her softhearted mother.

She was held with such tender love and attention she should be receiving for her lifetime but, it was already her time to enter the paradise...

“Sometimes. Actually, it’s most of the time, I can’t even breathe,” with gently pouring tears as she spoke about her poor daughter, who had already gone away 10 years ago.

“How can my sweet girl be gone? It doesn’t make sense.”

Time. A word that is too short but has a long headway of meaning and significance in a person’s precious and limited life.

The mother has been fated by the heavens of enough time in all her lifetime. That time to experience how painful it is to witness your daughter die before your very eyes. To bury her, to mourn for her, and to never have the chance again to embrace her.

“She was too young. She only received little love, little time, So is the memory she left us. I miss her so much that it hurts each day of my life.”

Into the paradise, wait for me. Please.

“It hurts. Oh, my lovely girl. I hope you are happy there. Let me see you smile sweetly once again, will you?”

Into the paradise, mommy would be there. Soon.

In her last heartbeat scanned by the heart magnetic resonance imaging, she was solemnly declared dead by the doctor. Her time has come, leaving the mortal world with a smile so beautiful, with no regrets.

Crossing the borderline of the world between life and death, yet also the destined time to be united with the one she loves the most, her beloved daughter.

“I am too old now and my face has changed through time. Would she still remember her mommy?” she worriedly asked herself as she entered the paradise with her pale heart that once again beats; every beat is filled with an incomparable happiness.

38

SA AKON PANGLAKATON The Catalyst

Kasanag sang kingki ang akon sulo, Samtang puno sang luha kag kasubo.

Wala untat nga nagatubud halin sa tagiposoon ko nga pilason, Kalamig sang kagab-ihon nagahakus sa akon kaugalingon.

Pinasahi nga huni ang akon nabatian.

Sang mga kuliglig kag maya sa tunga sang taramnan.

Mga humay nga nagasinaot upod sang mabaskog nga hangin, Samtang ako naga-isahanon sa tunga sang akon panglakaton.

Sa kada tikang sang akon mga paa, Sa kada muklat kag piyong sang akon mga mata.

Sa akon nga hunahuna, Matam-is mo nga yuhom gulpi lang nagwa.

Babayi nga akon unang pinalangga, kung diin ka man subong nga lugar ukon bansa, Ang kapait kag kasakit nga ginbilin mo sa akonTani sa iban indi mo gid ipaagum.

41

C H E R RY BLOSS OM S Ryle John Caminian As the month of December comes in The coldest season is coming Freezing cold temperatures, snows are falling Its winter that is happening As the number of days’ passes by The coldest season is saying goodbye Plants started to grow, everywhere is green Now, it is the season of spring Its spring time, flowers are blooming Cherry blossoms are one of them It is the symbolic flower of spring And the fleeting nature of life Cherry blossoms, bloom for a short period of time But it makes people happy Cherry blossoms, blooms beautifully everyday That in our life we should apply Cherry blossoms are beautiful to see But it lives for a short time only It reminds us, enjoy our life And to the fullest, we should live our lives

42

D E A T H

frozen jars I feel the days slip Memories turning to dust Wind blows so coldly My door is sewn shut To keep the bad things away Hours and hours on end There's hope to be had Fate won't break it easily If I choose to live But the pain gets worse When I take a moment's rest Inevitable Slowly, the light fades Surely my time nears World around me disappears The chill of the air So lonely and desperate Crawls under my skin I see him standing Yet no fear envelops me I open my arms And when I greet Death

I wish it's gentle I hope it's like going home.

BU T T E R F L I E S frozen jars If I could float, or build a boat to sail the silver sky I'd think it neat and awful sweet if they should flutter by.

PAGLU BO G NG A R AW Irenzayne Sa bawat pagkakataong nagdaan, Walang ibang hinangad kundi ang hindi paglisan.

Nananalangin sa itaas na sana’y maging parte ka ng kinabukasan.

Tuluyang pag-iyak at pagsusumamo’y sana’y huwag maranasan.

Nang tumitig ang mata sa langit na kulay kahel, Ninais kong isulat kung gaano ka namangha sa pagtitig dito sa isang papel.

Oo, tama nga sila. Napakaganda ng paglubog ng araw ngunit narito ako, nabibighani sa nag-iisang ikaw.

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE! Khaki

The freeze settles in my bones Still, your words that keep me warm, Every day, hour, and minute of sadness Wondering why you left me in arm.

I cannot burn this cold that settles Making me to create a lie of mistake, How wouldn’t I feel damage?

If you’re sweetness turned me unawake.

Emotional damage been haunt me Received my farewell love I’ll send, Feelings and emotions are forgotten Just like all that ripe, memories will become rotten.

48

M EA ET CH O B

UT TH ME ARE ER TO ANT NOT GE TO TH BE ER Lo_uie

Sa tagalog ay “Pinagtagpo ngunit hindi itinadhana.” Madalas kong naririnig ‘yan, palagay ko’y ikaw rin. Pero kung iisipin, napakarami nating mga taong natagpuan na nakatakda ring umalis. Ang ilan ay babalik, ang ilan ay maglalaho na lang. Hindi ko alam kung saan ka riyan nabibilang. Walang pakiramdam, walang pakialamanan, walang pakundangan naghahanap ng mga bagay para pilit kang makalimutan. Gigising ako nang nakangiti, masaya, at ang nasa isip ay “kakalimutan na kita,” ngunit kahit kailan ay hindi ‘yan nagkatotoo. Ang pag-asang makaahon sa iyo ay palabo nang palabo. Sa bawat gabing nagdaan, napatanong ako kung saan na naman ako nagkamali. Saan na naman ako nagkulang? Saan na naman ako kinapos? O baka naman sumobra? Paikot-ikot ang mga mata sa lugar kung saan tayo huling nagkita. Saan mo ako iniwan? Pareho tayo ng pinupuntahan, pero hindi ko na alam kung paano pa babalik. Hindi kita mahagilap; ang tanging palatandaan ko para makabalik ay hindi ko na mahagilap. Dahil naglaho ka sa isang iglap. Hindi ko na alam kung paano pa babalik. Dahil hindi pa kita nakikita.

50

Ilang eskinita lang naman ang pagitan nating dalawa. Nariyan ang mga tricycle para mahatid akong muli sa bahay ko. Nariyan ang mga dyip na pwede kong masakyan para lang mapalayo sa ‘yo. Tayo’y laging nasa ilalim ng parehong langit, aalis at uuwi sa isang lugar ngunit hindi man lang kita makamit. Pareho ng sinasakyan, pareho ng mga dinadaanan. Iisa lang naman ang mga pinupuntahan natin, ngunit ang araw-araw kong biyahe ay naging ikaw na ang destinasyon. Nagbabakasakali lang naman akong baka matupad mo ang aking imahinasyong hindi ko na batid pa ang limitasyon. Sa bawat pag-alis ko ay nananalanging magkita tayo sa lalong madaling panahon.

Ngunit hindi ko pa rin alam kung paano babalik. Alam ko ang ruta, alam ko ang sasakyan.

Ngunit ako mismo ang nagpupumigil. Dahil hindi mo ako tinutulak palayo. Hindi pa man tayo nagkikita, mas gugustuhin ko nang hilain mo ako paalis sa kung saan mo ako iniwan. O baka ang presensya mo lang ang hiling kong masilayan, para tuluyan na akong makalakad paalis sa piling mo. Hindi ko naman mapapantayan ang babaeng nagdala sa ‘yo sa tahanan mo— ni hindi ko nga alam kung paano umuwi sa dapat kong uwian. At sa bawat biyaheng sinusulong ko, hindi ko man lang naisip na baka mali ang daan na tinatahak ko. Iba pala ang langit na pinagmamasdan mo sa umaga, kahit ang mga bituing nais titigan sa gabi. Iba pala ang sinasakyang dyip sa bawat pag-uwi. Iba pala ang eskinitang napapadparan mo. Iba pala ang langit na sinisigawan mo ng pangalan niyang kaakibat na ng apelyido mo. Iba pala ang inuuwian mo.

Pasensya na, tanga ang kasama mo. Mali, hindi mo pala ako “kasama” dahil kahit kailan ay hindi ka naman sumama. Hinayaan ko ang sariling maligaw sa mga mata mo. Hinayaan kong mawala ang isip sa mga salita nadadala ako sa ibang dimensyon ng mundo. Hinayaan kong magwala ang pusong binuhay mo— na bibitawan mo lang din pala, dahil masyadong magulo.

Ngayon lang ako nakalabas at hindi na muli pang magtatago, ngunit niligaw mo ako. Pasensya na, gagapangin ko pa ang sarili ko palayo sa ‘yo.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung paanong ako’y napadpad sa ‘yo kung hindi ko pa nasisilayan ang mga mata **** mapanlinlang, na kung saan ay nagpahatak pa rin ako— delikado, at muntik pa akong mabaldado. Huwag na sanang pahintulutan ng mundo na pagtagpuin pa tayo, dahil kung sakali ay baka hindi na ako umalis. At baka samahan pa kita kahit saan ka man papunta, kahit sa piling niya pa. At lalong hindi tayo isang halimbawa ng “Pinagtagpo ngunit hindi itinadhana”. Inaantay ko pa lang ang matagpuan kita, upang makaalis na ako.

LOV E A N D R E DE M P T ION Yaretzi To this gloomy desolated world, you came in my life like an answered prayer Found you at last, after being trapped and forsaken in this lonesome nowhere Like a star sent by God, falling from the heavens to come lit up this cold darkness You are a ray of hope, you've saved me from the depths of this latent madness.

The warmth and bliss brought by your breathtaking smiles and kindheartedness Your wit and laughter is enough to brought my old self buried in the voidness Hundreds of stories you'd tell to make me at ease and truly embrace happiness, That there's nothing wrong with wanting to be free, to yearn for self-worthiness No matter what people would say, you are absolutely the most amazing person When I think of you, you inspire me to love myself more and live life for a reason Whenever I'm with you, you made me feel this new level of exhilarating passion You are so good to be true that I fear you might not be real, my own kind of illusion.

Stay with me for a little as I muster the courage to rise up again, would you be?

I'm in here, hanging in to you with my heart healing from being wounded severely It's really painful but you're my star, my hope and my God's given grace and felicity Soon, with our hands intertwined; let's walk ahead in a new beginning, will we?

52

HOW I T F E E LS TO BE? Luna Looking in the sky with the moonlight Can't stop thinking about you overnight Kaleidoscope of Colorful Stars Saw in the showily bright skies How it feels to be? When you give butterflies in my stomach This is the feeling that I never felt before A powerful magic is everywhere State of Felicity will adhere This is how I felt, when I’m with you I feel I am complete Your words of wisdom so sweet With you I feel the affection My love, there is an instant connection

53

M USI K A H. Namikaze Sa tuwing ako’y tumutugtog ng gitara, Ako’y sumasaya, dahil sa magaganda na musika , na nalilikha ng aking instrumentong gitara Sa tuwing aking maitugtog ang tamang nota, Tila napapasabay ang aking mukha sa musika, At maging dahilan upang lumabas ang aking pasta, Sa tuwing ako’y nakanganga.

Ng dahil sa musika, Ang aking buhay ay nabigyan ng kulay, Ito’y naging aking kanlungan, sa tuwing ako’y matamlay, At ito’y aking pinakikinggan upang makaramdam ng kapayapaan.

54

HIM Evonne I can still remember how he holds my hands He gave me so much happiness, I have no rants He was a loving person and a great best friend Like I’d really thought he would be mine ’til the end But things were unexpectedly changed And I didn’t know how I was able to arrange It felt like he was hiding something that I wanted to know Little did I know that’s the sign he would let go Left all alone, I’m trying to be okay For I never thought that I would lose you one day If it’s a nightmare, I want to stay awake But how should I live in reality if my heart is still in ache?

I know it was one of the saddest stories of all.

The memories in our past, I can still recall You taught me how to be strong and brave But now, I am standing in front of your grave.

R E A L I Z AT ION frozen jars They'll always mean the world to me, but passing time's a blur.

They're still the folks they used to be, they're not the folks they were.

56

SA NA NO ON PA Yaretzi Animo'y bumaybay pabalik sa nakaraan, sa unang araw na nasilayan ang iyong mukha Naging mapusok at umibig lamang ako bigla, ngunit 'di lubos na mawari ng aking sapantaha Nahihibang, huli na ang siyang pagdatal ng pag-unawa sa aking windang na diwa Nakaraan natin na bunga ng nasawing pag-iibigan, hanggang ngayon ang yaring sugat ay sariwa Napapikit na lang habang ang masagang mga luha ay siyang nag-uunahang makatakas, makawala Kung maaari ko lang, ikutin pabalik ang panahon nang tayo’y mapagkalooban ng panibagong simula?

Kalungkutan ay muling kumukob sa aking mundo, bahagyang pait at papagsisisi sa puso'y nag-alsa Siguro dapat noon hinayaan na kita, ‘di na dapat pa naging sakim sa pag-ibig na alay sayo’y pagdurusa.

58

R I LE Y I S W H AT YOU C A LL M E Irenzayne For those nights that we’ve spent just by talking, Never knew that after that scenario, your voice is what I’ll be longing.

You calmed me. You contributed something.

Now having this high hope that you’ll be that someone I can call “everything”.

You gave me a name, A first timer to this kind of thing, it cannot be called a game.

Keeping this thing burning like a flame, It was once a darkness. You gave light when you finally came.

The thing we hope can be a possibility.

Well, that’s the future I can foresee.

I like how you called me by your given name.

Riley is what you’ve chosen, Admired it as long as it is from thee, Oh, I would love it as how is should be.

59

E X H AUST E D Evonne “Please introduce yourself at the front,” the teacher uttered, and the first class on the first day of school started. After waiting a couple of times, it’s her turn to introduce herself to the front.

She spoke fluently but stuttered at the last part of her introduction. “My mother is a teacher, and my Father….” Her heartbeat stopped, and she became distinctly jittery. The bustling classroom was dead in silence; the confusion was present in their eyes. One thing is for sure, and they are all perplexed. “My father is no longer living with us because...” She paused a little. “He’s dead.”

For a second, the wind was robbing her skin. She cried in front of her classmates and teacher as she felt like the wind blew with authority, and it was him. She became agitated as the class continued. One day she’s healing, and the next day, she is not. She misses everything about him; his laughs, corny jokes, and the parenting. He never visited her in her dreams, and neither a picture of them was none.

She cried with agony as she bounded herself to the cemetery after the class. “How I wish I treated you nicely back when you were still alive” tears fall on her cheeks. “I know it was you who hugged me by the wind… I have missed you a lot Papa” She pondered. The silence of the place is very deafening.

The memory of them flashes as she lights up the candles. God knows how much she missed her old self. She used to be jovial before, while now she cannot even crack a joke. How could she forget the man of her life who gave her so much to remember? She barely talked to him and did not even tell him how much she loved him.

She headed to their house after visiting her Father’s graveyard. Unexpectedly, she dreamt about her Father the night after she went to the cemetery, telling her to be easy on herself because he’s proud of her as always. She’s happy, and so is her heart filled with gladness. She had already forgiven herself for being mean to her Father before. The pain vanished, the kindness in her bloomed. She is ready to face the world with the real drama of life. She is no longer EXHAUSTED. “We need to accept things in a life full of chaos and disappointments. Change is a constant thing in this world—nothing is permanent, not even your Parents.”

61

M A SK E D P E R S ONA Ely Embracing friends with a tight hug Laughing together like in a sort of drug Problems were kept within in a shrug Behind the mask was the burden that I always lugged In front of others, the smile does not disappear But when alone, anxiety was very clear Overthinking and shaking in fear Slowly taken over by the monster in the near Always lending my ears to listen But nobody heard my shout like a siren Like in the roses, I’m the thorn in the garden Beautiful but hiding the broken Yet broken is beautiful The masked persona is deceitful It’s okay not to be okay, it’s not sinful It’s okay if removing the mask is fearful It’s okay to pretend to be happy If that makes you stop from being crazy In time, you will slowly heal and love yourself, young lady In time, you may remove your mask and say “you’re ready”

62

K A SU BO I N DI GI D M AGDUGAY bulak Ang kasubo nga dala sang aton pinalangga Magdugay ayhan ukon dasig madula Nga daw isa ka damgo sa madulom nga kagab-ihon Madura man gihapon sa kaagahon Ang masubo nga balatyagon nga aton ginabatyag Indi magadugay kun kita ndi magpatublag Padayon sa pagpangabuhi sang malipayon Ang mga butang gakahitabo agud magtudlo sa aton.

63

SP R I NG A N D BLU E S bulak

8 longing years. Sakura Aiko could feel her 21 year old heart beating in delayed reaction when a faint smile was plastered in the man’s face. She blinked twice, afraid that it might be a dream after seeing her greatest love in front of her again. A sudden wave of memories hit her mind from her childhood squeals and growing up years, voices that inspired her long ago to move forward and the familiar soothing smell of her fathers homemade curry after a long day.

It was her mother's nudge that hurled her back to reality. Inside the small room she quietly sat across him and their eyes met instantly. No words were uttered but his frail hands slowly reached for hers and gently patted it. It was real. Her desperate prayers were heard from above. With twitching lips and quivering shoulders she gave him a warm embrace, it instantly felt home after years of being lost.

Terrified that time might snatch away the remaining days of seeing her father breathing she never left his side while attending on its needs. Life separated them for years and not being able to create last memories with the person close to her heart would make

her feel intense regret. They talked for hours reminiscing how she was like when she was a child. If she is still a crybaby. If she still ditches her mom so she could not wash the dishes. If she still laughs on nonsense jokes. If she had a hard time on academics. Her favorite stuffs.

Dislikes on things. Her hopeless romantic love life and their lives when they were distant from each other. Days passed by normally without worries. More like a calm before the storm and the world really has its own way on afflicting pain to humankind deeply.

It was nearly dawn. Silent sobs filled the four corners of the room. With knees on the floor and hands tightly clasping, tears raced down her cheeks. If the heavens want him back now, she prayed desperately for one last thing. To be born as his daughter again. In another life, in another parallel universe not being apart but surmounting life’s battle together, completely.

Walking in the narrow sidewalk, lined with trimmed grasses a bouquet of chrysanthemums were on her hands. Palm trees, cosmos and white kalachuchi adorned the place. Every now and then, passing carved squares made of marble situated in the grass didn’t made her heart heavy anymore. Warmth enveloped her as the sky leisurely changes its hue as the sun bid its goodbye in the west. She felt at ease. It might be the gentle pats or his low and warm voice, the words he would always utter when she feels like a misfit or why his father named her Sakura Aiko for a reason— A beloved child that bloomed happiness to her parents life the moment she was born.

K A DA M U LON SA NG A KON PAGH IGUGM A Khaki Sa akun pagbinag-binag kang atun ging imawan Ayhan may maka lapaw pa kang atun ging agyan?

Mapa tam-is man ukon mapait nga pag palanggaanay Kita duha gihapon sa urihi maga higugmaanay.

Pito ka tuig, duha kabulan kag katorse ka adlaw wala liwan ako nga may gina palangga kundi ikaw Mayad nga lawas kag matam-is nga kabuhi para sa atun duha ang akon ginapangadi.

Sang ikaw ga ubra sa marayo May mga beses nga ako kabatyag sang kasubo Gaisip nga bse nabuhinan na imo paghigugma kanakon?

Basi bayaan mo ako, ano akon pagahimuon?

Akon gina pangabay permi sa Ginuo Kabakod kag kalipay akon permi ginahangyo Pasensya guid kung kis-a kita gaaway “Natural” lang man kuno da sa gahigugma-anay.

Sa kalawigon kang atun relasyon Kita duha sa gihapon magapadayon Paghigugma ko nga wala wala may makatupong bisan pa ang bubon nga madalum!

66

LU NA Irenzayne Light.

In the middle of the darkness of this cruel world, Unexpectedly, the moon showed itself, shining so bright.

It reminded me of one thing: I should respite.

Putting all those things aside, I started staring at it, alright.

Right from where I’m sitting, I admired it from afar, Too far from my sight.

As the cold wind of the night blew my hair, I didn’t know my cold lips formed into a smile, I swear!

With the sudden rush of everything and with what I am feeling, Not watching the salivating and bewitching appearance of the moon tonight, I cannot bear.

The glaring eyes watered with joy as it stared above.

Its sharpness can be compared to the beak of a dove.

No matter how far from the sight, another thing I cannot unlove.

“Willing to trade anything to reach it,” as they speak a lot.

As my hair dances to the rhythm of the wind, My blood rushes, my eyes still pinned.

Giving myself unending hopes that it won’t leave, There’s no possibility that thing can give.

Important.

Necessary.

Temporary.

That’s the probability.

Everyone leaves and so the moon. Ugly idea of the world.

It gave light and guided you but, in the end, no chances of staying.

67

ON L I N E Leyo

Nadumduman ko pa nga ulopdanay pa kita, Face to Face, kag waay pa gina problema ang wifi kag data, Pero nag umpisa ang pandemya, Waay na nagkilitanay ang mag barkada.

Matuod gid man nga ma miss mo ang kasadya, Kung permi mo ma kaupod ang imo nga barkada, Sa tanan nga bulakbol nga inyo gin ubra, Sigurado, indi niyo gid malimtan ang isa kag isa.

Indi mapunggan ang kamiss kag kasubo, Kung madumduman ang kasadyahan nga inyo gin himo, Pero sa subong nga tinion tama na ka delikado, Tama na ka delikado, nga indi kana kakadto sa balay sang imo migo Gin kaon nata tanan sang social media, Muna sa zoom, google meet, kag messenger nalang kita ga istorya, Pero san o pani matapos ang pandemya?

San o pa kita liwat pwede mag kita?

68

Airica You're a night song too painful to play But made me realize a moon can shine as bright as day.

The lyrics may turn the sky to gray, But one thing is for sure, I'll enjoy the melodies of rain that'll take my fears and doubts away.

70

M A R A H U YO Yaretzi Naaalala pa rin sa gunita ang unang yugto ng ating pagkikita Mapupungay mong mga mata, ngiting nag-uumapaw sa hiwaga At nang maglandas ang tingin natin sa isa't-isa, puso'y nawingkag ‘Di naisip na sa pag-ibig, nabaliw sayo sinta ang tulad kong duwag.

71

SU L AT frozen jars Sumasayaw ang aking kamay sabay sa mga ritmong gawa ng aking lapis.

Entabladong papel, mga linyang paralel, pula't asul pala'y kailanma'y 'di naging pares.

72

COLOR BL I N D Evonne Hey! I am Grey I hate being in love like, “No way!”

But then you came, like a hero in a game I admire you but, “Are we the same?”

In the next few days, I am Red I got full inspiration as I got out of my bed These blossoming feelings I felt In just one stare, I could melt After months, I’ve become Blue I’ve already been defeated at first, but I didn’t have any clue This battle of feelings, you’ve turned me into a cold fool I’ve just realized I am only just a tool Years of self-love, I’ve turned into Green Treating myself better like a crowned queen Overcoming pain to the things I can’t rewind That’s when I’ve realized I am no longer colorblind

75

M A N L A L A K BAY frozen jars Lakaran mo.

Lakaran ang mga bakbak na daan pati na'ng mga nagambalang hangarin.

Bagtasin bawat bulaos ng batis sa mabubulas na bulubundukin.

Halina't dalhin 'yong mga paa, dito sa hardin ng pagtataka: Dakong paanan ng anag-ag ng liwanag sa itinatalsik ng mumunting butas ng mga gumagabing ulap.

Kinukurot na kulay ng kalangitang lumulubog, Samahang sumiwang ang sinag sa kumakapal na hamog.

Tumakbong tinatalunton ang mga islang putik sa mga sumasanaw na tubig Kung paanong iiwasan mong haplusin ang mga basang pilat.

Mangamba sa lumalapit na yabag, makinig.

May ermitanyong makikipiko't mang-uupat.

Tumakas mula sa mga tagping dingding ng antigong kubeta't bulwagan, kung saan ang mga anito’y kubang nagtatagu-taguan.

Kinakating maduling sa baybaying hiwaga ng langit, nanggigilalas sa karangyaan, nabibingit sa bangin ng pagkakaakit.

76

SA K U R A Lo_uie Leaning against one of the cherry trees I felt a combination of joy and melancholy, a love both bitter and sweet, like all the loves I have known.

Despite their bittersweet quality, They have all made me a richer human being.

In spite of the way the sakura petals fall all too quickly from their trees, They never fail to bloom again.

LU K S O NG DUG O Luna Ako si June, isang guro sa mataas na paaralan ng Matbat.

Unang araw ko sa pagpasok bilang isang ganap na guro. Habang ako'y pauwi mula sa paaralan, sa isang maliit na eskinita ay may isang babae na naka uniporme pang paaralan at may dalang libro. Sa tingin ko nakatira sila sa ilalim ng tulay at gilid ng riles ng tren. Nagpatuloy ako sa aking paglalakad at akin na itong hinayaan, habang nakatingin ang batang babae sa akin.

Sa ikalawa, ikatlo, ikaapat at ikalimang araw ko at tamang oras na naman ng uwian, at ako'y nagulat at nandoon parin ang batang babae sa parehong oras, pwesto at damit na aking nadatnan. Naawa ako sa bata at inabot ko ang isang basong fishball sa kanya at nagpatuloy ako sa aking paglalakad pauwi.

Pagsapit ng Sabado at Linggo aking naisip na paano kung ang batang iyon ay aking turuan sa pagbasa at pagsulat tuwing araw ng sabado at linggo.

Pagsapit ng Lunes unang linggo sa pagpasok sa paaralan, habang ako'y naglalakad pauwi nanaman at may dalang dala akong pagkain na para sa batang babae, pagdaan ko sa maliit na eskinita nakita ko na wala na doon ang batang babae na naka-uniporme at may dalang libro.

Akin itong hinayaan at may tumawag sa akin na isang babae.

“Sir, magandang hapon po, alam ko po nagtataka ka kung bakit wala na dito ang batang babae na nakaupo parati, Wala na po siya sir. Patay na po siya dahil habang siya'y naglalakad at sinusundan ka papuntang paaralan nabanggaan po siya ng sasakyan. Siya'y aking anak at parati ka po niyang sinusundan dahil gusto niya po mag aral at maging katulad niyo po sir. Gusto po sana ng bata ko na mag aral at makapagtapos bilang guro rin, ngunit kulang ang aming perang pantustos sa kanyang pag-aaral".

Habang patuloy sa pag iyak ang ina ng bata ay agad naaalala ni June na magkamukha ang ina ng batang babae at ang kanyang ina. Agad itong nagpakilala ang babae at doon niya na kilala na ang pangalan ng babae at ng kanyang ina ay iisa. Doon nalaman ni June na ina niya rin ang ina ng batang babae dahil sa pareho ng mukha, pareho din ng pangalan at apelyido.

Dahil ang haka- haka ng iba sa kanilang barangay habang nag-aaral sa sekondarya si June iniwan siya ng kanyang ina dahil nagkahiwalay sila ng kanyang ama. Pagkatapos noon ilang taon narin ang nakalipas na hindi nakita ni June ang kanyang totoong ina. Doon niya nalaman na ang batang babae ay ang kanyang bunsong kapatid sa parehong ina ngunit sa magkaibang ama.

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S OU L M AT E S frozen jars There isn’t a someone for everyone, friends And sometimes, that isn’t the way that it ends.

Some people embark on their journey alone And others are perfectly fine on their own.

There isn’t some magical pairing of hearts A soul that’s divided in multiple parts Two halves of a person that wished on a star But sometimes, just sometimes, I think that there are.

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U N R E QU I T E D LOV E Airica It was Sunday morning My heart was in deep pain You turn your back so sudden You said you're leaving.

It feels like yesterday Under the cherry blossoms You and I were fine and gay I thought that was the best day.

Our love wasn’t made for movie screens or a fairytale with a happy ending Nor match made in heaven And I know that, deep within.

U N DE R T H E C H E R RY BLOSS OM S Yaretzi You promised to be with me “next time” To watch as the cherry blooms are in its prime, Together with you, gazing up the azure skies As the crimson pink leaves of cherry tree flies “Let’s watch it again like we did last time,” You spoke with a smile so sweet, so sublime But cherry’s radiance does blooms in May, You’re gone in March, now April is on its way Under the cherry blossoms, it’s warm yet icy It's spring, yet why is it so frosty and snowy?

Still I wonder, waiting… when is the next time?

Clasping onto that promise for the last time Fragments of our moments, I miss so fondly Under the cherry blossoms, why is it so lonely?

Frozen by your memory, is my withered heart Did our love ever bloom from the very start?

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K A PAG U M U U L A N frozen jars Kapag umuulan, yumuko ka At damhin ang lagim na pinintang Sinlinaw ng sana ay dadaang sikat ng araw Humahagod sa'yong mga mata Bughaw Umaapaw

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T H E DAY A F T E R W I N T E R Khaki Flowers were falling from trees and wash the whole world in petals.

She scattered Peacefully. A message of nature, green leaves, and pink cherries, Caresses her as she falls.

Snow was melted and grass springs into place, tingle her shivering skin. Warmth tepidity from the sky, hugs and kisses her.

She suddenly thinks, she could die with the wilting petals and never regret this careful love.

PA N I WA L A Lo_uie Gabi na naman ng taglamig Simoy ng hangin na dumadampi Wari'y malamig na yelo sa aking pisngi Sumasariwa sa panahong natatangi Alam kong itoy palasak Subalit nakita kong masaya Yaring pag-ibig sa diwa'y ligaya Na malaman damdamin di maaaksaya Ikaw na nga ba ang tadhana Sa buhay ay magpapaligaya Sa panahong taglamig aking irog Dito sa pusoy di lilimutin Ako’y naniwala Litanya mong nakakamangha Natapos ang taglamig Kasabay nito ang pagtapos ng sabi mong pag-ibig.

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R I DI NG A PA P E R BOAT Jjaajaaaa When we were younger, there was a time when We tried our best to make a paper boat.

I picked the most durable paper I could use I raised the bar too high in the hopes of making it float.

I knew as I grew older that it was the smallest boat possible.

My material, no matter how strong, will eventually sink.

The water was so powerful that it slowly devoured all I had built.

My boat struggled until it sank, and here I was drowning.

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SA K R I P I SYO PA R A SA SE N T I MO Airica Bawat piso at sentimo Pawis at luha ang kapalit nito Sa iyong paglayo Pamilya ay isinakripisyo.

Tiniis ang pananaki't pang-aalisputa Makapagbigay lamang ng kailangan ng pamilya Ngunit si itay di man marunong magpahalaga Sina ate at kuya panay ang gala-gala.

Paghahanap buhay sa ibang bansa Di lahat ay nagpapakasasa Pamilya'y unti-unting nasisira Dahil gabay ni inay ay wala.

Kaya itay, ate't kuya kayo ay magising na Si inay ay nagtitiis makahanap lang ng pera Upang pangailangan nati'y mapunan niya Kaya pahalagahan natin ang bawat sentimong kinikita niya.

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SUNSET, SUNRISE

Lo_uie Why is it that sunrises and sunsets are often so captivating and moving?

Perhaps it’s the uniqueness of the colors blending and merging together to form a painting-like setting Maybe it’s the sense of satisfaction that comes from seeing a new day born or see the old day fade to its end Even so, the beauty of these happenings lies in another part of its overall appeal.

Sunrises and sunsets bring a lot of beauty and perspective It represents fleeting moments that last for only a few seconds or minutes, Impermanent, awe-inspiring, and hard to experience often Sunset and sunrise, they do not last, but that makes it appealing to human psyche.

H E A RT OF A ST RUGGLE R Evonne There’s nothing with me but total silence, Even my shadow disappears with everything in the darkness; Too many feelings I cannot express, Because no one will listen, I guess?

As I stand alone in the dark and empty space With sadness and tears flowing down my face I am silent all the time, unable to speak Acting so tough but deep inside, I am weak Clouded with different emotions which I hide It’s like being choked and tangled up inside I felt like I am running forever but going nowhere Afraid of failing because people might judge and stare It is the pain that changed and taught me how to live For I know, I still have hopes and dreams I can achieve With too many voices, I can now hear my own; I learned how to get up and get out of my comfort zone I am a struggler with challenges I’ve overcome I am way stronger now, and that’s what I’ve become I am braver, I am beautiful, and yes, I am me I will be successful someday, and everyone will see

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M I R A S OL Irenzayne Sa isang hindi inaasahang pagkakataon, dalawang tao ang nagtagpo sa hindi pangkaraniwang pangyayari at lugar. Pawang walang ideya na habang nakatingin sa isa’t isa, sila nang dalawa ang nakatadhana. Ang isa, may kadiliman ang kahulugan ng buhay habang ang isa, siya ang tanging liwanag na gumagabay. Sa bawat dapo ng mata sa isa’t isa, naroon ang hindi maipaliwanag na pakiramdam na animo’y walang balak na magsalita o kumausap man lang.

“Kay ganda ng iyong kulay tsokolateng mga mata. Nakakabighani. Para akong nalulunod sa kagandahan ng isang paraisong hindi ko maabot,” saad ng lalaking nagngangalang Keiko. Unti-unti itong lumapit, kumukuha ng pagkakataong tuluyang lamunin ng kulay tsokolateng mga matang kanyang iniibig. Nanlalamig, nauupos sa kinatatayuan sa hindi malamang dahilan.

“Maaari ko bang malaman ang iyong pangalan?”

Hindi sumagot ang babae. Tanging ang pagtitig lamang sa kanya ang ginawa nito, parang nabibighani na rin sa kanilang pagtatagpo.

Isang maliit na ngiti lamang ang iginawad nito saka hinawi ang may kahabaang buhok. Ganoon pa rin ang reaksyon ni Keiko. Natutulala na sa kagandahang taglay ng babaeng kaharap.

Sa sandaling iyon, hindi nila inasahan ang kung anong nangyayari sa paligid. Nasa iisang malawak na hardin ng bulaklak sila nakatayo at hindi inaalintana ang kung anumang mangyari.

Umihip ang hangin, dahilan kung bakit tila sumayaw ang mga bulaklak na nakapaligid sa kanila, sumasabay sa galaw ng buhok ng babaeng ngayon ay matamis na ang ngiti sa kanya.

“Ngunit, kung ayaw mong malaman ko ay walang problema sa akin. Sadyang nagandahan lamang ako sa iyo at nagbabakasakaling magkalapit tayo—” “Mirasol. Mirasol ang aking pangalan,” pagputol nito sa kanyang sasabihin. Natigil sandali si Keiko sa narinig, naging malakas ang pagtibok ng puso, parang manginginig na ang katawan.

Tila nadinig ng kalangitan ang kanyang naging taimtim na panalangin at balak na magbunyi.

Mirasol. Hindi alam ni Mirasol na sa sandaling iyon, katulad ng kahulugan ng kanyang pangalan, ito’y nagbigay liwanag sa madilim na mundo ng lalaking hinangad lamang na siya ay makilala at nagnais na magmahal. Pangalan na tuluyang nagbago sa masalimuot na karanasan, mga sakit na dinanas ay tuluyang lumisan sapagkat sa pagkakataong iyon, sa bawat magandang pangyayaring nagdaan ay siya na ang naging dahilan.

Siya na ang naging liwanag. Siya na ang tuluyang sumakop sa kadiliman ng buhay ng lalaking hindi niya inaasahang magmamahal sa kanya.

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A BST R AC T frozen jars I woke with the words of the dream in my mind The scents and the sights in the spaces behind The moods and emotions, the scenes as they struck.

And now it was totally meaningless.

F***.

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AWA AT PA NG -U NAWA Evonne Malaki ang nagagawa ng pakikinig, gamot sa puso ang kanyang hatid.

Ito ang nagpapagana ng mga pakiramdam, na hindi maipinta ng ano o sino man.

Kahit hindi maramdaman ang bigat ng iba Ay palaging nariyan ang balikat para sumalba Upang saluhin ang bawat patak ng luha at maunawaan ang bawat malabong kataga Kay bigat buhatin ang katahimikan Lalo na at walang masasandalan Tao man o bagay ay sadyang may halaga Atin itong itatak sa puso’t- isip mga kaibigan at kapamilya.

Kung kaya’t napakahalaga na maunawaan Ang bawat emosyon na naglipana sa kapaligiran.

Mahalagang igalang ang kanilang nararamdaman At huwag abusuhin ang kanilang kahinaan.

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WAV ES OF A NA M N ESIS Lo_uie She approached the water without fear, a different kettle of fish.

“The water is waist deep, nothing to worry,” she thought as she proceeds to the shallowest portion of the beach.

“The elevation of the shore is wobbly, nothing to worry,” she thought as she foots fight with small waves of the sea.

From a distant she heard her mom shouts, “Play dead, nothing to worry, the water will support you.”

She guessed there’s nothing to worry, the water seemed to be friendly. She gave herself to the sea with trust and calmness. The waves are worth it, it soothed her soul amid all the city chaos.

“Yes, there’s nothing to worry,” she thought.

But nope. The next wave marked the beginning of the agony she was about to get into.

The waves grew bigger than before, disrupting her calmness, ruining her balance, and shaking her trust with the water. She seeks solace and warrant from the sand she believed can be reached by her feet and hand.

But nope. The sand, it was gone. Her feet can’t reach the floor, the ground, the sand.

She could see her mom not too far away, laughing and playing with the waves that’s drowning her. She started yelling, shaking, and reaching for help.

But nope. They apparently assumed she was pranking since the water was clearly just waist deep, but they didn't know it was only for them.

From a small distance, she is struggling. She is sinking. She exhausted whatever little energy was left in her to the point where she couldn't feel her limbs anymore. She was panting but there was no air to breath. She begins to swallow the water, choking on it. And..

Slowly, she lost a sense of awareness of self or surroundings, everything was dark. A long flashes of memories were rushing. Memories forgotten but casted back to her mind by the splashing water. Indeed, water has memory. She saw her little self pouting and smiling while looking at her brothers running, her sisters playing, and mother cooking and on the verge of shouting.

“Khattteee” Buried memories were dug up, obliterated past were brought up, and thought consigned to oblivion were revived. Both the water and the overflowing recollection and emotion are drowning her.

It’s too much, she gave up.

Her vision blurred and turned pitch black. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

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……………………………………

She slowly opened her eyes. After two years she’s back to the place which made her experience the precipice of life and death.

“Happy death Anniversary Ma,” she whispered on the wind after reminiscing the moment when she nearly died and her mother saved her life.

She lied on the seaside looking up at the sky, with a tinged of mourning and realization of things continuous passing. She desired for a happy ending but acknowledged that in life people are fading.

Every year since her mother’s passing, Khate comes back to the sea again to remind herself the bittersweet fleeting nature of life and the impermanence of everything.

PA DAYON Evonne Sa kabuhi may ara sang paghiliusa, May mga tyempo nga ikaw nagapangluya, Kapin pa mag alalabot ang mga problema Nga magatakos sa imu pasensya Sa tunga sang unos kinanglan maging mapagros panumdumon ang mga himata kag magpangamuyo sa Diyos.

Ipabugal sa tanan ang imo tuman nga kabakod, Nga sa ano man nga mga hitabo, wala ka gapaanod.

Pero temporaryo lamang ina nga kabudlayan kag panumduma lang nga tanan may katapusan tungod ara pa ang pamilya kag ang mga kaabyan Para ikaw buligan kag gabayan.

Ang indi pagsalig sa kaugalingon muna ang imu kakson May lagson ka pa nga handum, muna dapat imu panumdumon Padayon lang sa imu paghimakas Kay amuna ang mangin kusog mo sa maabot nga bwas.

BLO OM S I N SA DN E SS bulak The tree of cherry blossom In its seasonal bloom So beautiful, but yet Hides a memory never to forget A sad memory Lies behind so badly Even though it’s pretty Feelings are not as sweet as cherry It’s all about remembering Memories, people and experiences Who made life worth living And gave us second chances Mono no aware The cherry blossom’s symbol An idea everyone will dare Depicts things given importance by people

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“

life is brief. fall in love, maidens before the crimson bloom fades from your lips before the tides of passion cool within you, for there is no such thing as tomorrow, after all.

- Isamu Yoshii’s Gondola no Uta

© Gabriella Achadinha / Marlize Eckard

“

life is brief. fall in love, maidens before the raven tresses begin to fade before the flame in your hearts flicker and die for today, once passed, is never to come again.

- Isamu Yoshii’s Gondola no Uta

AC K NOW LEDGEM EN TS In our burning passion to publish high quality articles, The Seagull would like to commend the collective efforts of every person who served as zephyr to move and bring forth the Lacsonian legacy. We would like to express our gratitude to Dr. Mary Lou L. Arcelo and Dr. Ronald Raymond L. Sebastian for their undying support, and also to Mr. Robert O. Parcia, MMM for the encouragement. We would like also to extend our appreciation to Mr. Edsel Gildore, Engr.

Edmundo Q. Pragados, C/ E Agustin Bedia, Dr. Angeli L. Sebastian, Dr. Lily S. Sumbi, Dr.Mari Ann D. Sarroza, Mrs. Nancy Rose R. Pelopero, and Mrs. Ive D. Sta. Ana for sharing their expertise, availability, proficiency, and tenacity to the truth that inspire and uplift us in every step of the way. To Mr.Marve Velasco, Mrs. Rogelia S. Castro, and Mrs. Kristine Jhane C. Flores, for their accessibility and for boosting our proficiencies to set our best in serving the Lacsonian community. To our parents who are always there to support us in the best way they can. To our readers who serve as our motivation in doing our work with utmost dedication. And most especially to our God, the creator who always give us the strength in doing what we do and the guidance we need all throughout this journey.

EDI TOR I AL POLIC Y The Seagull is published at least twice every semester by the p ublication office at John B. Lacson Foundation Maritime University- Molo,Inc., Molo, Iloilo City.Articles Contained herein are personal views of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official views and opinions of the staff and/or provide an open forum for discussion.We accept original articles and contributors from students, faculty, and staff.Comments and suggestions regarding our issues are warmly welcomed.Articles submitted must be typewritten with sufficient space and margin.

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